How to Stop Drinking

Far too often, the traditional wisdom for how to stop drinking is plagued with useless relapse prevention tactics that try to pinpoint our problems and triggers in helping us to prevent relapse. My experience has shown this to be ineffective.

Better than tactics for recovery are strategies. Strategy is more useful because it is more encompassing and can affect larger areas of our lives, in such a way that we can affect massive change. Using tactics is more short term and leads to smaller, more incremental changes. In addiction recovery, we need massive change. We need to change everything. Strategies are the way to do that, because they give a broader sense of guidance for all of our actions and decisions.

* Click here to see the visual guide *

Strategy #1: Take massive action. If nothing changes, nothing changes. The scope of what you are trying to do (quitting drinking) is truly massive. You are trying to change your whole life. This takes a huge effort. Do not underestimate it. Go big or go home.

Strategy #2: Blast through your denial. See your drinking for the crutch that it really is. Honestly see how it controls you and dominates you, even though you “enjoy” it. Measure your time spent being “happy” while drinking, and notice that you are almost always miserable, but hanging on to happy memories of drinking.

Strategy #3: Seek professional help. Alcohol detox can be dangerous. There are huge benefits to inpatient treatment. Seeing a counselor or therapist can be a turning a point. Getting any form of help is action, which is always good.

Strategy #4: Build real self esteem. This is the strongest form of relapse prevention: if you truly value your life, you will not throw it away on a relapse. Take care of yourself. Push yourself to grow. Help others.

Strategy #5: Pursue holistic health. Recovery is about living healthier. Extend this in new directions to enhance your recovery from addiction. Quit smoking, start exercising, make nutritional changes. Seek emotional balance. Etc.

Strategy #6: Create a new life. You have surplus time and energy now that you are in recovery. How will you use this surplus? Find outlets that match your talents and strengths, while allowing you to help others and create real value in life. Experience growth.

Strategy #7: Seek balance as you progress. Watch out for extremism. Recovery is about living, not about recovery. Balance growth and acceptance. Stay active in pursuing new things. Stay open to growth opportunities.

Strategy #8: Push yourself to grow. Do not get lazy in recovery. Do not justify laziness with self acceptance. Do not close the door on self examination. If you stop growing, you relapse.

Strategy #9: Get physical. Fitness is huge in recovery. Most people disregard fitness due to inherent laziness. Push yourself to exercise regularly and reap huge benefits. Some recovery programs are based on exercise alone–that is how powerful it is.

Strategy #10: Embrace gratitude. If you are truly grateful, relapse is impossible. Gratitude is the mindset for learning and growth experiences. Practicing gratitude enhances recovery and leads to more learning and thus more growth.

Strategy #11: Avoid complacency. Our natural state is to be drinking. Therefore, we have to keep pushing in order to avoid reverting to our natural state. We can only do this through the push for personal growth. Seeking holistic health gives us a broad platform for growth experiences.

Strategy #12: Explore a new vision. Take action first, then reflect on how it has helped your recovery. Seek growth based on your strengths. See how you can use this to help others. Start becoming the person you were always meant to be.

Strategy #13: Discover your purpose. Your vision made real. Helping others in a profound way based on the personal growth you have experienced. Achieving dreams that you once thought were blocked forever by your drinking. True contentment and joy.

Stop drinking today….how many reasons do you need?

As a recovering alcoholic, I know that this is a difficult decision. Even though there were a million reasons for me to stop drinking, I had a million reasons why I should continue. These reasons of mine to continue drinking were because of something called perceived benefits.

The tricky thing is that there are some real benefits to drinking alcohol for most of the adult population. But for the true alcoholic, those benefits are largely illusory, and become less and less valid as their disease progresses.

In other words, an alcoholic might cling to the “benefits” of drinking, rationalizing that these are important reasons for them to continue to self medicate, but in reality those reasons are no longer valid, and they are just fooling themselves. This is called denial.

The perceived benefits of drinking

The perceived benefits of drinking will be a bit different for different people. Just to give you an idea, here is what I thought alcohol was doing for me:

1) Fixed my shyness – Before I started drinking, I was naturally shy and found it difficult to speak in groups larger than 2 or 3 people without any anxiety. Alcohol fixed this. The problem is that, even though alcohol fixed this, it was not a viable long-term solution to the anxiety problem. This is because my tolerance increased and I had to drink more and more in order to overcome my shyness. Eventually it stopped working altogether, and I would remain shy even in a complete blackout. But I stubbornly clung to the idea that I had to drink in order for this personality flaw to be corrected.

2) Celebration and passion for living - I believed that life was a party, and that you were not celebrating life unless you were living it up and getting wasted every day. Somehow I believed that the only way to live passionately was to drink heavily. These ideas were obviously from the “good old days” when drinking was still fun, and hanging onto this illusion was just another part of my denial.

3) Drinking = happy – I truly believed that the only way that I could be happy in this life was to be drunk. This was a twisted mindset. I really looked down on other people who didn’t drink and pitied them that they were not able to “get happy” like I was. The truth of the matter was that I was miserable for 99% of the time, and it was a rare moment when I could find the right level of toxicity where I could even claim to be “happy” in my drunken stupor.

So these were my main “benefits” of drinking. I call them perceived benefits because this is what I truly believed, but looking back we can see that I was in denial about my drinking and therefore I was only fooling myself. These benefits were illusions that I clung to; they were actually false 99 percent of the time.

The denial exists because alcohol used to work as described. At one time, these perceived benefits were real, and my life was not screwed up yet from excessive drinking. In other words, there were some good times that I had with drinking, and my mind stubbornly clung to those ideas. This is just one mechanism of denial. All of these perceived benefits became false as my alcoholism continued to progress, but my denial kept me from seeing the truth.

When you really analyze the perceived benefits of drinking, it almost looks like a belief system. I had established the idea firmly in my head that alcohol was wonderful and those who did not drink it were missing out in life in a big way. I really believed this. Not only that, but I believed it at a very deep level and it had become part of who I was.

So in spite of these perceived benefits, eventually we have to see the illusions for what they are and break through our denial. It is only then that we can have any hope at even caring about a reason to stop drinking in the first place.

But once we become the slightest bit open to the idea, the tide can turn, and we can start to get excited about a sober life again:

Reasons to stop drinking

We can separate the logical reasons to stop drinking into these broad categories:

1) Longevity of life

2) Quality of life

Pretty basic, right? Alcoholism can affect how long you life, and also the quality of your life. So let’s take them one at a time:

Quitting drinking and your lifespan

Obviously, if you are an alcoholic, then quitting drinking will greatly increase your potential lifespan. But by how much?

To answer that question, we have to look at some statistics. I’ll spare you the charts and data and summarize it for you: most alcoholics die about 15 to 20 years earlier than their peers.

Now the question is: “How much is 15 to 20 years of your life worth to you?” This question is actually fairly deep and complicated, because the answer can change so drastically depending on your state of mind.

For example, a miserable drunk will usually brush the question off entirely, waving his hand and saying “whatever. Take me right now if you want!” That is the miserable desperation of addiction talking. Now if we manage to sober this person up and get them involved with a creative new life in recovery, their answer will likely change quite a bit (I know mine did!). Life becomes precious in recovery.

And of course we are just talking about numbers and percentages here–you might be able to continue to drink and still live a very long time. But the odds are against you. It’s not just the direct effects of drinking that can kill you. For example, guess what the number one killer of recovering alcoholics is? Lung cancer. In other words, it’s not just the booze that will kill you….it’s the lifestyle that gets us in the end. Not to mention drunk drivings, accidents, slip-and-falls, alcohol poisoning, liver damage, and so on.

With alcoholic drinking, there are a million ways to die. Problems compound as the lifestyle becomes increasingly more dangerous. It’s a progressive disease, so the risks increase for both the direct effects of alcohol, as well as for “lifestyle deterioration.” In other words, as time goes on, our drinking takes us to new lows and to do things we said we would never do. All of this steadily increases the odds of our untimely demise. Luckily, there are a million ways to stop drinking as well.

Quitting drinking and the quality of your life

The discussion so far as focused on how long we will live if we drink alcoholically. But lets take a look at what it does to the quality of our life.

There are a number of ways that drinking impacts the quality of your life:

1) Overall health – Not only will heavy drinking reduce your lifespan, but it also has the potential to bring on any number of diseases, disorders, and ailments.

2) Alcoholics are more susceptible to other drugs – which can have devastating effects on your life as well. Many people pick up “new habits” while they are drunk.

3) Alcoholics are several times more likely to be cigarette smokers - which, combined with drinking, can really have devastating health consequences.

4) Risk of suicide – is determined by studies to be over 5,000 times greater in alcoholics than in that of the general public.

5) Social effects – Alcoholism negatively impacts divorce rates, domestic violence, job stability, and so on.

6) Mental effects – Alcoholism contributes to depression, anxiety, and in the long run can result in ever more serious mental conditions, some of which might eventually be permanent.

Is there a Stop drinking pill?

There is a medication called Campral that can help with cravings, but it is by no means a magic bullet. People who rely on the pill to “fix” their alcoholism are going to be very disappointed. There is no magic cure and you have to put forth a tremendous effort in order to get sober aside from simply taking a pill like this. But, it can be helpful, and so any alcoholic should consider talking with their doctor about medications like Campral that might be one piece of their recovery journey.

Stop drinking, lose weight?

Of course alcohol is empty calories, and those who get drunk every day tend to have other factors that contribute to heavy weight. Not only does the quality of nutrition drop, but most alcoholics are very inactive when it comes to exercise. Part of recovery, if you use a holistic approach (which is strongly advocated on this website!) is that you should be considering things such as nutrition and exercise as part of your recovery.

So simply quitting drinking is but one step in losing weight. The accompanying lifestyle changes are what will really kick your weight loss into high gear.

Stop drinking too much alcohol, or quit entirely?

Some people think that they might be able to regulate their drinking instead of quitting entirely. If this works for you, then that is great! Moderate your drinking. But an alcoholic is defined by their inability to do so. Eventually you may have to get honest with yourself and realize that you cannot control your drinking consistently.

Denial is the trap that you can control your drinking some of the time. If you hang on to those successes, but ignore the train wreck that is your life, then you are in denial.

If you can’t stop drinking now

If you try to stop drinking now but find that you cannot do it on your own, then ask for help. Call up a local treatment center and ask them what you need to do in order to get into treatment. They will lay out your options for you and help you to get funding so that you can get the help you need. Pretty much anyone who is persistent can find some resources to help them with their problem, it is just a matter of putting in the effort and the footwork that is necessary to get the ball rolling.

Stop binge drinking

If you are a binge drinker then you may be fooling yourself that you do not have a problem, when in reality you need to stop just as bad as anyone else. The binge drinker is a special kind of alcoholic, but they are still an alcoholic. They may go for long periods of time without drinking any alcohol at all, but when they do drink, they go on long binges and usually spin out of control completely. Just a different flavor of alcoholic, but one that still needs help in order to change their life.

Problem: an active alcoholic does not care about this stuff

So here is the real challenge: even when posed with a vast list such as this as to why a person should stop drinking, most active alcoholics could care less. The problem is that they are depressed, suffer low self esteem, and cannot bring themselves to care much about their own well being.

In other words, you could promise them the world if they would just quit drinking, and they will politely decline and go back to the bottle. They just don’t care.

Now I know this because I have been there before. And eventually I got to a place where I wanted to care, but I still could not bring myself to do it. I was stuck as a miserable drunk. I could not figure out how to stop drinking alcohol.

The breakthrough for me came when I decided to give sobriety a chance. Perhaps this was divine intervention. I had tried to achieve sobriety in the past but it had not worked, so I was extremely skeptical. But for some reason I was miserable and tired enough to give it another shot.

This is the balancing point. This is that tricky area of surrender that a drunk has to find their way to. It is a fine line. You are just miserable enough to want to stop drinking, but at the same time you are 2 seconds away from saying “screw it” and going to get another bottle.

This is why I think surrender to the disease of addiction might be divinely inspired. It almost seems impossible for an individual to find their way out of the alcoholic trap.

If you want to know how to stop drinking, here is my number one suggestion to you:

Ask for help.

Really. That’s it. Start with that, and things should start falling into place. It is possible to learn how to stop drinking on your own, but it is pretty tough.

May God bless everyone that has a desire to get sober today…..

Comments (463)

463 comments to “How to Stop Drinking”

On October 30th, 2008 at 8:34 pm ,
andy Says:

The biggest reason people should know is that alcohol is a neurotoxin. This by itself already outweighs any health benefits, which by the way can be obtained from other far healthier diet alternatives.
On October 30th, 2008 at 8:44 pm ,
andy Says:

In case you are wondering, I too had my share of drink fests during my younger days, so I can tell you that alcohol is addictive. It creates a kind of thirst, just like the thirst for water. It wasn’t easy giving up this thirst, and we try to fool ourselves by justifying the “health benefits”. But in the end I found out the real dangers it was doing to my body, so I got scared and decided to quit it once and for all.
On October 30th, 2008 at 9:19 pm ,
andy Says:

One good way is to associate more with friends, places and activities that don’t involve any alcohol. The magic here is that our brains can only be occupied with the present thought. By keeping it busy like this, it will have no idle time to think about the alcohol at all. Eventually, you will get mentally and physically stronger until you totally have no more interest in drinking anymore.
On October 30th, 2008 at 9:31 pm ,
andy Says:

Finally, I have been involved much more with spiritual activities recently, and I agree with the author that divine intervention does help a lot by purifying and developing our thoughts, wisdom and actions so that we gain the innner strength and disciplne to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
On November 1st, 2008 at 3:39 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Interesting thoughts, Andy. I would agree that finding friends and activities that are “sober” is a good step in building a new life in recovery. I also agree that the spiritual component is important as well. Good luck to you in your recovery!
On December 19th, 2008 at 4:48 pm ,
Bitty Says:

I want to quit,but I associate drinking with good times in my life when I had a social life, and now that I am in the house most of the time and bored with no close friends that make me reach for a drink
On December 21st, 2008 at 6:42 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Bitty

Traditional recovery might be a very good fit for you if you’re interested in being sober because there is such a heavy emphasis on social networking. Daily meetings are the prescription in 12 step fellowships and if you stick to the traditional “90 meetings in 90 days” then you will make new friends for sure.

You know all the usual suggestions for people in your situation to get out there and get active and get involved but the bottom line is that you have to push yourself to DO IT. The cure is to move your body and get out and about and meet some new people. I’m sure you already know this but it’s a matter of doing it. Force yourself to do it and each day it will get easier. This is the power of momentum in recovery.

Good luck to you Bitty!
On February 15th, 2009 at 3:16 am ,
MJ Says:

This article was so insightful. Like nothing I’ve ever read before. Already I feel very grateful to have found this site. Thank you. And thank you to Patrick. I can now see so clearly that the traditional route would be perfect for me, as I’m in Bitty’s position. Never thought I’d be here. Thank you all.
On February 15th, 2009 at 7:21 am ,
Patrick Says:

Hi MJ….glad to hear that you’ve made a decision in your life. Good luck on the follow through, as that is where all the action is at. Take care….
On February 19th, 2009 at 11:22 am ,
Patrick B Says:

Nicely written, having been sober for a little over 5 years by the Grace of God. Not only am I sober but the desire to drink has been lifted. Having been in for tune ups to make my body feel better (going into a rehab) I finally had enough. When I asked for help and meant it, great things started. Those who are just starting, remember your not going to get everything right, just because your sober! But don’t let that stop you.
On February 20th, 2009 at 6:36 pm ,
Dencia Says:

Hi, I stop for a while and everything is ok, then I will have one drink thinking I can control it then it just gets out of hand. Is it possible just to stop cold turkey.. If your drinking to self medicate because of mental issues what do you do then?
On February 20th, 2009 at 7:47 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Dencia

Most would agree on 2 points here:

1) Do NOT try to stop cold turkey. Seek a medical detox facility to quit drinking. Much, much safer that way. Cold turkey can be fatal.

2) You should try to treat your mental illness along side of your alcoholism. If you don’t then one can lead you back to the other.

Good luck to you….

@ Patrick B – Congrats on 5 years, that is a huge accomplishment and I agree that no one is going to get everything perfect, taking action is better than waiting for perfection. You are right on the money with that one!
On March 1st, 2009 at 3:14 pm ,
john Says:

want to give up drinking ,i only go out on weekends but drink far to much ,seem yo get blackouts a lot ,am in agreat relationship and due to get married next year .al ways making a fool of myself and flurting with women,and i am afraid if i dont do something now i will end up alone.and i love my wife to be .she dose not know about me being with other women.i need to do something.
On March 1st, 2009 at 3:18 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there John

Yes you do need to do something, I would recommend treatment or at least 12 step meetings to try and get some sort of foundation of basic sobriety going. I talk a lot about creation and long term sobriety on this website but in the beginning you need to get somewhere safe and you need to dry out and you need support. Treatment works and it worked for me so I suggest you start there. It is not a magic bullet but if you want it bad enough then good things will happen.

Don’t do it for your wife but do it for you. You are worth it. Go get some help. God bless…..
On April 4th, 2009 at 12:03 pm ,
David Says:

I just woke up after 4 hours of sleep just to get to the liquor store when it opens at 8am. During those 4 hours of sleep my body somehow broke down half a liter of scotch whiskey. Now I am a quarter of the way done with my current bottle. And it’s a beautiful morning. One that I should be excited for. But I feel like I deserve a drink after a nights sleep. I know this is wrong. I think I am a functioning alcoholic. I don’t drink during work. But as soon as I get home it’s 4 double shots of scotch. Then I can relax and waste away watching tv and eating fattening foods while taking an average of 2 shots per hour from then on. It’s a cycle I want to break but it’s completely normal for me. Nothing bad has happened to me yet except for feeling like crap for the first half of every day. What should I do…..?
On April 4th, 2009 at 7:48 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there David

If I were you I would look into getting some help for your problem. Have you ever tried to quit on your own? If not, try to cut down and then quit entirely. If you cannot do this then look into getting professional help for your drinking. It sounds like all the fun as long gone out of your drinking…why not make a change and enjoy life again?
On April 7th, 2009 at 1:42 am ,
David Says:

I really appreciate your response to my posting. I appologize that I was so blatant with what I said. I was feeling sorry for myself at the time which I seem to do more and more these days. I found your site out of random searching because I think I needed to get someones opinion of what life sober would be like. I am a person who lives his life on habit. I have a routine that I follow on a daily basis. This routine is on a downward spiral I believe. I am only 30 but I have been drinking steadily for 3 years now, every day. It is like a friend, along with my ciggarette habit that I have had since I was 15. I have never really dedicated myself to stop drinking on my own. Maybe a couple days out of a given year I don’t drink and honestly it scares me. The feeling of purity is foreign to me, and I don’t quite know what to do. I have an intense desire to be free of these vices. And yet it’s like an old friend who I miss. I have always had a problem with addictive substances. It seems to pass through generations. My father never was an alcoholic but my grandpa was. And he died of cancer. My life is good right now. I have a good job and a girlfriend who loves me but I she doesn’t realize how much I drink. The question is how do I go about convincing my brain that I should cut down or stop drinking for awhile? I think I could handle it if I had another opinion of what life is like being clean. Well I thank you again for even responding to me.
On April 15th, 2009 at 1:55 am ,
Cathy Says:

I found almost comforting reading about people who are currently stuggling with their alcohol addiction. I found David’s story so similar to mine that it was chilling. I’m sure my life would improve exponentially if I was able to get rid of my “toxic friend” who I call Gordy (after the name Fruity Gordo I saw on a cask of wine). However, eight o’clock rolls around and he’s there knocking on the door, asking to be let in. Why is Gordo male? Because only a man could make a woman make such stupid decisions that she knows are wrong for her. I also have problems letting go of things. I still mourn some poor bug I squashed in 1976. I look forewards to reading more comments from others. Bye.
On April 26th, 2009 at 3:30 am ,
Annie Says:

I’m glad I found you site.. I’m more of a binge drinker, when ever i get into a social suituation I have good intentions of just having a “few” but before i know it I’ve totally swtiched and just turn into someone I don’t even know. I say stupid things and act in a way I hate, falling over etc – it happens nearly everytime i’m in a suituation and its been this way since I started experimenting with drink at 16.. I’m so embrassed of my actions, the cloud of guilt that hangs over me the next day is far worse than any hangover.. I have a lovely husband who just hates who I turn into when I’m drunk and so do I. I’m so over it and really really want to change. I feel the best bet is giving the drink away forever.. I really want some help.
On April 26th, 2009 at 8:51 am ,
Patrick Says:

Hi Annie

Sounds like you need to ask for help, because you genuinely want to stop but obviously you are not successful in doing so.

You might have to prove to yourself that you cannot stop on your own. Do this through experimentation. Try with all your might to stop drinking on your own. If you fail at this then you know it is time to seek help.

Good luck….
On April 26th, 2009 at 2:33 pm ,
Brandon Says:

My dad lost the job he had for 21 years, and we all know it was his alcoholism that caused this. I am 15, and my dad is doing cold turkey as i type this…he has the television on, and he isn’t watching it, he is very nervous and jittery, is there anything i can do to help other then watch him suffer like this?
On April 26th, 2009 at 5:36 pm ,
Annie Says:

I have tried to do it before and failed.. however this time I have sought some help from a support service as i really am determined to not ever drink again this time.. my whole family has these issues – but at the end of the day the buck stops with me and I need to break the cycle.. the way I see it – I have everything to gain by doing so and everything to loose if I don’t…
On April 28th, 2009 at 4:00 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Brandon – If your dad is shaking violently you should take him to the emergency room. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal. Try to get him to a treatment center.

@ Annie – Good luck on your journey. Keep us posted as to your progress.
On May 26th, 2009 at 2:22 pm ,
Brent Says:

Hey guys / girls. I’m glad I found this site – as I read through the posts I have to agree with Cathy in that so many people on here have the same life story as mine. David – you are an inspiration to us all for saying that you said. I hope all goes well with your recovery. Annie – reading your post was like reading what happens in my life when I drink. I go through two 1.75 ml of Tvasrski 100 proof vodka a week. Oh God I want to cut down & I am! I’ve had enough of acting like an idiot, saying things I shouldn’t be saying, & my relationship with my two teenage sons is slowly going downhill. They do not know I drink as much as I do & when we’ve had “family meetings” to talk about whatever, I have asked them (recently) if my drinking has been a problem. I am lucky to have 16 years worth of great relationships with them & they have always been honest with me. Every time I ask them this question they always tell me “no – we don’t have a problem with your drinking.” This is why I don’t think they know how much I do drink. And if their mom ever found out – I’d lose custody of them. She cheated on me & drew our divorce out for 4 years – all to get $1,000.00 a month in child support. But in the end – I got custody & she has to pay me support each month. So she does everything she can to try to get custody & has been on this rampage for 4 years. *sigh* I’m beginning to get “alcoholics nose” as well. Some days you can see three veins on the side of my nose – other days you can’t. I’ve attended an AA meeting & the stories I heard were…….wakening to say the least. I’m not to the point of pissing myself when I sleep, I’m not to the point of drinking in the morning to get going, I can / have quit a few days in a row & my body was SO much better for doing that. And just when I get to feeling good I think “hey – I do have this under control & one drink isn’t going to kill me.” I started drinking like this about the time of the divorce too. Before then – I was a 6 pack on a week end type of drinker. Over the past 4 years this has morphed into the amount I’m drinking today. I’ve not had any law trouble because of my drinking but I know that could only be a matter of time. I have woken up from a night of drinking feeling like crap & missing work. Then as I lie there on the couch feeling guilty & physically horrible it’s about noon before I make myself a drink & start drinking. I have a wonderful girlfriend who does know how much I drink & she is not happy with me. As far as women go in my life, aside from my mom, this girl is the best woman that has been in my life of 41 years. I cannot loose her…..I cannot loose the boys. I know I am to the point where alcohol has not overtaken me completely but it is close…..so close I can smell it & I’m hoping this will scare me strait….

I will be on here checking other people’s posts so I wish you all the best & hope to hear from you all!
On May 28th, 2009 at 12:47 pm ,
Travis Says:

Hello all. I just want to say that I can relate to each of your postings in some way, and I wish each of you all the very best in your individual journeys.

I especially can relate to Brent in terms of his age and his custody situation being so similar to my own. Follow your gut… if you suspect you need to quit, you probably do. I also want to encourage Brandon to get some good advice from a counseling agency and be patient with him… I know what it is like to sit in front of the tv not really watching, just trying not to show my own nervousness.

My situation is that I realized I had a problem at a relatively young age. I didn’t drink like normal people do from the very beginning. I had blackouts almost as soon as I started drinking. I thought this was normal and part of drinking at first, but soon gained some knowledge of alcoholism when my older brother went through treatment while I was still in high school.

By age 22 I also found myself in treatment due primarily to some minor troubles with the law and the fact that I was severely depressed. I stayed sober for 13 years during which time I was married, had kids, secured a good job, had a couple promotions, and then after going through some of what Brent has experienced, I started in again- slowly at first but progressing to the point of drinking a twelve pack every night and more on weekends- much more.
Depression, difficulties at work, difficulties at home and terrible feelings of guilt have come with it.

I too still have a good job. I too still have my kids and a wonderful wife (I am remarried). I still wonder about those who REALLY hit bottom losing it all and wonder if I am really that bad. I learned in treatment twenty years ago that sometimes others can show us the bottom before we get there. We are the lucky ones at least in that respect and can learn from them. The foolish thing is that I did see where I was heading and then went back down that road again.

I have been trying in earnest to quit again, but it is tough as you all know. I haven’t drank in a couple of days and I quit for a good two weeks prior to that. I don’t intend to drink today and I’ll worry about tomorrow when it gets here- the traditional one day at a time approach I guess.

I just want someone else to know that I am out here struggling same as you to deal with this, overcome this, or whatever.
On June 3rd, 2009 at 9:00 pm ,
Kallie Says:

I am on here trying to find a magic cure for my drinking problem. I have been in and out of AA a few times..at first mandated by court, the last 2 times on my own.

I am trying to do this without going there. I think it really works for a lot of people, but I have issues with it. The last time I quit drinking I went to AA and quit for 4 months..the longest I’ve been sober in 15 years of alcoholism. I was thinking today that if I’d just stayed sober I’d be sober now for a year and a half.

When I started drinking again..I really was dedicated to running so I was really good about sticking to my program and made sure to have a good 3 days a week with no alcohol. In the past 5 months or so…I got back into my old ways of getting totally blasted nearly everyday. My tolerance is through the roof. I am a small girl that now puts away 15-20 beers a night. Alcohol consumes me..it owns me..I don’t even know who I am anymore. It takes precedence over me, my children, my life. I’m sick of it! I’m sick of obsessing every moment about when I can drink..and do I have enough beer at home. My post alcohol anxiety is sooo bad now..I itch all over..I see things..The worst thing is that my 16 year old daughter has now gotten an MIP and has come home many times totally wasted. She’s doomed between her Dad and I. I feel like I’m single and feel like I’m never going to be able to ever be able to date or be in a normal relationship.

The main problem is that I really wasn’t happy when I was sober. I felt depressed, sick, tired, lethargic, and boring. I went back to drinking and man it was fun…for a while….I want to be sober..and be happy, fun, productive..I just want to be normal..Help
On June 3rd, 2009 at 9:31 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Kallie

I think you already know that there is no magic cure. You are already close to the path that will get you there in my opinion. Sounds like you experienced some brief but significant periods of sobriety already.

It seems like you know what works, at least in the short run. You can make a real effort, with or without AA, and probably duplicate your previous success. I think you can go beyond that as well and find long term sobriety.

Using AA or any other fellowship is not necessarily a bad thing, especially in the early stages. My only problem with the 12 step program is that I think people get stuck in them sometimes and can find more growth by pushing themselves in other directions. But AA is better than nothing.

And you have tasted some sobriety….you know what you have to do. Do it! If you have to go to treatment or detox or ask for help or whatever…do it! Do what it takes to start living a life of sobriety. If AA is not for you then find another path. It is up to you to do so.

Do not feel trapped by alcohol. If you are willing to seek help then you can break free from this and you already know this. You have experienced it. So make a decision to do what it takes.

OK pep talk over! Good luck to you…..
On June 11th, 2009 at 11:57 pm ,
Dyan Says:

Wow..I just googled how to stop drinking…and I have been reading all the posts and I have to say Patrick at the end of your article when you spoke of it being a fine line. “You are just miserable enough to want to stop drinking, but at the same time you are 2 seconds away from saying “screw it” and going to get another bottle”…i broke down in tears…my story is very similar to others here…Im 43 married with two grown kids and have been drinking heavy for about 4yrs I would say…mostly every day…and it used to be a glass of wine here and a cooler there…now i can kill a bottle of wine in record time and most days i crack a beer the moment I get home from work…or make sure i stop at the store b4 I do get home…every time i try to stop I always find myself drinking again and feel very defeated…my husband drinks too…used to be him with the problem and now I take the spotlight so to speak or maybe we just take turns…usually when I want to stop…he will buy more alcohol…so when one wants to quit the other doesn’t and its a vicious circle…but clearly i drink more often than him…I always thought cold turkey was the only way to quit…and i never ever set a date to quit …this reading tonight has given me a lot to think about…Im so glad I found this site
On June 12th, 2009 at 7:43 am ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Dyan

It might be the case that one of you two has to get sober first. Perhaps treatment can be the small amount of separation that is needed to make it work. Hopefully the other person can get sober next.

I have not seen many examples where people got sober together and made it stick. But one at a time, yes.

Good luck to both of you…..
On June 15th, 2009 at 4:55 am ,
Tim Says:

Wow, I am so glad I found this site!

I have been suffering with a drinking problem for 3 years now. I am only 21 and drink till i pass out almost every night. There is no in between for me, either I dont drink, or a drink to get blackout drunk. I have lost several jobs and many friends from my habit. I never drink by myself, but will always find someone to “chill with” It has killed the social life i once had, I now cant talk to anyone without being intoxicated, because of the picked up anxiety. Ive tried to quit before but every time I go a couple of days I start feeling so much better, and want to drink on this new high that im feeling. I used to be active with sports and running but now Im always too hungover to do anything. I literally feel powerless.
Where can i find meeting around me, or someone who can help. Im too young to get alcohol shakes.
On June 15th, 2009 at 2:48 pm ,
Pam Says:

Hi all, thank you so much!!!! I am also a binge drinker. I cant seem to be able to say NO!. I have a son 18 months old and in a committed relationship. When I drink i say and do really bad things, I have black outs and am embarrassed of who I become. The problem is that I do not see myself as an alcoholic. I drink to have fun and I later do not like who I become when drunk. I hate myself right now. What kind of a mother am I? what would my son say when she sees or hears the things I do when they embarrass even me? OH How I hate myself right now. I want to stop this behavior but finds it difficult to face the possible change in my social life…I am afraid to live the life of a loner as most of my friends drink. I have no idea why I have this behavioral change when drunk when everybody else seems to be doing just fine with alcohol??????????? I totally embarrass myself and am worried about my reputation that is diminishing ever time I go out drinking. I have stopped before for 2 years on my own but can’t seem to avoid getting trapped in this havoc behavior again.
On June 26th, 2009 at 5:52 pm ,
Rich Says:

Thanks for your posting Patrick.I just recently stopped drinking.I made up my mind and stopped.It was not easy,I was drinking a pint of whiskey and close to a case of beer a day.I should have asked for help to get detoxed but felt ashamed.I slowly cut down my drinking over a three day period and then stopped.I felt terrible for about three more days,sweating shaking,had to force myself to eat.I could barely talk.I told people at work I had a cold.Yes I went to work I forced myself.I just kept telling myself that I didn’t have to drink and that every day would get better.
On June 28th, 2009 at 10:48 am ,
Rick Says:

Wow this is a neat site. My name is Rick and I am an alcoholic. Booze has taken me to places I never wanted to go. It put me in a bad marrage, got me in trouble with the law, made my body feel sicker than ever before or after. I am currently sober. I am finally starting to live. The secret for me, Is acceptance. I live with my sisters, really grateful to have them. I have a brother in law that lives with us. He was in recovery when I moved here. Though for the past few weeks, he started falling back. At first it worried me that being here would cause me to relapse again. instead, I get a grim reminder of my behaviors when I was sick, compulsivly drinking with the inability to stop. Keeps me sober. I used to attend AA, sometimes I will go to a meeting when I need to. But just realizing and accepting the fact that one drink will lead me back to where I was, keeps me sober. Strange things happen when I pick up the bottle. The whole world changes, I change, everything changes. One drink for me is like getting on the merry-go-round, you go round and round, dont know when it is going to stop, what direction I will be facing when it does stop, and when it does, I will normally fall down, (like the dizziness from the merry-go-round). anyway, I have bookmarked this site and will be around quite a bit.
Rick
On July 5th, 2009 at 12:56 am ,
mike Says:

hi everyone i haven’t darnk in over a year but the best part is that i dont even think of it anymore, i am an alcoholic, during my last drinking bouts i was consuming a liter of vodka and 130mg. of valium a day! i was a mess but i started following the 12 steps, not just going to meetings. Iv’e heard people say meeting makers make it, when really when i did that i just stayed in the meetings long enough for my internal condition to drive me out and drink again. for me following the 12 steps worked, and it just might work for you too, in fact im sure of it! if anyone wants to you can email me and i’ll gladly help you find a way out of the alcoholic prison you might be in. chadknees@yahoo.com God bless you all, your in my prayers!
On July 6th, 2009 at 4:55 pm ,
Kasimir Says:

Thank you.
I have read all of the comments and I am overwhelmed….I thought that I was alone or going crazy in my mind. In a society where social alcohol intake is considered normal, i have for many years wanted to break out of that circle, but my thoughts were considered anti-social.
I have related to many of you, some of your life patterns are so damn similar so I won’t bore you with my details. All i know is that I want to stop taking alcohol.
It is slowly destroying who I am and I have to change my life routines or I know for sure that I will lose myself and those that I love.
I can’t attend AA meetings because irony of ironies, I have to live in a country that is not English speaking. But life has given me good friends around me I want to admit to them that I need help.
This is my first time I searched and I found this site. Can I please write in and ask for advice?
I have found so much strength from ALL of your comments. It’s funny, I thought I was alone..But now I feel positive because of your life stories…It has given me the will to change : )
Thank you. Everyone.
x K
On July 7th, 2009 at 11:51 am ,
Brent Says:

Greetings again everyone! I am replying to my own post from 5/26. I have some good news – I have cut down from drinking two 1.75 liters of Tavarski 100 proof vodka to drinking about four glasses of wine each night. Hopefully, I can now cut that amount back as well. The key, I found, is to keep myself busy when I get home. You see – I never did the bat thing – too expensive. Guess my tightwad personality has paid off. Anyway, I would drink when I got home (only). This would include my house or my GF house. In addition, I found as long as I kept my mind / body occupied, the thought of alcohol never entered my mind. I also drank only @ nights because it is SO hard for me to get to sleep. Therefore, I save all my big chores (yard work, REALLY cleaning the house, laundry, etc) for when I get home. Even after all that, if I could not go to sleep I walked…..about two miles a night. By the time 10p rolled around, I was exhausted! There have been nights still, where I have to take a LEGAL & non-additive sleeping pill but I break it in half. The last thing I need is to switch addictions!

So what has my scaling back my alcohol intake done for me? I no longer wake up feeling like crap. I have to be at work around 7a & in the past, I wasn’t productive until 12p or so. It really is a wonder to wake up & go through your day w/o feeling as if you had been hit by a truck. The shaking has stopped too. I did not have the DT’s however; my hands would shake @ any given moment making me look like I had Parkinson’s or something like that.

I want to encourage you all to keep going – YOU…..CAN…..DO…..THIS! If anything, try this one simple little experiment:

Keep your mind / body occupied & do not think about alcohol for one night. Do whatever you have to do to wear yourself out. Then go to bed. I promise you the next morning you will have had the BEST sleep you’ve had in a very long time. That feeling of waking up the next morning NOT feeling like dirt will really stick to you. And you’ll want more of that. And then everything snowballs (for the good) from there.
On July 7th, 2009 at 12:09 pm ,
Patrick Says:

That sounds interesting Brent. I am glad you are making progress.

Please come back and keep us posted on this long term. Most do not have much success with moderation but some do. If you find it works for you in the long run then please come let us know!

If you ever want more help with the shift to quitting entirely, please let me know. Good luck!
On July 9th, 2009 at 8:05 am ,
Brent Says:

Thanks Patrick. I’m not doing the “moderation” thing permanently. All the research I’ve done said to never ‘cold turkey’ alcohol because of the affects of doing so. So this is why I have gone from the amount I did drink to what I drink now & my goal now is to stop all alcohol.

BTW – went to my Dr. yesterday. Three months ago my blood pressure had been at 136 over 98. Since I have scaled down my drinking, as of yesterday, my blood pressure is 114 over 77. So if anything this will show what quitting drinking will do for you in just two months.
On July 9th, 2009 at 3:57 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Yep the blood pressure straightening out is very common. Many people find that they can get off their BP meds eventually after they sober up.

Good luck on your goal of complete abstinence. It was a life changer for me. Best thing I ever did…..
On July 14th, 2009 at 3:36 am ,
Rick Says:

Funny story about blood pressure and alcoholism. I was at the grocery store with my wife. (now my ex). the pharmacy there had a computerized BP meter there. so we both decided to check ours out. I hadnt had a drink in about 8 hours, so I was in withdraw. I put my arm in the machine and it diddnt even flash numbers, it said “call physician Immediatly” He he, it really wasnt too funny, but looking back on it though, I just went and bought another case of beer and thought nothing more of it. Just goes to show the insanity of this disease. Now I get my BP checked and it is normal Thank you God???
On July 14th, 2009 at 3:43 am ,
Rick Says:

By the way folks, I have done Cold Turkey a number of times and I will say it is dangerous. I did have a seizure once. I dont recommend it. DTs are no joke! If you are at the point that you are seeing or hearing things that are not there trying to get dry, I suggest going to the ER. Tell them you are trying to detox, they will give you a sedative that is not alcohol to bring you down. I have tried taking a few drinks to take the edge off but it always led me to drunk again, and even worse than before. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful! It wants you dead! Never forget that.
On July 14th, 2009 at 8:27 am ,
Reilly Says:

Hello, I’m sitting here watching the clock until the liqure store opens. I’ve convinced myself to buy half the amount I usually buy. I want to cut down to nothing in a week and maybe not have withdrawls. I’m sick of drinking and want badly to stop completly and get on with life. I’ve been drinking pretty heavily for 10 or 12 years. I lost my job and have no insurance so I can’t pay for detox. What are my other choices? Thanks
On July 14th, 2009 at 8:43 am ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Reilly

I am not going to tell you to do anything in your power to avoid drinking this morning. That is not a wise choice in my opinion, as alcohol withdrawal is very dangerous. So if you have to drink then you should drink. However, I think you can still take action today, even if you are drinking. Get up your courage and get on the phone and make some calls. Tell people you need help and you need to get into treatment of some sort. Ask them to direct you. If you cannot afford treatment, tell them your situation and ask them if there are alternatives or programs that might help you.

If you can take these simple actions today and reach out and use the phone and try to get some help, it could make a huge difference and end up changing your life. Call a help line, call an AA number in the phone book, call a local treatment center, and so on. Call and ask questions and write down phone numbers and chase these leads until you have an action plan for how you can quit drinking.

Don’t try to do it alone. Get some help. My 2 cents anyway. I am sure some would urge you not to drink today, but I think that is too risky if you do not have a way to get into detox somewhere.
On July 19th, 2009 at 1:50 am ,
Albert Says:

Hello Everybody and Thank you Patrick for Making this Post.
I am too an alcoholic. I won’t go into details what drinking had done to me and my health. It’s terrible. I am afraid I had done permanent damage to some of my organs. I have not been getting wasted for past week. Meaning I only had very little to drink. I also don’t know where and how to seek help. Anyway, I thank you for this post. It does give me some hope. All the best to everybody.
On July 21st, 2009 at 2:31 pm ,
Beth Says:

Hey everyone, I am 21 and can admit I definately do have a drinking problem. I started drinking heavily when I was 14, and since then I haven’t had a week where I wasn’t sober. In high school my friends realized I would get out of control and that I had a problem. Then when I went to college I only drank more, and I would consume half of a 1.75 bottle of fleishmans or captain. Just about every time I go out I black out, and lately I black out to the point where I dont remember anything at all. I have always been a social person, but because of all the anxiety I experienced every morning after drinking I now can’t be social without drinking. I know I need to change, but I would like some input on how to start being social again. Because all of my friends are pretty huge partiers that is all I have known, and lately I’m trying to distance myself from them. Do you think it is a good idea to stop hanging out wherever there will be drinking?….help me
On July 21st, 2009 at 2:51 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Albert – Good luck Albert, do whatever you can to stay sober today.

