Start Here: The Creative Theory of Recovery Explained
They have a saying in traditional recovery circles: “Stick with the winners.”
Photo by macie3k
Who are the winners? The winners are the people in recovery who are actively creating a new life for themselves. They are definitely not whining. Instead, they take action. They create.
The winners come from different programs. Some are in AA and NA. Others do not follow a formal program at all. Some are in churches or religious communities. But all of them are recovering from addiction, and all of them are living the creative theory (whether they know it or not). They have found success in recovery from drugs and alcohol through the creative life.
The real winners in recovery are always creating a positive future for themselves. How could they not be? They are either creating recovery or they are creating addiction.
Attention: The actual program of recovery that got you clean and sober is a *minor* detail. It doesn’t matter if it was 12 step based, Religious-based, Rational Recovery, or whatever. The program you follow is mostly irrelevant. Stop confusing it with your salvation.
You’re either creating a new life for yourself or you are sliding back towards relapse. Any recovery program you happen to be working is just some window dressing….a fancy framework to push you to grow. Use these programs as such. They can help you, they might guide you. But they will not save you. Only creation can save you. And all of the winners in recovery are creating a new life for themselves each and every day….whether they realize it or not. Many of them will ignore the creative process and simply give credit to the program that got them clean and sober.
A program of recovery is not the solution. Working that program is the solution. It’s about action. It’s about creation. There are no magic principles out there. No recovery program has the secret sauce that can keep anyone sober.
In AA they say “it works if you work it.” They’re right. Virtually any program will work if you “work it.” There is no magic in that by itself. Even a program that simply states “don’t drink or use drugs” will work if you work it!
So of course the answer always points to action. And any recovery program is simply there to help guide us in our actions. And that’s where the creative theory of recovery comes in.
Transition
Consider your approach to recovery at 30 days clean and sober. Now consider your approach when you have 10 years in sobriety. Are they the same?
Of course not. That would be ridiculous. Just ask anyone who has several years of sobriety if their approach to recovery has changed over time. If they are searching and honest with their answer they will undoubtedly say that it has changed.
What got you clean and sober will not keep you clean and sober. Hence the need for transition.
Early recovery is often a brute force approach. I personally lived in long term treatment before I made the transition to creative recovery. Others might go to 90 meetings in 90 days. The point here is that early recovery is “stage one recovery”; a shock to the system. Most get through it using brute force and then eventually find a way to transition to long term recovery.
The creative theory of recovery is designed to help you make this transition into holistic growth. It is your path to a lifetime of recovery.
The need for creation
Addiction is complicated.
When most of us get to recovery, our lives are a tangled mess. Most of us have been using drugs or alcohol for a very long time. We have our whole lives set up in such a way as to support our addiction. In other words, because of our addiction, we have adopted a certain lifestyle.
Photo by helmet13
Getting clean and sober requires us to abandon that lifestyle. Huge changes are required. For example, consider someone who normally spends 5 or 6 nights a week drinking in a bar. Or someone who has a close circle of friends that they always get high with.
Now obviously, if someone is going to stay clean and sober for any length of time, those situations need to be changed. Drastically. You can’t just continue to hang out in the bar every night and expect to remain sober.
So when we strip away this “lifestyle” component, there is a real need for replacement. But there is more to it than that. Consider too the sense of belonging that those people in the examples get, or their sense of fulfillment that they receive from their daily ritual of drinking and using drugs. In recovery, these things need to be replaced as well.
So when an addict gets clean and sober their is a real need for replacement. They strip away the drugs and the alcohol. They strip away the lifestyle. They strip away the drug culture, the sense of belonging, and everything else that goes along with getting high. In a twisted way, getting drunk or high is a spiritual quest as well, and that is stripped away too when we get sober.
All of this creates a huge void in the life of the addict. It is not just a spiritual void. It is bigger than that.
And therefore the solution needs to be more than just spiritual. It needs to be holistic.
Thus the need for creation.
Guidelines for creative recovery: 3 simple strategies is all it takes
The solution for recovery is more than just spiritual. Given that, 12 steps that focus exclusively on spiritual development doesn’t make much sense as a long term strategy for recovery.
On the other hand, “just don’t drink” doesn’t really cut it either. So where is the happy medium?
The answer is in these 3 core strategies:
1) Caring for self
2) Push for personal growth
3) Network with others in recovery
These 3 strategies are all you really need to guide you in your recovery. Let’s take a look at them:
1) Caring for self
This is a fundamental principle of healthy recovery. Simply care for yourself. This can be applied in several areas of your life. With each decision, simply ask yourself: “Is this a loving and caring thing to do for myself right now?” Such a question can help guide you away from relapse, towards healthy lifestyle choices, to eating healthier and exercising more, and so on.
