The question sounds like a real no-brainer. Am I an alcoholic? Yet it is deceptively difficult to know for sure when you are first teetering on the brink of the disease.
For most of the world, it is painfully obvious to us when someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic. We all know the classic signs and symptoms, and we (unfortunately) get to shamelessly follow along as different celebrities deal with the disease of addiction. If you are anything like I was, then you initially chalked up the phenomenon of addiction and alcoholism to weak-willed individuals who are either lazy or stupid. What a slap in the face it was when I finally had to face my own demons and admit that I had a problem.
But addiction can creep up on anyone. Many people go their whole lives with no sign of it, and they are able to drink “normally,” and then suddenly develop alcoholism after they retire. In addition to the “late blooming alcoholics” out there, virtually anyone and everyone is open to the possible danger of opiate addiction through a simple slip-and-fall accident. There are also people who have developed wicked insomnia, and have quickly become addicted to sleeping medication. In short, no one is immune to the potential for addiction, so a bit of direction in the art of self diagnosis might be helpful to some people out there.
Keep in mind that self-diagnosis is the only way. No one can tell you if you are an addict or not. There have been plenty of college students, for example, who drank and used drugs very heavily for a period of their lives, and were able to successfully return to a normal life of moderation and social drinking. They are not “true” alcoholics and addicts. Others might have told them that they were addicts, but clearly they were not. Therefore, you will have to diagnosis yourself.
Diagnosis via The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous has a suggestion for those who are questioning themselves at this point: go try some controlled drinking. Set limits on your intake and stick to them no matter what. Have a 3 drink maximum for yourself. If you happen to use other substances, then set similar limits for those (relatively low amounts). Then, see how you feel when you are actively trying to control your intake. Notice if there is any hint of resentment at having to control and limit your using. Watch yourself and have an awareness about how content you are. If you are an alcoholic or a drug addict, chances are that you will be restless and irritable when trying to limit and control your using. If you are out at the bar with friends, or having drinks over dinner, then you will be more worried about how much you are drinking and not able to enjoy yourself. If this is the case, then what is that really telling you?
“Normal” people (those who are NOT alcoholic) do not obsess over drinking in any way, nor do they become irritated if you make them limit their intake. “Normal” people are perfectly fine with a single glass of wine at dinner, or having no alcohol at all. Notice that any alcoholic can actually control and limit their drinking, but not for any considerable length of time. That is why the disease is so cunning. An alcoholic can fool themselves into thinking that they can control it, simply because they manage to drink moderately and responsibly in the short run. But the true alcoholic or addict who continues to attempt moderation will always return to their full blown level of use at some point. So give it some time. If you are gritting your teeth while trying to limit your use, and you eventually go off the deep end and drink or use very heavily when you hadn’t planned on it, then you are probably addicted.
There is another saying that can help shed some light here. “I didn’t get into trouble every time I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.” In other words, don’t fool yourself just because you don’t land in jail every time you get drunk. Again, this goes back to the idea of control. Almost any alcoholic can control their consumption in the short run. Sooner or later–for real alcoholics–it always catches up with them.
You’re reading this, aren’t you?
The simple fact that you’ve landed on this website and you’re reading this article is already tipping the balance towards an alcoholic diagnosis. Meaning that if you have to ask, chances are good that you are an alcoholic. “Normal” people don’t wonder if they are addicted. “Normal” people don’t question whether or not they might be an alcoholic. Simply questioning yourself is a strong indication that you might be addicted.
Problem drinker versus Alcoholic
There is a revealing saying in AA: “If you give someone booze and they have a problem, that’s a problem drinker. On the other hand, an alcoholic has a problem when you take the booze away.” In other words, true alcoholics have a problem with living sober. Without a program of recovery, they will tend to be “restless, irritable, and discontent.”
So ask yourself: do you tend to have problems when you drink or use drugs, or do you have a paralyzing fear when you imagine your life without any chemicals? If you’re leaning towards the second answer more than the first, then chances are good that you’re an addict.
If you’ve decided that you are addicted, please explore this website further, or contact me directly through email and I will respond within 24 hours.
