I just happened to come across your post and I’m sure a lot has changed since August. More than likely you are still using or dependent on some drug. At the end of the day we all know, all being addicts, how to stop and what it really takes to stop. It’s hard to part with this drug because it’s always like the honeymoon period of a romantic relationship. It’s the one and only thing that can alter our judgement beyond any imaginable scenario were common sense would never let us make the choices we do in addiction. Of course all of these choices has resulted in traumatic losses and consequences that can never be erased. I won’t babble on about all of that, but going back to your story. I noticed you got off the methadone by drinking so that tells me two things; one, you had some thought that made you think you should not be on this drug for some reason. Only you know the answer to what that was. Two, you have cross addiction because you became reliant on the bottle. So your probably thinking no shit, but at the end of the day this complicates the outcome for you say to a addict who is just addicted to one thing. My recommendation to this, which won’t be cheap or can be half ass in any way, and you know what I mean, you need to find a CLINACAL psychologist with high qualifications in addiction. Not some wack job who you walk in there office and tell you your bipolar and put you on antidepressants and suboxone and send you on your way. You need a theral assessment of your issues, medical testing, and individual therapy to come out what will be best for based on what you honestly think you can do and the opinion of the doctor. Personally, not that I ever follow my advice, but personally I don’t feel we need to be on any of that shit to stay sober. Unless you have a severe mental disorder than yes it can be justified. People do get sober, people do get sober than relapse, people never get sober, most people die from this disease. It’s just the law of the balance system. It’s the facts, and as you know you can’t change the facts. This is not a tangible thing in which you really work a program that works for you, and I emphasis on that because that can be ANY program, not just a 12 step, any program and in time, just like the promises say, sometimes we see results quickly most of the times it slowlllyyyyy. Best of luck as I know what your dealing with. This black cloud follows me around like a shadow. Fight the good fight….

Jason