Caring for yourself is essential. You’ll get better at it with practice.
And in early recovery, some of us will have to force ourselves to do it. Because of low self esteem, not everyone will have a strong drive to care for themselves. In this case, we’ll have to settle for a little “fake it ’till you make it.” Start caring for yourself in every decision, and eventually your self esteem will rebuild.
2) Push for personal growth
This is a fundamental principle of long term recovery. If you don’t push yourself to grow in different ways, then eventually you will stagnate and possibly relapse.
Complacency is the biggest enemy in long term recovery. The push for personal growth is insurance against complacency. But there is another huge benefit of pushing yourself to grow in different ways: self esteem.
Virtually any recovering addict or alcoholic can benefit from a boost in self esteem. This works hand in hand with the first strategy of “caring for self,” because as you build more and more self esteem, you will naturally want to take better care of yourself.
In this way, the strategies here can create a positive feedback loop, one that reinforces itself as you progress in recovery.
So how do we build self esteem?
My direct experience with this is that it comes through genuine accomplishment (and not through affirmations). I think building self esteem requires real action, not wishful thinking.
For example, I was encouraged in early recovery to go back to college, and also to quit smoking and to start exercising on a regular basis. While none of these things related directly to my recovery, all of them ended up playing a huge part in my holistic growth. These things all required real action on my part and the payoff in self esteem was huge.
3) Network with others in recovery
The younger you are, the more important networking with others in recovery is.
The earlier in recovery you are, the more important this is as well.
The easiest way to build a recovery network, by far, is to simply go to AA or NA. These fellowships are well established and can be found in most any part of the world. They are powerful because of the common bond and shared interest of recovery.
Regardless of whether or not you subscribe to 12 step theory is irrelevant, especially in early recovery. Just get to the meetings if you need the support. Later you will transition into creative, long term recovery. At that point the networking aspect becomes less important and the focus shifts even more towards holistic growth.
This is the power of the creative approach. Your long term solution becomes the push for personal growth. If you are motivated and can overcome complacency then there is no need for dependency on group therapy in the long run.
Exclusive focus on a spiritual solution limits you
Most recovery programs are spiritual in nature. There is a strong emphasis on spiritual growth and spiritual matters.
Now spirituality is definitely important for recovery and there is nothing wrong with pursuing spiritual growth. The problem comes in when we focus on spiritual growth to the exclusion of other parts of our lives.
Photo by wolfpix
Addiction is complicated. The solution is holistic, not spiritual. The solution goes beyond spiritual matters.
I know that sounds blasphemous but it’s true. When I first started out in recovery in the 12 step program, the message I heard loud and clear was that “spirituality was the key.” So I focused heavily on all things spiritual. I studied spiritual texts, such as books about Taoism and Buddhism. I focused heavily on spiritual principles, and of course I was working through the 12 steps with my sponsor. This produced fairly stable growth but it wasn’t anything revolutionary.
Later on I switched sponsors and my new sponsor didn’t seem to think that spiritual matters were “the whole story.” Instead, he was pushing me to go back to college, to start exercising, to quit smoking, and so on. At first I did not think that these things related to recovery at all, but looking back now I can see that they were part of an holistic approach to long term sobriety.
There is more than one way to grow in recovery and if you limit yourself to spiritual growth then you are missing out on a whole bunch of experiences. Push yourself to grow holistically and that’s when your recovery will really take off. Which brings us to our next point:
An holistic approach leads to explosive growth
Growth in recovery is not linear. That means that it does not follow the typical linear growth pattern that you are so used to from other experiences. For example, when you are learning college algebra, the learning process is fairly linear. You learn a few things each day and slowly practice them. You learn bit by bit about Algebra. This is linear growth.
But in recovery, the growth/learning process is not really linear. Instead of going up as a straight line, it is curved, so that your growth starts out very slowly. Then it curves slowly upwards and later it takes off at high speeds. This is because recovery is holistic and involves your entire life. The learning curve is steep because the task at hand is so overwhelming. Instead of learning Algebra, you have to learn how to live again. Not only that, but you have to do so in several different areas of your life.
Because of this, growth is slow at first. That’s why so many will relapse in early recovery….because they have not stuck it out long enough to start seeing the benefits of staying clean. The benefits do come, if we give it a chance, and once they start coming, it is like a recovery explosion. Life starts getting better in so many different ways if we are truly focused on an holistic approach. Because we are trying to grow in different areas (such as emotional balance, physical health and exercise, relationships, and so on) the benefits of this growth are truly huge when they finally kick in.
