Recovery from Addiction and Alcoholism – Moderation Drives me Crazy
The idea of moderation drives me nuts. Really it does. I cannot moderate anything.
I don’t know if this is true of all drug addicts and alcoholics. Maybe it is, maybe its not. But I don’t do moderation. I don’t like it. Never have.
It’s just so…..prudent. I can’t stand it.
The recent example in my life is due to my high blood pressure. I’m trying to change my diet now, which is next to impossible. I want to eat what I want, when I want it. I don’t want to restrain myself when it comes to eating. Heck, I run a solid 25 miles per week and I’m skinny. I need bacon and pop tarts to survive in this world.
So I quit drinking alcohol and doing drugs over 8 years ago. Then I even managed to quit smoking cigarettes almost 4 years ago. But it’s not enough. Gotta keep pushing for personal growth, right? That’s what I always say. Can’t just stand still and stagnate in our growth and let bad habits continue. We have to push ourselves to grow, right?
Holistic growth. That means that we should not ignore any single aspect of our lives. If our relationships are suffering, then we need to work on them. If our spirituality is lacking, then we should focus on that. Holistic growth means that we are willing to grow in every area of our lives. We have to stay open to opportunities. We have to confront our weaknesses and improve upon them. This is the model for continuous growth. This is the path to real growth in recovery. Creating the best life possible for yourself.
Why do addicts find it so hard to do things in moderation? I think it borders on an obsessive disorder. At least for me it does.
So I am trying to figure out how to reduce my salt intake so that I can lower my blood pressure and thus be healthier. I glance at the snacks and tv dinners that I typically eat every day. Just about everything has sodium levels between 300 and 700 milligrams. Some of the tv dinners are over a thousand milligrams. Ridiculous. I don’t buy fruits or vegetables. Ever.
Just shoot me. My only idea for a workable solution is to switch over to a fruitarian diet. I can just eat fruit all day. Seriously, I could pull this off. I know it sounds crazy but it would be easier for me to go the fruit route than it would be to moderate my salt intake. I would rather just get extreme and eliminate everything and just eat fruit. So simple. Yet I could make it work.
That is just the kind of addict I am.
What do all of you think? Do all recovering addicts and alcoholics hate moderation? Is this normal?
Give my your thoughts on this one…..
Sigal Adini Says:
You are so funny! I am sorry, I know you were being serious, but really you are a kick!
My thoughts are that you should go see a good nutritionist and get checked for deficiencies. And you should find out about drinking more water that has the proper PH balance. I can help you with that if you like.
Some bodies do well on just fruit but some do not. Moderation is a bore, I agree, and eating is such a bother, but think of your body like you do a machine. You would not overwhelm a machines with just oil or water or chemicals.
Sometimes it takes a little education and testing to figure out what works best for you. There is a nutritionist on line that I really like. She makes sense to me and she has short and helpful videos: http://www.nutritionbynatalie.com/videos.htm.
And no, not all addicts are the same. You are unique because you are you and there is no one else exactly like you. We all have our own level of operation: some operate at cheerfulness about everything, some are apathetic, some bored, some enthusiastic, some are angry. I recommend that you don’t gauge your actions against other people’s because you will be mislead. Gauge yourself and your actions against what YOU think is ideal and what you want to aspire to.
Hope that helps
JS Says:
Patrick,
I can relate to this article. To be honest it is so obvious but I don’t think I could have explained it so briefly and concisely. I am a recovering addict and I struggle with moderation. I think my “inbuilt life policy” is, if it’s worth doing something it’s worth doing to excess. My wife has often says to me ” you’re nuts it doesn’t matter what it is, you’re philosophy is more is better ” This is mostly in response to my cooking exercises. But honestly, if a particular ingredient is nice, surly if you put more of it in what you are cooking it’s going to be nicer? See what I mean?
About the diet thing Patrick, in your writings you often use the word holistic, this is the key. Find some medical practitioner that takes this approach to health. They are not hard to find. Mostly they are natropathic doctors but not always it is possible to find mainstream doctors that take this approach to health but these are harder to find. One really interesting person in this field is Dr Arden Andersen, he resides in your parts I think, (US) you will find something about him here http://www.bioagnz.com/about-us/?a=about_arden
Cheers,
John
Magnolia Says:
Well, I don’t know ALL addicts, but the ones I HAVE known were ALL obsessive/compulsive people and did not know how to spell the word moderation, much less know how to be that way.
Obessive/compulsive behavior seems to be at the root of every addiction I’ve ever had and every addict I’ve ever known.
