Sections:
* The major problem with quitting drinking on your own
* Establishing a baseline of sobriety
* Transitioning to long term recovery and healthy living
* Reaching out to help others but still “on your own”
* Establishing a solid foundation of recovery that is not dependent on social networking
The major problem with quitting drinking on your own
Now I have obviously written about how to stop drinking before and if you go back and read that article you will notice that one of the key elements that I push is that you need to ask for help. This sort of implies that you cannot quit drinking on your own and that you need help in order to do so.� But is this really true?
As I progress in my recovery, I get to watch other people recover and I also observe my own journey through sobriety. What I am noticing is that depending on other people to maintain your own recovery is not necessarily a healthy thing. I see many, many people relapse who are depending on the social aspect of traditional recovery programs to keep them sober.
At the same time, I have basically formed my own path in recovery and do not rely on group therapy or meetings in order to maintain my sobriety. In fact I have probably been to less than 5 AA meetings over the last 6 years.
Now the problem with quitting drinking on your own is that this is a thinking disease…..our mind is messed up and we our in a battle with ourselves to try and control our own drinking. Our mind created the problem of addiction and now we are trying to solve that problem with the same mind that created it.
I believe it was Einstein who first said that “you cannot solve a problem at the same level that it was created at.” You have to go up a level or two in order to really change your life if you are currently trapped in a cycle of addiction.
Now this does not mean that you cannot solve your problem without asking others for help and direction. However, it does indicate a few things:
1) You are not going to cure your drinking by sitting around and thinking about it. It takes more than that. It takes action.
2) You do not have to depend on other people for your sobriety, but you should not immediately discard any and all connections with others in recovery. There is still value in the idea of support, but not to the point of developing dependency. You can still interact with others in recovery without “needing” them for your continued success. More on this later.
3) You cannot solve your problem with compromise and moderation. If you make a commitment to yourself it has to be black and white. That means an abstinence based program. If you want to learn how to control your drinking then you will have to look elsewhere.
My recovery is somewhat unique in that I have very little social support in the traditional sense (such as daily meetings). I don’t call my sponsor very often and I don’t attend 12 step meetings. And the bottom line is that I am still growing in my recovery and living an awesome life, without depending on other people to help keep me sober. I have also observed this happening in other people that I know in recovery, and of course we share some similarities in our approach.
On the other hand, I am not a complete island and I do have connections with others in recovery. But, these are not dependencies.
So here are some of the details on “recovering on your own”:
Establishing a baseline of sobriety
Can you get sober and detox on your own? Yes and no.
Your first step in recovery is to get detoxed. You have to get clean from all drugs and alcohol before you can start on your path of recovery. I mentioned before that this is an abstinence based approach. The idea is that you are going to stay drug and alcohol free. There are other approaches but I have not had any success with them so if you want to learn to moderate you are on your own! My technique is to abstain entirely.
So can you stop drinking without any help at all and get sober? Yes it is possible, but you have to be careful. For one thing, realize that alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. This will depend on how physically addicted to alcohol you are and how long you’ve been drinking and so on. If you shake badly when you stop drinking suddenly then you probably need medical supervision for this leg of your journey.
If this is the case then do not try and taper yourself down from alcohol….instead, go check into a detox center. It will only take 3 to 5 days at the most and you can walk out of there being completely detoxed and drug free. If your goal is really to quit on your own then you can still do so, but you might need help in order to get through the medical portion of detox. There is no shame in going to rehab and you will not have to go to any groups or meetings while you are in detox. Get in, get sober, and get out.
Now obviously if you go home after a few days in a detox center and start drinking again, even just a little, then it was all for nothing and you will be right back on the roller coaster. Remember that this is an abstinence based plan. You are trying to establish a baseline of sobriety and that means you need to abstain from alcohol and other drugs.
Now if you really want to do this on your own then you need to take action during this first week or two of sobriety. Essentially you need to figure out how to live a new life without drinking. There are a number of things you should consider, such as:
1) Avoiding old hangouts where you drank or used drugs.
2) Avoiding certain people who you drank or used drugs with.
3) Establishing some new healthy routines of distraction, such as exercise, long walks each day, and so on.
4) Keeping busy and being responsible, for example by working a new job, or picking up your hours at an old job. Being reliable, dependable, and on time.
