hey everyone, its Larry
sorry its been a week or so since i posted but ive had a busy week. all the things ive suspected of happening have happened. i quit my job a week ago today. the anxiety mixed with addiction becaome to much.
thing is im not that worried about it. ive been worried that i would either quit or get fired sooner rather than latter so ive been saving money. i know its the denial of addiction talking but there is no way that i could go clean and work at the same time. ive taken hydros every single day without missing a day for prolly 7 months. with maybe a 2 weeks clean in the last year. my anxiety has been worse ever but ive decided to seek help. ive had two meetings with a counselor this week. i had one this morning. im seeking help with my anxiety that way and gonna try to beat the hydros in the same process. i have a medical dr appointment for thursday and plan to discuss the anxiety and the pill addiction with him as well. i am not clean yet but have cut my pill intake from 6 to 8 daily down to 4 to 5 for the last few days and plan tomorrow to take it down to 3 to 4 then on down to zero hopefully. ive made up my mind to buy no more. its hard because ive gotten at least twenty calls and texts this past week since ive made up my mind to quit from random connections informing me they are "holdin" lol but ive either not responded or told them to no longer contact me. im very worried as i know these next few weeks are going to be hard but important. i know its time to get clean, my life and anxiety are becoming to hard to manage. i havent informed my mother who is a drug counselor of my plans as i have yet to tell her of my relapse. im not sure if i plan to tell her or not. she knows my anxiety is really doing a number on me and is the one who talked me into getting help. i think i will tell her as we have always been honest with each other.
i will post my progress as i start the long road to sobriety.
ive been reading the newer posts since i last posted and were touched by the stories. like invisible girl said it truely is a comfort to have an outlet and a speaking post for us. i know sometimes it feels that we are so alone but together we are strong. the fact that we are here shows that we want to change our lives. and to the people like i once was who just read the posts and think this is exactly what i feel but are afraid to afraid to speak up...the time is now. it feels so much better to just type what u feel and get it off your chest. the first step to beating addiction is admiting to yourself you have an addiction. after that its easy to decide to quit.
hope everyone is doing well and hope to join alot of you on the clean side soon