An holistic approach is synergistic
What is synergy? That’s when the total of something is greater than just the sum of it’s parts. And that’s a perfect description of what happens when you approach recovery in a holistic manner. The end result is much greater due to the connections of growth between different areas of your life. We grow in one area and it enhances our growth in another area.
One area that this becomes apparent to most people is with physical exercise. We don’t normally think of exercise as being important to our recovery, but those who get in the habit of doing it report that it energizes them in a way that they never could have predicted. It has a certain spiritual quality for some people, and seems to enhance other areas of their lives. In other words, because of their efforts towards physical health and well being, their exercise seems to bring about emotional balance, spiritual growth, and possibly even benefits them mentally as well.
We can discover these kinds of connections when we push ourselves to grow holistically. Growth in one area of our lives can unexpectedly boost our efforts in another area. Many times this is part of a high level learning process where we start to intuitively see connections between things that we previously thought were unrelated. In this way, the holistic approach can open up a whole new world to us.
The only long term enemy is complacency
With the creative theory of recovery, the only real enemy is complacency. If you stop growing, then a slow slide towards relapse starts occurring.
Recovery is a pass/fail proposition. You do certain things in order to maintain sobriety, but if you take a drink or a drug, then it’s all over. Back to square one. This is very different from the way things work in most other areas of our lives. With most of our life situations, if we put in a modest effort, we get out modest results. This is not true with recovery. If you put in a modest effort you will relapse.
Photo by Wolfgang_Staudt
This has a lot to do with maintaining long term sobriety because so many of us have a tendency to push hard in early recovery and then slack off a bit as our life stabilizes. We cannot afford to do this and the key is to keep pushing ourselves to grow holistically and challenge ourselves to grow in new areas.
Remember that the holistic approach has an explosive growth curve. It starts slow as we attempt to learn new things and make changes in multiple areas of our life. But if we stick with it long enough, things start coming together and our level of progress and growth eventually takes off. Keeping this momentum going as we transition into long term sobriety is the whole key to overcoming complacency.
Ignore tactics and relapse prevention; instead, use strategies and structural changes in your life
Most people in traditional recovery circles try to overcome their addiction using tactics. For example, they might talk about having “the right tools to deal with their addiction,” and these tools might include specific actions such as “calling my sponsor if I feel like using” or “going to a meeting if I get urges” and so on.
This sort of tactical approach is not ideal, and often breaks down in the face of real-life complexity. Relapse prevention is just a bunch of tactics. What’s worse is that these tactics are almost always reactionary in nature; they do little to actually prevent urges or triggers to begin with.
Traditional recovery almost always uses tactics and tends to focus on this “reaction-style” recovery. Things happen in our lives and we simply react to them as best we can, given the “tools we’ve been given in recovery.” Again, this is not optimal. We can do better.
The alternative to a reactionary approach is to get proactive. This starts with a decision to use the 3 strategies to start guiding our decisions, because they are flexible enough to deal with any situation that life throws at us. The other part of the equation is to use structural changes in our lives instead of mere tactics. This is especially effective in early recovery when the need for structural changes is greatest.
For example, choosing to live in long term treatment during early recovery introduces a very large structural change for pretty much any addict or alcoholic. Another structural change might be to walk away from a bad relationship that promotes your drinking or drug use in early recovery. Another example might be leaving a job that is no good for you, or enrolling back into school to further your education. Notice the difference between a structural change that impacts your whole life versus tactics that take more of a band-aid approach to fixing a problem.
In other words, think big when it comes to creating life change and overcoming your addiction. Don’t just react to situations and struggle to stay clean. Instead, use major structural changes to reshape your life in an empowering way. Follow the 3 simple strategies instead of trying to build up a “recovery toolbox.”
The role of spirituality
Spirituality is still important in the creative theory of recovery, but it is no longer the “whole solution.” The whole solution, of course, is holistic, and includes much more than just spirituality. Nonetheless, one of the most important concepts in your spiritual growth is that of gratitude.
Gratitude is so powerful that it can almost keep you sober all by itself. Most people mistake gratitude for the temporary state of happiness that they sometimes experience, but true gratitude goes far deeper than that. It is a sense of deep appreciation for existence itself; a feeling of connectedness with all things good.
Practicing gratitude gives us the power to turn negative experiences into learning events. Thus, gratitude becomes a mindset that empowers us instead of turning us into complainers.
Gratitude is spiritual because it is essentially a prayer of thanks to your higher power (or the universe). Those who experience gratitude don’t usually think of it as being a prayer, they simply feel grateful. But the feeling of gratitude is definitely spiritual and it seems to be a culmination of the creative theory….that place where love, joy, and deep appreciation all come together and you feel a sense of peace about yourself and about the universe in general. (Like everything is as it should be and even the bad stuff in life has it’s place and it’s purpose). You accept yourself and everything around you, the good and the bad, and you can appreciate all of it.
