The question sounds like a real no-brainer. Am I an alcoholic? Yet it is deceptively difficult to know for sure when you are first teetering on the brink of the disease.
For most of the world, it is painfully obvious to us when someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic. We all know the classic signs and symptoms, and we (unfortunately) get to shamelessly follow along as different celebrities deal with the disease of addiction. If you are anything like I was, then you initially chalked up the phenomenon of addiction and alcoholism to weak-willed individuals who are either lazy or stupid. What a slap in the face it was when I finally had to face my own demons and admit that I had a problem.
But addiction can creep up on anyone. Many people go their whole lives with no sign of it, and they are able to drink “normally,” and then suddenly develop alcoholism after they retire. In addition to the “late blooming alcoholics” out there, virtually anyone and everyone is open to the possible danger of opiate addiction through a simple slip-and-fall accident. There are also people who have developed wicked insomnia, and have quickly become addicted to sleeping medication. In short, no one is immune to the potential for addiction, so a bit of direction in the art of self diagnosis might be helpful to some people out there.
Keep in mind that self-diagnosis is the only way. No one can tell you if you are an addict or not. There have been plenty of college students, for example, who drank and used drugs very heavily for a period of their lives, and were able to successfully return to a normal life of moderation and social drinking. They are not “true” alcoholics and addicts. Others might have told them that they were addicts, but clearly they were not. Therefore, you will have to diagnosis yourself.
Diagnosis via The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous has a suggestion for those who are questioning themselves at this point: go try some controlled drinking. Set limits on your intake and stick to them no matter what. Have a 3 drink maximum for yourself. If you happen to use other substances, then set similar limits for those (relatively low amounts). Then, see how you feel when you are actively trying to control your intake. Notice if there is any hint of resentment at having to control and limit your using. Watch yourself and have an awareness about how content you are. If you are an alcoholic or a drug addict, chances are that you will be restless and irritable when trying to limit and control your using. If you are out at the bar with friends, or having drinks over dinner, then you will be more worried about how much you are drinking and not able to enjoy yourself. If this is the case, then what is that really telling you?
“Normal” people (those who are NOT alcoholic) do not obsess over drinking in any way, nor do they become irritated if you make them limit their intake. “Normal” people are perfectly fine with a single glass of wine at dinner, or having no alcohol at all. Notice that any alcoholic can actually control and limit their drinking, but not for any considerable length of time. That is why the disease is so cunning. An alcoholic can fool themselves into thinking that they can control it, simply because they manage to drink moderately and responsibly in the short run. But the true alcoholic or addict who continues to attempt moderation will always return to their full blown level of use at some point. So give it some time. If you are gritting your teeth while trying to limit your use, and you eventually go off the deep end and drink or use very heavily when you hadn’t planned on it, then you are probably addicted.
There is another saying that can help shed some light here. “I didn’t get into trouble every time I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.” In other words, don’t fool yourself just because you don’t land in jail every time you get drunk. Again, this goes back to the idea of control. Almost any alcoholic can control their consumption in the short run. Sooner or later–for real alcoholics–it always catches up with them.
You’re reading this, aren’t you?
The simple fact that you’ve landed on this website and you’re reading this article is already tipping the balance towards an alcoholic diagnosis. Meaning that if you have to ask, chances are good that you are an alcoholic. “Normal” people don’t wonder if they are addicted. “Normal” people don’t question whether or not they might be an alcoholic. Simply questioning yourself is a strong indication that you might be addicted.
Problem drinker versus Alcoholic
There is a revealing saying in AA: “If you give someone booze and they have a problem, that’s a problem drinker. On the other hand, an alcoholic has a problem when you take the booze away.” In other words, true alcoholics have a problem with living sober. Without a program of recovery, they will tend to be “restless, irritable, and discontent.”
So ask yourself: do you tend to have problems when you drink or use drugs, or do you have a paralyzing fear when you imagine your life without any chemicals? If you’re leaning towards the second answer more than the first, then chances are good that you’re an addict.
If you’ve decided that you are addicted, please explore this website further, or contact me directly through email and I will respond within 24 hours.
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{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
I would like to talk to you about my drining problem.
Hi there Brian
Feel free to visit the “contact” page and email me at any time. I will do whatever I can to help you.
