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  1. #661

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    Angry

    Dawn
    I agree with Serena about the pain. As a matter of fact, I was in more pain when I was abusing the pain meds. I don't know why. I hardly have pain now except my usual morning aches and pains when I wake up. Nothing that coffee and moving around don't take care of. Let us know how your doing today.
    Serena
    I don't mean this in a sad way but your messages always make me cry but its a thankful cry. It is a blessing to have a friend like you. There was a time in our younger lives that we couldn't imagine being close to someone and never see their faces. My grandparents would never get this.lol. You are awesome.
    Where is everybody!!!!!!!!! Look we quit talking about boobs and menopause.

  2. #662

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    Omg. What is that little orange face above my post. I didn't do that. How did that happen.

  3. #663

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    Made it through Day 2!! I've actually had a little over 60 hrs lortab free!! And today I woke up "ok" which I think is WONDERFUL! Right now I just want energy and motivation . . . its really hard to make it through the day trying to keep all the balls in the air. But my husband is being understanding. . . he's not making me feel bad for slacking on the house work, but he's also not giving me a pass if that makes sense.

    And the pain - it hurts, but I can make it . . . my body has definitely been trying to fool me into taking something though. It's kind of weird how that works. It's like it knows what kind of pain will get pain meds. I've been watching TONS of netflix - trying to distract my mind as much as I can. Wish I could take a week off work and just sleep the entire time! I bet everyone thinks that though.

    One moment, one second at a time . . . . .

    Love you guys

  4. #664
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    Quote Originally Posted by dawn View Post
    Made it through Day 2!! I've actually had a little over 60 hrs lortab free!! And today I woke up "ok" which I think is WONDERFUL! Right now I just want energy and motivation . . . its really hard to make it through the day trying to keep all the balls in the air. But my husband is being understanding. . . he's not making me feel bad for slacking on the house work, but he's also not giving me a pass if that makes sense.

    And the pain - it hurts, but I can make it . . . my body has definitely been trying to fool me into taking something though. It's kind of weird how that works. It's like it knows what kind of pain will get pain meds. I've been watching TONS of netflix - trying to distract my mind as much as I can. Wish I could take a week off work and just sleep the entire time! I bet everyone thinks that though.

    One moment, one second at a time . . . . .

    Love you guys
    Dawn...It sounds like your doing well! Congratulations on day 2!! Your energy level will pick back up. I actually took a week of vacation the first week that I stopped. It was the best thing I could have done becuase I don't think I would have made it at work. I barely thought I was going to make it at home! lol That's also great that your husband is being supportive. It definitely helps to have someone in your corner. I couldn't have made it without my husband and my family and friends and everyone on here. Although my family was supportive it was different to come here and be able to relate to others that were and are going through the same thing. Anytime you feel weak or need an extra push, come on here and post, post, post...we will never get tired of listening. Even if you think your rambling...it will help to get out your feelings.

    Very, very proud of you for making this journey...I'll be honest, it's not easy and your going to be tested, but you can do it! We are here for you!!
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  5. #665
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    Quote Originally Posted by counting days View Post
    Dawn
    I agree with Serena about the pain. As a matter of fact, I was in more pain when I was abusing the pain meds. I don't know why. I hardly have pain now except my usual morning aches and pains when I wake up. Nothing that coffee and moving around don't take care of. Let us know how your doing today.
    Serena
    I don't mean this in a sad way but your messages always make me cry but its a thankful cry. It is a blessing to have a friend like you. There was a time in our younger lives that we couldn't imagine being close to someone and never see their faces. My grandparents would never get this.lol. You are awesome.
    Where is everybody!!!!!!!!! Look we quit talking about boobs and menopause.
    Counting days...you made me laugh soooo hard with the fact we stopped talking about boobs and menopause! lol I'm sorry to make you cry, I understand the "good cry" though, I have done that so often by reading certain posts that really hit home too. It's like, OMG someone understands and you feel better, if even for a moment! I can't tell you how happy I am to find a friend like you as well! It is amazing to have a place that you never even see someone yet feel so connected...You are a blessing in my life, I hope you know that! Who else can I talk about getting a bigger booty, boobs and menopause with??? haha Sorry Doc if your out there!!!

