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  1. #741

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    1

    New Member First Post

    Hi All.

    I'm here because I can't quit taking Hydrocodone without some support. It's been about 5 years of 4 - 7.5mg a day, usually 2 or 3 in the morning and 1 or 2 later in the day. It's not much compared to many of you, but every time I try to taper off I fail. I keep rationalizing that "It's not hurting me" but I know it is. It's harming my relationships and my work. It's killing my libido. It may wreck my marriage if I don't stop.

    Today I resolved to publicly admit I have a problem and seek some guidance and support here, and hopefully reciprocate. Yesterday I cut my dosage from 4 pills to 3 pills. I feel lightheaded and I'm craving a pill right now, and the surgery I had on my neck (twice) is starting to hurt. I'm determined to get down to zero in a month and stay there. Unfortunately I can't take NSAIDS. They tear up my stomach. I'll just have to deal with the pain and take plain acetaminophen.

    To complicate matters I'm also addicted to clonazepam (Klonopin). That's going to be my next step after I break free of the hydro, but I can only do one at a time.

    Please wish me well.

    Thanks.

  2. #742

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    2
    Hi Everyone!!!! It's took alot of courage to finally register and post on this site. All the other sites I've posted on, I never seem to get a response.

    I've been addicted to lortab for 5 years. I've tried many times to stop. But never actually got brave enough to stop. I take anywhere from 15 to 30 a day. Just whatever I can get my hands on. I've tried tapering off, that doesn't seem to work either. I've went about a day without them. My legs would start to hurt and I felt as if I couldn't take it, So off I was to find some pills. Pill's are ruining my relationship with my Boyfriend of 3 year's. He at one point was addicted to them and decided it was time to get off them, Me on the other hand didn't stop. I watched him go through the withdrawls like it wasn't nothing. Me on the other hand took my last five the other morning, Ended up going to sleep and waking up crying cause I didn't have anything, I couldnt sleep all I could think about was how to get another pill. I've pawned things to feed my addiction. I've traded things also to feed my addiction. I'm ready to stop and dont know what to do. I guess I'm just asking for advise. I hope someone will reply to me. Anyways, I just took my last to. Withdrawls will soon be here. So please people if you have been through it tell me how you went about it thanks everyone and have a wonderful day.

  3. #743

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    110
    Welcome to the forum Crystal and search4peace! This forum was awsome about 5 mo. ago when I quit. It's been a little slow lately. But I still check it almost everyday.

    search4peace- It seems to me like you should be able to get a handle on this fairly easily. Your neck pain is your biggest issue. But the good news is that you should be able to taper yourself of the hydros in a week or two or less without much discomfort. Just take 1 less pill each day until your down to 1 a day. then take a half of pill a day for a day or two and you should be good to go!

    Crystal- I was right where you are 5 mo. ago. You could try a long slow taper if you can follow a strict plan. Would your boyfriend help you by holding your pills for you and dispensing them on a scedule? And would you not get them else where. Otherwise you could go to a rehab to detox. They would most likely give to suboxen and you would have almost no withdrawl symtoms. I tried to quit on my own so many time I cant even count. I would suffer for 3-6 days only to cave in get pills and then do it all over again. It sucked. I finally went to rehab. I hated the thought of going, but it was the best decision I've ever made. They detoxed me with suboxen and I had almost no withdrawls. And 30 days away from everyday life was what I needed. I checked in to rehab crying on Sept 3rd 2011 and have be completely sober since. I hope that helps alittle. I will pray for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. #744

    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    2
    Thanks CBJ. I don't have any insurance, or I would go through a 30 day rehab. But right now I'm stuck doing this on my own. I just don't know what to expect or what to do. But I have no other choice but to go through with this.

