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  1. #521

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    Jul 2011
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    223
    Serena
    Sorry about wrong words in my post. Im doing this from my phone and it puts words in for me so try to figure what words really go where.lol

  2. #522

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    223
    How do you make someones post pop up that you want to respond to. I can't figure it out.

  3. #523

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    Jul 2011
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    223
    Dawn and invisible girl
    I know all about relapse and it is harder to stop again because you know what you will go through but it is doable and well worth it. I think that because you know what its like you tend to be more careful not to get too confident and that's a good thing. So ladies we are here, some of us the second or third time around but let's do this. We will be your cheerleaders and walk you through it day by day. I could not have done it without my friends here. I still can't do it everyday without my spiritual river family.This weekend is a good time to start. I will keep you both in my prayers. Im sorry im grouping you 2 together but I don't know how to do the quote respond to quote thing

  4. #524
    Freedom: thank you so much! I don't know why but I woke up 5 times last night to check this page to see if anyone would respond, it feels so good to be able to talk about it freely on here. I know if I told my family, they would judge me in every way possible. I would get yelled at for taking them again knowing I've been to detox before, they don't understand. I have no friends, and the only other person I could talk to it about was a user himself so would tell me to stop and then go buy me more. I know he didn't care about me at all, luckily he's gone now so at least I don't have anyone influencing me except myself. My son means the world to me and it's so sad to look back on pictures of him as a a baby and not really remember his first two years, everyday when I take a moment to stare at his gorgeous face it's like I'm seeing him for the first time and I feel like the worst person in the world.. I woke up this morning determined to whean myself off of them but I know in 5 days when I go back to the dr. Although I'll still want to stop I'll have a huge bottle and it's always harder when you have them around. But I CAN beat this!!
    Counting Days: yes, the second time is harder but earlier this month I was visiting my sisters who moved away several years ago, I'm always truly happy there and I had pills and didn't feel like I needed them at all I even quit smoking the four days i was there. If I can focus on being happy and keeping myself positive about what I have accomplished in life, I can do it again, when my sons dad left a year ago I was in so much of a happier place I quit cold turkey got my act together got a job, pawned everythingi had to fix my car and take care of my son which I did, I've come a long ways and like I said I can do it.. I'm soo happy I found this page, every post on here is a blessing and I have faith in everyone on you.. Nobody would be on here if they didnt want help, it's the first step.. Keeping going strong!!
    Dawn, keep going girl!! you can co it, everyone can and we are all here to help!

  5. #525

    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    14
    Serena: Thank you so much for your positive words! They are extremely motivating and have really helped.

    Counting Days: I really look forward to your posts because there is always something in there that motivates me and keeps me pressing forward.

    Invisible Girl: I know how you feel about not being able to talk to family. Right now, there is only one other person who knows about my relapse and that is the person that has been enabling me. No encouragement whatsoever! It kind of shocks me that someone you care about doesn't try to help you instead of enabling you. And that they kind of encourage you to stay on the drugs. Does it make them feel better that they see you at the bottom? Puzzling. . .

    I'm trying to change up things as much as I can. Make my routine different and stay busy. That helps me more than anything really. As long as I'm not sitting around worrying about it - I do a little bit better. Getting to the exhausted and tired all the time stage even with the stepping down. I did wake up feeling pretty good today though. I really am noticing muscle weakness - is that normal?

  6. #526
    serena's Avatar
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    May 2011
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    199
    Invisible Girl: I truly hope that you find support on this forum, I know that I have and couldn't have made it this far without it! It's amazing how you start to feel accountable to complete strangers and feel like you don't want to let them down, but everytime I think about taking a pill....I come here. Even if I feel like I'm rambling and posting nonsense, I know that it takes my mind off of the craving for a moment and helps me find that motivation that I need to stay strong. And everyone here is so supportive and non-judgmental, I can't say that enough. Nothing is sugarcoated and it's just what I have needed to keep my head above water. I hope you have the same experience with this site!

