Most readers who are familiar with the Spiritual River realize that I am not exactly a fan of traditional recovery programs. For example, I never speak highly of 12 step programs and I usually just recommend that newcomers check them out and see if meetings are a good fit for them. I strongly advocate doing what works for the individual, and I push people to explore non-traditional recovery strategies.
If you were just glancing quickly you might think there is a mixed message here, because I do strongly advocate rehab as a starting path in recovery.
And most rehabs push traditional recovery programs.
So what is the deal? Why am I against traditional recovery programs?
Take what works and leave the rest
If you stick around recovery programs long enough, you will inevitably hear this cliche eventually: “Take what you need and leave the rest.”
Excellent advice that almost never gets followed. Doing so requires massive action, mindful observation, and dedication to personal growth.
What usually happens in traditional recovery is that people quote this while trying to encourage people to adhere to traditional recovery, rather than to find their own path and be a free thinker.
My experience in early recovery was that I watched dozens of addicts and alcoholics try to mold the 12 step program to their life, and they failed miserably at it. They blamed themselves for their relapse, and vowed to try and “work the program better” the next time around.
At the time, I was living in rehab, and I was fully immersed in 12 step recovery. I knew hundreds of people who were trying to recover. So, I observed a lot, and got to see what did not work.
What did work was not necessarily dedicating your life to traditional recovery. It was not a continuation of 12 step meetings in your everyday life. Success in recovery was somehow outside of that narrow box. It was beyond the scope of 12 step recovery cliches. And the winners in recovery were somehow creating this powerful new life in recovery, rather than simply showing up to 12 step meetings and whining about their day.
I wanted that powerful, creative potential in my life. I wanted to leave the whiners and the cliche slingers and actually accomplish some stuff and enjoy a powerful new existence.
So I did. I took what worked for me and I ran with it. At the time, here was what was working tremendously well in my life of recovery:
1) I had a zero tolerance policy with myself that I would not use drugs or alcohol, or allow myself to engage in self pity (a common tactic of mine in the past). “No matter what.”
2) I exercised on a regular basis. (this is huge. Do not dismiss it).
3) I reached out to help other addicts and alcoholics in several different ways (Online, in my personal life, and in my professional life).
4) I pushed myself to grow and develop as a person.
That is what I did for my recovery. There are some details involved but that is a decent overview. Over 9 years later and I am still clean and sober and I am blessed with an awesome life. I have watched so many others fail who pursued a more “traditional” path.
My experience is my best (and only) measure of the truth…..the truth of what actually works in recovery from addiction. If an addict is desperate for change in their life and they want my advice, should I really tell them to go to 12 step recovery and stick with the program and fake it till you make it and all of that stuff? Because that is not my experience and that is not what works for me, and I am definitely a real alcoholic and drug addict.
That is why I am against traditional recovery programs. I watched them fail for so many people around me, so I abandoned them. I found a path that worked for me outside of traditional recovery.
Why I am for treatment
Even though something like 93 percent of drug rehabs and alcohol treatment centers are 12 step based, I still encourage people to attend them if they want to change their life.
Why?
Because they help. Rehab may not be perfect, and the format may not cater perfectly to every individual, but rehab is still a very helpful diversion for anyone who is struggling with addiction or alcoholism.
Why is this the case? For starters, because a huge part of addiction and alcoholism is environmental. We addicts and alcoholics are creatures of habit (we are addicts after all!) and so just getting out of our routine and into a safe environment for a while is enough to make a large impact.
In my opinion, you might not even have a fighting chance if you cannot get a clean break and get into some sort of safe environment in early recovery. Sure, some people have done it, and managed to get clean and sober while still being surrounded by temptation, but why make it hard on yourself?
There are a lot of things that treatment centers do right, even though they are not perfect. Some rehab is better than nothing.
And my experience is that rehab works. Now that deserves some qualification, so let me explain:
Obviously, treatment does not always work. And, it certainly does not work in every situation. In fact, rehab fails more often than it works. I went to rehab 3 times before I “got it.” Many people have been to rehab even more than that and they might still not “get it.” And of course, there are some who avoid rehab altogether, but still manage to get clean and sober.
