How to Stop Drinking
Far too often, the traditional wisdom for how to stop drinking is plagued with useless relapse prevention tactics that try to pinpoint our problems and triggers in helping us to prevent relapse. My experience has shown this to be ineffective.
Better than tactics for recovery are strategies. Strategy is more useful because it is more encompassing and can affect larger areas of our lives, in such a way that we can affect massive change. Using tactics is more short term and leads to smaller, more incremental changes. In addiction recovery, we need massive change. We need to change everything. Strategies are the way to do that, because they give a broader sense of guidance for all of our actions and decisions.
* Click here to see the visual guide *
Strategy #1: Take massive action. If nothing changes, nothing changes. The scope of what you are trying to do (quitting drinking) is truly massive. You are trying to change your whole life. This takes a huge effort. Do not underestimate it. Go big or go home.
Strategy #2: Blast through your denial. See your drinking for the crutch that it really is. Honestly see how it controls you and dominates you, even though you “enjoy” it. Measure your time spent being “happy” while drinking, and notice that you are almost always miserable, but hanging on to happy memories of drinking.
Strategy #3: Seek professional help. Alcohol detox can be dangerous. There are huge benefits to inpatient treatment. Seeing a counselor or therapist can be a turning a point. Getting any form of help is action, which is always good.
Strategy #4: Build real self esteem. This is the strongest form of relapse prevention: if you truly value your life, you will not throw it away on a relapse. Take care of yourself. Push yourself to grow. Help others.
Strategy #5: Pursue holistic health. Recovery is about living healthier. Extend this in new directions to enhance your recovery from addiction. Quit smoking, start exercising, make nutritional changes. Seek emotional balance. Etc.
Strategy #6: Create a new life. You have surplus time and energy now that you are in recovery. How will you use this surplus? Find outlets that match your talents and strengths, while allowing you to help others and create real value in life. Experience growth.
Strategy #7: Seek balance as you progress. Watch out for extremism. Recovery is about living, not about recovery. Balance growth and acceptance. Stay active in pursuing new things. Stay open to growth opportunities.
Strategy #8: Push yourself to grow. Do not get lazy in recovery. Do not justify laziness with self acceptance. Do not close the door on self examination. If you stop growing, you relapse.
Strategy #9: Get physical. Fitness is huge in recovery. Most people disregard fitness due to inherent laziness. Push yourself to exercise regularly and reap huge benefits. Some recovery programs are based on exercise alone–that is how powerful it is.
Strategy #10: Embrace gratitude. If you are truly grateful, relapse is impossible. Gratitude is the mindset for learning and growth experiences. Practicing gratitude enhances recovery and leads to more learning and thus more growth.
Strategy #11: Avoid complacency. Our natural state is to be drinking. Therefore, we have to keep pushing in order to avoid reverting to our natural state. We can only do this through the push for personal growth. Seeking holistic health gives us a broad platform for growth experiences.
Strategy #12: Explore a new vision. Take action first, then reflect on how it has helped your recovery. Seek growth based on your strengths. See how you can use this to help others. Start becoming the person you were always meant to be.
Strategy #13: Discover your purpose. Your vision made real. Helping others in a profound way based on the personal growth you have experienced. Achieving dreams that you once thought were blocked forever by your drinking. True contentment and joy.
Stop drinking today….how many reasons do you need?
As a recovering alcoholic, I know that this is a difficult decision. Even though there were a million reasons for me to stop drinking, I had a million reasons why I should continue. These reasons of mine to continue drinking were because of something called perceived benefits.
The tricky thing is that there are some real benefits to drinking alcohol for most of the adult population. But for the true alcoholic, those benefits are largely illusory, and become less and less valid as their disease progresses.
In other words, an alcoholic might cling to the “benefits” of drinking, rationalizing that these are important reasons for them to continue to self medicate, but in reality those reasons are no longer valid, and they are just fooling themselves. This is called denial.
The perceived benefits of drinking
The perceived benefits of drinking will be a bit different for different people. Just to give you an idea, here is what I thought alcohol was doing for me:
1) Fixed my shyness – Before I started drinking, I was naturally shy and found it difficult to speak in groups larger than 2 or 3 people without any anxiety. Alcohol fixed this. The problem is that, even though alcohol fixed this, it was not a viable long-term solution to the anxiety problem. This is because my tolerance increased and I had to drink more and more in order to overcome my shyness. Eventually it stopped working altogether, and I would remain shy even in a complete blackout. But I stubbornly clung to the idea that I had to drink in order for this personality flaw to be corrected.