    How are you doing today? I've been thinking about you and I imagined you with your new perspective on living every day to the fullest and I hope your HAPPY today and tomorrow many days to come!! You so deserve it!
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  6. #666
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    Larry, Fred, Doc, T....thinking about you all and wondering how things are going????
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  7. #667
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    Dawn...just logged in to see if you had posted today. Hope your doing ok and hanging in there. I know that day 3 can be kinda tough and I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and we are here for you all the way!!
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  8. #668

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    Good morning everyone
    It is getting quiet in here and I don't know whether to be worried or not. I would love to know how your doing.
    Serena
    Did we run everybody off? How are you? I hope you have a great weekend. Im not sure what mine will be like yet. My friend is slipping fast. Her lungs are filling with fluid. That is a sure sign that it is near the end. I am having a good bit of anxiety because she ask me years ago to do her makeup and nails if anything happened to her. We were laughing about it at the time. She has asked me for real now. You know that I would desire a pain pill to do that. It is making my heart race to think about doing that. I have done that so many times before but not to a close friend. Please pray for me. You are in my thoughts and prayers all the time. I think about everybody on here. I wish someone would let us know how they are doing. I know that hell they are going through. So do you.

  9. #669

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    Counting days... I am soooooooo sorry that you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  10. #670
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    Counting days...It is very quiet in here. I'm really worried about everyone or on the flip side, maybe they are just doing so exceptional and busy they don't have time to post! Lets think positive thoughts!!

    I completely understand your anxiety about doing your friends makeup and nails. When my grandmother passed away I stepped in to help get her prepared and to write the obituary because my mom, aunts and uncles were too emotional. My grandmother had been sick for a long time and you think your "prepared" for someone's passing, but when the time comes your never ready. You can try to honor your friends wishes...think of it as an honor that she trusts YOU to make her beautiful!! When the time comes and if you are too overwhelmed, maybe there will be someone else that can step in to take over. Maybe to do something so very special for her will actually make your grieving a little easier, I know it did for me with my grandmother. That may sound absolutely crazy, I know, but it really did. It helped me to stay strong for my family and for my kids and even for myself. I wanted my grandmother to be beautiful and I knew it was important to her so I had to pull it together for her.

    Please don't let your brain trick you into thinking that you NEED a pill to get through that day or this difficult time your going through. I know it's hard. And I know it would be easy to take one and escape from the pain, but stay strong. I am praying for you and thinking about you and I'm so very sorry. I know your sad and I know your hurting and I hate that.

    I'm sending big {{{HUGS}}} your way!!!
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  11. #671

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    Hey everyone. Sorry it's been awhile. We've been dealing with sick children around here and then getting sick ourselves. I had some more mouth surgery that has proven not so easy to get over. I did get some pain medicine, but you know, when I finally got some and took it I kind of got over it. It's been a week now without any and I realized that I was pining after something that really wasn't worth it in the end and really didn't make me feel any better. The cravings have ended (for now at least). I am struggling with sleep some and am trying to figure out a way to improve that without relying on yet some other medicine to get me to sleep. I have really been working on me and facing some tough issues about my ability to cope with life and why I seem to go through the patterns I do. I have never been addicted before, but there were other unhealthy ways of coping. For me it's a spiritual issue and I need to rely more on God and less on things that aren't fulfilling.

    Anyway, I breezed through all the posts I missed and I hope everyone is doing well.

