Traci writes in and asks:
“Got a question for you, having problems in the facility I work at with sick secrets….you know the old “don’t snitch no matter what philosophy?” I was wondering if you had any thoughts on it. Any suggestions?”
This is actually a really good question that I have seen come up again and again in recovery. There are 2 reasons that I continue to see this issue resurface:
1) I lived in a treatment center for quite a while (20 months), and
2) I now work in a treatment center, and interact directly with newly recovering addicts and alcoholics every day.
So the whole idea of “snitching” and the prevalent philosophy that goes along with is fairly common in my experience.
Here’s how I break it all down:
First, you are right, Traci. There is a definite attitude, or philosophy out there that it is wrong to “snitch” on people. Furthermore, I think this idea is even more prevalent in the recovery community. The reason for this is because any drug addict or alcoholic who has been at it for any length of time has accumulated a lot of experience with breaking the law, breaking rules, and generally getting themselves into trouble. These are otherwise known as consequences, and everyone who finally makes it into recovery has usually suffered a whole bunch of them. It simply goes along with the turf. If you drink to excess, or do illegal drugs, then chances are good that you have found it necessary to avoid being “caught.” Due to the various social implications and the implied etiquette among drug users and drunks, it is no surprise that we have a tendency in early recovery to frown upon “snitching.”
Furthermore, many of us in recovery from addiction are prone to codependent behaviors. Specifically, many of us are prone to enabling behavior, and we might sympathize with someone who is craving that next hit, even though sympathy is not the healthy response.
Take the classic example in a treatment center: someone has snuck drugs in, and tells another client about it. The client is torn between whether they should come forward and alert the staff, or if they should just keep quiet and avoid snitching. From every conceivable angle, it is better that the client comes forward. Not only does it help the person who snuck the drugs in, it also helps protect the other clients, who might be vulnerable to such an offering.
Notice too that this is only “snitching” from the perspective of the person who is breaking the rules. For everybody else involved, this is not a case of “tattling”….this is a matter of life and death!
It is ridiculous to uphold this “schoolyard etiquette” of not snitching in the face of such serious consequences.
Truly healthy recovering addicts would want others to snitch
Look at it this way:
Now that I’m living a full life in recovery, I would actually want for my peers to “snitch” on me, if they saw me engaging in questionable behavior.
In recovery, “we are each others eyes and ears.” Sometimes we can get wrapped up into something questionable without realizing how dangerous it is to our sobriety. This is part of the benefit of the feedback loops we create when we network with others in recovery. If you are healthy and want to keep growing, then you will want others to help keep you on the straight and narrow.
People who get upset that somebody “snitched” are likely to have something to hide themselves. If you are truly trying to work an effective recovery, then you won’t mind others who might “call you out” on questionable behaviors–instead you will welcome the feedback and thank them for their insight.
Recommended Reading
- Overcoming Addiction
- Addiction Recovery is about Discovering New Layers of Information
- 51 Things You Should Know About Addiction Recovery
- Surplus in Addiction Recovery
- Holistic Addiction Treatment Center
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Snitching is a codependent behavior.
who are we trying to please? God? Christ wouldnt snitch on us, he covered for us, when the devil was tryna tell!
Snitching dont help the guilty, showing them that u love them helps the guilty. its what Christ did!
its not schoolyard “etiquitte”, its the Golden Rule
im not scared of what men think as much as im scared of what God thinks.
and i dont have anything to hide, that im aware of? i think we should live in a world where we can do what we want and if we arent hurting anybody, we will be left alone.
this world, however, is full of people who falsely claim to be hurt by anothers actions when really the only thing thats hurting them is their own attitudes. (im sure im one of them!)
although i will admit, if they talkin bout what they do, or leaving it where it could be found and tied to them, then they pretty much want to get caught, and will find a way somehow….
Happened to be browsing your archives right before I left work this afternoon(was looking for something to present to a process group that I facilitate every Wed morning) and came across this one. Not going to use it for the group, mind you, but I have a most interesting tale to relate about what you so casually refer to as snitching. Coming from the background that I do(4 different penitentiary #s and an untold number of county jail sentences and stays) had ingrained a convict, criminal mind-set and belief system that was rooted at the core of me.
