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  1. #541

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    Sep 2011
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    hey everyone, its Larry

    sorry its been a week or so since i posted but ive had a busy week. all the things ive suspected of happening have happened. i quit my job a week ago today. the anxiety mixed with addiction becaome to much.
    thing is im not that worried about it. ive been worried that i would either quit or get fired sooner rather than latter so ive been saving money. i know its the denial of addiction talking but there is no way that i could go clean and work at the same time. ive taken hydros every single day without missing a day for prolly 7 months. with maybe a 2 weeks clean in the last year. my anxiety has been worse ever but ive decided to seek help. ive had two meetings with a counselor this week. i had one this morning. im seeking help with my anxiety that way and gonna try to beat the hydros in the same process. i have a medical dr appointment for thursday and plan to discuss the anxiety and the pill addiction with him as well. i am not clean yet but have cut my pill intake from 6 to 8 daily down to 4 to 5 for the last few days and plan tomorrow to take it down to 3 to 4 then on down to zero hopefully. ive made up my mind to buy no more. its hard because ive gotten at least twenty calls and texts this past week since ive made up my mind to quit from random connections informing me they are "holdin" lol but ive either not responded or told them to no longer contact me. im very worried as i know these next few weeks are going to be hard but important. i know its time to get clean, my life and anxiety are becoming to hard to manage. i havent informed my mother who is a drug counselor of my plans as i have yet to tell her of my relapse. im not sure if i plan to tell her or not. she knows my anxiety is really doing a number on me and is the one who talked me into getting help. i think i will tell her as we have always been honest with each other.

    i will post my progress as i start the long road to sobriety.

    ive been reading the newer posts since i last posted and were touched by the stories. like invisible girl said it truely is a comfort to have an outlet and a speaking post for us. i know sometimes it feels that we are so alone but together we are strong. the fact that we are here shows that we want to change our lives. and to the people like i once was who just read the posts and think this is exactly what i feel but are afraid to afraid to speak up...the time is now. it feels so much better to just type what u feel and get it off your chest. the first step to beating addiction is admiting to yourself you have an addiction. after that its easy to decide to quit.

    hope everyone is doing well and hope to join alot of you on the clean side soon

  2. #542
    serena's Avatar
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    May 2011
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    199
    Good morning everyone! I haven't posted in several days...had a busy weekend and Monday was my day to play catch up! Today is day 59 for me!! Yay!! I swear, I thought I'd never even be close to day 60...but I'm soooo glad that I hung in there and I'm feeling so much better about my decision to stop taking my hydros. I'm alot like you all when you say you "love your pills"....That's been the hardest part to get past for me is that I actually haven't "wanted" to quit taking them because I love them so much. Much I HAVE to stop...and each day I am out further I understand why. I was not myself while on them. I was in a daze. And today, I feel more like ME.

    I did go to the doctor yesterday to follow up on my neck and upper back pain and he thinks that I have some things going on in my neck...we are going to try some new exercises and posture changes over the next week to see if those help without medication or injections and go from there. He did tell me that if I don't start being proactive in the health of my neck/back then I will be destined to have a ruptured disc. The one thing that bothers me is that I think about the past 10 years...I simply COVERED up the pain with my pills, didn't cure anything or take care of myself, I simply masked what I originally went to the doctor for. So in reality, I believed the pain pills were helping, when they truly just pushed me back 10 years from taking care of myself like I should have in the first place. Now, it could be 100 times worse. Kinda frustrating, but I'll make it...I have a new outlook on things. I simply try not to worry about the things that are out of my control. I've spent way too much time in life doing that.

    One thing that does scare me to death...the thought of surgery somewhere down the line would prompt the need for pain meds even temporarily. I don't think I could take even ONE pill without relaspsing. And I've come too far to EVER go back.

    Hope you all are having a good day. Stay strong and so glad your all here!!
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  3. #543
    Hello everyone!

