Comments on: How Can I Help An Alcoholic or Drug Addict? – Specific Things You Can Do To Help http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-can-i-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-specific-things-you-can-do-to-help/ Non-traditional recovery from addiction Tue, 16 Mar 2010 17:35:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Eric Weishaar http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-can-i-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-specific-things-you-can-do-to-help/comment-page-14/#comment-55888 Eric Weishaar Tue, 16 Mar 2010 04:36:19 +0000 http://www.spiritualriver.com/wordpress-2.0.4/wordpress/?p=160#comment-55888 I have stumbled across this website because I feel I am led by God to speak to others about the throes of addiction. I myself am 6 1/2 years sober from a Crystal Meth addiction that nearly cost me my life. To look at me resume anybody would assume that I was meant for great things. I graduated with honors from a 5A school in Texas and was accepted to the university of Texas to study economics. I was a leader in student government, speech and debate, athletics, etc. I was the all American Boy but decided instead after my first year of college to experiment with drugs. In a flash I went from smoking pot to putting cocaine up my nose. Then it got worse, I found speed. Within a year's time I sold back my books, used my financial aid, and sold drugs to stay high on crystal meth. At the age of 20 I learned to cook my own speed. With an endless supply of dope I found myself so far from the light I welcomed the darkness with open arms. Finally at the age of 21 I was arrested for the manufacture of methamphetamines. Not a light sentence by any means. Thank the lord above I ended up with a 2nd degree felony and no longterm prison time. I ended up doing over 6 months of incarseration, including a stint in a felony correctional rehabilitation clinic. Afterward I struggled with 8 years probation and a felony record. Today I am off paper after completing 5 years of my sentence. I am currently the VP for a multi-state mortgage company and have owned several small businesses of my own. I have a beautiful wife and two wonderful children. I have been to the blackest of the abyss and have lived to tell about it. I am a success because I was willing to change my life and my choices. The one thing I can offer to everyone else on this forum is that only we as individuals can and will make the choice to be sober. I know that all the people on this website want to know what to do for their loved one, but the honest truth is there is nothing to do unless your loved one is WILLING to change. Some need jail, an overdose, or even death to finally realize their own rock bottom. We can onlt pray it is not the latter for your loved one. As a loved one of an addictm the best thing you can do is to stop ENABLING them to continue the addict cycle. Tough love and the allowing them to hit rock bottom will be the only way to save their life. Unfortunatley sometimes a person will die at the bottom. My prayers go out to all who love an addict and walk with them during this dark time. Have hope, I am a living example that it doesn't have to end in heartache. Good luck to all and Godspeed. One day at a time is the way God himself told us to live. Eric W. I have stumbled across this website because I feel I am led by God to speak to others about the throes of addiction. I myself am 6 1/2 years sober from a Crystal Meth addiction that nearly cost me my life. To look at me resume anybody would assume that I was meant for great things. I graduated with honors from a 5A school in Texas and was accepted to the university of Texas to study economics. I was a leader in student government, speech and debate, athletics, etc. I was the all American Boy but decided instead after my first year of college to experiment with drugs. In a flash I went from smoking pot to putting cocaine up my nose. Then it got worse, I found speed. Within a year’s time I sold back my books, used my financial aid, and sold drugs to stay high on crystal meth. At the age of 20 I learned to cook my own speed. With an endless supply of dope I found myself so far from the light I welcomed the darkness with open arms. Finally at the age of 21 I was arrested for the manufacture of methamphetamines. Not a light sentence by any means. Thank the lord above I ended up with a 2nd degree felony and no longterm prison time. I ended up doing over 6 months of incarseration, including a stint in a felony correctional rehabilitation clinic. Afterward I struggled with 8 years probation and a felony record. Today I am off paper after completing 5 years of my sentence. I am currently the VP for a multi-state mortgage company and have owned several small businesses of my own. I have a beautiful wife and two wonderful children. I have been to the blackest of the abyss and have lived to tell about it. I am a success because I was willing to change my life and my choices. The one thing I can offer to everyone else on this forum is that only we as individuals can and will make the choice to be sober. I know that all the people on this website want to know what to do for their loved one, but the honest truth is there is nothing to do unless your loved one is WILLING to change. Some need jail, an overdose, or even death to finally realize their own rock bottom. We can onlt pray it is not the latter for your loved one. As a loved one of an addictm the best thing you can do is to stop ENABLING them to continue the addict cycle. Tough love and the allowing them to hit rock bottom will be the only way to save their life. Unfortunatley sometimes a person will die at the bottom. My prayers go out to all who love an addict and walk with them during this dark time. Have hope, I am a living example that it doesn’t have to end in heartache. Good luck to all and Godspeed. One day at a time is the way God himself told us to live.

