How Can I Help An Alcoholic or Drug Addict? – Specific Things You Can Do To Help
- Understand Addiction In Order To Help Addicts
- Get Help Yourself In Order To Help The Addict
- Establish Boundaries And Set Limits With The Addict
- Confronting The Addict
- Organize a Formal Intervention
- Assess A Person’s Addiction In Order To Determine The Correct Approach
- Practicing Detachment
Understand Addiction In Order to Help Addict
This is a logical and very necessary first step. Before you can learn how best to help a struggling addict or alcoholic, you need to understand the nature of addiction. There are several models of addiction that attempt to describe what it is and why it affects people, but none of those models are entirely accurate. Many people have heard of the disease model, which does a fairly decent job of describing what we see in the real world. For example, even addicts or alcoholics who have stayed clean for several decades can relapse and be right back to their old level of consumption within a matter of days.
Also note that addiction can affect potentially anyone, including those who:
- Have no apparent genetic predisposition for addiction or alcoholism
- Have very little environmental risk
- Have no moral shortcomings or laziness about them
Even if you do not believe in the disease model, learning more about how it works is a necessary foundation in learning about how you can potentially help a struggling addict or alcoholic. If you want to know how to help alcoholics then you need to learn about the condition.
Get Help Yourself In Order To Help The Addict
We cannot control a drug addict or an alcoholic, but we can control our own behavior, including how we behave in relationship to a sick and suffering (and possibly manipulative) addict or alcoholic. Therefore, the best thing that you can do if you want to help someone in your life is to get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. The people there can listen to your situation and give you the best specific advice on how to go about handling things. Educating yourself on how to set limits and boundaries is one of the most important things that you can do in this case.
Establish Boundaries And Set Limits With The Addict
One example of setting a boundary is telling a close friend that you prefer they not be around you if they are drunk or high. Notice that it is specific, and you have to sit down and communicate this type of request explicitly with someone. Setting a boundary like this is difficult because there is this tendency to hurt other’s feelings. But that is part of what is keeping you sick, caring more about this person’s feelings than your own personal well being. Setting boundaries is about putting your own personal well being first, and letting that be a guiding example of how to live. You know you are setting effective boundaries when you are taking back control of your own life and starting to regain your own sanity, instead of being all wrapped up in the problems of a struggling drug addict or alcoholic. This is a crucial distance you must learn to keep when learning how to help a recovering drug addict.
Confronting The Addict
Any time that you casually approach this struggling addict or talk with them about the possibility of getting help is an example of an informal intervention. This might not sound like a very useful option compared to a more formal and organized intervention, but nonetheless it can be very effective. In my own personal experience, I finally decided to ask for addiction help and thus changed my whole life after a simple phone conversation with a family member. The reason for this was because timing was everything. Previously, a formal intervention had failed, because I simply had not been ready to make a change at that time. But a key conversation happened at just the right moment, and it set in motion a series of life changing events for me.
Does this mean that you should pester someone incessantly until they get clean and sober? Probably not. Helping an addict is never that straightforward. But you should never give up hope on them, and you should have a consistent message for them without badgering them. Make sure they know that help is available for them if and when they want it.
Organize a Formal Intervention
This is what most people think of when they hear the term “intervention,” where the friends and family of an addict all get together and confront that person together and urge them to get help. This is not necessarily the best choice though. There is a lot of evidence that an addict or alcoholic will only change when they personally come to their own point of surrender. A formal intervention does not bring a person to this point. Many would argue that the intervention would only work if the person is already at this critical point of surrender. Nevertheless, some formal interventions have been successful at persuading people to get clean and sober. Here is a full guide to planning and organizing a formal intervention.
Assess A Person’s Addiction In Order To Determine The Correct Approach
A friend or loved one who is caught up in the cycle of addiction has to be approached in the right way. We all know how worthless it is for advice to fall on deaf ears, and this is bound to be the case with certain approaches in trying to help struggling addicts. But there are specific, proactive actions that you can take regardless of where your loved one is at in their addiction. There are no hard and fast rules here because different personality types will call for different approaches. One valuable guideline might be to always use a caring approach instead of a threatening one. Consider the different levels of denial and willingness to change that an addict or alcoholic might have:
Complete Denial – If a person is in complete denial of their addiction, then there is little that you can do other than focus on your own behaviors and actions. The best that you can do in this case might be to communicate your boundaries with the person and let it be known that you won’t be bailing them out of any jams. A formal intervention is unlikely to produce an immediate change, although it might be a step in letting the person know how much everyone cares for them. In some cases, a formal intervention might be an unhealthy move on your part…better to take care of yourself at this point and simply establish healthy boundaries with the person.