I think it’s a wiring thing. I honestly do. One thing I have learned about myself though is that physical excercise and oxygen intake enabled me to calm myself and thus get my OCD under better control. Maybe it’s the endorphins, the serotonin; I don’t know. But, I noticed that connection.
Theresa Says:
Skip the pop tarts, keep eating the bacon. Seriously do some research on low carb eating. It’s working for me and my significant other. It totally cured his hypertension.
Honestly the salt in all those processed foods is worse for you than the few sprinkles you will add to all the fresh foods you will eat, if you go low carb.
I met with my counselor today, and we spent most of my session discussing alcoholics and obsession. As a group we seem to be overachievers! My obsession was to be a model employee and functional alcoholic.
Now my obsession is low carb cooking and eating, and recovery!
Love your site. It’s really been helpful!
Fawn Says:
Patrick – I thank you for being so dog gone honest. As for moderation : For me, asking me to be moderate about food is like asking me to climb Mount Everest. I can probably do it except it would take a heroic amount of work, thought and planning. I would also either entertain or irritate the crap out of my loved ones that could stand to be near me with all my excuses, whining, lack of acceptence, searches for ” easier, softer ” ways, anger, frustration, self pity, avoidance etc.etc.. Then, after trying absolutely every concept I could possibly think of to get out of the moderation twice or three times, I’d just stinkin’ do it. At least that’s been my experience with alcohol, cigarettes, money, excersize.ect.ect..
It was no fun admitting that little 49 year old behavior pattern. good luck and I just love the all fruit thing. I’d last about 3 days on that and then my dog would start hiding because of the knife and fork I’d chase him around with.
Patrick Says:
Thanks everyone for your responses so far.
@ Sigal – what do you recommend for water pH? I currently do not drink enough water as it is I am sure. I usually wake up thirsty in the morning, and I sweat a ton from my running.
@ JS – thanks for the ideas, will look into them.
@ Magnolia – I exercise regularly, but quite honestly, it might be part of my problem. I use it as justification to eat whatever I want. And, running 6 miles makes me ravenously hungry. I have to eat an entire extra meal when I run, because my metabolism is super high to begin with and I am skinny as a rail.
@ Theresa – I experimented for one week on low carb for a weight loss contest at work (I know I am crazy for this, but I won some money and it was fun). Bottom line is that I felt worse on low carb than I ever have in my life. Remember I am skinny…not overweight, with a super high metabolism. I do better on a juice fast than I do on low carb. Plus, remember I am running 25 miles each week or so, sometimes more (plus on my feet for 40 hours at work each week as a nurse aid).
I gotta have carbs! No way around it. And, no need to drop weight. Just need to find a healthier eating model.
Anyway, I appreciate all the great feedback, and would love to hear more if anyone has any wisdom for me!
Magnolia Says:
You know when I was your age, you lil’ whipper snapper you, I was also skinny as a rail and ran/rode a bike/danced on table tops/worked out with weights and was a general aerobic junky. (pardon the horrible choice of words).
I’m still not exactly overweight now, but I remember how hard it was to put on weight. I ate everything I could get my hands on, so to speak, but my diet centered around baked/broiled lean meats; brown rice; brown flour and whole grains. I didn’t eat much fat come to think of it.
But, you know, have you tried quinoa? It’s a fantastic grain that is low on the glycemic index, which, if you don’t know, hangs with you a looooong time and raises your blood sugar slowly and sustains it for a very long period of time.
I have blood sugar issues and have to eat regularly or I start boinking off the walls. If I eat a large bowl of quinoa with milk/banana and some walnuts, it will hang with me pretty much all day.
You should try it. See what you think.
Angela Says:
Hi Patrick,
I had to reply to this one. I’ve been reading your “river” for a year and you have helped me a lot in gaining more knowledge about many things and opening my mind. Moderation? Yes, don’t know about that….if I’m going to do something, I give it my all. So, you wrote you never buy fruit and vegatables….do that! Change you eating. The saying “we are what we eat” is so true. I’ve read that 85% of a healthy diet should consist of friut and veg……potatoes, pasta, tuna fish, cheese would provide much of the energy foods for your running. 500 gramms a day of cottage cheese (you can train your palate to like these things if you don’t) or plain yougurt will build you up if you’re skinny. Better still. as has been suggested, go to a dietician and get a special diet sheet made up for you.
Eating three healthy, mostly vegetables and fruit, meals a day is something which helped me stay sober in my early sobriety, and it still does. In the beginning, actually going grocery shopping, washing and cutting vegs, cooking, eating, washing up plates afterwards took up lots of time between meetings. The good nourishment, I believe, helped my mental state, not to mention physical, very much.
