The question sounds like a real no-brainer. Am I an alcoholic? Yet it is deceptively difficult to know for sure when you are first teetering on the brink of the disease.
For most of the world, it is painfully obvious to us when someone is a drug addict or an alcoholic. We all know the classic signs and symptoms, and we (unfortunately) get to shamelessly follow along as different celebrities deal with the disease of addiction. If you are anything like I was, then you initially chalked up the phenomenon of addiction and alcoholism to weak-willed individuals who are either lazy or stupid. What a slap in the face it was when I finally had to face my own demons and admit that I had a problem.
But addiction can creep up on anyone. Many people go their whole lives with no sign of it, and they are able to drink “normally,” and then suddenly develop alcoholism after they retire. In addition to the “late blooming alcoholics” out there, virtually anyone and everyone is open to the possible danger of opiate addiction through a simple slip-and-fall accident. There are also people who have developed wicked insomnia, and have quickly become addicted to sleeping medication. In short, no one is immune to the potential for addiction, so a bit of direction in the art of self diagnosis might be helpful to some people out there.
Keep in mind that self-diagnosis is the only way. No one can tell you if you are an addict or not. There have been plenty of college students, for example, who drank and used drugs very heavily for a period of their lives, and were able to successfully return to a normal life of moderation and social drinking. They are not “true” alcoholics and addicts. Others might have told them that they were addicts, but clearly they were not. Therefore, you will have to diagnosis yourself.
Diagnosis via The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous has a suggestion for those who are questioning themselves at this point: go try some controlled drinking. Set limits on your intake and stick to them no matter what. Have a 3 drink maximum for yourself. If you happen to use other substances, then set similar limits for those (relatively low amounts). Then, see how you feel when you are actively trying to control your intake. Notice if there is any hint of resentment at having to control and limit your using. Watch yourself and have an awareness about how content you are. If you are an alcoholic or a drug addict, chances are that you will be restless and irritable when trying to limit and control your using. If you are out at the bar with friends, or having drinks over dinner, then you will be more worried about how much you are drinking and not able to enjoy yourself. If this is the case, then what is that really telling you?
“Normal” people (those who are NOT alcoholic) do not obsess over drinking in any way, nor do they become irritated if you make them limit their intake. “Normal” people are perfectly fine with a single glass of wine at dinner, or having no alcohol at all. Notice that any alcoholic can actually control and limit their drinking, but not for any considerable length of time. That is why the disease is so cunning. An alcoholic can fool themselves into thinking that they can control it, simply because they manage to drink moderately and responsibly in the short run. But the true alcoholic or addict who continues to attempt moderation will always return to their full blown level of use at some point. So give it some time. If you are gritting your teeth while trying to limit your use, and you eventually go off the deep end and drink or use very heavily when you hadn’t planned on it, then you are probably addicted.
There is another saying that can help shed some light here. “I didn’t get into trouble every time I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I had been drinking.” In other words, don’t fool yourself just because you don’t land in jail every time you get drunk. Again, this goes back to the idea of control. Almost any alcoholic can control their consumption in the short run. Sooner or later–for real alcoholics–it always catches up with them.
You’re reading this, aren’t you?
The simple fact that you’ve landed on this website and you’re reading this article is already tipping the balance towards an alcoholic diagnosis. Meaning that if you have to ask, chances are good that you are an alcoholic. “Normal” people don’t wonder if they are addicted. “Normal” people don’t question whether or not they might be an alcoholic. Simply questioning yourself is a strong indication that you might be addicted.
Problem drinker versus Alcoholic
There is a revealing saying in AA: “If you give someone booze and they have a problem, that’s a problem drinker. On the other hand, an alcoholic has a problem when you take the booze away.” In other words, true alcoholics have a problem with living sober. Without a program of recovery, they will tend to be “restless, irritable, and discontent.”
So ask yourself: do you tend to have problems when you drink or use drugs, or do you have a paralyzing fear when you imagine your life without any chemicals? If you’re leaning towards the second answer more than the first, then chances are good that you’re an addict.