They are Admitting to their Problem, but are Reluctant to take action - This is the difference between admitting and accepting that they have an addiction. This person is technically still in denial, but they just aren’t willing to change yet. The fear of change, the fear of life without chemicals is too great for them, even though they know that they have a real problem. They are caught between a rock and a hard place.
I was in this state for several years, but was scared to get help and make a change. I was terrified of the thought of facing life without drugs and alcohol. What finally got me to ask for help and change my life was a simple, informal conversation with a family member over the phone. This is what finally “did the trick,” whereas a full scale formal intervention in the past had failed. But also realize that the formal intervention might have been a critical part of the journey. They Admit to their Problem and Say they are Willing to Change, but only on Their Own Terms – This is still denial, but in its sneakiest form. The person has agreed to address their addiction and says that they are willing to change. They might even have a genuine willingness to change. But the problem is that they are only going to change on their own terms.
Fear is holding them back. The person is so close to making a life changing decision. Tread with caution and don’t push them over the edge. Be helpful and supportive. Personality type will help dictate if this is the best time for a formal intervention or not. If they are secluded, isolated, shy, or have anxiety or depression, then a formal intervention with lots of people might be a bad idea at this point. If you want to know how to help drug addicts then you have to learn to figure out how hard you can press up against this wall of fear. It can be a tricky balance to attain.
They Accept their Addiction and Will do Almost Anything You Suggest – This is complete surrender, and represents someone who is ready to change. Get them to a treatment center or a twelve step meeting.
Practicing Detachment
One of the key principles that will help you in dealing with a struggling alcoholic or drug addict is detachment. The idea behind it is to separate yourself emotionally from the damaging effects of your relationship with the addict or alcoholic. It is not the same as complete disassociation or abandoning the relationship. The idea is to care for them while detaching emotionally. You can care for them but not feel like you are responsible for them. In other words, you are specifically trying to not get all wrapped up emotionally by an addicts destructive behaviors.
This is difficult.
Practicing detachment should make it easier over time. Here are some things that you can do in order to practice detachment with the struggling addict in your life:
- Don’t do things that they should be doing themselves.
- Don’t bend over backwards to rescue them or save them from natural consequences.
- Don’t cover up for their mistakes or embarrassing situations.
- Don’t rescue them from crisis or financial situations.
- Don’t try to fix them.
- Let go of any guilt you may have about them.
Detachment is not about denying your emotions. If someone close to you dies, for example, you will probably feel sad. You can’t choose this feeling. It simply is. But we do have the power to affect the intensity of this feeling, by focusing on the positive aspects of the situation. We can also change our thinking in an attempt to eradicate irrational beliefs that might be contributing to our emotional turmoil.
The goal is not to go without emotions, the goal is to achieve some level of emotional stability. We are detaching from the negative, irrational thoughts that stir up our emotions, like the guilt we might have if we think someone’s addiction is our fault.
Detachment is difficult and takes practice. I urge you to find local Al-Anon meetings and get involved with them, as those are the people who can help you the most.
Good luck to everyone out there and God bless.
Recommended Reading
- Overcoming Addiction
- Addiction Recovery is about Discovering New Layers of Information
- 5 Ways to Supercharge Your Recovery, Avoid Relapse, and Dominate Your Addiction Over the Holiday Season
- 10 Ways to Embrace Creative Recovery and Take Your Sobriety to the Next Level
- Warning: Taking Massive Action in Drug Addiction Recovery Could Result in Creating an Awesome Life that You are Genuinely Grateful For
- Holistic Addiction Treatment Center
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Todd can you help the ppl that have to look at there addict every day, when do u start believing they want to get better?
Patrick,
Thank you for writing about helping an addict, and as well for your personal story–I read both. I think it really helped me.
In March of this year, a friend suddenly started acting strangely. By the middle of March he wasn’t returning phone calls or notes left to his door. Then things started getting crazy. I found out later that he had been doing drugs and was bi-polar and had had at least one manic episode.
The whole situation left me shocked and saddened because I cared about my friend. When I was reading through the various scenarios about when people are ready for help, I realized at one point my friend had told me he was stopping drugs and going into rehab. To be honest until that point, I didn’t realize how bad it was for him. He never told me much.
