“Is there a time limit that an addict passes in recovery, after which they are not likely to relapse?”

Good question!

Short answer: no.

Long answer:  No, there is no such thing as “being clean and sober long enough to insure future sobriety.”  In fact, my sponsor in recovery once pointed out to me that the rate of relapse remains the same across the board, regardless of how long you’ve been clean.  He said that they did a study that showed that about 5 percent would make it to 5 years clean and sober, then out of all those people who make it to 5 years sobriety, only 5 percent of those people would make it to ten years.  And so on, in five year increments.

I told him I disagreed with this idea, and figured that once you made it to a certain point (like 5 years sober, or 10 years sober) that you were sort of “good to go” as far as not relapsing was concerned.  He told me “Yep, that is what everyone believes.  It is natural to think that way.  But the data proves otherwise.”

Now I don’t know for sure how accurate that study was, but I now know from experience that the idea behind it is basically a valid one: people with many years of sobriety do end up relapsing.  I am in a unique position in that I work in a treatment center, so I occasionally will see examples where this has happened.  I have seen several people with 5, 10, and 15 years of sobriety come back into detox because they have suddenly relapsed.

It is difficult to see how these numbers work because so few people make it to 10 or 15 years of sobriety.  So it is extremely rare to see someone with that kind of clean time relapse, simply because there are so few people with that kind of clean time (compared to the larger pool of all recovering addicts and alcoholics).

In other words, think about how many people that are in recovery who are working on their first 30 days of sobriety.  There are far, far more of those newcomers than there are people with, say, 10 years sober.  So naturally, we are going to see far more of the newcomers relapse then from a group of those who have many years sober.

You can also get a rough idea regarding this question if you look at the attrition rate for Alcoholics Anonymous attendance.  Now this is not the same thing as sobriety, as some who keep coming to AA will relapse, and some who leave AA will in fact stay sober, but it still gives a rough idea.  Alcoholics Anonymous did a survey and explained that:

* About one third of their members leave the program after one month.

* Of those remaining, half of them leave by the 90 day mark.

* Of those still remaining, another half leave by the 1 year mark.

* After 1 year, attrition slows down (to probably around 5% or so, as my sponsor had indicated with his example).

So, if you look at 100 people who are brand new starting out in AA, about 17 of them will be left at the one year mark.  This is not the exact same thing as the percentage who will remain sober, but it gives us a rough estimate.  In fact, the percentage who stay sober that long will be a bit less than the percentage that remain in AA.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees with recovery.  However, I would suggest that to you that certain characteristics can help indicate a strong recovery.  I would look for the following patterns in order to feel more confident about someone’s stability in recovery:

1) They work with others in recovery on a regular basis.

2) They have achieved a balanced lifestyle in their recovery.

3) Always in learning mode, never given to arrogance.

4) Driven to personal growth and deliberately working on self.

But even with these criteria you cannot predict sobriety 100 percent.

I hope this analysis has not been too dismal for anyone, because people can and do stay sober for long periods of time.  It is not all doom and gloom!  People can and do recover every day.

Recommended Reading

• Overcoming Addiction
• 5 Ways to Supercharge Your Recovery, Avoid Relapse, and Dominate Your Addiction Over the Holiday Season
• 10 Ways to Embrace Creative Recovery and Take Your Sobriety to the Next Level
• Warning: Taking Massive Action in Drug Addiction Recovery Could Result in Creating an Awesome Life that You are Genuinely Grateful For
• Holistic Addiction Treatment Center

Why do they keep relapsing? What is the true nature of their problem? What is really going on with them that they cannot seem to stay sober?

And ultimately, if someone genuinely seems to want recovery, but continues to fail time and time again, we have to ask ourselves: “What could have prevented this last relapse?”

What could they have done differently to prevent it?

Let’s take a look at some answers here.

Stop torturing yourself

First of all, stop asking why. This is not fair to you and it just creates mental chaos and obsession over the alcoholic in your life. There is a reason they preach detachment and that is because it will save you from driving yourself nuts. You cannot take responsibility for their sobriety.

You might want to go over that a few times if you are constantly plagued with these questions of “why.” You are not responsible for their sobriety. They are. They should be the ones doing research about how to stay sober, not you.

True surrender

What is the key to quitting drinking? You have to be ready for it. You have to surrender completely.

Now the question is “why did they drink?” The answer is essentially “Because they were not ready to truly surrender.” They did not fully surrender to their disease. Or, if they did surrender to the fact that they are a true alcoholic, then they did not fully surrender to the solution that they were offered.