  5. #745

    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    8
    Hey everyone! It's been almost a year since I last visited the site. I was on day 7 off of pills when I relapsed. My relapse was way worse. At first I was taking 7.5/500 about 6-7 per day and then I went all the way up to 10/325 up
    To 25 a day! Then when i would run out I would just take whatever I could get my hands on! I would take waaay too much acetaminophen, because at times I could only get the 5/500 & I would have to take 5-6 at a time to get the same feeling with the 10/325. Anyways I was spending about $100 for a 3-4 day supply. I finally told my husband about 3 months ago & I even got him to get me pills just because he knew I wouldn't be able to function. Well, things finally clicked in.... We have been saving up a bunch of money to buy my husband a new truck. One day he told me that he was gonna take all that money & send me to rehab somewhere out of our town (because I know so much people in the medical & drug abuse business & was too embarrassed to face them) his very words were "I would any day rather have a wife then a stupid truck." I was so touched and knew I had his support. 2 days later I was already in withdrawl, I had him take me to the Dr. Here that prescribes Suboxone. My husband was with me the whole time & made sure he got all the info he needed on the Suboxone. I took the melting tablet at 12:15 in the afternoon and by 12:30 almost all my withdrawl symptoms vanished. It was a miricle. It costed me $40 for 30 tablets. The dr. Told me that I would be on the suboxone for months or even years to get my brain back to normal, and that he's in no rush to get me off. He started me with 2mg every 2 hours 3 times & then one at bedtime. Im still on that dose being that this is only my 3rd day. But I feel so great! I am able to function & not even think about thoes stupid norcos!!! So far it looks like I am Norco free & my husband still gets a new truck!!!

  6. #746

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    110
    Congatulations Hellolife,
    That suboxen is a miracle drug. I too was put on it while detoxing and had the same results. It's almost unbelieveable how great it works. I've been clean for just over 6 mo. now. And haven't even hardly had a craving! Keep up the good work

  7. #747

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    1
    New to site as of 3-7-12. Reading all these posts tonight as I could not sleep, gives me feeling of support already. Just had my 4th back procedure end of Fed 2012, and even though I am in the early stages of healing, I have made the decision to get the Hydrocodone out of my life. Can't even remember when the Hydro came into my life, first back surgery 1997? I am even now working at tapering. I don't want to mess around, but just coming off surgery it will take me time to enguage will all of you. I will know when time is right. Proud of all of you. Can relate to all I have read. CJB mentioned Suboxen, and if I need detox help it is great to hear it has worked so well for you CJB. WILL

  8. #748

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    110
    Welcome to the forum Will,
    If you are still in pain, It might be hard to stop cold turkey. But I heard that Suboxen also works pretty well for pain. You may want to ask your doctor for Suboxen. Tell him you have a tolerence to hydro,s and experience withdrawls without them. And that you want off the hydros. I'm telling you, Suboxen is an amazing drug. It well elininate all withdrawls and may even help with your pain. Regardless, My life is a million time better without hydros. Keep posting!!!!!!!!!

  9. #749

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4
    NEW MEMBER FIRST POST:

    Hello everyone, I found this website today. CJB reading page one and now I see you are a super mod!! What a great story. One of many I have read here. Ok, here goes for me: I see many posts with the exact same feelings, problems, struggles I have been having for years now. I take 40 -60 norcos a day if I can. I have tried the quit on my own, I not addicted, etc. When I try to taper i fail everytime. It seems as if I don't want to quit? Could that be the drugs talking? I have read where people finally "get it" and I know I want to "get it." I would love to quit I really would. I know I am at the last stage here, I am suprised Iam not dead. At times I wish I was. I know in my heart I need the withdrawl treatment, because after the first couple days I go right back when the withdrawls get bad. The 30 days rehab I know would benefit me as well. I KNOW I NEED TO GO. I am not stupid, I am a trauma RN 18 years ER, flight nurse. But if Iam so smart how did I end up here? I have tried the AA, NA meetings etc and yes I slowed down while going, but never quit completely. My story is getting to winded now, please accept me here everyone, and thank you for reading my story.