But in the end, treatment saved my life. I lived in long term treatment, and this gave me the foundation I needed to start living a real life again and exploring recovery. Without rehab, I am doubtful that I would be clean and sober today.
Rehab works. It does not work very often, but it sure can help. In some cases, it is the necessary “break” that people need to get started on a new life. This is my experience.
Traditional recovery programs are lacking, in my opinion. They do help some but I found them to be inadequate. So I recommend a path of personal growth instead. Whatever works for the individual is great, and I would encourage people to find their own path (whatever that may be).
Spiritual recovery programs are too narrowly focused, in my opinion. There is life outside of meetings and group therapy!
Plus, many people become “dependent” on a social based recovery solution. Not ideal, in my opinion.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I love your articles, and tend to agree with what you write. I believe that 12 step programs are made confining and limiting by the people in them, rather than the spiritual nature of such recovery in general. It is when recovery means speaking in a 1940s dialect and following a sponsor as if they are a personal God, and answering all questions with carefully rehearsed rhetoric and quotes, that’s when limits close the mind to other ideas that can greatly enhance recovery and life in general. Recovery can be misery when you only look at every small thing you do wrong instead of working to enhance and expand on the things you do right. I have picked myself apart and worried about not doing the “steps” correctly enough so much in the past that I wondered if life was even worth it. Sometimes you just have to take some chances and actually decide to live and breathe in the world and not isolate, afraid of doing something wrong, basing every action and thought on what you are told by others. For me the decision to stop badgering myself and live (mistakes and all) was a good one, and the only way I could actually find the freedom to attain any real concept of personal spirituality. A person has to accept though, that when you do this, not everyone will approve.
Thanks for your thoughts Mary, I love that you are supportive of free thinking and of “living life” over strict recovery dogma.
Been working for me! Thanks for your comment….
Patrick,
I thoroughly support you in what you say, and have to admit that this has been my experience also – esp with respect to the narrow-focus of traditional recovery programs. I tried repeatedly to make a go of things by following the traditional route – but quite honestly it just led to continual relapse. I did ‘work the program’ – quite religiously I felt, several times – but there were just too many points of divergence. There was no creative freedom involved – and stagnation inevitably followed. Drinking again became an option.
I can honestly say I have more success on my own these days, and here’s the difference: I keep recovery in mind, but no longer allow it to dominate my thinking. It is no longer the primary thing ‘on the table’ or the ‘identity’ that defines me (all of which traditional recovery programs insist it must be in order to ‘recover’).
Instead, I focus on my wider life, my kids, my relationships, my health and fitness (I walk and do yoga daily), I eat well, I get plenty of sleep, I am back in study and loving doing my Masters, I watch movies, read incessantly, hang out at the coast, LIVING LIFE! Not just sitting around in meetings day after day focusing on an ‘illness-model’ – ie: I am damaged/and have a ‘disease’ – and lamenting that same fact over and over again, and listening to others do the same.
This is my primary point of departure with traditional recovery methods. I choose to follow and focus on a ‘wellness’ model of recovery – of which your creative recovery philosophy is a beautiful and important part. I believe I can recover, and that I do recover every day that I stay sober.
Good for you Partick in being able to articulate the strong points of choosing alternatives in recovery – in a manner that isn’t just ‘bagging’ you know who. We need options. Recovery is not a one-size-fits-all.
Thanks for the supportive comment, Sienna. I am sure there will always be strong opinions when it comes to bucking the trend and doing something different, but in my case, the reward has been well worth it.
I like your idea of “wellness” as a principle of recovery too. It speaks of simplicity and good health. Increasing my health has been a guiding principle in my recovery. That is why I was forced to eventually examine my cigarette smoking and deal with it at some point. It is also what pushes me to exercise.
I am still growing. Still working on my diet, and eating healthier. It all takes time, and there is always more progress to be made, right? We are not perfect. But at least today I can grow “outside the box” without getting stuck in traditional recovery……
Thanks for your comment, Sienna….
