How can someone stay clean after leaving an inpatient drug rehab?
This is a very important question for someone just leaving treatment. The following suggestions will help make or break someone’s recovery:
1) Take their suggestions
You went to rehab because you could not stop using drugs on your own, right? There are two main functions that the treatment center provides: one, to physically detox you, and two, to show you how to live without putting drugs and alcohol into your body. Obviously, drug rehab centers specialize in helping people to not use drugs, so you might do well to actually take their suggestions and follow through with them.
The first two times I went to treatment, I did not do this. For example, they suggested I go to long term treatment, and I refused. In shunning their advice, I ended up relapsing very quickly after leaving both of those rehabs. The last treatment center I went to, I did take their suggestions, and followed their recommended treatment plan to a “tee.” I have been clean and sober ever since.
2) Do what other people think you should do, not what YOU think you should do
For the longest time, this was a huge stumbling block for me. Why should I let other people decide how I should live my life? I figured that I (me, personally) should be the most qualified person to make decisions about my life. Turns out this was not the case, because I continued to slowly kill myself with drugs and alcohol when left to my own devices. Amazingly enough, when I started taking advice from others, my life started to get a whole lot better–and a whole new world of freedom opened up to me. It still baffles me that this could come from letting other people suggest how I should live my life. This was the form of drug rehab help that I resisted for so long, and finally had to surrender to in order to get better.
3) Participate in any follow-up treatment
Most detox and residential programs that make up drug treatment centers are composed of very short visits these days. Many programs used to be 28 days in length; most of them are half of that or less nowadays. The length of time you will spend in a residential treatment program is a drop in the bucket, and you should not expect to live “happily ever after” without some serious follow up to your stay in drug rehab. Recovery is a life long process. Therefore, any recommended after care that they suggest should be taken seriously and approached with enthusiasm. Many treatment centers follow up with IOP programs (intensive outpatient), and these can be a strong source of support for people who are just leaving a residential program. Bottom line: follow through with your aftercare.
4) Go to a long term treatment program
This is the number one most effective form of aftercare, and I believe it is anyone and everyone’s best shot at maintaining long term sobriety. This should be especially inviting to you if you have been to drug rehab before and failed to stay clean. Ask the therapists at rehab if they know of any long term treatment programs that they can set you up in after you leave. Long term treatment is the only thing that worked for me, and I consistently see the higher success rates that it provides for recovering addicts at my workplace. Long term treatment works.
5) Go to meetings every day in early recovery
This is something that will be emphasized heavily while you are in drug rehab recovery: you need to go to daily meetings during early recovery. It’s a no-brainer, really. Tons of support from other recovering addicts. Twelve step meetings are widespread and are there to help you. Take advantage of the support they offer. “90 meetings in 90 days” is heard like a mantra in treatment centers, and for good reason. Daily meetings will improve your chances of staying sober in the short run. Long term sobriety entails expanding beyond simply making meetings, but this is still a good strategy for early recovery.
6) Get a sponsor and call them every day
After leaving a drug rehab clinic, get a sponsor, fast. Go to a regular outside AA or NA meeting and ask someone with some significant clean time to be your temporary sponsor. Anything to get you in the door with someone. Most sponsors will have you call them every day for the first 30 days. This might seem silly to you. Do it anyway.
Finding and using a sponsor is another no-brainer. If you choose a bad sponsor, let them go and get another one immediately. A sponsor is someone to help guide you through the twelve steps.
7) Consider an holistic drug rehab
If you do not do well with traditional rehab recovery, then consider going to an alternative drug rehab where the emphasis is more holistic rather than simply being 12 step based. Holistic rehab is powerful because it draws from multiple recovery strategies in order to help you to stay clean and sober.
Holistic recovery is all about encouraging long term growth in several different areas of your life. For example, you would be encouraged to grow spiritually, but also seek emotional stability, work on physical fitness and nutrition, and practice meditation, and so on. Expanding growth beyond traditional recovery programs is what holistic treatment is all about.
Still looking for treatment? You might want to make a free call so that you can get help in finding a rehab center that can help you.