Eric W.

]]> By: Concerned Girlfriend http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-can-i-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-specific-things-you-can-do-to-help/comment-page-14/#comment-55812 Concerned Girlfriend Mon, 15 Mar 2010 01:19:06 +0000 http://www.spiritualriver.com/wordpress-2.0.4/wordpress/?p=160#comment-55812 My boyfriend is an addict and has actively sought help, however he does not see himself as an addict and gets frustrated when the term is used, to the extent he has stormed out on his GP. Due to this negative response, he is reluctant to speak to anyone else. He knows he has an issue with drugs and that they highly effect his moods and feels he is dependent on them to have a good time. He also uses them as a coping mechanism for other issues which are going on in his family at the moment. However he has been a user for years. He is using less than he has done previously and can control it to the extent that he will not use in front or around me, but if he runs out and is unable to get hold of anything he spirals into a deep depression, he will also admit that he was an addict previously, but does not see that he might be now. I want to help him and he obviously feels he needs help if he has tried to speak to a doctor about this, but I don't know what I can do if he can't accept that he's an addict. It is putting a lot of strain on both of us, there are no children involved thankfully, but I would like to start to settle down and contemplate kids in the future with him because I know he will be a fantastic dad, but I can't bring a child into an environment like this. We've talked about his drug use before but not at any length or in any depth, as I have never wanted to offended him. He was a user when I met him and I always knew this was a part of him so I don't feel I have the right to ask him to change. It was me who decided to carry on with a relationship, he was honest from the start. He has never lied about his habit, it just seems since problems have started to get worse in other areas of his life the drugs are no longer just for recreational purposes. On the odd occasion I have bought up the subject and we have talked about it he has said he can always see himself being a user. So how do I help him get back to the stage were he will realise drugs are not his only answer and people do want to help him? My boyfriend is an addict and has actively sought help, however he does not see himself as an addict and gets frustrated when the term is used, to the extent he has stormed out on his GP. Due to this negative response, he is reluctant to speak to anyone else. He knows he has an issue with drugs and that they highly effect his moods and feels he is dependent on them to have a good time. He also uses them as a coping mechanism for other issues which are going on in his family at the moment. However he has been a user for years. He is using less than he has done previously and can control it to the extent that he will not use in front or around me, but if he runs out and is unable to get hold of anything he spirals into a deep depression, he will also admit that he was an addict previously, but does not see that he might be now.

I want to help him and he obviously feels he needs help if he has tried to speak to a doctor about this, but I don’t know what I can do if he can’t accept that he’s an addict. It is putting a lot of strain on both of us, there are no children involved thankfully, but I would like to start to settle down and contemplate kids in the future with him because I know he will be a fantastic dad, but I can’t bring a child into an environment like this.

We’ve talked about his drug use before but not at any length or in any depth, as I have never wanted to offended him. He was a user when I met him and I always knew this was a part of him so I don’t feel I have the right to ask him to change. It was me who decided to carry on with a relationship, he was honest from the start. He has never lied about his habit, it just seems since problems have started to get worse in other areas of his life the drugs are no longer just for recreational purposes.

On the odd occasion I have bought up the subject and we have talked about it he has said he can always see himself being a user. So how do I help him get back to the stage were he will realise drugs are not his only answer and people do want to help him?