This is the power of gratitude and it is the mindset that you adopt when you actively create a new life for yourself in recovery. It is the attitude of learning and growth imbued with a sense of appreciation. This is not something that is attained through forced prayer and meditation (although those things are still useful)…..instead, it is a deeper spirituality that has been achieved through holistic growth.
If all you want to do is stay clean and sober then by all means, settle for a spiritual program. But if you want to create an awesome new life in recovery with real passion and purpose, then you would do well to explore the creative theory of recovery and start using it’s strategies to grow holistically.
Your addiction or alcoholism affected your whole self; your whole being. So recover your whole self. This can only happen through a holistic approach.
That is the creative theory of recovery in a nutshell. It is not the only path to recovery but it is the most concise description I have found to achieving long term sobriety. If you want to cut through the information overload of traditional recovery then follow the 3 strategies and start taking positive action in your life.
The program is not your salvation.
Spirituality is not your salvation.
Creation is your salvation. Create a new life for yourself in recovery and live holistically. Wake up to the life you were supposed to be living all along. For the spiritually inclined, this is how to “do God’s will.” This is how to attain real spiritual growth. Through creation.
firemanjohn Says:
thanks for the invite, i would enjoy networking. i’m impressed by your approach to recovery.
vicariousrising Says:
I love love love this post. You’ve put into one post what I think I have been coming to learn myself. It is what feels right in my gut, anyway. Thanks for putting it out so eloquently.
Patrick Says:
Thanks Vicarious. I’m going to keep seeking the truth out of exactly how we recover.
Melinda Says:
What an excellent post! You have really given others who are seeking help some great direction on the path they should go. I enjoyed reading it very much.
Melinda
Marie Says:
I came to your site seeking advice on how to help a seriously addicted person (an alcoholic).Everything you described in your holistic approach rings true as this is how I’ve tamed my own demons.
I grew up around alcoholics- both my parents were. I still think its hard to bring a horse to the river and make it drink. I wish you’d tell me how to do this.
Keith Bray Says:
Using a Life Coach for Addiction Recovery
A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and deadline behind it.
As I went through a major process to determine what I wanted to focus on for the rest of my life, the answer finally came to me:
Helping others.
Specifically, coaching them to success.
I really do appreciate the personal referrals I have received from “friends” on addiction and life coaching. Lives are changing as a result! Please know that I sponsor within my fellowship as a give back service, I coach people for a small living, non-addicted and some with addictions or addicted family members. Funny how it works, “paying” clients, WITH SOME EXCEPTIONS, do the work and improve more than those who I work with as a service.
I went through a very thorough educational process to become certified as a LIFE Coach. It was strongly suggested that I have a coaching niche. While I am currently coaching people in goal setting, life accomplishments, and general growth and development, my chosen niche is working with people impacted by addictions….not as a councillor or therapist, but as a coach. “Hope & Serenity” describes my niche practice.
I have a very unique background that made me gravitate to this area. Currently, I am involved with the 12 step program of AA and very active in service work. That being said, I have also hired and still use coaches in my journey today.
Coaching works. I have seen this to be true over and over again in my life.
Why? I thank my friend Patrick Meninga from the Spiritual River for his input to this blog.
A life coach can help you break free from the strong hold addiction has over you. No longer will you feel compelled to use drugs or alcohol to overcome issues in your life. Sometimes, especially in early recovery, we can become our own worst enemy. A life coach can help you learn how to hold yourself accountable, as well as to help motivate you to pursue goals that you otherwise might have thought unimportant to your recovery.
How is a Life Coach Different from a Sponsor?
The biggest difference is that a sponsor helps you from their perspective, based on their background, whereas a life coach helps you from your perspective and your background. The emphasis shifts from “how can I help the addict work the program” to “how can we customize this program to best fit the needs of this individual?” Thus, life coaching can potentially be a much more powerful and flexible approach to recovery.
Sometimes a sponsor in recovery tries to make a square peg go into a round hole, if you know what I mean. They try to mould their sponsee to fit the program. If the sponsee fails and ends up relapsing, they don’t blame the program or the rigid style of sponsorship….instead they blame the individual! This crazy approach plays itself out over and over again in recovery programs throughout the world.
With a life coach, the situation is reversed. Instead of trying to fit the square sponsee into the round program, a good life coach will guide the recovering addict through a custom program that works for them; that is tailor made to their unique situation and personality. In other words, the life coach changes the shape of the hole, not the shape of the recovering addict!
