A reader writes in and asks: “Will I ever be happy again without drugs and alcohol?”

Short answer: Yes you will.

Long answer: Yes you will…and I know how you are feeling, because I felt miserable and depressed and hopeless when I was wrestling with the decision to get clean and sober. My logic at the time was based on the fact that my only method of enjoyment in life was getting loaded.

I had long since abandoned any recreational activities. I no longer derived any pleasure from the simple things in life that create real meaning, like our family and friendships and so on. For me, it seemed like the only way I could have any fun at all was to get messed up on drugs and alcohol. This became my new baseline of fun and enjoyment. Anything less, and I was miserable. Anything less, and I was only looking forward to when I might get that next fix.

My rationalization for not getting sober was that I was not willing to live a life of misery and depression. I had convinced myself that I would never have fun or be content if I was sober.

Now the hard part about all this is that, at the time, I don’t think anyone could have convinced me otherwise. Someone tried to explain to me once that, if I just gave sobriety a chance, then I could go back to enjoying life and have fun with all sorts of different activities and so on. I just didn’t care. I couldn’t bring myself to care, or to believe them.

My belief was based on experience. Through my years of active addiction, there were short periods here and there in which I did not drink or use drugs for a few days, maybe even up to a week or two at times. And during those times, I was always miserable. Not just miserable in terms of physical withdrawal, but miserable in the sense that my life purpose had been striped away. Facing life without drugs and alcohol was dreary and uninspiring to me. This was my direct experience. So how could someone convince me otherwise? They couldn’t. I had lived through dry periods and I knew how depressing it was.

Getting over the hump

Now obviously, if we rounded up a dozen recovering addicts and alcoholics who all have significant clean time, we could interview them and find that none of them are exceedingly depressed. They are not miserable like I thought I would be if I were to get clean and sober. So what is the deal here?

Yes, working a program of recovery will bring balance and joy into your life, in a number of different ways. But I’m suggesting that people will return to a baseline of contentment after quitting the drugs and alcohol. The question is, how long does this take, and is it enough to maintain long term sobriety?

I believe the length of time is going to vary from person to person. I once went to a 28 day program and was still miserable when I left. Of course, I don’t think I was really ready to stop drinking at the time, either. On the other hand, I lived in long term treatment for almost 2 years, and I would say somewhere around 4 to 6 months was when I really started feeling good again.

Understand that getting to this “point of contentment” is a momentous and joyous occasion, because we are feeling this way sober now. This is the same baseline of happiness that we used to achieve only through heavily self medicating with our drug of choice. This is the point of freedom, where we find that we can feel just as good without the drugs as we could with them.

I thought I was unique

I don’t think there are any secrets for getting over this hump. You have to stay clean and sober long enough to give your body and mind a chance to really dry out and to feel “normal” again. This takes a bit of time, but if you can make it through, then it becomes possible to start building up an active life in recovery where you have purpose and meaning again.

In my mind, I used to think that I was unique in that I simply could not be happy without drugs and alcohol. I thought that I was cursed or that I was somehow different from other addicts and alcoholics, because if they felt like me then they would never have quit drinking.

But of course I was wrong. I am not unique–there are other addicts and alcoholics out there who felt the same pain and depression that I felt when sobering up….but they made it through this brief challenge and found a new life in recovery.