If you’ve decided that you are addicted, please explore this website further, or contact me directly through email and I will respond within 24 hours.
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Hi Patrick, I am an addict(painkillers). I went to treatment and after almost a year, I relapsed with the pills and started drinking again. Now I have gone back to meetings and I know I can’t drink alcohol and be in recovery. Although I was only drinking sporadically and usually only a couple of drinks when I did, now that I’m trying to stop…I am CRAVING it and thinking about how much I want a drink many times a day. And having a really hard time imagining never enjoying a margarita or a martini ever again! Do you think this makes me an alcoholic? I don’t have a hard time moderating when I do drink(like it was almost impossible to do with the pills), but I don’t know how to do without it altogether? Does that make any sense? Thank you in advance…
Answer for Kate was answered in a post:
http://www.spiritualriver.com/reader-mailbag-do-i-have-to-quit-both-drugs-and-alcohol-if-i-was-not-addicted-to-everything/
Hey guys…
Im a little worried about if i am an alcoholic.
My dad was a serious alcoholic and it ruined his life and mine. He passed away in April last year.
Im 15 and i sometimes go out and drink with my friends. I never drink more then them and they haven’t told me or thought i have a drinking problem.
Please help me! I am very worried.
Chris
I never crave Alcohol, Im just worried because apparently alcoholism gets passed genetically.
That is pretty young to be drinking so frequently, Chris. I would back off if you can and play it safe. You are right, there is a genetic factor but it is nothing set in stone…..but yes you are at high risk based on genetics and also the fact that you are drinking so young. You should definitely try to stop at such a young age and wait until you are 21 to start experimenting again.
Hi my father in law and mother in law both have drinking problems and are seperated,My husband has had a hard with getting up the courage to confront them with their problems.I want to know if its a good idea that i approach them and which way to do it? any suggestions?
i have not drank for over four months now and i feel i am in control of my life , i have plenty of money now and enjoy spending hehe but i feel like a damn lepper when my friends have get togethers as i am not invited anymore , i feel like screaming at them but it wont make much difference as they will then say i am paranoid , can you suggest anything please
Hello,
i know you get a lot of questions.
and i hope this one finds its way to your respond list.
i feel like im a rare case, and if not then great, but either way
i’d like to know anything you can give me.
i feel as though i may have a drinking problem.
im 18 years old, and im not even old enough to buy alcohol.
my friends, and family members tend to buy it for me.
i know im young, but i had my first drink at four
and when i was 12 i got drunk for the first time
when i was 16 i realized that alcohol made everything feel better for me. i felt so lost then, though i know it was just an awkwird age for any teenager that age.
but ever sinse i managed to drink heavily.
occasionaly id go a couple months
but usualy i drank everyday, at least twice a day,
i suffer from insomnia, and drinking was a cheap quick way to
become sleepy, and that also may have hindered this problem i am having.
when ever i got some what put down i’d drink, when i was having a good day i’d have a quick drink to celebrate or just enjoy, and when i was bored, i’d drink to get the day moving.
basicaly, i kept myself tipsy and or drunk 24/7 if i was awake at least.
latley it’s gotten out of hand i have to admit.
im working full time, trying to save up for a car, rent for a place (for i am being kicked out soon). and paying tuishion.
and my girl friend for a year and a half left me for another man last month.
I have been drinking all day everyday, sleeping maybe every other day or when i pass out from the alcohol, and rarily eat, i’ve lost 10 lbs..im 6”5 and weigh 179 lbs, i used to way 190ish. i wanna move on from everything thing, drinking, my ex, get a car and a place, finish school,
and be a success to my family, not just a burden.
they ignore intake, sinse my dad and my granderperrents were heavy acoholics and drug abusers, and i’ve been to ashamed to tell my mom, but my friends are constantly trying to get me to stop, i just cant anymore though, im tired, im always sick, my kidneys ache when i dont drink, when i do they tingle..i feel i cant go to a dr. for fear of my age, and my mom finding out..what do i do?
i’d appritiate any help you could give me.
thank you for reading, and God bless.