5) If you have any religious background, you might try reconnecting with that. This works for some people and not for others. It is just another option.
6) Find a method of meditation - this can be really broad and open. For example, I run long distances several times each week, and this is absolutely a meditative experience for me. You might sit on the couch and do breathing exercises. It really does not matter much, as long as you find something that works for you. A method of de-stressing your mind.
7) Finding a way to help others - this is especially helpful if the people you are helping are in recovery. Now this does not mean that you still cannot “quit on your own.” You can reach out without becoming dependent on others.
8) Forgive yourself and forgive others. This is a critical component, one that is basically borrowed right from a 12 step program. If you are constantly beating yourself up over your past and over your addiction, then it is difficult to move forward in recovery. Likewise, if you resent others in your past and hang on to massive anger towards them, then this will poison your efforts at recovery. The only way to move forward is to make peace with this idea and forgive others. There are many ways to do this but they deserve their own article.
Transitioning to long term recovery and healthy living
If you do all of those suggestions listed above, and do them every day for the first few months of your recovery, then you can slowly start to build a new life for yourself. Do not expect miracles at first and do not expect it to happen fast. It will come slowly over time. This is a good thing. If it happened over night then it would not be stable. You are building a long term, stable life in recovery. It takes time. It takes work. Expect this.
I personally believe that networking with others and helping others in recovery is a lot more important in early recovery than it is in long term sobriety. If you are going to help other people, then do it right off the bat when you first get sober. As you stay sober for longer, it becomes less critical as the focus shifts to personal growth.
The transition to long term recovery is about holistic growth. In the early stages of sobriety, your goal is simply to not drink each day. That is your daily goal. “I will make it through today without drinking or using drugs.” At first, that is enough. If you can conquer each day sober then you are doing good.
But after a while, that is no longer enough. Why? Because you start to take it for granted. Everyone will do this after a certain amount of time. Maybe it will take 90 days, or maybe it will take 9 years. But at some point, you will become used to not drinking and it will no longer be the miracle for you that it once was. It is at this point that you need to have something more in your recovery in order to keep you sober. That “something more” is holistic growth. It is personal growth. It is you, challenging yourself to keep growing as a person. Without this element, you will eventually relapse back to drinking.
Now for some people this “something else” is a reliance on a higher power and building a relationship with that higher power. If so then that is fine….realize that this is another possible path to a life of holistic growth. If you have a strong relationship with God then you will naturally push yourself to grow in a holistic manner. You will take better care of yourself, you will emphasize your talents in order to better serve God, and so on. You can reach the same success in recovery via different paths. You can push yourself to grow holistically and do great in recovery. You could also cultivate that relationship with a higher power and achieve the same results.
In particular, I would emphasize these things in your transition to long term recovery:
1) Holistic growth – look for multiple areas of your life in which you can grow. In other words, don’t neglect exercise and fitness. Also, consider relationships and emotional health too. Holistic means you are looking at the whole of your life. There are multiple areas in which you can become a better person. Find them and work on them.
2) Self esteem – if you can boost your “real” self esteem through accomplishing goals and taking good care of yourself, then this will help your recovery immensely. You will not relapse if you value yourself and your life highly enough.
3) Personal growth & learning - if you push yourself to grow further, make sure there is an emphasis on learning. Without this you will tend to stagnate. Always be learning….always be in “growth” mode.
Reaching out to help others but still “on your own”
You want to quit drinking on your own. Is it possible to interact with other people and still be independent?
Of course it is. You don’t have to go to 20 AA meetings each week and have a sponsor and become a sponsor yourself in order to stay sober. Some people will of course do that, and this is fine if that works for you. But just understand that you can have an awesome recovery by simply reaching out to just one or two other people on a regular basis. There is meaning in nearly any interaction. If you can help someone else consistently, then it will really enhance your recovery.
For example, I work in a detox center, and I also interact with readers here on the Spiritual River on a daily basis. Neither of these things involves the 12 step programs. I am interacting with others, helping them in some cases, and in other cases I am receiving help from them as well. These are “recovery related” interactions.
You need these interactions in order to be successful in� recovery. You will not depend on them, and they will become less important the longer you stay sober. But I think early on, you need some interaction with others in recovery.
