How to beat hydrocodone addiction

[MIKE]

I originally got hooked on vicodin in September of 2001 during a dentist visit.The thing is i had just had a car wreck prior to the dentist visit so i had a couple bottles of hydro already sitting there unopened.i had never ever taken any before and so they sat there.Anyway i was hurting real bad after dental procedure and took one at home and knew i was hooked after just one pill just from the feeling.i had just beaten alcohol,cocaine,cigarettes,etc. two years prior and had been sober two years.Since i had just had a car wreck i was hurting so i starting going to pain doctors once my other scripts ran out.Well here we are ten years later and i am still taking them.the first time i ever ran out was in 2009 and i started buying them off the street when my bottle ran low.well starting in 2010 i ran out and suffered withdrawals.now once a month i run out a week early and suffer withdrawals and i've done this about 25 times already.i beat cocaine,alcohol and nicotine but i have never faced something this tough.the last six or seven years i dropped my friends and isolated myself at home in my room most of the time.i do have my six and five year old children who live with me along with my girlfriend.during this time my mom and sister also got hooked and now my sister is on methadone.i think a lot about the past ten years thing is i can't remember much of it.i've tried sooo many times to quit.

[AmandaD]

Hi Tania,
I'm kind of new to this recovery thing but I do have quite a bit of experience working with young people. That you are so self aware at age 21 puts you ahead of the game. You seem to have insight and appear to be most capable of being honest with yourself and others. Have you considered going to counseling? With the skill sets I mentioned above, it seems you would be a good candidate for doing so. If that is an option for you, you might try to find someone who has experience working with addictions. Sitting down face to face and speaking honeslty with an unbiased person can be very powerful and allows you to put things in perspective so you can develop an action plan. It is great that you are considering sobriety now so that you don't have to wake up 20 years from now with a mind full of regrets! Take care Tania!

[AmandaD]

Glad you are here Mike! Hope this site helps you as much as it has me!

[counting days]

Hey everybody. Yaaa !!! The forum is back up. I was feeling sooo special (sound of me swishing my hair over my shoulders ) because I talked to Patrick, until Amanda D messed me up. Just kidding with you Amanda D. Hope you all had a great weekend. I had a new kind of w/d. This forum is very addictive. That's not a bad pro lemon though. I did panic when I tried to get on last week and couldn't. I thought I got kicked off. Lol I contacted Patrick and asked him if I said something wrong or talked to much. I don't know why I would worry about talking too much.Haha. anyway I am so happy to get back on here. I see we have new people. T. Where are you. Doc and CJB. Where the heck are you. You have to come back. We need you.

[counting days]

Mike. Sorry about my phone putting words in here for me. I just saw the word lemon on my last post. I read your post 2 times and I did the same thing. Run out and withdraw. Terrible cycle. One day you will get so tired and say that's it. That don't mean you will always be successful right away. Important question. How are you feeling physically when its time for that refill. If your pattern is like most I would say pretty decent and then you tell yourself that well I will do better with this refill because I feel pretty good. Maybe a little tired but not too bad. Is that the way it ia for you. Im not saying you are over it but w /ds are behind you when its time for that refill. I hope that very soon since you are on here and talking about it that you are getting tired of that constant worry and control. That stuff has so much power over our daily lives. You just get tired. Stay with us. We try very hard to help each other get through this. Let us know when you are ready. We will support you. I can't so this without my friends here. Pay close attention to T.and Doc.and I hope CJB comes back. Very smart people.

[counting days]

T. Good morning. Were back. Yaaa. I spent the weekend with my kids and grands and I laughed and had a blast. It was a great weekend. I hope you had a great weekend too. Still staying strong. What about Amanda D. She is doing great.

[counting days]

Amanda D. I would like to respond to a question you asked in one of your recent post. I personally feel like you absolutely can recover without being spiritual. To me loving Jesus gives me my purpose for getting clean. I am not religious either. Too many man made rules. I don't want to be like the pharisees. They were religious. I follow Christ. I just get off coarse sometimes. We all do and he knows that. That's why he took on our sins. He love you anyway whether you are following Him or not. I hope its ok to give you my opinion. I only did that because you asked. I will pray for you as will others

[CJB]