@ Beth – Yeah that is a tough situation. It is almost impossible to just stop hanging around all of your friends all at once. The way I did it was to go to long term treatment. There I made new friends of course but who in their right mind would walk away from their existing friendships? It is tough. I had to get miserable enough to walk away from all the friends in my life and make new ones in treatment.

I think this is harder the younger you are.
On July 22nd, 2009 at 2:49 pm ,
jenna Says:

I am 23 years old, and I am currently engaged to a wonderful man. A man that is so fed up with my drinking, he has been questioning the wedding and his future with me. I am the sweetest, most loving and affectionate person when I am sober….and the exact opposite of those things when I drink. I think of it as Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde. Not all times, but most, I get loud and rude, I say disrespectful things, I do stupid things, and a few times I have been violent with my fiance. I rarely drink, we dont even keep alcohol in the house. But when we do go out and drink, it’s heavy, and even leads to other “activities”.
So I would consider myself a binge drinker, I dont need alcohol everday, I dont crave it…I just dont know when to stop. And I’m tired of being “in the dog house”. So I’m looking for help/suggestions to determine how to fix my problem before I lose my fiance. I know I need to just eliminate alcohol from my life, but I need some encouragement and strength to do this for real. I have been told I have a “chemical imbalance” and that’s why I act so horrible when I drink. But what does that mean? And how do you really change your lifestyle when your partner isnt much help and still wants to go drink etc becasue they’re not the one with the problem. Do people “outgrow” the way they are when they drink? Will I ever be able to have just one glass of wine at dinner, or is it neccessary to keep away from alcohol completely?
On July 22nd, 2009 at 7:38 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Jenna

I honestly don’t know if you are an alcoholic. Really I do not. But this is a telling statement you made right here: “I know I need to just eliminate alcohol from my life…”

The true scope of the problem is probably much bigger than that. Not that your words are wrong necessarily, because they are not, but you need to take it a step further in my opinion. Elimination is not enough.

You can experiment to your heart’s content with controlled drinking, but you need to be honest with yourself about it. Are you having fun with it? Or are you gritting your teeth, just waiting for an opportunity when you can really cut loose?

I don’t think you will ever “outgrow” the way you behave while drunk. If you don’t like it, then you should stop getting drunk. If that is a serious challenge for you then you might be an alcoholic. If you are an alcoholic then my suggestion is complete abstinence.

You probably need to take things slowly and figure out what is really going on. Do you need to drink in order to have fun? Can you go for, say, 30 days without any alcohol?

Can you go for 30 days with a limit of 1 drink per day? Is that fun for you? Just questions that can help point to the truth for you……
On July 27th, 2009 at 10:38 am ,
Russ Says:

My name is Russ and I am an alcholic. I am 49 and own my own construction company. I am so glad I found this site. Thank you Patrick.
I am and have been a daily drinker for my entire adult life. I can still have just a beer or two and stop but too often I cross the line and continue to drink util I am drunk. I hate who I become when I drink too much (the next day) Like Jenna above I become mean and extremely loud and obnoxious when I get drunk. I black out most of the time for at least some portion of the night. My father was a weekend drunk and I hated who he became on the weekends. This is the culture I have lived in my entire life. Fun = liquor that has always been me since high school. Having a drink after work, at dinner, with friends, any social occasion and I am drinking. There is a line that I cross and after that I am not going to stop even though when I go to the liquor cabinet I think you don’t need this I still do it, by that time am usually just taking a swig from the bottle. I have never drank at work or felt I NEEDED a drink during the day. I don’t drink before 5:00 on most weekends. I don’t get drunk every night but I do drink every night after work. My entire family on both sides have had drug and alchohol problems. My exwife is dying from liver and pancrease problems due to alchohol abuse, which is one of many reasons we got divorced. I have told myself for years and years I don’t have a problem as I could always see someone close to me who had much more of a problem that me. I only occasionally drink too much I say to myself, but in the last few years I end up on the dark side too often. This past weekend I worked all day painting with my partner of seven years. She had the help of her adult daughter and her daughter’s friend. After a long productive day we stopped off on the way home for something to eat and a pitcher of margaritas. I drank more than the others we were all having a great time. When we got home I was on a roll and made a round of cosmoplitians. I didn’t even notice I was the only one who drank all of mine and then had a refill. I behaved horribly and started to rant about who knows what and just babbled into the night getting stupider and meaner until everyone finally went to bed. I said some pretty nasty things about my partner whom I love dearly. She is fed up with my drinking, I am fed up. We have had this conversation before. If I can’t control the beast it will continue to consume not only me but everyone around me. Alcohol is not my friend……I did not drink yesterday. This is day 2
On July 27th, 2009 at 12:19 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Well Russ it sounds like you know what you need to do. I would suggest a 30 day trial of complete abstinence and evaluate how that goes for you. If you don’t like who you are when you are sober then you can leave the door open for a return to drinking. But I would urge you to give yourself 30 days of continuous sobriety in order to really evaluate your life.

You can have fun without drinking. I did not believe that when I was still drunk but it is true for anyone. Life becomes fun and interesting again if you give sobriety a chance. Give it 30 days at least, that is my suggestion.
On July 27th, 2009 at 1:43 pm ,
Rae Says:

Patrick – Thank You for this site. I have been reading everyone’s comments – and it’s been very enlightening.

I have been on anti-depressants for a long time, and they basically quit working so my doc wanted to switch me to something else.

I have always known that alcohol is a depressant and yet I continued to drink the whole time.

I have decided to not get on the new anti-depressants and to quit drinking. I don’t drink every day, but when I do drink, I drink a lot. I don’t remember the conversations I have, I drunk text ex-boyfriends (and I’m currently married), and then obviously the next day I’m not worth a darn doing anything productive and eating like crap.

I’m scared to live my life without drinking – because everything I do evolves around it…like football/hockey games, birthdays/graduations/celebrations, just being stressed out from work – coming home to drink wine. I’m not sure how to “deal” without the alcohol…but reading the articles on this site will be a big help.

I want to live a happy, healthy, active life without any drugs or alcohol.
On July 27th, 2009 at 3:14 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi Rae

Sounds like you are at a turning point in your life.

Be careful with stopping the anti depressants. Most are not addictive and you can still be “clean and sober” even if you are taking them. I recommend that you talk to your doctor on this one.

Also, those medications never, ever work if you are drinking with them. So maybe give them a chance while sober? Like I said, talk to your doc, and be honest about your drinking history. Just my 2 cents there.

I understand your fear about facing life sober. You have to meet that fear head on and give sobriety a chance. It is hard but it gets much easier after you get your feet wet with it. Good luck!
On August 1st, 2009 at 12:54 am ,
Albert Says:

Hi.

I have posted a note couple of weeks ago. I did stop drinking almost 100% ever since. I have been waking up in the morning early and almost with no hangover. something I had not remembered in longest time. Thanks for this site, somehow it had giving me some strength. Good look to everybody, stay strong, I think it gets easier from day to another. At least for me. Again, thank you Patrick for this site.

All the best to everybody.
On August 1st, 2009 at 6:41 am ,
Patrick Says:

God bless Albert. Thanks for your comment and good job on your success…..
On August 13th, 2009 at 2:02 am ,
Maria Says:

Wow! I read everyone’s comments and could have written half of them myself. I don’t every day, not even once a week, probably twice a month but when I do I drink until I blackout and have a hangover for days sometimes. I know that the answer is to quit completely. I think I am going to try to stop for 30 days and see how I feel after that. Good luck to everyone else and I am glad that I am not alone with this problem.
On August 17th, 2009 at 2:21 pm ,
Steph Says:

Another day! Another promise to myself and my husband – I’ll quit. I’m embarassed to get help. I can’t let my job know I have an issue! I’m scared of losing my husband. I don’t know where to go from here. I guess all I can do is take it a day at a time.
On August 17th, 2009 at 3:57 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Steph

Good luck to you on your journey….yes, all of us are taking it a day at a time, whether we like it or not! Your job probably suspects an “issue” anyway….so you might want to go ahead and get some help now rather than later. Just a thought though…..good luck!
On August 18th, 2009 at 5:12 am ,
JPVD Says:

Thank you Patrick for this post.
It is so good to see so many with the same issues as me.

I always think about a guy named ‘Ace’. He was a small-town hero in my town. Always a fun party guy, lots of friends, married his sweetheart and went to work for the town. But slowly the party ended and he kept drinking anyways. He just kept drinking through his 30s, 40s, 50s and slowly lost everything and became the town drunk.

I’m 37 and have been drinking heavily since 14. Maybe not ‘heavily’ at the start; but the intention was always to get drunk.
I came from a small town where (I thought) all there was to do was to get drunk. First just Saturday night dances.

Then in college it became a daily thing. Getting trashed at whatever bar had a special going. All specials were solely to get people drunk. I prided myself on my increasing tolerance.

After college I worked in various countries, and began to consume a lot of alcohol, nightly. I ended up in England for a few years where I turned 30 and really began to put the booze away. I began to realise the party was ending but I couldn’t accept it. I looked for ‘party’ mates to justify my drinking. I ended up in relationships with alcoholics.

I again moved countries and am now happily married with 1 kid and another due very soon. I have to accept the ‘drinking’ party is over.

I am not a mean drunk, but am a thoughtless one. I have started to obsess about how, when and where to drink; and in the morning- why? Even the time spent googling for help is alcohol robbing me of ‘family’ party time. I should be at home putting the kid to bed and playing trivial pursuit with my wife.

I stopped once before, for health issues. It was tough, but I went 10 weeks. After the initial first few days of sweats and cravings, things levelled out. I stopped thinking thinking thinking about drinking. It was wonderful to have a clear head and ideas. I messed up and thought i was ok and slowly creeped back into my 2 litres of red wine a night habit.

My hands shake, my face is becoming red and puffy. Colleagues have noted ‘big night out last night?’ in relation to my alcohol breath in the morning. I am doing a Diploma course that requires homework at night: no way because after 5 it is drinking time. I was laying in bed hungover 1 sunday morning and my daughter got out of the yard and almost ran into the road. A stranger saved my child’s life while I was moaning in bed.

I’m 37 and I refuse to become ‘Ace’. I’m not being arrogant here, but at this point in time, the one thing that stops me from being truly happy in regards to my life, wife, kids, friends, work and even meagre possessions is my inability to stop consuming alcohol.

So why not? Just don’t drink tonight and see how tomorrow turns out.

Thanks you all…sorry for the long post but it is very cathartic.

I’ve bookmarked this site to see how we are all doing.

good luck!
On August 18th, 2009 at 9:15 pm ,
iaccepme Says:

Wow, this is a great blog, thank you Patrick. I’ve been trying for the last two weeks to cut down on my drink. First week lasted until the weekend, drank on Friday . I didn’t drink again until the following Friday, but I did black out, I only recently started to black out, which is scary to me. I skipped Sat and drank two beers on Sunday, haven’t drank since. After reading this whole blog. It put things into perspective for me, I haven’t really suffered severe withdraws like some of you have, it’s scary to know that it can happen to me, if I continue. By reading this blog I am convinced that I need to really quit all together now. I was going to just do weekends but, I realize thats not enough. I have been visiting another blog http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/12/07/how-to-quit-drinking-alcohol/ I’ve included the blog address, it’s very encouraging it has a 30 day plan similar to the 30 day plan Maria was talking about earlier on this blog. I recommend it, the more we ready about others and their experience, I believe it will be easier for us all. I’m sorry if this was long.

I would love to continue on this blog, so we can all work together on quitting alcohol and it’s demons.

I am 47 years old and have been drinking heavy for the last 6 + years. I’m ready to quit. My God bless you all in your journey, I will have you in my prayers. Please continue posting your feelings, your journey, accomplishments, etc…
On August 18th, 2009 at 9:39 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Iaccepme

Yes I would encourage you to give complete abstinence a chance. At the very least give it a 30 day trial to see if it works for you. I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised with how quickly your life changes for the better. Sounds like you are on the journey to do this……
On September 4th, 2009 at 12:57 pm ,
KLee Says:

I have been drinking almost daily after work ever since my divorce and it makes me feel good. My worries and stress go away and Im happy. I drink more and more and I know this is not good for my health. I try to stop and not buy alcohol but that only will last a day or two and then I feel I deserve a drink. I don’t want people to know that I have this problem. It hasn’t been a real problem yet but I dont want it to get worse and I want to stop. I crave the feeling it gives me after the first few shots of Vodka and redbull but I need to get healthy and I dont want to be an alcoholic. I have been drinking like this for about a year or so and Im going to try to stop again today. I just woke up with a slight headache from drinking a whole bottle last night. I think after that its a waste and I shouldnt have done it but I have this little voice telling me to do it! Otherwise I feel bored and lonely. Typing this I feel like an idiot because I can see that I have lost control of myself in a way and that is scary. I never in my life used to drink like this until now.
On October 2nd, 2009 at 1:28 am ,
DL1919 Says:

I am 60 and I can’t stop drinking. I really enjoy drinking alcohol even though it makes me feel badly the next day. I know it is bad for my health. I am very shy and AA is totally out of the question! I would need to get drunk to go to an AA meeting! Having a drink before a party so I would feel more comfortable is how it all started! Also, it’s really not a social issue – I only have a couple of drinks in public – most of my drinking is at home! (Husband also drinks heavily – and falls asleep.) Does anyone have any suggestions???
On October 3rd, 2009 at 3:26 am ,
Sarah Says:

What an incredible site – a million thanks to you, Patrick, for starting this blog.

I imagine that most find their way here by Googling “how to stop drinking” or something like that. I find pieces of myself in each and every posting – thanks to all of you for sharing your stories.

I’m a 43 year old woman who appears young but feels old physically. I would like to jump off the merry-go-round of excessive drinking.

I once was a budding professional and after college moved from Ohio to NYC. Alcohol quickly kicked my arse within 2 years of moving to the east coast. I went to AA meetings and got a year of sobriety under my belt. I met the man who would become my first husband in an AA meeting. He had been sober for 8 years. On our honeymoon in Aruba, he decided to drink. Our marriage deteriorated within several years, though in fact it was over within months after the honeymoon because he changed from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde seemingly overnight. I was the (annoyed) sober one, he was the drunk.

Fast forward to a divorce in 2001. I moved to an apt. and then bought my own home. This began my era of “well-deserved” evening glasses of wine after work which quickly escalated to 1-2 bottles of wine per night. Somehow I was highly functional for the first few years and met the man of my dreams. We have so much in common. He enjoys a few beers or a glass of wine here and there, but doesn’t have a “problem”.

My excellent corporate career in the city was cut short when my company downsized in 2006. I took all of my 401k retirement savings and invested in a home-based business, which was a recipe for disaster. I missed my old co-workers terribly and felt a lack of direction with the new business and began drinking even more. Even though it wasn’t a conscious decision on my part to numb my emotional pain, that is exactly what I was doing and continue to do.

Predictably, my business failed so I had to find a new job in a new industry as a “dinosaur” at 40+. After months of searching I found a low-level version of what I used to do at HALF the salary I used to make. I drank more to compensate for my anxiety about finances.

And that is where I find myself today… searching for an answer, Googling “how to quit drinking” and feeling quite inspired by everyone’s posts.
On October 3rd, 2009 at 7:47 am ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Sarah

Thanks for reading here. Good luck to you on your journey….
On October 14th, 2009 at 2:30 pm ,
Robin Says:

What a wonderful site. I’ve been having trouble with drinking off and on (mostly on) for about 15 years and finally quit in August….i can hear myself in nearly everyone’s story; and appreciate all that has been shared.

The drinking habitually crept up on my until it was central to my life. I was “high functioning” so it was sort of easy to stay in denial and imagine I was in control. Yet, it nagged at my soul, inside, every every day or even minute, the shame, the knowing it was bad for me, the knowing it was bad for my soul, all the drinking.

I’ve been attending AA and have found it helpful, my own inclinations plus that alcohol have made me very withdrawn. I’ve just gotten a sponsor so am only now starting to have AA contact outside meetings; yet I have found the common stories and socialization of just being around other people comforting.

Also some of the structures, processes and slogans have been comforting in sorting out what is next for me. and that I don’t have to understand everything that has transpired in and around me over the last 15 years, my whole life really, RIGHT NOW. Just sort out the next right thing. I have a mind that can get kind of over active, so this one thing at a time structure has been comforting.

Yet I do struggle with the notion of AA being the ONLY way; I have a strong spiritual life (getting stronger without alcohol :)) and love hiking, skiing, walking, kayaking, birding – things I set aside for too long for a drink :(. I want to build a program of long term sobriety that probably will include AA to an extent, but also is built on things that are innately “me” and bring me joy. I also like alot the bits I’ve read about taking action, lots of action. Thinking about drinking and thinking about stopping drinking have already consumed too much of my life.

It’s really nice to have found this site. I appreciate alot the balance about AA; while trying to “think” about AA and my place in it I’ve mostly found either doctrine or hate-AA sites, neither of which was helpful.

Thank you so much.

Blessings, Robin
On October 14th, 2009 at 2:52 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi there Robin – sounds like you are a deep thinker! Yes, I am very neutral when it comes to AA. If anything I would lean toward using it in early sobriety, and also pushing yourself to grow beyond the boundaries of traditional 12 step dogma as you progress into the later years. Maybe that is “cheating.” I’m not sure. I am still discovering recovery for myself, and learning new things every day.

It sounds like you are seeking a healthy balance as well. God bless….
On October 15th, 2009 at 6:00 pm ,
richard Says:

need some help with slowing down send me advise
On October 15th, 2009 at 8:47 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Richard – trying to slow down on your own is tough. I have never done it successfully. I could only stop completely, and the only truly safe way to do that is in a medical detox facility.

I always encourage rehab, because that is what worked for me. I also see it working for many others. The alternatives are too risky and unreliable in my opinion. Good luck!
On October 17th, 2009 at 9:40 am ,
Marie Says:

I have a question arising from this thread and from others here (and I have already posted my “story” on another thread here):

I keep seeing mention of the concept of finding sober friends when in recovery.
How does this fit in with someone who is still drinking and has not yet gone back into a recovery programme??

I am a non-drinker. I did not know for the first few months of a friendship that a good friend was alcoholic, not until she fell off the wagon after 10 months dry. I had not known her before, when she was drinking.
To what extent is my long-term friendship good for her?
Should she not have ANY friends pre-recovery? is this the key to entering a recovery phase – that NOBODY, regardless of their status, who has been in her life at any time she has been drinking, should remain in her life when she enters recovery?
In other words, I don’t want to jeopardise either her chances of being ready for recovery nor of the success of the actual programme. But I am a friend who is not particularly interested in alcohol and has a fairly active life that does not even include anything concerning alcohol. (sports; chatting with friends; dogwalking; visiting Care Homes with my dog)

Is the concept that an alcoholic should break ALL ties in order to become clean??
On October 17th, 2009 at 9:48 am ,
Patrick Says:

Hi Marie

That is a good question. Bottom line is that you can and should be an important friend and part of the support system for your alcoholic friend.

Most people in recovery will need to find some of their support from other people in recovery. But I think it is equally important to have some “normies” in their life too…..people just like you, who are supportive but not in recovery.

Many in early recovery will disagree with this idea, based on their constant need and push to relate to each other in meetings. In long term recovery the need to “relate” to other alcoholics becomes much less and important, and living a real life outside of recovery meetings becomes more important.

Having “normal” friends is a very important part of long term sobriety. It is not all about “connecting” with other recovering alcoholics. People over-do that social aspect of recovery, in my opinion, and it can even detract from what they really need to do in order to stay sober.

So you are an important friend to her! Do not discount the value of your friendship just because you are not in recovery…..
On October 19th, 2009 at 8:25 pm ,
Kathe Says:

Hey guys,
I came across this site like many of you did, searching on the internet for the solution to quit drinking, or find people who are also suffering with the same problem. I’m 27 and have recenlty returned from an amazing trip abroad in South America. I was there for 8 months, and loved the experience! I’ve been bouncing around between my parents house and NYC upon my return. I lived in NYC for the past 9 years before leaving on my trip. Since being back at my parent’s house, I have been drinking more heavily than ever. My dad is an alchololic and the both of us can easily kill 2 bottles of wine a night. I always was aware of my drinkings as alcoholism runs heavily on both sides of my family. I used to be able to control it for years in NY. But since returning and being here, I drink at least 4 drinks a night. I can kill a bottle of wine within an hour. I’ve had anxiety issues off and on and I’m realizing that I cannot conduct a normal meeting wthout feeling anxious. When I head into the city, I am so anxious meeting with people, that I think part of this is from drinking. However, my anxiety always subsides with a drink. I desperately do not want to fall into this cycle, and I see myself going down a bad bad path. I used to model and be in great shape, and I feel like alcohol is having such an affect on my body inside and out. I want to go back to South America and do the social work I planned on doing next year, but I’m afraid that I cannot do anything until I get a handle on my drinking. I do not remember the last day I had nothing to drink, maybe sometime in June? That is really sad to me. I’m afraid of what life is like being completely abstinent. I know that I’m drinking more because I’m bored rather than being busy in NY. However, I’m afraid of going down a cycle where even when I return to NY in 2 weeks, I will be so dependent, that I cannot go back to my old life. My drinking is making me completely dependent, and I’m so afraid of this. If anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated.
On October 19th, 2009 at 8:39 pm ,
Kathe Says:

The other thing I wanted to add, is that I truly undersatnd the relation of being inactive and not stimulated and drinking. I know that I’m drinking more out here at my parent’s house because I just have too much time on my hands. My fear and the reality I’m realizing is that I’m creating another problem in and of itself. I’m hoping it’s not too late, and that I have not gotten myself too deep in the hole.
On October 19th, 2009 at 8:53 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Kathe – I think the idea of traveling might make early recovery even more challenging than it needs to be. To me it sounds like you might be the type of person who could really benefit from AA meetings. I rarely recommend that to just anyone on this website as I have found so many alternatives that seem to work well for me and for others. But when you told your story here it just made me think that meetings could be a powerful tool for you. I would urge you to at least give them a try because I think they will be one of the only things that can save you in the short run.

Now if you stay sober for a few years, you may break away from meetings eventually, but right now I really think they would help you. I am of course talking about going to meetings every single day and becoming involved in the fellowship. If this is not an option for you, or you simply don’t like the idea, then I think you should still consider the idea of finding some serious social support when you return to NY.
On October 19th, 2009 at 9:11 pm ,
Kathe Says:

Thanks for your advice Patrick. I am going to attend an AA meeting as soon as I return on Nov 1. I think so many of us need a positive social network that does not involve drinking, and its such a part of society, that it can be difficult to find. Especially for the growing amount of ppl who are unemployed, a sense of worthlessness begins to preside over us. I’m excited to learn what it’s like to have fun again being sober. I think it’s important to mention that depression is usually lurking in the shadow of alcoholism. I’m hoping to get a handle on my alcoholism before it progresses to the exent that it overshadows the depression, that partially aided in my incessant drinking. Thank you for this site. It’s so nice to talk to someone who understands.
On October 21st, 2009 at 7:47 am ,
Rob Says:

Wow I dont know where to start because all the stories sound like my own. I guess i drank to self medicate because i felt sorry for my self. I dont know why because I have a good job, house, and every thing I need. Over the past 2-3 years I have noticed my drinking getting out of control and every morning felt it and said I can quit doing this to my self then feel better a few days later and drink like a fish. Why, well I guess the chemical depenancy made it unbearable and I needed that drink. I urge you to talk to your doctor because I did and it has opened the light to me but I still drink heavy but I work on this every day. I know the fellings of guilt, what did i do now, paranoia, and worthlessness. This site is helpfull and plan to post more about myself in the future and hope this will help me see what I am doing to myself. Well I half to get ready for work and I feel good I only drank 3 beers lastnight and thats good concidering I usally drink 10-20 a night. Oh yea and dont quit cold turkey if you drink heavely because this can be very bad. You need to cut back before you quit unless you seek medical assistance.
On October 22nd, 2009 at 8:48 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hang in there Rob, it sounds like you still need to make the leap to complete abstinence for a few weeks and get a grip on your problem. I think if you could do that, then you could really see a huge change in your life. Can you maybe ask for help, go to treatment, something like that? I think that would help you out immensely….
On October 29th, 2009 at 4:58 pm ,
Halaloo Says:

well this might help
when quitting drinking dont quit all at once
trust me that doesnt work
so pretend you have 3 drinks one night have 2 and half the next night
and less and less
and if you want more think to yourself
should i or no
and listen to you heart
the nights when you dont have a drink reward yourself
bring a girl over
or just have friends over to reward yourself
or even watch a movie
and if you are going to bring your friends over and a girl make sure they say there not gonna drink
tell them and maybe they will understand
if you do want a drink out only a little in the cup and add more water or juice so it seems like alot
and then drink yea you might not like it as much
oh and also dont go out as much and dont buy and alcohol
: )
On November 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Halaloo – Thanks for the suggestions, if those tricks work for people, that is great! By all means, learn to moderate.

Me, I got to a point where I had tried all the tricks, and I could not control my drinking. I had to face the problem head on and take a hard look at abstinence.

That proved to be the right path for me.

But hey, whatever works for you, go with it! This site is about solutions, so if that works for Halaloo, then go with it…..
On November 3rd, 2009 at 2:19 am ,
Zoe Says:

Interesting things being said here. I have had a problem with drinking for a while, but fairly recently (about 9 months ago) I started to increase my drinking due to a stressful situation at my job. Then about 2 weeks ago I stepped back and took a look and said to myself “this is rediculous – I need to stop this” and I did. Great! However 2 days later I suffered the most severe seizures that I was taken by ambulance to the ER and almost died. I think I would have, if it wasn’t at the hospital. I was almost intubated (tube in the throat) but regained my breathing. I turned blue (like in death)!! Now I am stopping, but am doing so by lowering my intake by small amounts each day. My husband is helping me to monitor this – we are both scared silly about the seizures. I’m wondering if anyone has done this, and how it’s worked for them. I’m choosing not to go to a doctor because we cannot afford the medical cost. We’re facing bankruptcy and homelessness as it is. Thanks for your help.
On November 4th, 2009 at 1:08 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Zoe – yes, seizures are a very real threat when coming off of alcohol (as you well know). I have not yet come across someone who has successfully weaned off of booze….I know many who went cold turkey (too dangerous) and many who have gone to a medical detox (too expensive for your situation), but never anyone who has managed to taper down successfully. Of course, most do not really try. I would be interested to hear your results.

I have heard it mentioned in the past somewhere that if you have someone else administer small amounts of booze to you it can be done. But even so it is still very dangerous, and you really should try to get a medical detox. Really that is the safest route to go.

Good luck….
On November 5th, 2009 at 1:29 am ,
Jade Says:

Hi

Ive been struggling with alcohol for the past 3 years. Im 27 and after i had my son i became a stay at home mother in a new state. I met a group of friends who loved drinking, so thats where it all started and my was it fun! But soon i found myself drinking every night .. waiting for 6pm to come around and id have a glass of wine. That then becomes up to 2 bottles worth and i then go to bed and pass out. My husband does also drink each night, but not to the extent i do. I can easilly go nights without drinking, but i always fall off the bandwagon by “treating myself” to some wine becuase ive been so good. I hate the feeling of being drunk, ive been in some bad situations like an accident and driving with my child in the car. I dont wake up and think of drinking, its become such a nightly habit and one that i was out of my life, alcohol has done nothing but hurt friendships, make me feel unwell all day, make me irresponsible for my young child, hurt my relationship and create so many lies to try and hide what i am doing … so many lies and letting so many people down by not keeping to plans becuase i have “a headache”. My mum and my grandfather suffer from excessive drinking so i believe it is genetic. Im planning on buying myself a diary and when 6pm comes around, instead of going to the fridge, im going to write down how im feeling and remind myself how bad drinking has been for me and what a terrible hold it takes on your life. Wish me luck .. and a doctor once said something to me “wanting to give up is stage 1 of your recovery .. your already better acknowledging you have a problem and you want to stop” Now to get the confidence to start stage 2 of my recovery .. and stop drinking before one day i wake up and need a wine, not just waiting til 6pm …
On November 8th, 2009 at 3:31 am ,
rhetth@charter.net Says:

thank you so much. I appreciate you note
On November 10th, 2009 at 8:05 pm ,
Jen Says:

I get so mad at everyone else who can drink “controllably”. I feel like I have been given the crappy hand when it comes to that. I get mad at both of my brother’s who drink just as much as I do and are alcoholics too, but they aren’t being made to quit. There wives just accept it and move on. I know my drinking has gotten worse. I can’t pass by the gas station on my way home without getting some beer and I usually drink the first one on the way so that I have a headstart. I sometimes can drink just 1 or 2 beers, but most often, I drink til they are all gone. That usually means 12. I will get a 22 oz beer with a 12 pack sometimes just so that it doesn’t look like I have started before I get home. In my mind, I am not going to be able to have fun anymore if I quit drinking. And, like most of you have said, it’s not fun now when I am drinking. It’s not what it used to be. I haven’t had any kind of DT’s from not drinking for a day or two, but I do think about it all the time when I am not drinking. Every morning I decide I should quit, then I get close to the gas station. I can’t afford to just check into treatment. I have a son and lots of bills to pay. I don’t want to go to AA because I don’t think it will work for me. I feel like it is a “religious” thing and I am not a spiritual person.
On November 10th, 2009 at 8:30 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Jen – Those are valid concerns. It is harder to turn your life around and commit to treatment when you have a son. It is also harder to do when you are not open to the idea of a spiritual program that can help you, because that is what the substance abuse community is really based on right now. Spiritual programs.

I pitch a different solution on this website, and that is holistic growth. You could also simplify that a bit and just call it personal growth. To me, that is a spiritual quest in itself. You don’t even have to necessarily pray and meditate in the traditional sense of the terms.

For example, when I run (usually 4 times a week), this has a meditative quality to it that is actually superior to “straight” meditation in some ways.

You can get sober without rehab, and without a support system (such as AA) but it is going to be a bit more challenging at first. Really, I think independent recovery is best when done in long term recovery, not in the early days. Just my 2 cents based on what I have experienced.

Anyway good luck, you have to find a way to motivate yourself to take the plunge and get sober somehow…..
On November 11th, 2009 at 3:14 pm ,
Jenni Says:

Very interesting site. I am going through a lot of the same feelings. I drink to feel good and wake up the next day feeling horrible and then do it all again that day. It is a never ending cycle and I can’t seem to get out of it. It has been almost 4 years for me and now I am starting to feel physical effects and am afraid I am killing myself slowly. I have a great family and 3 kids and no one knows I have this problem. Help!
On November 11th, 2009 at 3:20 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Hi Jenni

If no one knows that you have this problem, then maybe you should tell them in order to get some help.

It will be hard to get professional help without letting your friends and family know what you are doing.

Just a suggestion. If you can’t solve the problem on your own, then you are going to need to ask for help. And that means becoming vulnerable. This is a good thing! Try it.

Good luck….
On November 18th, 2009 at 12:46 am ,
MH Says:

I am a problem drinker, age 29, from Indiana. I never used to drink up until my last years at college. It started (as it does most college students) with the bars, parties, etc. During my mid 20s it was the early post college graduate bar scene…Since then it has been a downward spiral to drinking every night. However, I am able to stop drinking when I MUST. I am very well-versed in what alcohol does to the brain (I work in addictions medicine, how ironic). When I have to stop, it’s usually because I am flying the next day (have bad anxiety about flying and alcohol the night before only makes it worse), or I have a huge presentation to give as part of my job…I only drink in the evenings (9pm or later)….Every morning I wake up and swear not to drink that evening, but every night that urge comes back!!! I need some tips to stop that evening urge…Usually if I can get past 9-11pm I am ok and will just go to bed. Any thoughts? I don’t want to go to AA because I am not a fan of it (it’s a long story, but working in addictions I know it’s not for everyone, including me. I attended a few meetings and quickly decided that it was not my cup of tea.) What about SMART Recovery? Does that help? And no, I am not about to go to Passages, Promises, Cirque Lodge, or any other expensive rehab center. I don’t need that. I do not suffer shakes, DTs, etc. in the morning. I just want some alternatives to AA that might help me stop me drinking…Thanks!!!
On November 18th, 2009 at 8:13 am ,
Patrick Says:

@ MH – I would go see a counselor or a therapist. That is your best bet. Things like SMART recovery are going to be somewhat similar to AA in structure and format, only much harder to find.

Most recovery solutions are intensive and extreme, because the problem is intense and extreme. If your problem is not that intense, then I would recommend seeing a counselor or a therapist one on one. That is the ideal solution for you at this time, in my opinion. Good luck!
On November 18th, 2009 at 4:10 pm ,
Ildar Says:

Hello All!

My name is Ildar. I am 35 years old. I am an optimist, happy with my family, have a successful business and enjoy life in all aspects. But I have a serious problem – I am a heavy alcohol drinker. My drinking rate is average 2 liters of vodka per week for last 3 years. I drink only vodka since it is a pure spirit without strong smell, taste and color (which I dislike) and for me has less side effects. I enjoy my sobriety because that time I highly concentrated and can do on my peak performance but I also like alcohol drinking for the feelings of euphoria, relaxation and enhanced imagination power. But I am convinced that alcohol drinking is a bad road without happy end. Alcohol is a poison, neurotoxin and it will damage my brain slowly if I don’t solve this problem now by stopping drinking at all or cutting alcohol consumption to healthy limits. I hope that I am not an alcoholic yet since can easily quit drinking by myself without any withdrawal symptoms. Whole September I was absolutely dry without any drop of alcohol. During October I made five binge drinks (0.5 liters of vodka at night each) without drinking between them. At first week of November I was drinking everyday with rate of 0.5 liters of vodka per day and stopped drinking at Saturday night with plan to stay sober all next week to finish one of my business projects and restart drinking after this. So it was six days without alcohol at all when at Friday evening I have discovered the SpiritualRiver website by random search. All night until dawn I was reading carefully articles written by Patrick and comments to them. Thank you all! It was very knowledgeable for me and opened my eyes. I have understood that I am now in the very dangerous zone very close to the unreturning point and if I don’t change direction right now I will cross the red line and became an alcoholic very soon. It helped me to change my mind. I have made a decision to stop drinking alcohol at all for the six months period at least. I strongly believe that will achieve my goal with the help from God.
Again thank you Patrick very much for this blog and articles. Thank all others for their comments.
It’s Wednesday now and I have just finished my business project and I am not drinking (as I planed earlier), but writing this post.
I know that major challenge during my abstinence will be termination of cravings for alcohol drinking. So I have developed my own method to deal with them. I will describe it here. The method stands on powerful psychotechnology. I am sure this method will work for me and maybe for you if YOU WILL TAKE ACTIONS applying it. Only YOU CAN do it for YOU, can’t YOU? And YOU CAN because YOU BELIEVE. Ask for medical help as soon as possible. Quit drinking safely with this help for detox and stay sober applying the recommended method.
So the method itself.
1. Right now download from the Internet and make orders for hard copies of the books written by Napoleon Hill, Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, Norman Vincent Peale. Hard copies will be needed since you will read them actively with marking sentences and paragraphs in the text. But don’t waste time waiting for hard copies. Put a small notebook and a pen on your table near you and start reading any e-book of the recommended authors right now. It will increase your motivation for success. MOTIVATION is a key factor. You are in the combat where motivation is a weapon. Remember that your subconscious mind strongly motivated to make you drinking alcohol since was programmed to it by all of your previous years of heavy drinking.
2. During this reading you will start discover new interesting and exciting opportunities and will be surprised why you didn’t see them earlier because they always were there just before your eyes. But you didn’t see them because you didn’t look at them. For example, there are a lot of things all around the room in which you are sitting now. But you can see only few of them at any moment of time, those on which you are focusing your eyes. So reading the right books will create the right focused mind vision.
3. Keep on reading and sometimes you will feel flashes of unexpected ideas, thoughts and insights. Don’t lose them! Take your notebook and make notes immediately! If you will not catch the flash at that time you will forget it. This flashes are not ordinary things, they are unique and inspired by God directly for you. Maybe you are skeptical now and don’t believe but you will understand it later when you will begin experience the flashes by yourself. This flashes will help you to set your own goals and develop plans for actions to achieve them. When you have the plan take actions. Don’t procrastinate! Any delay decreases your excitement and enthusiasm. Force yourself to start. This starting impulse creates the momentum which will help you to keep moving. The progress will strengthen your motivation for success.
4. When craving for alcohol attacks you don’t waste time in this unstable situation, allowing your subconscious mind to increase its power for making you drinking. You must terminate the craving immediately getting your mind away from this fixation. As soon as possible start reading the book (always bring it with yourself) especially the chapters most important for you tuning up your conscious mind on successful life full with achievements of your goals where is no place for alcohol drinking at all.
5. Doing so you will be also reprogramming your subconscious mind slowly line by line replacing wrong code containing drinking commands with correct one. Your subconscious mind functions like digital computer executing installed program. But YOU are the programmer and it’s YOU have programmed it for alcohol drinking before and only YOU CAN change this program now. Remember YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE! Create your own strong short imperative sentences for yourself. Example: DON’T TOUCH THE BOTTLE! Print this commands on a card. Reread, repeat and remember them. Stick them into your mind! Stick them into your heart! Energize them by heart! Fuel them! Flash! Flame! Blast! WOW! JUST DO IT! COOD LUCK!
On November 19th, 2009 at 1:07 pm ,
April Says:

I started drinking heavily 5 years ago. I maintain my job and go to work every morning feeling terrible. By 2:00 or so, I am feeling better and the itch that started in the morning to quit drinking…is no longer there. My husband and I drink together, every night, every weekend. We have 2 beautiful children and have overcome very hard times and achieved much success. I am 28 and I feel my body aching from the alcohol. My kidneys feel sore and today, the first time I called in sick in years due to late night drinking. my heart is beating irregular. This Summer, I went on a 3 day drinking binge, (wine is my drink of choice, bottle after bottle or if I know people will be over, box after box ) On the 3rd day I woke up and my heart would beat hard (as it normally does when I am hungover) then really soft, 2 beats here then nothing all to follow with 5 hard beats. My heart was going haywire with irregular beats. My husband and I panicked and so he drove me to the hospital. They did an ekg and the dr told me I had “holiday heart” from drinking so much over the last 3 days. He asked if I had a problem drinking, and I shook my head no, feeling embarrassed and guilt, feeling like a loser. I have found that my life is lost in the bottle. It is such a habit that I will tell my husband not to mention alcohol to me tonight that I am going to try to quit and although we throw out our pinkies and promise to one another that alcohol will not mentioned, instinctively when we are off work…. celebration mode kicks in and I or my husband say we will pick up wine to go with our dinner. I am tired of hangovers, of not exercising, of wasting my weekends hanging out on the couch watching tv because of my massive drinking binge the night prior… I miss my kids, I miss playing with them at the park. I miss showing them I am a fun mommy and that they are more important then my wine. I want to have stories to share with my co-workers about my weekends, instead I am ashamed to tell them the truth, I just got drunk again… So instead every weekend is the same to them…. “Oh I just cleaned house, lots of laundry.” My husband and I are so ready to quit…. I need to be there for my kids again. I need to feel healthy again. I need to feel happy again. I need to feel proud again. This site is such a relief.. I think with all that you have shared , I will now have a better chance in my efforts to quit. I know I am not alone and it feels like I can breathe. Thank you
On November 22nd, 2009 at 2:11 am ,
RL Says:

Dear Patrick,
First and foremost let me thank you for this website and the trouble you take going thru each and every post and offering some very practical and sencible advise.
I would like to keep mine short, i started drinking at the age of 24 and have decided to stop now at 39, it has been three days since i have had any alchohol at all. My support has been my loving wife and our Local church group. I feel fine as of now but i know a time would come when i would get that ” feeling ” again. I have asked the Lord for help and i am sure he want let me down.
Please keep me in your prayers

God bless you all
Love
RL
On November 27th, 2009 at 9:46 pm ,
Mark Says:

I am so glad i found this site I have not read all of them. The beginning was great! I too, drank for many years and stopped cold turkey 31 days ago. I feel great, lost 10 lbs already, and will never look back. I quit 2 times ,one time for 3 years and one for 2 years. But went back again , due to stress and deaths in family, Mom and dad. I relized a month ago when i added up the money i spent and i felt like crap in am, I said to myself i have finnally hit rock bottom. Got behind on bills etc. I said this is it for you demons your out of here forever and i truly mean it this time they wont get the best of me any more. I WAS IN DENIAL as stated in the beginning of this page. So for ever one, i wish you all the best in your new life. mine has changed already
On November 27th, 2009 at 10:12 pm ,
Patrick Says:

God bless, Mark. Sounds like you are ready for real change in your life. Way to go!
On November 28th, 2009 at 9:22 pm ,
Mark Says:

Hi Patrick, Yes, Im ready and have already started. This site makes me feel good. and I feel that I know all of the people that write on it, I guess because we all have the same problem and all are trying so hard to do what you have done. Congrats on you 8th year Patrick of sobreity. Thanks for writing to me
On December 3rd, 2009 at 1:49 pm ,
jessica Says:

i am 40 years old an have been drinking heavily for 3 years. Off and on. I can go for days/weeks without it but once i get it in my head that im gonna do it, im doing it morning noon and night for 3 days straight. I have drank at work and have been caught many times and almost fired. Thank god they love me and the job I do, but I dont have anymore chances with them > If i ever got fired for this, I would be devastated, as I love my job. I am seeing a councellor, but I still get the urge and I cannot talk myself out of it, so as a result, I dont trust myself at all that it wont happen again.
On December 4th, 2009 at 7:13 pm ,
Robby (Fake name) Says:

What used to happen after a full 2 weeks of heavy drinking, now happens after 1 or 2 nights of drinking: my eyelids become dry and the skin starts to flake, I get a rash on my arms and neck, one eye gets smaller than the other, my stomach gets bloated, and I can tell Im bleeding internally (I can taste it and see my nose is red)…. which makes me sneeze all day. My tongue doesnt work as well so Im slurring words even when Im sober. I must have something that can be diagnosed by the Doctor but I dont even want to hear what he’ll say.

