How to beat hydrocodone addiction

[counting days]

Erin. Find us one of your cute little jokes today. Slave. I am really worried about you. Please just let us know if your ok. We know you are struggling but you know by now that we wont fuss at you. I can tell there are a few on here that care about you. Just one sentence would be great. We miss you.

[counting days]

Im sorry im talking so much but Doc, how many days clean are you. I know what you are fearing is mentioned in the paws stuff I was reading. Omg. You have almost got this beat. I can't wait to get where you are at. Imagine being at day 4 again. Im sitting here crying my eyes out cause I want to be where you are. I have been there. I am having a big pity party right now. I even dreamed that I couldn't find you guys. I am having crazy dreams when I sleep. Very little. My fear right now is I will get on here one morning and y'all will be gone. Another addiction? Wow I talked a lot this morning. Sorry guys

[T is back]

Good morning!

Counting where did you read about PAWS and what is it? Michael used to talk about how our brains had to retrain themselves to do what the pills were doing for us and it made sooo much sense, that's why he said if you start doing the drugs again it will reset that healing process in your brain, that has helped me alot when I start thinking I can do some, don't want to reset everything I've went through. I wish he would get back on here, he quit in November and I'm sure he is still clean, he was our rock! Today is the 17th day for me and that's where you were at when you broke your knee! I've had a rough couple of days but I think it's getting better, I need to take my own advice and get out and exercise and enjoy life, don't get me wrong I do enjoy life but started having my own pity party for a few days and just couldn't get myself motivated. I'm going out of town tomorrow for a few days so I will try and get on here but if not don't worry about me, I didn't forget you all. Don't ever feel like you've talked too much, I love reading yours and everyone else's posts and could read all day Have a great day and you are almost there, tomorrow you should feel better! Stay strong we can do this! Keep looking up!

[_Erin_]

How about a couple one-liners?

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
The evening news is where they begin with "Good evening," and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Have a wonderful day everyone, and keep trying! Counting, I don't think you have to worry about anyone going anywhere... I believe that for our own personal reasons, we all rely on one another. My reason for being here may not be the same as yours, but you inspire me just the same!

[counting days]

Erin. Hahahahahaha!!!! You are too cute. Keep it up girl. First time I laughed today and its been a looooong day. Thanks sweety and God bless you.

[_Erin_]

So glad to make you laugh! (((((hugssss)))) Stay strong!!

[counting days]

T. Omg. You have to look up PAWS. It is post addiction withdrawal symptoms. It will help you and the others so much because it explains what happens after the first part of w/ds. Very helpful. I had forgotten about reading about it long ago and found the info again. There's a lot about it on the internet. I know CJB and Doc probably know about it. I think with the new knowledge I have about PAWS I will be more aware of what's coming. I understand know why its so easy to relapse. That's why I would love for someone to come on here that knows about paws and their experience and how long it takes. Im sure its different for everyone. Let me know what you think when you read up on it. By the way, I feel like poop today. Just wanted to let EVERYBODY know.lol

[counting days]

T. Im sorry I told you wrong. You need to look up Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms. Sorry. Can't wait to hear from you after you check it out

[counting days]

Well crap. I am loosing my mind. Syndrome not symptoms. If I keep changing it you wont know what the heck im talking about. Here goes one more time. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. There I got it.

[T is back]

Hi Counting, thank you so much for that information. I did go and look it up and it is right on what I'm feeling. Sure helps big time knowing what to expect! and that it is totally normal. Today is a good day for me woohoo, feeling better than yesterday, not perfect but better! I pray you feel better soon, it won't be long you are well on your way now!

Erin, thanks for your sense of humor, makes us laugh

[counting days]

T. Im glad you found it. I find it very helpful too. Of coarse im swimming my way through mud to get back to just day 17 again. I am on day 5 and feel like I should be much better but I woke up with a terrible stomach ace. I am off work till Tuesday but im sure my husband is going to want to go all weekend and I know I wont feel like it. This time he don't know I have done this again. I am dishonest. You guys are the only people that know this time

[counting days]

Doc and CJB. Where are you. I hope yall are ok. Please come back. I want to know what's going on. Also wanted to know what you guys k.ow about PAWS.

[counting days]

Dragonfly. You have been a mystery to me so I searched through different links and found your original post. I am so sorry. My heart is broke for you. Please stay with us. I would love to hear from you. I know the pain you are feeling. I really do. I hope you are reading this. There are some awesome people on this link. God bless you.

[DOC]

Counting Days:

Yes, I remember on Day 4 of my WD, I was feeling very depressed and worthless. Everything was so gloomy and grey. On Day 14, I still had some diarrhea, but you know, every day the weight gets lifted little by little. The chemical is probably out of your body and the rest is to deal with our psychological dependence on the drug. It is like divorcing or breaking up with someone who we have become attached. Every day we will gain more peach in ourself..