You don’t necessarily have to find them in 12 step programs, but you have to find these connections somewhere. Also, you do not need a lot of them. Quality over quantity in this case. You can still recover on your own without becoming dependent on meetings or a fellowship.
Establishing a solid foundation of recovery that is not dependent on social networking
So what is important in early recovery is establishing the foundation. This takes action.
Really it is all about action. If you want to quit drinking then you have to take massive action, and it also has to be sustainable action.
Take some of the suggestions from this article and apply them in your life. If you do so every single day then you are on the right track. Even then, some will relapse. It is a tough road. And, you are increasing the difficulty slightly by insisting that you quit drinking by yourself. But it can still be done, you just have to put in the footwork.
Remember that in order to get results you need to make a massive effort. If you just try “pretty hard” you are going to fail for sure. This requires a massive effort on your part. It will likely be the hardest thing you have ever done, actually. So make a commitment to yourself that you will not drink today, no matter what. You have to make that commitment over and over again, every single day. Then, you have to follow through with the suggestions and take action every day to make it happen. Sitting on the couch won’t cut it. Get active, do the work, and find some new healthy routines in your life. Push yourself to grow holistically and challenge yourself to do more and more each day. It is only through this momentum and this positive action that you can recover on your own.
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Recommended Reading
- Overcoming Addiction
- Stop Alcoholism and Start Creating a New Life
- The True Nature of Surrender in Quitting Booze
- How to Stop Drinking Alcohol Even When You Really Enjoy it
- What Will Happen to My Social Life if I Stop Drinking?
- Holistic Addiction Treatment Center
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Gerry, when I stop drinking I only get shaky I come off a bad binge, then I feel I need more alcohol to calm me, but that’s just the never ending cycle we are in. If you can stop just a few days it won’t be as bad, but I think it’s probably best you do get help if you’re shaking is that bad, you may need medical supervision to help. The vitamin b doesn’t do much for me either, but I take it every day along with c complex, milk thistle, etc.. The shakes and anxiety aren’t as bad when you don’t drink to excess. I’ve had days where it was bad but I tried other things to calm me and after a few days of not drinking, it got better. Last time I went overboard I poured some Epsom salts in a hot bath and soaked for 15 minutes that’s all I could bear, I was sweating a lot and really drained, I know I was releasing a lot of toxins from me and after all I could do was lay down and rest, it took a lot out of me and trust me you won’t to drink after that, but like how Dave says about detoxing and taking activated charcoal, do your own research. Fruits and vegetables will help you too. There’s a lot of info to help get you through this on the internet, I have tried so many things find what helps. Good luck.
gerry, i always get the shakes when i try to stop. i havent found any kind of vitamins or anything else for that matter that help with it. just time.. usually in a week or so they go away for me. as far as quiting cold turkey, theres so much info out there that says how dangerous it is. i persoanlly have done it 3 times and i havent experienced seizers or dt’s but im sure thats just luck, being that ive been drinking a litter of either vodka or whiskey daily for around 10 years. after a week sober i usually start to feel really good and after 2 weeks i feel great. my problem is that after about 4 weeks my cravings come back seven fold and i cave. this past time i had 37 days sober. i slipped up and have slipped a few time since in a very short period. but whats different than before is that now everyday i try to start fresh. in the past i always said screw it once i slipped up and drank twice as much as before. im deffinetly disappointed with myself, but im gonna keep trying. good luck its not easy but its possible.
hope everyone is doing well.
It is strange for me to remember when i quit smoking: i thought i could NEVER go for even a few hours without a smoke, especially with a beer in hand (back in the days when you could smoke in the bar). But I finally did quit (after many many relapses and various tactics) and that was 5-6 years ago and i couldn;t give a rats ass about cigarettes now and never even think about it. How something that was so important to me, something i was ADDICTED to can become such a non-event in my life is real inspiration to me that i can do the same with alcohol.
It is important to me to have a life without booze, as i’m worried about when my situation changes (i’m in a really good place in my life at the moment) that i do not return to alcohol. I get so much strength from others (like Nancy) who quit drinking and then had to suffer through personal turmoil. Good for you! I don;t want to be a ‘dry drunk’ who pops the cork whenever things get tough. As well, people were talking about how retirees become alcoholics, and a lot of people drink more when work or other constraints are lifted. I remember looking at buying a campervan a few years back to go travelling around and every single brochure showed the camp-table set with a bottle of wine and the entertaining was always swilling beers etc. I mean, once in a while, but every night for the rest of your life?