  10. #750

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    110
    JRN1, Welcome to the forum! It used to be really busy, but kinda slow these days. I still try to check it everyday. When you think "I don't want to quit" that is definately the drugs talking. Doesn't it suck trying to keep that many pills on hand and always worrying about not having enough. I remember the stress of that and always trying to find that perfect timing to quit. Always failing and starting all over again. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad to hear that you are thinking about the 30 day rehab. That's what it finally took for me. That was just over 6 mo. ago and my life is so much better now. Not only every relationship I have, but the peace I have now is amazing. I totally hated the ideal of rehab at first, but I actually cried my first day home because I missed it. That is how much I enjoyed it. So erase all those negative feeling you may have about rehab and just do it. I think you well be surprised how fast the 30 days goes. And if you can get on suboxen maintence you won't even have cravings when you get out.

    What ever you do, pleases keep posting. I would like jorney through this with you!

  11. #751

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4
    Good Morning CJB and all who are here. Thank you so much for your rapid and kind response. It is such a comfort to know that other people are going through this and I don't feel so alone. Although i wish nobody else was going through this but you know what I mean. I know have 3 interviews next week for admission into rehab. Reading the posts here have givin me the strength and courage to do this. This monster is devouring my soul each time I use. I have gotten to the point where I don't care about life anymore. Sadly, I have been praying and praying over and over for the last 3 years for God to release me from the grips of this monster. In my heart I have meant every word of those prayers and they have obviously gone unanswered. I have always believed in God but I must be honest in the fact that I now wonder if he even exists. Many thanks to those of you that read my posts.

  12. #752

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    110
    Good Afternoon JRN1, I think we are the only active posters right now. But welcome to those reading as well. I'm so glad you are going to go to rehab. It really is the best way. One thing you might consider when choosing is their smoking policy, If you smoke. I actually started smoking in rehab. I need to quit. Anyway, I totally understand you death wish. I did the same thing. I lived reclessly inviting death. Prayed hard for it too. It is so ironic how much we enjoy the very thing that makes us so miserable. I totally believe God exists. He has answered many prayers for me. I believe Jesus Christ is My Savior. But thats a whole other story. I hope someday you will come to know the loving God that I believe in. But for now focus on your recovery. Keep us posted on your journey. If they allow internet usage, post while your there. Either way I will be here praying and rooting for you. God Bless!

    Chris

  13. #753

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4
    Hi Chris, thanks for posting and should it be one or a thousand people on this forum I am finding solice. Yes I smoke. About the "God" thing, I seem to think that since I have always been a believer in Christ that this would not happen to me. It has, so for some addict reason I think it is God's fault for not stopping the addiction. Using that logic, he must not exist, because if he were alive, this wouldn't of happened to me. I have saved people's lives literally, I have prayed with patients dying, and I mean as they die before my eyes. I have spoke to patients about Christ and his purpose. Anyway, how could he let this happen to me?? Chris, I will admit that should someone tell me they are going to kill me unless I denounce the existance of God, then I will die. I suppose I have a "blame God" attitude. It has been wonderful almost journaling with you here. Keep posting if you have time, knowing you and others have faced the same battle somehow brings a slight bit of hope!
    James
    Last edited by JRN1; 03-13-2012 at 11:01 AM.

  14. #754

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    110
    Hi James, Wow, praying with dying people? That's powerful. I totally understand your questioning of God right now. Just remember, this addiction is probabaly screwing with your thinking. Have you inerviewed with any rehabs yet? Man, I'm excited for you cuz I know that after you detox, and with suboxen, you won't feel much at all, and you get that first 30 days under your belt, you're gonna be just fine. You'll have a whole new outlook on life. You'll have alot clearer thoughts, and a lot more money in you pockets. God Bless and keep posting.
    Chris

  15. #755

    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4
    Good afternoon Chris, thank you for your post. As you have posted I do see how my mind will be much more sharp soon. I have choosen an inpatient facility, waiting for insurance approval. Thank you again, and God bless you for taking the time to post. I hope I can give back to those in need when I have some sober time under my belt!!

  16. #756

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    110
    You've made a wise choice my friend. I know they'll take good care of you there. Enjoy the break from the everyday stresses of life and embarace all that you can learn. Your gonna have a whole new life soon! Sobriety is awsome! God Bless!

