How to beat hydrocodone addiction

[T is back]

Good morning "slave", i am not sure what kind of medical conditions you have, but it sounds like you body has become tolerant to the pills. The physical dependence and tolerance are part of the addiction process. For me in the beginning, one pill of 5mg hydrocodone/oxycodone would give me the whole day "feeling good". I started taking the drugs for my back injury that occurred 25 years ago. I did have the high from those pills, but gradually i was taking more and more trying to chase the high. I then realized that i could never feel the high again, i was taking so many just trying to feel ok. I got very sick and pain was everywhere if i stopped taking pills for a few hours. One time i took about 8-10 pills and i still did not get the high... My addiction grew from 5mg a day to 150-200mg a day.. We all have the similar stories like this. After numbing/poisoning the nerves and our bodies for years, our pain became intensified once we fell behind the "schedule" of taking those pills.
From my past experience of seeing doctors, you have to be careful.. I would be afraid of seeing the pain specialists. They will give you more drugs and more and more drugs. Soon, you will be in the darker hole. Not all doctors understand the addiction process and treatment. Some doctors will be gladly take your copay and give you whatever you want and then say bye bye. You need to find out if the doctors understand and treat addiction. Seeing a psychologist is a good start. You can start pouring out your bad feelings about your anxiety/ptsd/shame/guilt/anger/addiction/relationship/etc to your psychologist to start your medical healing. Do not take those issues in your own hands. Go to the church or places to find your God or higher power to start your spiritual healing. Be honest to them. Tell them you have problems with the drugs. Tell them all of your problems.
I had a lot of pain when i was using.. A lot of pain. I could not imaging what i would do for my pain if i stopped taking the pills. Guess what, strangely, my pain is completely gone now.. I have not taken pills for 26 days. All of my feelings and emotions are back. Of course i still feel some pain here and there, but i am able to deal with the pain like a little toddler who falls and cries a little bit and then gets up and keeps walking again.. all of the sudden, the pain is not an issue anymore..

Hey what's up Doc? Good to see you are doing well. I agree with you, my pain disappeared also after getting off the drugs. I believe the drugs were shutting down my body bit by bit and slowly killing me. I was amazed at how fast the pain went away and am so thankful. The past few days I've been doing well although still not the energy I would like but I know that will come in time, this too shall pass! Just like you I started with a small amount and lasted all day, eventually I was taking 10 to 15 (10 mg.) a day and maybe even more, I never really counted too much as long as I had plenty for the next day. I can remember being so frustrated popping a few more, waiting, popping a few more, waiting and never feeling them. I took them like candy not realizing what they were doing to my health. At the time there was nothing in the world that was worse than running low, if that happened, I should say "when" that happened because it happened alot. I planned my life and events according to how many pills I had and when I would get more. A few times I had it lined up to get more so I could get through an event and the supplier wouldn't come through and guess what I would have to change my whole life around and cancel whatever no matter how important the event, yes I was under complete control of the drugs, they dictated every move of my life! No more, I've told satan to go to hell (because hell is made for him) I'm not doing this anymore! I hope you all will stay on this forum, it is key to our recovery. I wish CJB would post, are you still there CJB?

[T is back]

hey T, and everyone. Sounds like everyone is doing well. I've been traing someone here at work so I haven't been able to post. But I have been reading all your posts. T, I'm am very honored that you were encourage or helped in some way by me. That is such a blessing. To be a blessing. And now you are the one blessing others. You too, Conting! Slave, We are here for you. We understand how it is to need the very pills you hate. That doesn't make sense to a normal person, but it does to us. I feel closer and safer with all of you than I do with some in my own family. They have never been where we have. Gotta go for now. Keep your chin up slave.

Thank you so much CJB for posting, you made my day and I am thrilled you are still here and yes you have helped me more than you can imagine. I was in such a fog the past few months that I'd forgotten the people who were in this with me, like I'd said earlier I have no recollection of one of the times I tried to get clean and relapsed. That's another and very important reason to stay on the road to life, there is always going to be people out there and on this forum who need us and we need to stay strong for them also. I was sooooo ashamed after being clean for over a month and then relapsing, I stayed off the forum because of that shame! That was a mistake, even if people fall and they (sometimes) will I hope everyone stays, no judgement here, just want to help people think clear when they can't think clear on their own.

[DOC]

Hey, t. Our stories are so much alike, and i have relapsed in the past also. Lets keep helping each other out and walking down the path towards recovery together.. I cant take any more pills for now. One little pill will bring me back to the hell right away. No way! The pills will stay in the hell. I am out of there..