I Know I am an alcoholic , I dont drink everyday nor am I homeless , or broke , I have a good job ,a nice car a nice home and I pay my bills every month but every other day almost , I get shit faced till I pass out and my life is virtually run by what other activities will interfere with my drinking besides my job. I want to live a fullfilling life but I am drowning in a bottle that is 20 yrs old and I feel trapped . I Cannot go to rehab because there is people that depend on my income. please help me . If I dont quit soon I know I will die , I Need sleeping pills to sleep and pills to stay awake during the day and my life is out of control , do not suggest and AA meeting as I have been there and it works until I have the urge to drink which is usually within a day or 2 . Any advice would help
Hi Sue
You say that you cannot go to rehab, and you also say not suggest AA meetings because you have done them before. That cuts out quite a large portion of potential support!
There are two possibilities here. One is that you need other people to help you get clean and sober. The second possibility is that you can do it yourself.
I wanted to believe that I could do it myself. The truth was that I needed other people to help me. If this turns out to be the case for you, then you are going to have to reach out for help in some way.
There are probably alternatives out there to rehab and support groups, but I’m not familiar with them. I wish I had a magic bullet that could help you to get clean and sober without having to ask for help….but I don’t know of one.
One more thing to consider: if people depend on your income, what will happen if your life spins even further out of control? Can that income be sustained if something really bad happens to you?
I wish the best for you Sue and I hope you can find a way to get back into recovery. God bless.
How do I know? How, can I tell exactly? I drink, when I go out, or socially with friends. I don’t feel as though I have a problem. However, when I’m with friends I can polish off an entire fith of vodka, in less than a half hour, and I’m left still wanting more. At bars, I run my tab, until my debit/credit cards are maxed out. There have been occasional times that I’ve drank alone, in my room. Infact now, after writing this, I’m craving a jack & coke. I’m only 22 years old. Do I honestly have a problem??
I was engaged to a wonderful man and was going to leave Ohio and move to be with him in Tennessee. I was going to be giving up my job, leave my children, the youngest just starting college. Well, he drinks very much. He gets angry over the meaningless things when he is drinking. He says things that hurts my feelings when he is drinking. He says he is not an alcoholic, but an alcohol abuser.
We had a fight over the weekend and before we called it quits we decided to really think about things. Well, he gave me a list of things I had to do or change in order for him to be able to have a relationship with me. These things included leaving my job, changing schools (i’m in college at the age of 47), leaving my mom, sisters, brother, and children. I told him I would consider it. I told him that I needed him to quit drinking. I said that I am the one who gets my feelings hurt when he drinks and he doesn’t remember saying things. Well, he told me that one day when he quits drinking, he will call me. I say this man is an alcoholic. He says no. He says he can control his drinking but he also says he loves to drink. Can I get his to see that he has a problem?
Hi Brenda
My heart goes out to you, I think you’re in a very tough situation. The problem with trying to get him to see things your way is that it will come off as pushy and manipulative on your part, even though you are genuinely trying to help him.
It’s impossible to tell someone that they are an alcoholic. They have to admit it for themselves, and to themselves. To their innermost self. Only then will someone start to change. If he loves to drink, but says he can control it, then this is probably a contradiction. If he truly limits himself, he probably isn’t having any fun and is resentful of the fact that he has to control his drinking. If so, then that is a strong indicator right there.
Unfortunately there are no easy solutions to this. Hopefully he will either back off the drinking or come to a realization and seek help. There’s not a lot you can do other than make sure you’re not enabling him to continue to hurt himself. Sometimes the best we can do is to stay out of the way.
Anyway, good luck to you Brenda and take care, stay safe. I hope things work out for you.
Hey I am writing to you regarding a family member. He drinks straight vodka and whiskey most evenings and always drinks on his own either in his bedroom or sits in his car in the drive and gets wasted. He still holds down a full time job but does nothing around the house and has no motivation. He won’t listen to any of us and believes he does not have a problem! He lucks unwell he is very thin and his skin is blotchy and his eyes some mornings are red roar.. I really want to help him what can I do?
Look forward to your reply..
Hi there Craig
Really all you can do is one of 2 things:
1) encourage him to get help, and
2) Not enable him further
Really that’s about it. Now there are lots of options in those 2 ideas. One is to organize a formal intervention, maybe look into some treatment centers in your area, see if they can help with that, or if you can arrange to get him checked in some where, but then of course you have to convince him go give it a try. That might be difficult/impossible.
