Recovery is a personal journey.
Because of this, traditional recovery programs tend to create a bit of friction and almost set people up against themselves.
For example, you’ve probably heard that it’s a “we” program. You’ve probably also heard that you need to put yourself and your recovery first. How can these both be true if they are being presented as universal truths?
For some it might be a “we” program but that leans dangerously close to using a social solution instead of relying on sound recovery principles and real personal growth. If you depend on a social solution for your sobriety then all you’ve done is to create another dependency.
Networking with others has it’s place and that is in early recovery. As you progress the focus should shift towards personal growth and empowering yourself. Those who stay stuck in the social solution tend to ignore the needed push for personal growth because it is easier to just use meetings as group therapy. This keeps people stuck at a very low level of growth and might even lead to stagnation and relapse.
Recovery is personal. Someone can tell you how to get through the first week of sobriety because this is a universal process and we all go through the same basic detox. But can someone tell you how to empower yourself and really start growing at 5 years clean and sober? Sure they can try, and they can relate their own experience with this, but the information becomes less and less relevant as you stay cleaner for longer.
That’s because we branch out in recovery as we progress and start growing in different directions and new areas of our lives. I’ve even heard it said in meetings before: “If other people did what I do in order to stay sober, they would probably relapse.” This is true, of course, because recovery is so personal. We customize the program to work for us.
Even those who work a “standard” program of recovery such as the 12 step model are using customization, because they have taken the program and tweaked it to fit their personal needs. The real winners in recovery have carved out their own path towards sobriety.
For example, take a handful of people in AA and ask them each: “How did you apply the third step in your life today?” If they give you a surface-level answer, dig deeper and say “yes, but how did this guide your actions?” If you ask some of these questions, you’ll see just how differently each person approaches their recovery.
They have a saying in traditional recovery: “take what you need and leave the rest.” This speaks to the need for customization. You have to find your own path.
If you want to know how to make it through your first month of sobriety, it makes sense to seek help and advice from others. But if you want to know how to live your life sober and make it in long term sobriety, then the answers to that are within you. You have to find your own motivation to push yourself to grow. This might involve other people but ultimately it is a personal journey.
The answers are within you and if you seek those answers through a social solution then you’re going to be disappointed. Recovery fellowships are useful in early sobriety but they don’t create a new life for you as you transition to long term recovery. The need to create a new life – that part is up to you.
Recommended Reading
- Overcoming Addiction
- Addiction Recovery is about Discovering New Layers of Information
- 5 Ways to Supercharge Your Recovery, Avoid Relapse, and Dominate Your Addiction Over the Holiday Season
- 10 Ways to Embrace Creative Recovery and Take Your Sobriety to the Next Level
- Holistic Addiction Treatment Center
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Dude, peddle your beat bag up the block – I’m not buying it. How dare you minimize the LOVE we attain by sharing the spiritual journey of recovery w/ one another. It’s the relationships we develop, as well as knowing that we have to keep the doors open for the next sick and suffering person that keeps most of in the rooms – CLEAN! What you describe sounds lonely and isolative. If I’m counting on myself to stay clean and/or gauge how I’m doing, then I’ve got pretty dangerous company and a nasty critic to contend with. Don’t get me wrong, much of my insights have come from self-discovery as I’ve lived the steps and gained a better understanding of what my Higher Power is. But know this, my HP shines on me from inside the rooms and from the people that are in them. What you profess is blasphemy to me. I’ll pray that you don’t lure anyone away from the Steps and Traditions, and perhaps find whatever you NEED, without convincing someone to tag along and no doubt experience some more pain and reference points. Really man, go peddle your bullshit elsewhere.
I believe the author is entitled to his opinion, as I believe the person who posted the first comment is entitled to his or her opinion. Is this coming out of fear or am I actually practicing a spiritual principle in my life? I did not have this outlook before being introduced to the steps and traditions. Practicing the principles in all my affairs is not easy but I will “Keep coming back” I will also continue to write the steps on a regular basis. It’s life or death for this addict.
I think the post addresses some key points and questions in middle stage recovery. Notice he says ’5 years in’. For myself, I had entered relapse mode at about 8 years of recovery when I started asking ‘Is this all there is?’ I had mastered abstinence, but was not happy or satisfied with my life.
Eventually I discovered the answers within me, but I needed to access spirituality. Spirituality brought color and vigor back to my recovery. The 12 steps were the tool or format I used to access that part of me I could not reach unassited. This week I will have 17 years, and still go to step meetings. Why?, for me, it works and helps me from sliding into complacenecy the biggest danger of all.
Bill
Wow, some excellent discussion here, I appreciate everyone’s viewpoint and I think I might have struck a nerve for some with this post.
If anything I am cautioning against those who get stuck in the program (meaning traditional 12 step recovery). I know that others have seen this happen too as I have discussed this with friends of mine who are still very active in the 12 step fellowship.
Like Bill points out, it’s important to learn what helps you avoid that slide into complacency. If meetings is what keeps you stimulated and growing then that is a viable solution for you. But I have seen it fail for many and I think there are other avenues of growth to pursue.
What is important is to find what works for you. Without trying to lure anyone away from any programs, you’ll find that I actually encourage 12 step participation for newcomers on this site because of the strong foundation of networking it provides.
Thanks again everyone for your opinions on this…..