Hi everyone, and welcome to Amanda, Mike and Tania,
I was in beautiful Mystic, CT for the last week. Didn't catch as many fish as I would have liked. But it was still a blast. Got my two son-in-laws and one fiance from CA coming for a week tomorrow. It took a while to catch up on all you're posts. Counting, T, sounds like you're doing great. Very happy for you two. Tania, you are so young. I'm am amazed that you are mature enough to be aware of addiction and reach out for help at your age. I would have felt like I was missing out if I would have thought about stopping partying at your age. But the truth is this. You're missing out by NOT stopping. When I think of all the things I've missed out on because of drugs and alcohol. And all the things I don't remember. I wish I could go back and have your clarity. I really feel for you because I know that at your age everyone likes to drink and get high. And the amount of pressure there must be for you. But God has given you the gift of wisdom that I did not have at your age. You realize that you tend to over indulge in drugs and alcohol as almost all of us did and that will most likely be the case your whole life. I have many friends that can drink a little or pop a fews pills once in awhile and then just go on with life, but I am not like that. I tend to over indulge in that kind of stuff which makes me an addict. So I glad your here and I hope we can help you avoid many of the mistakes we have made.
Mike, welcome aboard buddy. This is a great site for encouagement and support while you go through the withdrawl process. We don't judge, and we understand what you're going through.
Amanda, Hang in there. You're in good company

[DOC]

Good Morning to All:

We all have an inner child within ourselves and the inner child is yourself. The inner child needs to be cared and nourished. I have always asked myself why did I want to turn to hydrocodone to feel better? Just like counting days said, when we got the refill, most likely we were doing ok. The withdrawal symptoms were mostly gone. Why did we keep relapsing and turning to drugs and alcohol to feel better? At least for me, I did not have a good medical reason to take hydrocodone. Hydrocodone somehow completed me.. The key word is "complete".. What was missing in me?? Why did I keep relapsing? Why did I need to use drug and alcohol? When I was growing up, I did not want to be a drug addict.. I wanted to be a doctor, scientist, or fire fighter, but not a drug addict. I am 6 weeks in the recovery/sobriety and I do not want to go back using. I want to know what I can do different this time to keep my sobriety for much longer.

For those who are new, this forum is great. You can express your feelings honestly without being judged. I encourage everyone who has the desire to quit drugs to keep trying and staying in this forum. The drug free life is much much better for me because I can live my life and enjoy what I have in my life without the control of drug and alcohol.

[T is back]

Hey everyone,

I'm doing great and hope you all are also. I only have a second, I'm out of town this week and sitting in my hotel room. Just wanted to check in and say hi. I will write more next week when I get home. Welcome to all the new people! Talk to you all in a few days.

[counting days]

Good morning everybody, Getting ready for work. Feeling pretty good. Doc. You have ask THE question. What makes us relapse over and over again when we have it beat. I too wish i had that answer. What is missing in our lives. Do we all have something in common like maybe unstable childhood. A certain type of personality, or maybe just reality is just too much for us to handle sometimes. I dont know either but Doc you have brought up a good point. I do know we all love the way we feel when we take that stuff but at the same time we feel terrible for doing it. I hate being in bondage and i hate more than anything that it affects my relationship with the Lord. I dont want anything to take His place but when i am on that ride it has total control over me and all my relationships. I live with fear now that im not going to make it because i have been clean for over 30 days before and felt wonderful and i did it agian. I look at the last several years of my life and all i see clearly is everything i did is planned around my pills. Now im blubbering again. I cry a lot these days. It is good to have emotions again but everything makes me cry. I think my hormones have been affected by this plus quilt plays a big part in it too. Im going to keep fighting this. If i can get to a year then i will know that i am stronger. Even 6 months will be a milestone for me. Im tired of the cycle. I love you guys and i am so glad to have you all.

[counting days]

hey guys,

Im back home from work now and Doc, I have been thinking hard again about what you were saying in one of your latest post. I was thinking about mind change and lifestyle change and such and such. What does it take for a true lasting lifestyle change. A couple of things entered my mind that will probably make yall think im an idiot but i am a thinker to a fault sometimes. Anyway. I can only use myself as an example. I was not keen on walking for exercise but i would force myself to do it and would only last maybe a week. When I broke my kneecap all of a sudden walking became the most important thing to do.Why? Because I could not do it. Like Doc was saying about dieting. Its hard to stick to it. When we diet we have to cut out cake right? What do we have to have all of a sudden. Cake. Its the same thinking with pills I think. Is some of the addiction hard because we tell ourselves we cant have it anymore therefore we want it more? How do we change our thinking. I know God helps us but He also give us free will and He will not put more temptation on us than we can bear. But some of us are very weak in what we are being tempted with. Another thing that crossed my mind.I can only speak for myself but if a Dr. told me that if I took any narcotic pain pills ever again, even one that it would or possibly could kill me, I know with every fiber of my being that I would never touch them or even desire them. I know yall already have probably felt this to be true for some time and maybe I dont catch on very fast but it makes sense to me. Doc, Thank you for giving me something to think about. I feel like I have to figure a way to change my lifestyle and my way of thinking and do it in a way that is realistic and long lasting like for the rest of my life. Now!!! How to do that is going to take more than a day of thinking lol. Everybody, Come back. I miss yall!!!!! We got work to do. God Bless and talk to you all tomorrow. T. Come back. Im glad you are busy. Great sign that you are getting out there. Its tough aint it girl........