That is a critical distinction right there. Some people have stood at the turning point and honestly wanted to do something about their alcoholism, but they were not willing to embrace the solution. For some people, the solution they are being offered is worse (or scarier) than to continue with the madness of their drinking.

Regardless of the reason behind it, some people have just not fully surrendered. To do so they must accept their disease, and they must also accept a solution of some sort. In a lot of cases the solution is going to be either treatment and/or the 12 step program, because that is what is widely available to most people.

There are other programs out there but they are very hard to come by. Any program will work if a person actually follows it, but they must accept the program fully as the solution to their drinking problems. It is only after reaching this level of dedication to a solution that the alcoholic will be able to make real lasting change in their life.

Surrender = accepting a solution into your life.

Recommended Reading

• Overcoming Addiction
• Addiction Recovery is about Discovering New Layers of Information
• 5 Ways to Supercharge Your Recovery, Avoid Relapse, and Dominate Your Addiction Over the Holiday Season
• Addiction Medications Interview
• Holistic Addiction Treatment Center

“I have a question. I’ve been sober for just 4 days now and the problem I tend to have is that there have been a total of 4 times when I was committed to recovery…

But, 3 of those 4 times ended in relapses exactly on my 90th day of recovery…And, the 4th was just 6 months ago and ended on my 88th day of recovery…

It’s kind of demoralizing and makes me feel hopeless about ever recovering…

Obviously, I can’t seem to get past the early recovery stage but I don’t know why this pattern keeps happening…It seems like everything is fine and then all of a sudden I get these thoughts and urges to drink again…It’s as if a switch goes off inside of me and I’m gone…I mean my mind is made up and nothing in the world will talk me out of it…

I hate it…

I know I miss the “excitement” but the next day it’s gone and I’m full of remorse and getting drunk every night, once again like I never had any time off…I know I haven’t pushed myself toward any spiritual growth and wonder if it’s related, but the truth is that I don’t know how to grow spiritually, not a clue…

I think I get complacent at times in my personal life (although not in my career)…

If you have any solutions or ideas I’d appreciate it because I just don’t want to end up with another relapse. I know it’s only been a few days, but I just need some tools that I can use.

I want to stay sober this time as I don’t know how many more times I can go through trying to recover only to keep failing…

Thank you.”

That is a fairly general problem that I think a lot of people have. I can also see that people in this situation are baffled; they do not know the exact nature of the problem (I might not either necessarily) but I think I can help with some ideas.

You keep relapsing around the 90 day mark. This is not unusual based on what I have seen in others around me.

You don’t go into much detail about your exact recovery strategy or what program you might be working, but I get the sense that you are probably involved with some program as you are at least counting your days of sobriety.

I guess it would help if we started by drawing up 2 possible scenarios: one is that you are attempting to work a 12 step program, and the other scenario is that you are going a different route.

If you happen to be going the 12 step route, then my suggestion to you is to involve yourself deeper within the fellowship than what you have in the past. For example, you might join an H&I committee that takes 12 step meetings into institutions like jails and treatment centers. This type of service work can help keep you grounded when you start getting that 90 day itch, especially if you are in the habit of regularly attending these meetings as a form of service. In other words, you need to make an effort to really reach out and help other recovering alcoholics. This needs to become a big part of your program. This is the insurance that you need in order to overcome that tendency towards relapse.

Now if you’re not into the 12 step program then you need to figure out a way to do this outside of the 12 step fellowship. Simple as that. You still need to work with others in recovery. You still need to find a way to help others. You still need a way to get plugged into this and be doing it on a regular basis as your form of relapse insurance.

You say you might be lacking in spiritual growth. My suggestion is to concentrate on working with others in recovery and the spiritual component will reveal itself to you over time. If you deeply involve yourself in service work somehow, then the rewards of doing so will be enough to form this “missing piece” that you have been lacking.

Remember that it’s all spiritual. Push yourself towards holistic growth. See the growth opportunities outside of traditional recovery programs. The spiritual component will take care of itself if you follow the basic strategies laid out here.

We can become more spiritual over time by forming good habits. And I’m suggesting that you form the habit of helping other recovering alcoholics. That needs to become a cornerstone of your recovery program. I think that is the solution for you or for anyone in a similar pattern of relapse.

Good luck!

Recommended Reading

• Overcoming Addiction
• Addiction Recovery is about Discovering New Layers of Information
• 5 Ways to Supercharge Your Recovery, Avoid Relapse, and Dominate Your Addiction Over the Holiday Season
• 10 Ways to Embrace Creative Recovery and Take Your Sobriety to the Next Level
• Holistic Addiction Treatment Center