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Hello Pat, it is great to see that someone is out there listening to people and providing help and support. I came across this place because I know I am an alcoholic, the worst thing is that I cannot admit it to myself when I am sober. After I am done work I just crash and burn. I don’t drink at work or in the morning when I wake up, but I drink everyday, in that way I mean I go out and buy an 18 pack, or a mickey and some tall boys and polish them off in a night, show up for work the next morning looking like shit, have some coffee, then do it all again the next day. I am only 24, but I have been doing this for an honest 6 years or more now. All my friends drink and we always have a good time and miney is not an issuie, we all good jobs and have fun. I myself own a brand new ATV, truck, motorcycle, and lots of other things, but i am always broke execept for smokes and beer. I am realizing stuff now because I have fucked up two relationships because of drinking ( I think so anyway, I am not dr. phil here, but I am not the kind of guy that gets around, but I have lost out on two beautiful people in four years, like seriousl y hot girls, ( ilive in a small town where there isnt alot of people) anyway the vodka is kick ing now so I better fisnih off… in other words how do you tell someone who know they drink way too much to lay off the sause? I know I am capable of sooo much more but I just feel like I can;t.
-Thanks.
I think my brother is an alcoholic, even though my parents deny it. They too drink, not so much anymore but every night they have a few. My brother’s drinking has caused so many problems. He has been thrown out of many accommodation, he has bashed and has assault charges against him. My mothers says he goes weeks without drinking but then always binges so is not an alcoholic. He drinks for four days sometimes until he passes out and can drink no more. He is abusive towards me, he calls me derogatory names and has been a pain and gotten me thrown out of my accommodation. He does not realise his behaviour is bad and laughs about it. He has girlfriends who has problems and also has problems with substance abuse and tobacco. He has been drinking since he was 13 years old and is now 39. None of my family realise how bad his problem is because they are drinkers too. I am a non drinker and always have been. He is not willing to seek help for his addiction and has no respect for me because I don’t work and he works hard. Please help.
@ Melina – I would seek counsel at an Al-Anon meeting, and I think they will tell you to use a “tough love” approach. That means you need to let him make his own mistakes at this point, in the hope that he will come to a point of surrender.
Whatever you do, do not make it easy for him to continue to screw up. I would distance myself from abuse, too. Good luck.
I would like to thank you because I have been wondering if I am an alcoholic for 20 years now. It has escallated into drinking beer every day now and I am scared because I seem to have no control. I get the idea in my head and off I go to the beer store. I have always been an alcoholic since I was old enough to drink and I would like to take steps to stop. I had an unfortunate accident at work and wcb gave me enough money so I can live for awhile without working and this is how I have been dealing with it.I also am trying to quit smoking.
i noticed there haven’t been any replies in a while, and honestly, i don’t even want one. i just really need to get this out of me.
to call myself an alcoholic would be incredibly inaccurate. for as much as i drink, i really have no extreme preference to alcohol. the truth is i’m an addict. i’ve been fucked up one way or another damn near every day since the age of 13. by the time i was 15 if i couldn’t find a way to score anything i would resort to heavily abusing inhalants. by the time i was 18 i was jobless, with no education or special skills, but thanks to my friendly enablers i was drinking all day every day.
i recently returned from a deployment in iraq (by the way, i’m in the military) and i clearly remember before i left that i could easily kill a 24 pack of whatever, and still be able to wake up at 5:30 so i could go to work. ever run 6 miles early in the morning after a long night of boozin’? i can’t even lie…it’s a blast. but it’s funny because after a year in the desert, i came back to america with just about the same tolerance level i left with. naturally i puked my guts out the first night, but since then i’ve been fine. a week ago it was my 21st birthday. i got off work, drank a twelve pack (in my room, by myself with the speakers on full blast as usual) then i went to the bar (legally) for the first time and me and three of my buddies drank 4 pitchers, then went home to drink some more. you know what ended up happening? i drank all night long. i drank until it was 5:30 in the morning and then i shaved my face, put on my PT uniform, and went to work.
this worries me. i refuse to end up a lonely alcoholic, but unfortunately it looks like my best option. i don’t enjoy sobriety. to be honest i don’t enjoy life in general. yeah, you could say i’m “self medicating” and all that bullshit, but in reality i know that all i’m trying to do is speed up time. but for some reason i’m genuinely looking forward to rehab. i love to talk about my problems (but i never do, hence the reason i’m here) and i love listening to other people’s problems. but it sucks because i know that i’m not gonna stop until i hit rock bottom. and i hope i hit that fucker hard.
