John MacDougall of Hazelden rightly points out that resentment is no longer the number one offender, as stated in the Big Book of AA, but complacency is.
Why is this, you ask? And how could the big book of AA possibly be wrong? Because the founders of AA who wrote the big book could only use the information they had at the time. In some ways, they had a limited perspective on things. One example of this is their relatively short term sobriety. Because they had not experienced long term sobriety, nor had they watched others in AA fall victim to complacency after long periods of abstinence, it seemed reasonable to them that resentment really was the number one offender. Today we know differently, now that we have seen many recovering alcoholics achieve long term sobriety.
Why resentment ceases to be a threat
It is true that many in AA or other recovery programs will struggle with resentments. They can indeed be the poison that leads people back to drinking or drugs. But anyone who is living a progressive life of recovery will inevitably make a shift in how they handle things. Either they will learn to deal with their anger, or they will not. This is part of the learning process of recovery, and is also addressed specifically in the 12 steps. Regardless of how a recovering alcoholic goes about it, they are going to have to learn to let go of their anger if they are to remain sober in the long run. If they cannot cross this “learning gap” and learn how to overcome their resentments, then they will inevitably drink or use drugs again some day.
Why complacency becomes the dominant threat
For those of us who make it past this initial stage of recovery, and work the steps and start dealing with life “on life’s terms,” resentment ceases to be such a major threat, and we now have a new problem to worry about: complacency. This is the true number one offender, and you can see evidence of this when you hear an alcoholic describe their relapse after a long period of sobriety. It’s not a specific resentment that got them in the end–instead, the person is usually so baffled that they can’t pin down why they drank, and only know that they had “drifted away from AA meetings” or started “letting up on their program of recovery.” In other words, they got complacent.
It’s not the big things that get us in long term sobriety (like a big juicy resentment), but the little things that slowly eat away at us if we happen to stop making spiritual progress.
Action items – What you can do:
1) Fight complacency by challenging yourself to keep growing spiritually. This might include empowering growth activities that fall outside of traditional “spiritual” roles, such as starting a new exercise program or maybe a commitment to volunteer and help out somewhere.
2) Fight complacency by working with other drug addicts and alcoholics. This is one of the most effective tools for defeating complacency in the long run. Helping other alcoholics practically ensures our continual progress. Make it a strong point in your recovery.
Help for Alcoholism Do you or someone you love need drug or alcohol rehab? Take action and get the help you need right now. Drug Addiction Help What kind of drug rehab is right for you? Give us a call at 1-877-744-3536 Addiction Treatment Real help is available. We can give you the tools to recover. Start your new life today.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
I share the same views on complacency. I am in recovery and an addictions therapist, and have been talking about complacency for some time. If I may take it a step further, I believe the number one resource for anyone maintaining or growing in recovery is perserverence. Keep trying. In my struggle to ‘get’ spirituality the answers weren’t as important as doggedly seeking new input and ideas.
For my $.02, and in 2 words, complacency = danger, persistence = progress.
Bill Urell
http://AddictionRecoveryBasics.com
Absolutely, Bill, I completely agree with your idea of perseverance. I also agree with your method of diligent “seeking” as a method of spiritual growth. To me, this is what it’s all about: continuing the learning and growing process, and having the guts to push through when the times get tough. Thanks so much for your comment!
Thank you for this oppotunity to speak.I had 15yrs of total sobriety,as a recovering alcoholic and a certified addiction counselor, i got complacient and relapsed, i stayed out there for 4 very long years! But thru God’s grace and mercy,He brought me back. Yes I agree that being complacent is very much a threat to sobriety! I am back out here now , have been sober for 4 years now!! I have learned much about myself in these past 4 years than ever before. I want to speak to others and writ a book, recovery works,if you work it!! thank you for letting me share!!
Hi there RC. Sounds like you have quite a story, I’m so glad you made it back to recovery. Keep me posted on your book, if you continue working on it, maybe I can offer suggestions or help you promote it in some way. Thanks for the comment and God bless.
Wow! How true! Whenever I heard or read that resentment was the number one offender I disagreed subltly. I did not realize why this didn’t feel as true as much of what is in the big book. You so clearly pin point why this isn’t true anymore. This first thing people say is “I stopped going to meetings, I stopped praying, I stopped working with others…” Not, “I got really mad at someone and then I drank.”
Thanks for your comment, Lexy. I agree with your ideas….that’s why we have to maintain discipline in our own program; we have to keep growing. Good luck to you on your journey….
Of course resentment is still the number one offender. I have never heard of anyone relapsing who has completed steps 1 to 9 and then uses 10,11 & 12 on a daily basis in ALL aspects of their lives.
No where in the Big Book does it say that this is what we understood….. it clearly says this is what we did.
Again it doesn’t say that dealing with resentments will ensure recovery it says that doing ALL the steps as laid out guarantees recovery. perhaps instead of picking holes in the program it may well be easier and more productive to simply DO IT !!!