About this time 3 years ago I entered a Therapeutic Community as part of the prison sentence I was finishing. All the regular type stuff that’s part of residential treatment was what was presented to the residents on a daily basis. I understood my plight and where my addiction to hard narcotics and alcohol had taken me and what I had become. I also fully recognized and understood that my drugs of choice(heroin and hard liquor) were killing me, and if I was to think that I could get out and start using again I was wrong. I knew I’d overdose and die. I had to do something and I had to start now.
I seized the opportunity made available to me at TC and began to get to work. Having spent 40some-odd years addicted and all those years as an outlaw, as well, it was not something that went away just because I was abstinent. That whole system of attitudes and beliefs, and the way I operated, was pretty much my personality.But I knew I had to stop using. And I was working on trying to convince myself that I was willing to do whatever it’s going to take.
At this little ol’ particular Therapeutic Community I was in they had a system set in place called “The Box”, and the vehicle that was used was called “dropping a slip”. The principle behind this system was accountability. If the community is going to function smoothly we as residents need to hold ourself and each other accountable for our actions. Sounds real good to administration when the residents talk about accountability when they’re around, but when they take a look at what’s going on outside of the groups and classes they see something entirely different. “Playin’ the part…Goin’ thru the motions…” You’ve seen what I’m referring to, no doubt. This TC had a structure where you had to do some things in order to “phase up” and gain privileges, but the requirements were standardized so everyone had the same opportunity. In order to move out of orientation to phase 1 you had to get with each staff member and talk a bit and answer their questions satisfactorily. Then they’d sign you off and that was that. The last one to sign me off was the Director, and next to his initials he wrote “5 slips-1 on yourself”. I was like…”WHAT!!!” This man saw a belief system that I was hanging on to as a serious obstacle to any type of progress I might make and challenged me to tear it down. Believe me when I say I agonized over his addendum. I woke up in the middle of the night and fretted. It was as though I heard the voice of God speaking to me. “Anything, huh?” I was at a crossroads that was life or death. If I fail to do anything about the way I really am and just take the dope and booze away I’m as good as dead anyway. What have I got to lose? What some knuckleheaded convict pinhead addict thinks or says about me? I’m talkin’ major league make or break me here, so I cannot let any outside influence be the determining factor. I surrender and commit.
The process of “dropping a slip” was not some undercover thing you did on the slide and no one ever knew who it was. If someone was doing a major rule violation and you observed them you confronted them and let them know what you saw or whatever the case may be. Fair warning was given and if they chose to repeat the behavior and you chose to go to “The Box” you still had to re-confront them and let them know the measure you had taken. When the “Box” was emptied and consequences were passed out you had to confront the accused in front of the community. The hard part.
Needless to say I abandoned that lifelong code I’d lived by and did what I had to do. And I will also tell you that the mere act of doing what I did absolutely LIBERATED me. I came to be known as one that was serious about recovery and if you felt like acting really ignorant or foolish it was not a good idea to do it in front of me. On one occasion one of the guys does his dangedest to tear up one of the picnic tables there by jumping up on it. I do what accountability requires and when I confont the guy it’s “Check this out hoss. I got good news and bad news. The good news? There’s a slip in the box with your name on the top and my name on the bottom. The bad news? Now you have to be a man about it.” “If that’s what it takes to keep you sober…” “As a matter of fact. That IS what it takes to keep me sober.”
You guys can call it whatever you like but never, and I repeat NEVER make the claim that you know what Jesus would do or not do.
Peace Patrick…..I’m out GT
the irony is, a program you make a volitional choice to participate in their rules, just like any other gang, and your signiture is a vow to abide by those rules or accept the consequences if they are broken: just like any real gang or other military institution.
politics is different. there is no signitures creating some kind of obligation on the part of citizens to be aware of or follow any rules or regulations. there is no contract. no word. no bond. youre born here and threatened and abused into being to scared to go after the things you really want.
i dont mind being held accountable for what i do. im sure God does a perfect (i hope? please please please please please) job of making sure every one of us gets exactly what we deserve.
anybody who uses the word “snitch” or “snitching” should understand that the name of the game is in being
held accountable by God alone, by not giving man an opportunity to do so. (i.e. by entering into any dumbass contracts. like joining a gang!! lol)
and dont ever make a claim to know anything if u want to b smart about ya shit….