[T is back]

Hey, t. Our stories are so much alike, and i have relapsed in the past also. Lets keep helping each other out and walking down the path towards recovery together.. I cant take any more pills for now. One little pill will bring me back to the hell right away. No way! The pills will stay in the hell. I am out of there..

I agree Doc! By the way are you a real doctor? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. You have a good mindset and I feel the same way, I cannot take even one........ever! If I get injured or something I will have to cross that bridge when I get there, I don't know at this point what I would do but I don't want to worry about that right now, I am so enjoying not being in that dark place right now. Today marks the 9th day of freedom for me and I am still finding I have to force myself to do things I don't want to do but that's okay that's part of the journey I'm on now and it gets a little easier each day. I do have to make sure I don't feel overwhelmed and have to do too many things, I believe that's part of what got me into the addiction in the first place, on the pills I thought I could do anything....and everything! I need to slow down and enjoy life around me, who cares if everything isn't perfect and I can't make everyone happy all the time so I'm not going to kill myself trying anymore. I'm learning to say "no" when I really don't want to do something for someone or go somewhere just because someone else does. That has also been a weight lifted from my shoulders. Keep each day simple and enjoy the simple things in life. Don't get me wrong, I love helping others but hate being taken advantage of at the expense of my own health. Thank you all for listening Have a wonderful day and remember "Stay Strong" we can do this together!

[counting days]

I just read the original post from doc. Are you sure your not a christian? Lol. You sure would make a good one if not. Maybe we can work on that. Please don't be offended. I too am a goofy person and I do like to pick playfully. Wow I just read your guys post and I pick up on something similar that I hope Slave catches. When I was taking way too many pills my shoulder hurt me so bad at night from 2year old surgery and other parts of my body hurt especially at night. That was while I was taking so many. It was like pain med causing pain. Then when I quit c/t oh my gosh everything hurt for about 5 days. Once I got through the worst part of w/ds all the pain was gone. Of coarse I broke my knee. New story. By the way T im doing what you said. Taking half only when I do therapy on knee. Still having a little w/ds. Slave I wish you could make yourself try to get through 5worst days and just see what happens. I don't know if you have a relationship with the Lord but He is my rock and He carries me through every time I do this. Here goes another day. You guys have a blessed one

[DOC]

I was in Betty Ford Rehab for 90 days in 2003. There, I spent a lot of time with a large group of physicians and attorneys and other professionals. Addiction can happen to all walks of life. The majority of rehab physicians, counselors, and other staffs all had the history of addiction to something so they understood... To start the recovery and to get better, the only requirement is to have the desire to quit. I can not think well this am, but I am 28 days free....

[T is back]

I just read the original post from doc. Are you sure your not a christian? Lol. You sure would make a good one if not. Maybe we can work on that. Please don't be offended. I too am a goofy person and I do like to pick playfully. Wow I just read your guys post and I pick up on something similar that I hope Slave catches. When I was taking way too many pills my shoulder hurt me so bad at night from 2year old surgery and other parts of my body hurt especially at night. That was while I was taking so many. It was like pain med causing pain. Then when I quit c/t oh my gosh everything hurt for about 5 days. Once I got through the worst part of w/ds all the pain was gone. Of coarse I broke my knee. New story. By the way T im doing what you said. Taking half only when I do therapy on knee. Still having a little w/ds. Slave I wish you could make yourself try to get through 5worst days and just see what happens. I don't know if you have a relationship with the Lord but He is my rock and He carries me through every time I do this. Here goes another day. You guys have a blessed one

Hi Counting! So happy you are doing well with just 1/2, that's great that you are able to do that, I think once we get something in our head and are commited to it we find the strength to do it. As far as the withdrawals go I think doing what you're doing you may bypass some withdrawals as long as you don't increase your dosage. You will still have them as you are, but it may get to the point where you don't have them much at all as the drug is weaning out slowly, that's what happened to me anyway, I withdrew the first day of tapering but I knew relief was going to come and then again the second day of weaning and by the third day I quit using altogether and the withdrawals weren't so bad because alot of it was out of my system. I made sure I put high quality nutrition and vitamins in my body and that made a huge difference, drank lots of water to clean all the garbage out. I know for sure the pain pills were causing me more pain and worse pain than what I originally was taking them for.