  17. #757

    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1

    New to this

    Quote Originally Posted by search4peace View Post
    Hi All.

    I'm here because I can't quit taking Hydrocodone without some support. It's been about 5 years of 4 - 7.5mg a day, usually 2 or 3 in the morning and 1 or 2 later in the day. It's not much compared to many of you, but every time I try to taper off I fail. I keep rationalizing that "It's not hurting me" but I know it is. It's harming my relationships and my work. It's killing my libido. It may wreck my marriage if I don't stop.

    Today I resolved to publicly admit I have a problem and seek some guidance and support here, and hopefully reciprocate. Yesterday I cut my dosage from 4 pills to 3 pills. I feel lightheaded and I'm craving a pill right now, and the surgery I had on my neck (twice) is starting to hurt. I'm determined to get down to zero in a month and stay there. Unfortunately I can't take NSAIDS. They tear up my stomach. I'll just have to deal with the pain and take plain acetaminophen.

    To complicate matters I'm also addicted to clonazepam (Klonopin). That's going to be my next step after I break free of the hydro, but I can only do one at a time.

    Please wish me well.

    Thanks.
    I could have written this post. I have been taking 4-5, sometimes 6 7.5mg/day. Always 2 in the a.m. when I get up and 2 to 3 later in the day. It has been 5 days since I have had one. I deal with IBS, connective tissue disease (similar to Lupus). I am so tired of being a slave to these pills. I don't drink, I love God, and want to be the best parent and wife. I have NEVER told anyone about my addiction and am even finding it difficult to write about it annonimously - feel so much shame that I can't control this. I have easy, legal access which is not good. I first thought is to change docs - probably a good idea. I always run out before the refill date. I have lied to several people I love about taking them. Now I dealing with the stresses of raising a teenage daughter and all I want to do is curl up and hide. I need help - inpatient is not possible right now due to cost and having to face my family. Every month I run out I say I will quit but I don't. I have never taken an illegal drug - have always been viewed by others as "the good girl", "perfect, crafty mom" - so much pressure. I already take an antidressant, but the current depression is hard to handle. Also going through early menopause due to a hysterectomy. What do I do? I hear stories on talk shows about people addicted and think they took so much more than me and got off them - why can't I?

  18. #758

    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1

    Post I have BEEN there. AND MUCH WORSE. May I share my story and hopefully it will help.

    Ten years ago I started getting moderate to severe lower back pain. Bad discs I was told after numerous MRI's and Doctor's. Of course, the first thing anyone did was start me on pain meds. At first, it was just one or two every month or so whenever I had severe pain, but over the course of ten years, finding a 'pill pushing' Doctor, and a very slow and gradual tolerance build-up, I found myself the last two years of my addiction taking 6 to 7, yes, you read that right....6 to 7 500mg. Norco an average of AT LEAST four times per day and sometimes even five. Worried about the amount of Tylenol I was consuming, I went to a new doctor recommended to me by a friend and asked him to help me ween off the Norco with Oxycotin. Great. Except I kept filling my Norco Rx AND the new Oxycotin Rx and was combining the two for the last two months of my addiction. Well, on my next visit to the Oxy Dr. he did a little computer check-up on me and discovered my double dipping and from then on, the gig was up. Well, as you can well imagine, I broke down in his office both from the shame of being caught and the immense fear of having to go to a re-hab center or just the physical pain of detox which had me paralyzed with fear. Even though I had great insurance through Motion Picture/Blue Shield, I was told by all the facilities I called that unless I was addicted to MORE than just the Norco, they would not accept me as an in-patient person. So of course now all I can imagine is myself balled up in a corner of my bedroom going through heroin like withdrawals and wanting to die. I realized that the quantity of pills I was taking was EXTRAORDINARY and feared the worse.

