How to support my sister without enabling her

[oldersis]

I need some advice here. My sister is a long term relapsing alcoholic who has been in 8 treatment programs over the last 30 years. Her immediate family is worn out and sick of this life style. She recently walked away from a long term treatment program because she said it was "abusive". I was so disappointed because her body can't take much more! She has been out 2 days and is now drinking again. Any suggestions on how to support her without enabling her to stay in her addiction?

[Celebration1994]

The sad truth may be that she isn't done yet. The only way to "help" her is to take care of yourself and be there for her when she wants to stop drinking. Al-Anon has great meetings that will help you take care of you and teach you about the alcoholic. The 3 C's of self care in Al-Anon is you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it. Prayers for you and your sister. Blessings

[oldersis]

Thanks for your words of encouragement. My head knows these things but my heart still thinks somehow I can help "fix" her. I appreciate your prayers so much.

[oldersis]

More on my sis. Now I have questions about my brother-in-law. He works out of town and comes home for 3 days every 6 days. He tells me he can't stay around her anymore so if she is drinking (which is most of the time) he leaves and stays with his grown kids. He says he can't kick her out of their house but there must be some recourse for him. The house is "trashed." My sis hasn't returned any of my calls for a week now but reports from her daughter tell me she continues to drink every night until she is incoherent. Any suggestions?

[Celebration1994]

The biggest tool I have found for a situation with my husband, when he continued to drink was that I went to Al-anon to learn to take care of me and to understand how powerless I was. After "trying" to get him to stop drinking, I woke 1 day and said this is insanity....he needs help and not from me. It broke my heart but I had to leave him and let him hit his bottom. He did hit his bottom....he died an active alcoholic. What I learned from this that I was not to blame...he let his disease make the choice for him and nothing I said or did would have stopped him from making the choice to continue to drink. Trying all that time to "get him to stop" was just spinning my wheels and not allowing me to live...I was to busy living in his alcoholism. I am very sad and it hurt when he died, but nothing but him asking for help could have stopped him.

By leaving him and taking care of me did not mean I didn't love him or care...it meant that I was powerless over him and his choices. Today I at times question whether I did enough...but I know I did the best I could....it was his choice to remain drinking.

I lost a husband, my children lost a father....this disease is a selfish theif in the night....that wants us dead....and the only way to not die is for the alcoholic to Want to stop drinking and Ask for help.

[Han]

oh my goodness, i am so sorry for your loss and for the heart break before and after his death xxx