Help for Alcoholism Do you or someone you love need drug or alcohol rehab? Take action and get the help you need right now. Drug Addiction Help What kind of drug rehab is right for you? Give us a call at 1-877-744-3536 Addiction Treatment Real help is available. We can give you the tools to recover. Start your new life today.
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I apologize if I came off hostile. I am not angry at the process of the steps. I am angry that the steps allow (Some)
people to make anew and not have to deal with their past. Can you in your opinion having done the steps tell me why would someone continue to harm having learned these steps? It, seemed to me upon her last contact that she was mirroring my life by telling me how well she was doing, and how her life had been saved and then continued to say she had her own apartment as I have always had, She got a cat and I always had one..It seemed like more of a competition than a apology. When, I asked her to confirm her sexuality-I got no response, When I asked if her she was reaching out to me for her 9th step-no response, When I asked her if she loved me and was trying to get back with me-no response. Would not someone dealing with the steps-confront these issues and deal with them. I am lost as to why she contacted me if the conversation was about her new pet? I need help to understand so I will not harbor anger toward the people that are sincerely trying to kick a addiction. What is she doing? She, is married and moved away to be near her “support groups”. What, about all the people she left behind and harmed. Seems to me she moved to another state to run from her past and has a new audience of people to tell her tales of woe-When, she chose to drink, she chose to treat me they way she has and she chose to sleep with two woman while married to a man. I know alot of people who drink and I have never seen them have homosexual escapades for over two years and then all of a sudden boom-I am well? Since, when does alcohol impair you to have repeated sex with the same sex for years? Would, the 12 steps address that? It’s like if I were a drinker saying well-I went to the AA and the steps process and now they convinced me I am not straight, I am gay? Help me out here…
I’m not sure about all this sexual stuff Helene, a person should try to get honest with themselves in recovery regardless of which program they are using. This might mean a change in orientation but it has nothing to do with the steps or with sobriety in general but only about being honest with one’s self. That’s it. Anything else that is said, such as “The steps turn gay people straight” or vice-versa is all a bunch of manipulation and lies.
The steps do no such thing. Recovery programs in general can do no such thing. It is simply a journey of growth and hopefully one of honesty. If someone tells you recovery is anything different or that it can or should change a person’s orientation like that then they are lying.
I’m sorry this person hurt you and will not level with you. Perhaps you can force the issue somehow and demand some straightforward communication. If you can’t get honest communication with her then I don’t know what to tell you…..
I have been in AA now for 5 months and though the program has helped me, I had a sponsor who never ran the steps with me properly and I am currently getting a new sponsor. I believe AA has done wonders for me as early sobriety can be painful. I find self acceptance difficult and so find some members controlling to a degree if driving me up the wall. Everyone chooses to do there recovery in there own way and by people giving the word should all the time is wrong, the steps and traditions are suggestions only. The people who choose to be controlling are the ones who have not worked there steps. As it is early days for me I’m very sensitive to my emotions.
Hello Sam,
What did you think of the AA meetings?
I was told they are controllers who have lost control in their own lives taking prey on the weak? I think sobriety is a choice you make and there are the weak and the strong in all aspects of life. I am not a drinker and weak right now from one. It seems that responsibility for the past in my ex’s case is just that the past. It seems very selfish to me to say that when the people who hurt are very much present day. I am lost with the support groups?
What did you experience in them? I have no support group for my bad days or when bills and worries pile up. I don’t understand this whole process. I did’nt come on here to be rude or condescending, I am just trying to understand when the sober people, the honest people can run and hide in rehabs and hurt others with a well I did the 12 steps I absolved feeling.
Please, help me understand this process and why, I can never get a straight answer from my suppossed to be well-ex?
What goes on in the AA meetings..I heard they are like cults?
Hi there Anonymous
It sounds like you have someone in your life who is in a 12 step program and they are possibly treating you badly in some way? If so then that is not fair and the program does not instruct them or give them license to do so. Calling AA a “cult” is also a bit of a stretch because pretty much everyone there genuinely wants to help the newcomer in any way that they can. It really is a very giving and loving environment 90 percent of the time. In AA, they have found a path that seems to work for them so they are not very open to outside ideas, as that is not what they are about. They are about helping others the “AA way.” This makes sense and it is what they do. There are other ways to get sober and to live sober. Calling it a cult is a bit much in my opinion.