ALSO:

I drink and drive alot, even tho I fell asleep drunk and crashed in to the side of a bridge and almost fell off a few years ago. Being a notable musician, Ive created a culture of drinking for my business partners and family and friends. Also for 90% of any social place I go, I “pre-drink” — about half a 750ml bottle. Even at my music shows I promote– rendering me not able to network and run my business. Its not even fun any more…

Am I alone on this one:?
On December 4th, 2009 at 7:16 pm ,
Robby (Fake name) Says:

ps . Ive been getting hammered for 13 years now every weekend which gradually reached almost everyday in the last one year…. and because of these visible signs of ugliness I get hammed 2 – 3 times a week..

Can I ask for some feedback here?
On December 7th, 2009 at 8:01 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi Robby;
I don’t know if this is the same, but I started to get ‘Rosacia’ really bad. Although they say that alcohol does not CAUSE the condition, alcohol certainly contributes to it.

I found out about rosacia dueto the conditions you described, and when i started to get ‘ocular rosacia’ did i truly freak out and quit drinking.

In some ways you are lucky Robby fake-name; you have noticeable negative physical attributes caused by alcohol consumption. Lucky because once you stop, the conditions will lessen, and probably go away after a while.

Some people on here have purely psychological conditions; very difficult to assess any positive attributes from not-drinking.

Good luck mate, you are not alone here.
Many musicians have pulled it together after a career of drink and drugs, haven’t they? AC/DC, the Stones!, and wasn’t Frank Zappa sober as a judge?
On December 7th, 2009 at 8:15 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hang in there April.

There is no denial in you, or your husband.
Nothing better than coming back from the sidelines of life to be with your kids, your family, your work even!
Everything is clear, and decisions seem far easier.

My two cents on quitting drinking:
-be preared for the ‘boredom’.
drinking was a hobby, take it away and it seems like you have nothing to do… but now you have time (and money!) to finally do those things you wanted to do but were drunk. Before you decide to fully quit, think of something to occupy your ‘drinking’ time.

-be honest with your partner
if you don’t tell them you want to stop drinking, then you really don’t want to stop

- break ‘drinking’ habits.
If you drank wine while cooking dinner: eat take-out for a few weeks. If you feel compelled to buy beer at a gas station on the way home, change your route. If you find yourself wanting to drink at social functions, don’t go.

Alcohol is not your friend. It wants to destroy you, your career, your relationships, your family and then take your life. It has thousands of years of experience in doing so and if you need to pull out the big guns to fight it; then do so!

Good luck!
On December 7th, 2009 at 9:22 am ,
Patrick Says:

Thanks so much for your comments, JPVD. Very helpful stuff, love all of your suggestions and thoughts.
On December 7th, 2009 at 8:19 pm ,
Mark Says:

well, it has been 41 days of no drinking and i feel great and have money in my pocket at the end of the week. does not seem long to some people i know but it is a great achievement to me and im going to keep it up forever i hope. I really dont even think about the drink, i keep busy at my job and at home. The holidays are coming with parties etc that i have been invited to and i am going with my wife. this will be the true test, but i dont care, I WILL WATCH EVERYONE GET DRUNK and say i wont wake up with a hangover they will feel like crap not me. . Everyone, good luck to all of you, and all the best, Happy Sober Holidays!!! I have taken the first step , and Patrick has done GREAT!! so can you.!!!
On December 7th, 2009 at 8:38 pm ,
Al Says:

Hi everyone,

I have read a lot of your stories and can relate to everything written. My problem is I can not be a social drinker. When I drink, I drink to get wasted. I have somewhat control and can go days without a drink, but when I do on a weekend I have to get wasted. Is it possible to scale back this “binge” drinking to just social drinking or is my best bet to try and quit drinking alcohol period???
On December 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm ,
Mark Says:

Hi Al,

Even though I don’t know you, nor anyone on this site, I feel that I do know all of you. Do to our same problem. I too can not be a social drinker, I can’t just have 1 or 2 beers , I need to keep drinking till they are gone and hopfully I had enough in the fridge. Regarding your question for me I had to go cold turkey, but i was worried about the dt’s etc. but not one bad thing happened to me. Not sick at all and i drank 7 days a week at least for the last 2 years after parents died. No hard stuff just beer. I finally sat down and added up the cost of the junk and i almost passed out. Between the beer and and lottery over $1500.00 month. S i said to myself I have finally hit rock bottom and the next day I started my journey to be sober and don’t miss it at all. Good luck to you. Keep busy and dont think about the drink
On December 10th, 2009 at 11:23 pm ,
George Says:

I came across your web page not quite by accident but because I want change in my life. I find it hard to give up drinking, And I cant seem to get over it on my own. I have tried every new year but even that doesn’t last. I know Im killing myself but I cant stop. I know my story doesn’t stand out from the rest but it’s me.
On December 13th, 2009 at 7:36 am ,
Smokey Says:

What I find frustrating is all the help and social acceptance of someone trying to stop smoking; but anyone who decides they need the same help and support to quit drinking feels like an outsider or a loser.

I quit smoking and no-one ever questioned it, but when i try to stop drinking people are always telling me ‘come one, one beer won’t kill you.” The reality is that it might.
On December 13th, 2009 at 9:41 am ,
Patrick Says:

@ Smokey – absolutely true. I would agree that addiction in general is stigmatized. And a lot of people who drink will want you to keep drinking in order to justify their own behavior….
On December 15th, 2009 at 1:58 am ,
Steven Says:

My name is Steven and I am an alcoholic. I quit drinking five years ago this December 27. I called and joined AA on that date and went to a meeting once a week for three months. I have not been to a meeting in a couple of years as I do not feel the need to. The year after I quit I actually made a u-turn to go through a RIDE spot check a second time to tell the officers I had quit ! I found it difficult at first as I was drinking a minimum of 12 beers per day. About six months after quitting I had lost weight to the point that I weighed the same as when I was a teenager. I sincerely believe that quitting gave me my life back and energized my outlook on life.
On December 15th, 2009 at 5:09 pm ,
RWARD Says:

Hmmm, let’s see… I am 36 year old female who has been drinking since i was about 13. I can honestly say that in all of those years, the longest i have gone with out a drink was 3 months and in the 3 months i had a drink hear and there. I have had 2 D.U.I and totaled a car in the process.. i have lost relationships as well… I have told my self at least a thousand times that i would quit (probobly because i was hung over or my girl friend was mad at me for somthing i did when i was drunk and didnt remember).. So i would not drink for about a day and a half or untill i was feeling better or i was forgiven because i would always say that i would not drink so much from now on and that always seemed to make things better for the moment untill i did it again.. (same pattern every time)… So i find my self today with a new career, a new woman that i love more than anything is this world and i am an alcoholic.. I heard the same familiar sound in her voice the other day (a conversation i have had many times) but this time it was different… It hurt my heart.. I need to change my life once in for all to keep the mos important thing that means the most to me.. with me.. I am doing this for me.. So as of today.. i have not had one drink in 4 days and this is tha hardest thing i have ever had to do… i am going cold turkey.. I think to my self.. well i usually drink liquore so why dont i just drink beer.. ?? or i know i can drink just one tonight because i have been 4 days!! that is the longest i have gone with out 1 drop in 10 years… So… any suggestions?
On December 15th, 2009 at 8:42 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ RWARD – don’t drink no matter what. If you take a drink you will be off to the races again.

With a history like that, I would strongly suggest inpatient rehab. Just my 2 cents of course, I am sure some would disagree with that. But it worked for me when I was not able to stop on my own and I also see it working for others.

If you choose not to go to rehab, then really, the list of suggestions is like 2 miles long. And frankly it is just too overwhelming. Simplify the process and get professional help. Good luck….
On December 16th, 2009 at 12:29 am ,
jonny Says:

I can go for days or even months without a drink. If iget really angry, or yelled at work I never talk to anybody about it. I have been to rehab and went through it very well, that or aa has really helped me. I am going on 28 have two great kids a very pretty girlfriend. i love them very much. I really want my life back befor the drinking, any comments.
On December 16th, 2009 at 2:29 am ,
bob Says:

Hi. Heres my dilema… I’m a successful 35 yr. old male married with 2 kids and 1 on the way. I’ve been drinking mainly beer socially since I was 18. I had to have a total hip replacement last summer due to necrosis – a bone killing condition due to alchohol. I am fit, but who knew that sucking down beers could cause this!? Now I am realizing that I cannot live without the drink. I am in management and I blame the stress for my drinking. I am realizing that it is affecting my family life as well as my job so I want to quit. Lately, every time I get a day off all I can do is plan my way of sucking down a bunch of beers and thinking of ways to justify to my wife. I’m a jerk to my kids lately and just need some help to get my life back on track. I can’t go to a rehab center because I am needed too much at work and it took me way to long to land the position that I have. Someone confidentially told me that people have smelled the scent on me in the mornings – (from the night before) and I thought that was a serious wake-up-call. Help! What do you suggest?
On December 22nd, 2009 at 11:05 pm ,
Mark Says:

Hi Bob, Im not Patrick ,Im Mark, and o boy your story is almost to the tee with mine, which is a few stories up from here. I too love my beer, and drank every night after work at home only, 7 days a week. I run a big cemetery and crematory and i drank to ease some of the things i go thru everyday.Then of chorse it became a bad habit.I started to think to myself my weight is going up and the bank is going down. behind on bills and wife and childred not happy with me at all. Everytime some one would come over i always had a beer in my hand. and tryed to justify it by my stress job. As Patrick said it was denial. I made my mind up to just quit Cold Turkey . It will be 60 days on Christmas Eve. I have not wanted it or thought about that demon at all. I feel great and lost 10 lbs already. If you ask what do you suggest I would say cold turkey, sounds hard but it can be done if you set your mind to it and stick to it. Life feels GREAT Sober!!. and try to keep yourself busy in the beginning to keep you mind off of beer. It worked for me. Best of luck to you and Merry Christmas
On December 23rd, 2009 at 1:16 am ,
Harry Says:

My experience has been: alcohol has taken away a lot of the really good times I sought while drinking but could never hang onto because of my inability to control myself.

It has been frustrating to be able to acheive many things in my life; loved ones, family, career, artistic pursuits…but in the end, lose most of them because of my bizarre reaction to consuming alcohol, in short, it makes me a a..hole. People scratch their heads and avoid me eventually. As life passes on, I see that the pattern was consistent…now at age 53 I have to wonder if I have the ability to accept life sober. The pain is huge. AA is something I just cannot do here in this town, those whining crybabies make me want to put a shotgun in my cranium and keep pumpin …:) sorry so dramatic..:)

Anyhow, the fact is…drinking doesn’t make me happy. Its an illusion, albeit, a strong and effective one. Spiritual therapy seems to be the only solution.

Peace, ya’ll.
On December 23rd, 2009 at 8:38 am ,
JPVD Says:

hello again;
i hope i’m not overwhelming readers by posting again… I just want to share my experience with quitting, like mark.
I guess maybe because there are alot of people WANTING to quit, I hope they can get some inspiration by my little struggle.

3-4 weeks so far. Life sober is amazing. I’m filling my free time and money by taking flying lessons.

I slipped and had a bottle of wine last week; but amazingly it was a good thing!
-the wine tasted pretty crap
-i didn’t like being ‘drunk’ and unable to think properly
- i woke up with a killer headache
-i got nothing done the next day

A good thing because thank god that experience was all negative; I can only imagine if it was a positive thing. Maybe I’ld be back on the booze again?

OK, take care everyone. I seriously hope Bob and mark all the best to do this difficult thing and reclaim their lives.
On December 23rd, 2009 at 11:30 pm ,
Mark Says:

Hi everyone again,
I love going to this site and reading all the post. As I said a few post up that I wrote It seens like I know everyone in this site i guess because we all have the same problem. But if we write back and forth to each other maybe we can all get through this hard stuggle together, and maybe next Christmas we will saying that we all had a SOBER year. We can do it!!!! The Holidays will be hard for all of us, but, I say to myself, it is only a day of the week with a NAME IN FRONT OF IT. Like people have said earlier, if you are quiting drinking it is best for you to stay away from those parties on holidays that will expose you to alcohol. I know that will be hard but i did it a month ago when there was a big family party and i was not ready to be exposed to the drink as of then, so I stayed home and wife went with daughter. I then went to a Christmas party a week ago and everyone was drinking and I brought my Dunkin Coffee. That was my first test and i passed, It was no problem, woke up the next morning and felt great while other people were hung over. We every body have a Very Merry Christmas and a Safe and SOBER New Years. Best of Luck to all of you.
On December 26th, 2009 at 6:40 pm ,
Dottie Says:

Hello, I do not know if any of you can provide any insight on my problem., but I am going to give it try. Its my husband he admits he is an alohoic. I have not ask him to quit, I have ask that he not drink and drive and not drink and get so drunk he wets himself. I have begged him to get this under control , he is not willing to. So today I told him he needed to move out. Oh he agreed but he is still here. He is 66 yrs old has drank since he was about 14 yrs old. He says he needs help but!!!!I think he is to far gone. I told him if he sought help I would be supportive and stand by him, But really didn’t much of an answer. I am bet and do not know what to do any advise will be helpful at this point.
On December 26th, 2009 at 11:57 pm ,
Nate and Peg Says:

Hello everyone,

We are a couple and drink everyday. We are going to try and stop drinking and we are quite scared. It’s going on 8 years for me and ten for my wife. We have read most of this site and some others but haven’t come across any advice for couples. Drinking is much more fun when you have a partner in crime. We drink because it is fun and because there isn’t really much else to do. It seems everything we do involves a drink. Nobody begs us to stop but we feel it’s about time. The black outs are becoming quite annoying and it’s harder and harder to drink like we used too. We stopped smoking 4 months ago and now we just drink MORE! Help us…please. Thank you
On December 27th, 2009 at 10:18 pm ,
chad dalton Says:

..
On December 29th, 2009 at 2:28 am ,
Gary Says:

Tomorrow is day 1 for me. I’ve been drinking a pint of hard stuff a day for the last two years, usually after work on the way home. I’m tired of feeling crappy and being angry at everyone, especially at work. So, now, here it is, I’ve made the decision and am going for it cold turkey.
On December 29th, 2009 at 12:02 pm ,
Nate and Peg Says:

Congrats Gary! We too are going to go cold turkey not “wild turkey”…before the full moon and all. At 6 pm today it will be one day for us. Has anyone noticed it’s easier to stop when you don’t feel so good?? Today we feel like crap because we hung one on last night with a box of wine and a bunch of beer. Mark! You are the man how does a couple months feel?? Chad must’ve pasted out as soon as he started typing…or it’s his TWO CENTS! hehehe Good luck everyone!
On January 1st, 2010 at 11:08 am ,
Rick Says:

I just turned 41 and have been drinking sinse I was 14. I am married with 3 children. I have tried several times to stop, but I always fail.I am going to try again. Please pray for me and my family.
On January 2nd, 2010 at 12:45 am ,
diontrenoel Says:

god is a great help in time of all of our needs.
On January 2nd, 2010 at 9:12 pm ,
Kerri Says:

Hi, all. I first started to tackle this demon about two months ago. It was one of those subtle moments; I was trying to balance a glass of wine and my 10-yr old son came over to hug me and I couldn’t hug him back because my hand was full – of a wine glass, which lately has been permanently attached to my hand. He didn’t say anything, but gave the wine a dirty look. That night, I stumbled into bed drunk (when had 1-2 glasses become a bottle a night?) and I thought to myself… omg, my son is on his way to being the child of an alcoholic. I’ve been around alcoholism my whole life and even knowing better hasn’t been enough to get me to quit.

I’ve had short periods of abstinence… a few weeks here and there over the last five years or so. I think, “I don’t miss it.” when I quit, and then that cunning Ego convinces me I’m in control and what the hey… I haven’t had a drink in a week or three, I deserve it.

Well, I’m seeing a therapist now, tried AA, but really didn’t enjoy the meeting (and the permanent stench of smoke from the good old days…) and all the horror stories. I’M not one of those people (ha, ha). One or two social occasions and holidays and now I’ve graduated to binge drinking. Well, I’ve been home alone the last couple of nights and, after flushing a couple of bottles of wine down the drain, not missing the wine tonight. We’ll see where the next few weeks take me. I’m going for six weeks right now… that’s Valentine’s Day. (I read a fatty liver can heal itself in six weeks… I’d like to know my liver is getting better.)

Namaste, friends
On January 2nd, 2010 at 10:40 pm ,
Kirsty Says:

Ive been in AA before and lasted almost a year but unfortunately the demon drink got a hold of me and took over. I grew up as a child of alcoholics and have always been terrified that I would become one. At first I thought because I was a social drinker I was ok, however the next day after remembering very little of the night before, drinkers guilt would set in and i’d feel terrible, wondering if i’d offended anyone or acted crazy. Then after a few days i’d feel its ok to have a drink now, it wasnt that bad and friends all tell me I had nothing to be worried about, but I always feel like I have. For the last year I’ve been drinking almost every night, Pinot Grigio my drink of choice, and every morning I wake up thinking thats it no more. As its the start of a new year Im desperately going to try quit, and find something else to fill this void, which I normally use alcohol for, so 2 days no drink so far, yay.

Good Luck everyone, stay strong
On January 3rd, 2010 at 5:19 am ,
Mary Says:

Well , It’s the new year and i am tired of the hangovers and the headaches , I am in a wonderful relationship and love my partner. I am an entertainer and find it difficult not to drink at my gigs. Sometimes my gigs bore me , so i have a drink, people always bye the band a drink, i am always the life of the party, i have tried to say NO to shooters and drinks. All my friends and fans drink excessively and whenever we’re together it’s drink till we fall down. 3 of our friends have been locked up .
Anyway i am now gonna make a promise to myself and others . I am going cold turkey . It’s going to be hard . but i WILL do it .

Any suggestions on how NOT to drink, when my life is in pubs and clubs.
On January 4th, 2010 at 11:22 pm ,
John Says:

just a quick note here. patrick, i’m so thankful for your sight. i started reading it about a month ago when i had stopped drinking. i was moved to write tonight to nate and peg and mary. to nate and peg i just want to say that my wife and i quit together and have found the mutual support very helpful. we are on the the three month plan. the first week was pretty hard, but it didn’t take long for us both to realize how much money we were saving, how we had more energy and time, and how much easier it is to deal with the kids. to mary i wanted to respond by saying that i too have to deal with working in clubs and people drinking all around. so far so good for me. it is quite interesting to see people getting drunk and losing controle and realize that i was one of those. i think i’m playing much better too. i understand the being bored bit….but i think playing sober allows your mind to come up with new ideas and allows for a new approch to the songs. one month and 3 days and my wife and i are loving being sober. by the way, i’m 46, and had been drinking since i was 13. all the best to those reading this, give being sober a try.
On January 10th, 2010 at 9:36 pm ,
dave Says:

i’m trying it again. (to stop drinking, that is) i’m 47 and have been at it for 33 years. any ideas? help
On January 10th, 2010 at 9:43 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Try something different, something you have never done in the past. For example:

* Long term treatment
* Counseling or therapy
* Working with others in recovery, even in early recovery

Just some ideas. The question is “how is it going to be different this time?” If you don’t have an answer for that, you are probably not on the right path yet.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help and let someone else define your path for a while. That worked for me in early recovery quite well.
On January 12th, 2010 at 9:54 am ,
Richard Says:

i started drinking when I was 17 and was still drinking, I’m 34 now, a fifth of bourbon everyday until october of last year. I got tired of my drinking as i started feeling that I don’t know I was as a person anymore. When to the doctor and got admitted in a hospital for five days, did well for about a week after being discharged.But then fell again in the trap, started drinking again and had to go back to doctor the second time.As usual, though did better this time and stayed off the bottle for about a month, then took the fall again. Now this is my third time, and I have vowed not to touch the bottle again as I hate to go through the withdrawal symptoms.Besides, withdrawal symtoms I hate the kind of money I spent on my alcohol and going back to the hospital.My parents have been a great support. I really advise people to find someone who would give the unconditional love and support during the quitting phase. It helps a lot. Richard
On January 12th, 2010 at 9:08 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hello friends, it is so encouraging to read your stories and to realize that there are so many others out there who have struggled with alcohol issues in much the same way that I have. As of January 29 it will be one year since I stopped drinking. I had reached the point where I was drinking beer to nearly the passout point almost every night, exercising very poor judgment about many things, developing quite a stomach, and a super-red complexion, and generally feeling like crap most of the time . So, after a 35-year beer-drinking career, I woke up with a terrible headache and a sick stomach one morning and decided that I was done with it, forever. I wasn’t going to try (as I had done so many times before) to just “cut back”; that always made me all the more preoccupied with the subject– constantly setting and then revising and tweaking and amending the rules, the limits, on how much I would allow myself to drink. I needed and wanted to quit altogether. And I needed to make it simple. I am a lawyer by trade, and I have a tendency to want to “out-think” things. I knew I needed to avoid doing that here. So, in plain English, I just told myself, “I am really in a trap with this stuff. It’s all I think about for most of the day. I am angry that this little monster has this kind of grip on me. I deserve better than this. I deserve to get free from this trap, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I enjoyed life so much up until the time I had my first beer at age twenty. I know that life can be so good without alcohol, because I lived it for all those pre-beer years. I’m going to find that goodness again. I’m done poisoning myself. I’m just done.” There is so much to say, friends. But of all the aspects of this subject, the key, for me, was making it simple, intellectually simple, as in, “This stuff is screwing up my life. I need to be done with it. So, okay, I quit, right now. This problem is over. I am officially a non-drinker from this moment on; non-drinking will simply be part of who I am; okay, that was pretty simple.” That simplicity helped me to just get the whole subject of alcohol OFF THE TABLE, and that was the trick for me. I have many other thoughts to share, but for now I just want to tell you all that I have not touched a drop of alcohol since January 29, 2009, and that I no longer feel any desire to touch it, because I know that, for me, it’s truly a poison; I have no desire to put the stuff in my body– no more than I would have a desire to put, say, Liquid Plumber in my body. I feel no sense of deprivation; I feel only a wonderful freedom from the claws of that frickin’ little monster that had such a grip on me, and I love to remind the little s**t from time to time how much fun I’m having in my victory, and that he can just kiss my a**. The big surprise, though, is that life without alcohol is actually so much fun !! I really didn’t think it could be, but I’m having more fun now than I ever had when I drank, and I no longer have to worry about getting a DUI, AND it’s SO absolutely GREAT to wake up in the morning feeling good !! In fact, it’s wonderful to feel good ALL the time !! To all who may read these words, I believe in you, I have no doubt whatsoever that you can do what I did. If I can, trust me, I know YOU can !! Don’t try to out-think it, okay?!! Don’t make it more complicated than it needs to be !! Just tell the monster that you’re gonna kick his butt, and that you’re gonna enjoy every minute of watching him flopping around, hoppin’ mad that you beat him, that you broke out of the cage he had you in and threw him in there instead. Everyone hang in there, and know that we all are cheering for one another. Thank you for listening, and enjoy the week !! Sincerely, Bill
On January 18th, 2010 at 12:11 am ,
Lauren Says:

I’m 28. I’ve been drinking since i was 14. Always thought of myself as a “social drinker” , less than 48 hours ago I was sitting in jail for the first time in my life. I was found passed out in my car on the side of the road, having no idea how i got there. Needless to say, I got a DUI. I have had thoughts over the last year or so to stop drinking, i can’t believe it took this for me to truely consider it. I can only say, thank goodness nobody was hurt. I’m very scared. I’m a very strong person, and i know this is going to be hard. Most people can avoid being around it as much as possible, for me… i’m a bartender and a bar manager. I have been for 8 years. i’m very scared. scared and i feel very alone.
On January 18th, 2010 at 1:15 pm ,
Frankie Says:

I’m 28 too and I understand what your going through. I got a DWI about a year ago. I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t drink again. Unfortunately, I wasn’t very successful. Recently, I’ve been relapsing. Its such a vicious cycle. Its almost like clockwork. I can go a week or so without a drink but then I somehow get “bored” and go out to get totally wasted. I guess I thought I could handle drinking in “moderation” but obviously I just can’t drink. One drink leads to a dozen more and it just doesn’t stop. I’m sick of this addiction and what it makes me do. I feel so utterly helpless and guilty and want to stop drinking. S0, I’ve decided today is the first day on my new journey. I hope to fight this thing and change my life. I wish you all the best of luck in your struggle.
On January 18th, 2010 at 8:11 pm ,
Carolyn Says:

This message is to Frankie. Coinsidently, today also is the day I’ve decided to stop drinking! The first day of my new journey. I’m afraid but have finally accepted that I must go through the pain to get to the pleasure of a booze free life again. It’s been 15 years of denial for me and I’m tired. Please say a prayer for me! I will pay for all of you. Now off to an AA meeting………….
On January 19th, 2010 at 10:05 am ,
Frankie Says:

Carolyn,
You are in my prayers. It’s day two and I have faith we can beat this thing. It’s not gonna be easy , but one day at a time. Keep strong and fight the temptations. My subconcious seems to plague me with temptations all day, but I’ve realized I can’t listen to the madness. Lots a luck.
On January 19th, 2010 at 11:32 am ,
Lauren Says:

Frankie,
The bordom is my biggest fear. I have my daughter everyother week. When I have her it’s not an issue. I don’t even keep anything in the house. I wont drive with my daughter in the car with even one beer in me. But it’s the weeks when she is at her dad’s that scare me. My boyfriend lives 1200 miles away. I live alone. And like I said before I work at a bar. all my freinds hang out at the bar. Drinking is kinda my pasttime, my hobbie ( even though how pathetic it sounds) Where else do you even go to have fun with your friends where drinking is not the main focus?
On January 19th, 2010 at 11:36 am ,
Patrick Says:

Good discussion here.

In my experience, the “fun” part comes as you do the things you need to do in order to stay sober. In other words, it will take care of itself. If you say “I need to go have fun while being sober today!” it will probably not happen.

I had to start living life and doing positive and healthy things in recovery….such as exercising, eating out with friends or family, and connecting with other people in recovery. The fun just sort of came along for the ride without me actively seeking it out.
On January 19th, 2010 at 12:48 pm ,
Frankie Says:

It does seem like drinking plays a big part of going out with friends. At least it does for me. Like you said its almost like a past time. I feel for you Lauren because you have to work around that scene. Its easier to just stay away from bars and people who drink. But, in your case its not that easy. And in reality, its everywhere. Drinking is everywhere. I’ve been trying to focus on doing more “constructive” things like working-out and reading. All we can do is follow our hearts and make things right in our life. I think the whole boredom aspect of sober life will pass. At least i hope so. We need to rediscover ourselves without alcohol. Keep me posted and keep to together :)
On January 19th, 2010 at 7:58 pm ,
Carolyn Says:

Day two for me and I feel really really anxious, irritable, angry and like life is really really boring. I’m going to an AA meeting soon and hope it changes my outlook. I think I’m having really bad cravings and/or withdrawl symptoms and it’s not pleasant! I hope this feeling does not last for too long. I had a battle with the alcoholic person in my brain about getting some wine at the store after work but I won this battle. No wine! God help me……..I did not realize how addicted to alcohol I am!
On January 20th, 2010 at 12:27 pm ,
Frankie Says:

Hey congrats on no vino! I know the feeling. It gets easier to deal with the cravings as time goes on. Day three and still sober. Not much of an accomplishment i guess, but hey it is for me. Just wanted to write a short something to let you all know I’m still here and going strong. Ok, good luck!
On January 20th, 2010 at 5:22 pm ,
Carolyn Says:

Day three for me too. It actually seems harder today than the first two. Wicked thoughts of cheating. I’m even thinking of a date to have a slip as they call it………..Am I crazy? I hope I have what it takes!

Congrats Frankie on Day 3 of your sobriety! You’re awsome! And so are the rest of you! Another AA meeting tonight.
On January 21st, 2010 at 12:39 pm ,
Jadira Says:

Hey everyone! I want to say CONGRATS to Frankie, Carolyn, Lauren! Should be day 3/4 for you guys! Its a feat, one day at a time. As for me…Been there done that and always fail. But so what, here I go again. I loved what Bill Sheehan said earlier and I am even more motivated now than ever. I am a FANATIC of Intervention (the show on A&E), and when I see the ending and see the recovering addicts talk about how good they feel and how life is and how good it is too wake up and feel good. I always say ” I want that” I wish I can do that”, well now I know that I can and I will.

I will hear every excuse of how “just one” isn’t going to hurt, BullS^%t! It will for me, because it will only lead to another and another….

I QUIT!
On January 21st, 2010 at 1:43 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Jadira, Carolyn, Frankie, Lauren, Richard, Dave and John, Patrick, and everyone, you have no idea how it helps me and inspires me to know that you guys all go through the same thing that I do. And to hear you confide that you sometimes have doubts about your ability to stick with your plan of not drinking, or that you have in fact goofed a little and knocked back a few, well, that only reminds us that we’re all subject to the good old human condition. As to goof-ups, I think we just have to say, “Hey, allright, I messed up, I’m human, it’s behind me, it’s yesterday’s news, and I’m starting from right now,” and just go on forward, no matter how badly we might have messed up. I realize that we’re all different, sure, but I really, really think it’s important to try and take any element of drama out of the equation, and go for the simple approach– I remember how I used to fret and sweat and wring my hands and think oh my gosh, this no-drinking thing is gonna kill me, I’ll never be able to do it, I just know I won’t… and assorted other negative thoughts. Finally I just decided to use an approach so simple that I had always assumed it was unrealistic to think it could actually work– to just make the big plan, to think in terms of one LIFE at a time, to simply say, this chapter of my life is closed, it’s done, the beast is going to die, I’m going to enjoy starving it to death, it no longer has me in its trap, I am free !! Have I made this all too complicated in the past ?? And that’s the funny thing, guys. With each new day you will savor that wonderful freedom, and it will totally snuff out any feeling of deprivation you might have feared, as you begin again to know the joys of living with a clear head, a clear mind, of feeling good all the time. And you begin to think of alcohol as a NON-issue. I always remind myself, “Do I feel deprived because I didn’t get to drink any Chlorox today? Of course not. And for me at least, alcohol is just as much a poison.” Everyone have a wonderful day, and let’s not forget what a gift each one is! -Bill
On January 21st, 2010 at 8:12 pm ,
Carolyn Says:

Thank you Bill. I needed to hear that! I almost lost it this evening. I’m so lost and not feeling like myself and not sure what to do with myself. In fact, I donated blood today (not just to give a gift of life) but because I didn’t know where to go after work!! It killed a good hour or so of my time. LOL!
Off to another AA meeting. Don’t feel like going but I’m going to go any way!
Hang in there everyone and God Bless you all!
On January 21st, 2010 at 9:11 pm ,
Aak Says:

Patrick, Carolyn, Bill, Frankie, Lauren:

I stumbled upon this website as I was searching out ways to help keep me sober. I’m only 24, but for the last 6-7 years I’ve been drinking hard liquor every night to the point of black out and then pass out, barely being able to get up in the morning and get presentable for work. This wasn’t who I was, and this isn’t who I want to be…I want to nip this in the bud before it becomes a life-long habit and a potentially fatal problem (several people in my family have passed away from alcoholism).

I know that my length of time battling this has not been as long as say 20+ years, for example, but my inspiration this time (I’ve tried many times to quit before) feels much more genuine. I just can’t take feeling awful and being totally non-functional every day unless I’m drinking. I want to learn how to have fun again with alcohol. I want to get my body and mind back into shape before the alcohol took over. I want to begin to be able to really LIVE again.

Seeing your posts here is inspirational, and though I hardly ever post online, motivated me to share my thoughts as well as say THANK YOU for posting. Good luck to all…we are bigger, better, and stronger than the bottle.
On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:14 am ,
John Says:

hey everybody, great posts all the way around, so encouraging. i’m almost a full two months sober and had a rough night tonight. normally i would have gone to a secluded bar and would drink away my pain and think that i was doing the right thing….i didn’t know where to go, and then i remembered that i had ordered a book for my wife for christmas and it had come in at barnes and noble. it was nice to go there and get a coffee and just sit and read, i know it sounds boring, but it wasn’t at all, and so much better than sitting in a dark bar listening to bad music and people talk bullshit. i also really wanted to encourage the young folks who are coming to this site. i wish i could have all the hours, days, weeks, months and years that i wasted in alcohol haze back. life is so short. a clear mind and a sober healthy body will reveal itself to you as being far far far from boredom. thanks to you all for writing, you have helped me through another sober day! all the best, john.
On January 22nd, 2010 at 3:40 am ,
Aak Says:

thanks for your post John! i actually just went to my first meeting tonight, and it was really good. i’m looking forward to a life without being loaded all the time. i’ll check back in here tomorrow. all the best!
On January 22nd, 2010 at 1:50 pm ,
Frankie Says:

I gotta say I’m loving this post and everyone here. I was really in a funk today and figured I’d come check out this site again. Wow, its really amazing hearing your stories and your words of hope. Its been 5 days sober and typically weekends are the worst for me. So, the real test has come, but I’m confident I can get through. I wish everyone the best and please know that it feels great to know I’m not alone. Thanks :)
On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:05 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Carolyn, John, Aak, and all who stop by here from time to time, let’s all keep our heads up and our spirits (oops!) high as we head (oops!) into the weekend, knowing that we’re all sharing the same basic experience! For starters, pay particular attention to how GREAT it feels when you wake up tomorrow morning feeling good, with no pounding headache, no sick stomach! Then, decide on one little project or task that you’ll do, it doesn’t have to be anything major, but it may be something you might not otherwise have had the energy for, if you’d gotten blotto tonight and started tomorrow off feeling like total crap. For me, as a guitar player, it will likely be to begin writing a song– something I had sorry little enthusiasm to do this time last year. Or perhaps to take a thirty-minute walk (notice how good you start to feel about five minutes into it). My band has a gig tomorrow night at a local bar, and I will so very much enjoy and savor the amazing feeling of sipping my club soda with a twist of lime, as so many of those around me, as John mentioned, get obnoxious and talk bulls**t. And as I drive home around 1:00 a.m., I will welcome any policeman to pull me over, knowing that I can say, “No sir, I haven’t had a drop, and if you want me to blow into that little balloon, hey, bring it on !” (By the way, that’s a far cry from how things were for me this time last year !!) I NEVER thought I’d say this, but John’s observation about how cool it was to just chill at Barnes & Noble with a cup of coffee– it’s absolutely true !! And it doesn’t take long at all to figure out how much better that is than sitting in that bar, hunched over that drink, letting the beast control us, setting the stage for another lost day tomorrow. Honestly, it’s so great to be free !! Sometimes I’ll just hold my hand out in front of me and say, hey, in order for me to take a drink, I pretty much have to “will” this hand– which is attached to MY body and nobody else’s– to pick that drink up and hoist it to my lips, and by God, I have the right and the ability to choose NOT to let my hand operate in that fashion. I, and only I, am in control, it’s no mystery, it’s actually so simple, and it doesn’t have to be dramatic or involve a bunch of angst. We can just say, “No. That’s not who I am anymore. Screw you, beast.” MAKE it easy. You CAN !!!!!!! Well, everyone have a great weekend and thanks for your thoughts, they help us all!! If by chance the weekend doesn’t go so well and you happen to lapse, you will be welcomed back here next week with open arms, and we’ll all just help you brush yourself off and we’ll move on from there, there’s no need to worry! We are, after all, human beings, constant makers of mistakes, yet blessed with the ability to forgive and encourage. I know I sure as heck need that. Sincerely, Bill
On January 22nd, 2010 at 2:09 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

P.S. Frankie, looks like you entered your comments as I was still babbling along with mine! Didn’t mean to exclude you (or anyone else certainly) in my salutation up there! Best to you for the weekend! You can do it, I know you can, and I’m betting there are a whole bunch of people right here who know you can too !! -Bill
On January 22nd, 2010 at 4:43 pm ,
Aak Says:

Bill, Frankie, John, Richard, Carolyn, Lauren, and everyone else:

I just laughed the hardest I ever have in as long as I can remember. A coworker told me a joke, and instead of feeling annoyance, numbness, or just plain old hungover, and I actually felt the joy of waking up sober and feeling like I have a new lease on life. I went to my first AA meeting last night, and the support of all those I met there has made today significantly easier. I feel that, for the first time in many years, I am ready to take control of my own life rather than being controlled by addiction. And it’s your stories that I’ve read and your presence on these posts that has helped as well!

