Wow, there are a lot of good stuff on the post today.. I took a handful of pills one time. I did not have the real intention to commit suicide, but I just wanted to take those pills in my hand, about 15 or 16. I was completely mindless and I was ok if I did not wake up from it at all.. Next day, I woke up. I woke up with the pure state of shock and panic. It was like my higher power just hit me on the back of my head to tell me to really "wake up". I knew at that time, I was given the second chance. If I died that time, I would not have seen my kid's high school graduation. I would not have seen my kid packed and headed to college... Yes, there are a lot of things for me to cherish and be grateful. I love every moment of it.
I would not be able to enjoy what I have if I was still using. To me, my sobriety is on the top of my list. Without my sobriety, I will not have what I have right now. When I was using, I did not care anything or anybody. My kid could be dying and I would still turn my head away to look for hydros. Without my sobriety, I do not have a life. Recently I separated from my business partners to be on my own because I realized they were giving me the most anxiety and emotional turmoil in the past 10 years. I just could not take the ups and downs any more. They are great people but we are not meant to be partners together. It is scary to start on your own, but every moment is worth it. I really want to do something to protect my sobriety. I still love my ex partners, but I do not want them to negatively influence my life any more. Hope my experience helps other people, and have a good day..