[DOC]

I mean "more peace in ourselves." This does not have the auto spell.

[counting days]

Thanks Doc. Today I have been sad a lot. Even a commercial made me cry. I keep imagining terrible things. I remember doing this last time and time before that. I hope I can stay strong this time. Im just so freakin depressed. Im sorry im not being supportive today. I just feel like crying about everything. Doc, im glad to hear from you. Stay strong. Can't wait to get where your at.

[AmandaD]

I have been reading this thread for sometime now but this is my first time to post. I have struggled with one addiction or another for the past several years. In my 20's, it was mostly binge drinking that elevated to more regular drinking in my 30's. I am now 48, and about five years ago I traded my alcohol problem for addiction to hydrocodone. I now have added adderall to the mix. I am a very functional addict which probably makes quitting even harder. I used to have long periods of abstinence but not anymore. Before my daughter left for college I had much more incentive to keep it together-I've not adjusted well to the empty nest. Now I am unable to give my daughter, husband, mother, or my job what each deserves because I am so self centered. It's all about feeding my addiction. When I do manage to string a few weeks of sobriety together I always fail when I begin to feel somewhat normal. What is with that? It makes no sense. I know that pills desensitize me to feelings both good and bad so maybe I relapse when I begin to feel again. I want to be clean so I can be there for my family before it is too late. I want to feel physically well without hangover, withdrawal, or craving the escape. But I'm not sure I am willing to do "whatever it takes" as Patrick suggests. I'm glad I found this site. I've read most of the articles and all of this and another post. It is the best site I've found thus far and have looked at many. Hope to soon be able to say, "Day 1."

[counting days]

Amanda d. I am so glad you came here. We have all been where you are at and some of us are still there. Me, I am starting over AGAIN. I hate the control hydros have over me. We all have relapsed so many times and some of us just run out of pills and go through w/ds and right when you start feeling pretty good it is time for a refill. Me personally and I think I can speak for others, we feel like we have it under control and wont take as much. Only what is prescribed. Yeah right. How many times has that worked. It just has that kind of control until you really have had enough. I too am an older woman and I am horrified at how my daily life has been planned around pills. Even being with my beautiful children and grands. I know what you are going through. God has led me to this forum no doubt. I can't do this without T., CJB, and doc

[DOC]

Hi Amanda, I have realized that we are all different individuals living in different places with different social environment, but when it comes to hydro addiction, our stories are pretty much the same. I can relate to your story, Counting Days', T's, and others'. When I was using, I did not care too much about my wife, my kids, my job, or anything else. I only cared about my hydrocodone. I was busy getting the pills, lying to others, and finding more lies to cover the lies that I told to others. I did not even care if I died. Speaking being highly functional, I was the same way. Nobody else knew about my addiction except me. I did not admit to have problems because I was not like the drunk passed out and laying on the street. I was caught because the pharmacist found out I was taking way too many pills and intervened on me. Even when I was caught and intervened, I did not think I had problems. I knew I was taking way too many pills that could easily kill other people, but I still did not think I had problems. I was forced to go thru withdrawal in rehab in 2003. 10 days later, my wife brought my 3 kids at that time to visit me. At that time I busrt out crying hysterically and started to realized I had a huge problem of the addiction. I was guilty and ashamed. I was angry at myself putting my wife and kids thru this and getting them involved in my addiction. At that time, I told my therapist in the rehab: "Whatever it takes, I want to get clean." "I did have problems and I needed help." I stayed clean for 7 years after that.
My first child left for college one year ago. The empty nest thing was horrible for me. I have to admit that I had hard time adjusting.. I did relapse because I turned to hydrocodone for relief. That was a huge mistake. Hydrocodone only made me feel good for probably only one day and it brought me back into the dark hole of addiction very rapidly. I thought I could control it, take the pills only as prescribed, be careful, and beat the addiction. I started taking only 1/2 of the pill, and the next day I was on the spiral downhill already, taking 4 hydro pills, 10mg each, 4-5 times a day..
Today, I am 37 days clean. I do worry about relapse again, because I feel very comfortable with my recovery now. This is the dangerous time for me. I prayed last night for having the strength to stay clean. This morning, I read the news on the paper. This guy ran the red light and hit the car carrying a husband, a wife, and 2 kids on a busy intersection in my city. The guy was high on hydrocodone and xanax and he survived. Those 4 people in the other car all died. I think my higher power answered my prayer and sent me this message. I am lucky that I did not kill anyone while I was taking my drugs. Thanks for reading and good luck to every today..

[Slave2Mr.Watson]

I have npt had the chance to catch up on all the posts. Been super busy with back to school. Thank you for being here for me. I will finish catching up on the posts and leave a longer one later tonight or in a cpl days. I am still doing ok. I will also re-post my "story" since it seems some of you don't know. I think it would help you when ur giving me the advice I so need.