The other idea is about you and your family. You could go to an Al-Anon meeting and get information about how to behave around him, so that you don’t enable him in any way. Basically the idea is to let him take on the consequences of his drinking, do not rescue him, and hopefully this will lead to his wanting to get help.
I’ve seen people suggest contacting the employer to get them involved in an intervention and a push for treatment, but I would have a tendency to avoid that route.
At any rate, good luck to you and to him, God bless.
Hi Craig,
I am 24 years old, and am having a really tough time admitting my disease of alcoholism. I know that I fit the description of an alcoholic, such as sometimes losing control when I drink, a change of personality, and blackouts. There are several times when I can have a couple of drinks and be fine, but I am never sure when that will be. I guess I am just scared of thinking that I will never have a drink again in my life! I am only 24 and not married, and the thought of not being able to drink champagne at my own wedding freaks me out! Also, all of my friends drink, and my social life revolves around drinking on the weekends. I am so scared and do not know what to do. I am also afraid of hanging out with friends and others, such as my boyfriends family, and not drinking b/c I have a hard time letting loose sober. Any suggestions would be great!!!
Sorry! I meant to post that for Patrick. I just saw Craigs name and put that on accident! Oops!!!
hi, my boyfriend is a soldier in the army, and he’s recently been drinking to the point where he cannot remember anything. i just found out he’s been doing cocaine aswell and he cheated on me with one of my friends when he was drunk.
i confronted him about it and he was so shocked and ashamed to find out he could have done this to me. he honestly didnt remember a thing.
i’m really hurting inside but i cant stay angry. now, all i want to do is help him and make sure this never happens again, but how do i?
Hi there Hattie
Sounds like you and your boyfriend are going through some rough times. If he is truly an alcoholic or an addict then you should consider some space. That doesn’t mean you have to break up but it might help him to realize that you’re not going to accept a lifetime of addiction and abuse on his part. You might also try going to an Al-Anon meeting so that you can learn more about how not to enable him. The quicker he can surrender to his disease the better. Until he does, there is likely going to be a roller coaster ride in store for you and for the relationship in general. Things always get worse with an addiction, never better. They only appear to get better on the surface for a short time and then you realize that his drinking is worse than it was before. This is the cycle and the trap of addiction.
Don’t let it ruin your life, too. Perhaps find a way to step back enough so that he can see what he is doing to himself. Only when he really takes an honest look at himself can he consider a real change. He needs to surrender. That will not happen if everything is going good for him.
I hope this helps you in some general way. No magic bullet for you, I’m afraid to say. But we are praying for you and good luck to both of you….
I think my husband is an alcoholic. He drinks everyday 3-4 beers after he gets home from work which is after 8pm. He drinks everyday. He gets up every morning and goes to work without every calling in sick or being late. He had a DUI once over 12 years ago, before I knew him. Every time I have ever brought up the subject of his drinking he gets defensive and act as if I’m over reacting.
We had a verbal blow out about 2 months ago and I told him he had to stop for a week and we would see if the beer was causing some of our problems. He made it 2 days before asking if he could have a beer. He bought non-alcohol beer to try and stop his cravings, but, in the end he was drinking before the week was over.
He never drinks more than the 3-5 beers and he does not drive after drinking.
How do I judge if he is drinking too much. The only people it affects are myself and the children. His Father and rest of his family all drink socially, so I believe that he truly believes his drinking is normal.
What resources can I use to have him receive a wake up call from someone who is a proffesional in addiction?
I noticed in the previous answers to questions you always say to stop enabling the drinker. I don’t buy it, put it in the fridge, or remind him when he is low. How else could I be enabling him that I don’t know?
I love my husband but he is so far removed from me now that I feel something has to give.
Thanks for taking the time to listen.
Hi Jennifer
This is a tricky situation and I don’t want to throw an opinion out there such as “oh he is definitely an alcoholic, things are just going to get worse.” Some would call me naive but I just cannot make that diagnosis.
And I don’t necessarily think anyone can, except for the alcoholic himself. That is part of the problem.
On the one hand, I can’t believe that someone could be an alcoholic if they never drink more than 5 beers. On the other hand, how much we drank is not important, it’s how the booze affected us and what consequences we suffered.