    I can't tell you how I struggled today. The last of the pills were taken yesterday about noon. This morning I wanted to find some so bad, even called a source and no answer. I've decided since it's been almost 24 hours I am going to give it my best shot to not get any today. I know the farther out I get the less I want to start over. I really need your prayers right now. I can feel my strong side trying to overcome my weak side and the longer I stay away from the pills the stronger my strong side will get. I'm sorry to have let everyone down with my relapse but one thing you can all take away from my failure is don't do it yourself, trust me you don't want to be here and I would give anything to be where alot of you are again. God will get me through this, with His strength I can do this. "Stay Strong"

  4. #544
    It's been a few hours since my last post and wanted to check in and let you all know I'm doing well. It's not easy but for some reason doesn't seem as bad as last time. I think it maybe because I relapsed for 5 weeks and was clean for a month and a half before relapse. I am feeling the effects that's for sure but I'm feeling like alot of it is mental for me at this point. I got to a place today where I realized I don't want to take these stupid pills anymore, I don't want to feel guilty doing this to my family again, I don't want to take the wreckless chances of getting busted and ruining my family's lives and my own. I don't want to take the chance of not waking up in the morning, how could I do that to my children. These are all the reason's I quit before and they are all the reason's I'm quitting again. I just had to get away from the drug for a day to realize how it was destroying me AGAIN! My problem is I get so comfortable in my recovery after a month or so. I am going to have to find a way this time to remember what this is doing to me. Please any of you out there getting comfortable don't forget what these drugs did to you, and also remember you absolutely CANNOT take a few, doesn't work that way. I could have 2 1/2 months behind me but now have to start all over again healing my body and my brain. I'm just thankful I ran out or I would still be stuck in this. Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement, it means the world to me

  5. #545
    Well truthfully I didn't even want to post today and I'm really embarrassed.. I've been doing this all to myself and by myself nobody knew so nobody cared, then I found this forum and I know it sounds stupid but I feel like you are all my friends and routing for me, I know I'm routing for everyone else. Today was well a good day, I went to work, it was busy I took plenty of ibuprofen and honestly pills only crossed my mind once or twice very good since it was only my fourth day off. Then when I left work I listened to my voice mail, yesterday I got a call from my dr's office reminding me of my appointment today.. And then I went from feeling great from being clean to soo happy that I was getting more, I drove straight there and got my monthly script I've taken 3 already since 4 o'clock..
    Hariestmith: I'm praying for you, I'm a failure but you don't have to be.. I was four days in starting to feel like myself again, ignoring the mild pain and discomfort even working without them, granted it was two days but I honestly didn't thinki could go a day. Every day your off is another day closer to being you again..
    Freedom: thank you for the prayers, I've let everyone down on here including myself and my son. I'm still not sure what happened especially after my work day today not even really thinking about my pills that I didnt have, I know it's thebaddiction that just made me forget everything but that's not an excuse, I will always be an addict and if I take my oppurtunitys when they come I'll be a 80 year old addict. Now, even tho I want to be clean with a months supply of pills I'm not sure that will ever happen..
    I may not post here anymore but I will definitely come and read.

    Thank you all for your support, everyone here has been amazing, and reading my last 3 days posts I actually started
    crying I'm so disappointed in myself but everyone here can do you!! I love you all your the only friends tha. Ever had that. Could openly talk about this and even to I don't really know anyone here it feels like I do. Good luck guys. *hugs*

  6. #546
    Quote Originally Posted by Invisible girl View Post
    Well truthfully I didn't even want to post today and I'm really embarrassed.. I've been doing this all to myself and by myself nobody knew so nobody cared, then I found this forum and I know it sounds stupid but I feel like you are all my friends and routing for me, I know I'm routing for everyone else. Today was well a good day, I went to work, it was busy I took plenty of ibuprofen and honestly pills only crossed my mind once or twice very good since it was only my fourth day off. Then when I left work I listened to my voice mail, yesterday I got a call from my dr's office reminding me of my appointment today.. And then I went from feeling great from being clean to soo happy that I was getting more, I drove straight there and got my monthly script I've taken 3 already since 4 o'clock..
    Hariestmith: I'm praying for you, I'm a failure but you don't have to be.. I was four days in starting to feel like myself again, ignoring the mild pain and discomfort even working without them, granted it was two days but I honestly didn't thinki could go a day. Every day your off is another day closer to being you again..
    Freedom: thank you for the prayers, I've let everyone down on here including myself and my son. I'm still not sure what happened especially after my work day today not even really thinking about my pills that I didnt have, I know it's thebaddiction that just made me forget everything but that's not an excuse, I will always be an addict and if I take my oppurtunitys when they come I'll be a 80 year old addict. Now, even tho I want to be clean with a months supply of pills I'm not sure that will ever happen..
    I may not post here anymore but I will definitely come and read.