2) Celebration and passion for living - I believed that life was a party, and that you were not celebrating life unless you were living it up and getting wasted every day. Somehow I believed that the only way to live passionately was to drink heavily. These ideas were obviously from the “good old days” when drinking was still fun, and hanging onto this illusion was just another part of my denial.
3) Drinking = happy – I truly believed that the only way that I could be happy in this life was to be drunk. This was a twisted mindset. I really looked down on other people who didn’t drink and pitied them that they were not able to “get happy” like I was. The truth of the matter was that I was miserable for 99% of the time, and it was a rare moment when I could find the right level of toxicity where I could even claim to be “happy” in my drunken stupor.
So these were my main “benefits” of drinking. I call them perceived benefits because this is what I truly believed, but looking back we can see that I was in denial about my drinking and therefore I was only fooling myself. These benefits were illusions that I clung to; they were actually false 99 percent of the time.
The denial exists because alcohol used to work as described. At one time, these perceived benefits were real, and my life was not screwed up yet from excessive drinking. In other words, there were some good times that I had with drinking, and my mind stubbornly clung to those ideas. This is just one mechanism of denial. All of these perceived benefits became false as my alcoholism continued to progress, but my denial kept me from seeing the truth.
When you really analyze the perceived benefits of drinking, it almost looks like a belief system. I had established the idea firmly in my head that alcohol was wonderful and those who did not drink it were missing out in life in a big way. I really believed this. Not only that, but I believed it at a very deep level and it had become part of who I was.
So in spite of these perceived benefits, eventually we have to see the illusions for what they are and break through our denial. It is only then that we can have any hope at even caring about a reason to stop drinking in the first place.
But once we become the slightest bit open to the idea, the tide can turn, and we can start to get excited about a sober life again:
Reasons to stop drinking
We can separate the logical reasons to stop drinking into these broad categories:
1) Longevity of life
2) Quality of life
Pretty basic, right? Alcoholism can affect how long you live, and also the quality of your life. So let’s take them one at a time:
Quitting drinking and your lifespan
Obviously, if you are an alcoholic, then quitting drinking will greatly increase your potential lifespan. But by how much?
To answer that question, we have to look at some statistics. I’ll spare you the charts and data and summarize it for you: most alcoholics die about 15 to 20 years earlier than their peers.
Now the question is: “How much is 15 to 20 years of your life worth to you?” This question is actually fairly deep and complicated, because the answer can change so drastically depending on your state of mind.
For example, a miserable drunk will usually brush the question off entirely, waving his hand and saying “whatever. Take me right now if you want!” That is the miserable desperation of addiction talking. Now if we manage to sober this person up and get them involved with a creative new life in recovery, their answer will likely change quite a bit (I know mine did!). Life becomes precious in recovery.
And of course we are just talking about numbers and percentages here–you might be able to continue to drink and still live a very long time. But the odds are against you. It’s not just the direct effects of drinking that can kill you. For example, guess what the number one killer of recovering alcoholics is? Lung cancer. In other words, it’s not just the booze that will kill you….it’s the lifestyle that gets us in the end. Not to mention drunk drivings, accidents, slip-and-falls, alcohol poisoning, liver damage, and so on.
With alcoholic drinking, there are a million ways to die. Problems compound as the lifestyle becomes increasingly more dangerous. It’s a progressive disease, so the risks increase for both the direct effects of alcohol, as well as for “lifestyle deterioration.” In other words, as time goes on, our drinking takes us to new lows and to do things we said we would never do. All of this steadily increases the odds of our untimely demise. Luckily, there are a million ways to stop drinking as well.
Quitting drinking and the quality of your life
The discussion so far as focused on how long we will live if we drink alcoholically. But lets take a look at what it does to the quality of our life.
There are a number of ways that drinking impacts the quality of your life:
1) Overall health – Not only will heavy drinking reduce your lifespan, but it also has the potential to bring on any number of diseases, disorders, and ailments.
2) Alcoholics are more susceptible to other drugs – which can have devastating effects on your life as well. Many people pick up “new habits” while they are drunk.
3) Alcoholics are several times more likely to be cigarette smokers - which, combined with drinking, can really have devastating health consequences.
4) Risk of suicide – is determined by studies to be over 5,000 times greater in alcoholics than in that of the general public.
5) Social effects – Alcoholism negatively impacts divorce rates, domestic violence, job stability, and so on.
6) Mental effects – Alcoholism contributes to depression, anxiety, and in the long run can result in ever more serious mental conditions, some of which might eventually be permanent.
Is there a Stop drinking pill?
There is a medication called Campral that can help with cravings, but it is by no means a magic bullet. People who rely on the pill to “fix” their alcoholism are going to be very disappointed. There is no magic cure and you have to put forth a tremendous effort in order to get sober aside from simply taking a pill like this. But, it can be helpful, and so any alcoholic should consider talking with their doctor about medications like Campral that might be one piece of their recovery journey.