Today I’m trying to move on with life. My friend was in hospital (I found out) and then was released and I never heard from him. I’m not mad at him, but I realize now that he was keeping things from me. I’m not even sure if we had the friendship I thought we did. All I know is that I miss him.
I am th adult child of an alcoholic. My mother stopped drinking for 10 years. Then after being hurt on the job became addicted to pain medicine and evetually died last year after a septic shock to her body. Her addiction took over her and our relationship for a few years before her passing. I had helped her when she was revovering during her AA days and once her drug addiction took over, there was nothing I could do but to watch her kill herself. I truly miss her and know there was nothing I could do since she had to done it herself. Now I am faced with my sons addiction.
He has been smoking pot for a bit and now he is into other stuff. I am not quite sure what, but from my going through his phone (after he left our car sitting in a parking lot with an open can of beer, his phone and the car unlocked) I felt I was able to look through his texts to see what the heck was going on. Something about pills…when I notice his erractic behavior of sweating, slurring and stupidity, I am concerned. My husband and I have confronted him and of course he denies everything and thinks we are crazy. My husband is back to placing boundaries in his life and I am beside myself with guilt and I dont know what to do. He is slipping down the slope and and I am falling apart……
hi, my sister was an addict and alcoholic we just met her she was adopted when she was a baby shes 23 she was clean 8 months, but she got a boyfriend who dose drink and drugs, she promised she wouldnt drink or take drugs any more she also attended aa and na meetings, but the other day i met her in the steet very drunk and its really affeting me now i really need some advice im only 16 and i know i shouldnt have this worry and stress on my back its hurting so much looking at this. i havnt seen her around anywhere its really rattling my brain can u hel me?
@ Michael – yeah I think you had a friendship, he is just being mixed up by the booze. Hopefully he will come around. So sad. Keep hope.
@Mama – not a lot you can do other than offer to help him and put your foot down so that you do not enable him. Of course when you push too hard then it isolates them from you and that is not good either. It is a no win situation. Let him know you will help him if and when he decides to quit the drugs.
@Mary – You are awful young to have to deal with this sort of thing, I would steer clear of it if you can and encourage your sister to get help. She is going to have to find her own path, it is unlikely that she will listen to you or anyone else for that matter.
There are organizations you can go to for help. Find an Alateen meeting. If you can’t find one, go to an AA club and ask them to direct you to one.
I have recently broke up with my addict. I have been dealing with this for 2 1/2 years with him, we have tried everything, a year and a half ago he went to a 60 day residential treatment facility and since then has not had more than 3 months clean at a time. Recently his “falls” have been more frequent and bigger. I can’t do it anymore and told him to move out. I don’t know if it was the right thing for him and I love him with all my heart but I need to love myself too. He has all the resources and tools to get clean, my question is,…
Don’t you think it is a choice they make to use after being clean even for two weeks? It’s not something that controls them at that point is it? His drug of choice is crack.
I need help and this is my first start i dont know much about this but i need help i have a brother who needs help
Patrick,
Thank you for this site. It is the kind of information I was looking for. My boyfriend is a beautiful loving person. He recently made the comment that he is a “functional alcoholic”, I believe he is a “barely functioning alcoholic.” Considering how happy he could be if he wasn’t drinking. He has suffered some great losses in his life and believes I will be added to that list of losses. I love the person beneath the alcoholic and don’t plan on leaving as long as I can stay detached in love when he is drinking. I am not sure how to finacially split the bills so that I am not contributing to his alcoholism. I think I will put away into savings the exact amount he spends on alcohol, and cigarettes. He has taken in his deceased girlfriends children and has one of his own who’s mother has recently passed away (every women he has been with has passed away). I feel as though he would like for me to pick up the parenting where he falls short (which is his distance when drinking which is quite often.) I care deeply for the girls are 15,17, and 18. Do you think just being present for them is enough or should I push myself to communicate with them more? I’m not sure they understand fully the deepth of which their father. and father figure, has fallen into alcoholism. I have said very little to him, his mother says plenty for both of us (his father and brother died from alcoholism). When he made the remark to me about being a functioning alcoholic I only said that I worry about his body not being able to handle the amount of alcohol he puts into it , and that I would miss him if anything were to happen to him.
Any thoughts that you can give me would be helpful especially on how to discuss/not discuss his alcoholism with him or his children would be appreciated.