Don’t let one AA member give you the wrong idea….the program is based on sound principles.
Patrick,
I have to agree to disagree. Any group that is not open to opinions and other outside thoughts is a manipulative thing. They are doing the thinking for the alcoholic who has reach rock bottom and burned all their bridges. They teach them selfish things and all of the steps are in themselves selfish. It is a haven to be forgiven by people who are the exact same. Then, they come out and push these steps on the outside world who does’nt need them and functions without support groups. Weak, need support groups to hold their hands on a daily basis. It takes one addiction in my opinion and replaces it with others like selfishness and higher powers the only difference to me is that they have a safer addiction. When, will jobs be found for the unemployed hard working man and job placement stop for the addicts. When, will they own up to the harm they caused and do good with it instead of running from it in some room with other addicts now not addicted but, addicted to forcing these so called values on the new weaker alcoholic. When someone has another medical illness-they don’t handle things this way. I don’t agree at all with the teachings of AA. I also read that what I call a semi-cult has a 13 step policy of the more empowered member seducing the weaker members.
I will never understand why the weak get off in life and the strong have to just deal with things..I guess that is why they are strong.
Hmmmm….there is some validity to your arguments but most of what you say is really a worst case scenario.
In extreme examples (and I concede that they do exist), AA is like a cult, and 13 stepping does go on (and it is harmful), and there are bad examples to be found. But this is true of any potential recovery program, not just AA.
I can’t believe I am defending AA as normally I tend to agree with your ideas, but the fact is that the 12 step program has a near monopoly on the newcomer, they are bound to be exposed to the 12 step program.
And there are decent people to be found in meetings everywhere, those who genuinely want to help and are not manipulative or even filled with ego. Seriously they do exist out there and it is the responsibility of the newcomer to seek out this genuine help. If they cannot find it in AA then they should seek elsewhere.
My path started with AA but I stopped going to meetings about 5 years ago and have sought other ways to connect with those in recovery. Meetings have advantages and disadvantages. If you look for the bad in them you will find bad, that is for sure.
I applaud you at any rate for your open thinking, but what is your alternative? Mostly what I write about on this website is trying to describe the alternative to people….showing what my life is like and what I am creating in recovery that is outside of the traditional recovery programs. What is your solution (or, what is your proposed solution?).
Would love to hear some new ideas from you or anyone else who wants to chime in!
I am not sure what the remedy is for the manipulators who use the 12 steps to run from life. I commend you for getting well in your life and being open to other things besides the AA teachings. I wish, I knew the answers myself. I unfortunately don’t. I am proud of those that have gone into these programs with sincerity and kicked the addiction..I commend each and every one. I am just wondering the motivations behind someone I dated that has done the 12 steps, to twist them.
This person dumped me a good 3 years ago has been in the 12 step program for 18 months sober and makes contact to me that I have expressed is unwanted. It does boil my blood that the harm keeps coming. I don’t blame all recovering addicts for this. I blame the person, I guess I just wish they did more personal counseling than all addiction related. I honestly “think” my ex-after running a marriage and running around with me-used the rehad (although) a drinker-as the way out of issues. Is’nt it much better to face your demons and not just the alcohol but the inner mindset issues? Anyway-I appreciate this site for allowing both the addicted and non-addicted to get a forum. Patrick, if you ever find an answer please, let me be the first to know..
Hi there Anonymous….yes I have seen many people manipulate the 12 step program before, as they probably always will. This is not a flaw in the program but a flaw in people….they can and will manipulate any program I am sure.