Stop drinking, lose weight?
Of course alcohol is empty calories, and those who get drunk every day tend to have other factors that contribute to heavy weight. Not only does the quality of nutrition drop, but most alcoholics are very inactive when it comes to exercise. Part of recovery, if you use a holistic approach (which is strongly advocated on this website!) is that you should be considering things such as nutrition and exercise as part of your recovery.
So simply quitting drinking is but one step in losing weight. The accompanying lifestyle changes are what will really kick your weight loss into high gear.
Stop drinking too much alcohol, or quit entirely?
Some people think that they might be able to regulate their drinking instead of quitting entirely. If this works for you, then that is great! Moderate your drinking. But an alcoholic is defined by their inability to do so. Eventually you may have to get honest with yourself and realize that you cannot control your drinking consistently.
Denial is the trap that you can control your drinking some of the time. If you hang on to those successes, but ignore the train wreck that is your life, then you are in denial.
If you can’t stop drinking now
If you try to stop drinking now but find that you cannot do it on your own, then ask for help. Call up a local treatment center and ask them what you need to do in order to get into treatment. They will lay out your options for you and help you to get funding so that you can get the help you need. Pretty much anyone who is persistent can find some resources to help them with their problem, it is just a matter of putting in the effort and the footwork that is necessary to get the ball rolling.
Stop binge drinking
If you are a binge drinker then you may be fooling yourself that you do not have a problem, when in reality you need to stop just as bad as anyone else. The binge drinker is a special kind of alcoholic, but they are still an alcoholic. They may go for long periods of time without drinking any alcohol at all, but when they do drink, they go on long binges and usually spin out of control completely. Just a different flavor of alcoholic, but one that still needs help in order to change their life.
Problem: an active alcoholic does not care about this stuff
So here is the real challenge: even when posed with a vast list such as this as to why a person should stop drinking, most active alcoholics could care less. The problem is that they are depressed, suffer low self esteem, and cannot bring themselves to care much about their own well being.
In other words, you could promise them the world if they would just quit drinking, and they will politely decline and go back to the bottle. They just don’t care.
Now I know this because I have been there before. And eventually I got to a place where I wanted to care, but I still could not bring myself to do it. I was stuck as a miserable drunk. I could not figure out how to stop drinking alcohol.
The breakthrough for me came when I decided to give sobriety a chance. Perhaps this was divine intervention. I had tried to achieve sobriety in the past but it had not worked, so I was extremely skeptical. But for some reason I was miserable and tired enough to give it another shot.
This is the balancing point. This is that tricky area of surrender that a drunk has to find their way to. It is a fine line. You are just miserable enough to want to stop drinking, but at the same time you are 2 seconds away from saying “screw it” and going to get another bottle.
This is why I think surrender to the disease of addiction might be divinely inspired. It almost seems impossible for an individual to find their way out of the alcoholic trap.
If you want to know how to stop drinking, here is my number one suggestion to you:
Ask for help.
Really. That’s it. Start with that, and things should start falling into place. It is possible to learn how to stop drinking on your own, but it is pretty tough.
May God bless everyone that has a desire to get sober today…..
Recommended Reading
- Overcoming Addiction
- Stop Alcoholism and Start Creating a New Life
- 10 Ways to Embrace Creative Recovery and Take Your Sobriety to the Next Level
- The True Nature of Surrender in Quitting Booze
- When a Drinking Problem Turns into Full Blown Alcoholism
- Holistic Addiction Treatment Center
Call Today
866-211-5538
24 Hour Treatment
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 1120 comments }
← Previous Comments
Hello everyone. I wanted everyone know that your words have really helped me with my own problems. Here are a few ideas of how I have dealt with my compulsions. I find that I am very much a creature of habit and to me alcohol is a means of filling in time. It is usually when I refocus this time and energy on other mental processes my compulsions to drink are less severe. An example of what I am speaking about is meditation (I know someone here is already saying “oh shit, here we go”). Most people don’t know how to sit still without any stimulation and deal with their own thoughts in silence. It takes practice, but it works and can be tremendously powerful. If done correctly, it can defuse the anxiety fueled by issues which cause the compulsion to drink. I learned how to do this in graduate school, when I didn’t have the time to knock down a twelve pack and still be able to study. On the opposite spectrum, I play video games which is a total stimulus overload, but my mind is focused by another means. Somehow I get the immediate gratification that is similar to drinking. I don’t think this any more productive than drinking, but it is far less destructive. Someone mentioned above that they gamble. I think this is the same kind of mental thing, but way too dangerous for me. In addition, I try to exercise which helps my self-perception and just as importantly my sleep. My near future goal is to initiate some type of creative project which will further focus this energy. I hope this helps you. Meditation, video games, and exercise may not be your thing, but the principles of realigning your energy and thought process still apply.