If anyone is interested, well it is happening with me, this change away from the immediate dependence of the numbing effects of alcohol. Justin, take heart. I have been ‘quitting’ for almost 2 years (or more?) but i AM getting better and better. For the record I am 109 days sober, but really i’m much more than that. I’m 5 days drunk in 6 months, 15 in a year, and 30 in 2 years. This is an incredible change from the previous 2 years (or 10) where i was absolutely pissed EVERY NIGHT.
Every time i relapse i learn and adapt and i have yet to relapse twice for the same reason; soon i hope to run out of reasons to relapse! Already i look back on my short time sober and i realsie the many times when i had a tough day, or tough situation, or a good day, or a small reason to celebrate and DIDN’T involve alcohol. The amazingthing is that i didn;t have to remind myself NOT to drink…I just didn’t think of it. Amazing when you consider i used to look for(and find) any reason, and i mean ANY reason, to drink. I did not drink to celebrate, i would celebrate to drink.
ok, hope everyone is doing well. Please remember that what we are doing is an incredibly difficult and brave thing to do. It is a monumental mountain to climb, but every step is as helpful and satisfying as the last and the next…and if you slip and relapse you do not slide all the way down to the bottom! Just get up and keep stepping from where you left off.
JPVD.
.
Thanks JPVD, that means a lot to me.
Nancy
i posted number 381 to justin not a hi or anything i think thats rude and uncool i was just being nice and try to fit in so this will be my last posted
kevin, i apologize for not repsonding to your last post. i didnt see it. i wasnt trying to be rude. if you have a problem then you shouldnt stop posting on here, thats the only way to get help. iv been really busy working and having my own hard times, so you werent ignored intentionally. anyway i hope all are well. i cant say i am ive been sober the last couple of days but im teetering right now. ive been telling myself all day just for today just for today, but im not feeling to strong right now. i am still eating right and working out so atleaste ive stuck with that. but i cant seem to get more than 2 days sober. what a bummer.
Kevin – we are all struggling…and just because someone doesn’t post, doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you and your trials and tribulations – it may mean that they are struggling too…and what they are going thru is more important than responding to you…(at least for them)… so don’t lose heart..keep trying to do the right thing…and hang in there…and keep posting…
And Justin – have heart – I am in the same space as you – 2 days max… and this being a holiday weekend…well forget my stamina…I keep saying…tomorrow…but then I give in….
Justin – would you be interested in working with me on my sobriety? I don’t know why – but I feel connected to you somehow?? …so how about after tonight we call it quits together (strength in numbers – 2 is a number LOL) – tonight being Thursday, April 21, 2011 – starting tomorrow we quit together and hold each other accountable each day on this website? What do you think? You gave me inspiration to begin with –are your willing to give me inspiration to continue? I believe in you – believe in yourself..believe in me……..what do you think??
hey sally, yes i would be interested in working with you. im glad i could give you some inspiration. i thought i was finally there and gonna be sober for the rest of my life, so i was trying so hard to help others, but i fell again. so im still climbing. i went from 5 weeks to 2 days but im not gonna give up. i slipped tonight, but ill try again tomorrow. ive never had anyone for support before o maybe that will make the difference.
hey my cooperman, im sorry i didnt repspong to you posts. i did read what you said and thank you for your support. i was just in a bad place a t the time and didnt respond. i do appologize. i hope all is well..
Justin – o.k. here’s the challenge – after tonight we quit drinking (Are you ready for that?) … one day at a time…we log on and keep in touch with each other…we hold each other accountable for our actions…no judgment. We take it one day at a time…we express our feelings…we give each other support…what do you think? It’s a start…
Kevin I totally get where you are coming from it is hard not to take things personally. I posted that I am sober one year and no congrats. I think what happens is people start to form bonds and don`t mean to leave people out. I too sometimes feel like not posting any more just because I don`t feel like I have much to say but don`t give up people really do care and this site did at one time contribute to my sobriety. I just wish everyone the best. And kevin don`t give up people really do care, you can get well.
thanks nancy,justin i am sorry for getting pissed about it its been a nasty week of stuff keep going wrong again sorry.sally i agree.
hey all, a lot of times just posting on here is a tremendous first step for many people trying to come to terms with the first part of dealing with alcohol addiction: admitting you have a problem.