For example, some recovering addicts excel in a group setting, and they thrive on AA meetings. But there are also some recovering addicts who are leery of sharing in front of groups, and prefer a one-on-one setting. A life coach can meet this need with grace and flexibility. The typical sponsor will just keep banging away though, trying to fit this poor square addict into the round hole of traditional recovery.
It is in this way that life coaching can go beyond traditional methods of sponsorship, unlocking the full potential of the individual through skilful coaching and program customization.
Beginning Your Addiction Recovery
A Life Coach can help you through the entire recovery process of your addiction. Once you decide you are ready to get help with your addiction, you can employ a Life Coach to help you stay motivated through your recovery. Trained life coaches will use the same principles of 12 step programs, and will have first hand experience with recovery. They will listen to you, and if you require, work with you in 100% privacy and confidentiality. Many people want to begin recovery in total privacy.
Physical dependence
In the beginning, your life coach can help you find treatment centers so you can get over the physical dependence you have on the substances. Not everyone needs a treatment center to get over an addiction but it is an effective way to receive the medical supervision while your body goes through withdrawal. Your coach can discuss treatment options.
Emotional dependence
Treatment centers will also provide support to you through your emotional dependence to these substances. Usually people use substances because situations in their life cause them to use substances to help them through problems. Once you are not physically dependent on the drugs and alcohol you can start attacking the other reasons for your cravings. Coaching will focus on you and finding and harnessing your strengths (not unlike coaching an athlete).
Hope & Serenity has associations with health care professionals and treatment facilities.
Life Coaching after Treatment
After you complete a treatment center or you have successfully withdrawn from the substances, your recovery is just beginning. You will need to continue to work towards not using substances in your life especially when life doesn’t go the way you would like it to. This is when a life coach can help prevent you from relapsing. Relapse means you go back to using your drug of choice whether it is one time or more than once.
Your life coach will help you find ways to de-stress your life and maintain balance each day so you don’t get overwhelmed to the point in which you feel you need to “use” to find relief. Your life coach will check in with you as often as you need through phone, e-mail or in person. This means that your life coach will be on top of how you are feeling and if you are experiencing any triggers for your substance use.
Many life coaches will allow you to call him or her any time of day or night just like a sponsor. You can call your life coach if you are craving. You can talk about how you are feeling and your life coach can work through it with you. Your life coach will keep you focused on your personal goals for your life.
Conclusion
The most important thing to keep in mind is that with a life coach you will not be alone in the process of recovery. You will have an experienced and trained coach on YOUR team. Family and friends can be excellent support systems for you but a life coach can give you an unbiased view. Your life coach will never judge you and will LISTEN TO what YOU are thinking and feeling with an open mind. Don’t go through addiction recovery on your own, a life coach can help you get through this difficult time in your life.
Your Life Coach will help you to build a game plan for life through goal setting, hold you accountable, and harness your own strengths to succeed in life.
Hope & Serenity is a coaching service focus on addiction recovery and is on the web at http://www.hopeserenity.ca. Check out the landing site at http://www.creativeliferecovery.com.
We believe in a holistic, balanced approach to the journey of recovery. A Co-Creative Process.
Gigi Says:
I am deeply touched by your suggestions. I, myself, have been in and out of life’s vicious circles for too long, and now, I’m beginning to see life through different filters!! Thanks!
Kevin Dunn Says:
wow excellent article!!! I am 3 months sober and that is exactly what I needed to hear thanks!!
Kevin
george g Says:
Great article. The overall approach just rings true to me, particularly the focus on making strategic, not just tactical, changes — which is now how I am approaching my own recovery process after many failed attempts. I have re-defined my relationship to my work (going back 1/2 time after a long term rehab program) and am considering going back to school. I loved how you framed the issue as one of “creating.”
From my experience, I would say that tactics, and relapse prevention planning, have helped as well. I agree that they cannot be the sole focus (for me anyway), but having tactics for the the real-world day-to-day struggle has been helpful to me in my recovery. Even a well-executed strategy is not a cure, and takes time. My demons have not surrendered without a fight. Thus, when “addictive thinking” invades, it is useful to have some simple “tools” to deal with the immediate moment.
I also think that relapse prevention planning has been helpful to me because it has helped me recognize my relapse process. I can now identify, with more clarity, when I am heading in the wrong direction, i.e., towards a drink. Certain behaviors, feelings and patterns of thinking are definitely “canaries in the coal mine.” When I notice them, I may need to fall back on one of the various tactics to get through the short term difficulty (i.e., call my sponsor, go to a meeting, journal, step-work, etc.) as well as re-assess my strategic vision to make sure that it is still sound. Before I had some exposure to relapse prevention planning, however, I ignored those canaries entirely.