I have been reading your posts about becoming a non-smoker for a year now. I am presently enjoying my 60th hour smoke-free……I’ve been drinking cranberry juice and sleeping more to help me. So far so good, I haven’t experienced any discomfort as yet. I’m scared of the mental side of it which I’m sure will come later. I’m using the tools of my AA and NA programs to help me…as in…….JUST FOR TODAY……ONE DAY AT A TIME…….I would like to take up running next.
Thank you for inspiring me. Go out, BUY fruit and veg, and eat it…don’t give moderation another thought when it comes to eating fruit and veg. Peace, Angela
Patrick Says:
@ Magnolia – I’m not sure if they stock quinoa in my city. Is that in the frozen food section? Just kidding. I just got home from the grocery store and I did not put one thing in the cart without checking out the sodium content and looking at all of the alternatives too. Man this is gonna be tough. Everything I want to eat has between like 500 and 1000mg of sodium per serving.
I noticed that cheese is fairly high in sodium. Ouch.
So is every kind of meat that I looked at. It did not seem to matter what type of meat, anything that was frozen or canned was super high in sodium. Even the uncooked chicken stuff looked really high in salt.
Oh well. I bought some bananas. I will eat those. And some other stuff. Man this is hard.
@ Angela – thanks for the advice. I think your idea of “heavy on the fruits and veggies” is gonna end up being my mantra at any rate.
Sigal Adini Says:
Hi Patrick,
Well looks like you got some good advice all the way down the line. I am with Magnolia about the Quinoa. I too have blood sugar problems and she is right about it. I agree with Angela that being healthy creates mental stability and you definitely need to eat your fruits and vegetables. No way around that one I am afraid. But really, if you go to the farmers markets and buy locally grown food, like we do here in CA, it makes a BIG difference. I love the freshness of the vegetables that were picked the night before. You cannot beat it. And John was also correct about finding a holistic doctor or practitioner that could advise you on nutrition. They can also test you for anything you might be missing from your diet.
Also, I have read and heard that salt is addicting… so maybe tackling it like you did the cigarettes would work for you.
Regarding the water, I purchased a water filtration system that I love. I will get more data for you about it so you can read it later.
This is fun! Everyone has so many great things to say and everyone wants to help. I love it.
Sigal Adini Says:
O, and one more thing. Because you sweat a lot, you do need to replace salt in your body, but there is a proper way to do that. I am not an expert but I know it requires also taking potassium so there is a balance. Balance… good word, it really sums it up nicely.
Brett Says:
Hi Patrick.
I believe the answer to your problem is directly in front of you. You speak of Holistic growth… and certainly this would apply to the very sustenence of your body. In fact, it’s one of the main things I see people in recovery ignore. I guess it’s partially due to the accent on spirituality in 12 step groups…. the body, in many cases, remains neglected. I think any program that does not include, at some point in the recovery process, a real change in how we treat our bodies… is incomplete and severely flawed.
I mean, our goal is complete recovery, is it not? I know mine is.
Body, Mind and Spirit!
There is a book that helped me tremendously as far as educating myself as to what a healthy body really needs.
It’s called Eating Well Fof Optimum Health by Andrew Weil, M.D.
It’s pretty straightforward.
I found that once I was properly educated about my eating habbits and how they affected my overall health… it became more and more difficult to continue to make irresponsible food choices.
This is even a little section about the “Spiritualiy of Food” that you may or may not enjoy.
The author believes that most current problems like allergies, inflamatory problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, ect…. are directly attributable, in large part, to our lifestyle (read dietary) choices.
There is a lot of information on the glycemic index of foods (read effect of carbs on blood sugar)
My advise would be to educate yourself so you can then make informed choices from your own intuition and personal experience…. rather than relying on the well intended ill-informed, if not absurd, suggestions of others.
I have a paperback copy of the book im talking about that i’d be delighted to send you if you are interested. It made a significant impact in my life and my recovery.
You can e-mail me at Brettiejamms@comcast.net to give me the shipping address if you are so inclined.
Thankx for the web-site.
I agree with much of your writings
Brett
Patrick Says:
Well thank you for the kind offer there, Brett…..I do have a really good library here in my home town, so I will check the book out there.
I am doing well in that I have seriously reduced the amount of processed foods I am eating. I am down to 2 slices of bread and 1 slice of cheese each day. Plus I seem to have naturally stopped drinking the caffeine.
So we will see what happens next. Thank you for your input….