I just don’t know what to tell you….if he is an alcoholic then it sounds like he has a long road ahead of him, as most do not even think of quitting until they have suffered major consequences and really gone through a lot of turmoil over their drinking.
On the other hand it doesn’t sound like you are enabling him at all, he is still quite functional. If there is no problem then there is no problem.
I’ll have to think some more about this one. Keep us posted with any developments. Does anyone else have any insight into this for Jennifer?
Thank you for answering so fast. Even if someone can’t solve your problems in one letter, it’s nice to know there is someone that knows how you feel.
Is there a web site or place to go to find a questionair on alcoholism? I feel I would only have one shot at this and I would like whatever advise that others could share with me. Jen
Here is a test right here that asks you questions to determine if you might have a problem with alcohol:
http://www.alcoholscreening.org/
I am having a problem facing the reality of me being an alcoholic. I don’t believe that I am, but my wife does. I love her, and I don’t want to lose her. She has just recently, in the past week begun to go to AA meetings. She believes she is an alcoholic, but I don’t. She doesn’t drink much at all, maybe 1 drink a week. She said she went to the meeting because she had questions about how to find out if you are, but the questions were to find out if I was an alcoholic. Now she suddenly thinks she is. She is threatening to leave my and I feel like I’ve just been blind-sided. I don’t know what to do. Alcoholism runs strong in both of our families, but I really feel like I can control myself. Yes there have been instances of unfortunate events and very bad decisions on my part, when I was (under the influence), but I’ve learned from them and they won’t happen again. But still, my world is crashing around me. I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?
Hi there Stan
It sounds to me like you are wrestling with the idea that you might be an alcoholic.
Maybe you aren’t one. I don’t know, and no one can tell you whether you are or not.
The Big Book of AA has a suggestion for you: try a prolonged period of controlled drinking. Take one drink per day for a year, for example. If you slip up and go beyond your one drink limit, then that is a huge red flag. Or you could try complete abstinence for a few months. Set up a time frame and stick to it.
Be especially aware of how you feel when you are limiting your intake. If it drives you nuts or takes a real effort to limit your alcohol intake, then that is a huge red flag. “Normal” people have no problem with restricting themselves to 2 drinks per night. It is easy for them to do. If you limit yourself like this but have smoke rolling out of your ears all night, then you might want to take a look at your drinking.
Good luck to both you and your wife….
that’s bullshit that because i’m on this site im an alcholic. I drink occasionally and when i do that it is still one or two drinks. I’m just bored at work and had decided to stop drinking for the month so thought i’d check in to see if i was addicted. apparently not.
Hi Anonymous
No one can diagnose you as an alcoholic, it can only be you who decides if you are or not. And I didn’t say just coming to this website meant you were one, just that it was a strong indicator. Seems like I struck a chord though…..good luck to you either way and God bless….
That’s a very good explanation but if yu don’t mind may i ask you
specifically how many drinks would you consider an alcoholic? as well as the frequency? per day? per week? Does drinking occassionally makes you an alcoholic? like once or twice?.. i’m confuse actually about the term alcoholic? what does this mean? thanks!! god bless..
Hi there Honey
That’s a good question and I understand your confusion. Really there is no set amount of alcohol or number of drinks that defines alcoholism. Some people drink heavily as a “phase” in their life (such as college students as an example) but then move on without being true alcoholics. Others seem to get drawn into the addiction and it becomes a lifelong struggle.
It really has nothing to do with the amount you drink, or even how frequently your drink. It has more to do with the obsession and the compulsion to drink. Do you think about it all the time when you’re not drinking? Can you start drinking and abruptly stop? Try this: have one drink every day for a year, never more than one drink in a single day. Is that easy for you to do? Any “non-alcoholic” person would have no problem doing this. Nor would they have to really challenge themselves to do it.
Hope that helps you some….
I’ve had several addictions…the lasted being drinking. I’m scared cause I look forward to drinking because it’s the ONLY thing I have to forget my problems in life. One of them being my children…my ex has my kids and even though I see one of my three I can’t seem to deal with life. I miss them so very much! I’m lonely…afraid….sad…..just don’t know what to do anymore.
Sorry to hear that Vicki. Sounds like you need to ask for help. Maybe a treatment center could help you out? There is another way to live other than to medicate your problems with booze. I know that might seem impossible to you right now but it can be done. The key is that you have to make the decision to get sober and then ask for help. Good luck….