I might just add a postscript …
I agree with you Patrick that early recovery involves what you class as ‘massive action’ – very true; radical efforts need to be made in early recovery, and traditional programs are great for getting you started – and supported (so this includes rehab for sure). Never underestimate the value of support – and the fraternity of others who have sobriety as their aim. I have a lot of respect for traditional programs because of this. They certainly helped me prioritise, in the beginning, what I wanted from my life, and what I was no longer prepared to accept. They helped me cut through some of the denial surrounding my addiction. Seeing my story mirrored in so many others left me in no doubt that I was dealing with serious addiction, and therefore requiring serious action.
I just wanted to clarify that. I am not ‘against’ traditional programs; they seem to work for some people – and hey in the end, whatever keeps you sober is the important thing.
The dogma is the killer though – and I do take issue with the fact that so many people get drilled into thinking that traditional programs are the only way. And that if you fail it’s because YOU’RE doing something wrong – rather than it being the rigidity of the program that may be at fault. Traditional programs are not the only way to recover. They’re the most well known way, and they have certainly paved the way for others. But there needs to be more recognition that there are other successful ways. The bottom line is: if you want to quit you find a way that works for you – even an eclectic approach – and you stick with it. You work THAT.
Lastly, I forgot to add the spirituality part; for me that’s another key element of recovery. Faith that life can progress beyond addiction. Meditation has been wonderful for this for me – and mindfulness. If you’re looking for alternatives, have a look into this. It supports recovery gorgeously. There are some excellent books on ‘Mindful Recovery’. If that appeals to you, seek them out.
Wellness everyone! We’re so much more than just ‘addicts’.
Sienna
I agree completely, Sienna! Mindfulness is key.
There is so much that we can take for granted if we are not mindful. There is so many lessons that I have missed, because I was not really paying attention. Thanks for the reminder!
Patrick:
You have written a good bit here. I’m not exactly sure what you are saying – at least not all of it. I understand, and agree, that people seeking recovery must find what works for them and stick to it. I get and have also observed the insanity of people hiding in the rooms of 12 step programs insulating themselves with sayings and recovery exclusive socialization in order to stay clean – and yet, many of them relapse or just remain dysfunctional and unhappy. For me, the key to the 12 step programs is just that – the 12 steps. My experience is that using those steps and solid sponsorship to work an ongoing program of increased self awareness, service to others and spiritual growth is the heart of the program. It is work and it does require each person to grow in to a functional member of society.
Like several here, I watch my diet, exercise and work hard to help others – but it is driven by my process in recovery.
I still attend meetings regularly and often my energy is to offer assistance to those new to the program- and that helps me. For the outside looking in – I can’t help but wonder if your aversion to recovery groups comes from not having experienced a sponsorship/step work program that works.
In the end, I guess I’m agreeing with you in that I am a believer in 12 step recovery groups (specifically NA) because I have found what works for me and I’m sticking to it – for almost 11 years now.
Hi,
I came across your site, and read some of your work. I have been clean and sober for 6 years. While I was in my addiction/ disease, my life spiraled down to chaos. I was not humble enough to ask my family to get me into
rehab. I began attending meetings, and was very scared. But overtime, I have built myself a strong support group of other alcoholics and addicts. Due to my personal experience,if someone wants to get clean and sober, they have to walk into a meeting and reach their hand out for help. When we were out in our addictions/disease we did things our way. In recovery I dont do things my way, thats what got me into trouble. I am proud to say that I need someone besides myself to give me direction and guidance through the steps.
@ Carey – I half agree with you. The part that I disagree with is when you say “I am proud that I need someone.”
I think that is a defeatist attitude, to be proud that you need someone else. I think my higher power wants better than that for me.
It is fine to ask for help early on. But why stay stuck? The point of learning is to grow as a person, not to stay dependent.
Just my opinion of course, and we may agree on more than we think, but just differ in how we express it in words, to some extent…..
If a person lived to use & used to live, went against ALL of their morals & values, suffered degradation, isolation, etc. i do not quite get where others nitpick over 12 Step “dogma”, being “brainwashed”, etc. Quibbling about such things when a person’s life is on the line is non-sense to me. One other thing: there is a MAJOR distinction between the Fellowship and the Program when referencing 12 Step programs.