[counting days]

CJB
Im so glad you are back. I missed you and your wisdom. I feel like everybody on here is so dang smart and im the kid that dont know whats going on.haha

[AmandaD]

Day 9
I started counseling last week and we discussed this very thing. I don't know that we will ever find the answer. The counselor said use has a lot to do with a lack of alternative coping skills. I believe that is some but not all of it. She did ask me why I fell in love with the pills and what kept me going back to them. She also ask me to journal what I am feeling/thinking/doing right before I have a craving. She thinks if I identify what comes behind my use we can figure out a different way to cope with "It." What I liked most about hydro: energy, feeling happy, distanced me from my problems, the obsession and self involvement was a distraction in itself, numbed my emotions-positive and negative. As we all know the high came harder and harder to obtain. But I don't know that any of the above is that helpful. Someone recently told me to quit analyzing. Just don't use for now and the rest will come later. I'm not very good at that though it makes good sense. Counting-I think the pills effect hormones but I don't understand how. Not much research about that! I'm still having memory problems. Anyone else experiencing this and does it get better?

[AmandaD]

This thread by Millie is under the "Water Cooler and General Discussion" Forum:

30 Day Challenges
Patrick has continually reminded us that stopping drinking or drugging is just the beginning. We also need to work on personal growth. Many of us have expressed the need to figure out ways to fill the time we previously wasted intoxicated or hungover, as well as ways to live fearlessly and authentically. I think we all just need to start somewhere. As we succeed, we will gain more confidence.

So, to begin, Erin and I have decided to do a thirty day exercise challenge. The rules for this challenge are simple. We must exercise every day for at least 20 minutes, no matter what. No exceptions. We are on day one. If we miss a day, we have to go back and start over on day one.


If anyone interested in joining this challenge, or interested in starting a different challenge, please post. There is no reason why we can't be doing multiple challenges at the same time...or all be doing different challenges.... I think it will be fun to see what challenges folks want to undertake.. The sky is the limit.

[counting days]

Amanda D.
I know you saw this coming but Im in. I actually started power walking this week so can yesterday be my day one. Do I have to do this on the weekend too? Lol. Im up for the challenge. By the way that was very helpful information you posted. I want my thinking and lifestyle to be about taking the best care of my body and mind that I can. Im am no young woman but I ain't old either. I got some living to do. About the memory thing that is a hard for me. I struggle with guilt about it. My precious daughters wedding and reception is a blur for me. I was there but I missed it. That hurts. I had too many emotions that day so I took a few too many and drank champagne at the reception and all I have are pictures of me looking like im having a great time. Ugh. Its making me cry to think about it. Im having problems with my memory now though that I can't explain. Im blaming that on menopause. Anyway I do want to do the challenge with y'all. Thank you

[counting days]

Amanda D
Sorry I ran on about the memory thing. I realize you are not talking about memory during using pills. Sorry. I do have trouble with my memory now though. I am just still struggling with guilt about my daughter and that was triggered. It also shows me why I don't want to do that anymore ..

[Millie]

Counting days. Welcome to the 30 day exercise challenge. Come join us in thread under water cooler to mark your progress. And yes, you have to exercise every day, even weekends. I tried to make it doable with only a minimum 20 minute requirement. I think it will be fun to have folks from both main forums participating!

P.s. If you have already started, you get credit for those days. We don't all need to be on same day.

[T is back]

Hello everyone!

I'm still out of town but will be home in a few days. If I don't get on the forum in the next few days that's why. I'm doing fantastic 30 days clean and loving it! First long trip I've taken without the pills woohoo and it went well, love not having to withdrawal the last part of my trip cuz I would always run out.

I love seeing all the new people posting, what a great tool this is. Stay strong everyone. If I can do it anyone can do it!

I'm considering the 30 day excercise challenge also, I like the idea of if you miss a day you have to start all over with day 1, wow doesn't that sound familiar with another area of our lives lol.

God Bless you all and I will talk to you soon!

T

[AmandaD]

Counting! Glad you are in on the 30 day challenge! And you even got a head start! I am about to go to the thread to post today's workout. Definitely had memory loss then too. Think it was worse but maybe it did some permanent damage! Haha. I'm going to go with you on this one and say hormones. I like that better I thing. I understand that guilt about missing out or not being present for others. At least we can be there for our adult children and our grandchildren. Glad we are getting through this together! T! Congrats on your 30 days! That is fantastic! Glad you are enjoying your trip. We will look forward to hearing from you when you return. See y'all (bet you cant guess where im from) at the water cooler.