Jesus is my rock also and there is NO way I could have gotten off these without Him. We tend to want to be clean and perfect before we have a relationship with our Creator and that's just not the way it is, He took our punishment for us for our sin so we wouldn't have to so all we have to do is accept that and begin a relationship with Him. He said He came for the sick, anyone out there who isn't a believer I challenge you to reach out to Christ and ask Him to show you He is there and waiting to help you, if you are sincere He will and you will be amazed and so happy you reached out to Him. This is a fallen world and you can't go it alone. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the life". Also forget all your preconceived idea's of what a christian is, alot of times christians give God a bad name because we are so imperfect, go to Him, He's not standing there with His arms crossed waiting to step on you, He's not like your earthly parents (if that's a bad thing), He's waiting with open arms. Again "Stay Strong" it will get better I promise.

[T is back]

I was in Betty Ford Rehab for 90 days in 2003. There, I spent a lot of time with a large group of physicians and attorneys and other professionals. Addiction can happen to all walks of life. The majority of rehab physicians, counselors, and other staffs all had the history of addiction to something so they understood... To start the recovery and to get better, the only requirement is to have the desire to quit. I can not think well this am, but I am 28 days free....

Oh geez I just wrote a big long response and lost it UHG! I hate it when that happens. I gotta go now but will be back later. Thank you my friend for staying on this forum

[counting days]

Awesome post T. I am holding on to Jesus with everything I have. I cant imagine even living my life without Him. When I am hitting bottom like I have so many times with this addiction, I know He will let me make my stupid decisions because I am a know it all. When I can't take it anymore I feel like I can feel Him taking my hands and pulling me out of that pitt. I believe He will let you wallow until you see what your doing and then says "are you ready to let me have it now dummy". I am so blessed to have you guys. I know that is one way the Lord has provided me with help. I got panicky when I came on this forum and something changed and I couldn't find you guys for a while. Now im scared im going to loose this thread. I don't know how I found it this morning. Slave. I want to hear from you

[counting days]

Hey Doc. You must have learned a lot at that clinic. You are very knowledgeable about addiction. I will ask also. Are you a dr?.I understand too if you don't want to answer. I learn a lot from you.

[counting days]

CJB. Where are you. I miss reading your post

[T is back]

Good morning everyone!

Hi Counting, maybe I scared everyone away lol. If so sorry, come back I'm harmless. So how are you doing with your small dosage? Are you still doing okay?

Doc you are right, addiction will get anyone. You would be surprised if you knew my whole story, well maybe you wouldn't because you understand addiction but alot of people who don't understand would be surprised and wonder how I could get myself into this with everything I have going for me in my life. The addiction is soooo powerful that I was willing to risk it all for the next dose. It's very humbling!

CJB, I hope all is well with you. Sounds like you are busy at work right now. Keep us posted when you get a chance. We develope close ties with each other here and we start to worry when we don't hear from each other, I know life gets busy and it's hard to get on here, just try to send us a short message now and then to let us know you are doing okay.

Anytime is a great time to quit using but I must say this time of year is wonderful, I love getting outside and walking, it really helps clear the fog in my brain. The depression was holding me down yesterday and I was feeling a bit sorry for myself so went outside and walked and walked and walked. Came home and just did not want to do anything, my physical symptons are mostly gone but the mental games begin and it's a new game now. Michael used to say "this too shall pass" and there is power in those words, I can see the light in the tunnel and some days I am running as fast as I can to it and other days I'm crawling towards it with everything I've got trying not to look back. Today I will run towards it! Have a great day everyone and remember "you can do this". I encourage others to post on this forum, I know for sure you are out there, I read the posts for several months before I ever posted, once I started posting it made a huge difference and I was finally able to begin the healing process. I know EXACTLY how you all feel, been there done that (more than once). If I didn't think you and I could do this I wouldn't bother coming here, this is for anyone and everyone out there reading these posts who is struggling. If you didn't have the desire to break the chains of addiction you wouldn't be here reading these. Ask yourself "what am I afraid of" is it the withdrawals? (probably) is it losing my best friend? the pills (they are your worst enemy). Have you ever been sick with the flu? Did you make it through that? If so you can do this, it's only for a few short days, it's not fun that's for sure and it will be very uncomfortable but really what choice do you have, do you want to be in chains the rest of your life? If you do it may be a very short life and a very unhappy one also. Make a plan, write down how you feel and why you want to be free so you can go back and remember as you start feeling better. If you are like me you are doing very risky things to get your fix. When you get clean and start thinking straight you will think "OMG" how could I have taken that chance of ruining my life and the life of my family. It's almost like being two different people in one body, your strong self and your addicted self, the strong self needs to overcome and take over to take care of the addicted self. Don't let the addicted self take over, that's when you lose control. I know we all want this to go away easily, we don't like feeling bad and uncomfortable and it is extremely hard the first few days but it doesn't last forever, that's what you need to remember, it's only for a short time and you will feel like you haven't felt in a long time, the freedom is like nothing else you could imagine. Once the physical withdrawals are gone you will start playing a mind game with yourself trying to tell yourself it wasn't so bad maybe I could do a few, that's where it helps writing everything you go through down on paper so you can go back and remember. Right now you feel hopeless and stuck in your addiction, that's the lie, you absolutely CAN get out of this nightmare if you want to. If you have a relationship with the Saviour than go to Him and take His help, what's stopping you? If you don't have that relationship then call out to Him, what have you got to lose? You have a wonderful life waiting for you don't let this evil drug have any more of your life. Look around you, do you have a spouse, children, etc.? What do they deserve? They absolutely deserve a clean spouse, mother or father or whatever the relationship is. I have a wonderful husband who I adore, he deserves a wife who is clean. I have children who deserve a mother who is clean, how can I raise them to be good people if I'm not living that myself. If I can do this I know any of you can. Please post.