I feel like a ticking time bomb- I feel as though the pattern of self destruct I was on with the alcohol has been transferred to other areas of my life, as if now that I am not punishing myself on a daily basis by ruining my life and health with alcohol, I have (somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind) come up with other ways to punish myself. I forgot to pay my car payment for 2 months, have been late on rent every time since I started this path, haven’t been paying my other bills either- I am not taking care of anything in my life. I have had a broken fridge for the last 6 weeks and couldn’t give a shit. Found cockroaches in my apt, haven’t done anything about it. Why am I so self destructive? It’s like a despise myself and now that it is not blunted with alcohol, I am finding other ways to ruin my life. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone, but there it is….
I was reading everybody posts last night regarding the drinking buddies, and I was thinking about my personal case. I still have friends who drink,and even though they abuse alcohol big time they have managed to keep it under control in a way. When I first quit it was really hard to hang around with them while they were drinking, but after a while everybody got used to. The important thing that I have found is that I don’t need to explain too much about my new life as a non drinker, or how great I am doing now that I am not intoxicated,nor I have to tell them to quit.There is actually very little we do !! As the time goes, just by not drinking we are kinda like passing a message that “yes it can be done”.!!
I think after a while ,As Phil says everything falls in place in our journey as of non drinker.!! We just have to be patience and with our effort things will get better everyday. !!
Angela, Don’t be discourage you are not alone!!A lot of us feel like that in the beginning when we quit.One of the reason I believe is that for so long our mind is used to not deal with the normal things in life like normal people do. For example when I first quit, being with my family,being responsible ,wash my car, and help cleaning the house, All these were just ABNORMAL to me. It took me a few months before I could start accepting this new life and embrace it. I still sometimes get those flashbacks of my drunk life, and tend to not care for these things, but I push myself forward and trust me it gets better everyday. Also remember when we don’t drink our self esteem improves and therefore we feel more motivated to make the necessary changes to live better….!! Don’t worry we all go through this ,you’ll be just fine….!
!!!Everyone have a great day!!!!!!!!!:)))))))))))):):):):):):):)
Angela;
Please hang in there. You are recuperating from an illness, a sickness, the disease (some say) of alcoholism.
This may drain you mentally and emotionally but at least tell yourself you are sober and straight and getting stronger every day.
If it means anything I found it hard to get motivated to do ANYTHING when i quit drinking. I thought I would be full of vigour and life and take on the world, but the reality was I couldn’t even make breakfast.
However it got better, more real. Motivation came back, the vigour is returning, and I can look back on that time with detached nterest.
Surely it is some sort of chemical reaction to a significant decrease in alcohol? I read an in-depth report about alcohol abuse on the body’s glands and it was scary to think of all the ways we are affected beyond the obvious brain-impairments of slurred speech and foggy memory.
Jean Plod Van Damme.
.
Your welcome Theodora, I hope you keep checking in. When I took a break from checking in on this site, I forgot how good these posts are and how helpful they can be. I am glad I decided to check back in. The next six weeks will be some long hours of work for me, as I am meeting a deadline. I am viewing it as a real positive experience by practicing staying calm, not worrying or procrastinating, and just getting it done, even if I have to work some every weekend. One of the best things about it is that at the end of the six weeks, winter will almost be over, thank God.
I am a binge drinker. I really don’t care for hard liquor, but I love beer. I can go weeks without a beer, but the moment I put any in the frig “for company” it is gone. If there is a case of beer in the frig and I have the time, I will drink most by the end of the day. Like Lays Potato chips, “I Can’t have just one”. In social situations, I fear this could be disasterous. My gravest fear is legal problems that could result from a binge.
I really relate to what JPVD has posted. I am a very goal driven person, and it is when my hands and mind are idle that I find alcohol my companion for wasting time. It is the petty distractions mentioned in my previous post that keep me from drinking when I am not working for some type of goal.
I remember Drew Cary telling a story about how pathetic and disgusted he felt his life had become in his early 30′s. In despiration, he said that he started reading self-help books. Finally, he set a date and time for a very specific goal/task(facing his greatest fear) of attending open mic night and performing at a local comedy club. He won the contest, and of course the rest is history.
I can relate to this story, because it is the idle uncertainty of not knowing what I want and what I am working for that causes my anxiety. Drinking for me is the result of insecurity. As RobertoG and JPVD says, ‘alcohol + time’ is all it takes.