There are good people in AA and there are also good people who are working their “own program” of recovery. I don’t have the ultimate answer but I do believe I am finding more and more truth about the ideal recovery strategy. One thing is for sure that you pointed out is that internal issues that create big problems in your life must obviously be dealt with….any program that does not address those issues is a failure.
i was only 13 when i was forced to go through a 30day rehab program and i told them anything they wanted to hear so i could be released..i was only in outpatient programs for a week and 3 days after residential and it’s been 7 months and i’ve been heavily using ever since..now I’m dying to be clean and I feel like it’s impossible today is my first day sober and i still woke up with a weekend buzz from all the shit i did this weekend…my liver is dying out and my eyes are turning more yellow…it hurts to think about how im dying by using but it hurts to think about living without using too….i recommend that u stay clean and sober the first time around and dont ever drop out of treatment if your not ready..
today was such a bad day…i was doing something stupid–i looked up on youtube people getting high, because i though that looking at how idiotic people become while doing crack i would be encouraged to not to it. instead i started shaking and clenching–like 5 hours after you stop a 3 day crack binge. i was curled up on the floor crying and sheking. i have been clean for 5 months now. i didn’t think the physical craving would come back like that. but oh god, it did.
i feel so alone. i’m afraid to tell my husband, because he will think that i am going to use again.
Hi there Amikolle
Yeah I would never recommend that you get that close to the “flame” again. Why tempt yourself? Watching people get high is like a glorification….you will only remember the good times and the peak feelings of addiction, and not the misery. Very dangerous but it sounds like you learned something pretty valuable in the experience. Good job for that, now be more careful in the future!
Hi –
My husband of two years went into alcohol detox and rehab 3 months ago, leaving me and our 16 month daughter. He was asked to go there by me, and agreed he needed to. He stopped talking to me completely after 2 weeks in the inpatient rehab. During this entire time, I was attending a counselor for alcohol family, women’s group, and also al-anon meetings. So at this point I had a strong hold on understanding the disease and knowing that I am not the cause and understanding my own feelings/emotions toward his behavior. Since he was released then at 30 days, he finally spoke w/me and was telling me he wanted to work things out but was showing me he didn’t. He wouldn’t come live at home either. When confronted by a family counselor and I 3 weeks after leaving the rehab, all the while I had no idea where he lived and he hardly saw our child either, the counselor felt he was hostile, distant, and frankly – using. He had been out of the center for almost a month, and it came out they thought he should stay at the treatment center another 30 days but he refused, then he was sent to this exact family counselor for intensive outpatient and he went once and refused as well to return. Since then, I have come to find out he is unemployed, adopted a dog and is living w/a young girl he met while in rehab. I know he is not going to AA. I have filed for divorce, not only for my sanity but for my daughter’s safety. He had picked her up from school in the past after drinking and openly admitted even after rehab that he didn’t think it was a big deal.
My question is this: Can he actually be in recovery? He is a stranger to me and we are over but he is living a new life w/another woman who I guess, understands….and he has adopted responsibilities of buying a car, renting an apt w/her and a new dog? We have all those things, but he has not owned up to those responsibilities since he went to the rehab (and even before).
Did he just go to a bad rehab? I thought you weren’t supposed to co-habitate w/women or something like that. And I thought you werern’t supposed to take on new responsibilities or something like that.
I’m really looking for some feedback here….thank you so much for listening. Bless you all who have recovered.
Hi Laura
Wow…you are right, it is discouraged for people in early recovery to get into a new relationship. But I can tell you from experience and from working in a rehab for 4+ years now that it happens constantly. Truly, these dangerous new relationships happen very, very frequently. It is a huge problem.
Of course, that does not excuse it or make it right. But I can tell you this: the odds of that relationship lasting more than a few months are very, very slim. Of course it could happen and it does happen but I would say 99 times out of a hundred it will fizzle out before the end of 6 months. Not only that, but at least one party will relapse, if not both. These are not difficult predictions to make.
I know that does not help you much but I think you are being realistic and I think you know things are headed downhill. If he is not using then he probably will be soon.
Sorry for your whole situation but good luck to your family….I hope things work out for you….
Thank you for your feedback Patrick, he is still denying they are in a relationship, but I’m not an idiot. We are wiping the slate clean and moving on w/out him. I am hoping he gets the help he needs eventually in order to have a relationship w/our daughter, but I’m not counting on it. Thanks again. If you have any recommended reading for me or any ideas on how I can learn more about what happens to the alcoholic after rehab, that would be great, thanks.