I’m wishing everyone a great weekend and hoping you all stop by to post soon…
On January 23rd, 2010 at 6:43 pm ,
Carolyn Says:

I’m so sad! I almost made it to 5 complete days of no drinking! There was a work get-together yesterday and the people at AA suggested that I don’t go but I felt obligated to go and had good intentions of just having a soft drink or maybe one glass of wine. Turns out I had 3 glasses of wine and that wasn’t enough and I went to the store on the way home and got a bottle of wine. Fell asleep early and then today had to finish off the wine and just went out a little while ago to buy more booze (vodka) and I’m so ashamed of myself cause I really felt good being sober for almost five days! What is wrong with me??? They are so right…………I can’t just have one drink! I want to go back tomorrow to AA. I was supposed to go tonight but I have been drinking so I can’t and I’m really really depressed. Something strange has been happening to me this week. All these emotions have been pouring out of me and I can’t stop crying………..I’m also very angry……….but mostly I can’t stop crying! I feel like there is no hope for me and never ever pictured my life so pathetic like this.
On January 24th, 2010 at 5:20 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Carolyn, hey there my friend! Everyone here still loves you! So you slipped and fell– okay, that’s nothing more than a little reminder of your humanity; it’s NOT the end of the world, and there is nothing wrong with you !! ANY of us could have slipped too! There is every reason for you to be hopeful! Look forward, dear, look ahead; do you see that perfectly clean slate? Give yourself another chance– and another, and yet another ! You deserve as many as you may need! With the greatest respect for AA and similar approaches, I am concerned that one’s preoccupation with something like alcohol may not so effectively be overcome by utilizing a program or method which, by definition, perpetuates a certain preoccupation with the stuff, requiring that we think about it all the time. I feel it may be worth considering, and simpler, to just pick a day now, the day that you’re going to make a little variation in the person that you are– you’re going to be a non-drinker. Make it merely a part of your personal identity. Don’t think of yourself as a lover of alcohol who is fighting tooth and nail every day to keep from falling– just recognize the simple fact that, for you, alcohol is a life-threatening poison, and that you are making a once-and-for-all decision not to drink this poison any more. It doesn’t have to be complicated; it doesn’t have to be dramatic; try your best to be casual about it– it’s nothing more than a common sense move to change that one facet of who you are– you’re simply now a non-drinker. Try not to let it be harder than it has to be, ’cause it’s really simple when you think about it. Think of yourself as just very matter-of-factly saying, “Oh, by the way, I’m a non-drinker now; no big deal, just a common-sense adjustment… so…. how ’bout those Cubbies?” Hey now Carolyn, you keep your chin up!! Every one of us is with you, cheering you on. You are NOT allowed to beat up on yourself, deal????!!! Now, be happy and have a great week !!! Sincerely, Bill
On January 24th, 2010 at 11:28 pm ,
John Says:

i agree with you bill, nothing against aa in anyway, but for me, that simple decision not to drink anymore worked. drinking is just something i don’t do anymore. it worked to quit smoking too. i don’t want to sound like some super man. i’m human just like carolyn, i slipped and started smoking again, went down that path another 4 years before i quit again. i’m 5 years now without a puff. and a whopping almost 2 months without drinking. that is huge for me! scroll back and read some of bill’s messages and mine and others about how good it feels as time goes by and alcohol slips out of your life….your mind and body just like they are supposed to be….without alcohol. thinking thoughts you know are not fueled by drink. keep that support group around you carolyn, and read patricks words over on this blog, and like he says, ask for help and know that we are out there, all of us going through this. it is worth it for every day you are sober. a new day tomorrow!
On January 26th, 2010 at 2:02 pm ,
Frankie Says:

Glad to say I made it through the weekend. Not too easy either cause at 5:30 saturday morning my drunken buddy was knocking on my door cause the bar had closed and he wanted to continue partying. It was tempting to have a liquid breakfast but i just offered him the couch to crash on and didn’t fall victim to circumstance. Normally that would have started me on a weekend binge. It was cool to relax over the weekend without getting wasted. Kinda just hungout and did some things in the yard to keep busy. Made a delicious spagetti and meatball dinner :). Was nice. I’m kinda nervous about what will happen this week though. My other half will be away working and I used to use it as an excuse to hit the bar scene. Its been a real struggle. Its funny. I noticed that I plan it in my mind “I’ll be free to do what i want.. lets drink hehe”.. I catch myself and I realize that its the same dialogue. Almost like I’m amp-ing myself up. I’ll keep you guys posted. Hope all is well with everyone.
On January 28th, 2010 at 12:34 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Frankie, hang in there! You did great! It was really good of you to take your friend in, but seeing the condition he was in, honestly, weren’t you so glad that you have broken free from that god-awful trap? I hope you’ve been doing okay since then. Hello to all here! Here’s to living life with our heads on straight. Remember, “sober” does NOT mean drab and boring; sober means FREE– free from the poison that used to have such a grip on us, free to enjoy life to the fullest, feeling GOOD all the time!
On January 28th, 2010 at 9:46 am ,
Jimba Says:

Hi All, new guy here. Been trying for 4 months to stop. Went 6 days there without a drink but i had a relapse last night. Feel really sick today and angry with myself. Been in this situation many times before and i just wonder why i keep going round in this circle. Will start again today and see if i can find the strength to get to day 7.
On January 28th, 2010 at 11:29 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hi Jimba, just know that you’re not alone in your struggle, and that all of us here understand exactly what you’re facing. Honestly, I think a lot of it is mental. Over the last several years I tried time after time to quit, each time dwelling moment-by-moment on the idea that I was being “deprived of” something, and that only served to make me all-the-more preoccupied with it, and it was just excruciating— the drama factor again. Last year about this time, I began to realize that I was making it too complicated. I had never felt “deprived” of alcohol for the first 20 years of my life. I only started drinking it, at age 20, out of curiosity and peer pressure, and I didn’t even like it at first. We all know how it gets a grip on you after a while, though. But that realization that alcohol surely wasn’t an essential element of life (as evidenced by those first 20 years where it flat-out wasn’t an issue), combined with the realization that it had slowly turned my life into a rollercoaster of drama and angst and guilt and shame and poor judgment, finally opened the door to my saying, “This is a friggin’ no-brainer; I’m done– permanently, for good, there will be no day-counting because this is forever, for the rest of my life, period, end of crisis, my problem is solved.” There was no drama, no gnashing of teeth, just a feeling of peace, and of triumph over that little alien that had gotten itself inside me all those years ago– knowing that his alien booty was about to be kicked, and that he was going to shrivel up and die as I no longer answered his demand for more drink (well, okay, maybe there’s a little drama there!!). His promises of happiness and good times via alcohol were just empty lies, calculated to strengthen his grip on me, and I was pissed. So, tomorrow it will be exactly one year since I told that little beast to screw off. He is dead. And I can hardly believe how much better my life is, free of his grip, knowing again what it is to REALLY feel good. So, Jimba, keep your head held high, and enjoy kicking the alien’s butt !! You can do it; keep it simple, and be happy!
On January 28th, 2010 at 1:00 pm ,
Jimba Says:

Thanks Bill, just keep stopping and starting hope i kick it as its the hardest thing ive ever tried to do.
On January 31st, 2010 at 10:53 am ,
Jadira Says:

Hello All,
Hope everyone is doing good and meeting their goals! I made the decision to beat the crap out of that little alcohol monster on 1/21/2010. The next day, I went to P.R. for the weekend. To my surprise…..not one slip. Plenty of thoughts (that lil monster creeping up), especially as I strolled through the several bars at the airport…. But I was successful. Today it is the last day of the month, went to a boxing show last night, and this morning, I am proud to say….I remain – clean and sober and I AM LOVING IT!!!! God Bless and Keep trucking. Ignore the urge and move onto something else….it gets easier and easier, day by day….Love 2 All!
On February 1st, 2010 at 9:54 am ,
Mary Says:

Hey ya all

Keep up the good work , it’s difficult but also not so difficult . i’m an entertainer and i decided to break the habit of drinking with the habit of NOT drinking. I have felt wonderful , at times it was hard especially at the gigs, but i rather opted for a alcohol free beer . Just to get the taste , and i never drink beer. but it just helped me to get that thought away, then i was fine for the rest of the night. I reached my target of NOT drinking for 28 days. i had a drink on Saturday the normal Jamesons. I had two sips and wasn’t interested in finishing it , to my surprise !! ! And yesterday i was on the boat all day , where normally i’d be swaying with the boat . i had 1 drink the whole day . I drank appletiser and thats it ! was great .

I think if i just stick to my “creating a habit NOT to drink then i’ll be ok” Lets see!!
You guys might think otherwise but ya lets see .. i’m feeling so good for not drinking so long
On February 3rd, 2010 at 1:06 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Jadira and Mary, it’s wonderful that both of you had good news to report!! Jimba, are you getting along allright?
On February 4th, 2010 at 11:46 pm ,
John Says:

right on mary. that is great that you are finding your way through the “night life”. i just got through one of the most intense gigs i ever have done. i was so glad that i was sober. not relying on whiskey to calm my nerves, knowing that it really just increased my anxiety. also i feel like i got to experience the music and the audience in true reality, i feel like i will have a stronger memory of it all too. that i have given all my heart to the band, the music, the audience…not a drop of it to alcohol. all the best to all!
On February 8th, 2010 at 5:28 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Awesome, John !! Your account of the gig and how you felt about alcohol being a NON-factor is a great example of what eventually happens to us when we make the decision to stop drinking– there will be some occasion, some day, where we are really struck by the realization that WOW, it’s so much better without the alcohol! And then we begin to take pride in the fact that we’re controlling our own lives again, and re-gaining our sense of what it is to really feel good, and to basically feel good all the time! I’m one year alcohol-free now, and I’m also starting to notice that when I drive past any of the numerous God-foresaken hell-holes that I used to spend SO much time in, I now actually feel repulsed by them, and I feel so lucky to have broken free!
On February 14th, 2010 at 1:41 am ,
John Says:

thanks bill. been getting into making these seltzer water cranberry drinks with fresh limes on the rocks. it’s like a cocktail. and tonight my wife and i went to one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate st. valentines day. we had sparckling water in wine glasses. really beautiful to drink water like that. we were amazed at remembering times eating at that same place getting so loaded down with alcohol. tonight the bill was less than half what we usually used to spend there. we had energy and time to go see a movie, when usually we would be too drunk, and getting in some kind of fight….it was a great night, home now knowing that i will sleep like a baby, and not waking up with a head ache….it just keeps getting better. feeling life and all its complexities. raw. no filters. i’m digging it.
On February 18th, 2010 at 3:21 pm ,
Randy Says:

I am definately quitting the bottle. I like all kinds of alcoholic drinks, from whiskey to beer. But its just not worth it. I think what has caused me to develop such a problem by the age of 26 is that I would drink all the time when we would party and not get sad or angry. I was just a happy little drunk. All the while building a tolerance. But now I am a wreck because I feel powerless and I drink toooo much. Mardi Gras just ended and I live in New Orleans, the alcoholics DREAM. If I can control myself in this city then I have some pretty good discipline. Wish me luck. I enjoy reading each and every post. Sounds like you guys are doing well and its making you happy. In two weeks I will write again and hopefully it will be good news.
On February 19th, 2010 at 1:45 pm ,
MEG Says:

well i hate myself. why do i drink? over a month ago i got hammered up and my husband found my bottle and that was it. he wanted out. its hard to live with an alcoholic. i was doing so good (almost month) and i did it again. bought a bottle and he found it last night. he said this is it. he wants a divorce. why did i buy that bottle?????????i have kids and i love my husband and yet buying that bottle was more important? what is wrong with me. he’s right he would be better off without me, i’m a loser
On February 19th, 2010 at 3:41 pm ,
Randy Says:

You gotta get ahold of yourself Meg. Noone ever said it was easy, but you need to try and understand why you told yourself it was ok to go and buy the bottle. There may be denial, or deep-seated issues that you need to confront. If you honestly want help you will ask for it. It took me a while to get enough courage to ask for help. Keep trying, just like it has been said earlier in this forum, you deserve as many chances that you need. Losing your family is what you should think of before you buy a bottle. Good luck and keep pressing on.
On February 19th, 2010 at 3:58 pm ,
MEG Says:

I remember the exact day i became an alcoholic. I wish i had a time machine. My husband has been dealing with this for years. I have benders. Hide vodka, get hammered, go to bed. I never drink outside the house and i don’t drive. I pray he forgives me and im going to quit . Im tired of this life. Calling my dr. And going to try aa. I miss the old me. Healthy, not blotted…..He told me im not pretty anymore.That hurt
On February 23rd, 2010 at 2:13 am ,
Cheri Says:

Hi there

I am 30, I think I am a functional alcoholic and I want to stop. I have gained so much weight and look my worst, I have a little boy that I adore and I dont want him to see me drinking all the time & I am tired of wasting my money on alcohol. Please help.
On February 23rd, 2010 at 3:18 pm ,
MEG Says:

Cheri, im functional as well. Well this is my fifth day without a drink. I think its like quitting smoking. You think about it all the time. Its hard. The thing too is its a shameful subject. Nobody wants to let other people know(you know what i mean) im into school stuff and my kids stuff. I don’t go to bars or anything. Just do it at home. I called my insurance today and im going to see an addiction therapist. I also put a calendar on my fridge to check off each evening of being sober…Just try cheri, i actually thought yesterday how can i go all summer without a beer. 4th of july etc. I have been drinking so long i just can’t grasp not doing it any help folks?
On February 24th, 2010 at 12:30 am ,
Cheri Says:

Hi Meg

Congratulations on 5 days sobriety! That is great. I decided that I will only drink every second day and then later on every third and so forth until I quit – not really working out. It is amazing how many reasons I can find to drink.

I thought of putting $2 in a jar for every day I am sober and then use that money at the end of the month to spoil myself – either a facial or something. Don’t know if is much of an insentive though. The amazing thing is I quit completely when I was pregnant – then I reason if I could stop having a motivator (health of baby) then I can’t be an alcoholic. And also if I don’t get any withdrawal symptons I can’t be an alcoholic. I’m confused.
On February 24th, 2010 at 6:40 am ,
Taylor Says:

Drinking is never good to health and mind. Occasional drinking may not affect the people, but when it becomes a regular practice, it results in addiction. Addiction may cause to risk even the very life of the addict and lead to negative consequences in their life. So it is always better to seek the help of the rehab centers that can cure one’s addiction problem. For related information, visit,
http://www.bestdrugtreatmentcenter.com/alcohol-treatment/
On February 26th, 2010 at 12:56 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hello to all, just passin’ through and wanted to wish everyone a great weekend. As you can tell from some (okay, most) of my posts above, brevity is not my strong point, but as we go into the weekend, if there was just one thought I could express– briefly– to all of my friends here, one thought that might help someone in their effort to break free from the grip of booze, it would be this…
all of us, myself definitely included, have a tendency to make things 1) more dramatic, and 2) more complicated, than they really have to be. I know, truly I know, that we are all different, and that what worked for me may not work for everyone, but after many unsuccessful attempts to either cut back or stop drinking (all characterized by a lot of teeth-gnashing and angst and over-analysis which only served to perpetuate my preoccupation with the stuff), what finally worked for me was almost ridiculously simple, and completely devoid of fanfare. And that was just to wake up one morning and say, “I’m free. I deserve a better life. This isn’t complicated, it isn’t complicated at all. Alcohol has had me trapped for so long. The little monster, the alien, is laughing at me because he thinks he’s buried himself inside me permanently, that I’m helpless to do anything about it, that I am doomed to forever feed his hunger. Well, like hell I’m helpless. Today I begin starving him. We’ll see who’s laughing at the end of the day, and a year from now. I am free. My problem is solved.” Friends, at the heart of it all was just TAKING THE ISSUE OFF THE TABLE. Too simple to be true? Well, I definitely would have thought so too– but it worked. Simply decide to take alcohol off the table as an issue in your life, for good, period. And once you have done that, there is no longer anything to be preoccupied about, no struggle to engage in; we’re not deprived of anything, we’re simply free !! And soon we begin to notice… we’re losing weight in healthy increments; our complexion improves; our lower back (i.e. abused kidney) pain fades away; we can get pulled over by a policeman and not have to worry about being sloppy; our wallets almost explode (it was incredible how much money I was spending on alcohol, not even realizing it; this week I bought myself a new guitar); we don’t feel so much like taking naps all the time; we can go to bed after being out on a weekend night knowing that we’ll wake up in the morning feeling fine, while so many of our friends will have splitting headaches and sick stomachs and lose the day trying to feel halfway decent again. To my great surprise, I have also found that my sense of humor is sharper, my guitar-playing skills are better, and—- the big one— I am having WAY more fun when I go out socially than I did before, just knowing that I’m FREE from the grip of alcohol and every bad thing that it wrought. So… the best thing I can suggest, friends, is… keep it simple, do it quietly. Surprise yourself. Declare your freedom. Love living again. Well, so much for my lame attempt at brevity… hahahahahaha!! Hey, everyone have a GREAT weekend!! Be happy, just to BE !! Sincerely, Bill
On March 1st, 2010 at 6:34 am ,
John Says:

its always great to read your words bill, and i am always encouraged and i think you are so right about keeping it simple. i just want to celebrate with you all my three months sober day today. i was thinking when i quit drinking that i would re-evaluate at the end of three months, well let me say that the last thing in the world i would want to do right now is to have a drink. it is such a relief not having to worry about where the next drink will be, if i have enough money, if i will be pulled over by the cops, etc…all the stuff bill was saying. i’m down in australia at the moment and i was walking on this path in a down pour of rain on the coast, breathing in the rich air, taking in the beauty of the ocean….and i realized that my thoughts are so much clearer, my outlook on life is so much more positive since i’ve quit….my sincere best wishes to meg and cheri and everyone else who comes along on this path of living sober.
On March 1st, 2010 at 12:18 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Thank you, John. I too send sincerest best wishes to Cheri and Meg and Randy, Mary, Jadira and Jimba, and everyone who, as you said, comes along this path of living sober. I sense that John would agree that, often to our great surprise, we soon discover that living sober DOESN’T mean living “deprived.” It means living FREE ! If I might throw a suggestion out there, it would be to avoid counting days (though we all tend to mark time that way), but rather think of it in terms of having broken away from a deadly trap, having re-gained your life and your self-respect, having let the best “you” shine thru, if you will. Not drinking alcohol isn’t something to keep a scorecard on– it’s simply a part of who you ARE now, kind of like being left-handed, and there’s really no need to pre-occupy or dwell on how many days, weeks, months or years I have been a lefty, or wonder if I’ll still be a lefty tomorrow or next month– because I know I will ALWAYS be that way! Left-handedness simply isn’t on the table as an issue in my life. The same goes for not drinking. Let me modify the no-counting suggestion: we can count to “one”, but that’s as far as we need to count— one LIFETIME. Anyone reading this can do it, I am so sure you can. Everyone have a great week !! -Bill
On March 1st, 2010 at 9:04 pm ,
Dave Says:

Great site! I’m giving quitting another try myself. You would think after 4 duis, losing 6 figures gambling , tons of drugs, gaining 40 lbs and all the other nonsense it would be a no brainer. I’m 42, been drinking since grade school and smoking also. Most I ever went was 125 days totally clean then I thought I could come back and try to moderate or “gain control”..Since then I got 2 dui’s, drug charge and more of the same crap in the last 3 years…Thought getting two duis and losing that cash and doing drugs was just bad luck. Bad decision…Just venting here and will be going for day 3 tomorrow. Good luck to all and god bless – Cigs are next!
On March 3rd, 2010 at 6:45 pm ,
Randy Says:

Bill you are da man.
On March 4th, 2010 at 9:57 am ,
Anonymous Says:

Thanks for the read! Dave try reading “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking” by Allen Carr….helped me quit and the title is as it says.
On March 8th, 2010 at 11:05 am ,
barry Says:

i need help. I’m not an alcoholic although i drink 4/5 times a week my problem is when i drink i have to drink loads and when i am drunk i cant stop myself from doing crazy things i.e drugs. i can go without a drink for long periods (sometimes a week or more) its just when i do i can’t control myself. after a binge i will allways tell myself that that was the last time and i’ll never do it again but a week or so later i fall back into the same old routine- get drunk then take drugs, mostly coke but sometimes mephadrone or extacy. im 34 years old and live with my girlfriend and 10 year old daughter both of whom i love very much and they love me. i am scared of losing them both if i continue behaving like this. the problem is all of my freinds go down the pub and my social life revolves around the pub (one of my best mates is the landlord). its just my freinds seem to be able to know when to call it a night. im sorry if my problems seem somewhat trivial compered to others but perhaps just writing this down has helped me in some way.
On March 8th, 2010 at 4:34 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Barry, your problem isn’t trivial at all. There are probably scores of people on here who can relate to what you’ve been dealing with. I’m certainly no expert, but hopefully I can offer a thought or two that might help you. Sometimes I think latching on to just one concept, and really letting it settle into your consciousness, can lead to more improvement than trying to juggle an entire regimen of things all at once. Kind of like in golf, where a guy or gal is having a horrible time hitting a decent drive, and the club “pro”, rather then trying to re-design their entire swing, takes a look at it and suggests just one seemingly minor adjustment, and wham-o, suddenly they’re knocking the ball 220 yards off the tee, right down central! So, if I could suggest just one simple thing for you, in light of what you wrote above, it would be to think of your lady, and that precious little girl, and how they love you and need you, and how you would feel if something happened to one of them some night, perhaps an emergency of some kind, and you were unable to help or save them because you were messed up. Or if, because of the effects of the alcohol or drugs, you got into an accident and were killed, and that’s how you were taken away from them, how sad it would be. I’ll only add that in the one year since I stopped drinking, I have been absolutely blown away by how much fun I’m having, how much I’m enjoying each day, without alcohol, and believe me, I NEVER thought it would be this way. And I can still meet up with my drinkin’ friends and enjoy an evening out, except I just drink iced tea, or soda, or maybe a club soda with a lime, or a virgin bloody mary, and it works out FINE that way, and the best part is waking up the next morning….. feeling GOOD! I know it may be hard to believe, but once you experience it, I honestly think you’ll see. So… in the interest of fairness… you’ve been willing to experiment with alcohol and drugs, okay, well now, how ’bout you mark your calendar and agree to try the non-alcohol/non-drug approach for 30 consecutive days, starting tomorrow, and just see what happens? If after 30 days you’re absolutely friggin’ miserable, allright then, you can come back here and we can talk about it, and if you fall off the wagon, everyone here will still love you because we know how it is. Sounds like a no-risk guarantee to me… whaddya say?
On March 9th, 2010 at 5:20 am ,
barry Says:

Bill,
thanks for your wise words. i totally see where you are comming from regarding my family i guess i’m a really lucky guy to have what i’ve got. i suppose when my pals ask me to come out for a drink i forget whats important in my life and what i need to do is try and focus on what really matters to me lie you said. so here we go the date today is 9 march and i am going to aim to be sober for 30 days! if its not being to nosey can i ask what you focused on when you gave up the drink? and by the way nice one on being clean for a year.
On March 10th, 2010 at 3:21 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Thank you, Barry, and congratulations on your decision to do the 30-day trial !! Focus-wise, I would say, don’t think of it as 30 days of “deprivation”; think of it as 30 days of FREEDOM. I believe you will see a different and more likeable “you” emerge. Of course, it’s been there all along, only now you’ll be free to shine, free to have a positive impact on everyone around you– especially that lady, and that little girl, and when they need you it’s going to feel so good to know that you’re not impaired, and that you can be their go-to guy, the one person who will never let them down. Hey, good luck, man, and please check in with us periodically, ’cause we’re all behind you! -Bill
On March 12th, 2010 at 3:51 pm ,
jim Says:

What to sAY?
I think I’m doomed. I am an alcoholic/addict. Ok. no doubt about it! But i still think that i can smoke weed with no problems. Then every so often i get the great idea that i can handle a few drinks with my buds. So when i smoke, that’s it. I smoke, i eat i go home and go to bed. But when I drink, i drink, and drink and blackout, and smoke crack and hang out with strangers, not the nicest or cleanest people either. Something always happens when i drink, 8 weeks ago i ended up in jail with a domestic assault and a broken ankle. No idea how i broke my ankle. I’ve also jumped out of a moving taxi and the war stories go on. i am 28, i live with my fiance and 6 month old son. i love them both with all my heart. My woman is at her rope’s end and so i am. I’ve done na, ca and aa. AA worked for me at one time and i got clean and sober for 9 months. Now I am scarred to reach out, i just don’t feel comfortable in big groups or sharing in a meeting. I just drank two nights ago, lost 600 bucks because i went looking for the crack and the remorse and guilt are fresh in my mind. My gf’s pissed and i’m at a loss. What do i do before the pain and misery i feel now are forgotten in my mind and i go out and drink again. what do i do? I don’t want to put my fiance and son though this. Or my self. but i know the day will return in the near future where i”ll want to drink. Please help! seriously i feel like my life is just going to get worse. I think i’m almost ready to give up, this feeling of impending doom is getting worse and i think dying would be easier. Living my life just feels so damn hard. What do i do?
On March 12th, 2010 at 3:55 pm ,
jim Says:

p.s
I forgot to mention that even though i feel so bad and am aware that really bad things happen to me nearly everytime i decide to drink, i still think that i like to drink. Isn’t that fu@#ed?
On March 12th, 2010 at 7:21 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hi Jim, I am just on my way to an outside appointment, but wanted to at least let you know that a whole bunch of people here can relate to your story, and your discouragement. I am like you– I’m not real comfortable in large groups or sharing in a meeting, or other structured approaches. At one time, I was totally consumed with the itch, the craving, for alcohol. It was the focal point around which I constructed my daily activities. And it never once did me any good, not once. Interestingly, right at the moment that I concluded it was a curse and a problem way too big and complicated to ever conquer, I decided to follow the advice I found in a book I had been reading— to adopt a new, and simple, mindset, and just say to myself, “I can’t drink and get away with it. So, I quit. Right now. For good. Case closed. My problem is solved.” Well, it worked, and I can still hardly believe it. It was so damn simple. It was like I had been assuming all along that stopping drinking would by definition have to involve large helpings of drama, pain and suffering, and that a person can’t succeed in stopping without going thru a guantlet of all those things. That little alien creature that lives for us to feed his thirst for alcohol definitely wants us to assume that quitting will be a long, painful, excrutiating process. But what a surprise HE got when I had the audacity to do something so incredibly simple– to just say, very casually, very quietly, “I quit. That chapter in my life is over now. Gee, that was easy.” And it’s been over a year since I touched the stuff. I think you can do the same thing. It’s only a problem if you let it be a problem, if you entertain it and keep letting it share the stage in your life. That little alien guy? Just say to him, “Screw you.” Think of your self as kicking his butt, and enjoying every minute of it. You’re so much stronger than he is. -Bill
On March 12th, 2010 at 10:06 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Inspiring words, Bill. You are truly an asset to this website.

But when I look back at my own recovery, I still see a lot of the drama in the early days that you talk about possibly avoiding.

I agree with you that a person can avoid much of the struggle, by simply letting it all go. But I for one could not do that early on. I can remember being frustrated, and still pretty miserable at like 3 months sober. I held on, and things got better fast. But I think it is pretty normal to expect at least some struggle in early recovery.

I know I had some. I could not avoid all drama.

But you are definitely on to something with your ideas, and I think if I had known more, then I could have struggled much less.

At any rate, your ideas about recovery are awesome. Thanks for sharing them so much!
On March 14th, 2010 at 4:14 pm ,
Shane White Says:

Good day all,

Like a great many of you, I have also decided that enough is enough, and as of 3/13/10 I have decided to quit. My main issue is that my entire friend group and their activities revolve around drinking, and in order to successfully quit I may have to distance myself from them. My main issue is that as of next year I will be entering college (I took a gap year) and from what I have heard is that college life essentially revolves around drinking, how do I avoid these temptations? I of course plan to take each day as it comes for the moment and hopefully this is enough, and this problem does not ruin me. This will be my second time trying to quit, my first lasting only 3 weeks.
On March 16th, 2010 at 12:01 pm ,
tom Says:

I know I’m an addict. I’m not in denial or anything. Its been going on too long now. I’ve been drinking excessively for about 5 years now. Its screwing everything up. I call in to work at least 5-6 days a month sometimes after I’m suppose to be there. I’m lucky I haven’t gotten fired yet. I also get so hammered that I black-out, me and my girlfriend will get into a huge fight (nothing physical) and the next day I wont even remember the fight or what we were fighting about. I’m sick and tired of this lifestyle. I need to stop, I want to stop, but I cant. I have tried to get help at the rehab center here in town but that didn’t work for me. I went in and did the evaluation and they told me it would be a month and a half wait until they could “fit me in”, and said don’t drink prior to then …..hmm. If I could go a month and a half without drinking on my own then why would I need to go to rehab? Well they did tell me when there AA meetings were and I went to one (at the same place,during the wait), It just seemed like a lot of the people attending didn’t want to be there or they were only there for court. So what do I do? Where do I go? It seems easy to quit after a bad night because you feel like crap, but after a few days of not drinking and you start feeling good again is when the addiction is at its fullest.
OK I’m going on too long about this but did anybody have the same problem, of course the drinking part but problems with the rehab or the AA part? I need help.
On March 17th, 2010 at 3:45 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Patrick, thank you for your thoughts and perspective. Hopefully, all of us can pull something good and helpful from the wide range of thoughts and experiences shared here. Shane and Tom, good luck to both of you. Please stop by here periodically and let us know how it’s going, no matter what the news; you’re always among friends here. Sometimes when it seems so overwhelming to think about changing a behavior, the radical course of action is to very quietly just start engaging in the behavior you ultimately want to achieve– in our case, being a person who doesn’t consume alcohol. I think it’s actually possible to “trick” the little craving-monster by treating the subject as if it’s no big deal, declaring that it’s all really so simple, a no-brainer, if you will, as in, “Okay, I drink other stuff now, so… whoopee, what’s so complicated about that?” You can do it. Remember, alcohol isn’t going to be a problem unless YOUR arm hoists that glass up to YOUR mouth, and that’s totally within YOUR control– nobody can make you do that. Keep it simple, and be aware of the really good things that will begin to show themselves once you declare that you’re done, for life, and I mean really, seriously done for life. The good happens immediately, because you KNOW you’re never going to drink again– you’re free to be happy right NOW; the issue is GONE, your problem is solved. Take a whack at that mindset, guys. You just might surprise yourself. -Bill
On March 28th, 2010 at 7:28 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi;
I just wanted to ‘check in’ for anyone following these posts from people who say they are going to give up (me being one of them earlier).

I have been on and off the booze for many months now…I was upset by my inability to control my ability to quit. About 6 weeks ago i realised (I actually added up the days) that i had been ‘off’ the drink much much more than i had been ‘on’. I had stopped drinking for 3 weeks, only to have a bender for a few days, then repeat.

It was strangely uplifting; I was aware that i had made a first step in fighting my alcoholism by being ableto go for fairly extended periods without drinking. if i could only now find the strength to get through those ‘bender’ times then icould really become a non-drinker.

I’m finding it easier and easier, and i have suffered through a real alcohol-craving scare (very tough day at work and then fight with the wife; usually means a few drinks) and came out the other side sober and better.

Imust say that I might find it easier than others to give up. I’m 38 with 2 kids under 24 months old. my wife stopped drinking 3 years ago and my social-life revolves around my family now. Every time i drink it turns out to be a negative thing in someway (usually because i’m a lsoer hung-over dad). So I really feel foryou young people who are trying very hard to give-up at a time when alcohol seems to play such a large part of your life.

JPVD.
.
On March 29th, 2010 at 1:12 am ,
John Says:

its been a while since i checked in with this site…..good to read the words both troublesome and encouraging….life can be such a struggle, the fights, the losses, and we somehow think if we could just get away from it all….when really the trials are there to bring us to another place, a better place, a stronger place. our lives are so short, we see that when we see our kids grow and change so quickly.
i finished out a tour with my band and managed not a drink one, and i have to tell you that it wasn’t all that easy being around people drinking and getting drunk on a daily basis. i was always of the frank sinatra philosophy of feeling sorry for those who didn’t drink. now i have to admit to thinking that i feel sorry for the drinkers….and i was just on that other side 4 months ago….these are tough times and i know it would be worse if i was drinking again. we have our house up for sale, and i’m seeing so much of what i worked so hard for slipping away. but i know for sure i’m doing something right by not drinking. where i may be losing in this world i know i’m gaining in another. its not easy, i’ve written here on this blog that it is easy….but its not…..but i know now it is worth it….the not drinking is a daily dose of good that is for sure….and the knowing that i’ve come through to the other side for this day is my deep breath….stay sober, stay humble.
On March 29th, 2010 at 6:23 am ,
Ruth Says:

Hi
I am 25 yrs single mum and also a christian i started drinking 2007 and it started as having fun but now its getting worse. I drink everyday is like i cant sleep without being tipsy. And when i am drunk i do stupid and disgusting things then the next day i feel very embarrased sometimes i dont even remember doing that. i really need help i have gained a lot of weight and i dont feel good about myself whats worse i have serious financial problems and when i have money the first thing i do is to buy booze even now i am at work but i am thinking about it. How do i stop this monster that i have created to leave me alone? i need my life back i need to be sober and leave a happy life. i am also concerned about my health most importantly my family and a child i have as young as he is i feel i am abusing him imotionally please assist me cause this is killing me i want to stop what do i do?
On March 29th, 2010 at 6:52 am ,
Ruth Says:

Hi Cheri

Me and you looks like we are on the same spot i have also gained weight i feel ugly and not sexy and my boy as well he even knows the name of my booze and he is only 2 yrs that hurts me so bad. and money i am dead broke all the time and a little piece of money i get buy booze. and believe me that hurts me so bad. and now i found a new boyfriend i am afraid i am gonna loose him cause sometimes he complains about it. and i dont want to loose him
On April 1st, 2010 at 11:40 am ,
Tav Says:

Hi all. I got up this morning and decided that I needed to stop drinking for good. I have a rather long history with alcohol and the trouble that goes along with it. I have had periods of sobriety a year here a year there, which generally happened after getting in some sort of trouble. I always knew that I would go back though. Those periods of sobriety were a struggle for me because that little part of my brain still wanted to drink. I have been drinking pretty steadily now for the past 8 months. I keep vowing to not drink anymore, but I haven’t really meant it. I keep thinking that I can just have a few, but as soon as I have a buzz going I want more and more.

I have a girlfriend that I love very much who has a daughter who I also love. If I am going to start a family I can’t do so while I am drinking. I have been through a lot of AA classes, but never felt like I belonged there. I knew that people could just say no and be done with it without a program. My father did it and so have many others. Finally giving into the fact that I am an Alcoholic and can not drink gives me hope. I think that losing hope is the worst thing for an alcoholic. Forgiving myself for my failures is like a huge weight being lifted off of my chest.

Once again I am at day one, but this will be my last day one. Thanks to all who have posted and shared their wisdom. Will post again with my progress in a week.
On April 1st, 2010 at 6:25 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Tav, Ruth, John, JPVD and everyone here:
Just want to say hello, and wish you all the best as another weekend approaches. Remember we’re all in the same boat; I have found much strength in that realization. So many times I will notice that little itch developing, and I’ll feel tempted to get into that “poor-me-I-wanna-cop-a-buzz” mindset, and then I’ll think of you guys and girls, out there in your respective corners of the world, trying to make it through the day, just like me, facing down the same beast that I do; and it becomes easier, knowing we all share the same struggle, that I’m not alone, that we all care what happens to each other. Best to all of my friends here. -Bill
On April 5th, 2010 at 12:42 pm ,
Josh Says:

Great website, I’m glad I found it. JPVD = you and I are in a very similar place. I’m 35 with 3 kids (stepson = 10, daughter = 3, son = 2). I love my family with all my heart, they are my daily inspiration. However, on the weekends instead of really spending quality time with them I end up spending quality time with a fridge full of cold ones. Friday night is usually a six pack, Saturday is at least a 12 pack + a few, and Sunday is usually a 12 pack. Come Monday I’m hung over, bloated, depressed and kick myself for squandering yet another weekend that I could have spent in a 1,000 better ways – mainly with my kids. Even though I drink at home so I’m with the kids, I’m not ‘with’ the kids. My memories of their growing up is fuzzy because of the buzz I chase down every weekend. How sad is that. So today I’m declaring that I will not drink a single drop of booze for 2 weeks. That’s going to be my first step. That’s 2 weekends with a clear head, spending quality time with my kids. What can be better than that? Plus I’m running my first 5k in two weeks, so the timing works out well.

I don’t want to be the loser, drunk/hungover Dad anymore. Life is better than that, I’m better than that. Period. I’m not a college frat boy anymore, time to stop acting like one.

I’ll be back to post about my success.

Josh
On April 5th, 2010 at 4:07 pm ,
amar Says:

I am 58 years old i have a good job and a loving wife.I do not drink during the week but come Saturday I start during in the evening I drink so much that sometimes dont remeber what I did that night I sometimes do the same on Sunday.I am going to try to stop altogether wish me luck.
I realize I do have a major problem
On April 6th, 2010 at 7:23 am ,
Jerry Says:

Im a 29 year old students that works the night shift.I have this problem that everytime that i get my days off i get the urge to drink.I start with one or two beers and the time i know it im already drunk been like this for a few years i lost alot , lost the best girl that anyone could ever had,all do to this drinking.Everytime that i drink i wake up the next day scare and confuse.I realy want to stop drinking i can’t do this anymore all my time flyis by when im drunk.So if u have any advise could u please let me know i will appreciate any little help.Thank you.
On April 6th, 2010 at 10:06 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Josh, Amar and Jerry, and all, it’s amazing how each of your stories has one element or another that reminds me exactly of my own. One thing I see that they all have in common is the notion that, “Hey, dammit, this is bull, I am wasting my life with this drinking, missing out on so many great things, limiting myself so much, and I’m done with it now, D-O-N-E with it, and who says I have no power over this?? — well, I DO have power over it! NOBODY can make me take that drink, and besides, why in the hell would I want to, when I can see so clearly that it’s hurting me, and the ones who love me and depend on me, so badly???” Think of the urge to drink as that little alien creature, picture him smirking at you, so sure he’s got you trapped for good—- and then enjoy drop-kicking his butt into the next hemisphere!! You CAN do it !! He CAN’T beat you !! Everyone have a good week !!! -Bill
On April 6th, 2010 at 10:52 am ,
Josh Says:

Hey Bill, thanks for the post. I’m looking forward to posting an update Monday that goes something like “Wow, didn’t have a drink all weekend and let me tell you…I fell freakin’ great! Had a blast playing with the kids this weekend, finished a book, slept like a baby and got a ton of stuff done around the house. What a great life!”. It’ll happen for one reason only…I want it to and have the control.
On April 6th, 2010 at 10:58 am ,
jon Says:

i happened by this site after another morning of realizing that for so long, drinking has defined me as a person. god… i dont even know where to begin this saga. i think its really gotten out of control the past 10 years which, oddly enough, have also been the happiest 10 years of my life. I met my wife and we have 4 wonderful kids together. im not really sure when it got out of control. it went from drinking a little, to drinking a little more, to missing my daughters first birthday beacuse i was drunk. i wish there was some way i could take that back. ive wanted to stop for so long and have known im an addict for what feels like years now. im just afraid that its stronger than me. every time i make the resolve to quit, i find myself drinking again in less than a week. ive looked at AA and attempted to read the big book, which really didnt seem to connect with me. so, now im not sure where i am in life. im 38 this year and just tired. tired of drinking and tired of trying to fight this addiction. i feel like its winning and i just dont know what to do anymore..
On April 6th, 2010 at 11:47 am ,
Josh Says:

Hey Jon, sounds like you and I are in similar situations (although everyone’s situation is different in the end). Keep up the fight brother, I know that I am. Being the best Dad to my kids is simply just worth it…and I can’t be the best if I’m a drunk. That was the old me, that person no longer exists. I know that he will try and come back to life, and there will be times that’ll be tough for me to fight him back, but I will. It’s all about my kids. It’s all about my kids. Hang in there…lets fight together.
On April 6th, 2010 at 4:30 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Sounds great, Josh !! We’ll be looking forward to your update !!
On April 6th, 2010 at 11:00 pm ,
John Says:

hey josh and jon, just wanted to say i’m a dad too, i have a 4 year old and two teen age daughters. since i’ve quit drinking i have so much more energy and time to spend with them. the kids are such sponges, i know for a fact not having alcohol in the house is a positive statement to my daughters. they have witnessed my wife and i drinking at least a bottle of wine at dinner every day for years….i think now that we have stopped, the connection at dinner time is much more focused. keep it simple, and become one of those people who just don’t drink anymore…..you will be shocked as the months roll by how much more time, energy and money you will have….subtle moments with your kids that you would never have had if you were thinking about where your next drink will be and the time for it….i also feel like my mind is working better, the actual brain is functioning and firing in a better way….like bill says, you will always have friends here who will read your thoughts and be with you. read past comments, and patricks words, each day you are not drinking brings you closer to who you really are. all the best to you all and your kids and families.
On April 7th, 2010 at 11:42 am ,
Josh Says:

Thanks for sharing your success story John, that’s really what I need to hear! Guys who were in similar situations as I but have changed their lives for the better. One thing that scares me is, I feel guilty now about time ‘lost’ with my kids who are still young, imagine how I’d feel if I drank away their entire youths? Wow, that guilt would eat me alive. I’m glad I’m putting that lifestyle behind me now and not waiting a could decades to finally figure it out. I can see glimpses of my sober future…and I think I’m going to like it. But, one weekend at a time.
On April 7th, 2010 at 2:06 pm ,
amar Says:

Every weekend I feel that it is not complete if I don’t drink on Saturday or that I cant have a good time at a party or when I am around other people if I don’t drink.I now realize that I am the one who thinks that I am having a good time when I drink and not the people I am with.
On April 8th, 2010 at 7:49 pm ,
amar Says:

I feel that I can not have a good time with out drinking.When someone comes over or I am watching
a sports event with friends I feel the need I need to have a drink.And I wakeup the next morning
hoping I did not due something stupid.
I recently heard a song by Randy Travis and could have been written about me.

You’re hand was wrapped around the bottle

You’re arm wrapped around her waist

You were running that full throttle

Big smile upon your face

You were the life of the party

But it was only in your mind

I hate to be the one to tell you

You didn’t have a good time

.
On April 9th, 2010 at 2:14 pm ,
amar Says:

The weekend is coming up and I hope I can make without drinking.
Every time I get together with friends or at a party I feel the need to to drink,and the morning after I hope I did not mess up.I heard a song by Randy Travis it could been written about me.
Well I bet you don’t remember
Knelling in that bathroom stall
Praying for salvation
And cursing alcohol
And you went right back to drinking
Like everything was fine
But let’s be honest with each other
You didn’t have a good time
On April 11th, 2010 at 4:34 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Amar, it sounds like you are having a rough time of it right now. Try to hang in there, try to take a good deep breath and let yourself just be calm; you know you can do it, and we’re all rooting for you! -Bill
On April 12th, 2010 at 3:09 am ,
Tav Says:

Evening! Well it has been over a week now and I am proud to say I haven’t had a drink. Granted I have had my moments, but all I have to do is remind myself that drinking will never get me what I am looking for. Hopefully the longer I am away from drinking the easier it will be to continue to say no. So many positive things are happening with just 10 or so days away from it. I have had a very productive week and gotten more done this week than I did in a few weeks while drinking. My head is starting to clear up, so I guess I didn’t kill all my brain cells.