Angela I really feel your pain. I hope that you can find just one thing that brings you meaning and work to embelish it first. In the past, I had a friend that had joined a new gym. He asked me what machines and exercises he should do. I said just start with pushups, pullups and situps. My point was that strength and disipline will come by starting simple. Too complex of an approach in the beginning may lead to discouragement. The rest will come later.
I hope what I am writing is not too preachy. It is not intended to be. This writing is really helping me in my process by formulating these ideas for myself, but I am mindful that each of us vary in the degree of severity as it pertains to this problem.
Thanks to everyone very much for letting me be a part of this forum…
Thanks Jean Plod, Melvin and Roberto- you guys have really helped – at least I know that I have someone who I can confide in and “cry on their shoulders.” I feel like I have got a true family- I just haven’t met you all.
Speaking of family, I do have some good news to share with you all, I have, just this week, made some tentative approaches toward making amends with my family. I cannot blame alcohol for the split between my family and I – that I would have to attribute to their raving hard core militant form of Christianity (no I am not bashing christians, please do not think that) that has caused them and I to have very strained relations. But, my alcohol probs have definitely contributed to this process, as I become less tolerant of the judgement and condemnation that goes along with their form of belief. I must say that as they have aged, they have beome a little more receptive to those of us who do not believe the same way that they do, and some of them have been actually receptive to my attempts to communicate with them. My sis and I spoke at great length the other day and I felt so good about it…..we had a lot of fun doing the ‘remember when’ thing siblings do….
Well, I have had many failures this week and many triumphs….had a few insights about myself that equally break my heart, scare the shit out of me and make me feel a little downhearted. But I will take heart and know that, no matter what happens, at least I can tell you all about it and you will help me make sense of it and give me not advice, but pieces of your experience with the same problem when you dealt with it.
Thank you all so much and please hang in there, we are all in this TOGETHER…….
“pity the man who falls and has no-one to help him up”
ANGELA, Actually you have already met us all. Not physically, but in the language of the heart and in the language of suffering from the same addiction. It doesn’t matter how far we have gotten in our alcoholism ,This site is not about how is sicker than the other one ,!!.!!!!!!!Actually Here there are no little alcoholics or Big alcoholics…HERE THERE ARE ONLY ALCOHOLICS WHO ARE TIRED OF SUFFERING AND THAT FOR TODAY ARE DOING THE IMPOSSIBLE TO STAY SOBER AND HAPPY BY SUPPORTING EACH OTHER!!!:):):))Isn’t amazing how only one problem drinker can help another? If anybody who doesn’t have an addiction would have ever tried to give a suggestion I would have kindly sent them on their way. Only someone who has suffered what we have gone through can fully understand our pain. Not even science or doctors with all their research about alcoholism are able to provide any hope for us.!!Only an alcoholic who is trying to recover can help another one and in the process will benefit him/her self!!As easy as that!!! Take care all my friends!!!!!!!!!!:):):)):):)::)):):):))::)):)
Hello,
I’m Dan and I’m 29 years old. I’ve managed to achieve a reasonable amount in life regarding work and travel and experiences – but everything in my life has turned to black because of drink. Every relationship, indeed, everyone I have ever met has been put off by my drinking and looked down on me because of how drunk I get. Everything I have touched has been soured by drink. Wen I approach new situations like new places, possible new jobs, new friends etc I am fully aware that sooner or later they will know how much I drink and they will be disgusted by me and that situation like all of the others before will be lost. I have a loving family and still have a good job to support myself, but I haven’t seen my family in 3 years because I am too ashamed of myself and the mess I make of my life every week with drinking. I want to stop drinking before I can go home – my family are all too aware of the negatives my drinking has caused and have bared witness to some terrible times I have put them through because I was so drunk. I can’t continue to do that to them, it makes me feel as though I am no longer even a man, just a drinker. I have tried hard to disguise my drinking where I live now, although everyone around me knows about it because I’m so stupid and obvious when I’m drunk. I used to come to work drunk but I have pretty much stopped that now. I don’t often come to work with a hangover anymore, but I spend my weekends wasted from the moment I finish work on friday until Sunday night. I often have difficulty remembering what I have done and constantly fear I have done something to really offend people, or hurt myself, although in reality most of the time I am just drunk – but I get so paranoid when I can’t remember. My girlfriend is miserable because I have never given her a weekend where I haven’t got drunk.