It was truly a blessing to read all these comments of hope and encouragement.i went to rehab in 2003,and relaspsed 4 times within the last 5 years.each relaspe of alcohol an cocaine abuse was worse each time i fell.this last relaspe damn near killed me! i wanted to just keep using until i just passed away,thats how afraid of reality i was,i did not want to come down,i ran and used for 30 days straight.I heard my higher power tell me,lets give this another chance,this time work your program and dont leave any more loop holes.im 30 days sober,and im happy,joyous and free again.this diesease is horrible! let go and let GOD!!!!!
My Nephew has been in drug rehab for a year long program – herion addiction. His Mother is throwing him a graduation party the weekend after he’s out. I have no experience with this but it seems tacky and pretty much setting him up for failure. What should I do? I think it’s good he made it thru this process and I don’t want to hold his head down. I just think he needs to get a life now and I don’t really want to go to this party. I don’t think sending him money is a good idea either. I don’t want to cause a problem but I think this seems very odd. Please give me some help!
@ Nancy – I don’t know if it is setting him up for failure….I think it is a really big deal though if someone makes it to a year clean and sober. Throwing a party might not be appropriate, but it is probably OK too. I guess it depends. My parents took me out to dinner. Actually, I think they took me on a vacation. It was something to celebrate. So maybe as long as it is done in the right way it is fine.
I think you should opt out as kindly as possible if you really don’t want to go to the party though. Maybe write a card or a letter to your nephew instead…..
I met a very nice guy a couple months ago. Everything was great until we took a short trip together where I learned about his alcohol problem. Everything came to a stop very quickly when I tried to talk to him about it. A few days ago, he text me and told me that if I still like him he would like to try again. The next day he went to a rehab facility and is scheduled to be released this week. I like to be there for him but I don’t know what to do. I cannot move in with him. How can I help him?
Well California, you can support him and be there for him, just let him know that you will do what you can to support him and give him some space.
You might suggest that you give each other space for a while, that if you get to close right now then he cannot focus on recovery. If he continues to heal then the relationship can flourish later on. But right now he needs to work on himself for a while. If you can get him to believe you on that one then good job, but that really is probably the best course…..
hi there i really need some advice i am seeing a bloke who has been in rehab for 3 weeks and has got 10 weeks left he seems to be doing really well and doesnt want to drink ever again this is a man who i once dated 16 years then met last year had a very huge row on alcohol then just recently hit a all time low and decided to get help before that since falling out last year we been in and out of touch but he wrote to me and i decided to give him another chance but we live in different towns and he got a bad past in my town is there ever a future for us we cant see much of each other cos he lives in another town and times are limited for where he is living i do have a 10 year old daughter and guess im just scared of it all going wrong and him drinking once he gets out or taking drugs and me and my daughter getting hurt at the moment my kid just knows we friends and im just seeing him odd time but he is doing very well can he really be alcohol free xx
sorry meant to say this is a man i once dated 16 years ago not for 16 years xx
My boyfriend that I live with is scheduled to come out of rehab in two weeks. He is a heroin addict who recognized that he needed help and volunteered to do so. My question is…how do I go about things when he gets out? Do I lay down some rules? What kind of things should change and what shouldn’t? Do I monitor where he is going and what he is doing? How do I tell him about the things that need to change when he gets home?
@ Cheekychops – might want to keep some distance for a while, feel out the situation. Take it slow. Couldn’t hurt…..
@ Angela – I don’t think you should lay down any rules, per se, but you can set boundaries. I think there is a difference there. You are saying “this is what is acceptable to me and what I will keep living with….and this is what will make me leave.”
You are not in charge….but you are not a doormat, either. If you are not willing to live with him using, then tell him. But do not make idle threats. If you make a promise, always stand by it. Otherwise it is just more games, etc…..
I just got kicked out of rehab yesterday. After having 5 weeks sober a roommate had drugs sent in and I used with her. I can barely look in the mirror today- but I came to a great realization, you do not have to be dope sick or even in a bad mood to relapse, I felt great physically and mentally and I just could not say no. I could have taken or left it and I made the wrong decision. Now I am trying to get back to where I was or at least I thought I was. It is a good lesson to learn, the rehab wants me to come back after 30 days and I am really torn because how do I look at the people I basically betrayed and put in danger
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