Have a happy and healthy sober week!!!
On April 12th, 2010 at 3:12 am ,
Tom Says:

I’m a 24 year old graduate student getting my doctorate in molecular genetics. I’ve got a wonderful girlfriend of 3 years who I plan on marrying – my life is perfect on the surface. During the week, I don’t generally drink. If I do, it’s a few beers at a happy hour and that’s it. Drinking doesn’t interfere with my life, but the weekends roll around and it all goes to crap. I drink myself into oblivion, often downing 20 beers or so, treat my girlfriend like crap, and wake up every Saturday and Sunday feeling guilty and sick to my stomach because of how I treated her. I’ve tried to stop and have for a weekend or two here and there, but drinking has been such a large part of my and my friends’ social lives that it’s extremely difficult. Now I’ve realized that if I don’t stop, I’m going to lose the best thing that’s ever happened to me. This morning was the first time anyone told me “I think you have a drinking problem”, and it came from her. I am devastated. I can’t sleep, and all I can think about is how I hurt her. On top of all that, today is her birthday and I know she’s not happy. I’m embarrassed and don’t know what to do, but I know I need to stop drinking. Any and all help would be appreciated.
On April 12th, 2010 at 12:07 pm ,
Josh Says:

Hey Tom….I am in no position to give advice, that’s for sure. But I will say that my drinking pattern is similar to yours, but I’m a decade older w/ a wife and kids. If you can get in front of this now, you will be so thankful by the time you have a family of your own. I spent this weekend stone sober, not a drop to drink. It was the best weekend, I accomplished a lot and spent some great time w/ my kids. I’m knocking booze way down on my priority list (it used to be #1 on the weekends). The only silver bullet I have found is myself, I keep telling myself that once I set my mind to something…I mean really set it…I’m usually successful at achieving it. Getting your doctorate in molecular genetics means that you have probably cleared a lot of tough hurdles over your 24 years, so I guess life has just presented you a new one (btw…life never runs out of hurdles for us, that’s for sure). Good luck in clearing it!
On April 13th, 2010 at 1:42 am ,
Chelsea Says:

I have such a problem!! My first and only love who I have been with for seven years and has always drank, not a lot at first and progressed over the years, I am just no realizing that he is an alcoholic. I always thought that he had some pretty strange friends. I had come to the point with him that I thought he just didn’t love me anymore. But once I sat back and started hanging out with him and his friends who drink regularly I noticed that he if around alcohol will just like those friend drink it on a daily basis as well. I already went through having a drug addiced step father and now fear that the love of my life is gone now. We live together currently but I just sit here and watch his true self fade away daily. I tried to drink and to do the thing I knew he liked to do, but I can’t do it I have to be resposible because of my two small children. I can’t make him quit and I know it, but I don’t know what to do to have the man I first fell in love wh back. Alcohol has taken him from me and I’m so stressed.
On April 14th, 2010 at 12:27 am ,
Paula Says:

I just don’t know. I can’t imagine my life with no alcohol. How did I get here? How can I get out of here. I thought that I had it under control. I rarely drink during the week. I live for drinking on the weekends. I hear myself in the stories on this site. I thought I was cool. I thought that I was ok. I don’t think I am……
On April 14th, 2010 at 12:09 pm ,
Josh Says:

Paula…you’re apparently my long lost sister. Same drinking pattern here. Last weekend was my first stone sober weekend in a year, and it was awesome. I can feel my confidence and personality actually coming back, which is weird (cause I thought my drinking help w/ confidence and personality). I’m planning on having a sober weekend again this weekend, but one day at a time…and the weekend isn’t here yet.
On April 17th, 2010 at 12:32 am ,
Kim Says:

Hello all – well today is the first Friday in over three years that I am sober. Granted I may be still hungover from last night when I finally hit rock bottom. It was scarey but at 39 i found myself out of a home, unemployed, no money and truly don’t know my children anymore all because of my drinking. Last night I again got drunk did things that will take me awhile to fix but for once realized i needed help. I reached for my phone and instead of drunk texting i texted my best friend and told her I needed help. So today I am in another state with my dear friend and working through how to get my life back. I admitted to myself that I have a drinking problem and have aloud it to take away all the good in my life. I want my life back and will take it one step at a time. So this friday night i spend not in a bar but researching how to stop drinking. I have to admit it actually feels good not to be drunk! I look forward to waking up sober tomorrow morning. Thank you for this site – it truly helped to read others struggles and acheivements.
On April 17th, 2010 at 3:40 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hey Kim, Josh, Paula, Chelsea, Tom, Tav and all,
just a quick note to say hello, and how nice it is to know that, despite the wide variations in our respective backgrounds, ages, and stories, we all share a common struggle. So many dynamics, so many approaches to beating it. I always think to myself, what would I tell someone if they needed just one piece of advice, based on my own experience (35-year beer-guzzling career; tried scores of times, unsuccessfully, to “cut back”; spent most of my days wondering when I’d be able to get my hands on a brew; stopped cold turkey just over a year ago and don’t miss it at all)–and what if I only had a couple of minutes to render that advice, so it had to be really focused? Well, for what it’s worth, I’d probably say this: You know that craving, that itch, that eats away at your consciousness and screams incessantly for a drink? Think of it as a slimy little alien creature. And then, in your imagination, brandish a sword and cut him off at the knees. Then do something radical– at that moment, as you envision the creature withering and dying, declare victory! And I don’t mean declare that you’re “GOING TO” beat it– I mean declare that you HAVE beaten it (past tense !!), that the struggle is OVER, that you are free, RIGHT NOW, from the creature’s grasp, and that you now have your life back and can’t wait to revel in the joys of all those things that have been lost to the booze for so long !! And to top it all off, just to add another measure of thinking-outside-the-box, declare with absolute confidence that it was EASY, that it was the most simple, non-dramatic, decision that a person could ever make, and that you are FREE from the grip of alcohol for good, for the rest of your life. It’s not going to be something that you “do” or “don’t do”; it’s simply going to be a matter of who you ARE– someone who loves life, and feels so much gratitude for all the good things that are there for us every day, and is alert to opportunities to help others, even in the smallest and most quiet of ways, and in our specific context… someone who drinks lots of water, and cranberry juice, and maybe coffee, and tea. This is what worked for me, friends. I’m over a year free now, and I feel great every day, I think more clearly, I sleep way better, I have lost weight without even trying, my complexion is nicer, and I can honestly tell you, when I drive by some of the establishments I used to spend so much time in, I am actually repulsed; I am basically a new man. You can do this too, there’s absolutely no question about it, you can. Just pick your day, say bye-bye to that little beast, and be that new person. You will not regret it. Be willing to declare victory– right now. Be willing to believe that it will be easy. Best to all, Bill
On April 20th, 2010 at 8:27 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi all. I have had a relapse and feel quite silly about it.

As mentioned in the first section of this site is the idea of strategies for ‘massive change’ and not useless ‘relapse prevention techniques’; so true. I failed and sat night went out and got on the booze… no problems. Then sunday bought some beer for a bbq.

Nothing extreme happened, but I let my wife, kids, job and myself down. My wife had to pick up the slack because i had a couple and was useless around the place. My kids didn’t get energetic funny daddy. My job suffered because i didn’t give the quality as usual. And I failed myself for obvious reasons.

What sort of mindset does a man have when he constantly refuses to buy a breadmaker for his wife and a tonka toy for his kids because they are ‘too expensive’- but then readily plops the same amount down for a single weekend of alcohol?

I’m getting there…
On April 20th, 2010 at 10:49 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hey there, JPVD, we admire your courage in coming back on here to admit that you didn’t do as well as you intended. I was going to say that we all forgive you, and encourage you to forgive yourself, but there’s really nothing to forgive, as you are a human being who is imperfect and sometimes messes up, just like the rest of us, and we’re all subject to that, we’re all made that way. For what it’s worth, I would just say, “Allright, that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do, but it’s SO “yesterday”, and it’s gone, and my slate is clean now, and from this moment forward I’m a non-drinker– I’m not going to worry about keeping track of how many days in a row I don’t drink, or nurse an ounce of regret over my recent lapse, because that is now going to be irrelevant, because being the non-drinker that I AM, RIGHT NOW, means that THE REST OF MY LIFE will be enjoyed without drinking, and thus there’s no need to look back, and no need to count days moving forward.” So, JPVD, everything is okay! Enjoy your family, and let them enjoy you !! -Bill
On April 20th, 2010 at 1:29 pm ,
John Says:

good to read you all. i’ve come back to check in because i am extremely challenged right now. getting close to 5 months sober now and it really feels amazing, i’m so thankfull to not be drinking you wouldn’t believe it…..but at the present moment i am stuck in europe and can’t leave because of the volcanic cloud….staying with some dear friends and its so great to be spending time with them, but we are getting ready to have a bbq and i can see about 10 bottles of wine lined up….the stress of not knowing when i can get home to my family, on top of not having my usual routine of work to keep me busy, i feel like i could crack….i don’t want to, believe me i don’t, and it really helped to read your words again bill….and i think i will be fine….just wanted to vent. hopefully we will be able to get to some place and try to get some work done….and better yet a clear sky and a flight home.
On April 20th, 2010 at 4:07 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Wow, hang in there, John !! That is quite a unique fix you’re in !! Try to remember that WHO YOU ARE (i.e. a non-drinker) isn’t going to be affected by the particular circumstances you’re in, and that it’s your several months of non-drinking that will now equip you with the clarity of mind to relax, avoid panicking, and just happily pass on that vino. Good luck to you, and get home safely– and soon, hopefully !! -Bill
On April 22nd, 2010 at 4:33 pm ,
Dave R Says:

I too am an addict. I was raised irish catholic and drinking was a huge part of my family. I always said I would stop when I had kids. Well I have two boys now and I have missed out on spending quality time because I was hungover. I have a caring wife and a great career. People at my job wouldnt believe that I even drank. Its funny because I cant picture my life without beer in it.
After reading these stories I am ready to prove something to myself. I want to be a better father, husband, and just feel better in general. wish me luck. Dave R.
On April 23rd, 2010 at 1:29 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Dave, your thoughts are so appreciated, as you hit on something that rings such a familiar chord for many, if not most, of us here– “I can’t picture my life without beer in it.” That is EXACTLY what I thought too. And that is the one aspect of quitting that has surprised me the most– I never thought I’d be saying this, but holy s**t, after a 35-year Natty Light guzzling career, I am SO glad I got free of the stuff . It didn’t take long, after quitting, to notice that: I feel way better in general, way more energetic; I lost weight without trying to; I sleep a LOT better; I have tons more money in my wallet at any given time; my complexion is better; I feel great all the time; I don’t have to worry about getting pulled over on my way home from an evening out; I think more clearly; I don’t lose days sleeping or just barely functioning because I feel like crap from getting hammered the night before. I think what it took, for me, was to finally just sit myself down and say, “Hey, this stuff doesn’t do anything truly good or positive for you, Bill; it never did; it has only led to bad things; now, you need to show some maturity and just stop; does it really need to be any more complicated than that?” And then the decision became easy. A total no-brainer. I suggest that you look at it as an easy decision too– don’t try to out-think it, and don’t be afraid of what’s to come, because what’s to come is going to be only good stuff, you will soon see. Also, don’t count days; “you not drinking” is going to simply be something that “is”, a simple reality, and it no more needs to be kept track of than any other feature of your personal constitution, such a being left-handed, or having brown hair. I hope these thoughts might help at least a little. -Bill
On April 30th, 2010 at 9:32 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi out there;
I hope everyone who has been brave neough to at least get the courage to write their admittance (even anonomously) is doing well.
John; did you make it home ok?
I’m following Patrick’s advice about strategies for change; and become as Bill keeps saying, just a non-drinker…no biggie.
I remember when i used to smoke and it consumed a great deal ofmy time/money. Quitting was hard, but now (and for the last many years since) I don’t even think about it. This is my goal for alcohol.

I added up the money saved from not drinking in the last few weeks and bought my kid a Radio Flyer wagon. So much better to be able to pull the little tike around fresh and sober in the morning rather than being hung-over and grouchy with nothing for the kid to play with other than an empty beer carton!

onwards and upwards

JPVD.
.
On April 30th, 2010 at 10:47 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Well-said, JPVD !! Hope everyone is doing okay and has a nice weekend ! I am going to pick up a new supply of inexpensive bottled water later today. I’m finding that I get a very positive psychological boost just from the idea of keeping myself well-hydrated, and the water bottle just may serve to calm that fidgety tendency we all sometimes have to keep our hands occupied with something (and though I’ve never been a smoker, I hear that’s kind of a factor with cigarettes too– the fidget factor). After a couple of waters, I also find that the desire to drink ANYTHING just goes away… well… best to all, and remember, whether we succeed or fail in what we’re trying to do today, let’s just not stop trying. Bill
On April 30th, 2010 at 11:54 pm ,
John Says:

hi everybody! yes. thankyou. i made it home just in time to go to my next gig. had my first sober birthday in 30+ years…amazing. i was thinking back to how many wasted birthdays i’ve had….trying to make the room stop spinnning…good job on the wagon jpvd, no pun intended! always great to read you bill. yeah, lots of water and juices….i’m finding out more and more the adventure of being sober. i go through these times when i think it isn’t that much different….then i realize it is truly a whole new world….a brave new world….god bless to all who are reading these comments and trying to stop drinking. hang in there. things will get better and better with each day of clarity. vintage pelligrino! 150 years old! a fine drink. think i’ll have one. cheers!
On May 1st, 2010 at 2:57 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Great news, John !! Glad you got home safely, and hope the gig went well !! Thanks for your thoughts about your birthday too; all of us can’t help but be encouraged and inspired by them! Hoping that everyone here is doing okay. And though we do our very best to stay positive every day and appreciate the good things that being non-drinkers can bring to us, perhaps just a word about “messing up” is in order– I’m luck enough not to have messed up in over a year now, but it’s certainly possible that I could. I just want to remind anyone who may have messed up recently, and perhaps feels really discouraged about it, and maybe isn’t particularly crazy about coming here to talk about it, that being messup-free is NOT a prerequisite for participating here!! If you try to be a non-drinker, and you take a fall, and you try again, and fall again, no matter how many times, you are as welcome here as ever (each of us already knows that this could be us, perhaps this time next year)—– and you will find only support and encouragement here. If you messed up yesterday, then
okay, surprise, surprise, you’re human, and that’s over and done and gone, and you start today, and if you are a non-drinker today, it doesn’t matter how many times you might have fallen, or how recently, because THIS becomes your day to become a non-drinker, for good. Imagine a musician, desirous of mastering a particular (and perhaps difficult) passage or riff… the desire is there, but consider how many times he or she will take a whack at it and goof it up, before finally getting it down perfectly. John can probably relate to that. And once that happens, should the enjoyment or merit of having finally mastered the passage somehow be diminished or diluted just because that ultimate success was preceded by HUNDREDS of failed attempts? No way. So perhaps we can all agree that failing isn’t the end of the world, it’s not cause to despair. And it’s definitely not a reason to stay away from here. If we fail, we don’t get excited; we just say, okay, if I have fallen today, then tomorrow is my day to succeed. Everyone have a great weekend !! And drink a bunch of water !!!! Best, Bill
On May 3rd, 2010 at 8:07 am ,
Libby Says:

Hi all!! Yes, today is my first day of “not drinking” anymore. After a lot of mess ups in my life the past 14 years, I have finally realized that drinking is BAD, VERY BAD. No more denial!! Last night I almost had a severe car accident after that there was serious domestic violence and today I sit with a black eye and half my hair missing with a aching body that could well have been hit by nunerous trains. And worst of all… a messed up relationship and lots of regrets and heartache!! What to do?! Drinking has now finally destroyed my life the way it did with a lot of my family members!!! I guess selfpitty will not help this time, it’s seriously time for something more to be done!!! Guys and girls, I would appreciate any advice and encouragement cause I am not able to join a support group where I am at the moment. Hope to hear from you…
On May 3rd, 2010 at 3:55 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Libby, all of us here could have different perspectives and angles in giving advice to you, there’s so much to say, but we all have one thing in common— we’re concerned about you and we want you to be okay. It does sound like the alcohol factor really helped to “fuel” recent negative events in your life, and if you have come to the realization that it’s time to say “No More”, that’s a huge step toward turning your life around. Most of us here probably don’t have professional training in this subject matter, but still, we can speak from our often similar experiences and throw out ideas that worked for us and just might work for you too. If you can get thru today, without a drink, declare yourself a non-drinker, right now, and realize how horrible alcohol has been for you, then you can say, “Why would I waste another minute of my life craving that crap? Look what it’s done to me. I’m finished with my drinking career. It’s O-V-E-R !! I deserve better. I deserve to be the best I can be. I will no more feel inclined to drink alcohol than I would be inclined to drink paint thinner. I will not carry on a struggle, or have my willpower put to some awful test– no friggin’ way– alcohol has done nothing but bad and ruinous things for me, and I am now free of its clutches, right NOW, I am FREE !! I am a non-drinker!” Once you have done that, notice the good things that begin to happen in your life. Best to you, Libby !! We’re all rooting for you !! Please let us know how things are going!
-Bill
On May 4th, 2010 at 4:05 pm ,
Sandy Says:

Hi my name is Sandy, I have also decided to become a non-drinker, I have been trying to control my drinking for years now, I have lost most of my friends as they say I get aggressive when I drink, I can’t see it ofcourse. Over the years drinking has been the cause of numerous robbings due to me not being aware of my surroundings, a couple of muggings, being followed home and attempted rape, domestic violence even. I still have my family and my job and I know when I have a few sober days in a row that my general paranoia goes away and I start to feel naturally joyful again. Trouble is I always think I can handle just one or two beers and go home, I never do ofcourse just end up going from bar to bar thinking I am having a great time. I have to stop; drink seems to be trying to teach me a lesson, bad things happen when I drink, so how stupid do I have to be to carry on with it.
Wish me luck the first few days are always easy, it’s when I get to a week or so I get weak and think I don’t have a problem anymore and I can handle it.
Thanks for the site, good to get this down in writing.
On May 4th, 2010 at 9:23 pm ,
steve clarke Says:

hope this will help.
On May 5th, 2010 at 11:35 am ,
Dave R Says:

Hey Guys. I wrote in 2 weeks ago about stopping drinking. On a recap I am 40 yrs old, 2 small kids ,and have been a steady beer drinker for 20 yrs. I would have 2 0r 3 on the nights that I worked and 10 – 12 on my nights off. My main reason to stop was the time I lost with my kids because I was hungover.
With the support of my wife its been two weeks now Ive gone without beer. The first 3-4 days were brutal. I couldnt believe how bad I felt. What helped me was lots of hot baths and rest. The following days included an appetite for FOOD and irratible moods.
My goal is to go thirty days and I dont know whats going to happen after that. This isnt easy. Just something like cooking on the grill can make you want to have a cold beer.
This is just a note to say I tons of respect for those have have taken on this uphill battle and made it to the top. Thanks. Dave R.
On May 5th, 2010 at 5:49 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Good for you, Dave !! Keep it up, man !! Believe it or not, there will come a time when you will forget what the stuff even tastes like !! You can do it !!
Sandy, good luck to you too !! If this helps… try NOT to think of it as something that you either will “DO” or won’t “DO” (i.e. you either will have a drink or you won’t have a drink from minute to minute, day to day), but rather as someONE that you ARE (i.e. a non-drinker). I really think the mindset makes a difference. With the first approach, you tend to count the minutes, the hours, the days (and it goes slowly, of course), and there’s a tendency not to feel all that successful if you haven’t notched several months of non-drinking. But you can make that declaration of BEING a non-drinker any time, and it can be as true today, at this very moment, as it will be a year from now– it’s just who you ARE, it’s simple really. And then you can stop counting. There’s nothing to count– except maybe the one lifetime during which you will be a non-drinker, it will just be part of who you are, like being a music lover, a baseball fan– and we don’t mark time on those things, do we? Best to all, Bill
On May 8th, 2010 at 9:19 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi again.
Sandy and Libby, best of luck to you. you seem to be very strong people.

Dave R. Iam in the same boat as you… 38 with 2 kids under 2. I have been trying to give up booze to allow more quality time with the kids and I must say it is certainly worth it!

It is very difficult the first few days/weeks, but the little things add up. For me I never wanted to read stories to my little daughter (or rush through them) because I just wanted to have another drink and ‘relax’. Now I am the one who overloads the bedtime stories. Little things like that. My daughter used to find empty beer bottles and bring them to ‘daddy’. Not anymore.

Beer and bbq is a tough one, but is it just a ‘habit’? I had/have trouble with these times too. Hard day at work? Beer. Big day getting the garden sorted? Beer. Football game? Beer. Sunday afternoon? Beer.
I had developed some ‘sophisticated’ drinking habits.
Campari and soda after 5. White wine while cooking; red while eating. Imported beer while barbecueing. Bottles of local beer with pizza, ice-cold Japanese beer in tall glasses from the freezer with sushi: BLAH BLAH. It was all just to get me drunk in the end.

I’m writing this to just let anyone know who has develped these sorts of ‘social-boozing’ habits that I have been able to make changes in all the aforementioned cases (and more). I still crave alcohol now and then, but I certainly feel a lot more positive than I did when I truly admitted my problem and started this caper.
anyways, good luck all. good to hear feedback and updates.

JPVD.
.
On May 10th, 2010 at 10:43 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

JPVD, your note really hit home !! I too did everything I could to create what I thought were “legit” occasions to drink (“the mail came early…? beer !!”) I honestly realize that quitting is hard, it truly is, and that many of my notes here may not acknowledge that fact. I remember the first couple of family gatherings or other social outings I attended after deciding to quit– how I dreaded the very concept of not popping the tops on several brewski’s for the entire duration of an event. But I think that may be why I eventually changed my approach so radically, and just hit it from the complete opposite direction– just taking the attitude that “I simply don’t want that crap any more, I DON’T WANT IT, and thus there will be no more struggle, this is MY body, and I’M in charge of it, and I’m sick and tired of being such a wimp and feeling sorry for myself, and fretting all the time about not being able to have my booze, and I am finished with that bull***t once and for all !!” Taking a situation that is traditionally seen as difficult/complex/dramatic/impossible, and just saying “hey, what’s so mysterious about this, I ABSOLUTELY have the power to take this problem off the table, it can only be a problem if I let it, and I hereby declare that it’s solved, right now, it’s done, and it will no longer occupy any of my time or attention, it’s so basic, so simple”— well, it takes some guts to say that, because if it doesn’t work out, you will probably feel a little embarrassed, but so what?? You just draw the line, start again from that brand new moment, make that declaration even more brashly, more confidently! Get mad at the little alien that thinks you’ll never escape his clutches, kick his butt so hard that he won’t know what hit him, but GET MAD!! Find the satisfaction in dominating HIM, instead of the reverse always having to be the norm !!
Everyone have a good week !! Be happy, even if you fall, be happy !! -Bill
On May 12th, 2010 at 10:32 am ,
André vh Says:

Hi all… What a revelation! I’ve been reading your comments and hav seen the support u give each other too… And it’s amazing! Here I’m sitting at home with IBS, ok ok I know thee hee hee and feeling lank sorry for myself! Don’t get me wrong, I ‘m not depressed, just in need of some good tlc. That said I must say I, after reading your comments I’ve come to realise: I do have a problem with drinking! I might be able to justify It,s but still have a problem! Can u help pls?
On May 13th, 2010 at 6:07 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Andre, just as a starting point, and realizing that I have no greater expertise in this area than anyone else, except that which was born of my own experience, I would say… make a declaration– “This stuff is for the birds! I only have a limited time on this earth, and look how this drinking is holding me back, robbing me every day of my ability to realize my potential, and turning me into someone who equates happiness and contentment with having a buzz on. This sucks. I’m done with it. I didn’t “need” alcohol for the first (-#-) years of my life; I was happy then, before I got introduced to the stuff, and by God, I can be happy NOW, without it. I’m done. End of story. Problem solved. Issue off the table.” Just give that a try, Andre, and do it with some ATTITUDE– be proud of yourself for having the guts to make that declaration; and savor the realization of how GREAT you’re going to feel, every day, and be amazed at how charming and fun and at ease you will be at social functions– I never thought that would happen, but it did !! Best to you and to all here !! -Bill
On May 15th, 2010 at 6:55 am ,
Mike Says:

I am an alcoholic. I have been attemping to hide my addiction from my family and friends. Yesterday, I drank to much and was found passed out on the sidewalk by my uncle who came over to visit. Needless to say, I was embarrassed and ashamed. Today, I am taking the steps to quit. I drink way to much on my days off of work. It needs to stop now.

This is a good site. Thank you.
On May 18th, 2010 at 12:24 am ,
John Says:

its so great to read some new people on the site. i know for me, i googled “how to stop drinking” and found this site….so if your here, and reading this, than you know you want to quit drinking. reading patrick’s words really helped me out, i had already decided to quit, but reading his words made it make more sense to me. so much of what bill says here too is so great. keeping it simple and knowing within yourself that you are simply a person who doesn’t drink anymore. staying hydrated on delicious water and juices and slowly feeling your heart, head, mind and soul heal. clarity. better sleep, more energy, more money and most of all free from thinking about your next drink. as you read these words and others that have written in, your heart will change, you will sense that there are so many of us out there that have abused alcohol, drank way too much, and have turned away only to know a better life, a greater life…..a real LIFE. all the best to all of you as start your journey.
On May 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Thank you, John, your thoughts and perspective are so appreciated. And Mike, hang in there, my man !! I think all of us find it helpful to read what others have to say about something which is so significant an issue in all of our lives. I know it really helps me to drop by here from time to time, see what others have written, and perhaps leave an ever-so-brief observation or two……………………………. what? :o) And in expressing your thoughts, even though you may not realize it, you are very likely helping any number of folks who come here, in ways that you will never know. It may be people who occasionally post their thoughts, but it also may include people who just read the posts and choose to leave it at that. Either way, any words written with a sincere heart are sure to register with someone, sure to help that someone embark on a new and wonderful life of being a non-drinker, or to stay the course when doubts may have arisen, or to pick himself or herself up after a goof-up, realize that we’re all just human beings, with plently of imperfections, and to just shake it off and start fresh, no matter how many times we may fall– and I can see that there’s always a “no-beating-up-on-yourself” rule in effect here too !!! If you’re just deciding to begin that new life as a non-drinker, I would offer one observation, direct from my own experience, for what it’s worth: I always figured that “sober” would mean “boring.” That definitely has NOT been the case. If anything, it has meant “free”– free from the unceasing, gnawing preoccupation with drinking; free from the constant building and managing each day around the logistics of when I would be able to drink; free from the morning headaches and nausea and days wasted trying to feel halfway human again, only to start the cycle over; freedom to enjoy the physical and intellectual healing that my body and my mind soon underwent; freedom to be a better man than I had been for so many years. I know that the thought of never, ever having an alcoholic beverage again is pretty scary to us when we’ve been at it for so many years, but if you just TRUST that declaring yourself free from it is going to open the door to a new appreciation of life– a new you basically– you will be amazed at how quickly the positive changes come! Remember, there are lots of things that you don’t drink, simply because they’re poisonous to you——– charcoal lighter fluid, toilet water, Chlorox, you get the picture, it’s no mystery really. So just add alcohol to that list. Do it non-hysterically, matter-of-factly. No drama. No angst. You have the power. Look at it as a total no-brainer. You can do it. And then, enjoy your new life, your new-found freedom !! Best to all, Bill
On May 19th, 2010 at 2:32 pm ,
Suki Says:

I have struggled for years with my drink problem. I am what is termed a functioning alcoholic. I am to everyone on the outside a success. Good career, wonderful husband, nice home, lovely daughter. I have also enjoyed excellent health all my life – in fact I cannot even remember the last time I had a cold – it must be 10 years ago or more. I eat very healthily, exercise regularly and intensively. BUT – I drink a bottle of wine every night to chill out. I am deep inside very sad, I had an unhappy childhood and have issues with my mother. She is ungrateful and critical and will never admit being in the wrong. In fact I have never heard the word sorry come out of her mouth. I have tried for years to please her to no avail. I have drank for over 30 years except when pregnant and breastfeeding. I have never slept in a gutter, had blackouts neither do I suffer with hangovers these days. However I know that I am slowly killing myself. I have had raised liver enzymes, have a dull ache in the liver area a good bit of the time. I have to cut down. I try and am good for say 3 days and then think – sod it – its Friday I have been good I will have a drink. If I could just have a bottle on a Friday and Saturday I would be happy with that. I really really want to conquer this but have tried hundreds of times and failed.

I love Bill’s posts – they are so inspiring. I wish I could have that attitude.
On May 20th, 2010 at 4:03 am ,
sunflower Says:

Suki I understand your frustrations . It seems our lives are almost a mirror except that my drinking is much worse than yours. You could also call me a functioning alcoholic. People view me as an ambitious successful business woman, independant, well travelled, great mum, great provider and an all round good friend to have. I see myself very differently.I see myself as a weak person, as someone who is merely functioning rather than living every moment. I see my terrible addiction to alcohol dictating how my evening and weekends are planned.It consumes me. I drink a bottle of wine a day, increasing my units at the weekends. I also only stopped drinking when I was pregnant and also breastfeeding. I have backout ed at least four times this year. ..losing my phone, my bag, burning my hands while cooking, putting my son to bed without dinner…sleeping all day because I am too drunk, falling asleep at people’s barbeques.It’s shameful.My terrible adddiction has to stop.
Its been three days that I have stopped drinking. Please, please wish me luck.
On May 20th, 2010 at 5:18 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Suki and Sunflower, I wish I knew some kind of magical words or sure-fire method that would lift you up and get you through the challenges you’re facing. All of us here would do that for you in a heartbeat if we could. I think you have to reach a point at which you say to yourself, “This sucks. I’m done.” And I sense that both of you are at that point, which is good! Now, we all have a tendency to want to “out-think” these kinds of things (hoping that if we adopt the right method, or get with the right program, the answers will come), and it’s possible that we actually make things worse by doing that– in the sense that we thereby tend to perpetuate our pre-occupation (with alcohol, in this case) and also our moment-to-moment awareness (excrutiating, for sure) of not having our hands around a drink, and then we’re just likely to feel pretty miserable most of the time. It might be worth a try to pull off a “surprise attack” on our drinking problem—— but you have to be willing to try to abandon the conventional thinking on the subject, especially the part of it that says that alcohol has you so tightly in its clutches that it’s going to be next-to-impossible to break away, and that life will be miserable without drinking, and that you’ll never be able to have fun without being half-lit, and that every single day will be a battle to the death betwween you and the bottle, and that the problem of alcohol abuse/addiction is so incredibly complex that you can’t even hope to get your mind around it. Well, the surprise attack comes in the form of you copping an attitude and walking away from every conventional principle you’ve assumed previously to be true, and, oh-so-simply, just picture a table, perhaps a kitchen table, covered and cluttered with the questions and the heartache and the headaches and the regrets and all the other crap that alcohol has rained down on you for so long, and take both of your arms and make a big strong wide vigorous sweeping motion and just clear all of that debris off of there, and see it fly onto the floor, and now, declare that the issue is OFF THE TABLE, it’s no longer going to be a factor in your life, it’s not going to have its slimy little claws around your neck– you have defeated it———– not “you’re going to try to defeat it”——— you HAVE defeated it !!! It’s a done deal !! Right NOW, the problem is OVER !! Will life be perfect from here on? No. But life is going to be so much better, in so many ways, and I can’t wait for you to experience that !! You will soon lose your memory of alcohol, what it smells like, what it tastes like. Go ahead, clear that table right now, get the issue OFF THE TABLE. Be proud of yourself for doing it, too. Don’t be afraid! Be cocky about it, be confident! Kick some butt !! Don’t fear slipping up— you WON’T. And if you do……. :o)………….. screw it, just start over again, ’cause nobody here is gonna dog you out, we’re all in the same boat and we’re all subject to imperfection. Be happy! Your life is about to change and blossom! Hey, everyone have a good evening and weekend, and remember……… no drama, keep it simple, you CAN DO IT !! Best, Bill
On May 21st, 2010 at 7:24 am ,
Eric B Says:

I don’t know what scarier: the thought of continued drinking or trying to quit and failing one more time. I first went to an AA meeting almost 20 years ago. I spent a year trying but never cobbled together more than 90 days. Now, I have spent the last 3 years trying to put together 30 days and failed every time. I love the first week or so of sobriety, but then the damage I have caused myself become more apparent and the healing process becomes more uncomfortable to deal with. You’d think that would motivate me to stay quit, but instead I inevitably decide to drink again. The problem is my drinking has never spiraled out of control and has actually decreased over the years – but still far above what is healthy. I’ll keep trying, but I have my doubts as to success. Thanks for the inspirational site.
On May 21st, 2010 at 1:28 pm ,
Camus Says:

I relate very much to Suki & Sunflower. I’ve had a drinking problem ever since I remember, but seem to keep it somewhat controlled for awhile, especially since having children. It was easy for me to stop while pregnant, but didn’t do so well breastfeeding. I can stop for awhile, but always start back up. I have a wonderful husband, children, career etc. Everything is wonderful in my life, except the guilt of drinking. I can go for a week and not drink, but always drink too much. I can drink a bottle of wine & not feel very buzzed, so often follow it up with beer or my husbands liquor. I used to drink everyday & a lot more. I think because I don’t drink as often I sometimes fake myself out that I have it somewhat controlled, but I don’t. I also have a dull ache over my liver area when I drink and sometimes several days after. I have severe hangovers that make me non functional the next day. I’m 40 years old with young children, and want to be as healthy as possible for them and for my own well being. I am so ready to be done with alcohol. It really is a poison to me.
On May 23rd, 2010 at 7:06 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hey guys, here’s another thought– kind of a practical one, I guess, that might help someone…
(actually it’s two separate ideas…)
1) Let’s say you have reason NOT to want to talk to someone on your cellphone. What’s the best way to make sure you don’t talk to them? Well, you could screen each incoming call, and when you see that it’s the person you’re trying to avoid, you can decide to ignore it (or perhaps you might for some reason decide to go ahead and answer the call anyway…) Now, on the other hand, you could simply turn the phone OFF—- a more radical, all-encompassing act—- and from that moment you definitely won’t be talking to the “to-be-avoided” person. Okay… now that’s a bit of a far-fetched illustration, I will admit, but try to parallel that to alcohol——- you can live moment-to-moment, day-to-day, in doubt and apprehension, wondering if you’ll succumb to the call of that little alien screaming for a drink………. OR………….. you can TURN OFF THE PHONE, CLEAR THE TABLE, RIGHT NOW, GET IT OFF THE TABLE !! Whether you’ve quit drinking for twenty seconds, or twenty years, you can still, with equal validity, declare, “I HAVE QUIT DRINKING! I AM A NON-DRINKER! I’M FREE!!!!” And now……… idea… number…
2) Once you have made that declaration, start telling your family and friends about it, immediately !! Let’s face it, guys, the more people who are aware of it, the more likely you’re going to be to think twice before goofin’ up. A little guilt can be a good thing!
So, that’s my two-cents-worth for today. Hoping everyone has had a good weekend! Oh, by the way, I went out with friends last night and had 3 club sodas, on ice, with Rose’s Lime Juice— extremely refreshing, different from yer average daily beverage, and kept my breath fresh and my head clear! This morning, I felt fantastic !! I felt sorry (NOT !!!!) for all the people I saw getting sloppy and setting themselves up for morning misery. That was me once. I can’t tell you how much better everything is now. I couldn’t imagine that it would be so, but it is !! Best to all, Bill
On May 25th, 2010 at 12:43 am ,
Steve Says:

Hello everyone, I find this website very helpful since I have decided to quit drinking after an embarrasing weekend of drunkeness. I had about 5 months of sobriety and decided to start drinking a “little.” Of course that did not work and her I am. I feel optimistic and think I can tackle this head on. I just need to follow advice like this web site has and find ways to stay busy on the weekends with something that is truly enjoyable for me. It is time to reivent myself! Thanks all.
On May 25th, 2010 at 10:34 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Good luck to you, Steve !! I think all of us can relate to your temporary success, followed by a discouraging fall after deciding to start drinking “just a little.” I did that many times. I’d decide to set rules and limits, thinking surely that was reasonable and should do the trick: “Okay, I can have two beers a day, and that’s it. Well, wait, unless it’s a weekend and I’m going to a wedding reception or something like that, and then I can have four beers. But what if we go out someplace afterwards? Okay, two more, but then I won’t be allowed to have any beer for two days after that…” I think you get the picture. The attempt to cut back, or set rules, only served to make me all the more preoccupied with the subject of beer, and sharpened my craving for it. It was only when I stood up and said, “THIS SUCKS. I’M DONE”, that things finally turned around. I really, really think you have to make that decision to be DONE with it, and don’t be afraid of the word “forever.” Then, there’s no more fiddling around with rules, logistics, etc. You’re just done. You’re free! And don’t be afraid to get tough with yourself, you can take it! I have said to myself, many times (and quite recently too), when I’d be feeling that little itch and be tempted to dwell on the thought of “just one”… something like, “Hey, what’s the matter, is poor little Billy pouting cuz he can’t have his bottle? C’mon, you friggin’ whiney little wuss, grow up a little and deal with it– this stuff is bad news for you, it NEVER did anything truly worthwhile for you, and it has caused nothing but trouble and heartache in your life and the lives of those who love you. Is it really that complicated??? You didn’t need beer when you were a little kid, and you sure as hell don’t need it now either. So get yourself a bottled water or some iced tea with lemon, be proud of yourself for sticking to your decision, and let’s go, let’s move forward and leave that ‘poor me’ crap in the dust !!” Don’t be afraid to talk to yourself, and don’t be afraid to be a real bas******d (or a real b*****tch, as the case may be) to yourself, to dish out a healthy dose of tough-love !!!!
Best to all, Bill
On May 26th, 2010 at 1:33 pm ,
M. Says:

Hey everyone,

Well, I’ve reached a new low in that I’ve alienated some new neighbors with an instance of unbridled terrible behavior, of which I have no memory of. Aside from the fact that I am absolutely horrified and appalled (and told them so while apologizing fervently), I’ve most assuredly killed a potential job offer and friendship in the process.

While they claimed to have forgiven me, I know that would be pretty difficult to impossible given the extremity of my aggressive behavior. Apparently, as if a switch were thrown, I transformed from a jovial drinking partner into a raving, flippin’ monster, and I said some horrific things to some very nice people, while threatening one of them with bodily harm before I left. We were all drunk, but I’m the one that turned into Mr. Hyde. Fortunately, there was no physical violence.

I like these people, and truly do not believe what I purportedly said. I also abhor violence, except when necessary in self defense. I strive in my life immensely to be a good guy that emanates lightness, care, respect, appreciation, honesty, and any number of other positive attributes.

I do not know the person that did this, but somehow he came through me with a vengeance and wrath unparalleled (to my knowledge) in my life.
I do not even remember being there, let alone my almost demonic behavior.

While I understand to a degree that we might do foolish things when we drink, I cannot fathom where these actions came from. I do not believe these feelings actually reside in me, but rather, entered me because I “took out” my sentry of common sense—the frontal lobe—with an extreme amount of hard liquor. I don’t believe beer (my usual mainstay) would have (or ever has) caused such extreme behavior (although I have acted pretty stupid on occasion).

We talked a couple of days later, with them asking me if I remembered my aggressive behavior that drunken night. I explained to them I did not, and apologized profusely and humbly begged their forgiveness, which they claimed to give based on my authentic level of remorse. They said they would call me about the job offer they had extended, but they have not, and I don’t blame them. I am embarrassed, depressed, appalled, and so very disappointed in myself. I’m sure our potentially great friendship and working relationship has been permanently torn asunder.

I feel so alone, and I don’t know if this can be fixed, even if I succeed in fixing me. Thanks for listening; sorry this is so long.

m
On May 27th, 2010 at 4:08 am ,
how to quit drinking Says:

Determining the fact that you have a problem is half the battle…. but its also important to make sure that you have good support with you when you decide to give up! Thanks for the information on the page! ;)
On May 27th, 2010 at 9:15 pm ,
jenny Says:

HI ALL …..