    Thank you all for your support, everyone here has been amazing, and reading my last 3 days posts I actually started
    crying I'm so disappointed in myself but everyone here can do you!! I love you all your the only friends tha. Ever had that. Could openly talk about this and even to I don't really know anyone here it feels like I do. Good luck guys. *hugs*
    Invisible girl,
    That happens to all of us. I think you really do want to quit and you can and you know you can. Maybe what you will have to do when you get to the point of wanting to quit again is let your doctor know. I know if I have them available I will do them especially in the first few days of recovery. I understand totally where you are at, been there, done that, more than once. Remember the promise you made to your son, not trying to put a guilt trip on you but very important to keep those reasons fresh in your mind! I will keep you in my prayers. I need lots of prayers also, just starting my second day today but feeling good about my decision. I actually have 200.00 in my purse that I didn't have to spend on drugs yesterday, great feeling.

  7. #547

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    89
    Invisible girl, T is back and all others out there:

    I am like you. I have relapsed many times in the past. The tremendous feelings of shame and guilt were killing me every time I relapsed. At that time, the easiest way to feel better was to pop some pills and then everything was ok. When the pills wore off, the shame and guilt resurfaced again, and then I had to find some more pills to take. The cycles go on and on. Often times I asked the same questions why I could not control myself to take those pills? I was doing so good why all of the sudden I could not resist? Now I know that's my addiction. The addiction is for real. I am approaching 100 days now. I do not have the craving any more, but I know I still have the "disease". I would easily relapse if someone offers me some lortabs.
    Every morning, I read the forum. I pray. I proactively make sure I do not have any potential "supply" coming my way. I remind myself everyday that I still have the disease and I want to remember how bad the drug use and withdrawal were to me. A lot of peoples asked: what about if I need to have surgery again in the future? I have thought about that also. It used to drive me crazy. I used to think when I was using: what's the purpose to quit? I might need to have surgery in the future? Why quit? I still had my back pain? Now I realize that's the addiction thinking. Now my back pain is 95% gone. I have not needed any surgery (knock on wood). I need to learn to take one day at a time. One day or any day in recovery/sobriety, is better than any day in using. One day without drugs, the new "me" or new "you" would continue to grow and recover. Our brain will adapt and change the perception of pain and I believe that's why my back pain is almost completely gone without the pills.
    If I ever need surgery, I will not trust myself with the medication. I will let other people take charge of the medication and give me the pills only as prescribed. I have not heard people die from severe surgical pain, but I have heard many people die from overdose.
    Invisible girl, please continue to post. The forum is a safe place to express your feelings. We all have gone thru what you are going thru. I "forced" myself to post everyday since 7/2011, and I believe that posting was the main force to pull me thru this. Hope to see you come back. Hope everyone has a good sober day.
    Last edited by DOC; 10-05-2011 at 08:21 AM.

  8. #548
    _Erin_'s Avatar
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    Jul 2011
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    776
    I was feeling a little sorry for myself this morning. Nothing major, just life in general. Thought I'd toss a couple jokes on here to take the focus off "poor me" for a while. (See, Counting? It does happen to everyone!) These are quotes from Steven Wright, one of my favorite stand-up comics. They're probably slightly funnier hearing him deliver them, but hopefully they bring a smile somewhere!

    A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

    Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

    Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

    Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

    For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

    I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

    I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

    I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

    If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

    When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, 'Do you have any toy train schedules?'

    When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

  9. #549

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    Oct 2011
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    7
    Hey all, I am new to this site and battling hydro addiction. I have been slowly decreasing the amount I am taking and at the point that I am battling fatigue, sleeplessness and just generally feeling sorry for myself. Its good to know that there are others here that understand. I started the hydro to begin with because of chronic leg pain. Want off the hydro badly because I seemed to need/want more and more until I came to the point to where the hydro was all I thought about. I would just feel so much better if I could sleep well through the night. Any suggestions? Thanks to all for support!!

  10. #550

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    May 2011
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    USA
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    Invisible Girl: You are definitely not alone . . . I was doing good as well and then had another bottle handed to me and I've just thrown up my hands again. I'm going to beat this. I can't even stand to look at my family without that feeling of dread hitting. I just think, look how happy they are - they have no idea that what I'm doing could destroy them. It is so unfair to them and it breaks my heart that I am so weak. I have always said I do not want to be like my mother. But I am every bit just like her. I want to be stronger than her and not let my children see me the way I saw her growing up. I kid myself and let myself think that nothing I have done is as bad as what she has, but really it is. They may not see it yet, but it will eventually catch up, I'm sure. I really want to stop myself from hitting that point. I don't want to lose my family.