This is just my experience, but I have found a combination of (1) structural change supplemented by (2) effective tactics and (3) relapse prevention planning to be very helpful. I am early in my recovery (5+ months), so this can all be taken with a grain of salt, but I have real hope for the first time in a long time.
Your article was a big help.
Thanks.
Patrick Says:
Hi there George G.
The fact that you are “only” 5 months in is not a detractor from your recovery….I think you are right on the money as far as your analysis of yourself and your specific triggers….you do not sound like you are over analyzing anything, but at the same time I think you have a heightened awareness about yourself at this point.
Please keep me posted on your progress. I like your approach and your thinking. Thanks for sharing it with us here…..
The Benefits Of Being Sober | Recovery Princess Says:
[...] will lead you back to alcohol. Or, you will begin to create. A must read on this subject is the creative theory of recovery explained. In my opinion, creation is the only successful route to take. When you create something and get [...]
Keith Bray Says:
THOUGHTS ON LETTING GO Learn to let go
(TURN IT OVER)
Years ago, when I hit my personal bottom, a man named John Skelly was put into my life.
John was not a man who would have made my “social circle” for my life up until 1994 when we met. He was rough and gruff, lived in the wrong part of town, looked like an unmade bed most of the time, was under employed and was given- lovingly by my wife- the nick name Grumpy- and it fit to a tee.
Yet John gave me insights in to how to live a new life better than any other human being. He lived alone, and a group of us starting out to recover life became his family. He brought us together for dinners and we ran the streets all over the place to go to fellowship meetings. He loved us when we couldn’t love ourselves, and in my case, he became a member of our “family” and was at all family events. It was hilarious when my wife would call him and ask him for dinner and before accepting, Grumpy would always ask what we were having.
John did not have a life I wanted, but had knowledge of the things I needed to get a life that I wanted desperately, and he gave freely.
There is a voice of “John” that I still hear when I’m agitated, a phrase he said to our “gang” on a frequent basis and the material below made it very real. “LET IT GO-TURN IT OVER”!
“To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, remove things every day.” — Lao Tzu
How do we take something away? As we cultivate higher awareness, we begin to see just how much we have added things that really aren’t there to our picture of reality. Our beliefs, concepts and emotions all add layers of meaning to physical reality, but that meaning exists for us only – it has no objective existence. For example, the word ‘mother’ has a complicated network of meaning for each of us.
Become aware of how your beliefs and emotions colour your perception of different events in your life. See if you can begin to step out of your fabrications to experience the truth and spaciousness of what is.
“When guilt rears its ugly head confront it, discuss it and let it go. The past is over. … Forgive yourself and move on.” — Bernie S. Siegel
Just about 10 years ago from today, I had the misfortune of finding “Grumpy” dead in his apartment the afternoon after a “fellowship” wedding between two of the group that ran together. Grumpy did not take care of himself health wise, had revelled at the wedding (not drank), had dramatically over eaten his high cholesterol but loved foods at the reception, had got home and taken of his finery and was in his AA suit, sat in his favourite chair with a smile on his face, and before he could light a cigarette, had the big one. He let it go and turned it over for the final time. A real loss for many of us.
Today, I still here that grumpy hoarse voice, and hear it frequently during rough patches, “TURN IT OVER- let it go”. With practise, it has become easier and has helped me to replace old habits and living issues and add new skills. It has allowed me to live life in a real place and in the now. It has allowed me to forgive myself and live. It has given me balance back.
If you want an abundant life with large measures of hope and serenity, learn to let go of the garbage that steals daily from you. There re ways to acquire the ability. I was blessed to have a John Skelly in my life, my own Grumpy elf. If I can assist you, get in touch at khbray@hopeserenity.ca,
David D. Says:
Thanks, Patrick.
I ran across your web pages yesterday and realized that I need to take action to re-create my life NOW. I am 8 months sober. I thought that I would find a new job quickly and then re-create my life to around the job situation, but the recession, and another legal item, has kept me unemployed.
I can see that it is a mistake to stay stagnant any longer at this stage of my sobriety. I am taking baby steps today. I’ll mesh my life with a job whenever that happens. Thanks again.