Hi there Annabell
It sounds like you hesitate to bring up his alcoholism directly with him. I don’t know much about what you can say to the kids, and I don’t necessarily have any magic words that you can say to him either. I think you should get help yourself so that you can better deal with the whole situation. You can do this by going to Al-anon and sharing with the people there. You might learn how to set some boundaries and thus be able to demonstrate to him that he is not a functional alcoholic.
I thought I was functional too. But I did have some enablers in my life and I was spinning out of control. He is in the same boat I think. His health might be failing him and that is a big loss of control right there. He just might not see it coming is the problem. So I would go to Al-anon and learn what you can from them and see if they can help you determine how to set boundaries with him and how to approach him with those boundaries.
Good luck.
Hello Patrick,
My boyfriend of 5 months relapsed this weekend. I had no idea he was an alcoholic. It was awful to watch and I was very confused, felt helpless, as I had no clue he was an addict as he was never honest with me about it. Luckily during his relapse of 4 days this wkend he told me to call a support buddy of his. His support friend took him down to the rehab to detox. In the past I have been occasionally drinking with him on the weekends and he showed no sign of an alcoholic. He would have a couple drinks and be completely fine and stop until the next time we went out. Apparently, the last few times he relapsed it was over a breakup, not making enough money….stressful times. His way of relapsing is binge drinking for 3-5 days and then he’ll go into a rehab to detox. He’ll be sober for months and then have another relapse. He told me the problem was that he thought he could have a few drinks and he wasn’t going to AA, as he should have been. His relapses have happened quite often from what I found out. The last time he relapsed was a month before we met, so 6 months ago. I’m very confused on how I should handle the situation. I want to support him and was wondering what you suggest I do to support him? He tells me that he can’t keep doing this to himself. He’s 34, wants a family and wife. He recognizes his problem and what it does to the people he loves and what the consequences are if he continues to do it. He agrees that he can’t pick up a drink again, that he should go to AA one or two times per week and that he needs to find another way to deal with stressful situations. I know I can’t nag him about going to meetings and about drinking. I know he has to do it on his own and I have to trust that he will. I also said that if it happens again that I probably wouldn’t be so supportive cause it’s not fair to me. He gets out today and I figured I should have a talk with him, let him know what I expect and he should tell me what his plan is to stay sober. Do I tell him what I expect from him and then don’t ever bring it up again and hope that he sticks with it? I don’t know, I’m confused. What do you think? What should I expect out of him and what should I do if I catch him slipping if he ever does?
Thank you,
Dawn
Hi
Thank you for this article it helped me understand a bit more of what my ex is going through. He is an addict of weed, alcohol, and of recent cocaine. Hes desperatly unhappy with his life and has reached out to me. Im trying to do research and find ways affective in helping him. Right now hes in the willing to change but only on his terms. So please help with more advice i still care for him and just want to see him well. I know hes capable of so much more in life.
Hi Patrick,
I am currently in a relationship of 4 months with a heroin user. I found out about his use about 2 months into the relationship. After finding out, he has told me time and time again that he wants to stop. He went through w/d and got on Suboxone. Come to find out, after a couple weeks, he was back to using. After that he promised he was done and was going to make a change in his life. Just last week I caught him using again. He broke down and said that he wants to stop and is going to find a plan that works for him. He decided to try going to a Methadone clinic. After two days of that he said he didn’t think that is the best solution and he just needs to suck it up and detox cold turkey. He tells me that once he goes through the pain of detox he won’t want to go back to using, and that the only reason why he stays on the drug is to prevent the w/d symptoms…Suboxone and Methadone are just going to prolong everything. He has agreed to start seeing a counselor/therapist and would like me to attend NA meetings with him for support.
I have stuck by his side these past 2 months, he has lied to me about his use, done it behind my back after endlessly telling him to just be honest.
Deep down I know he feels like a prisoner to his own addiction but it is hard to hold onto hope when I have been lied to so many times. He wants to detox this weekend cold turkey. Check into a hotel room (3-5 days), leave his phone and money at home so even if there is temptation, he wont be able to get it. He says he is going to take it serious this time and that the times before he just wasn’t really ready to stop yet.
I do have hope left in him, but it’s hard to hold on. His addiction has defiantly taken a toll on our relationship and I am working on knowing that I can not do anything to control his actions when it comes to addiction. He is such a great guy that is caught up in a vicious cycle, but I think to myself, when is enough enough? I am 24 and don’t want to have a life that includes drugs. I have told him that I want to be there for him and support him, and be with him but I will not allow the drugs to be a part of my life.
Any advice?