  11. #551
    Quote Originally Posted by DDTsLove17 View Post
    Hey all, I am new to this site and battling hydro addiction. I have been slowly decreasing the amount I am taking and at the point that I am battling fatigue, sleeplessness and just generally feeling sorry for myself. Its good to know that there are others here that understand. I started the hydro to begin with because of chronic leg pain. Want off the hydro badly because I seemed to need/want more and more until I came to the point to where the hydro was all I thought about. I would just feel so much better if I could sleep well through the night. Any suggestions? Thanks to all for support!!
    The farther out you get from the pills the better you will feel. This is only my second day off the pills since I relapsed 5 weeks ago and I am feeling so much better today mentally especially. I did a fast taper last time but this time I just plain ran out. Wanted some yesterday very badly but once I got to the 24 hr. point I realized what the heck am I doing I need to just stop and each hour I get away from them the easier it gets. The hardest thing this time for me was just deciding to do it, I was so scared of the detox. Now that I am on my second day I know what is ahead and it's going to be wonderful again, won't be long and I will be back to enjoying my life without the guilt and worry and spending so much money and killing myself with these drugs. It hasn't been so long that I have forgotten what it feels like to be clean, nothing like it! I definately fooled myself 5 weeks ago but am hoping each time I come back to being clean I will be stronger. Stay strong and remember each hour you go without the pills the sooner you will start feeling better, keep the poison out of your body as much as you can!

  12. #552
    Quote Originally Posted by dawn View Post
    Invisible Girl: You are definitely not alone . . . I was doing good as well and then had another bottle handed to me and I've just thrown up my hands again. I'm going to beat this. I can't even stand to look at my family without that feeling of dread hitting. I just think, look how happy they are - they have no idea that what I'm doing could destroy them. It is so unfair to them and it breaks my heart that I am so weak. I have always said I do not want to be like my mother. But I am every bit just like her. I want to be stronger than her and not let my children see me the way I saw her growing up. I kid myself and let myself think that nothing I have done is as bad as what she has, but really it is. They may not see it yet, but it will eventually catch up, I'm sure. I really want to stop myself from hitting that point. I don't want to lose my family.
    Been there done that, but with the pills. I just can't take the guilt anymore, I was starting to feel like I was just dying slowly and I would look at my family and wonder what they would think of me if I overdosed and died a pill addict, I just can't stand to think of that and have to keep fighting to stay clean.

  13. #553

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    Oct 2011
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    Thanks so much for your reply. Right now I'm having not only the sleeplessness and fatigue but I am also sooo weepy. I cry at the drop of a hat and dont know what I'm crying about. Thanks you for letting me know that the farther out I get from the pills the better I will feel. At this moment I feel kinda crazy. Guess I'm not used to living life as a "normal" person. I was always buzzed on the pills. I am just so grateful that there are those out there that can relate to what I feel. I suppose I am gradually decreasing my intake because I am scared to death of going cold turkey. I have a family with children and not sure I could handle the detox and continue to be mom/wife to my family. Would you mind sharing how many a day you were taking and how long your detox took; symptoms, etc. Thanks soooooooooo much!!!

  14. #554
    DDTsLove17: detox isn't that bad if you can leave your life behind fir a week or two, I was there for 2 weeks becaue I was on a morphine patch for a year and popping oxys. Those are awful withdrawals, hot/cold flashes, twitches, I was so weak I could drive my car, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I was throwing up and fainting every couple of hours. Getting of lortabs isn't that and at all, lol granted your speaking to someone who as relapsed four times, but the second time I didn't have a choice. My sons dad left me with an eviction notice, 7 months past due rent, no job or car! I just quit cold turkey knew what I had to do and I did it, after about 10 days I didn't think about them at all for months, it was amazing!! I was free (had a lot more cash) and doing things with my friends and family again. I was truly happy, but as soon as I got myself backon track and had extra cash I went right back to them, I'm still not sure why.. Anyway, when I went to detox I slept for almost 10 days straight and when I left clean with nothing in my system the drugsnwere out of my body, but I felt so blah and dead inside. I went back to my life living with an addict that had problem pushing drugs in my face the day I got
    out!!
    Dawn: I completely understand how you feel about your family, I won't even see them anymore. I have no will to, I'm so high on pills all the time why leave my house? There was a period of about a week when I was taking 20+ tabs plus 15 somas and xanex a day, every night for yes, about a week I would leave food out for my 3 year old because I knew one day I wouldn't wake up, finally that idea slapped me in the face, and immediately cut back to about 8 a day. I was even contemplating teaching him to dial 911 in case I didn't wake up, I love my son more than anything in this world, I'm all he has and I couldn't do that to him. He's my motivation for everything!
    T: thank you! I felt so horrible yesterday about even posting what I had done, but now I realize that I'm not alone in that either, it's not easy and ppl are going to fail but as long as we keep at it, we all have a chance, right??
    As for talking to my dr. That's a big joke, he knows there is NOTHING wrong with me but yet he'll give me 210 pills per month? There's not a caring one in his body, and although I know if I told him he wouldn't see me anymore but I keep telling myself I'll just get them, and then get rid of them for extra money but that hasn't happened in like 8 months.. I know that won't happen either