Hi there Colin
The people in AA who wrote the Big Book did not have long term sobriety yet. They were too new to recovery to have experienced everything there is to know….they even warned us that “more will be revealed.”
One of those things that was revealed is that after doing the spiritual work and eliminating resentments from our lives, the biggest threat becomes complacency. There was simply no way they could have known that back then. We know more today. Yes, it is possible for recovering alcoholics to learn new things!
I don’t necessarily try to “poke holes in the program,” I just want to find new and creative ways to help people that produce better recovery rates. Even AA World Services has released data that shows a very poor rate of success using AA.
I just want to help people, to do better. Why can we not think critically about this?
What if someone had told Bill Wilson to just direct drunks into the churches and into religion? That worked for some back then, so why not just let it be and let that be the solution? Instead, Bill Wilson wanted something more, he wanted a better, more direct way to help the struggling alcoholic.
I see AA fail for many people and I want the same thing: to help more alcoholics recover.
Semantics and analysis aside, the validity of the program as it is written still stands. The Big Book is clear that vigilantly enlarging spirituality includes dealing with resentments. This is accomplished by a daily inventory. This does not allow room for complacency. I don’t believe that creativity is the answer; simplicity is.
I agree we might be getting carried away with the words here, Dave. But your comment at the end about simplicity sort of sets off another red flag for me.
Addiction is complicated. So is the solution. How many different spiritual concepts are needed to maintain sobriety? According to one post in these comments here, 12 different principles!
That is not simple, in my opinion.
“Don’t drink and go to meetings” is simple, but it is not enough. You have to dig in and start applying these (numerous) concepts to your life.
Throughout the Big Book, Bill repeatedly applies the same approach. That is he states the problem, gives the solution, then provides the actions to achieve that solution. this is reflected in the 12 steps as well. In step 1, the problem is alcohol. Step 2, the solution is God. The remaining steps lay out the actions required to find the solution. To over complicate this simply handed program, would only serve to feed the same keen alcoholic intellect that got us in this mess in the first place. As has been my experience, vigorous action of these steps, often without analysis, arrives at the solution. Speculation of what a conscious contact with God is like serves no useful purpose and the experience of it requires no explanation. What I am trying to say is that, as a newcomer, I was so confused because I believed I could think my way through every contingency life threw at me and when I realized I couldn’t, I drank to escape my fallibility. What was vital for me was to listen and do it without my own spin on it. In following this path laid out for me, my complicated issues are being resolved for me by my Higher Power. I am finding that in “all my affairs”, “God is doing for me what I could not do for myself”. I am beginning to really believe that “He could and would if He were sought” by this method.
I do agree with you Dave that at some point, the intellectual alcoholic needs to sit down, shut up, and take some direction. They have thought their way into a mess of a life and they cannot think their way out of it. They need help. They need the simplicity from others advice that they could never just order themselves to follow.
This points to the idea of surrender, no? We have to stop fighting and struggling for control. And in letting go we become slowly empowered over time. We can look back and see how we have grown stronger by trusting in the process.
But that process, for me, is creative recovery. It is a personal journey of holistic growth more than a social program of spiritual principles. But, I have seen evidence that either route can work wonders…..
Thanks for the great discussion so far! Love your insight into this stuff….
coming up on 5 years..read the book and pray work with others it seems so much easier..and oh yes,stop drinking…it truly does work..never felt so strong…
Hi, i am rajeev an alcoholic, i did 12 step programme, now feeling good on one day basis, any body can share with me, about recovery, i can also learn from others, others can learn from me.
I disagree iwth the author-I do think complacency is terrible for acoholics-resentment is the #1 offender then and today. The Big Book was written early on in AA but Bill was around a LONG time after it was written and didn’t see fit to try and change the way it was written…just my thoughts after 20+ years in AA. I a little discouraged with the guy that wrote it being at Hazelden…
Larry S., I appreciate your input and I think your opinion definitely is valid. And I am sure it is echoed by many others in AA. Thank you for your comment.
But it does help me to see a little bit more why people cling to the past when it comes to the AA program. There is a certain amount of defensiveness that comes into play when someone like the “spiritual adviser at Hazelden” pokes a hole in the Big Book. Why do people cling to the past and defend it? I am not saying that the whole AA program should be scrapped, but it certainly needs updating.
What really worries me though is the defensive attitude that people have, like nothing can be improved upon. This is not the path to progress, people. Check your figures with AA World Services and see just how well AA is carrying the message, how effective they are at retention. The numbers are atrocious, and I just want to push people to do better, think bigger, try to change the system to help more alcoholics. What we are doing needs a lot of work. Sure you can blame the individual, but you see where that is getting us with such lousy success rates…..
Could there not be a better way in recovery? Can we not learn new things, acquire new knowledge about addiction and recovery?
I think we can. AA seems to be saying “no, we can’t. This is the only knowledge you need to recover. If that fails you, tough.” And this is with 78% leaving AA within the first year and never returning to another meeting!!!!! Just trying to see people push past this defensiveness and think about real change, new possibilities, etc.