    It sounds like you do feel alone in this battle, but you have the biggest motivation in your life which is your son! Don't ever forget that. You CAN beat this and it won't be easy, but will be so worth it! It's as if over the past 47 or so days...I have been lifted out of a fog. I can see things in a different perspective and although I don't think I'm back to "myself"...I'm getting there! You will too! I'll be thinking of you and checking in on you and here for you as we all will!
    Last edited by serena; 10-01-2011 at 11:43 AM.
    Serena

    "When everything seems like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top"

  7. #527

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    28
    This is my first time going through withdrawal of any sort. As I said, I've done pain pills in the past for legitimate issues, but never long term and never had any problem getting off. It was only till pain management and getting on them so long that this became an issue. With time came dependence, the fear of withdrawal and the complete love of how they made me feel and function then led to addiction and behaviors that I never would have dreamed I would do. So, my question is, do these cravings get better??? I'm over 2 weeks out now. I'll have a good day, and then these intense cravings come. I also realize that it's over now....I don't have access to any more pills, the doctors all know about the addiction, the dr I'm with now has strict accountability rules or she'll drop me, and I know I don't want to go through finding a doctor again, etc. So, I'm not scared I'll go out and doctor shop or find reasons to get medicine; and I know I'll not break the law again. The fact that I came so close to affecting my family so negatively from my actions really brings me to grief and shame, and is a strong deterrent not to go that route again. So--it's really over, and that fact is hitting me. Please tell me, you who are further along, that these feelings get better! I read through the PAWS stuff, and it makes sense. I know that my body is trying to find its equilibrium again....but I want the hydros to be a distant memory, and instead I'm focusing way to much on the things that I liked about them, and not how they almost ruined me. I was so nervous every time that I forged a prescription, but the ease with which I got the medicine and all at my discretion without a doctor dictating to me really messed things up with my thinking. I'm horrified at what I did and realize how easily I could have been caught and handed over to the police. Instead of being handed over when I finally was caught, they (pharmacist and doctor) showed mercy. Now that is truly amazing! and yet there is part of me that wishes I could still do it!! That seems crazy to me, but there it is. It's so sad to me that I am still having those thoughts that force themselves in when I'm trying to do well.

    Sorry for the rambling of this post, but I was sharing thoughts as they came. I felt I needed to purge all this out of my mind and hopefully get help from you guys who have made it longer than I have at this point. I can't talk about it with anyone else. The only person who knows I am going through this is my husband. I don't want to disappoint him with my disappointing thoughts. I am actively praying and trying to give this to God as the thoughts come; praying that my focus will begin to be directed toward the things that matter--my kids and the life that He has me in right now. Anyway...thanks for those who read this!...and send some encouragement my way.

    Hope everyone had a good weekend. Gorgeous weather down here. It was good to get out with the kids and hubby.
    Last edited by freedom; 10-01-2011 at 09:29 PM. Reason: Keep adding stuff!

  8. #528
    Well it's my second day clean, I have to say although I feel like crap.. When I take 15 tabs a day I feel like crap too, lol.. I remember it being a lot harder than this. I have 2 left that I was saving so that I wouldn't freak out that I was didn't have anymore.. That way I wouldn't need to go search for more and spend a ton of money. My back hurts and I slept a lot yesterday but I wasn't going thru hot/cold flashes and twitching like last time.. This might not be so bad, you guys have given me hope.. Thank you!!! *hugs*

  9. #529
    Hello everyone,

    I am still here and still struggling. I am desperately trying to get back on track. All of you who have given this demon up please don't take even one, it's not worth going through this again, the pills do nothing for you, except put you right back into that dark pit. I could use prayer at this point. Hopefully in the next few days I will get on here and tell you I made it through day 1. Thank you Doc for your kind words, and yes I will need to lean on you and all the rest through this nightmare.