On a positive note, I haven’t had a drink since new years eve. If I don’t drink tonight it will be two weeks. It’s Friday now and I’m scared that I might drink. I don’t want to do it again, when I start I can not stop and I will not stop until I pass out. No good ever comes from it and its killing my body. I pray for strength to beat this
Hi Dan,
Good to hear from you. As I read your story, I already know that your on your first step on recovering. Admitting that there is a problem is the first step and give your self a pat at the back as from coming to work drunk now you haven’t had any since new year…that’s really good. Hope you can keep it up…have faith…be strong…I know it’s easier said than done..dont be afraid to reach out to your family or girlfriend as they love you and they will play a big role in your recovery…I’m about your age and experienced everything you said, I haven’t won the war yet but slowly I’m winning battles on at a time…I hope all of us can keep it up…
where has bill sheenhan been imiss hi
sorry must of hit the key i was saying i miss bills post i hope hes ok
Dan, as I read your post, I almost cried for the very familiarity of it. I, as all on this post, have the exact same story to tell (with different details of course) – this is not meant to diminish what you have shared with us, but to show you that you are not alone. We are all on this path together, welcome to our group! Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life with us.
You have started this fight by winning many hard battles over the last 2 weeks. Well done my friend!!
You have started the road to recovery.
Many of us have been battling this disease and boy is it hard but it is worth the fight. All we want is to get our lives back and regain the relationships we have lost- and to forgive ourselves for past mistakes. This site has helped me so many times. I have at times, spent hours going back over the posts, re- reading what my friends here have posted even a year ago. I was comforted to know that I am not the only one who has lost a battle or two. I posted about a month ago about the first time I picked up a beer that turned into a drunk session that almost lost me my boyfriend. I was wracked with guilt and self loathing then I reread others’ posts from the past and I was reassured that I was not a failure, and my friends here picked me up and dusted me off and helped me restart the trek.
Keep up the good work, and thank you for sharing your path with us! We are not fighting this alone…
“pity the man who falls and has noone to help him up”
We have each other.
Roberto thank you so much for your words, I am sitting here crying as I type because you and the others have never failed me…. I am so grateful to know you…
Angela we’re proud of you every time you pick yourself up and fight another day. You are right, this site, Roberto and our other good friends here are blessings from above. Let us keep on supporting each other..the bigger the army..the bigger the chance of winning this war…Love you all!!
Angela and Dan, Hang in there this weekend! As many on this site can attest, over time just by going one day at a time without drinking, many of the issues that you have struggled with start to melt away, and it gets so much better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Take care.
Just stumbled upon this site. I have made a resolution to not drink as of Jan 1. I do feel better than before and I am certainly not racked with the guilt I used to feel everyday. I have not seen my close friends since the 3rd of Jan…all of whom do drink, although I have not really put forth the effort either. I have a wedding to go to on Sunday with work friends, all of whom drink, that I am dreading. I want to say I’m on day 17, but I know it is going to be SOOOOO hard to not drink when I am going to be with my drinking buds. I do feel that this site is going to give me additional support that I will need to overcome this “monkey on my back” as my therapist calls it. My boyfriend is supportive but he has no clue in the same respect. He outted me to his mother yesterday, saying I used to drink and drive, which is true. I should own it. I did get a DUI 4 yrs ago. But really wasn’t his place. Anyway I love love love bourbon. I have been an every week, nearly everyday drinker for six years maybe. Probably had my first drink when I was 15. I’m 28, and have been drinking nearly half of my life…God that’s scary. I am emotionally responsible for my family and those in my community as I do work within my community. And although I do want to no longer drink, for good. My motivation initally was sparked by possibly losing my relationship with my boyfriend and wanting to be a better person for my community. It is difficult. I don’t really crave alcohol, but I do think about it alot. And although I realize I need to stay busy and fill that time I spent every evening drinking…I am lacking in genuine motivation. But this is going to be awesome. I’m excited to have an outlet to share with others without having to sit through a meeting.