BEEN READING YOUR COMMENTS , VERY INSPIRING , YOU LOT ARE MUCH MORE FURTHER AHEAD THAN MYSELF , I,VE BEEN A DRINKER IN MY 20,S AND 30,S BUT
HAVE DRUNK MUCH MUCH MORE IN MY 30,S I,M NOW 41 AND EXSHASTED FROM IT .
i,VE HAD A GOOD FEW AS USUAL WRITING THIS….. DON,T WANT TO GET TO DEEP THOUGH
. i FEEL I,M NO WHERE NEAR YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS AS IN THE LAST 10 YEARS I HAVE HAD
2 SOBER WEEKS BOTH DUE TO BEING ON HIGH DOSAGE OF ANTIBIOTICS I COULD NO WAY HAVE TOUCHED A DROP ON BUT THE MOMENT I,D FINISHED I,D HIT IT AGAIN . i HOPE TO REACH YOUR PLACE OF SOBRIETY SOON AS MY HEADACHES AND SICKNESS ARE HELL PLACE TO BE … JENNY
On May 27th, 2010 at 10:11 pm ,
Concerned Says:

This has been so helpful to me to see everyone’s comments. As one poster mentioned- I came here through a Google search. I am fairly young, 25 years, and I don’t drink heavily very often…but sometimes I do. My mother is 53 (tomorrow) and she has had a problem with alcohol for many, MANY years. Some of my earliest memories involve discovering large glass bottles of cheap wine hidden around the house in odd locations such as under the kitchen sink, bathroom sink, etc. We have never spoken very openly and honestly about my concern for her although the subject has come up after I came home for school once and she was hiding in the closet, convinced we were being robbed..and I called my dad and we all spoke briefly about her drinking. I am concerned because I live alone and I buy wine to drink with dinner. I tell myself that it will only drink one glass (so that I am bright eyed and bushy tailed for work in the morning) but then I drink the whole bottle uncontrollably. This happens about once or twice a week and I don’t tell my fiance who lives apart from me and this makes me feel as if I cheated on him. I’m not sure what to do. I hide my drinking when I do it alone but when I try to meet up with friends, my friends want to binge drink at bars/parties. I want to stop for my self- respect, relationship with my partner, and my health. My mothers’ situation makes me feel helpless to this desire because she seems to be.
On May 27th, 2010 at 11:59 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Jenny, and Concerned, and all recent posters: Please know that all of us here, ALL of us, are behind you, cheering you on. We are all so imperfect, we all have alcohol-related things that we’ve done that we’ve never told anyone about, and never will, because we feel so bad about having messed up so sensationally. But that’s what makes us alike, just being human, with bundles of flaws, boxes of guilt and shame, thinking we’ll never be able to overcome this thing that has such a hold on us. But there’s a certain beauty in the fact that we measure the passage of time in 24-hour increments. And tomorrow is a brand new day. And when we wake up and realize that we’ve been given another one to work with, we can find a lot of strength and encouragement in knowing that whatever we did yesterday, and in days long since passed, no matter how bad or mean or stupid it may have been, well, that’s all gone now, it’s strictly past-tense, it is no more. But today, this precious day, guaranteed to no one, is that awesome second chance, to pick ourselves up, be thankful for the chance to try again, let the past go– just let it GO !! — and rejoice in the clean slate that you are provided with every single morning. Resolve to write a new story, today. It occurred to me the other day that, after not drinking for well over a year now, maybe we tend to make too big a deal out of the whole issue. I have come to feel that not drinking, i.e. being a non-drinker, is really no big deal– that the drama and turmoil associated with trying to stop is maybe sort of self-imposed. So, just a suggestion: declare this new day to be a great one in your life– your first day as a non-drinker!! You can do it, just as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow morning, you can do it. You have just as much strength, just as many smarts, as anyone. You know you don’t need the stuff; now you have to say that you don’t WANT the stuff. Trust me, friends, if I did it, you can do it. Maybe the biggest key is this– DON’T BE AFRAID of what it might be like not to have alcohol anymore, because in a very short while, you’re going to see that not having alcohol anymore is NO BIG DEAL, really it’s not !! Best, Bill
On June 1st, 2010 at 12:47 am ,
Thinking About some Ways to Quit Drinking? | Phil's Advice Says:

[...] alcoholic will need to stop drinking now in order to protect themselves from harmful situations. People who do not drink alcohol know when [...]
On June 1st, 2010 at 12:10 pm ,
jenny Says:

Hi Bill thankyou for your follow up to my post , i,m on 100 units a day just attended some help
but making me feel so much worse i.e …………. adding up the units makes me drink more i feel .
I think a weel off work would help me …………jenny xxx
On June 1st, 2010 at 12:12 pm ,
jenny Says:

please explain to me how you got the strentgh to stop . jenny
On June 1st, 2010 at 12:57 pm ,
Mark Says:

This is my first day without alcohol in about 6 months. My symptoms range from pretty mild to awful, usually in the middle…I’m going to the doctor today to see if he can help with the withdrawals. I’m going to quit no matter what. I just want some relief from the shakes nausea and restlessness.
On June 1st, 2010 at 3:50 pm ,
jenny Says:

hi mark let me know if you succeed , strength and love to you , i just keep failing , but i guess tommorows another day , this beast has hold of me . jenny x
On June 1st, 2010 at 5:58 pm ,
Drew Says:

I appreciate the informaation on this site and the user comments. I’m 37 an have been smoking and drinking since I was 14. I’m a binge drinker, so I assumed that because I can go a week without a drink that I didn’t have a problem. Here I am calling in sick to work (again) because my Memorial Day BBQ adventures have left me spun out with high anxiety, massive depression and even drew some blood due to poor balance. I do have a good friend in AA, and I’m debating calling him up to take me to a meeting, but I’m not sure if that’s the best method for me, but I won’t know until I try. I’m gettng really tired of feeling this depression and anxiety. The fun I have while drinking is not worth feeling like this. I’m pretty nervous, because I don’t know how to have a happy life outside of drinking, as all my events involve getting wasted. I feel like a better person drunk. I am funnier, I am more affectionate with friends and family, I don’t get angry or violent. I don’t know what I’m going to do yet to handle this, but I’m going to start by clocking today’s date and see how long I can go. If I fail, I’ll need to look at other options. Today is the day I can finally admit I’m an alcoholic. I wish you all the best on your recovery.
On June 2nd, 2010 at 7:16 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hi, Jenny, Mark, Drew and all. Shakes, nausea, restlessness, high anxiety, massive depression, headaches, exhaustion. I imagine those would be some of the symptoms we’d feel if we drank a few cocktails consisting of, how about, paint thinner and tonic…? Ridiculous concept, sure. But isn’t it weird how alcohol causes those same things, and yet we seem to have such a heck of a time staying away from it? I think it may be helpful to look at alcohol– and the prospect of drinking it– in much the same way we’d look at paint thinner– and the prospect of drinking IT !! Truly, not a lot of inner strength involved there, no particular courage, in fact nothing but the common-sense realization that it will hurt you bad, hold you down, rob you of your ability (and even your desire) to be the best that you can be. Life is so short, guys. For me, it helped to think of my 35-year history of beer guzzling as a “drinking career” from which it was now simply time to “retire.” I told myself, “It’s time to hang it up. I’m done with it now. I know that life holds so much more for me than this. And my time is running out.” And I had myself one last can of Natty Light– knowing it would be my last– tossed the empty can in the wastebasket, and said goodbye to alcohol for good. Almost ceremonial, I guess, but also very casual, very non-hysterical, very drama-free. Kinda like driving your old faithful clunker to the auto dealer that one last time, knowing you’ll be driving away with a newer set of wheels– you pat it on the hood, say, “Hey, it’s been real,” and let it go. Everyone have a good evening !! Best, Bill
On June 3rd, 2010 at 5:14 pm ,
Suzy Says:

Hello – thank you for your words that are comforting and help a lot. I have been down this road before. It’s the dreaded “day after”—when it feels really scary and degrading- I go searching the internet for inspiration and knowledge of how to quit drinking before it kills me. After a night of binge drinking, writing dark poetry, crying my guts out over wounds I can’t let go of, and other humiliating desparate acts. I wake up panicking over trying to remember what I actually did, who I called (oh God no, not the x BF), what I said, etc. This was me ALONE… When i am around others I become a freak while binge drinking or doing cocaine which i will do if in front of me + drunk. I am aggressive, bizarre, dangerous, daredevil,emotional wrecking ball. No class. Then start the morning with a drink. Then I get to work and pray I can function well enough and “hide it” . I berate myself, you sad , pathetic girl. No wonder no one loves you. You treat yourself like you hate yourself. So the inner struggle rages on… taboo drinking in the morning, unable to control my emotions, isolating myself, fear of never having peace and love, and being suicidal has drawn me here. I want to tell someone, so i tell you. Its hard to tell people that you know.

So I stop for a week (at most) then con myself that I am ok and I can drink, just not
Binge drink.. until the next meltdown. I want to detox…I don’t want to be this way. I want to love myself so I can have love one day in return. Real love– not dysfunctional, codependent/insecure love. Real Joy—that comes from clean living, free spirit and happy heart. I want help but it’s hard for me to be in a group setting right now. I went to a couple of AA meetings before… I feel like a phoney. i can’t speak… I want out of this prison.. I am going to start the fight. Thanks for inspiring me. Peace to you.
On June 3rd, 2010 at 9:58 pm ,
Patrick Says:

Suzy I think you sound like you already know what you need to do. Stop searching on the internet for your answer and just go live it….go ask for help, go check into rehab, go to a meeting, go take action of some sort. You are caught up in a cycle and you know that you are trapped, so you are very close to breaking free. Just have to make the decision. Just have to get up the guts and take the plunge.

Sobriety is calling you….you are so close. Make the decision to change your life. Just drop the struggle and ask someone for help. If you really surrender, you won’t feel fake about it anymore….

Good luck.
On June 4th, 2010 at 4:13 pm ,
Sharon Says:

Gosh and I thought I was the only person who drank a bottle of wine on a nightly basis! It’s good to know I have friends out there :o)

I too have reached the point where I know I have to stop drinking, to be quite honest I have known I needed to stop for some time now, but haven’t been able to do the “hard thing”. My question is what am I going to do everynight when I’m not sucking down that bottle of wine. I know, exercise, get a new hobby, etc. but I’m just afraid that’s not going to do it for me. I’m going to need to develop a totally new “evening life” and that is very scary!

I have been collecting thoughts on addition getting ready for my journey. I’ll share a few of my favorites with you: “We can’t keep ignoring something that is systematically trying to destroy our lives”. “An addition is a highly effective way for something we have to turn into some place we live”. “Like it or not, some things are simply up to us” and my absolute favorite “Too many of us feel that the pattern of the past dictates an inevitable future. The fact that we have means we always will. That’s a lie – say so”!

Wishing us all an easy path ~ tomorrow is my day! Last glass of wine tonight!
On June 7th, 2010 at 8:54 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi again;
Drew, it is not a cliche. For me the first time I admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic was the day I really, truly began to stop drinking.

I’m having the odd relapse; nothing serious but it is still living with drink, which i do not want to do.

It is hard to give up… the ‘perceived benefits’ seem like hard-wired habits!

I may have said this before, but it is easy for me to give-up the booze at this point in my life. Stable job, relstionship, 2 very young kids, house in the ‘burbs (miles from any bar). I couldn’t imagine giving up when I was younger; the truth is that drinking and partying was something that used to be positive in my life.
Now, I drink too much too often and it is no longer a positive experience. My case is, I believe, a very common one.

Good luck to all, a sober day is a good one.

JPVD.
.
On June 7th, 2010 at 5:25 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Suzy, Sharon, JPVD and all who may be reading this, best to all of you this week. We all struggle with the same things, have the same hopes, the same self-doubt. Remember that old episode of The Twilight Zone where the guy looked out the window of the airplane and saw that little monster trying to eat the wing? Think of the itch, the craving, for alcohol, as being that little monster, and then just get mad, I mean really mad, and say, basically, {okay, if there are any little kids around you’ll want to ask them to leave the room now… :o) } “Screw you, you f****ng little sh***head!! You’ve had the better of me for a long time, but now you’re about to die, ’cause I ain’t feeding you any more !! This is MY life !! The one in charge here is ME !! You’ve had your last drink, you piece of crap !!! And your last laugh !!!” And with that, imagine your self cutting the pipeline that has supplied his thirst all these years, just sever it right in two! And oh my, he’s gonna scream and curse and spit and kick and squirm, but you’re gonna be free of him now, he’s going to be dead soon. And you can begin to live. Visualize it that way, friends, you have the power, you can do it !!! Sorry about the implied profanity above, but sometimes you just really have to cut it loose to stun that little guy, then knock him on his………. bottom. :o) You guys GO !!!!! Don’t doubt yourself !! You CAN do this !! Remember, all those years as a kid, before you even knew what alcohol WAS? And how carefree life was, how you were intrigued with it, loved it? Kick the monster’s butt, and you can have that back again !! Before you know it, the thought of drinking will be nothing but a faded, distant memory. Peace to all of you !! -Bill
On June 8th, 2010 at 10:37 am ,
Suzy Says:

Bill:
Wow, You really know how to stir up the will power in people. It’s really a gift.

I haven’t told anyone, but it’s my 6th day sober. I am feeling strange like a alien in my body and mind. Funny you should mention about regressing to your inner child, but I have been thinking a lot about who i was before alcohol. When I was a child and full of fire and life. It made me happy/sad, but the fog is lifting and I am either changing or going back to who i was as a free spirit. It almost feels like cheating death, and having one last day to live, to look around and feel things, and see things and experience things as if it were your last. Hard to explain, but i want to purge all of this and forgive myself and others. Even without alcohol, there are still the behaviors, fears and wounds to deal with that is the most difficult part for me. A conversation I had with my grown daughter helped me realize how sad she is that I am destroying myself with alcohol and how it has broken my spirit. I do not want her to hurt for me. That drives me more than anything.
I’m going to try a meeting this week and try something new everyday. Slay the monster!!
On June 8th, 2010 at 2:03 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Awesome, Suzy !!! By the way, I think that Twilight Zone episode was called “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” or something like that. I just found a clip of it on You Tube, featuring John Lithgow as the crazed guy looking out the airplane window. If you can find it, I think the monster depicted there is exactly how I visualize the little alcohol monster whose a** you’re about to kick !!! You are doing great! Stay positive! Be happy just to wake up each day, realizing that you’re being given another chance to help others, to wipe the slate clean, to ask forgiveness, to give it. Best, Bill
On June 10th, 2010 at 1:48 am ,
Camus Says:

Good job Suzy! I’ve been all over the board for the last 15 to 20 years of my life. The first time I recall drinking, I drank so much I woke up face down in vomit. This was long long before I or anyone else realized I had a problem. I’ve went through life either binge drinking & not sure how I got home, where my car was etc etc, or drinking a minimum of a bottle of wine on a daily basis. I relate to about everyone on this site because I’ve experienced just about all of it. I had a very dysfunctional long term relationship in the past that seemed to escalate my drinking. Now, I have two young children, a wonderful husband, a great job and everything I’ve ever wanted and more. I stopped drinking off and on and now I secretly drink when I can. I’m totally I closet alcoholic now. I’m functional, but hate every bit of it just as much as when I drank until I couldn’t stand up, because now I have so much to lose & I feel dishonest and pitiful that I can’t get it together when I have everything. There is nothing more I want in life. I just can’t seem to relax without it. I sometimes feel like I’m ADD & want to scream…sometimes I do & sometimes I grab a drink. It’s getting worse and I’m scared.
On June 10th, 2010 at 12:00 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Camus, hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY dear friend !!!!!! Don’t be afraid !! It will be allright !! You have hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people, right here, right now, supporting you, holding you up, cheering you on !! Please let me just tell you that there was a time in my life (still quite recent in fact) when I thought that life without alcohol would totally, absolutely bite the big one !! I couldn’t imagine the concept of going out to dinner, or to a party or wedding reception, or having an entire day go by, without getting sloppy !! The very thought of doing something without having alcohol in the picture was a complete bummer!! And now, just over a year free from that trap, I experience every day how GREAT it is to be off that god***mn rollercoaster, that roach of a routine in which I used to poison myself and reduce my precious days to nothing but a buzz-quest. Now listen, please! All those things that make you feel dishonest or pitiful, they’re gone now, they have vanished into the past, they can’t reach you or hurt you or bring you down any more! They exist only in thought, in memory. They don’t matter anymore !! Think of all the GOOD things you’ve done in your life, things that may be known only to you and your God, acts of kindness that have positively affected others in ways you will never even know about! We’ve ALL done more than our share of stupid and thoughtless and hurtful things, Camus, that’s a skill we human beings seem to pretty much all have mastered. But none of that matters. All that matters is that today your slate is clean, your book can begin to be written anew !! If you see that alcohol is a problem, you must believe (’cause it’s true!) that you absolutely DO have the power to end that problem. Plainly speaking, you just have to pause and say, “This sucks; I’m done.” Keep it simple and quiet; no drama allowed. Gather up and throw away all the alcohol in your residence, except for one last drink. Sit down perhaps right before bed and have that last drink, declare that it is the last drink you’ll ever have, and as you toss the can or glass away, say, “Later, gater. My drinking career is done.” And turn the page on it. Tomorrow you’ll wake up to the beauty of a brand new day, a brand new life. You can do it, we all know you can. Best, Bill
On June 10th, 2010 at 7:11 pm ,
Camus Says:

Thank for your encouraging words Bill. I have a difficult time taking myself seriously because I’ve tried so many times in the past to quit “for good”. I do good for awhile, but after a couple weeks say, “I think I can have just one, just this once” and then it’s all over. I know how I feel without it hanging over me, and I know it doesn’t have power over me, and that I have a choice. I think I forget how down & discouraged I feel when I drink. I feel like I’m cheating myself, my husband and children out of experiencing these wonderful years completely. I don’t want to be numb to the experience anymore. It’s not all great, but that’s how we grow as human beings. This site has helped me a lot. I feel a great support without having to feel so vulnerable and awkward with the people around me. Thanks for all of the inspiration & that’s to everyone who has written on this site and told their story.
On June 19th, 2010 at 4:06 am ,
Lu Says:

Hello,

I guess I should start by saying that I consider myself a binge drinker, weekend warrior and also an occasional drug user. I do not know my limits when I drink or when I binge on drugs. I’m 31 years old and I am tired of living this life. I first started drinking and doing drugs in my early teen years. Always hung out with the wrong crowd. Later on in life I was smart enough to get away from that crowd but I still continued to party.

I know 99% of my past problems have been a result of my drinking and drug use. From 2 DUI’s, divorce, financial, fights, and embarrassing moments. My last straw was beating up my best friend and I don’t remember any of it. 2 days prior to that I made a fool of myself at my friends wedding. Insulted his and his wife’s family. Not to mention hundreds of times I have called in to work or showed up late. I also like to call people at 3-6am drunk as hell. I’m just sick of it! Also my diet and activity level are from from healthy.

I’m scared that one day I will kill someone on accident or on purpose because I turn into a demon when I binge. I might do something to put my ass in jail. Who knows?

I could go on and on like most of you can on what events have happened because of my habit. All I know is that I am DONE. I want to quit. The problem is all I know is partying. When I watch sports I drink, weekends r drinking days, I have to drink to meet women.

Why is it I can talk my butt off be funny and smart when drunk, but when sober I can’t react?

Thanks
On June 21st, 2010 at 7:18 am ,
Christine Says:

Thanks you so much for this site.

This isn’t the first time I’ve googled for help in stopping. I’ve had a few runs at this beast. OK, more than a few.
I’m in my mid-50′s now. I was going to quit when I turned 40, then 45, then 50, now here I am again. For the past 7 years I’ve watched my quality of life decline with increasing anxiety, depression, sleep problems.
There are alcohol problems in my family, and in my spouse’s as well. We know we need to be careful, and we are for a few days, but then we go off the rails by having that 2 or 3 too many. For ten days in a row.
This site is helping me realise that one of us has to stop first and I’m fine with that being me. I’m tired of the enabling, I’m tired of our evenings which consist of drinking too much and not socialising.
Bill’s words are so true about changing your definition of who you are and sticking to it. Decades ago I quit smoking. I just woke up and decided, “That’s it” I’m no longer a smoker.
I plan on doing the same with drinking. I stopped for a month in October and it helped so much. Now I need to stop stopping, and become a non-drinker instead.
On June 21st, 2010 at 1:57 pm ,
Blondie43 Says:

I am finally admitting to myself and loved ones that I am slowly but surely becoming an alcoholic. I have been a habitual drinker for several years now. I never thought drinking was a problem for me because I don’t act silly, become violent, have blackouts, and I always remember most conversations/events that happened the night before when I wake up in the morning. I don’t drink during the day, but the moment I step foot in the door after a long day at work, the wine calls for me and I give in everytime. Every morning before leaving the house, I make a special point to check the fridge (making sure I still have alcohol) for yet another night of binge drinking. If I see I am running low, the liquor store is my first stop after work. My husband and I would like to try to have a baby soon; however, I know my drinking needs to stop before we try to have a family. Just thinking about going home tonight without consuming my “oh so delicious” bottle of wine scares the crap out of me. It has become “my escape” from the real world. I feel relaxed, happy, and in a weird way, I feel normal when consuming alcohol. At this point in my life…. I want to be different and I want to get rid of my addictive personality type; however, I continue along my path of destruction without making any life changes what so ever. My physical appearance is also “slowly but surely changing” I still consider myself attractive, as do others; however, the alcohol is starting to take a toll. Instead of the baby I hope to have one day growing inside me, I have developed a “wine baby” instead. The longer I continue to drink I know the “wine baby” will continue to get bigger and my chances of getting pregnant while sober decrease. Today, I had an emotional discussion over lunch with my husband. I finally admitted to him that I know I have a problem and I want to be a better person and make better decisions. I want to like myself for the choices I make. He will be out of town tonight on business; therefore, I scare myself at the thought of being home alone tonight. I’m scared because I won’t actually be alone, my friend Pinot Grigio is in the Fridge and will be tempting me until he is in a wine glass in my hand while I watch my favorite TV shows. Tonight will be the test of my willpower…. Wish me luck….
On June 21st, 2010 at 4:43 pm ,
Christine Says:

Blondie, good luck!!!!!
Tonight there was an open bottle of my beloved chardonnay in the fridge. Thanks to the heartfelt stories and responses I’ve been reading here, I resisted. You can too! Go for a walk, phone a friend, take a bath.

Good luck!
On June 22nd, 2010 at 9:18 am ,
Blondie43 Says:

Christine,

Thank you for your response. Congrats on becoming a non smoker and good luck to you and your husband. I also smoke and would like to kick this habit along with the wine drinking. Oh how I wish I would just wake up one morning a say “Today is the day that I won’t feel trapped by my addictions” Besides my Mother, no one else in my family or my friends smoke or drink as much as I do. I find myself sneaking off during social gatherings to have my 3 minutes of nicotine pleasure because I don’t like how it smells, or how I look smoking. But somehow… this just isn’t enough because I keep lighting up over and over again. One day I hope to be non smoker. At this point I’m not sure which habit will be more tough to break, the smoking or the wine drinking? Time will tell I suppose. Thank you again for your encouraging words. You are so right…. I need to fill my time with other things in order to resist my temptations. Again… Best of luck to you and your hubbie!
On June 22nd, 2010 at 6:56 pm ,
Christine Says:

Blondie,
How did you get on the other night when your husband was away? Were you able to resist? Or do you need to make a different type of plan. Does your husband drink too? I’m currently on day 3 dry. Hubby is still having wine and beers but not me. I have two big parties this weekend but as of now I’m planning on going as a non-drinker. It feels more relaxing to me thinking of being a non-drinker than it goign to these parties as a drinker, “what will I drink? Ho much? Will I have too much and feel awful the next day??” It feels easier to just not drink.
On June 23rd, 2010 at 10:29 am ,
Blondie43 Says:

hey there. Let’s just say “I’m not proud of myself” However, last night I did not drink wine – I did drink, but it was light beer (64 cal. beer) and I poured the last one down the drain. Usually, I drink until buzzed or until it puts me to sleep – but last night was different. I didn’t feel my usual numbness from wine, but I felt fine. It’s crazy how much so many addictions are mostly mental. My body is crying for help saying “Don’t drink that” because it’s exhausted, but my mind tells me to anyways. So I do… I give in everytime so far. Crazy how things have such a power over us. My husband will be home tonight. Thank the Lord! To answer your question… he is a light drinker. A social drinker. He can have one or two and be content. He doesn’t smoke either. So I know once I am completely disgusted with myself her will be supportive of my choice to cut these ties with my addictions. Right now he doesn’t push me or judge me to quit my habits – he knows that ultimately it will have to be my decision once and for all in order for the plan to be successful. I’m also pretty likeable while wine drinking. Like I said before…. I don’t act silly (most of the time) or do things I regret on a regualr basis. The problem is….”I feel normal when drinkin” and I like myself while under the influence – I only hope to like myself just as much while not drinking the night away night after night. As for your party….. good luck! It sounds like you are at peace with your decision and I’m sure that is a great feeling! Keep it up!
On June 23rd, 2010 at 10:35 am ,
Blondie43 Says:

One more thing….. I think my different type of plan will be to pour juice with a little sparkling water in my wine glass! This way I will still get the satisfaction of holding one of my many beautiful wine glasses while relaxing. I will report how this works soon!
On June 26th, 2010 at 3:47 am ,
Christine Says:

On day 7 and feeling wonderful. This site has helped me so much!
When I wake up in the morning I’m not doing the “hangover scan” first thing. You know, “How much did I drink last night? How bad will I be today?”

Such a deep relief. Blondie, are you still out there?
On June 28th, 2010 at 12:57 pm ,
CB from L.A. Says:

Several weeks ago was my dad’s 75th b-day. My siblings and I put together a huge surprise b-day bash for him and family from all over showed up. I’m the social networker of my family (4 siblings) and am the one people usually call to find out where’s the next family party; I’ve been drinking since I was 16 – I’m now 35.

In telling my mom about the party (prior to), she indicated she did not really care we put a party together becuase her sons (my younger brother(29 yrs) and I) always end up drunk…and that’s exactly what happened.

The night of the party, my wife was prepared to leave me behind (at my parent’s), which she did. She said I was stubborn and would most likely not want to leave the party when it ended; and she was correct. The party ended at 2am. At 4:30am, with a beer in hand, my dad had to put me to bed because I could barely walk and was blacked-out. This is not the first time this happens.

I have a 5mth old son and told myself that once I had kids, I would “control” my alcohol. Now I tell myself I will control it when’s my son is older and able to understand what’s going on…

Trend?…

I am ashamed and embarrassed, I am upset at myself. My parents look to me for guidance for many of the family affairs, but don’t care to be around me when I drink because I binge. I love my parent’s and want to make them proud and I feel i’m failing them. Also, I feel i’m failing my infant son, and sabotaging my personal success. And yet, I will control it…

Last week my wife told me she wanted a dress that cost around $75 and I almost flipped at the price, yet that same evening I spent $120 at a local bar and grill (more like a bar) and didn’t flinch.

I would like to be able to share a glass of champagne with my wife for our anniversary, or a mug of beer during superbowl, or a glass of wine while traveling Italy…but is that possible as a non-drinker? do I just have to surrender to sobriety? and am I setting myself up for failure with the thought that I can control my drinking?…

Thoughts please.
On June 28th, 2010 at 6:47 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hi, CB, yes, in my view you’re setting yourself up for failure with the thought that you can control your drinking. I’ve been there, my friend— “Okay; two beers a day. Yeah, who could think that was unreasonable? Well, maybe we could make it 4 during the Superbowl… or 5 at wedding receptions… or on extra-special occasions like anniversaries… or when the mail comes early…” So what happens is that with all that rule-setting, and the inevitable exceptions that come up for consideration, you’re only becoming more preoccupied than ever with the stuff. What better way to fail? Look at all that has been written here, by you, and me, and so many folks just like us, look at what we put ourselves through, how we almost EXPECT to fail; and we analyze, and worry, and fret, and try so hard to out-think it————– that I honestly believe we completely overlook the possibility that solving this problem could in fact be ridiculously EASY !! And in my own experience, it WAS. After 35 years of beer-guzzling, and countless failed attempts to be a “controlled” drinker… and exercising incredibly lousy judgment, and hurting those who loved and depended on me, and ruining my 25-year marriage, well, one day I finally took the simple, but radical, step, of saying: “This sucks. I’m done. It’s not complicated, at all. And it’s not going to be hard, either. I’m taking the whole damn issue OFF THE TABLE. Alcohol and drinking are now OUT OF MY LIFE. What’s the big friggin’ problem with not having it? I mean REALLY??!! That I won’t be getting buzzed/sloppy/messed up any more?? Aw, poor baby !!” Let me tell ya, CB, it’s been a year and a half now, and the whole concept of alcohol is nothing but a very dim, distant memory. And I have my personhood back. And honestly, I almost can’t believe what was hiding under all that beer, and I must say, I’m liking it. I’m a heck of a lot better person than I thought. And I’m not deprived of a thing. I’m just free !! So… my advice: CLEAR THE TABLE. JUST CLEAR IT. NOW.
And don’t worry about how hard it might be, because it’s not going to be hard at all. It wants you to THINK it’s going to be hard, but it ISN’T. Don’t let it fool you that way. YOU are the friggin’ boss here, am I right??? Okay, now all the best to you. And don’t be a wuss. Nothing could be simpler. You can do it, CB. -Bill
On June 29th, 2010 at 3:13 am ,
Christine Says:

Bill,

Thanks so much for your brilliant, spot-on posts. I came over here today just to get a fix of your sage advice. I’m currently on day ten, but more than that, I am done. I’m looking to the future not worrying about how I will manage my drinking, but knowing that it isn’t an issue. I’m done.

Thank you.
On June 29th, 2010 at 5:49 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Christine, that is GREAT ! ! !
If you start to miss it, if you start thinking about it, just remember— that’s the little alien making a last ditch attempt to talk you into feeding his thirst for alcohol before he withers up and dies, because he knows that’s what’s about to happen, and he will become not only agitated, but also madder than hell !! Just remember who’s in charge of YOU; nobody can force you to hoist that stuff up to your mouth, that’s something only YOU have charge of; alien-dude will writhe around and scream and do everything he can to fool you into thinking it’s okay to go ahead and feed him, but YOU absolutely have the power to kick his rear– and even if you’re not given to profanity, I find that it really helps to knock the alien off his game with a good verbal volley; it just makes you feel like you’re stomping him really good. And as long as you say the nasty words strictly inside your mind, and not for others to hear, you shouldn’t have any ill consequences from it !! My usual verbal assault would be something like, “Hey you a**hole alien!! Screw you, ya little sh**head !! You’re not getting one damn drop of anything from me !! Now get the ‘f’ out of here you little bas***d !!!!!” (Sorry about that, but you you really do have to get pissed off, let him know you’re not going to take any more of his crap !!) Okay, everyone have a good evening !! Keep smiling !!
-Bill
On June 30th, 2010 at 11:49 am ,
CB from L.A. Says:

Thank you Bill, and all; the table is clear! Simply, I am a NON-DRINKER. thank you.
On June 30th, 2010 at 5:54 pm ,
Cory Says:

Hi everyone

I am so inspired by reading all of your stories – Bill you are a Saint! I am 50 and have a drinking problem. I drink until I pass out watching tv almost every night and was able to ‘function’ the next day. I do this secretly because I am so ashamed of it. I have been feeling out of control for years and have wanted to stop but felt it was controlling me. I have 3 beautiful daughters and a fabulous husband – there is no reason for me to drink and that is what bothers me the most – why do I do it? I am too ashamed to even tell my Doctor – never mind go to public meeting, so I feel so blessed to have googled and found this web-site. Today is the day I become a non-drinker. I have gotten so much strength from reading all your stories and struggles so please Pray for me
On June 30th, 2010 at 8:23 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hi Cory and CB and Christine and all! Keep fighting, stay hoppin’ mad at you-know-who (DON’T let him fool you and DON’T let him draw you into back-and-forth dialogue or debate; in fact, don’t talk to him at all unless it’s to cuss at him real good every so often), drink lots of water and take pride in keeping yourself well-hydrated, enjoy waking up feeling……….. decent (!!), notice how a very cool sense of tranquility takes up residence inside you, and be amazed to find, very soon, that you feel GOOD, ALL THE TIME !! We’re all cheering for you !! And for good measure, here’s a little cheer:
Go, fight, win !
Stay away from gin !
And Sammy Adams too !
And Nuns of color Blue !
Rah, rah, ree !!
Kick the monster’s knee !!
Rah, rah, rass !!
Kick the monster’s…
Other knee !! :o) Best to all !!
On July 1st, 2010 at 1:38 am ,
bikehikester Says:

I quit just one week ago. I have been drinking a bottle of wine every night for years. once in awhile I would drink up to a bottle and a half. I think I can handle stopping but I am not falling asleep (up late on this post!) Thanks for the posts, I am inspired bgy the honesty and hope.
On July 1st, 2010 at 8:42 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi again, Always inspirational to hear peoples resolve against self-inflicted (and usually self-cured) problem.

I jst wanted to share some thoughts i have had since admiting I was an alcoholic and deciding to give-up drinking.

I personally have found the first few days by far the absolute most difficult. Get through them and it gets easier.

I have relapsed many times; always because I thought “Oh one won’t hurt” or “You have done XX days/weeks, what’s a few drinks to celebrate/relax/socialise?” I will continue to relapse if I think this way because I am an aloholic and I CANNOT drink socially. I need to really understand this. The relapses got shorter and less intense so far.

I am a better person, better husband and better parent since deciding to stop drinking.

Lastly i want to share a positive experience I had from reading other people’s posts.
Blondie43 wrote about checking the fridge in the morning to make sure there was enough alcohol to get drunk that night. I used to do this, and now I don’t. In fact I totally forgot I used to do it until I read Blondie43′s post.
My point being that I guess it is possible to change these habits, and not even notice; thus becoming a true ‘non-drinker’.

good luck all.
Jean Plod Van Damme
On July 1st, 2010 at 11:25 am ,
Cory Says:

Hi

I have made it through the first day. I am so proud of myself. I know it is only the beginning but I also know I can kick that alien’s f****** butt! I’ll keep posting – I find all your messages give me strength and an idea of what to expect from day to day. Thank you all for your honesty.

Cory
On July 1st, 2010 at 5:43 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Awesome, Cory ! ! ! We’re all proud of you too !! Getting that first little wedge of 24 hours in between you and what USED to be an issue :o) is so important! Now, be alert to all the upbeat and positive vibes and feelings you’re going to be having!Get another 24 hours in between you and that slimy little guy, and then another 24, and another, and soon you’ll have built a wall of time, an impenetrable barrier, to keep the little f’er from ever destroying your life and relationships again. Bike and JP, you both hang in there too!! Bike, your sleeping will soon get better; it may take a while to get adjusted, but it will get better! JP, your honesty about relapses is appreciated. It can happen to any and all of us. And if it should happen to me, it’s really good to know I can come here and still be accepted and supported. Everyone have a good Thursday evening !!
-Bill
On July 2nd, 2010 at 11:44 am ,
Cory Says:

Hi everyone

Thanks for your daily encouragement! Two days waking up sober sure feels good. I had the energy to go for a hike yesterday and will do the same today. I feel excited again about what I can do in the day – not just wishing the day would end because I would start out feeling so lousy. I have been trying to figure out why this web site has had such a profound effect on me. I have quit drinking every day for the past several years – and failed every day for the past several years so why is this different? I think there are two main reasons for me: 1 – I have finally seen my story in so many others and I am not alone – we are stronger together and 2 – this is the key for me – identifying the ‘drinker’ as an alien – foreign to myself has been so important. I can hate something else besides myself. When “I” was the failure, I hated myself – every day I was a failure. I felt like someone else had taken over me and when I was reaching for the wine every day it was like someone elses arm putting that bottle to my mouth. By identifying that behaviour as alien to me has allowed me to kick that alien out – it is like a visitor I had invited into my home that was welcome at first and then started to ruin everything that was important to me. I have just realized that I have to power to kick that visitor out. It is MY HOME!!! Thank you Bill for those repeated messages – keep it simple and get mad. Good luck to you all as we approach the weekend and remember we are stronger together – even on-line!
On July 2nd, 2010 at 3:01 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Well said, Cory !! Keep it up !! Everyone have a great weekend !! I think this is my shortest note ever !! :o)
On July 3rd, 2010 at 8:18 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hi luis;

your baseball story reminds me when Homer Simpson stopped drinking and went to a ball-game: ‘I never realised how boring this game was!”.

I used to go to all sorts of live sports; when i stopped drinking i realised i only really went because it was an excuse to drink… even (especially) the local sunday amatuers!

Write back with more sober moments; they are the shining ones.

a good one for me is now smiling as mr. policeman pulls me up in a random breath test..’No problem officer!’

JPVD.
.
On July 3rd, 2010 at 12:17 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Cool observations, guys! I think that’s one of the nicest things about drinking stuff other than booze– being able to welcome a pull-over situation, knowing you can wisecrack the officer a little if he asks if you’ve “had anything to drink this evening”…
“Well, yes, officer, I won’t lie to you; I’ve had maybe six……. club sodas.” Then I’ll ask him if he’d like for me to demonstrate my moonwalk. :o)
Cory? You doin’ okay? A wonderful weekend to all!!!!
On July 3rd, 2010 at 4:39 pm ,
Cory Says:

Hi – I’m doing great. Went for a 2 hour hike this morning – I used to hike a lot and forgot how great it feels. I feel like I am getting myself back again – and I never want to lose that again. I hope this lasts because it sure feels good. Thanks again for all the encouragement. I continue to be inspired by everyone’s comments and struggles. Thanks Bill for checking up on me and everyone else.
On July 4th, 2010 at 1:23 am ,
Cory Says:

Hi

Well, after three days, I had my ‘relapse’. Tonight everyone was celebrating the long weekend and I thought, hey, I have been doing great, I am in control, I can have a glass of wine. I went right back to my old habits – had my glass of wine publicly, and then secretly guzzled an entire bottle of wine by myself. I am not drunk, but I went too far. I am not saying this to discourage anyone, but to be honest and let you know my progress. As many of you have said, we can’t drink socially – whatever it is that drives that craving it is not the same with everyone. I have heard AA people say “you can’t get drunk if you don’t drink”. I let the dialogue with that ‘alien’ happen and I should have stopped it right away. I hope I can regain the same enthusiasm tomorrow and wipe everything off the table. All the best to everyone
On July 4th, 2010 at 7:32 am ,
Anne Says:

What if you’re a “devout” atheist? I abhor the god part of recovery…but I’d like to give up my drinking for a better life. My teenage daughter is out of control, my son has an incurable desease, my husband has “checked out”, my parents are nest death, my 2 step-sons died tragically (one car accident, the other suicide while off his paranoid schizophrenia meds), I’m feeling resentful ( marital poison), and I can’t find the motivation to stop numbing myself and get out there and ride my bicycle (exercise). WTF???
On July 4th, 2010 at 1:52 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hey Cory, don’t beat yourself up now, dear !! You simply proved to yourself that you’re human, that’s all; and now that you’ve got that clarified, you’re free to start fresh !! We admire your honesty and share your struggle. It doesn’t matter how many times you may fall; please just don’t stop getting back up. Yesterday can’t be reached, nor can tomorrow. Be a non-drinker now, right now. Make the declaration again; wipe out the concept of time; it doesn’t matter if you’ve been a non-drinker for ten minutes or ten months, what counts is the PERSON you ARE, at this moment, NOT how long you’ve BEEN that person. Smile a big smile, don’t lose hope, you can do it !! Best, Bill
On July 4th, 2010 at 2:08 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hi Anne, you are certainly having a difficult time of it, that’s for sure. Sounds like lot of people need you right now, a tall order for sure. But you should have no doubt that you do have within you the strength (wherever it might’ve come from) to be there for them, and you know you’ve got to be at your best, you’ve got to be sharp. You know what to do. Good luck, Anne, hang in there, and stand tall !! Bill
On July 4th, 2010 at 7:58 pm ,
Cory Says:

Hi

Thanks again Bill for your amazing encouragement. It really helps and I sure appreciate your committment to ‘us’. Anne, if you are new to this, as I am, I think that expressing your troubles is a really important first step. I have a lot of people relying on me as well – not in the same way – but, for whatever reason, i have to be the rock for everyone else. That is why stopping drinking is so important for me – otherwise I can see a domino effect and everything around me will crumble if I do. I know that is a lot of pressure, but the few days that I was successful gave me so much strength and resolve to be there for those who need me. I wish you all the best in your struggles – and everyone else out there. So far, so good for me today
On July 5th, 2010 at 9:27 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Good morning Cory and all !! Have a wonderful Monday! Wasn’t it great to blink into wakefulness this morning, take stock of your surroundings, and realize that, apparently, you’ve been given at least one more day to work with, to have a positive impact on someone’s life, to treat, with kindness and respect, someone who perhaps isn’t accustomed to being treated that way? Let’s take this one single day, this grand gift of life, and cherish it. Cory, I hope the remainder of yesterday went allright for you. If so, awesome! If not, turn the page and don’t look back !! Best to all !! -Bill
On July 5th, 2010 at 10:24 am ,
bikehikester Says:

Hello guys and gals,
It’s refreshing to read your posts. Thanks for the inspiring words. Bill you make a day apear the adventure it is, even a Monday. I am almost at two weeks (this Thurs) without alcohol. I believe the hardest part for me is getting the support of friends. Most of my friends drink and I haven’t expressed to them any plans to stop. I spend most of my time outside work alone. Not sure I can bear an AA meeting as I tried that years ago when I stopped drinking for almost a whole year. I respect AA but still hoping there is another option for me.
Corey your thoughts about an alien are helpful. I think of it also as a habit. The repitition feeds on itself so getting in the habit of not drinking could be the key. I have to admit last night surprised me that my mind actually thought of getting a bottle and pouring some out and having 2-3 glasses of wine. I’m still not where I would like to be.
On July 5th, 2010 at 3:46 pm ,
A.J. Says:

I like this articile and I’ve look at alot of websites today but one that I can’t seem to get around is religion. i beleive in god but it seems like every AA meeting wants a person to be christian or chathlic? why is that? Can’t a person just use exercise and/or social ways to stop. If religion is not accepted then no one wants to help.
On July 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Bill S. – dude you are awesome, a breath of fresh air around here. Thank you for “carrying” this thread and offering so much support to everyone here on this page. You deserve to be heard, because you are so unselfish, and obviously just want to help others. That ROCKS. Keep being awesome!
On July 6th, 2010 at 11:45 am ,
Cory Says:

Hi

I am not doing very well. Had a bad night last night and feel awful this morning. Why? I react badly to stress – had an incident with a family member and went right to the wine. That is no excuse, but I am trying to figure myself out. I am really pissed off at myself today, so I hope I can keep mad and keep that horrible beast away. All the best to everyone
On July 6th, 2010 at 8:22 pm ,
Sharon Says:

Something to think about…

A setback means you have made progress ~
Otherwise, how could you have a setback??