David
Will Says:
All of this is well and good, but you can have of this and we are still drunks or drugies. The bottom line is this is what work for you and you should state that. The most important part to recovery is to not use, please never forget that. If you gave these same instructions to someone that did not have a problem with drugs or alcohol they would have a better life too, if they worked at it. Going back to school, working out and building my self asteem are great, but if I pick up a drink while I am doing that I am back in trouble. Just do not use again, do that and positive stuff will happen too. The real trick is finding a way to thrill you brian replacing the high from drugs and alcohol, the problem is addicts will find a way to abuse that aswell. That at the core is the problem, we can turn anything into a negative. So many addicts have turned to other things accepted by society, that have ended up killing them in one way or another. You want to help addicts give them the ability to get high on the mondane, the boring and the repetative. Many addicts do not abuse to make themselves more interesting they do it to make others and the outer world more interesting.
Patrick Says:
Yep I agree with your ideas here, Will. I think sometimes we get caught up in the words a little, but basically we are both grasping at the same ideas.
I guess I sort of go back and forth….abstinence is the most important thing, but then on the other hand, creating a new life seems to become the central focus (that will emphasize the importance of abstinence). It is sort of a cycle, and different people are at different points on the journey. Some will connect with the message here and others will not.
Lisa M. Says:
GREAT ARTICLE. Wow is all I can say I very much enjoyed what you had to say. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Hope you don’t mind if I post a link to this article on another blog as I know a number of people who would benefit from reading this.
Lisa M.
Allyson Says:
Excellent article. I can’t wait to read the others.
Thanks Patrick :o)
Julio Says:
Only you by youself can perform your real recovery. Not a program, not a faith. You can wait for things happen or to take actions to do so. In A.A. some fundamentalists urge to name the “dry drunks” for anyone who do not take every principle litteraly. But the worst dry drunks are the fundamentalists themselves. If you exchange the cage of active alcoholism for an entire lack of free thinking, you did not do a great deal.
Patrick Says:
Right on, Julio. I could not agree more….
Sharrye Says:
Hi Patrick, I’m so glad I found your website. There’s a lot of great information on here and it’s obvious your passionate for recovery. I’ve already downloaded your book and will begin reading it tomorrow.
I was reading this article and there are some things that concern me. One is that you don’t really highlight the fact that the creative life your endorsing is not really suitable for early recovery. In the beginning, it’s hard enough to just stay clean/sober without trying to recreate your entire life. That’s why the 12 Step slogans “Easy does it” and “First things first” are so important.
Newcomers get clean and they want to fix everything that was ever wrong in their lives. They want to work on their relationships, their job, their physical fitness, their education…you name it, they want to start fixing it by Day 30. Then they get overwhelmed, discouraged, and they use again because that’s all they know. Early recovery is not 90 days. Early recovery is the first 18 to 24 months. In that time, just being clean, not creating any more wreckage in their life, obtaining emotional stability, and being employable, is more than enough for most people to handle.
In addition, it seems you are somewhat bias regarding 12 step programs. For many addicts/alcoholics, 12 step programs counter a lot of the losses you mentioned we experience when we stop using drugs. The loss of friendship and that sense of belonging is replaced by the fellowship. The need for self-esteem is addressed by encouraging service work, becoming employable, and practicing spiritual principles in all areas of our lives. And that spiritual void is addressed by teaching us how to connect to something bigger than ourselves and to apply spiritual principles in our daily lives.
In addition, while I agree wholeheartedly with your holistic approach once someone’s recovery is more stable, I do not agree that the tactics taught for relapse prevention are unnecessary if you have a holistic approach. All the exercising, art classes, and traveling in the world is useless against the rationalization and justification of a real addict/alcoholic. You cannot correct twisted thinking with the same mind that’s doing the thinking. In addition, you can only move or break up with your significant other so many times – two of your suggested structural changes – before you realize that running away from the problem doesn’t really help because you are the problem. The tactics that are taught in relapse prevention are life skills and coping skills that help addicts/alcoholics deal with feelings and situations we normally use over or run from. Instead of getting high because our car was repossessed, we call someone or share about it in a meeting. Instead of drinking to deal with the pain of our wife leaving us, we write about it in a journal. When we want to use for no reason other than we saw a beer commercial on television, we work on a step or read some literature. No matter how proactive we are, life still happens. The question is, what are we going to do about it?
Finally, we as addicts/alcoholics have to be very careful when our self-esteem is based solely on what we’re accomplishing. Anytime we use something outside ourselves to validate our self-worth, we’re in dangerous territory. External factors come and go – jobs are lost, injuries occur, etc – but our recovery has to be constant. The only constant is the internal. That sense of self developed from doing the right thing, for the right reason, and having trust in a higher power that everything is going to be ok. Constantly striving for that next payoff isn’t holistic; it’s addition that has taken a different form. Holistic is making sure everything is in sync – the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual.