[emily]

Hello everyone.. I am pretty new to this site, although I have been reading the threads off & on for the past month. I am a 34 yr old mother of 3. I was first introduced to hydrocodone a little over 3 years ago when my youngest son was born. I was prescribed the hydros 5/500 after delivery due to infection. At that point I was breaking those in half and taking as needed. Oh how things have changed since then.. :-( I think it started to get bad about 2 years ago when I started having chronic pain in my legs and my dosage was just gradually increased by my Dr.. Last September I was hit by a pickup while trying to save my 2 yr old from being hit. I pushed him out of the pickups path and was struck myself so again the hydro prescription continued for the pain. I am now starting to get better pain wise to a point but now I have to face the addiction. I have tried to stop taking them and it was horrible. Have never been through such an awful feeling & so I gave in. I am now ready to try again

[T is back]

Hello everyone.. I am pretty new to this site, although I have been reading the threads off & on for the past month. I am a 34 yr old mother of 3. I was first introduced to hydrocodone a little over 3 years ago when my youngest son was born. I was prescribed the hydros 5/500 after delivery due to infection. At that point I was breaking those in half and taking as needed. Oh how things have changed since then.. :-( I think it started to get bad about 2 years ago when I started having chronic pain in my legs and my dosage was just gradually increased by my Dr.. Last September I was hit by a pickup while trying to save my 2 yr old from being hit. I pushed him out of the pickups path and was struck myself so again the hydro prescription continued for the pain. I am now starting to get better pain wise to a point but now I have to face the addiction. I have tried to stop taking them and it was horrible. Have never been through such an awful feeling & so I gave in. I am now ready to try again

Welcome Emily! So happy to hear you are ready to fight this. This can be done and it sounds like you have the desire to do it. If I was you I would go read all the posts from everyone on here and you will know what to expect. You will need a plan, someone you can trust to help (spouse), especially with having your hands full with your children. You want to be in an environment to beat this. Most people can't taper but in your situation that may be what you have to do, If you can have your spouse or a trusted friend help you taper for at least a day or so that may be a huge help for you to get through the withdrawals and still be able to function as a mother. This can be done, keep posting here and we will help get you through this, you will be so thankful you stopped using I promise you that Stay Strong!

[counting days]

Hi Emily, Im with T on that. We are here. Stick with us and we will all help each other. I dont know what i would do without these guys. I will pray for you. Yiu can do this. I too had to go back and read a lot of post before i started telling my story. Welcome.

[CJB]

Good Morning everyone and welcome emily,
Hope everyone had an awesome weekend. Summer is a great time to get clean. I tried a couple times during the winter and it was much worse. The chills and sweats. The dreary, snowy, bone chilling cold days. YUK! Anyway, those of you who are just reading, not posting, contimplating quitting. Do it now. As T, Counting, and DOC said, we are here. Weve been there and suffered through it. (probabaly more than a few times) And now we are here for you! This hot weather will help you sweat the poison out. Just get out in the sun, drink plenty of water, and praise God for giving us such a wonderful planet!