Belive it!
On July 6th, 2010 at 10:26 pm ,
cory Says:

Hi everyone

Good insight Sharon – that made me feel better. Everything is going well tonight. The challenges are still there – I have a child diagnosed with Cancer, a father living with us now because he is mentally unstable and can’t live on his own -so I am the 24 hour care- other family members who need me for the ‘regular’ reasons – driving, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc. It seems overwhelming most of the time and that is why I have been drinking – and that is also why I need to stop – too many people need me – not just to do these things but to do them with a positive attitude – I am teaching them how to care for others and my response will be their learned response. I don’t want to leave a dysfunctional legacy for my family. For anyone else out there new to this web-site I would advise reading back over Bill’s responses – when I am feeling weak, they have helped me so much – I know this must be a huge burden on Bill’s back – but I am so grateful for all of his caring, insightful “i’ve been there and beaten it” responses.
On July 6th, 2010 at 11:00 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Yeeeeeaaaa Sharon ! ! ! That is a great point !! And knowing that you’ve made progress at least once, well, you’ve shown yourself that you CAN succeed, that success IS somewhere within you, and you just have to keep getting back up each time you fall, and don’t stop trying to get it right !! I can’t tell you how many times, over a period of many years, I fell, got back up again, fell again, and finally managed to come to the realization (stated profoundly) that: “This sucks.” Cory, YOU are hereby under a directive NOT to beat up on yourself, okay????!!!! And the same goes for anyone else here who may have messed up recently. And the same is going to go for me if I mess up in the days ahead. We are imperfect, we all KNOW that, and we don’t need to be beating up on ourselves to get that message. But we do need to say to ourselves, “Gheesh, this drinkin’ thing is for the friggin’ birds. I’m done. End of career. End of problem.” And then we need to TURN on that slimy little alien beast (who’s sitting there snickering at us, WAY too confident that we’ll never escape his clutches) and say (children leave the room please) “F’ you, you f’ing f’er ! ! !” And give him a good swift kick in the teeth; think of what he’s done to you, how he’s reveled in dragging you down, in bringing out the worst in you! You will be strong again, you will crush him !! Sure, he’s whipped you nearly to a pulp so many times, but you’re NOT going to stay down, you’re going to land one massive, deadly blow, right to his sweet spot, the only blow that’s going to matter, and he’s going to be dead, and gone.
So, okay, here we are, right here, right now, everyone has a clean slate. Let’s go, let’s enjoy how great it feels to be free !! Give it a chance !! Several of my friends here have had some kind words for me. I appreciate that so much. I am exactly like all of you, no better, no smarter, no more “together”, just an average guy who is capable of a lot of bad, but also a lot of good, and who draws enormous amounts of strength from all of you here. Thank you for that! Best to all! (Smile, Cory !! And remember that directive ! ! !) -Bill
On July 7th, 2010 at 4:42 am ,
Claire Says:

THANK YOU!
Bill……….. you are the best!
It is so much better to get aggressive towards the problem. So much time for those few of us who can not drink, social or otherwise, is spent being angry towards ourselves. Some hide, some don’t, but all, it seems have lost the plot as to why they drank, nicely, in the first place. Alleviating pain, trying to focus on pictures bigger than they could see the edges of… most of all I think …… sorry if I’m out of line here… but feeling so alone & struggling to make sense of duty, trying to make ends meet… emotionally & physically.
Some look at ‘problem drinkers’ as weak individuals. They are so wrong. I sense it’s the strength we possess that makes as targets! Hey, need a friend, need advice, need help……….. we’re there..
Sadly there is nobody for us!… we love & care & then beat ourselves up for failing (note: think we’re failing……. so not true to many on the edge).
It is so good to view the bad guy as extraneous.
You would never stay friends with someone who kept hurting you & all you care for…….. so why try to keep up a relationship which you recognise as destructive from experience……….. forgive it & it still takes the heart out of you!
I agree Bill……. this is a real fight.
I haven’t won yet… 2 steps forward 1 step back..
My only claim to ‘positive fame’ is I gave up smoking wihout looking back & recently………… I took myself off some heavy perscription drugs which after a year plus 1/2 I felt was more suppressive than useful.
When I checked the web I discovered I wasn’t the only one who found this drug ‘spirit killing’..Quitiapine.
So pleased I got off it. Feel so much more alive.
This site is excellent & I wish very much success to everyone………. every positive step of the way.. (just let the backward steps be…… just backward!)
LOVE TO YOU ALL,
Be focused & find happiness,
Love Claire xxx
On July 9th, 2010 at 11:44 am ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Just want to say, everyone have a good weekend !! Let’s try our best to simply be at peace with ourselves; we’re all we’ve got. Remember all those years, as children new to the world and just growing up, where we didn’t know what alcohol even was, and we didn’t require it for our taking-in the wonders of all the little things packaged up with each new day? We don’t need it now, either. Anyone mess up and get silly last night? Well, whoopee. The rest of us still love you, we don’t care if you fell, we’ll help you get back up, and turn the page, and start fresh today, and we’ll do it over and over, no matter how many times you fall, because we know you’d do it for us too. Consider the possibility of very quietly, with no drama, no fanfare, just drinking water or tea or maybe soda, today. Get 24 hours in between you and your last drink of alcohol. Get that wedge in between being a drinker and being a non-drinker. Remember the struggle of learning to ride your bike without training wheels? After so many spills and so much discouragement, one day someone gave you a little push, and, for the first time, you got more than one rotation of the pedals going– maybe two or three or four, and although you still may have wiped out a little bit further down the sidewalk, it didn’t matter, because you had experienced how awesome it felt to actually be riding that bike and knowing the sensation of staying upright, moving forward, all by yourself !! And all you could think about was getting up the next day and knowing that sensation again, and taking it a little further… maybe making it all the way down to the middle of the block this time… think of being a non-drinker the same way; don’t be afraid; just let yourself be open to the possibility that, once you sorta get the hang of it, being a non-drinker will fill you with energy and positivity and a renewed awareness and appreciation of the awesome things that surround you every day !! And best of all, you’ll start liking yourself again !! Cory, Claire, Sharon, Pat, A.J., B’ster, Anne, Luis, and everyone, keep smiling, and make the weekend great !! Best, Bill
On July 10th, 2010 at 5:53 pm ,
Jan Says:

One of the hardest things to do is ask for help when you are a health professional. Yes, you will be judged and no your colleagues won’t forget. My drinking habits are the best kept secret. I went from being a teetotaller to habitual drinker during a traumatic time in my life, and I would rather die than ever admit it in public. I am grateful that there is support from faceless people who don’t know who I am. I just need to get over the stressful day blues that often accompanies my homecoming at the end of each day.
On July 11th, 2010 at 2:41 am ,
Lee Says:

Hi,

For those who have stopped, congrats
For those who are stopping, we will succeed.

I’m joining the “stop drinking club”, again :)

I have admitted defeat that I can’t be social drinker. Tried many times and almost fail all. Alcohol is like a horse and I’m not telented to ride it. It will run wild until I fall. Whereas my friend who drink can ride well, when time’s up they will go home and I alone continue drinking till I turn into a joker or devil.
While it could be a blessing too? A non-drinker (ex-drinker) health is better & wallet is thicker than social drinker?

Can’t denied that the alcohol reduce my stress during the beginning of drinking session by numbing my rational mind. But for me, it is package as I will drink more and more until my rational mind completely put to sleep.

Now instead of heading straight for alcohol when I feel stress, I’ll ask myself why I need alcohol? does it really help? and what will happen after the dinking? Eventually it is a “no drink” answer. Supplement it by some activities to divert the stress my head.

For my previous attempts I have been using the day counting method, which in turn I used it as an excuse to drink. (e.g. when I feel stress and wanted to drink, I will compares currently 7 days without a drink and earlier was 6days. So I deserve a drink since I done better.)
Now I just say stop and no day counting. When I feel like drinking, I will start asking myself question as above.

In front of me on my bedroom desk is a can of beer left over from my last drinking. Hope that it’s purpose is for decorative and not for drinking :)

Cheers (Non-alcohol)
On July 11th, 2010 at 4:35 am ,
chris Says:

I am 22 and felt like I should share this.

I was about 18 when I obtained a “fake i.d” and was able to purchase alcohol or enter bars anytime and anywhere I wanted.. life was great then, I had no worries in the world and thought I had everything in control.

That quickly changed when I met a girl during my first month in college. She tragically passed away 5 days after we started dating and this event has literally killed a part inside of me.. This is what triggered me to start drinking heavily, and use alcohol to cover up the sadness I have.

I began using alcohol as a way to cover my pain instead of using it for fun. That was also when I began drinking alone on a regular basis, stopped exercising and crashed my suv which landed me in jail for 3 nights and 1 year probation. In my mind, I believed I would be a drunk forever or just die young.

I basically hit rock bottom at this point and cared about nothing.. All I cared about was the next time I could drink some wine or liquor to forget about everything and put my mind/body at rest. The stress from being on probation and in college on top of being sad led me to enjoy drinking until I would pass out.. it became a regular thing.

On days when I didn’t have a drink, I would get severe anxiety and panic attacks so I drank more to get rid of this. And at the time, I had no idea the panick attacks were alcohol related attacks but looking back now, I know that they were..

I am 22 now, almost done with college and successfully completed probation.. I have always tried teaching myself to look at life from a new perspective but now I’m finally putting the thoughts into action. So about one week ago I quit alcohol cold turkey. I experienced 4-5 days of severe withdrawal that almost put me in the hospital but I decided to get through it on my own.. I found that valerian root herbal helped ease some withdrawal during the day and night.. I’ve also started going to the gym regularly again which is always good.

My head and thoughts are so clear now, I have energy and I’m more motivated to do things. I was numbed by alcohol for so long that I didn’t remember how wonderful life was without it. I know that my body is not all the way back to normal yet but I feel so much better in this short amount of time.

Many people associate drinking with a good time. But for me it basically only triggers negative thoughts about events which I don’t want to think about anymore. I am moving into a new part of my life and want to be physically and mentally stronger than ever. I have finally found the motivation for me to stay on the right path and live a healthy life.

If there is any advice I can give anyone trying to quit.. I would tell them that your mind is a very powerful tool when used correctly. Just remember that YOU are in control of your mind, body and what you put into it. Don’t let anyone or anything control your life. Eat healthy, drink a lot of water, try to break a sweat each day.. When you get through the withdrawal symptoms, you will be surprised at how great things start to feel again.

This is one of the greatest decisions I have ever made in my life.
On July 11th, 2010 at 5:13 am ,
chris Says:

I also have a 7 month old baby to take care of. My baby girl has given me a new appreciation for life.
On July 14th, 2010 at 9:28 am ,
JPVD Says:

Lee and Chris: good luck to you both.

Tonight i went out for pizza with the wife. She asked me if i wanted a glass of wine (she still doesn’t get that i am an ALC-O-HOL-IC; she knows i want to stop but still can’t admit that her husband really has a problem with alcohol). I said ‘no’, because i realy didn’t want one. (I only drink to get drunk; can’t get drunk off one glass of wine).

However I saw a guy drinking a nice cold bottle of beer with his pizza. And man I wanted one; not for the beer mind you.
But i realise what i am longing for, what i am really missing and why i drink is because i truly miss the ‘good times’ of my youth when drining cold beer and pizza was still an acceptable and enjoyable thing to do.

Bottles of red wine and long conversations; warming scotch on wet windy nights; cocktails on a friday after work. All gone.
On July 14th, 2010 at 9:11 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ JPVD – Yes, it is amazing how our brains and our memories can reach back into our past and only pluck out the pleasant experiences that we had with our drug of choice.

And just like you mention, you can catch a whiff of MJ at an outdoor concert, or catch a glimpse of your old favorite drink in a restaurant, and be taken back to those pleasant memories in an instant. It can be sudden, and powerful.

But of course, it is all in what you do with it. Just like in your situation, you processed it, got over it, did not relapse or anything, and you accept it and move on.

Those “perfect little moments” that we had with our drug of choice are far outweighed by the misery they caused us. And in recovery, we can appreciate much finer joy and delight in much more simple and meaningful things.

And we all know this on some level….but like you point out JPVD, that trigger can catch us off guard for a second, and take us back in an instant. So we live and learn and grow stronger. We come to terms with the occasional trigger moment, where we remember the good times. But in my experience it always passes, and quickly. And it is just no big deal if you are seriously pursuing real growth in recovery.

The gifts in recovery today are HUGE compared to those micro-moments of pleasure that I use to get with drinking. I am blessed to be able to keep that in perspective, and see how far I have come, even when I do get the occasional reminder, such as JPVD described.
On July 15th, 2010 at 9:54 am ,
Nina Says:

OK- I have been reading this website for the past couple days and am hesitant to put myself out there, but I think it may help me reach my goals of not drinking. Me and my husband are partners in crime, and have been drinking and smoking together ever since we met. We have been married now for 23 years and both in our 50s. We used to have a lot of fun while drinking… laughing, listening to music, dancing, friends. Now it is just us, wine and the kitchen table-we have become a lot less social and the effects of drinking are getting worse. We are both engineers, although I quit 10 years ago and now have my own business- both very responsible. Have quit several times for days or weeks even months and while pregnant but it never lasts-always stress etc- actually even boredom brings us back to our comfort zone. Now we have not drank for 5 days which is a danger zone and tomorrow is Friday- not good either. We never drink during the day, but when 5:00 comes around the wine starts pouring -we sit at the kitchen table and talk and drink, some times I start putting him down… then have dinner around 8 or 9 and usually I do not remember eating at all- black outs almost every night I try not to take any phone calls or make calls for fear of not remembering them. WE are best friends but
we are sick and tired of being sick and tired and just surviving. We push ourselves so hard during the day- a lot of times because of guilty feelings and working hard seems to prove that I we are not being affected by the wine. We have had successful careers, eat right, exercise – even ran a mini marathon several years ago. We have a 18 year old son that is starting to drink and smoke, even though in his younger years he would throw out the cigarettes and wine. I know we have wasted so much time, money, and life, and wonder what life would been like now if we never drank at all- how could we be so stupid? No one really knows we have this problem except for us and our son.
On July 15th, 2010 at 2:51 pm ,
Katrina Says:

This is a wonderful site. I admire those of you who are sober or at least admitting that you have a problem. This weekend, after going on a binge with some friends (and being off of my antidepressants for a few days), I got really, really scared about my drinking (lots of anxious thoughts and panic). I have a therapist and psychiatrist who know about my drinking (and history of anxiety and depression), though I sometimes minimize it to them. My therapist, who I’ve been seeing for years does basically know how bad it has been, how many crazy and dangerous situations I’ve gotten into, and how I’m lucky to be alive and not have any legal troubles. I did end up losing my job. Since I’ve been unemployed–for months now–it has been much more difficult to keep some form of control over my drinking. The structure of my job used to help a lot–and I did have several months of sobriety (during/after doing an outpatient rehab last summer). A break-up during the holidays and some other life situations triggered a relapse, which I haven’t recovered from. The highest number of days I’ve gone without drinking for the past many months is 5-6. My experience with sobriety before was mixed in that I got in really good shape, lost weight, didn’t have to worry about the bad consequences of drinking. But I felt lonely, bored, flat . . . I went to some AA meetings but didn’t really connect with people, didn’t talk, didn’t get a sponsor. I have an appointment later today with someone who is a detox specialist, who will do an assessment about whether I’ll need any medical help to detox at this point. I know people on this site have mentioned the dangers of doing it alone. Thanks for reading and wish me luck.
On July 15th, 2010 at 10:19 pm ,
bikehikester Says:

Guys thanks for sharing your stories, I am really relating to each of you in some way. I was two weeks sober till last Thursday. Then I drank one martini on Friday. But I got back on track the next day. I’m still toying with the idea of social drinking once in awhile. Tonight is three weeks of no drinking by myself at home. The habitual drinking really concerns me. I found myself at this site tonight because I actually thought about drinking. Like someone said here, it’s the boredom that gets me.
On July 15th, 2010 at 10:34 pm ,
Scott Says:

Like many people here, I am so grateful to have found this site. The article and all the comments have given me starting point. I see myself in many of the comments from people who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. I truly am. I’m tired of the cycle, the misery, and the depression. The “ups” are short-lived, but the “downs” are miserable. I’ve known I have had a problem for years. That hasn’t been hard for me to admit. But today, for the first time in a long time, I decided that I care enough about myself to do something about it. I am determined to break the cycle and stop this madness. Deep down I know that’s really the only choice. Thank you Patrick and thank you everyone else.
On July 16th, 2010 at 1:56 am ,
Leigh Says:

I have been drinking since I was 15. I have had periods in my life where I would go days, weeks and months of no drinking. I do not have a physical addiction to alcohol but when I start I do not want to stop. I am 35 years old. I have heard from other help stop drinking sources that if you figure out why you drink then you will stop. I cannot figure it out. I have separated myself from people that drink but now I am drinking alone. I just want to drink and I don’t know why. I think I finally have hit bottom. I was out at a bar close to my house last night, I ran into a girl I know and a couple of guys she works with. I did not have anything to drink at my house and wanted to keep drinking so I went over to one of the guys houses. He is 10 years younger than me. I think we had sex after I passed out. I had called my exboyfriend at 4am for him to come pick me up. I could not stop his advances but I was so drunk I could not do anything. I am very numb to what has happened and I did not drink today. I have no money to pay for a rehab or counseling so I don’t know really what to do at this point. I am hoping this will make me stop drinking.
On July 16th, 2010 at 9:29 am ,
Scott Says:

Leigh,
I’m no pro, because I too have struggled with this and haven’t really known what to do. But I think we make progress when we are humble and can admit things. Which you did. Please give yourself some credit for your honesty. Yesterday, alone and recovering from a 3-day binge, I vocalized some things out loud, very resolutely – to my inner self, or to God, higher power, whatever. I had a “talk” and I made some admissions. I apologized for beating up my body, and decided that I’m a worthwhile person enough to really get on this and quit being lazy about it, and actually do something about it. Patrick said to reach out for help. This site is a starting point. I’m not sure what next, but I plan to keep that “talk” I had with myself at the forefront of my thoughts, and do everything I can to honor the things I said and committed to. We can do this!
On July 20th, 2010 at 9:43 am ,
JPVD Says:

Hello all. I just want to say good luck to everyone; just being here reading and maybe posting is certainly a step toward slaying the demon.

I was stunned to see it has been a year since i really confronted my drinking; when the ‘functioning’ went out of my ‘functional alcoholism’.

I have had many relapses, but each relapse for a different reason. The reality is that I definitely have had a less drunk year, and it is only getting more and more sober.

I used to count the HOURS (especially from 4:55 onwards!) of non-drinking, and then the days and finally weeks. But I’m now closing in on the magical 90 days straight without a single drink.

It scares me to read of others who quit once for 5 years but returned to the booze.

I will end this by admitting one dark secret that i cannot shake; I like to drink, and always have. I like beer and bars and the clinking of glasses and tasting wine and of course all those great good things that come with it…all the perceived benefits.

This is the hardest thing, is that i don’t really want to stop drinking. In my heart of hearts I want to be a social drinker again. However I fight with myself because I know I can never be again, all those relapses last year prove it.

I can stop drinking for many months, and not miss it; but can i stop forever… can i become a non-drinker?
On July 20th, 2010 at 11:29 am ,
Cory Says:

Hi

I haven’t posted for awhile because I didn’t want to keep repeating my attempts and failures. It has been 3 weeks since my ‘epiphany’ that I was going to become a non-drinker – did well for 3 days and decided that I could drink when I wanted and stop when I wanted – only to find out that I can’t be a social drinker. Like you, JPVD – I enjoy drinking – at least – I enjoy the first drink. I like the feeling of relaxation that envelopes me at the end of a difficult day. The thing is, I can’t stop after that first drink and after 3 failed attempts and being totally pissed off at myself, I feel like I am going to be successful – I would rather give up those 15 minutes of euphoria that always lead to downing an entire bottle – sometimes more — and the miserable next day that follows. I have had 3 ‘successful’ days now and I feel really good again – I like getting up early in the morning and excited about the day. My whole outlook changes when I am not hung-over. My challenge is at the end of the day when I feel like I need to reward myself. That will be my daily challenge and I hope I can succeed another day. I haven’t been able to stop cold-turkey, but I am certainly better than I have been for the last 10 years. I have heard two good pieces of advice that make perfect sense – you can’t get drunk if you don’t drink – and you won’t have to worry about the 10th drink if you don’t have the first. I find re-reading the postings – especially Bill and Patricks’ advice to everyone – really helpful when I am feeling weak so please don’t stop encouraging us – it makes more of a difference than you may realize. Good luck to everyone.
On July 21st, 2010 at 3:40 am ,
nancy Says:

Wow! Just wanted to thank everyone for your posts and sharing so much helpful information. I have stopped drinking now for 3 1/2 months. I can’t believe how much better I feel. I wasn’t a daily drinker but found myself looking for reasons to celebrate or drown my sorrows or just relax a lot and it always invloved alcohol. Sometimes it was okday and other times it was bad:vomitting hangovers that lasted for days, missing work or other commitments, saying and doing things that were hurtful, just being plain crazy the guilt I would feel afterwords was hell as well as the self hatred. So many times I tried to change the way I drank but then my last drunk I blacked out yelled at people got so sick I thought I would die. I just knew something was different and I was done with drinking. I can’t believe the changes that are occuring in my life all for the better. I feel such relieve at never having to go through any of that again. I was worried what people would think and how I would fit in but for now I just say I am on medication which is true one day I hope to be more honest but for now that is what works for me. I have gone to a few AA meetings I just kept trying different ones until I found a fit. Not sure about the whole thing but really wanted to meet some people who don’t drink. Today I went out for lunch with a friend who is a social drinker and I felt fine just glad I am done with it. Thanks for listening.
On July 22nd, 2010 at 4:09 pm ,
Suzy Says:

Hello

I just caught up on all your good posts. This is my 50th day sober and I’m struggling every day. Feel isolated and an alien cause I can’t be around it. I hope I can in future cause it’s hard to find people that do not drink. I guess trying an AA meeting would be a good step, but really not wanting to be dominated by the ’12 steps’ . Wonder if there is a group that doesn’t stress that.
I have been hiding behind the mask of alcohol for so long, that I do not really know who I am anymore. I am finding that its much deeper than alcohol and I used it as an excuse to do some bad things to myself and let others do to me.

There are so many different types of alcoholics on here. I respect and encourage everyone. I especially admire the parents who are quitting for their kids. How wonderful you will have to look back on their childhoods and not feel that guilt and wonder if you gave your all. You were 100% present and connected to setting a good example.
Carpe Diem!
Suzy
On July 25th, 2010 at 1:51 am ,
Camus Says:

Suzy, just so you remember, not being sober is not so great either. I’ve been on both sides; sober for about a year to now… good for a week, not so good for a week. I hate the guilt and drinking never gives me as good of feeling as I think it will. Just remember the reasons you stopped drinking in the first place everytime you have a weak moment or think of myself that’s not doing as well as you, and only wish I could be at the 50 day mark. I know how easy it is to “slip” and think that “just this once I can have a drink”, but it doesn’t work that way for us. So, don’t slip. It’s much easier not to in the first place than to have to deal with the guilt and increased temptation. As far as me, I’m still trying, but failing week after week.
On July 25th, 2010 at 6:04 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hey guys– Cory, Camus, Suzy, Nancy, JPVD, Scott, Leigh, Bike, Katrina, Nina, Chris, Lee, and all !!
I had a gig last night– my first ever “solo” performance, three and a half hours, utilizing backing tracks, and singing and playing my guitar; gosh, I flubbed so many things, and struggled mightily with my increasingly limited vocal range (age !!!) and with the electronic aspects of the setup; I felt so incompetent, though I’ve been playing in bands since 1970, somehow last night it just wasn’t happenin’, and man, did I ever feel like a failure. But a good friend pulled me aside and said, “Hey, just remember, some days you’re the windshield, and some days you’re the bug; you are the recipient of a wonderful gift tonight– the gift of humility, which allows you to get back up again and find ways to do better next time. And you WILL do better next time.” It broke my heart to see some of my friends in recent posts here on this awesome site, in so many words, thinking of themselves as failures. Please don’t worry, guys! We all specialize in imperfection, and all we can do is try to improve each day. None of us here, NONE of us, is a failure. Did you mess up today? Well, okay, tomorrow you will do better !! And before long, you will look back and wonder how it was that alcohol got such a hold on you. You will soon cross that threshhold beyond which the whole concept of drinking becomes nothing more than a dull, faint memory. And you’ll say wow, am I ever glad I got the heck out of that trap !! I have moments periodically too, like many here, when I just think to myself, gheesh I’d love to just get hammered right now. And then I just think, hey Bill, name ONE time where getting hammered truly did something positive for you, or led to something good. I never have an answer for that one. Everyone have a wonderful Sunday evening !! Best, Bill
On July 27th, 2010 at 11:51 am ,
Scarlett Says:

Coming from a family of non-drinkers, I remember with pleasure the 2 glasses of wine I started drinking nightly upon my marriage at the age of 21. They relaxed me after my day at work and made me feel SO sophisticated in our little apartment as I waited for my husband to come home from med school. Already I was drinking alone, a pattern which has continued for 32 years. Now I drink about a bottle and a half of wine nightly. I’ve been reading this website, looking for inspiration to quit. There have been many honest and painful voices here that I can relate to. I’m tired of having to go to the recycling center every couple of weeks, just to get rid of the number of empty bottles in the basement. Please wish me luck kicking out the alien — a vision I really like. I’d like to hate someone else for a change.
On July 27th, 2010 at 4:55 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

YOU GO, Scarlett ! ! ! Just grab that little s**t by the tail and drop-kick him into another area code ! ! Now, don’t be surprised if he tries to find his way back, and be prepared to cut loose with your internal voice with something like, “Screw you, you slimy little ba***rd ! ! !” And kick him again. Eventually you’re gonna win. But no matter how many times he may sneak past you, and you might goof up, keep on kicking him back out, and DON’T give up, and DON’T think you’re a failure when you fall ! ! Erase the chalkboard and start fresh !! Open your mind and your heart and your soul to a wonderful feeling of tranquility, because soon you will have banged that little alien up to the point where he can no longer keep that feeling away from you. Just listen, and quietly wait, and when that feeling comes, trust me, you will know it. And you’ll know you’ve turned the corner, that the alien is dead, that you are free. A wonderful evening to all !! -Bill
On July 29th, 2010 at 3:53 am ,
nancy Says:

Hi everyone. Still staying sober almost 4 months. Feeling nervous because my mom quit around the same time I did as well as my husband. In the beginning my mom was soooo excited just like I was. Now she is talking about maybe being able to have just a glass of wine. I know this wont’ work for me. I tried not to have any attachment to her not drinking but if I was to be honest I am really sad about this. It was so nice to have someone to share the excitement about never drinking again. Anyway just thought I would put this out there any advise….? I think I also feel scared. Any input or advise would help. Thanks.
On July 29th, 2010 at 2:02 pm ,
Suzy Says:

Bill. congrats on the making music again , ripping on the elec. guitar.. nice to accomplish that sober.. and achieve something..takes guts to perform especially sober.. i just finished my first semester sober , writing sober papers , sober presentations. humm.. guess i am going to try some more uncomfortable things that helps build your confidence and face fears. I agree Camus, and Nancy its not worth the torment and temptation of drinking just a little.I am scared too. i wish i were normal about alcohol, but its the devils brew offering only a prison stay. How long does it take to know you are over it and not at risk to drink.. i wonder.. I too need to be around non drinkers… for support.. i dont know any… so Im going to try a womans AA group i think.. keep turning the corner .. peace and freedom to all…
On July 29th, 2010 at 11:53 pm ,
Christian Says:

i have only 3 days sober this is so hard i only drink on thursdays, fridays and saturdays but when i start i cannot stop and when im really drunk i also take cocaine so i can drink more and last all night today is a thursday and its ll:50 at night so its my first party day that im sober but i feel so pissed and damn it this is so hard im only 21 years old and all my friends are in the party mode you know but the alcohol has giving me a lot of problems and i just cant keep living that way but at the same time i want a drink so bad!!! i dont know how to live without alcohol i wanted to quit drugs not alcohol but if i drink i always end up doing cocaine and i never take cocaine when im sober so the real problem is the booze. But what am i going to do without drinking when all i know to do is party and i cant imagine parting without alcohol it must suck at least i wont be able to do it right now help me please
On July 30th, 2010 at 3:24 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Nancy and Suzy, don’t be afraid !!
You’re going to succeed !!
Think about it, guys– really, what’s to be afraid of? “Sober” is such a lousy word for what happens when you become a non-drinker! “FREE” would be a much better word !! And that freedom is REAL, guys, it’s to be enjoyed and relished, and cherished !! And Christian, listen man, I always thought the exact same thing that you just said– that partying without alcohol “must suck” !! But I’m tellin’ ya, if you’re willing to just try a couple of outings with maybe just club soda and a lime, you will be amazed at how smooth, and sharp, and attractive to the ladies, youare, I’m absolutely not kidding !! It’s a sense of pride and peace and well-being that you have to experience to believe it could actually BE !! You’ve got nothing to lose except being a loser– not that you’re a loser, my friend, ’cause you’re NOT, but the path you’re heading down has that word written all over it. So, if you’re willing to listen to my advice, I’d say to myself, “Sure, it’s gonna be hard to do this, but maybe I need to friggin’ do something hard for a change and stop being such a damn wuss.” So… there it is, Christian, there’s your challenge. Try it, and be amazed. -Bill
On July 30th, 2010 at 11:05 pm ,
Cory Says:

Hi everyone

I am so touched by all of your stories and how they reflect my own life. I am especially moved by those of you have been able to be sober – from one day (Christian- I hope that you got through Thursday night!!) to the 50 days, etc. sobers. I havent’ been able to make more than three. I don’t know why. I feel so good after a few days and seem to think that I should reward myself with that glass of wine that turns into 6. It never works and I don’t know why I keep doing that – but I do know that I am in a different mind set because each time I fail,I am more and more ticked off, and more determined to stop this destructive behaviour. It is hard to stop a 20 year habit! Christian I admire you because you are only 21 and already know that you need to make changes. The ‘habits’ you have developed are not that entrenched in your life, even though you feel that they are. I would say that you need to make new friends – find out about healthy clubs – hiking, mountain biking,outdoor sports – you will find that there are a lot of people your age who ‘party’ in a healthy way. People your age want to fit in with a social group, and it seems like the group you now have are not what is best for you. You just have to find them and change your social circle. Your life is still ahead of you and you will be able to contribute so much because of what you have already been through. I have children your age and see what they are going through with their friends, so I hope you are not offended by this ‘bossy’ advice. Bill,I am so thankful that you are on this web-site – your comments have gotten me through so many difficult moments
On July 31st, 2010 at 1:06 am ,
nancy Says:

Hi everyone thanks for your encouraging words. I guess I got scared when I realized that my mom was going to jump ship and not stay sober with me. I didn’t realized that I had made her my main source of support we are very close and I was so happy to share the excitement of being sober together. Bike rides book signings doing things that I never did sober and now I realize I can’t depend on her through this journey. So sad and disappointing.Thanks goodness I had starting going to AA and another support group because I may have joined my mom and starting drinking but instead I reached out to all of you and went to two meetings yesterday and today I am still sober. I have to depend on myself and continue to reach out and meet people. I am sad and scard that my mom and I won’t be as close, but my sobriety is so important to me and I don’t want to disappoint my husband and children. Thanks again for listening. Nancy
On July 31st, 2010 at 7:06 am ,
Lee Says:

Thanks bill and all, for the encouragement.

Have not drink since my last post and are feeling better. There are occasions that I almost went back to drinking but manage to pull through after tough fight inside my mind.

Christian: by not going to party, you did not miss a thing but instead you gain. Like what Cory have said, you can try to change your life style. Your party friends is just a passerby in your life, how long you want to keep them is up to you. When the night come, don’t think of the party but go to bed. Can see that you are a smart person as you realise that something have to be done (I did not when I was around your age).
Do you want to make a change now when you are young or after 10 or 20 years when it’s is much much more difficult? Reading the earlier postings, the experience from others will tell you what you might face if you continue your current life style.

I know it’s hard, but it’s not impossible. And it must be done!!!!!!! Do not give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On August 1st, 2010 at 4:31 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hello friends ! ! Just want to say thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories and personal experiences here, as they help us all to help one another! Had another gig last night. Managed to make it through with a few club sodas with Rose’s lime juice. Sure, the thought of a few frosty Bud Light drafts danced through my head a time or two, but I just focused on how refreshing/hydrating/calorie-free AND good-for-my-breath that club soda was !! After the gig, I stopped at the local Denny’s and got some breakfast, around 1:30 a.m. Let me tell ya, friends, as I sat there with my Lumberjack Slam and coffee, and watched all the drunk people stumble in, I remembered so plainly how that used to be ME, and what a complete roach of a lifestyle it is, and how grateful I am to have finally busted away from it !!! As others here have confided, yes, I used to enjoy getting sloppy, fully aware of how I’d pay for it in the morning, but I was willing to tolerate that pay factor for the sake of the almighty buzz. Now I can see what a series of sad decisions I made, all those years, and how nothing good– not a single good thing– ever flowed from those decisions. Plenty of bad things did, though. I sometimes think that putting the drinking behind us is as easy, or as hard, as we decide to make it. We can say, “Oh my lord, this is gonna be so hard, and I just don’t have the willpower, and I’ll never be able to have fun again, and I won’t be able to function in social situations, and I can’t do without that buzz, I just can’t ! ! !” Or we can say, “Oh, for cryin’ out loud, stop being such a goddamn drama king/queen and get real… gheesh, how hard could this really be??? Do ya wanna continue to trash your health and your relationships and your bank account and your self-esteem, and waste day after precious day trying to regain basic functionality from the night before, damn it?!! Or are you gonna wake the hell up, use the basic common sense you were born with, and close the book on the drinking chapter of your life while you still have some time left??” It’s no mystery, really. Alcohol is as poisonous as gasoline to us, guys. How hard is it to make it thru a day without drinking gasoline? Everyone have a great Sunday evening !! -Bill
On August 1st, 2010 at 11:30 pm ,
JPVD Says:

hello again. First, food on you nancy for taking control of your own recovery.
Christopher, i wish i had your self-understanding when i was your age. no matter what happens, you are in control and aware of what is goingon; many do not have that and drift along until rock-bottom.

as for me, still plodding along one sober day after the other.

I want to relate a little tale. I’m having a tough time at the moment with a relative living on our property. I’m stressed and upset and I realised that as little as 4 weeks ago i would probablyhit the wine.

What’s funny is that until I had that realisation i wasn’t craving the wine. But once i started thinking about it, i found it really difficult to get it out of my mind. I guess this is why the non-drinker stays a non-drinker; if they have never used alcohol as stress relief, well then they never miss it.

I remember quitting smoking was a bit the same. I never thought about smoking until people started talking about smoking!