@ Brian – I would say that many alcoholics do not look forward to sobriety. I figured that I would rather die than to be sober. I thought I would never have fun ever again.
It took time for me to get to a place where I could look back in my sobriety and see how my priorities had shifted, and how life was now worth living again. This did not happen overnight, nor did it happen in one month. It took a few months. Maybe more than a few. But at one point, I think I had about 8 months sober, I realized that I had gone through an ENTIRE DAY without thinking about drinking. Not once. And I predicted that this would never happen for me. Because I thought I was different. I thought I was the only drunk in the world who really loved being drunk.
I think you are finding your bottom right now, Brian. Make a decision. Ask for help. You don’t have to be in prison for this recovery thing to work for you.
Take action now….
Hi I know that I am an alcholic, but I want to change my life and I know it is time. My problem is that my partner of five years is also an alcholic and does not seem like he wants to change. I love him very much and do not want to lose him. What can I do for the both of us?
@ Shawn – that is a very, very difficult question with no easy answer. No perfect answer.
My best answer is this universal truth: you recover alone. When you overcome addiction, you do it alone.
If you try to “buddy up” in order to beat an addiction, one, or both will fail.
I know this because I tried to enlist others to buddy up with me to quit smoking cigarettes many, many times. Never worked. Only when I got serious and did it on my own did it finally work out.
I would say: get sober for yourself, by yourself. He will either follow your example or he won’t. If he doesn’t, then you have another major decision on your hands.
Get sober first, then go to Al-anon. Many, many recovering alcoholics would seriously benefit from going to Al-anon in their early recovery.
As counter-intuitive as it may sound, I really think the best way forward is to get sober one at a time. That is based on watching people in recovery for almost 10 years now.
In fact, of those couples who try to make recovery work together, I have never seen success. Not once. But they have pulled through by getting sober individually, sometimes even separating briefly, and then coming back together later on.
Can someone hopefully give me some advice, ive been with my partner for 8 months now and i am at the point of giving up….
Basically its alcohol, he used to “smoke” every night but has cut down since i came around, though now.. his alternative is alcohol. He works hard all day without alcohol (i think) but the moment he gets home he wants it. I can understand someone wanting a beer etc after a hard day at work to relaxx but i feel this is too much. The problem with him is it cant just have one, and once he starts he cant stop, and he drinks very very quickly to begin with and slows right down once he is drunk, then he crashes out early because he is drunk. I tried everything, i moaned – he carried on. i let him drink what he wanted (which was every night) – no change, and i tried to get him to cut it out during the week and just drink weekends.. there is the ocassional excuse to drink like a celebration but i happen to be working so “we will celebrate when i finish” yet it never happens cause i know his behaviour under the influence so he is asleep within an hour. i dont know what to do. ive found cans hidden. ive been lied to about how much he has had, and i generally believe he is drinking behind my back.. i’ve been with him 8 months… i know when he has been drinking, and i know his behaviour, but yet when he says he has had 3 drinks yet seems half cut, and claims its cause he is tired, i dont know what to think any more…
Just writing an update. I posted back in March 2010 (post #48) regarding my own issues with drinking. Since March I continued to drink and increased to probably drinking 2 times during the week at home and then 1-2 times on weekends. Still getting black out drunk regularly.
In late August, I got in an argument with my boyfriend when we were both very drunk and I ended up laying down in the middle of a busy road at 3am because I wanted to give up on life. I’ve been sober since that day. Today will be 46 days. I started going to counseling again and my family is aware of the situation and has been very supportive. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m an alcoholic, but am still struggling with the idea and fact that I really should never drink again. I’m taking it one day at a time and trying to keep my depression in check as well.
My drinking brought out the worst of my depression and I hadn’t had suicidal attempts or even ideations for a long period of time prior to the incident, expect when drinking, and only when i was drinking with my boyfriend. I’ve come to realize that I think he has a problem with alcohol, too, but he’s not ready to admit it. He has been supportive of me not drinking and has not drank in my presence since that night.
Just wanted to share that it took me the experience and reality check that I could’ve died that night to really make me realize this needed to change.