I can definitely see the merits of your approach, despite the concerns I mentioned, and I will definitely be implementing them into my 12 step program. Thanks so much for taking the time to create, update, and maintain this site. We need more people like you spreading the message of recovery.
Patrick Says:
Thank you so much for your comment, Sharrye….you are the first person who has really taken a look at the creative approach and poked a few holes in it! Very valuable insight for both of us.
Since I started writing about the creative theory, it has become refined a bit over the years. For the record, I do emphasize two things now when I talk about it:
1) I strongly suggest people start within the 12 step fellowship in early recovery, simply based on the strong level of support, and
2) That the creative theory is for long term recovery. I advocate taking “massive action” for early recovery–whether that means 3 meetings each day for the first year, or living in a long term treatment program, or whatever.
So those 2 things have sort of evolved into the creative theory, based on my experiences and observations about what works for others in recovery.
Your points are well taken and I am going to think about all of them carefully. My goal is only to help people, so I want to keep drilling down until I find exactly what seems to work for the majority of folks.
Thank you again for your insight…
Luke Says:
Thanks for being here mate, i really enjoyed reading about the holistic aproach to recovery. I attend NA and AA meetings regularly and am going to chuch as well, this is working for me so far (i’ve had five short relapses in two years and managed to stay clan and sober for a year and ten days) but i plan to give this holistic aproach a go, i am two months and a week clean today and dont want to relapse anymore. Thanks again, best wishes :)
Patrick Says:
@ Luke – sounds like you have a great approach to recovery that is working for you. Keep it up!
Ivonne Says:
Hi Everyone and especially Patrick: Thank you very much for your stories. I am a problem drinker and a few days ago I hit rock bottom. My country has a very special setting but also a lot of trouble late at night. I ended up in a hotel room with low lifes and people that were trying to steal my watch, my earrings, they managed to steal my blackberry… without me even noticing…I was lucky it was just that, really lucky. I was so irresponsible to drive back home in a really bad condition to find my husband really worried, he couldn’t sleep all night. I started drinking at 7:00 pm and got home 1 pm next day.
I started reading this website and I think I have been a closet alcoholic for ten years. It is time to stop, not only for him and my mother, but for myself. Patrick said something that really struck me: when you are sober you start seeing the miracles EVERYDAY. I have decided i don’t want to see a drop of alcohol and all your input and tips (especially over the holiday season) are helping me a lot. Keep it up! Reading all your stories and posts is what is helping me get through right now. All my blessings!
john Says:
Hi ivonne. Hope your taking action to stay sober. Let us know how you are
paul Says:
i just found this site and so far it’s been very helpful. for me it’s pot and percocet. i’m 48yr old male in good physical shape. i started using after i got sexually molested at 13yrs old. i quit cigarettes 13yrs ago and booze about 5yrs ago. i’d really like to quit the drugs and try to salvage what’s left of my life,which has been a struggle financially cause i haven’t been able to keep a full time job due to lack of motivation.i know that i have to take action in my life. any other info would be appreciated. thank you.
Britney Says:
Thank you. SO much.
I have been considering quitting (again) for quite some time now and this article has given me the insight, direction and confidence I’ve needed.I now truly believe I can overcome this and definitely will be trying your approach.
I am 18 and have spent almost half of my life high.
No more, I’m taking my freedom back!
Bec Says:
WOW!! I am not an addict but my partner is and an abuser of alcohol… I took it upon myself with the love and passion I have for him to look up and learn about what he is going through so I can be there and help…. I have read soooo much tonight and it all has helped give me such a greater understanding but then I stumbled miraculously upon your information some how and right through all the sites I have been reading I had been thinking ‘How is this going to help him, he is so stubborn and it has to be something he is bored with’ or how you have put it COMPLACANT..
I absolutely loved what you have researched and come up with cause like you I see where what has worked for you WILL help me in my thinking of support and in helping guide and direct my partner in a CREATIVE manner to sobriety…. WOW…. amazing at how we are given such great talents and great minds to create, learn and will ourselves to something so powerful – OURSELVES… well done and thank you ever soooooo much for sharing your story, and what has worked for you and your evaluations – what a great resource and now I have a clearer idea of what it is that I need to do to support and assist the recovery of my partner thank you thank you thank you and wish me well on this journey and adventure with such a powerful man I am pleased and proud to call mine
Patrick Says:
Thanks for the feedback Bec and I hope things work out for both you and your partner. Sounds like you really like the idea of creative recovery and finding your own empowering path in recovery…..
Anonymous Says:
it’s your life…create it to the fullest. Daily. Make it real to you keep it pure, simple and alive…with each breath, tell yourself, that you were born to re-create, breathe. just breathe. Just be. No matter what tell yourself ….I care.