Kevin (and anyone else who has posted but not gotten a response) i totally read your message and was interested in any further posts you had about how your attention to personal fitness growth would help you fight the booze. I can gaurantee that hundreds (maybe more?) of people read these posts and NEVER post/respond. I truly believe we are helping a lot of lurkers out there with some real issues with alcohol.
IF it matters to anyone who has posted or is considering posting; I READ EVERY MESSAGE AND CONSIDER IT. That includes you Nancy One-Year. When you posted your achievement it really affected me because we both quit drinking at the same time last year, however you made it through and i have relapsed many many times.
anyways, good luck all.
JPVD.
.
O.K. Day1 – my head is throbbing big time (plus I have a nasty cold and feel even worse) – but I am going to do this! Last night was really bad – I fell down the steps and put two big holes in the wall – how is that for a constant reminder of how bad I have become! But today is a new day – my mantra for the day “I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me”. For all of you out there who want to quit – today is the day! One day at a time…join me…
JPVD, thanks for posting. I have become one of those that reads every message and reflect on it – what it might mean to the one posting, what it might mean to others, and what it means to me. I’ve been quiet for a bit as I am in a very reflective mode right now. And I agree, every post does matter (even if we sometimes feel like we are just writing to see our thoughts down on “paper”.)
Nancy, I’m so, so happy for you and you accomplishment, despite personal challenges. This has all made you so strong and you should be so proud of yourself, as I’m sure your family is. Keep taking things one day at a time on your way to a lifetime of sober memories. I’m looking forward to the day when I can have more memories of being sober than of what I did while drunk, or worse yet what I don’t remember doing while I was drunk! Ah… I’m getting there, though. As JPVD said, I’ve been diligently focusing on becoming 100% alcohol free and have relapsed many times…
The spring finally arriving has really helped me. I see things as greener, more colorful, have more energy and a more positive “can beat this” attitude. I’ve also been following a program from Health Recovery Center that places its healing on alcoholism as a disease of disruption to our biochemistry. It focuses on nutrition and an orthomolecular model of addiction treatment.
The program has worked tremendously for me (previously I’ve done the counseling, group and one-on-one therapy out the ying yang and I’m sure they helped, but didn’t get me over the mountain top to the other side). Since I’ve been altering my diet and buiding back the good chemicals in my body (all destroyed by alcohol), I now have so much clarity, my symptoms associated with alcoholism: cravings, depression, anxiety, insomnia, fatigue, etc., have all but disappeared and when I do feel any of them surfacing, I feel much more stable and able to cope. I don’t have the body aches, stiffness, a LOT less headaches, my skin is a normal color (not grayish), the bloating and puffiness is gone and I can remember things!
So I just keep plugging along and checking in on this site is one of my daily rituals, so everyone keep posting!
Hi to everyone that is new in the last couple of weeks, including Kevin. Please keep us in your lives. Hi to those who may be just reading for now. And hi to all those I’ve communicated with in the past.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that in our “instant gratification” world we are used to, healing from alcoholism cannot be achieved instantly – took me long enough to understand that :)
Have a blessed Good Friday and Easter Sunday, all.
Love,
kjbp
hi all..
hi kjbp..I was reading about the orthomolecular model, and Im glad its been working for you..I wanted to ask u for a favor if u dont mind..If u could write down a typical day on this diet..also what foods are definite no-nos..And maybe what vitamins/supplements you’ve been taking..I realize its different for everyone but Im curious to see what has actually worked for you..From what I see u must have eliminated carbs and sugar, eating mostly protein fruits and vegs?
I hope u find the time to let us know more about it..Thank u!
Hi Theodora,
I’d be happy to send you more information. If you want to email me directly my yahoo address is: b.kj78@yahoo.com. You’re right about the protein, fruits and veggies. I have virtually no cravings for sugar (which I never used to have until I stopped drinking, then I became a sugar and carbohydrate nut). Nor do I have cravings for junk food (I LOVE french fries). Whenever I eat anything like that I fill sick and bloated. I’m pretty good about sticking to the right food and making sure I eat something every 3-4 hours as I see it working. Also, I’ve been able to stop taking the medication the doctor had me on for shaking, depression and alcohol cravings. It’s really very interesting and my husband is so delighted this is going well. The days and nights are the torture they used to be and I don’t have the “highs and lows” like I did before.