I never considered the ban on alcohol or tobacco advertising before, but certainly having no reminders in the popular media helps to forget their interference in my life.
In this vein, having a non-drinking partner helps, and NO BOOZE IN THE HOUSE.

good luck all

JPVD.
.
On August 2nd, 2010 at 4:17 pm ,
GJ Says:

I’m sick of myself. I’ve always been a party girl and now it’s completely out of control. My two adult daughters party almost as hard as I do, but are horrified when they see me drunk and out of control. I drink wine everynight, sometimes as much as two bottles. I’m hung over every day and can’t remember what I said or did the night before. I can’t believe the grip this has on me. I never thought I’d turn into an alcoholic but here I am… in all my full blown addiction. This site is going to be my lifeline… because I simply have to stop drinking. I’m pulling everyone down, especially myself and I need to model good behavior or my daughters will go down this hell hole as well. Thank you for being here…
On August 2nd, 2010 at 8:27 pm ,
Steve Says:

I have read every single post on this forum and I am just amazed at all your efforts to stop drinking and appreciate the difficulties associated with that massive endeavor. I myself have quit many times. I know how hard it can be to just stay sober. I myself drank heavily for 30+ years and it ruined and posioned many of my hopes and aspirations, as well as almost killing me. I’m finally now coming up on three years of absolutely no alcohol and drug free. In my initial early recovery/sobriety it was so difficult that I did utilize the “one day at a time” concept, but now I’m taking the approach… and have the complete conviction that I am done drinking for good. I have stopped unsuccessfully quitting for the last time and I am steadfast in the promise to myself that I will never, ever drink again. It is the enemy! I do suffer from PAWS symptoms however, and I do still hear the “Addicted Voice” that continues to haunt me from time to time, but I’m hopeful that with more time of total abstinence I will recover to the point that I no longer suffer from those. First and foremost, I do understand it is progressive, so the thought of any first drink at any time for any reason, does terrify me and must be avoided and never be allowed to touch my lips. I see that some of you have made the same commitment.
I know theres alot of ways at looking at this addiction and hundreds of reasons why we shouldn’t drink. Maybe one of you will write a book. 1001 reasons not to drink. I can think of at least 340… The number of posts on this forum so far…and I just like to say Thanks for all your words of encouragement and describing your struggles with drinking and your desire to stop.
Best of luck and good health to you.
I know I’m not alone.
On August 3rd, 2010 at 12:08 pm ,
Camus Says:

Thanks for your words Steve. It’s encouraging to know that you also tried so many times to quit & still are a success story. I have quit many times, only to think I can have a drink a couple months later & slowly get back to destructive drinking. I took my last drink last Thursday. Putting my 2 & 3 year old at risk was the final straw for me. I never put them in harms way like this before and that scares the crap out of me. My husband came home from work finding me nearly incoherent. I took the kids on a walk and don’t remember most of it. Even the 2 year old still talks of me puking and I don’t remember where or doing it. I knew I was escalating again, but can’t seem to stop until it gets bad. If I came home and found my husband in the state I was, I could never trust him to take care of my children again. It scares me that I could have passed out on the walk with my children or maybe I did briefly. This happened 5 days ago & the thought of drinking again makes me sick. Everytime I’ve quit in the past, it’s been around a couple months that I start having the cravings again. I think it’s because the severity of how serious this is wears off. I forget how damaging it has been for me & think “just one drink”. Often it starts out the first time as “just one drink”, but the next time 2 and so forth. Some of you that have been successful, have you went to AA or had counseling for long term support? I’ve done both in the past (AA required for DUI) & neither are appealing to me. I wish there was something like AA, but not quite as structured of meetings. I fear most what I’ll feel like after one or two months. I don’t want alcohol to ever creep back into my life as it seems to always have done in the past.
On August 4th, 2010 at 12:45 am ,
Christian Says:

8 days sober i started doing meetings and i feel great its still hard but im so proud of myself im completly sober im not even smoking weed which is impressive honestly 8 days is a miracle for me and yeah and bill i know your right because i have had a lot of girls im a real good looking guy i have a preety face i work out everyday and i got game but every girl i had always told me that the only bad thing about me that i was always to wasted sometimes when i was hitting on girls i couldnt even talk they wouldnt understand what i was saying and thats not cool, the girls ive had they always told me a such attractive and awesome guy like you the only bad thing is that your a drunk so yeah i plan on getting twice the girls now, when i go back to the party scene but right now i cant even go to bars in a future i hope i will be able to party sober but right now is not the time because i will be really tempted thanks for the help guys and the support wow im impressed thanks and a lot of sober time for all of us!
On August 4th, 2010 at 12:53 am ,
nancy Says:

Hi Camus. I have been sober for only 4 months so I am no expert. But I could relate to what you said about stopping and then forgetting how bad it was. The only thing that is different for me this time is AA at first I didn’t really like it or feel like I could relate but I just kept going and now I have met some really great people and it is helping me to stay sober. Just thought I would share that with you. My mom and I had quit together and she started again but because I was going to AA I was able to continue staying sober. I too just thinking of my kids. Good luck to you and every AA meeting is different. This website helps and I just keep searching. Thinking of you.
On August 4th, 2010 at 7:05 pm ,
Camus Says:

Thanks Nancy, I went to my first AA meeting today. If nothing else, it gives me some people I can call if I’m feeling weak. It feels good having that support. I still have no temptations to drink, but I know that the temptation will come, and I want to be prepared when it does. Thanks again!
On August 5th, 2010 at 3:16 am ,
nancy Says:

Hi Camus. Funny that we connected because that is what I thought.. at first it was sooo easy no cravings I thought I was so lucky. and bam!!! When my mom decided she didn’t want to do this I really felt like drinking it has hit me pretty hard but I haven’t and that I believe is because of AA which I never thought I would say I even joined a group today and I really respect and admire the people there. I thought I was doing so well but then I realized that it was easy for me to quit because I wasn’t a daily drinker so I didn’t have the physical addiction but holly shit!!! This is hard but I know it will get easier people on this site have done it and so can we. I now believe I am an alcoholic and that is the first step. Thanks. I will be thinking of you and all the best to everyone for sharing all their stories I got some help and insight from every post.
On August 5th, 2010 at 2:39 pm ,
SCD Says:

Hello to all,
What an amazing site this is. I wish I had found this when I was trying to stop drinking alcohol. Come tomorrow, I will be sober for 1 year and 3 months. If you had told me this 2 years ago, I would have said you are off your f’n rocker!!! But alas, I have not had a hangover for a long time, off course I still say stupid shit every now and then, but who doesn’t. The process of actually quitting took me about a year or so, once I realized I had a problem with the stuff. But I am free of the chains, the anxiety, the regrets, the headaches and everything else that comes along with it. I think one of the biggest parts for me was coming to grips with the realization that I can never have another beer!!! Wow!!! I still dream about Sierra Nevada, I love that stuff. But that is all I will do is dream. Once I got past the realization I had a problem, the next step was, how do I kick it? We’ll I went to a “treatment specialist” once a week for about 2 months until I found my insurance would not cover this. I went in there drunk a couple times. Then made a bargain with my wife, that if I ever got totally rocked again, I would go to inpatient treatment. No way I wanted to do that, plus I would have to take out a second mortgage on the house to pay for it..haha. So needless to say, as you all know, I got “rocked” on more than one occasion in the next few months. Then, the real kicker. My wife went on a work trip and left me with our 2 year old daughter for a week and a half. The first week went pretty well (of course I was semi-controlling my drinking). The second weekend, I started drinking on Friday night and never stopped again….I won’t go into all the details. But this landed me in treatment. I bargained for outpatient (5 nights a week for 3 hours a night). I did okay during the week but on the weekends I went back to drinking a few, even though I was taking “antabuse”. I finally got kicked out of treatment for being honest and telling them I was drinking on the weekends? Hmmmm…..go figure. So the next 5 months were a struggle, off a couple days, back to the beer, off a week, back to the beer, off two weeks, back to the beer. Meanwhile I talked the treatment center into letting me back in. I eventually got kicked out again. At this point I did not know what I was going to do. I was stuck in Hell. Someone suggested doing 90 AA meetings in 90 days. So I said, what do I have to lose? I started it, even though the first and second days of it I was still drinking. But by miracle or something, things kicked in and now it is a year and three months later. This is what worked for me. I said I would never go to AA because it was just a bunch of “Losers” but it ended up this is the support I needed at the beginning. I just wanted to say to those who are trying to quit, don’t give up, don’t be scared, stare the beast in the face and don’t worry about what others will think.
Later
SCD
On August 6th, 2010 at 12:05 pm ,
Phil Says:

Patrick, I really like your strategies because they mention a lot of good ideas without even going into the Twelve Steps and AA. I like AA okay and went back just last week to re-commit to the program. But I would like to just go to one meeting a week for awhile and just use it as a support group rather than the complete answer for my sobriety. Thank you for listing many other good ideas, such as exercise, that I think your readers can benefit from.
On August 6th, 2010 at 12:17 pm ,
Phil Says:

Nancy and Camus

I, like you, just recently went to an AA. I have tried AA in the past about 3 times, but each time I dropped out after a few meetings because I wasn’t sure if it was right for me. Lately, I have started gaining more respect and insight into the group, and I think it will help me quite a bit. Give it a chance, pick up some good recovery literature to supplement your readings, and as Patrick says, stopping drinking is about living a full life, not just about recovery. Nancy, I am only a beer drinker, and I only have periods where I drink a lot daily. Only once in my life did I ever have physical problems when I quit, such as intense anxiety, but there is no doubt that I am an alcoholic, and I know that I must abstain completely in order to improve my quality of life. Good luck with your meetings and your long-term recovery.
On August 7th, 2010 at 1:34 am ,
nancy Says:

Hi Phil. Thanks so much for your response I go on this site everyday just checking!! Always searching for answers….I was so afraid of AA I don’t know why I just pictured getting sucked into a cult or changing and dumping all my friends standing on street corners, you get my drift. But I have really met people I respect and like of course like anything there are those I don’t. I can’t believe how different every meeting is depending on demagraphics I guess. I know what you and Patrick or talking about being consumed in recovery and that is what I am afraid of. So I take it with a grain of salt but at the beginning recovery is all consuming anything new is like that I guess. I know I am rambling and having a hard time articulating what I want to say, but thanks for listening and caring. I just wanted to add that when people at AA give you there number it really helped when I called.
On August 7th, 2010 at 3:32 am ,
JPVD Says:

hello all;
just re-reading some previous posts that help me get through some difficult times when i feel like a drink.

i’m having that little voice tell me “come on, it’s been a while. you deserve it!”

as well as ” a few cold beers would be nice watching the football!”

need to be strong
On August 8th, 2010 at 11:24 pm ,
Camus Says:

I agree Nancy, it seems easier to quit initially when you’re not a daily drinker, but it also took me a long time to realize how severe my drinking problem was/is. When I’ve quit in the past, I justify that “I’m sure one drink won’t hurt; I’ve learned my lesson in the past not to overindulge”. Well, I hope I’ve learned my lesson that I have no control over my drinking. I have no control whether “this one” will really be one today or that it will be enough to make me comatose. Anyhow, I haven’t had a drink since the last incident, about 10 days ago, and even went on a campout this weekend that had every alcoholic beverage imaginable. I must say that I’m not as tempted around other people to drink as much as when I’m alone. My husband’s going out of town for a week, and that makes me a bit worried. I plan to go to more AA meetings that week to pull me through. After seeing what everyone has to say here & a bit of my own experiences, that recovery is partially about enjoying life & really living, but also about really doing what needs to be done to pull us through the difficult periods, because we’re going to all have them. For me, that’s going to be spending more time on this website and going to AA whenever possible while my husband is out of town. Wish everyone strength & honestly to ourselves.
On August 9th, 2010 at 10:59 pm ,
K Says:

Thanks for all the comments. Good insight and advice. We’ll see how it goes.
On August 10th, 2010 at 1:11 am ,
LaMer Says:

Found this site 7 hours ago… took until 11 pm to read through all the posts – i’m tired, but need to communicate. i’m a highly functioning after-work wine-only alcoholic and decided this a.m. that i need to stop. i can’t moderate, and i have no control once i start. I usually open a bottle within 10 minutes of arriving home, and proceed to drink until i go to bed, offering the occasional glass to my hub to validate my consumption. despite my being a happy drunk, and a “fun” mama, my husband has begun to occasionally express concern at how much we consume. he has no idea that i drink at least 2X as much as he does (i hide open bottles and chug before going to bed). i had a dream that my teeth exploded out of my head last night. i was spitting out pieces of my ruined teeth, picking through the bloody mess on the ground trying to find all of them. what do exploding teeth have to do with deciding to quit? i’ve no idea, but the gut feeling i woke up with was unmistakeable — i need to stop. i’m teetering on the edge of a very steep precipice.

i feel incredibly good when i don’t drink. i stopped for 30 days when my bro went to rehab last year for raging alcoholism. i did it as a gesture of support, and only told my hub and my best friends. but secretly, i was lying to them. i think i was testing the waters of sobriety. at the end of that month was my wedding anniversary. my husband and i split a bottle of wine, and as he was pouring the wine and i was lifting the glass to my lips, even as the wine was in my mouth and i was swallowing, my (heart?soul?superego?concience?) was protesting against it. in that moment, when i realized that i could choose to stay on my new path forever, i lost faith in myself and chose the easy, less frightening, more familiar way. and deep down was terribly disappointed in myself.

as far as stopping again goes, all i need to remember is that it’s a simple decision. i’m stopping because it’s bad for me, like Clorox (to quote bill s.). also, it isn’t a big deal — this is how i know why: on the drive home on the first day of the month i quit i passed the exit to the grocery where i would buy wine from. i got very anxious… what was i going to do with myself that night without alcohol? the question answered itself within 2 minutes of arriving home. i poured myself a glass of fizzy water w/lemon and proceed to 1) change out of my work clothes, 2) give big hugs to my two little kiddos & my hub, 3) take over cooking dinner so my hub could take a break, 4) catch up on the day w/hub, 5) feed kiddos, 6) start our dinner, 7) eat with the kiddos, 8) clean up the kids send them off to play while we finish eating, 9) do the dishes, 10) clean up the kitchen, 11) give kids bath, 12) put kiddos to bed, 13) fold laundry while watching bad SciFi reruns, 14) pick up the house, 15) get stuff ready for the next day, 16) study for a class i’m taking, 17) go to bed, 18) sleep. i do these things nearly every evening of every day. and to think i honestly didn’t know what i was going to do with myself if i wasn’t drinking!! my children will always be there needing me, drunk or not. my husband will always be there, drunk or not. the dishes/laundry/dusting/yard work will always be there, drunk or not.
that night i didn’t miss the alcohol. and felt amazing the next day.

so it can be done. i just need to communicate to my husband just how very real my inability to control my intake is, and simply stop doing it. i’m planning on attending an aa/12-step meeting every weekday on my way home from work, to help break the habit of getting into a drinking mindset.

to everyone here, my heartfelt thoughts and prayers are for all of us working through/on this.

bill s., i’m so happy you call it a monster, too. it’s all my uncertainties, fears, disappointments, pain, self-hatred, and guilt and because i denied them, refused to give them voice – shut them away in a deep dark place – they mixed in the blackness, and from them was created a demon that now lives in me whispering temptation and beckoning me to poison myself. but i know what it is, and rather than pretend it doesn’t exist, i’m going to look squarely at it, see every fear, uncertainty, disappointment, pain, and i’m going to understand them, embrace them for what they are, and once i’ve accepted them, i’m going to let them go. and with every one that i free myself from the demon will be that much less, until (maybe not completely gone) it’ll be reduced to the point of powerlessness. self discovery — and yes, i’m doing this with a therapist.
On August 10th, 2010 at 3:36 am ,
Paul Says:

I have done it all, been to the detox, rehab – twice, and finally I have come to terms that unless I do something about it, I headed south, and very fast. What started as an occasional beer after work in my mid twenties has grown to be a controling monster – I am now in my early forties. The last seven to eight years have been pure hell for me, my friends and family. The shame, near misses with the law and also two warnings at my work place, have finally made me rethink the worth of the alcohol consumption and I have been dry for about a week.
One thing though, is that I have found that I have a lot of time, especially in the evenings, and I am not sure what to do with myself. I live away from my family and travel a lot. I do get to see them, but even then I would appreciate any creative ideas on what to do with the extra time that is suddenly thrust in my direction as a result of my resolve. I am not saying that I am out of the woods yet, I do know that I am still vulnerable.
On August 10th, 2010 at 10:18 am ,
LaMer Says:

Paul, after drying out my brother started getting up very early, 4:30 am and going to the gym, afterwards an AA meeting at 6 a.m., which used to be the time he would crack his first (of 6) bottles of wine. he goes to bed at 9 p.m. now, where he used to be up until 1 or 2. he and his family plan to do things during the day — going out to breakfast instead of dinner, neighborhood festivals instead of concerts at night, hikes and park visits during the day instead of camping (for the time being).
i’ve only been at it for three days, but i’m working with a similar model. night time is the worst for me. if you travel to regular locations perhaps you could find an early a.m. meeting, as well as a gym you could go to in the evenings, or maybe go for a walk/jog?
i hope this helps. i wish you strength and positivity. cheers.
On August 10th, 2010 at 10:38 am ,
Phil Says:

Hello all, In my early periods of drinking, I would just go out with the guys and tie one on. Starting in my 30s (I am 48 now), I began to have just one or two drinks after work. Over the years however that gradually grew to at least a six pack, and then to 9 to 12 beers a need (when I was binging). This really affected a lot in my life – sleep, ability to relax at work, social life. I am single, and it just seemed to be so easy to just drop by the beer store on my way home from work if I felt any kind of tension or boredom or even happiness – it is a vicious cycle – when I drink one night, it is almost guaranteed that I will drink the next until I finally just take a break. However, soon after I take a break, that first beer always seems to pop up and I am on my way to another binge. I have not drank since I went back to AA on August 1st. I am also doing a lot of Recovery readings and walking at least two miles every night, even thought it is pretty hot here in Tennessee this summer. I feel like I can relate to Camus and Nancy because you are still early in your recovery and having success with AA. I know that sometimes AA seems a little odd, but I know there is one gentleman that goes to the meeting that I am attending – I met him in a meeting back in October, and he was a mess – when I spoke to him again on August 1 – he is approaching 10 months sober. It has worked for him, just like many, many others that continue to go back. Camus, I like the fact that you are planning to go to a lot of AA meetings when your husband is away, and Nancy thanks for your advice about calling the person that gives you their number. I will try that.
On August 10th, 2010 at 10:55 am ,
Phil Says:

Paul:

I think you are right that just finding things to fill up time is a difficult thing to do in early recovery. Here are some suggestions that are meant to be positive and encourage recovery:

Exercising every day (walks at a park or greenway are best)
AA meetings (as many as you feel comfortable doing – I think one of the really good benefits of AA is that it gives people something to do – every day if you want)
Reading (in the early days Recovery Readings are best)
Listening to music
Watching sports (if you like sports)
Cleaning the house/yard
Meditating or yoga (see if there is a yoga class you can join)
Cooking (go buy some new cook books if you want new recipes)
Juicing (go buy a juicer)
At least think about going to church or Celebrate Recovery (there is a real good Celebrate Recovery service where I live – I like it better than Church)
Recovery web sites
Find some movies that you want to rent or go see
Starting a diary

I am sure there are many others – I think hobbies and/or developing new interests are really cool.
On August 10th, 2010 at 8:20 pm ,
nancy Says:

I just recentley read this, I have read so much lately can’t say where I think it might have been an old edition of AA grapevine it really clicked with me so thought I would share. Usually when someone craves a drink or thinks of a drink they picture a nice dress, great music, good friends, a nice beach or bar. Instead think of the drunk not the drink, waking up in puke, not knowing where you are, everyone is pissed off at you, the guilt shame, etc. This really helped me because I always think of the fun I am missing instead of the hell that I sometimes end up in. So now when I think of a drink I think of soda with fresh lemon and lime. Thinking of you all. Nancy
On August 10th, 2010 at 10:30 pm ,
Cory Says:

Hi everyone

I am so thankful for this web-site. I don’t post now very often but get a lot of strength from reading it. I haven’t been successful at quitting, but I am getting better at cutting down. Still not happy with myself though. La Mer – I can relate to your life as I am the same, and I have had the same moments when I have been sober and participated in those great family moments – and have been drunk and done the same on a ‘mechanical’ level. How much we miss when we are not present and sober! My check list has been the following:

If I don’t drink:
1) I will feel way better the next day
2) I won’t have to explain my red eyes
3) I will be able to participate in ‘evening’ activites that I really like but have avoided because I have chosen drinking instead.
4) Most importantly – my teenage children will feel comfortable about inviting their friends over for a movie/popcorn night because they won’t have to be embarrased about their ‘drunk mom’.
5) I will probably lose those extra 20 pounds I have been carrying.
6) I will be able to become the person I was meant to be

When I look at this list, what can be the plusses to drinking? What a ‘no-brainer’! My difficulty is – why do I do it when it is so obvious??

Again, I have to say that Bill – your advice has had the most impact on me. I am struggling but you have struggled too and have conquered the beast. I think that any of us who are in the battle need to hear that we are not doomed, so thank you and please keep encouraging us, it means a lot.
On August 11th, 2010 at 4:31 pm ,
Phil Says:

I have been really interested in this site and the way it discusses AA during early recovery. Comment number 65, posted by Robin, is very insightful I believe. Is anybody else trying to understand the role that AA may play in their recovery? Just wondering because I think it is a really interesting subject. I have decided to commit to going to one AA meeting a week, and I think it will be very beneficial to me. If nothing else, I think that the meetings help you keep your commitment to not drinking, because if I drink then I cannot show up at the meeting and feel clean and honest.
On August 11th, 2010 at 4:58 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Phil – I would agree that accountability is important, but I think there are other ways to get it other than through 12 step programs. For me, my family, friends, and my job all play a role in keeping me accountable. Some of those friendships evolved out of treatment, but none of them strictly evolved out of AA.

I would suggest “whatever works” when it comes to keeping yourself accountable, especially in early recovery. If AA works then I would run with it. If not, find another way to keep yourself in check.

For example, some people thrive on sponsorship, and others find one-on-one therapy sessions help with this stuff too. It all depends on the individual….
On August 11th, 2010 at 5:11 pm ,
Phil Says:

Patrick, thanks for focusing on the accountability part of my message. For instance, sometimes I forget that I owe it to my boss, co-workers, and my clients to be clear-headed at my job. That can be a real motivating factor that I can use in my recovery.
On August 11th, 2010 at 7:10 pm ,
Bill Sheehan Says:

Hello friends! Been a while since I’ve checked in, but all is well and I just wanted to say hi and wish everyone the best! Thank you for your kind words, Cory, not to mention your wisdom. Keep at it, you are truly thinking straight, and you will soon turn that corner, where the non-drinking Cory so overpowers the drinking Cory that you’ll actually say to yourself, “Wow, I just flat-out don’t even think about it any more! I can’t believe how it could have been such a preoccupation for me in the past !!” As to Paul’s well-taken observations about filling those segments of time formerly spent getting sloppy, I would suggest learning to play the guitar. I am certain that in my own case, my interest in that wonderful instrument kept me away from the drugs that were so readily available when I was in college, and has continued to be a daily source of peace and fun and learning. Yes, I did manage to evolve into quite the beer drinker between college and middle age, but I have no doubt that I’d have been far worse, and probably a druggie too, if not for the musical journey. Plus, the guitar is portable– perfect for the travelin’ guy or gal. And the basics are NOT difficult, once somebody sits you down and shows you! A grande evening to all !! Keep trying, don’t give up, no matter how many times you fall, no matter how hard you fall. I think it was Mother Teresa who said, “We’re not called to be successful; we’re called to be faithful.” Just stay determined, stay pissed off at that slimy little fella that wants to see you go down in flames, and don’t hesitate to tell him to go screw himself (pardon my French). Pat’s thoughts about living with a sense of gratitude are so right on !! Every single moment of every day, be thankful for all the good things you’ve been blessed with, for all the good you’re given the opportunity to do for others !! I think when that is our focus (simple gratitude for just waking up every new morning), it’s so much easier to turn that no-more-alcohol corner. Talk to you guys later !! -Bill
On August 11th, 2010 at 10:29 pm ,
LaMer Says:

I’ve actually been attending a Serenity 12-step group, and boy do they keep me honest. it also keeps me grounded and provides a wonderful reality check. it’s hard to use the same old justifications/excuses/explanations when everyone there has used them, too. people there aren’t letting me get away with downplaying my inability to control myself. it’s refreshing.
in the meantime, it’s going on 5 days for me and i wanted to share what it’s been like…… i’m tired. emotionally, mentally, physically. emotionally, because i left this website open and my hub read my entry while i was at work. he didn’t realize at first it was me, but recognized the family life description as well as the ocean reference. i hadn’t told him yet about the bottle hiding, and there was a pretty serious conversation that night. i’ll never hide the truth from him like that again. the stunned look on his face, and the pain… i’ll never be able to take it back, but i can certainly make sure i never do it again. Mentally because i’m having to think about how i lied to my husband/myself/family, figure out why i want to drink the moment i get home, how to revamp early evening so it’s not so frenetic, and what the heck to all these crazy super vivid dreams mean (no more exploding teeth, tho). Physically because being mentally and emotionally exhausted carries over into physical tiredness… for me it does, anyway.

i’m finding that i don’t really want to drink. i think about it, and the demon tries to convince me that i truly want it and can manage it. but when i actually try to imagine putting a glass to my lips and taking it in… no way. i’m repulsed. blehhh! i think that’s the little voice in me that’s always known i’ve needed to knock it off. anyway, i’m tired, i think my body/brain is learing how to have a good time without being drunk. it will be nice when it’s not on my mind anymore.
therapy is definitely helping. i highly recommend it to anyone that can get it. it’s really hard to have breakthroughs, but they’re so necessary for healing. oh, one more thing about the whole 12-step thing… i think provides a framework for people to get to the point where they can truly forgive themselves. it seems like that is so often why people can’t stop, or why it takes them so long to stop. at least that’s what i’ve been getting from the meetings.
okay, goodnight all.
On August 12th, 2010 at 1:28 am ,
Camus Says:

Hello all. I’ve been thinking about a lot of the recent comments related to “why do I drink” subject. I know for me, I don’t have any time to myself. I’m either working in a very intense job or taking care of two children under 4. I don’t have any down time, so that’s where alcohol comes in. It numbs me from the environment somewhat. Now, that I’m not drinking (2 weeks now), I tell my husband that I need some quiet time so I have a chance to recenter myself, relax or do whatever it is I need to do. I have learned to ask for what I need. I like Nancy’s idea of thinking of something else, like puking, rather than the pleasure alcohol gives us. Great idea. Keep it up everybody.
On August 12th, 2010 at 4:05 am ,
SCD Says:

Hello again,
I don’t know why I am reading this website? I guess I need to be reminded every now and then that I have this problem and it does not go away. I have been without a drink for 1 year and 3 months. I really like this support site.

In my early recovery there were a couple tools which helped me stay sober and get out of the funk. One was attending AA meetings. There is not anything mandatory about AA. You take what you want/need and leave what you don’t. It is tailored to each person and their approach to remaining sober. Each AA meeting can be totally different depending on the people who attend so don’t be afraid to go to different meeting sites. In the first 90 days of my sobriety, I think I attended like 15 different meeting locations. The more people you hear from the more information you will gain. I believe the key to beating this little devil is to arm yourself with as much information as possible. Another tool was a book somebody at an AA meeting gave me. It is called “Living Sober”. I think you can get it at most AA meetings that sell the literature. It is a great reference and has lots of good tips for “Living Sober.” Like I said in my first post, I have not been to an AA meeting in 3 months, it was just instrumental to me in my early recovery. Another good book I picked up when I was in early on in the process was “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” Really, just a great book for anybody but especially us alcoholics.

One other thing I have gradually learned about myself since being sober is that I used to always say I could just have one or two. But now I realize I didn’t really just want one or two, what was the point of that? I wanted 6 or 10 or maybe more. I was lying to myself.
Later
Steve
On August 12th, 2010 at 8:53 am ,
Claire Says:

Wow!
This is so weird!!

Since previous post managed, at last, 28 days straight. The weird part is, having read through so many posts, the ‘so resl’ connections made to others posting on this site! Like totally get the way ‘functioning’ before has now become a matter of ‘how did I do anything when so spaced out?’.

PAWS is becoming obvious but worse is the little demon voice which, although smaller in volume, is just as bad.
(1) just one won’t hurt after all this time abstaining
(2) a little will make the headaches go away
(3) you can at last just have a drink to relax
All the above (& even more excuses that pop up spasmodically) are B***S**t.

Having made it this far for the first time in living memory now also really understand the ‘fear’ that so many have of just losing it all again. Have even had nightmares on those lines where I accidentally started again.

Thanks to everyone for posting here. This is really helpful to help not feeling so isolated & alone in a struggle which although appears personal is shared by so many of us & understood by so few.

I wish everyone success & the strength to stay away from the demon & the harm that ensues.

Claire xxx
On August 12th, 2010 at 8:55 am ,
Phil Says:

Hello everybody,

I really appreciate some of the great messages from those who have maintained their sobriety – Bill and SCD. Bill, learning to play the guitar as a way to fill up the time during sobriety – what a great idea. SCD I really like your approach to AA (weaning off of it) as well as your advice on the Recovery literature. Camus, congrats on two weeks, I am right behind you with 11 days. I really relate to how you have been numbing yourself with alcohol because you don’t have any down time. My daily drinking escalated when I was working full time and going to school part time. I would get home about 8:00 each night, just feeling like I had survived another day, and I would drink as a quick fix to relax. During that period, which actually went on for about five years, I just forgot about all of the things that I used to enjoy. So I think you have a great approach, just letting your husband realize you need some down time to relax. Glad to hear you are doing better. And LaMer, I have also had the dream where my teeth disintegrate, so you are not alone.

Thank you.
On August 12th, 2010 at 12:30 pm ,
LaMer Says:

cory, camus, phil, i was just talking to my hub last night about down-time. my comment to him was that it’s not that i needed the alcohol, it was the process of arriving home, going into the kitchen, TURNING MY BACK ON EVERYTHING both literally (kids, hub, dishes, clutter, noise) and figuratively (work stress, class pressure) while i opened a bottle of wine, poured a glass, and downed it — just to get a few moments of mental down-time.
and just like you, i drank the most when i’m the busiest with my career, school, volunteering. i’ve always asked for 10 minutes to myself when i get home, but until this week, i never took them without a glass of wine in hand, nor did i really go sit down and just mentally chill out. i’ve found that when i go into the bedroom, close the door and just sit, breathe, change out of work clothes into really fugly comfy clothes (you know, the ones you’d never wear out of the backyard or even the house), and check this website, i don’t want the wine. i don’t need to drink.
and i’m so thankful and grateful for it.
On August 12th, 2010 at 12:57 pm ,
LaMer Says:

one last thing: PAWS (post acute withdrawl syndrome). there’s a good website on it:

http://digital-dharma.net/addiction/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-why-we-dont-get-better-immediately/

i think this is why i’m so tired. grieving and body/brain recovery. i wish my therapist wasn’t on vacation…
On August 12th, 2010 at 1:02 pm ,
Phil Says:

LaMer, I just had to comment again after I read your message. Wow, you are really doing well! KEEP IT UP! Sometimes when things get frantic, I remember some of the little slogans that are in the Recovery literature, like “Easy does it,” First things first,” “Keep it simple.” They are sorta cliche but helpful nonetheless.
On August 12th, 2010 at 4:36 pm ,
Claire Says:

LaMer,The following is an extract from the PAWS link:-

Abstinence

Recovery from the damage caused by our addictions requires total abstinence. Abstinence means avoiding drugs and alcohol completely, unless we are under the care of a physician who understands both addictive disease and pharmacology. This specifically includes herbal remedies which, in many cases, are just as powerful and dangerous as prescription drugs.

? Please can you or anyone clarify if the reference to ‘herbal remedies’ includes ‘St Johns Wort’?

p.s. Thank you for your posts which I totally relate to. Good Luck in continuing transformation!
On August 12th, 2010 at 5:31 pm ,
Camus Says:

It’s a hot afternoon, and I’m going to make myself a refreshing beverage. Two weeks ago from today, I made myself a toxic margarita. Today, it’s going to be my new fav refreshing beverage of 1/2 tonic water, 1/2 soda water with a squeeze of lemon, over ice. It’s good, try it. Tomorrow early am, my husband leaves for a week. I wrote earlier that it’s a scary time for me. I’m afraid of the little demon saying “c’mon, no one will know if you have a drink now.” That’s what usually happens. The good thing is I’m feeling stronger than I have in a very long time. I know I can do this. For those of you who are frustrated because you’ve tried so many times before & keep on going back to drinking, I have been the same way. I know I’ve only been sober for two weeks, but it feels different this time. I’m doing things differently this time, because what I’ve done in the past hasn’t worked for me (I just stopped without any support, outreach, AA etc). If I fail this time, I’ll change it up again next time. Don’t keep doing what doesn’t work. I have no intentions of failing. Cheers to all of you. Gotta go make my refreshing beverage now!
On August 12th, 2010 at 11:50 pm ,
LaMer Says:

thanks claire and phil. i’m really trying. staying focused and sane i think is the key. i have to remember that listening to that little voice that says, “well, how about you try it again after two weeks, at that party you’ve been invited to?” would be my undoing. this website is such a huge part of keeping grounded and aware of all the ways the inner demon can trick and distract me. everyone here is helping me keep my eyes on the prize!

camus, i’m in a similar situation, my husband works out of town for three days a week; he leaves this weekend. i’m a bit nervous, but pretty confident i’ll be okay. i did after all start this while he was gone last week. also, i like the new bev recipe! i’ve never considered tonic water, ususally it’s just fizzy water and lemon. must try your version.

today’s update: tonight i went to a work party. it was in a park, everyone brought their families along, and in addition to bringing our kiddos, we also brought O’Douls and lemon. i’ve never been a fan of alcohol-full beer, i always got too full to get a real drunk on, besides it makes me burp, and, um, it’s hard to be tipsy and sexy when you’re burping in your hub’s ear. (tmi?) anyway, i like “fake” beer. it didn’t feel awkward or funny, we just cut up the lemon, dropped it in and proceeded to imbibe. it was lovely.

thank you God for another clean day.
and thank you everyone here for your posts that help make it possible. have a good night.
On August 13th, 2010 at 3:56 am ,
nancy Says:

Hi friends. Just reading the latest posts they mean so much to me. Don’t have much to say except thank you to all of you. Feeling a litte tired and overwhelmed but SOBER!!!Goodnight to all…
On August 13th, 2010 at 8:59 am ,
Phil Says:

My beverage of choice lately has been juice. I have a juicer, and I usually like one apple, one orange, one-half grapefruit and sometimes some carrots. The whole process of cutting the fruit, adding the ice and a little water, slowly drinking the juice, and then cleaning the juicer just seems so healthy and refreshing.

I have also tried quitting many times on my own without changing much in my life. One time I made it about four months after a terrible binge when I was unemployed that left me scared to death and a nervous wreck. Typically I would just make it three days or maybe two weeks before my alcoholic mind would play that trick on me and try to convince me that just one drink won’t hurt. I have never hit a true rock bottom, but I have hit a lot of gravelly bottoms.

I guess I sort of feel like a cat that just lived his eighth life. I am really ready to improve my quality of life this time and not let drinking continue to take me down.

I also think that this time will be better. I have tried to learn some things each time I quit, and now I am hoping that my patience and persistence will prevail. Thank you everybody and have a sober, relaxing weekend.
On August 13th, 2010 at 10:18 am ,
Claire Says:

Phil

I am doing this totally on my own but after many previous attempts I can see that this could well be my last chance too. If I trip up this time & regress too far I know I won’t make it back next time. This very thought scares me enough to stay on the path, no matter how rocky it gets!

Good Luck with your endeavours & I look forward to getting a jucier & trying out your recipe… sounds like fun!

A magic & fun weekend to all on this site.

Claire x
On August 13th, 2010 at 11:09 am ,
Phil Says:

Hi Claire, thanks for checking in. I think fear can be a strong motivator, but there is always hope for making it back if you mess up. I guess for me, after so many times of trying to stay sober and not really succeeding over the long term, I need to keep pushing harder. Or else, at some point, something really bad will happen (2nd DUI, health problems, car crash, lose my job), and I cant’t take that chance. I am glad you thought my recipe sounded appealing. By the way, from what I understand St.John’s Wort is not considered addictive, and I don’t think it is very potent. I tried it a few times as a mood elevator, and I didn’t feel anything. Take care!
On August 14th, 2010 at 11:48 am ,
JPVD Says:

Speaking of alcohol-free refreshing drinks; I stocked my beer fridge with so many different cans of soda that it blew my young nephew’s mind last bbq! He probably never saw such a selection since a gas station. I was very (inwardly) proud that i had a beer fridge full of soft-drinks and not booze; nothing to hide/feel shame in front of my parents and brother-in-law.

I’m writing this because i was struck by LaMer’s statement about ‘chugging’ down wine before going to bed. I too did this, and often wondered…”why?” My logic was that i was drinking to unwind/relax yet what is the point of guzzling down a 1/2-3/4 full glass of red wine immediately prior to going to bed? Obviously I wasn’t drinking to relax, but some twisted self-medication. Like the old ‘Calgon, take me AWAYYYY!’

Anyway, I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately and depressed about things and suddenly I realised that I have no new problems. Only the same old ones made clear because I haven’t escaped to the wonderfully fuzzy world of red-wine.

Prior to giving up I honestly thought I would regain some motivation and optimism in my life; but this hasn’t happened. However, I am happy to be sober and clear-headed and ready to take-on these issues; no more hiding in a bottle.

good luck to everyone. It drives me crazy to see all the support and good-wishes for people trying to quit smoking or cut-down on their weight; but nothing but derision for the person whose vice is the drink.
On August 14th, 2010 at 2:39 pm ,
LaMer Says:

last night the fam and i went over to friends’ house. we toook n/a wine. i’ve decied that na wine is just a little too much like the real thing for me. I started craving, not too badly, but enough to remind me that i’m just starting this and that i’m nowhere close to being out of the woods. think I’ll be sticking to the n/a beer. otherwise, it was a lovely time, and it looks like I made it through okay.
in the meantime, i’m still crazy tired, and a wee bit funky (down), most likely a PAWS thing. my body needs to recover and re-equilibrate. on the positive side, i remember a time when i had lots of energy and i’m sure i’ll get it back. the kiddos keep me busy, and it looks like i have a solid two days of cleaning ahead of me to keep me out of trouble!
JPVD, i think you’re right about the chugging thing… that was one of the things that always nagged at me when i tried to slow down or moderate, why i always chugged before bed. was it to keep my brain from running on and on and on, or to keep me asleep once i got there? anxiety? family emotional baggage? something like that, i’m sure, hence the getting of a therapist.
oh thank goodness, the sun is finally coming out! i feel myself perking up and getting motivated to tackle my to-do list. have a great saturday everyone, stay positive, stay focused, stay committed. we not only can do it, WE ARE. we’re taking charge/control/responsibility of and for ourselves. isn’t it amazing and wonderful?
On August 14th, 2010 at 4:23 pm ,
Dave Says:

I’m new here and am stopping my drinking today. I found this site and wanted to thank you all for posting the positive words. Well, here I go on my journey without alcohol. I’m tired of hiding from others by drinking and wasting all of my time.

We are all better than this and I want more out of life than this.
On August 14th, 2010 at 4:35 pm ,
Camus Says:

LaMer & JPVD, I was also a pre bed wine chugger & not sure why either. It seemed like a waste at the time, and now it all seems like a waste.
For those of you who are sober, but still down, have you thought of taking up running or cycling. You can even enter a “fun run” (walking or running). It really gives a sense of accomplishment & increases your mental and physical strength. You don’t have to be in great shape to do it. For me, running keeps me centered. Now that I’m not drinking, I feel more centered than I’ve been in a very long time. In my opinion treadmills don’t work for this. You have to get outside and feel, think and be in the environment.
On August 14th, 2010 at 4:48 pm ,
Patrick Says:

@ Camus – Definitely agree with you on the exercise suggestion, as that has been a huge key for me. Recently I have focused on increasing distance and this morning I ran 17 miles continuous. That is definitely the furthest I have gone.

Obviously, exercise is not a requirement for recovery. I stayed sober for years without it. But that does not mean that exercise cannot be a hugely important part of recovery (especially long term sobriety).

Exercise is probably not a perfect fit for every recovering alcoholic. But many who are capable of achieving fitness simply ignore the idea out of laziness. If you are healthy enough to exercise in recovery, then you should at least experiment with it enough to see how much it benefits you. (Special note: I had to engage in vigorous exercise for months and months before I really “broke through” and started thriving on it….)
On August 15th, 2010 at 7:44 am ,
Ainslie Says:

I’m putting this comment down and thinking it is not typical of most, I’ve been searching the net, and reading this site looking for someone who has a similar relationship to drink that i think i do. I can’t seem to find any. I want to stop drinking, but not because i feel drink is ruining my life. this screams of denial, I’m open to this suggestion, but i don’t think it’s true. I’m 31 years old and i don’t drink alot, i’d guess I’d avarage about 8 drinks a week, often I’ll drink two glasses of wine with a friend with a meal, i can have just one or two drink’s, and not through great effort, after a couple i genuineley want to just go home to bed. I don’t binge drink, suffer black outs, or habitually drink regularly. I often go five or so days without a drink, i don’t feel like my drinking is out of control in any way. Then why am i here? I’m not sure i have the answer to this, I’m curiuos. Reading some peoples struggle and stories I feel like a bit of a charlatan even being here. I’ve not had a drop for ten days. This is the part that doesn’t add up to me; It has been challenging, to say to myself “no more booze ever” gives rise to another voice in response that says “oh no, i can’t stop drinking, what about this party and that party and drinking wine with that lover, and looking at the stars, camping, drinking whiskey with that friend.” I am often involved with an inner dialogue, almost like two voices, one that say’s- “let’s buy a bottle of wine tonight, it’s not a big deal”,and another that say’s “I don’t want to drink tonight, i want to be clear, go to bed with my own mind, fresh and thinking, and wake up tomorrow with no foggy hangover” even this ‘controlled’ drinking is draining in its way. It’s like part of me senses that there is another, more satisfying, richer way of living and that giving up drinking entireley would be a way of moving towards it.
On August 15th, 2010 at 1:59 pm ,
LaMer Says:

ainslie, here’s a website i found back when i stopped for a month, thinking – telling – myself that i was doing it in silent support of my bro. i think you may find it interesting and that it provides a perspective you may appreciate/relate to.

http://30sleeps.com/blog/2007/12/07/how-to-quit-drinking-alcohol/

i can relate to what you say in your post. i had inner dialogues constantly when it came to drinking. it was when i began to always choose alcohol over being sober in the evening, and using it to quiet the little voice inside me that questioned what i was doing that i think i crossed the line from casual imbiber to habitual user/addict. i know that drinking is simply not good for me in so many ways and on so many levels. i also know that by not drinking i’m better able to focus on myself. it sounds selfish, and it is. but without introspection and personal growth, how can i have a better relationship with my spouse, children, family, God, career, volunteer, and vice-versa.
this past week has had so many little moments of clarity and wonder with my children and my hub. simple little things, roses, birdsong, stars, fog, smiles, feelings, thoughts. it’s been a struggle, but the increasing clarity that i know i’ll get back far FAR outweighs what a bottle of wine will give me for a few hours (happy buzz, then lots of cigarette smoking, nearing the end of the bottle, inner turmoil as to whether to open another, or frustration/anxiety if there isn’t another one, opening the second bottle whilst trying to ignore my inner compass’ objections, drinking heavily to shut up the little voice, more cigarette smoking to try to knock the anxiety from doing something i know is fundamentally wrong – poisoning myself, and it goes on and on and on ending with regret, disappointment, and guilt the next morning). it’s a soul-eroding treadmill i stayed on for way too long. the rosé-tinted mental fog i viewed life through every evening are gone. i have to face my pains, disappointments, past regrets, family dysfunction going back generations, guilt, mistakes full on with no softening, no buffer.
i wouldn’t have it any other way.

ainslie, i’m not saying that you’re going to end up with a problem. all i know is that i did because i tried to quash that inner voice. i spent years feeling bad about myself for my efforts. i commend you on your decision and would be interested to hear about your experiences. i wish you all the best.
On August 16th, 2010 at 4:21 am ,
Roberto G Says:

I have been sober for almost a year in a half and it has been hard but worthy . I am an alcoholic and for at least a few years I had control over my drinking ,but the story with us the Alcoholics is pretty much always the same “eventually we lose control ” and we lose it all!!!at the end it was a total dependecy and it wasn’t fun no more but it quickly became a need to keep drinking ,and I totally lost control over it ,lost my job ,my self steem and would binge drink up to 3 weeks in a row ,my family took away my money ,my keys , you name it and I had to go out and look for other people who drink so I could get high ,,,it was a total nightmare…. I was very close to lose my family ,,eventually I stopped cold turkey and the games began with the DT’s oh my god I was done.!!!!!.I got them pretty bad for nights and I wasn’t able to sleep, the constant fear and cravings were terrible…Eventually I started going to AA meetings for a while and it helped me a lot to understand the problem…but the 12 steps programs didn’t work for me ,but going to the meeting s for a while helped me to open my eyes and kinda helped me to look myself in the mirror through other people experiences , and finally to start being a little honest to myself for once , and that is what I have been doing all this time ,trying to be honest and trying to help others who want to quit and not by setting myself as an example but, by just telling them what happened to me and what I used to do when I drink all the time, and what I am doing now that I am sober ,this is the path that is working for me and that’s what I do ,I am sober just for today and I don’t care about tomorrow ’cause I may not be around as simple as that, tomorrow will have its own problems ,all I have to do is t