    Well, a dear friend of mine, and also the Dr. that pulled the plug on my self-medicating, gave me all the information I needed to to a completely save, cold turkey, at home ALONE detox. And i can honestly say...the WORST day I had was experiencing some leg cramps but with the meds my Dr. had prescribed for just such an event, I just slept through most of any and all discomfort. I was also taking massive amounts of Vitamin C, Emergency C's, eating lots of bananas (all of which I either did not really believe in or did not like). However, after just four or five days I was able to sit up on my couch and actually start feeling like a human being again. That day, August 3, 2011 is now almost eight months ago. Don't get me wrong. They say it takes a good two years to really get back to feeling normal, whatever that is, and believe me...I spent plenty of weeks after that initial detox laying on the couch feeling weak, depressed, etc. But the worst of it was over and every day gets just a little bit better. I have had the thoughts of having just a couple here and there, like when I had to go home for my dad's funeral in October and realized I had not been around my crazy family sober in years...but bit the bullit. Oddly enough...no one even knew the difference. I gradually told most of my family my journey and of course all of my friends knew while it was going on but no one besides one or two people, that were also users, EVER really knew how bad it had gotten. All I can say is...get some meds to get through the first week, I used Kolonopin which just made me sleep, take mega doses of vitamins...and STOP beating yourself up. At the quantity your taking, I guarantee you will feel great in no time. That small of an amount will be completely out of your system in 7 to 10 days. I wish you luck my friend. Remember, this is the NUMBER one addition in America today so you are NOT alone. I hope this helps. Sandy






    Quote Originally Posted by feelshame View Post
    I could have written this post. I have been taking 4-5, sometimes 6 7.5mg/day. Always 2 in the a.m. when I get up and 2 to 3 later in the day. It has been 5 days since I have had one. I deal with IBS, connective tissue disease (similar to Lupus). I am so tired of being a slave to these pills. I don't drink, I love God, and want to be the best parent and wife. I have NEVER told anyone about my addiction and am even finding it difficult to write about it annonimously - feel so much shame that I can't control this. I have easy, legal access which is not good. I first thought is to change docs - probably a good idea. I always run out before the refill date. I have lied to several people I love about taking them. Now I dealing with the stresses of raising a teenage daughter and all I want to do is curl up and hide. I need help - inpatient is not possible right now due to cost and having to face my family. Every month I run out I say I will quit but I don't. I have never taken an illegal drug - have always been viewed by others as "the good girl", "perfect, crafty mom" - so much pressure. I already take an antidressant, but the current depression is hard to handle. Also going through early menopause due to a hysterectomy. What do I do? I hear stories on talk shows about people addicted and think they took so much more than me and got off them - why can't I?

  19. #759

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    39
    So I am back to try this thing again! It's been seven days since my last pill. I am having really bad heartburn and today something really odd started and I am not sure if it is related or not. I thought one of you might know. When I woke up my vision was blurry, I washed my face with a warm cloth because I thought it was just allergies. When I turned on the news I had double vision. Not side by side but sort of stacked. It has came and went all day. Missed you all and glad to see that you have all been doing so well!!!

  20. #760

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    89
    Quote Originally Posted by Slave2Mr.Watson View Post
    So I am back to try this thing again! It's been seven days since my last pill. I am having really bad heartburn and today something really odd started and I am not sure if it is related or not. I thought one of you might know. When I woke up my vision was blurry, I washed my face with a warm cloth because I thought it was just allergies. When I turned on the news I had double vision. Not side by side but sort of stacked. It has came and went all day. Missed you all and glad to see that you have all been doing so well!!!

    Hi "Slave 2Mr.Watson": So good to see you on this post and so good to hear you have been off hydrocodone/oxycodone for 7 days. I knew you had hard time last summer. I hope things are better for you now. I do believe that the pills screw up our minds and bodies so bad to the point that we all became their slaves. When you are off the pills your whole body and mind need to go thru the withdrawal. One day more off the pills makes you one day more away from the devil. I am not surprised that your vision problems were from the withdrawal. But if they do not get better in a few days you may want your doc to look at them to make sure you do not have any thing else going on in your eyes. Remember to keep the zero tolerance against the relentless temptation to go back to using the pills.. I also miss other friends that used to post here often with me..

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