Great to hear from you and hope you are doing well!
so i just read some new posts, about how some of us havent responded to them,, and then i went back and read through past posts. i see there are quite a few that i previously didnt notice. if i dont respond please dont take it personally im not the kind of person to just blow off someone. ive got a family and a full time job, and on top of that im struggling with my own failures. sometimes i just miss some of your posts. im very happy for you nancy. and kevin i already apologized, i came on here to find support and get help, and even though ive fallen and have to start over i still want to be there for others. ive been abit depressed as of late i guess. i really thought i had it this time, i feel like a fool. i too read sometimes and dont respond simply because i dont know what to say. i feel like who am i to give advice when im sitting here drinking from my bottle. just know that that if you guys post something and we dont respond right away its not that we are trying to be assholes we are just going thru our share of problems too.
Kevin, please don’t be so hard on Justin. We all have lives that we are trying to live in addition to keeping up the fight to remain sober. The thing you need to remember, is that only YOU are responsible for YOUR sobriety. We are all here as partners and supporters of each other, but honestly, in the long run this is a PERSONAL battle we are fighting… We are here for you… we will feel your pain, and absolutely TOTALLY empathize, as we have all been where you are today… but in the long run it is all about you…and me…and Justin…and Theodora…KJPB…jpvd…anonymous…
Please, Kevin, don’t use Justin as an excuse to continue on the path you are currently on…you CAN do this!!! You would not be on this site if you didn’t want help…read everyone’s testimonials…
If you fall down we will help you up…but only if you allow us to…you are not a helpless victim here…you make your own decisions…we all write the final chapters of our own autobiographies…
hi to every one i did say i was sorry to justin for takeing it bad its been a crazy week but itwill get better it cant rain all the time////…
things will get better kevin. i dont know what your personal situation is, but ive had some long stretches where it seemed like nothing was going right. but things did get better. just hang in there. hey sally how did you do yesterday? im sad to say i did slip, but im gonna make today my day 1. i have things to do today so ill keep busy. the hardest time for me is in the pm. not as much to do. tonight im gonna watch the ten commandments my wife hates it but its one of my all time favs. the only problem with this is that ill be sitting on the couch for 4 plus hours and thats when i like to drink the most. but im just gonna focus on today so i think i can do it. i hope everyone else is doing good.
Justin – I am doing good – day2 and I am feeling stronger already. Working on my humility and letting go of my ego and pity parties. Hang in there and keep trying – I am drinking alot of water with lemon. Angela you are right – this is a personal battle – it is all up to us individually. Best wishes to all of you – you are in my thoughts.
I was going to say Happy Easter because we are celebrating Easter this weekend in Canada! Last Easter I was very drunk and thought I was going to die and my family would find me on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet bowl, not very pretty!! Don`t feel bad Kevin I remember a few times thinking I was done, it is part of the alcohol personality I think where we take things too personally we all understand!!!! We are like a big family on this site no one is perfect but we do are best and just ask for what you need. I too read posts and might be very moved but then get distracted or can`t think of what to say but I am thinking of you and wishing you peace and happiness.
I am feeling a little anxious lately not sure why but it is such an uncomfortable feeling I want to jump out of my skin. It could be because my daughter is home even though she is doing so well I still worry, but I am hopeful. thanks for giving me a place to just vent.I already feel less anxious.
Sally I drink lemon and hot water instead of tea sometimes I helps me too.
thanks nancy and happy easter i wish your daughter the best recovery.justin ihope you can pull it back together your not missing out on nothing last nigth my wife and i went to dinner and the bar was full of drunk people it was sad thats the way i use to be now it make me sick i never want to look like that again its kinda makes me feel scummy that i was a drunk not to long a ago.. thats over now thank god …happy easter to every one ….
Happy Easter Nancy, Justin, Kevin, Theodora, jpvd, Angela, kjbp and everyone else. May your day be blessed with sobriety – if just for today! The sun is out here – it feels good!
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