@ Jay – wow that is an intense story and a powerful revelation for you. Thanks for sharing it with us here. Good luck to you going forward, it sounds like you have made peace with yourself and with your alcoholism…..
Wow, I have a problem, thats for sure. Totally me. I have no insurance and could never afford a program. Thank you
i belived everything until the last part where you were talkin about problem drinking and alcaholics. i do not have a paralyzing fear but i drink just about everyday and when i get off work and when i cant get any alcahol i feel moody and irritated and pissed off and restless. but when i do get my drink i feel like a normal person? i do not know if i got a problem or its just passing cause i am drunk but what im sayings true. so i have asked myself this question before and i still dont know
Dear Patrick,
My first step in wanting to stop drinking and was so pleased when I saw your website. This has been the first morning in over 6 months where I have gotten up from bed and NOT made my morning cocktail for myself. My financee leaves early for work and my job does not begin until the mid afternoon. I use to think I was a social drinker, that became then a heavy drinker,and now where I feel I am probably a “functional alcoholic”. I know there is alcoholism that runs in my family and it was acceptable to drink at an early age in my growing up years. I have at least 3 cocktails every night.
Drinking has affected my self esteem, physical appearance and my relationship with my financee. I am known as the girl with a Martini glass in her hand each night. When I go to functions and are around people who are also heavy drinkers, I feel not as intimitated to those who do drink little or no alcohol at all. Patrick can you offer some advice of encouragement. I am a good person, kind, considerate and work hard at my job. It’s funny Patrick because if I have NO alcohol around me, I seem to be able to go without it. It is when I know it is at my fingertips which always makes it more enticing. I never get sick, get the jitters or out of control. I look forward to your response. Thank you!
@ Mary – well if you do well when you are not around alcohol then I would highly recommend a 30 day trial where you abstain from alcohol completely.
If you just quit alcohol for a week or so then you will not get a good grasp of the benefits of sobriety. In fact, even 30 days is not enough for most drinkers to really notice the benefits.
I would say to try a full year of sobriety and really commit to it. If you do it you will never look back because your life will become so much better.
Good luck.
Hi,
I guess I’d consider myself an alcoholic. The thing is I don’t know how to get help.
I’m 16 years old. My dad keeps a heavy supply of alchol in the house. When I say heavy supply I mean we have leteratly 100′s of bottles ranging from rums to vodka’s to champagne. He does not notice when I take it, and I drink every day till I pass out.
The truth is he lets me have it. When my friends come over he will let us smoke pot, and drink in the basement.
I don’t know how to get help, and am thinking about suicide. I hate my life.
Hey I’m seventeen and have a problem with alcohol abuse. I can not get the idea tht I can live a sober life, I’m always drunk and wanna be it to avoid pressures I’m my life. I have to deal with friends wher I am pretty much a second father for them to makee sure they don’t hurt themselves or abuse while at the same time I gotta deal with my own problems with the family and I am seeing a therapist which helps when I’m there but the second I leave and I’m on my own all I can thbink about is how can I afford the boos and where can I drink with out getting caught. I’m a really smart man and ik I need help but I’m a senior in january and can’t go to rehab nor deal with the pressures of giving up alcohol in my life. Besides tellin me I need rehab and AA can u please giv me some ideas to help me.
@ Brandon,
I’m not sure if you will check this, considering you posted about 2 months ago…..but, wanted to let you know that there are resources in every state for you to be able to get help with dealing with drug or alcohol issues, even though you are only 16, and you can also get help without your parents consent or without your parents knowing if you don’t want them to. There are federal laws that allow you to get treatment on your own without your parents consent. I would recommended you look up the phone number for your local “drug and alcohol commission”. Every county has one. Just google your county and drug and alcohol commission. Call them and they should be able to tell you where you can go for treatment. If you don’t have health insurance they also have programs that will pay for you to do treatment since you’re an adolescent.
Another option is if you’re still in high school, you could also talk to your school guidance counselor or get involved with the Student Assistance program in your school through the guidance department. Every state is required to have a student assistance program and they normally are able to help you get involved with these services as well.