Hi there Valentina
Sounds like he might need some space. I would encourage rehab as well. Tell him you will wait for him if he leaves to go get help. Tell him that he has to give sobriety a chance. Detoxing alone in a hotel room is not a great recipe for success, but I suppose it might work. Better is going to rehab. Why not get help from the professionals?
P.S. I have seen much better results with Suboxone than with Methadone, but neither one is a magic pill that will fix everything.
My husband has relapsed 5 times since July, how many relapses can I live through…he’s fine one day and not the next….he’s pawned most of our valuables, his phone, our kids Wii… At what point do I give up, kick him out, what???? Everytime he leaves the house I wonder if he’s coming back that night..
Thanks for making this! my boyfriend is addicted to drugs and its really messing him up, ive tryed and tryed to help him but it only makes him angry at me, its really sad cuz hes such a great guy and i dont know wut to do :( but ill try taking ur advice, thanks
I just want to say that this is a great website. I just found out that my boyfriend is doing drugs occasionally as he calls it. I know in the past he has done several of the hard drugs (oxycontin, etc). I dont konw if he is addicted or doing it for fun but i do know that when he gets a little extra cash he will spend it on drugs. I dont want to end up trapped in a bad situation but he has spoke before in a joking manner that drugs felt so good, and that why did they have to be wrong, etc. so I know he does not personally want to stop. I think it is only his circumstances making him not do them often. (no money) Do you think this is the start of him getting worse and worse on drugs, and should I leave now so that he will not have me as a crutch for his happiness. I want him to see quickly that drugs are bad and will lead to his destruction and not these wonderful pills that he has them pegged as. His mother just recently passed away so I dont want to kick him when he his down. Thanks again for the site, i am learning alot.
Monica,
My husband and I are in the same situation. His mother passed away three years ago after, a long battle with cancer. He is the only and child. He has become, addicted to prescription meds and alcohol. we have been married for almost five years and I can honestly say the last three has been really bad. He stopped drinking for a year, but still took the pills. I was in denial about his problem and so was he. Then it finally came to a head the other night he became, really angry and hurt himself. We are currently trying to get him in to a unit to detox. Just remeber I know how you feel and he will use this as an excuse. Don’t let yourself get into a situation like mine. I love my husband and this is the very last straw if he doesn’t stick to the help then I will have to leave. If he doesn’t get off them now it’s sounds like he won’t. I hope I have helped in some way!!!
help! I cant find any information to help me. I have someone elses teen children. They are children of adicts. They are drug free & alchohol free. I want to help them go from where they are to successful adults, but I do not have experience with addition. What are the top 5 things I need to know to parent these teens?
My son has been alcoholic/drug addict for 16 years, since he was 16 years old. The lying, manipulative behavior began early and progressed. We had hope that he would get his life together, and didn’t really own that he was an addict until about 2 years ago. This came about when he was incarcerated for the second time—DUIs, stealing, driving without license or insurance, etc. He was so smart that he passes his GED at 99 percentile and immediately was offered a full scholarship into a major university. Unfortunately, after 2 months, he relapsed on pain medication. Now he’s in prison again, in a court-ordered prison rehab facility. While in the first days of this round of jail time, his 2 best friends (girlfriend and male friend) were found dead of an overdose in his home. This seems to have shocked him into reality—now, over 8 months later, and after begging the judge to put him in the rehab, he seems to be “talking the talk”, surrendering to his God, eager to prove he can be a new person. I am learning about detachment, and my heart aches as I learn exactly where the line is between enabling and supporting. So my first question is, do you have insights into where that line is? Also, when he gets out of prison next summer, how do I help him so as not to be enabling? How can felons get jobs these days? Are there organizations or agencies that can help the person? What behaviors will indicate he is “walking the walk” instead of just talking? We are thousands of miles away from him, and he has no relatives close by. Just looking for some guidance here…thanks!
Hi there Liz
The line between helping and enabling is not easy to find in every situation. A general rule might be this though:
Do not do anything for the addict that they could do for themselves if they did not use drugs or alcohol.
That is a clunky definition though and of course if he is now living clean and sober then you probably need more guidance than that. One way to get that guidance is to go to Al-Anon meetings and share your story and get specific advice. Good luck!
Patrick,
Firstly, congrats to you in your success.