  12. #672

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    Hi everyone! Well, what do they say, one step forward, two steps back? I don't know if I'm just making excuses or what, but last night and today my pain level is horrendous. Couldn't even sleep last night because it was so bad and today at work has been almost unbearable. I have taken 2 lortabs since the pain started, but its not really helping so much. I started trying to just take ibuprofen and when that didn't work, I went ahead and took 1 lortab and then ended up having to take the other this afternoon.

    I had been doing really well - I was tired and didn't really want to do anything for the last week, but didn't hurt or anything. UGH

  13. #673

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    Serena
    My friend passed away yesterday morning, as a matter of fact it was while I was posting you. Thank you for the advise. Its good. I have a hard time getting over myself sometimes and I have to be pushed forward. I think the thing that is bothering me most is she will not be imbolmed. Not sure how to spell that. She is being cremated. I have touched many dead people and prepared them to look pretty but not like this. I have to go this morning. I feel sick everytime I think about it. I am not strong about this at all. I know that is a shell and she is gone but my brain can't process that. Pray for me today. Thank you my friend

  14. #674

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    Freedom
    it is so good to hear from you. It sounds like you are figuring out a lifestyle change is in order. I found out I had to completely change everything I could to get a fresh start. I even changed jobs to something more demanding of my time. It works. My mind is too busy to pine after pills. It still happens when I hit a rough patch but I get over it quickly. I noticed you said you had a spiritual issue. That will drive you nuts. We absolutely can't do anything right on our on. We need the Lord to hold our hand and walk us through. You are on the right track it sounds like. You will be in my prayers

  15. #675

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    Dawn
    If you are in that much pain then you have to have something. That's just my opinion. Can you have someone monitor your pills for you if you feel like you are out of control with them?

  16. #676
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    Counting days....awwwww sweetie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. I wish I was there to give you a big hug. I can tell your friend was an amazing person and dear to your heart and I wish I knew the right words to say. Remember the good times and I'm so glad that you were able to spend as much time with her as you could. If you need to talk, know that I'm here for you. ♥ you and thinking about you and praying for you.

    Serena
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  17. #677
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    @ Freedom...glad to see you back! The lack of sleep is definitely a big issue. I know that you don't want to think about taking another pill, but in all honestly, ambien was the the only thing that got me through my nights of no sleep and even now after 2 1/2 months, I'm still not sleeping regularly and can't go to sleep without a sleep aid. It's all a personal preference however. I'm like you, I HATE the idea of taking yet ANOTHER pill, but we have to learn the ones that are "good" for us and the ones that are not. I hope that make sense. My doctor was actually the one that insisted I take my ambien because he feared that the lack of sleep would cause further harm on my body. You have to think about your emotional and physical well being. Maybe try melatonin, over the counter sleeping aid. I haven't tried it personally, but know some friends that say it works for them.

    You sound so much like me in the fact that I had NEVER been addicted to anything either. I was one of those people who barely took a tylenol unless I had to. I actually got through a hysterectomy with tylenol years ago and rejected the pain meds because I didn't like how they made me feel and then look what happened...I somehow got addicted to hydro's. Just remember, we don't have to STAY in this pattern. I felt like I was hearing myself talk through your post, I've been saying the same thing...I have to work on me as well. I loved your post and your insight. Glad to know your doing well and you will get through this!!
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  18. #678
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    Quote Originally Posted by dawn View Post
    Hi everyone! Well, what do they say, one step forward, two steps back? I don't know if I'm just making excuses or what, but last night and today my pain level is horrendous. Couldn't even sleep last night because it was so bad and today at work has been almost unbearable. I have taken 2 lortabs since the pain started, but its not really helping so much. I started trying to just take ibuprofen and when that didn't work, I went ahead and took 1 lortab and then ended up having to take the other this afternoon.