]]> By: Charity http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-can-i-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-specific-things-you-can-do-to-help/comment-page-14/#comment-54852 Charity Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:00:40 +0000 http://www.spiritualriver.com/wordpress-2.0.4/wordpress/?p=160#comment-54852 It seems there are so many meetings for people who have loved ones that are alcoholics but not for drug addicts. I have gone to Al-Anon meetings but prefer to talk with people who have had the same experiences as I have. I am in a relationship with a man who is a crack addict. We have been together 6 years. I have read so many of these posts on here of people reaching out. There is help out there for us. I use to go "hunt" for my boyfriend when he would dissappear. His drug use consumed my life and made it hectic. But I allowed it all. I have looked closely at myself and learned to make myself come first. We cannot save our loved ones. We can continue to love them but they need to love themselves first. My boyfriend is now in jail because he turned himself in for stealing a gun to pawn for money to buy crack. He was running for a couple years and I allowed it. I could not make him turn himself in. He hit rock bottom and got sick and tired of sleeping where ever he could and having no money. I stopped allowing him to manipulate me and would not let him sleep in my home. I changed my account so that he could not have access. Until he came to realize that he needed help and wanted to stop running there was nothing I could do. I took him to the bus stop where he got on the bus and left to go across the country to turn himself in. I did not know if he really would but I had to let him make that choice. He did and he is getting the help he needs while being locked up. It was the best thing in the world for him. When he gets out it will still be his choice to stay clean. It is my choice what I will allow in my life. It has been very lonely at times because when he was clean we had fantastic times together. It was like living with Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. We talk very open about his addiction and feelings and mine also. The communication needs to be there. The one thing that I have learned from talking with many addicts who have stayed clean for many years is that they have found some type of belief in a higher power and that church, religion or belief system becomes number one in their life. I know how hard it is to deal with the addicts but we cannot control them. We can take control of our own lives and if you have kids, their lives also. There is hope. If anyone ever needs to just chat you can become my friend on Facebook. Just let me know on a message that you have a loved one in the same struggle. My name is Charity Galbraith. Please don't be afraid to reach out. There is someone out here who shares your same hurt. It seems there are so many meetings for people who have loved ones that are alcoholics but not for drug addicts. I have gone to Al-Anon meetings but prefer to talk with people who have had the same experiences as I have. I am in a relationship with a man who is a crack addict. We have been together 6 years. I have read so many of these posts on here of people reaching out. There is help out there for us. I use to go “hunt” for my boyfriend when he would dissappear. His drug use consumed my life and made it hectic. But I allowed it all. I have looked closely at myself and learned to make myself come first. We cannot save our loved ones. We can continue to love them but they need to love themselves first. My boyfriend is now in jail because he turned himself in for stealing a gun to pawn for money to buy crack. He was running for a couple years and I allowed it. I could not make him turn himself in. He hit rock bottom and got sick and tired of sleeping where ever he could and having no money. I stopped allowing him to manipulate me and would not let him sleep in my home. I changed my account so that he could not have access. Until he came to realize that he needed help and wanted to stop running there was nothing I could do. I took him to the bus stop where he got on the bus and left to go across the country to turn himself in. I did not know if he really would but I had to let him make that choice. He did and he is getting the help he needs while being locked up. It was the best thing in the world for him. When he gets out it will still be his choice to stay clean. It is my choice what I will allow in my life. It has been very lonely at times because when he was clean we had fantastic times together. It was like living with Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. We talk very open about his addiction and feelings and mine also. The communication needs to be there. The one thing that I have learned from talking with many addicts who have stayed clean for many years is that they have found some type of belief in a higher power and that church, religion or belief system becomes number one in their life. I know how hard it is to deal with the addicts but we cannot control them. We can take control of our own lives and if you have kids, their lives also. There is hope. If anyone ever needs to just chat you can become my friend on Facebook. Just let me know on a message that you have a loved one in the same struggle. My name is Charity Galbraith. Please don’t be afraid to reach out. There is someone out here who shares your same hurt.

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