My brother 24 years old and currently in the car with my parents driving to Colorado to an alternative treatment center that is up in the mountains. (Not a twelve step). He has been an addict for 10 years. He mostly recently has been taking OC, pot, Suboxon, and xanex. 3 months ago he wanted to quit. My parents didn’t know if a 3rd treatment center would work (he doesn’t seem to take to it) so he basically went through with drawl at their home guided by weekly visits to the doctor. Two weeks of withdrawal were devastating to him physically and mentally.
Long story short, he is using again. He has days that he is sad and just wants to quit and be “normal” and stop using anything. Then when he is under and influence, he says he is fine and doesn’t have a problem and he can smoke pot and just do OC every once in a while.
He has admitted to being scared of what happens after treatment. How can he find a job with a criminal record? What if he wants to use again?
I hope that those moments of wanting to stop all of this are enough to win over his addiction and benefit from treatment this time.
I’m going to an Al-anon meeting this weekend. This is such a consuming disease! I continuously tell my brother that I love him and I will be supporting him and fighting for him.
NEVER GIVING UP..
My boyfriend has a drug addiction…i have tried so many times to get him to understand that he should stop…he does understand he has a drug addiction and he wants to stop but he just doesn’t know how…i really want to help him ..but i just don’t know how to start…i need help…i would really appreciate if someone can e-mail me and let me know how to start helping him…i was actually helping him get out of it like 3 to 4 months ago..he did stop doing drugs for about 2 weeks but he when back to them once more..and now he just let me know that he tried some other substance…and i really wanna help him..he tells me that he does it when ever hes feeling sad, or alone…or when ever he doesn’t have anyhthing to do…please if someone can help …please
hi….
i have a girlfriend who i have been dating for 2 months. she is an addict who is now recovering for now 2 months. She is been relapsing for the past 2 years. she always gets some time clean and then relapse. She tells me all the time.. she doesn’t want to go back to the lifestyle she had. She goes to NA meetings and has a sponsor who helps her get through a lot of times.. but her sponsor is also dealing with a boyfriend who’s still in active addiction. My girlfriend says she doesn’t feel so into her recovery as before.. and says the only things that keeps her away from getting high are her mom, her niece , nephew and me. She knows that if she gets high… she wont come back and a lot of the things we want to do together will get destroyed.. because she knows that if she goes out and get high.. she wont make it back. Her life story is very long.. and lately she is been struggling a lot… but she says she wont act on it. But im scare she can relapse again….She just started to work at a new job.. and everyone there gets high . and this Saturday she was invited to a party where they said everyone is doing Ecstasy.. and even tho we are gonna be together that day…. im scare one day she actually will give in…. I really don’t how what to do or say every time she struggles… like she is been doing lately… specially because i live 2 hrs away from her. and i have never do any type of drugs in my life. i try to read articles addiction so i can understadn her … but i feel i never have the right words…. what should i do? how can i help her? should i go to ala non meetings????
Silvermoon
you are in a very difficult position. I’ve been where you are and I understand. You have to take a stand and make your friend understand where you are at…then (difficult) you have to maintain your stand. You might loose your friend, or the shell he currently is. Or you may get him back. It is a gamble. A big one. Possibly the hardest choice you will ever make in your life and you as a person may not gain out of it. But think. What is more important. Your friendship, or the fact your friend might just get a clue and pull himself out of it. He may never forgive you for giving him the push, quite likely actually. But he lives, and not just that he goes on to have a life he is proud of. You know the right answer already, you just have to be willing to take the step and always be there but in the right way. That is what is being a friend to an addict is. Lonely yes, no fun well obviously no. But you have no choice if you truely care for the person. Step away. Maintain the line, give support. Take comfort in the fact you may just have a chance at helping him save his life. Good luck x
Hello,
I really need some advice. I have a 28 year old brother who we have finally come to realize has a very serious alcohol and drug problem. His girlfriend left him and his 2 year old son. She basically has won custody and my brother only gets to see his child on Saturdays, with supervised visitation. The chapperones are currently my parents and my sister. My brother has no drivers license, works occassionally, and is behind on child support, all because he drinks too much and is too hungover the next day to make it to work. I am trying to encourage my parents to attend Al-anon as they are retired, and I truly believe they will learn to cope with his addictions, but mainly I hope that they will see themselves as enablers. They recently paid my brothers child support for him, they drive my brother every Saturday to the “meeting spot” to pick up his son, and they even pay for the gas, but they don’t see themselves enabling, they don’t mind doing this because it allows them to see their grandchild. I think they need to stop all of this and when my brother goes without seeing his son, then maybe he’ll attempt to turn his life around. Am I wrong for thinking this? Any advice would be appreciated…
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