Hi Seb
Yes you are very young to be having these problems but it sounds like you need to take action. No one can tell you for sure that you are an alcoholic, only you can make that diagnosis. If I was forced to guess, I would guess that you are a true alcoholic and always will be. Just my opinion of course but the things you describe, the feelings you drank over, the young age you started at, and so on all just points to the same thing.
Even if you are not a “certified alcoholic” it sounds like you need some help. So I would start with that idea and make the decision to get yourself some help. A scary step to be sure but it will change your whole life and you will be much happier in the long run.
If you do not know how to go about getting help then you need to ask. Ask people you trust, ask a counselor at school, ask a therapist or call one of those help lines, just keep asking people until you find someone who can direct you to professional services for this. You need professional counseling at the least and hopefully you can get inpatient treatment some where (that means you would go stay in rehab for a few weeks). These are really your 2 best options at this point.
Good luck.
I don’t know how to tell if my husband is a “full blown” alcoholic or just on a dangerous path to becoming one. First let me start off by saying that he never was a drinker. I have been with my husband for over 17 years and have only seen him drunk a handful of times and that was at weddings and special parties, but those were very few and far between. Recently he started drinking beer, about 2 1/2 months ago. He started out by drinking a few beers at a ball game, then progressing to about 10-12 on a Saturday while doing yard work, to now- where he drinks about an 18 pack of beer daily. He works from home, so thankfully he is not in danger of getting a DUI , however I am sure his work performance is suffering as a result. I keep trying to point out to him that the amount of beer he is consuming is not “normal”, but he just gets angry with me and tells me that he doesn’t like people trying to tell him what to do. He gets angry and makes me think it is my fault, my “problem”. We have 3 kids ranging in age from 5 to 12 and I am very concerned about having them see their father “buzzed” all of the time. My husband claims that he does not have a problem and that he can stop at any time (when he is “ready” of course). This is not the life I imagined for myself and my children. It sounds like the easy solution would be to just leave, but I love my husband so much and I know he loves me, but unfortunately not enough to stop drinking. My question(s) is how can I tell if he has a serious problem? How long does it take someone to become completely dependent on alcohol? Due to the amount he is consuming, is it too late for him to stop on his own without an “intervention”? I am trying to nip this in the bud before it causes long term health problems or a divorce. Like I said, I love him sooooo much and couldn’t imagine my life without him, however I love my children and want the best for them. Thank you for your time.
Hi there Kristina
This sentence jumped out at me:
“I love my husband so much and I know he loves me, but unfortunately not enough to stop drinking.”
That is not how it works. I promise, that is just not how it works. The logic in that sentence is wrong.
He might love you much, much more than an equivalent “sober” person. Truly, he may be torn far worse than you imagine by his need to self medicate and his desire to please you by being sober.
I am not saying you are wrong. I am also not saying you should stick it out because he loves you. All I am saying is that his love for you can not be measured by whether or not he stops drinking. Alcoholism is completely separate from his love for you.
Your logical conclusion is that if he loved you enough, he would stop drinking, and everything would be fixed. This is flawed thinking. It misses the point. He probably loves you with all his heart.
But, this has nothing to do with his drinking. Nothing at all.
And that is why this disease sucks so much. Because it makes no sense. There is still hope though. Have you gone to an Al-Anon meeting yet?
If not then that is your next step. God bless.
I am wanting to consider my husband an alcoholic, however…he insists that he is not. We are in our late 20’s and I have been with this man for 10 years now. We have a young daughter together. He was a big drinker when I met him and was abusive through my pregnancy upon drinking-both verbally and physically. I left him for several months and when we did reconcile he continued the drinking and abuse until he was arrested for domestic abuse and later that year was arrested for a DUI. This was about 7 years ago. He then said slowed his drinking.