    I had been doing really well - I was tired and didn't really want to do anything for the last week, but didn't hurt or anything. UGH
    Dawn, I agree with counting days...if you are hurting severely, you have to do something to eleviate the pain, but I hope I can be honest with you without saying the wrong thing...you also have to be careful to not let your mind trick you into "thinking" that the pain is severe enough that it requires a pain pill because in the beginning of abstaining from the pills that is what happens. It becomes less physical and more mental. If you went an entire week without hurting, then it makes me wonder if it more psychological to all of the sudden feel that your hurting severely enough to need something stronger than over the counter. Does that make sense? I am only saying this because I went through the same thing. Also, be careful taking alot of ibuprofen. It is hard on you internally. My doctor actually recommended that I switch to Aleve rather than a ton of ibuprofen. Unless you are needing something for inflammation?? Then you should alternate. PLEASE be careful getting back into even an occassional pain pill...it will start the cycle all over again. Do some reading on how your brain works through withdrawals and how easy it is for it to trick you back into your addiction. I hope you are feeling better today and having a great weekend! Thinking about you!!
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  19. #679

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    @counting days. I'm sorry about your friend and the difficulty you are facing. You can do this though, and like everyone said, sometimes we are so self-focused that we need to remember that we are here to serve God and others. Your friend counted on you to do that and it means a lot that you will follow through with it. My spiritual issues are actually getting to the point where I believe that God is who he says he is, all things happen for his glory, and he can use all things for his glory. It's not about me and my comfort, happiness, pain level, etc. We aren't promised perfection and no trials when we accept God, but we are promised peace and His strength to face life. I have been a christian most of my life, but am only now getting to a point where I am relying on him. I have patterns that crop up that are unhealthy in that I am not coping the right way. After miscarriage, after painful bouts with my jaw, etc. The hydros were just another example of that unhealthy coping that was easier than facing the real issue. I know I can be set free from it, but I also know it will take diligence in going to Him with it all the time. Anyway, sorry for those who may not understand this stuff or don't agree, but that's where I am and where God has led me to. And, you know, if I hadn't gone through the addiction I may not have reached this point. I think of course we should avoid sin and unhealthy things, but God knew where I was at and used all this for my gain and a greater knowledge of him; in addition to breaking a pattern that might have continued.

    @ Serena, thanks for you encouragement. I think people will come and go on this site, and perhaps I may one day too, but your encouragement and commitment to be on here has helped me and I'm sure many others who may just read and not even post.

    I am coming to the understanding, like Doc said a while back, that the medicine is just evidence of a deeper issue within ourselves that we eventually have to face...be it dissatisfaction, fear of pain, emotional highs, etc. For me it helped me cope through the pain after surgeries and then it gave me energy and (false) strength to cope with my day taking care of 3 young kids. I'm so grateful that I stopped when they are young and am facing EMOTIONS for the first time in a long time so I am feeling again. I'm glad their years weren't tainted by my addiction. I know some of you went through years of this, but again, God knows where we are at and we can change and he will help us when we give it up without fear of condemnation or unforgiveness. I had to accept his forgiveness and with that realize that I had to let go of guilt and shame...it was only holding me back. I am white as snow in His eyes...that's encouraging!
    Last edited by freedom; 10-30-2011 at 11:15 AM.

  20. #680

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    Well....I haven't posted in a week or so because I let myself down.I went to pick up my anti-inflamitories from the doctor and there
    they were with my perscripsion....more Norcos.I didn't tell my doctor I quit and she just refilled them.I am such an addict that I
    didn't even make it out of the parking lot.THIS AFTER 30 something days!?!? I'm an idiot! This was a week ago last Friday.I told
    myself just on the weekends.No chance.I killed the whole bottle of 50 in 8 days.So Saturday was my last pill.I'm back on day 2
    now.The only good thing is I have absolutely no withdraws....THANK GOD! I let myself down big time.I now see how easy relapse can
    be.I was feeling so strong too.I don't have the craving for them,so I'm now done with them....again.Hopefully without falling back
    a few steps this time.
    Sorry everyone! I actually feel I let you down as well as myself and my family.

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