  15. #555

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    223
    Hey Y'all,
    I see we have new people on here. Welcome. I have not posted since Monday. Thanks for the jokes Erin. You are such a sweetheart. I will probably see you over at water coolers. I have had a bad week. A very good friend of mine is dying quickly and I am in terrible grief. I have to go visit her today. I have not seen her in a while. You guys know what im thinking would help me. I have not handled anything like this without pills. Well I have never actually been through this. I have suffered loss but never had someone tell me they are dying and needs me. How do I deal with that. I don't think pills can even help with that. So sorry to talk about myself. There are so many new people on here that I have so much to say to. I am just too full of grief right now. I could use prayer.

  16. #556
    serena's Avatar
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    May 2011
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    199
    @Counting days...I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Both you and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong girlie!!

    @ DDT...I had to take off work for over a week when I quit my hydro's cold turkey. I got chills, muscle spasms, irritability and was very depressed. I went through a super emotional phase. My doc started me on anti depressants and those are helping me now, I can tell a difference. But it's really mind over matter...I believe that I could have gotten through it without them, but I won't lie...my mind is just not that strong all the time. And I didn't want to chance it. I still struggle with wanting to take a pill at times, and I'm over 60 days clean. Sometimes, it just hits me. But it is easier now. Its my choice. I know the consequences if I chose to take one. I know the pattern it would throw me back into. And I can't do that to myself.

    @ Doc...it's so funny that you said exactly what I was thinking about the possibility of surgery. That is the addiction talking. A normal person without addiction would even think about the possibility of pain meds. They would be thinking about the surgery and the recovery. I'm more scared about taking pain meds...I know that if it ever comes to the point that I have to have surgery, my husband will monitor and take control of any pills I might be prescribed and I can't let my addiction control me like that. I have to stop "thinking" so much,huh?

    @ T is back...just checking on you! How are you feeling? You can do this, but you know that!!

    @ Dawn...You can beat this too! I had a doctor that I could have very easily gotten more pills from. I decided that I simply did not want them anymore. It was something that I had to do. I took my husband with me to my appointment and changed doctors to ensure that I wouldn't ask for any pills. He kept me honest. I don't go to any appointments without him. Being accountable to someone helps keep me accountable. It's easier said than done, but you can do it too. It's not gonna be easy, but it can be done. This is one of the hardest things that I've ever done in my life, but I wouldn't change any decision I made to get sober. I am so happy that I made this choice. I didn't want to be like my mother either so I can relate...and I don't want my kids to be like me now. Makes me sad

    Everyone keep your head up!! WE can do this together. WE ARE doing this together at our own pace and in our own way. WE will get through it...
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  17. #557

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    Oct 2011
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    Thank you all so much for sharing. I feel so silly when I experience these symptoms of withdrawal. Like this morning when I woke up I just wanted to cry my eyes out. Dont know why but the crying is necessary I guess. I have tapered my hydros from about 15/20 a day to 7. I suppose I am doing OK with the tapering but dont really know because this is my very first experience trying to break a drug habit. Geez I didnt classify myself as a drug addict, just someone who needed pain meds for chronic pain until one day I realized the pain didnt matter, just the nice high from the pain meds. Thank goodness I am NOT alone in this battle. I will remember each and every one of you daily and say a prayer because I know now that there are others that realize what a battle we are fighting. At least my doc had the common sense to put me on an anti depressant but increased my hydros to 240/month??? Real caring doc huh LOL!! This is it for me, I gotta walk out of the madness into a sane world. Love my family too much to keep this up. Just hope they can tolerate the mood swings, fatigue, sleeplessness, etc. Now that I am down to 7 hydros per day I'm thinking on going cold turkey. My doc advised against it but of course this is the same caring doc that increased my hydros to 240/month. At least if I decide to go cold turkey I know there are others here that realize what it is like. Thanks all of you for the loving support. WE WILL BEAT THIS!!!