However, his family is full of alcoholics, his father died of cirrhosis of the liver. Every time we visit his family they pass him beers until he gets drunk and tell me to “chill out” when I tell him to slow down or stop. I stopped going over there with him because I cannot take my child there when everyone is drunk…I hate it. He does not know how to drink in moderation, he only knows how to drink ’till’ hes drunk. Occasionally he will only drink 2-3 beers….very rarely just one. If I open a bottle of wine for cooking, it is mysteriously empty the next day. He drinks at home alone a few times a week. He recently said he “craves beer everyday” during the week…when I called him on it and told him sounds like hes got a problem… he got mad and said he didnt mean it the way it came out.
Every few months he goes on a binge drinking splurge. He gets off work, tells me hes on his way home and never shows up..he calls a few hours later from a bar with work friends and I tell him to stay gone..he sleeps at his families while continuing the drinking with his loser family all night. Im at a loss here…I dont know what to do…it is hurting our marriage as well as my child…he did one of his binges last nite and never came home…promised my daughter something and never showed up. The worst part is that she worries about him when he stays out. She worries if hes ok or if hes in jail with another DUI, she worries if he has somewhere to sleep, or if hes going to die from drinking like his father… I want him to get help or leave, yet he is the sole income in our home…I do not want my daughter to grow up thinking that his behavior is normal…nor do I want her to look for someone like him. How do I help him without seeming like just a nagging wife…I am drowning in his misery…please advise.
Hi there Angelina
My advice is to help yourself first. I do not think you can help him directly or necessarily convince him to get help in any direct way.
The way you might do this indirectly is to help yourself first. That means establishing some level of independence and self reliance. If you can walk away from the marriage and take your kids and support yourself, then that is a huge bit of leverage. If you have the ability to do this then it can become a bargaining chip. You will no longer be stuck. You can then intervene and start demanding some action and change on his part without being at his mercy because of money.
If you are not in this position right now then start working towards it. If you want the best for you and your daughter then you need to reduce your dependence on the alcoholic.
The amazing thing is that if you do achieve this goal, then he will see this and he may actually start changing at that point, because he will see that his life is about to change if you have the power to leave.
Thank-you for your prompt response patrick…your advice is much appreciated. I am actually in school right now I am going for my BSN…so I am in the process of becoming self reliant. Im working on it though, I never wanted to be one of those women who was dependent on her husband, which is why I have chosen to continue my pursuit of self reliance…eventually I will achieve my goals. Thank you again Patrick.
My boyfriend of a year works in the wine industry. Over the course of our relationship, I have noticed that he drinks everyday, drinking at least 3-4 glasses of wine, if not more. I can’t remember a night we have been together where he has not had several drinks. Occasionally, when he goes out with his friends, he will drink excessively and come home black out drunk, not remembering how he got home and feeling hungover the next day. While he has never said an unkind word to me, or done anything to jeopardize our relationship while drinking/drunk, I am concerned about the amount of alcohol he consumes and whether it could lead to some kind of dependency. I tried to bring it up recently and he said I have no need to be concerned. He says that he has a higher tolerance from working in the alcohol industry so long and he enjoys drinking, but does not see it to be a problem. Should I let it go now, or am I right to be concerned? Can I ask him to stop drinking to see how he feels without alcohol in his life? I love him and I only want him to be happy and healthy, but I don’t want to be overbearing or demanding. I am not sure how to proceed. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer. Thank you.
I have been struggling with my boyfriend’s alcohol addiction for 3 years. He has a problem with binge drinking to the point of blacking out. I would say this happens as much as once or twice a month, but sometimes several months will go by without any incident. When I bring up the issue his answer is always “I’m not perfect” and that he knows he has a problem “knowing when to stop”, but just leaves it at that. I have given him information on local AA meetings and counselors who specialize in addiction, but he never does anything with it. I have learned to remove myself from the situation when he drinks, but I am now at the point of considering ending the relationship. I feel like we have the same recurring argument every time but nothing changes. I don’t want to continue this cycle for rest of my life. I guess it is hard feeling like the situation is hopeless on my part, because HE is the only one who can change. I am just very frustrated. It’s about time we put a big tax on alcohol and use it to educate people against the bad effects (like we do for tobacco) because it really ruins people’s lives!