DAN,Welcome aboard!!!! If you are as tired a we are of suffering from this devastated decease this is the place to start getting better every day!!!!!. Reading your story ,and reading my own first posts there is no doubt how close we all match ,in our struggles in trying to control this problem. I was a heavy drinker for many years and managed to hide my drinking from my family, from my boss,My neighbors etc. (at least I thought I was doing a good job hiding my problem ,eventually I realized that everyone knew about my problem ,except myself) But as the time passed by, so was my addiction to alcohol. I started going to work hangover almost everyday. Eventually I started to drink at work , to cure the hangover. I totally lost any sense of responsibility.Started calling sick all the time,and for a while it worked ,but not for too long.!! After several warnings from my boss who also is a recover alcoholic I was terminated from my job where I had been working as a Manager with a great salary for 12 years. I never admitted to my boss that I had a problem. I never even admitted that I used to drink at all. He knew very well from his own experience that I was either doing alcohol or drugs or both .All The signs did not lie. He tried to help me, but my stupid ego did not let me come clean so I had to lose it all..(eventually alcohol also took over my ego and I ended up begging people for money so I could drink more, Oh yes!!! alcohol will take away any respect or ego, or values that we may still have ,it’s patience,and is not in a hurry to destroy us, I compare it to the Kamuro Dragon that bites its prey and waits for a long period of time till the animal is very sick , then it strikes)
There is no doubt in my mine that if I keep drinking, alcohol will destroy my life. It already did it once ,Fortunately ,and thanks to the one above and from wonderful people like you guys I have been able to overcome this drinking obsession for over 20 months. Alcohol is a back stabber ,all it takes is time and alcohol and it’s all a matter of time.Every case is different ,some will be defeated quickly others will have to suffer more like me, either way alcohol has no rush. I was always skeptical in the past when people tried to warned me, maybe because I was still young, So I had to tried myself and the results were devastated. !!! I am glad that you are looking for help, that’s a big step towards recovery. It takes a lot of courage for someone to admit that He/She has a problem. I mean think about this: a lot of people who are wondering in the streets because of their drinking would be offended if you call them “alcoholics”. Not many people are willing to do anything to save their own life , even though is so obvious that they may have a problem.!!!To admit or ask for help is hard!!!
You will find a lot of answers in this site,I would suggest to read new and old posts. We are a big family here, and please feel free to express yourself. All we care is to help each other to stay sober.!! We don’t care who you are ,where you coming from, or what you believes are. You will find that we all respect each other . Good Luck and just seat tight , keep hanging with us, and let’s stay sober just for today and today only!!!!!!
Every one have a great weekend!!!:)):)))):
Ellie, welcome to our group! This is a tough path to take, but one that is so important not only for our health but for our emotional well being. I know how scary it is to go to that first social event when you know that others will be drinking, but remember this, my friend, those people do not drink as we do. You go there sober and watch them, many will nurse the same drink all night. We, on the other hand used to drink one after the other, after the other, after the other. You are not missing anything by not drinking. Keep telling yourself this, and focus not on the booze and what your mind is trying to trick you into thinking you are missing out on, but on the event and getting to know the people around you. I am excited for you, have fun. Weddings are so fun! I am at work with time on my hands so will be checking this site frequently all night, please feel free to post if you want to talk or vent or anything.
You are part of our family now, you will not be alone in this fight.
I used to be the joke of the events I would go to, because I would show up drunk and then get drunker…I would meet people over and over and not remember meeting them in the first place. At one time, I introduced myself to someone, she looked at me and said, “Angela, tonight alone, you have introduced yourself to me 4 times, I have been to your house 6 times, and spoken extensively to you on the phone 3 times….WE HAVE MET.” That got my attention. I am no longer the drunk at the party, and I have noticed that many of my “drinking buddies” really don’t drink that much. I was the partier that drank to much, and to be quite honest, they are relieved that I am done with the drink.
Granted, I have fallen off the wagon a few times since I quit, but I am happy and grateful for my progress. I can go to functions now and not make a fool of myself.
Anyway, welcome to our family, Ellie, let us know how things are going for you. Good luck with the wedding.
Mark, thank you for saying you are proud of me. I needed that. I have not been proud of myself in a long time. I have been at an extremely low point in my life for quite a while, and so having anyone tell me they are proud of me is like offering water to a dehydrated man.
I hear you Angela!! I was always the clown of my parties that I would go to. Now that I go sober to social event or any party, I notice how people just don’t have this urge for drinking . I always thought that smuggling alcohol into the party and being already drunk before the party had even started was a normal thing.(I don’t see what can be normal about it) Now I realize I was the only alcohol freak in the parties!! Everybody else go to the party to have fun responsibly. Glad you are finding your path that keeps you sober Angela . Good luck !!!!))::)
Ellie, Welcome aboard as Angela says Welcome to the family…You are so young,I’m glad that you are taking action by making the right decision by quitting or at least to cut it back. Remember only you can tell whether you have a problem or not. If you don’t have it, or if it doesn’t have progressed as bad as it has for some of us…DON’T LET IT GET THAT FAR!!!!!! You have an entire life full of success that lies ahead of you, take advantage of it!!!!!! Good luck!!:))::):)
It is interesting to read that Angela and Roberto were the life of the party. I am/was the same way. I was one of the first to the party and one of the last to leave. For me, alcohol has always been linked to having fun or relaxing. I have made an ass of myself many times while being drunk, but I would just brush it off as “everyone gets drunk and says stupid stuff on occassion”. Not true.