Anyway, I had a busy weekend. Trying to get the house ready for all our adult kids and spouses who are coming to visit in a few weeks. And the car and boat ready for a 2000 mile round trip to Mystc, CT for a week long fishing trip with my bff. Leaving this Sat. Can't wait. Super excited. God bless you all!!!

[counting days]

CJB. I can read that wonderful freedom in your post. That's awesome. Have fun and enjoy your precious family. I am going to see my kids and grands next weekend for my birthday. I pray for energy. T. I am going thru mild w/ds but taking only half when needed is helping me to land softly. I told you guys a couple of weeks ago that my husband had no understanding of this. Well last Sunday he had a kidney stone attack. It was big too. Anyway he has had to take pain med for the first time for a week. He took his last one sat and finally passed the stone yesterday. It was so strange that he was slightly having w/ds and had no clue what was going on. The weird thing about it was me. Y'all should have heard me telling him what was going on and how long it would take. Wow. That was strange. God used me to help him and he has some understanding of how quick your body gets used to pain meds. Now he understands. I wish I was like him and didn't like them though. Sorry for rambling. Us southern women just can't shut up. Love you guys. Have a blessed day

[DOC]

I just got back from visiting my brothers and parents in Los Angeles this weekend. I had a great time without worrying how long my hydrocodone supply gonna last or worrying will I have enough pills to get me thru?? I had very good energy and motivation and could smile and laugh for real.. Its free and liberating. This was the good part.

The bad part was that I had a lot of temptation and thoughts about hydrocodone this weekend also especially when I was alone in the hotel room. I remember when I was using, I needed to take the pills if the room was full of people, the room was empty, the room was too noisy and the room was too quiet. I needed the pills for different encounters and reasons. Alcohol is not my drug of choice and I do not like alcohol at all. I do not know how people recover from alcoholism because alcohol is everywhere. It is in the stores, in the hotel room mini bar, etc. If alcohol was my drug of choice, I would not stop until all of the bottles in the mini bar are gone.. I wished there were hydrocodone in the mini bar this weekend when I as alone in the room..

OMG, that was such a crooked and wicked thinking. It showed how powerful the demon was still trying to pull me back to the hell. 7/1/2011 was my last taking the pills. It has been 31 days.. Fortunately, I did not go back to the pills. I prayed a little bit and got my head clear and then I took a drive to revisit my brother again. The obsession and temptation are different now compared to my early days of recovery. In the first week, I pretty much needed to be chained down so I could not do anything stupid. Now, I do not need the chain. I can feel that my higher power is with me all the time to help me. I feel that I have more tools and abilities to fan off those demon temptations. I have chosen to recover from the addiction and decided to enjoy my life without the drug influence. I know that just 1/2 of the pill will bring me back to hell right away.. I have 31 days under my belt now and I do not want to lose it. I dont want to go thru the WD because of that 1/2 pill. It is not worth it.. Let's stay drug free today..

[counting days]

Doc. That is the truth about half a pill. With the help of T. I broke mine in half last week to land softly but I still have w/ds. My knee is tolerable and im no taperer so here I go again. It is a little easier this time. But a half is still very hard to take. I wanted 3. I have never been through such a battle. The sad thing is I have been blessed with so much. I have every material thing I could ask for but my body and mind wants pills. That's satan for you. I am proud of you Doc for staying strong this weekend and enjoying your family. God bless you

[T is back]

Hi everyone,

For some reason sometimes I write a big long post and must click on the wrong thing and then lose it, bummer lol.

Emily,

How are you doing? Let us know how it's going for you.

CJB,

You are doing awesome, isn't life wonderful drug free! I hope you have the most amazing trip ever and catch lots of fish! Let us know when you get back and tell us how wonderful it was to go on a trip without worrying about the pills!

Doc,

Sounds like you are doing awesome also, we know there will be times of temptation right? I too struggled this weekend but told myself no matter how I feel there is no way I can ever do pills again. A few times I had to go into my room and have a long talk with myself. Helps to go read earlier posts. I believe each time we struggle and succeed we get that much stronger for the next time temptation hits. We have to go through the first event without pills, the first trip without pills, the first holiday without pills, etc. we grow from each of these experiences. Keep up the good work, we all need you and everyone else on this site!

Hi Counting,

How's it going with the minimum dose? Won't be long and you will be able to just say "I'm done with this" make sure you don't increase your dose no matter what. If you stop altogether soon you may bypass more withdrawals or at least they will be at minimum. Stay strong friend, you know you can do this!