    T

  10. #530

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    223
    T
    I know how very hard it is but it can be done. Do you remember when I joined you guys and I had relapsed and quit and broke my knee cap and took them again. Every single one of them. That last one was july 30th. I know its not that long but longer than I went the first time. I know you can do it. Im the weakest person I know when it comes to pain pills. I love them but I hate them at the same time. The bondage is terrible. Please fight this battle. I got your back. We all do. One day at a time. We will talk you through it. I will pray for you. I pray for all of us. I can't do anything without my Heavenly Father. Let us know when you decide to stop and focus on getting through the first 4 days. Stock up on imodium and Gatorade and funny movies. Ibuprofen helps some with body aches. I think you k ow the drill. Im just reminding you because I had to be reminded. I was not prepared and had to go to store while withdrawing and it was not fun. So how bout it. Do you want to start today if you haven't already started?

  11. #531

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
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    223
    Way to go invisible girl. Let us know how you are today.

  12. #532

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    Jul 2011
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    223
    Dawn
    How are you doing today? Im thinking about you and wondering if your getting past the worst part yet. How many days will this be for you?

  13. #533

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    89
    Hello everyone. It is very good to see different people posting in this forum. The more we post, the more we learn. At the end, it does help everyone in quitting and staying off the pills.

    It has been more than 90 days for me. I am proud of myself, and I know that I will always carry this "disease". It is like having diabetes. If I stay healthy, eat right, and exercise regularly, I may not need any medication for diabetes. If I do not take care of myself, diabetes will come back in no time. Likewise, my addiction is always in my mind. I still think about the pills all the time, but I think about the pills in a more constructive way. If I do what I need to do with my new learned "coping skills", I probably can stay off the pills for a long time. If I do not change my way of living, my addiction will come back tomorrow, maybe tonight.
    Keep posting and good luck to everyone. Like others are saying: If I could do it, everyone else can do it too. I was once very helpless and hopeless when I was deep in using.

  14. #534

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    Jul 2011
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    223
    Doc
    90 days. Has it been the long? WooHoo.Way to go Doc. Im about 30 or so days behind you. I have read many times where you have directed me to change my lifestyle. That is a main key to the door of freedom. I believe the pills will always linger in my mind but I feel as time goes by I will be stronger and be able to push it aside. Im learning to do that. It was your direction that has helped me to get a new job and keep myself busy. I am changing so many things in my life. If I went back to staying home a lot and being bored I have no doubt that the desire would come back. Thank you Doc. You are a blessing to me

  15. #535
    Counting days: don't say since July isnt that long, you're doing a great job!! Today is my third day and I'm darn proud of myself, I'm always soo worried when I start getting low that I go get more and more without even giving myself a chance to quit.. Or feel the real me, these days have been really hard but I can say I feel like a better mom and even tho I feel crappy I feel good, it sounds weird but like I said this is the first time in almost a year I have let myself be free and it feels good and its not as hard as I remember it being!! Yea!!

    T: I know exactly how you feel, I went to detox for two weeks and I still went right back to them, as much as I want to be clean I love my pills.. I feel horrible for saying that but it's true. Today makes day 3 for me and the first day back to work, I felt out of it and like everyone knew that something was wrong with me but I know (or trying to tell myself) that it's just a matter of time before I take back control of my life, I told my son last night that I was going to start being a better mommy and he asked if we were going to start going to the park again because it had been a long time since we went. When I have pills they make me feel good, period so I don't go out and do anything fun because I already feel good.. You can do it!! And your off to the right start wanting to quit, anytime now your going to make that decision and although it's going to be hard you'll be SOOO much better off because of it. I have faith in you, we all do.

  16. #536
    Quick question, does anyone know if it is true that taking xanex makes it harder it quit? I take it because I have panic attacks and it's been a few days since I took any of that either.. I was just wondering if maybe that's why it's easier in my head to quit. I think I heard once that xanex makes you addicted to everything quicker.. I haven't even had to desire to smoke cigarettes I don't know if that's because I'm not feeling good or what.. Anyway, I don't know if anyone knows the answer to that but I just thought I'd ask, I remember last time I got clean and stayed clean for several months I had quit taking it as well..

