Everyone has at least a tiny shred of hope when they first get sober. They might be downright miserable–even suicidal in some cases–but they must have at least a tiny bit of hope left in them. When I first got clean and sober, I didn’t really think I had any hope left in me. But looking back, I surely must have. I stuck around to give the whole sobriety thing one more try, even though I was miserable. What made me stick it out was that I accepted how miserable I was when drinking–this state of decision is known as the gift of desperation.
The Gift of Desperation
Sitting in a detox unit without bolting out the door, running to the ATM, and buying a fifth of liquor is an exercise in accepting the first step into your life. Actually, that’s just what the results of the first step looked like for me….on the inside, I had already done the mental stuff necessary to keep me there. That mental stuff was surrendering. I was beat down and sick of trying to keep myself drunk enough to be content. I was so horribly tired with life in general. So this surrender that occurred inside of my was not something that I could have figured out, or initiated on my own, or even decided it was something I wanted to do. It just happened. I was finally beat up enough, and that put me in a state of surrender. I didn’t choose to surrender. I had simply drank my way into it. And so I accepted that first step into my life. My defeat as an alcoholic was total and complete. I was truly whipped. So I stayed in treatment and I started taking suggestions and I did what they told me to do. This involved going into long term treatment, and it was there that I started wrestling with the second step proposition.
The Second Step Proposition
The second step in Alcoholics Anonymous is specifically about coming to believe that a higher power can restore us to sanity. The remaining steps hinge on this decision, and the decision is actually this: am I going to accept a higher power as a solution to my alcohol or drug problem? That is the essence of the second step. The proposition, as outlined in the big book of AA, basically says that we come to a point where we must decide about God: “either he is everything or he is nothing.” What we are really facing is the idea that a spiritual entity can solve our drinking problem.
Undoubtedly, this turns some people away, because they do not see how a spiritual solution can be used to solve what they view as being a physical problem of addiction. For me, I had to get honest with myself and look at what was going on inside. I wasn’t just addicted to chemicals….I was emotionally and spiritually sick inside.
I went through a period of soul searching when I was about six months sober. Looking back, I can see that I was really wrestling with the second step proposition, although at the time I did not know this. I was really trying to think my way through recovery. I wanted to make recovery work for me through logic. It doesn’t work that way.
Moving Towards the Solution: Willingness
At some point in my early recovery, I finally took the suggestion to move past the second step proposition and start acting as if. This was an exercise in willingness. I had come to realize that if this program was going to work for me, I was going to have to do the footwork. Therefore, I had to open myself up to the possibility that a higher power could help me. The transformation that came from this small bit of willingness has made me into a completely different person: I have recovered from that hopeless state of mind and body. The gift of desperation allowed me to experience this spiritual transformation. Desperation gave me hope. That hope was eventually converted to a working faith that keeps me sober today. My hope became faith through willingness.
I had to allow myself to have hope.
I had to force myself to become willing.
Both of those were decisions that were under my direct control. The desperation was a gift from God. My faith is much the same. But hope and willingness were actions that I had to initiate.
Are you choosing hope and willingness today?
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- Holistic Addiction Treatment Center
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I do not know who came up with this or how the hell it has become a catch phrase. I am embarrassed to be present every time I here it said. Two reasons. It is being used to impress and it is stupid. Desperation is a state of mind that can equally cause people to make unhealthy decisions. Please tell me how then is this a gift? A gift would be if a person is given a way to avoid desperation. Good golly please people start using that thing between your ears.
@ Jay – Thanks for your alternative viewpoint!
I still think desperation is a gift, because my life was crappy (even before the drugs and alcohol).
You see? Even without drinking and drugging, I was not very happy. Through the misery of addiction, I found a better path. Better than what I had before. That is why it is a gift. Because it gave me new life, that I never knew.
That’s how it worked for me anyway. Others report similar findings in sobriety…..good luck to you and take care!
Hmmmm. I heard this phrase last night at a meeting. I felt a bit confused about it. Sure I was in a hole and asking for help from G-d. I do not see it as a gift. It is a by product of my disease. The Gift was given to me. It was not something that I did. That is a Gift. A Spirtual Awaking, not from the pain, but from letting go!
For those that use the Fellowships, may G-d watch over you. For those that found the Fellowship of the Spirit…..You know.
As the mother of an addict and as a woman who has had her own personal struggles, I think that what Patrick was trying to express is that when he reached his point of desperation, he was then able to turn his life around. Because he was able to turn his life around from that point – that point became a gift. Desperation was his bottom. When I was younger and quite poor, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of being broke. BUT, being broke turned out to be a gift because that is when I hit my point of “desperation” I changed my thinking about prosperity and decided I could make money and opened my own business and became financially successful – so desperation was a gift. It’s all how we perceive things and how we chose to think. Barry, your gift was that you had hit your bottom before you died and had a spiritual awakening. Some people never get to the point of a spiritual awakening.