You two are right when you say that not everyone gets as drunk as I do, and not everyone makes an ass out of themselves while having a few drinks. The older I get the more I realise I do not want this as a part of my life anymore. My own unpredictability is a detriment to my overall well-being. I have come to a point where self-respect and the respect from others is more important than any momentary buzz…
Dan my thoughts and prayers are with you. I also quit a new years. We are on the same schedule. Keep coming to this sight. It has helped me by seeing other people’s perspective on this issue.
it’s comforting to know that the start of this year has been the start of a new life for so many of us..good to know Im not alone on this new beginning..All the stories/updates in here have something for me to learn every time I check it and Im greatful for you all..Hopefully we can all still be wanted and appreciated and be able to enjoy ourselves and make others happy and keep them and ourselves entertained without having to resort to drinking..Im still in the process of dealing with that since I have been mostly staying in since I quit on new years (I also fell ill with a fever because I was dreading going out), but this sight has made me so much stronger and able to cope with all the new feelings and situations Ive come across since I quit.. Be strong and patient, ur not alone, thank u!!
I haven’t been around much lately, but am grateful to be here. I felt the sneaky demon the last couple of days. I was surprised because I haven’t had much temptations in the last 6 mo. I’ve been doing a lot of serious running, and after a long run thought how great a beer would be. “Just one, you deserve it, no one will know etc etc”. We’ve all had those. I let my husband know that I’m feeling weak, and I need to spend some serious time on this website. I really believe what makes this thread to great & critical is we have so many people here as resources and people who are trying to dig themselves out of the trenches (where we all start) and others ahead of us (like Roberto G) who have much more experience with the challenges we’re facing or may face. For those of you who are posting for the first time or are struggling with alcohol, please know how important those posts are to keep others sober. It reminds me why alcohol can and will destroy me and everything I have, and why I stopped in the first place. We are all here primarily for ourselves (I’m guessing) but we all are helping each other whether we intend to or not. Not reading these posts regularly lately is directly related to my recent temptation. I’m sure of it.
ANGELA, when we have a drinking problem that has been so destructive in our lives, we think that if only it would go away everything would fall in place and life would be great. It rarely happens this way. We have all this extra time that we don’t know what to do with and raw thoughts and emotions that we don’t know how to deal with. Basically, we have to learn how to live all over again. It is an amazing feeling living life sober after being in a cloud, but it is still life, full of challenges, disappointments, grief etc etc. On the other hand, it’s also full of joy, love, laughter, growth, inspiration etc etc.
THEODORA, I avoided most circumstances that involved drinking when I first quit. After I felt stronger, I was able to be around alcohol more, and now there’s rarely a situation that bothers me.
Happy New Year everyone!
CAMUS, I like your approach is very truth what you say about life. Life is life ,and always will be life,with us or without us. drunk or sober we have to deal with it. Everyone does!!!. Temptations and triggers are all over, and our sneaky mind sometimes wishes that we were using alcohol again and we have to put action to not let those thoughts to get to comfortable in our mind.!!Nothing has changed out there . It has not gotten any better , so we can be sure that we are not missing out anything good.!!!. Regardless of our time as non drinker, is still tough to stay sober, specially when you see that everyone seems to have their drinking under control. There is no doubt that to keep reading posts here, and contemplate suggestions from others really help big time. I personally have to keep reminding myself to be graceful to the one above for being sober today,and also to all you guys who also like me are fighting day by day against this devastated decease.. Lately I feel that I have been taking sobriety for granted. Eventually, being dry or sober becomes like a habit , you just don’t drink and it becomes a routine just like drinking was once. But ,I should know better that I have to address other issues in my life if I want to continue sober.I have plenty of undone homework which I have to start taking care of. In the name of sobriety I have picked up a bunch of bad habits that I need to correct. I am gonna star working on my bad habits one by one as Phil suggested once. I have to start looking at the whole picture here. my recovery will not be of much permanent benefit If I just stop drinking, but neglect other very important things in life .Being sober ,and achieve recovery is a process in which Action is the magic word. As Patric says in some of his posts : If we don’t change nothing!!Nothing will change!!!
Hope all you guys are having a Fantastic weekend full of sobriety!!!!!!:)):):))::):):)):):):):
Hello all
Its been awhile, I am back in school now and with work my time is limited, I have signed on and read posts regularly. Camus I agree this is important as well! I have not drank since 11/19/10 but last 2 days thought of drinking a beer, just one…..yada yada yada…it would not be just one, after awhile the clear head thinks I have control now so it will be okay. Than I got really honest with myself and remembered the bad for me hangover shame and I am an alcoholic who cannot have one drink. Went to an event last night where most were drinking quite a lot and really was able to have fun without it. I am feeling better about myself everyday I make it without a drink, but “Dirty words” it is not EASY all the time. Sending positive thoughts of encouragement to all of you,as none of us are alone here.
← Previous Comments
Comments on this entry are closed.