@ Ana – I don’t think you can push it much, since he is not suffering many consequences of his drinking yet, he will not be receptive to the idea of change. Maybe he will but I doubt it…..
@ Michelle – Yep you may have to choose at some point between staying with him and dealing with the drinking or just walking away. Maybe if you get closer to that point you can let him know that you have been wrestling with the idea and you are warning him that you might leave. This probably won’t help much though and he might just drink more as a result. If so, you can’t take the blame for it as you have to live your own life. You are right…it is up to him to change. Not you. Good luck….
Is it possible, ever, if two functioning (working, cleaning, DUI free) alcoholics live together and one decides to stop and the other doesnt, that A. She can make it(not drink) and B. The relationship will survive? the only hitch to it is his best friend comes over 5/7 nights a week and he drinks more then us too…..
Hi Kristina
That is tough to say, but yeah the odds do not look great for a “functional” relationship when one or both are still drinking.
Plus, “functional” is usually an illusion. Functional alcoholics are just getting lucky. Consequences are inevitable, eventually.
I’ve seen a lot of relationships fail like you are describing. Can’t think of any examples where they worked out long term. But that does not mean it will never happen. It just….usually doesn’t work out. (Just my observations…..)
So obviously knowing that I am reading this and researching all this must mean im some kind of alcoholic or im at least scared to go in that direction. I just want to know one thing. I have been really depresed lately but ive been coming over it. Now that im fine I still drink alcohol sometimes on the occasion to have fun with friends but everytime I do its like I’m straight back to where I was and I am always like holyy shit im never drinking alcohol again and than when im sober again I feel like I need to drink alcohol but everytime I do i’m like fuck im not gonna do this again. Idk maybe i shouldnt drink as much? what should i do.
I’ve been dating a guy and it has been amazing. It started with us hanging out and I knew he had a bit of a problem with drinking but with him being a professor and it also being the summer he told me this wasn’t how it always was. Now I’ve moved halfway across the country to be with him. He told me he would prove to me that he doesn’t drink they way he did in the summer. Now, everytime we go out he gets blackout drunk. He says crude things and at times makes me feel awful by commenting about other women in bars, saying things like, “Wow! She is the hottest girl in the bar”. I know he loves me and I know he is attracted to me and I feel the same towards him but he definitely pushes my limits when he gets this way. Since the beginning of our relationship I’ve told him how my father is an alcoholic and growing up with his disease was awful. I also told him that I would never willingly go into a relationship thinking a person who could father my children would put them through what I’ve gone through. I recently told him that he needs to stop drinking or I’m gone. He told me based on his principles he wouldn’t stop drinking and it was my decision if we split. I don’t want to give up on him and after reading some of what you wrote I feel it was wrong of me to give him this ultimatum. I want to work with him but I also can’t live with someone who isn’t willing to get help. What are some suggestions you would have for me to help him?
i have a family,but i feel alone.every time i look at my 2 kids i felt sorry for my self.my wife actions is pulling me down.she always tells me words that hurt my feelings.im scared.help me to overcome this.ice i always used when i do drugs.i want to stop.but im weak inside.
Hello,
I have been with my BF for about 4 years now. At the beginning we both used to drink a lot, I got pregnant which made me stop drinking but he has continue. I have asked him to quit several times and there has been arguements about the amount he drinks when he does drink. He is not an everyday drinker but is a every weekend drinker, also he has this saying, “I drink to get drunk” or “I dont get drunk, I get wasted” He has has ended up in Jail twice for abusing me while being drunk and the next day he calls me from jail stating he doesnt understand why he is in there. Then yesterday I picked him up from detox for his second time. I am pregnant with his second kid and we currently don’t live together and I am pretty much raising my daughter on my own since he is not very dependable. I have left him but I still want to help him out for our kids. I grew up with both my parents and the stories I hear of those who haven’t are fearful. What can I do to start directing him in the correct direction.
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