  18. #558

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    Oct 2011
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    @Serena, thank you for sharing what its like to go cold turkey. Keep hoping mine wont be so bad since I'm down to 7 hydros per day, but realistically I realize my body has to detox from the opiates that have been in my system for sooooo long. Think I need to just sit my family down and say look. I need a week off to do this if you want your wife and mother back. Keep on keeping on Serena. We will get there!!!

  19. #559
    Quote Originally Posted by DDTsLove17 View Post
    Thanks so much for your reply. Right now I'm having not only the sleeplessness and fatigue but I am also sooo weepy. I cry at the drop of a hat and dont know what I'm crying about. Thanks you for letting me know that the farther out I get from the pills the better I will feel. At this moment I feel kinda crazy. Guess I'm not used to living life as a "normal" person. I was always buzzed on the pills. I am just so grateful that there are those out there that can relate to what I feel. I suppose I am gradually decreasing my intake because I am scared to death of going cold turkey. I have a family with children and not sure I could handle the detox and continue to be mom/wife to my family. Would you mind sharing how many a day you were taking and how long your detox took; symptoms, etc. Thanks soooooooooo much!!!
    Nothing wrong with crying! I think it helps clean the poison out. Make sure you are drinking lots of water to flush this stuff out and put some high quality vitamins and nutrition into your body. If you can stay strong with tapering then do what works for you. Sometimes I could be strong with tapering and sometimes I couldn't, depended on how much access I had to the drug. When you find the strength to finally say enough is enough and you can go as long as you possibly can without taking any you just might find that you don't want to keep starting the detox over again and just go for it. Yes you may not be able to function well for probably 2 to 3 days depending on how much and how long you've been using. I've been trying to get off for several months now and have relapsed more than once. I could take as much as 10 to 15 (10mg.) hydros everyday and this last time I could take that many before early afternoon, scary. A few days before I stopped I was down to almost half that amount but only because I was running out. Everyone is different but the first time I stopped I had these horrible twitching feeling in my legs where I couldn't lay in one position for very long and could not get comfortable enough to sleep so tossed all night long, had hot and cold sweats, made many trips to the bathroom (I've never taken the immodium that is suggested only because I feel like I just want to get the poison out) make sure you drink and drink and drink as much water as you can. Once I hit 24 hours I start feeling better and feeling like I can do this because I start having periods of time where I can think clear and realize I have to do this and don't want to keep starting over or living that way anymore. This is going to sound crazy but I try and visualize my stong side climbing out of that pit, the addicted side will keep trying to take over but the more I do things to stay clean the sooner my life will be wonderful again and as long as I keep moving forward and upward my life and outlook on life improves. This last few days haven't been great but they haven't been as bad as I was expecting, no twitching in my legs, sleep isn't good but not awake all night this time, definately in the bathroom alot. More importantly my mind feels stronger this time and I feel determined not to look for any drugs because I just don't want that life anymore. Yesterday as much as I just wanted to go hide in my room and get in bed, I didn't, I forced myself to go out and do something and felt good when I got home. One symptom that lasts longer is the lack of energy but like so many others have said your brain is retraining itself and that healing can take awhile, you may experience some depression but "this too shall pass." Hope that helps

  20. #560

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    Thank you so much T. I have thought on this all day and I have decided the taper method is just keeping me in emotional turmoil. I think I will take the plunge and go cold turkey. Going to set my family down this afternoon and just say look. I gotta get this monkey off my back. The thing that I see is being prolonged with tapering is the fatigue (extreme lack of energy) and the emotional roller coaster. I just want to be clean of this poison so say a prayer for me cuz here I go!! Thank you ever so much for the tip on drinking water. Makes good sense because how else can we flush our systems of poisons. I dont really have the access or funds for high quality vitamins, etc. but do have some on hand that will probably help. Thanks to all for support and for those fighting the battle, GO GO GOOOOOOOOO!!! We will beat this monster!!

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