Hope that helps and I hope you realize that there are people out there that care about you and want you to be okay!
hi ive been struggling for the past couple of years trying to admit to myself i have a problem wen i drink ,ive had so many bad things happen whilst drinking which give me the sence to seek help an go to a aa meeting i just cldnt decide if i was the reall deal ,i started drinking wen i was 14 very young i started smoking canibis when iwas 13 .my drinking starting getting out of control in my early 20′s im now 27 ,ive been arrested on a few occasions for drunken disordly ,i have a complete personality change everytime i drink either im on a high and happy or i become really dreppressed ,the thing is i used to be able to drink the next day years ago but now i cant although i wake feeling very anxious and deppressed, i just stay in bed all day. i know its only me who can work out if im an alcoholic or not ,but it does confuse me alot cos i can go a week sometime without drinking its only when i pick up the drink is the problem
How kind of you, Patrick, to give up your time to respond to people on this site! I was looking for some ideas as to whether my alcohol consumption was something to worry about. I THINK I’m OK, but could probably do with cutting down, as I’ve got into the habit of having a couple of drinks in the evening after work. I don’t get hangovers and I don’t get drunk, just relaxed. I like your idea of seeing if I can totally go without drinking for a few weeks and seeing how stressful that is. I’m really hoping I don’t have a problem as I do enjoy drinking socially. Thanks again for providing such a great and useful service.
I wanted to thank-you very much for taking the time to write this article. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed reading it and how much sense it made to me. Finally, answers! I just turned 29 and I have been struggling with staying sober for the past five months. I had 30 days then went back out for a few weeks drinking 2-3 times a week. Two weeks ago I had 63 days and then went out and drank. I ended up blacking out after 6 drinks… :( I felt like all my hard work for the 63 days was gone. I have been too embarressed to go back to the AA meetings and after having another 10 days clean, I went out and drank again. Nothing bad has happened but I know if I don’t get control of my drinking it will eventually lead to trouble. I really like your quote, “I didn’t get into trouble everytime I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking. ”
I am just wondering what you did when you felt the urge to drink?
Hi, thanks for writing this post – it was very interesting and insightful. I feel like I’m not quite yet an alcoholic, but that I am certainly nearing the cusp of alcoholism. As it stands, I don’t like the idea of limiting my alcohol intake, but I do feel that I could if I promised it to myself – but if I continue my recent drinking habits then I may well not anymore be able to do that.
For the last three weeks now I’ve been drinking every day, and on Friday I showed up to work with a hangover for the first time, and on Saturday night I was sick on my floor which was not very pleasant.
Despite this, I feel that it has become a habit rather than yet a full-blown addiction, though what I am finding difficult is summoning the motivation to curb my drinking. Perhaps I will find that motivation if I do eventually become a true alcoholic.
Hello,I have been with the father of my kids for almost 8yrs.He has always been a drinker.He has been drinking since 15 now his 26.I hate it so much since am not a drinker I tell him to stop and not to do it in font of the kids but it always ends in an argument.he has the need to drink everyday and not just 1 but 2 of the 16oz 4pack.I really don’t know what to do,I love him but this drinking it killing the relationship I tell him he is an alcoholic but he tells me there’s no way he is for the amount he drinks.please I need an opinion is he an alcoholic?i don’t know what to do…
Hi Patrick –
I began to drink and do drugs fairly heavy in around ’02-’03 following a divorce and death of my remaining parent. I was a periodic, 3 maybe 4 nights per week. In the party lifestyle, living downtown, etc…by ’06 it was bad. Health problems unrelated to alcohol, then financial problems largely from drugs/alcohol, BUT – the core problem was increasing depression and anxiety – particular socially. I was diagnosed as such. I’ve been in AA four years and have never had more than 5 months sober. I am now in a 2-month period where I am able to control my drinking, and am doing so about once or twice a week – usually while on a date. I almost WANT to be a 12-Step practicing member of AA, but Step 1 just seems to elude me. Any thoughts? I know the reality is that I may just have to risk the progression occuring again if I continue to drink in moderation. It is truly cunning, powerful and baffling.
I actually clicked on this article because I am dating a guy who I think is hiding an alcohol problem. I was married to one twice so i know the obvious signs. But my gut is telling me something is fishy. When the subject of alcoholism comes up he gets ANGRY and defensive.
When he isnt with me and he hangs out at his neighbors the next day he calls off from work.
I don’t know if I am just gun shy but RED FLAG is up and my alcoholic radar is screaming.
Any advice? opinions?
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