  17. #537

    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    14
    counting days - I haven't officially had one full day off some sort of pain med until today. I only took a half a pain pill on Saturday and then I took 1 1/2 yesterday. And I actually did only take it because I was in such excruciating pain because I tripped and twisted my ankle and jammed my already hurt back. This morning was hard. I wanted to just cry I felt so bad and because I had an incredibly busy day today. I even had to train someone - not fun. But it did take my mind off of things. I haven't had horrible jitters yet and I took some imodium this morning first thing. I just really can't wait to get home and take a really hot bath. I know that will help the body aches and the pain from my ruptured disc. Listening to my praise music and hoping for better days! Thanks for checking on me and thank you all for your prayers.

  18. #538

    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    14
    I actually think the Xanax helps me. Of course, Xanax isn't a problem for me. I only take .25 mg at a time and its very rare that I ever do. Maybe to help me sleep or if my anxiety is horrible.

  19. #539

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    28
    Quote Originally Posted by freedom View Post
    This is my first time going through withdrawal of any sort. As I said, I've done pain pills in the past for legitimate issues, but never long term and never had any problem getting off. It was only till pain management and getting on them so long that this became an issue. With time came dependence, the fear of withdrawal and the complete love of how they made me feel and function then led to addiction and behaviors that I never would have dreamed I would do. So, my question is, do these cravings get better??? I'm over 2 weeks out now. I'll have a good day, and then these intense cravings come. I also realize that it's over now....I don't have access to any more pills, the doctors all know about the addiction, the dr I'm with now has strict accountability rules or she'll drop me, and I know I don't want to go through finding a doctor again, etc. So, I'm not scared I'll go out and doctor shop or find reasons to get medicine; and I know I'll not break the law again. The fact that I came so close to affecting my family so negatively from my actions really brings me to grief and shame, and is a strong deterrent not to go that route again. So--it's really over, and that fact is hitting me. Please tell me, you who are further along, that these feelings get better! I read through the PAWS stuff, and it makes sense. I know that my body is trying to find its equilibrium again....but I want the hydros to be a distant memory, and instead I'm focusing way to much on the things that I liked about them, and not how they almost ruined me. I was so nervous every time that I forged a prescription, but the ease with which I got the medicine and all at my discretion without a doctor dictating to me really messed things up with my thinking. I'm horrified at what I did and realize how easily I could have been caught and handed over to the police. Instead of being handed over when I finally was caught, they (pharmacist and doctor) showed mercy. Now that is truly amazing! and yet there is part of me that wishes I could still do it!! That seems crazy to me, but there it is. It's so sad to me that I am still having those thoughts that force themselves in when I'm trying to do well.

    Sorry for the rambling of this post, but I was sharing thoughts as they came. I felt I needed to purge all this out of my mind and hopefully get help from you guys who have made it longer than I have at this point. I can't talk about it with anyone else. The only person who knows I am going through this is my husband. I don't want to disappoint him with my disappointing thoughts. I am actively praying and trying to give this to God as the thoughts come; praying that my focus will begin to be directed toward the things that matter--my kids and the life that He has me in right now. Anyway...thanks for those who read this!...and send some encouragement my way.

    Hope everyone had a good weekend. Gorgeous weather down here. It was good to get out with the kids and hubby.
    Can anyone give me advice on the cravings? And what have you all done when you've had to have surgery or a procedure done again? I may have to have more mouth surgery and I don't want to be in pain....so what do you do?

  20. #540

    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    28
    Invisible girl and Dawn....praying for you. The first few days may be hard but I feel that I am finally back to a normal state of being after a couple of weeks off. Keep going. Dawn, how are you going to handle your back pain? Just curious, but it seems like such a hard thing when you have addiction issues and yet still have a real issue of pain to deal with.

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