How to beat hydrocodone addiction

[Michael]

Hi everyone! I am brand new to this forum. I came across it while I was searching for information because I am SO TIRED of this cycle that I have been in for quite some time now. I am so touched by everyone's kind words, personal experiences, suggestions, support, and encouragement, which are all things that I definitely need. I have made the decision (again) to stop this pattern of destruction in my life. I already know that tomorrow will be very difficult with all of the horrors that I will have to face. The depression and lack of energy are the worst, which usually result in me just lying in bed feeling hopeless and horrible. Can anyone give me any suggestions to help me get over the worst of it? I know it will be very difficult anyway, but I'm hoping that there are some tips that someone can give me to help me cope even a little better. I would be very grateful! Thank you!

You've made the first step, which is the choice. Now that the decision has been made, you can act on it. You seem to know already that the cycle of addiction is not going to let you live your life, and you want out of it.

I understand how hard it is to make that decision, and how much trepidation and fear there is of the withdrawal process. You aleady know that it sucks, and that you spend time feeling like you're in a VERY dark place for a little while. But you will emerge at the other end, happiness returned, happy without having to take the pills. It's a given and proven fact that if you can hang on through it, the mental anguish does lift away. I admit, that was the hardest part for me to deal with. I've never been so depressed in my whole life. But it's gone now -- it went away and I am so happy to be right where I am. It didn't last much longer than a few weeks, either.

Take that plunge. Know that you aren't going to be able to do it alone, either. You need someone because, no matter how strong you are, someone grounded in reality (not depressed) and who supports your decision will make all the difference in the world.

This early in the game, just worry about taking care of your body. Drink PLENTY of water, and try to get a couple days off work. The physical symptoms should start to taper off after 3 to 5 days. Take long walks, try to work out if you can, and try a couple of Benadryl to help you sleep...

[a new life]

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post! Wow! Michael you really spoke to my heart and my head! Thank you for your inspirational words of support and encouragement! It really did help alot! I'm in the mist of Day 1...not feeling well at all- mostly feeling depressed, and I have NO energy. I have been reminding myself that it won't always feel this way (literally- time and time again throughout today). I'm still very determined to get my life back and so far fighting the good fight. The true goal, I know, is to stay this dedicated and strong. Some of the suggestions that have been posted are: to drink plenty of water (check), take a good multi-vitamin (check), and to try to exercise or at least get out of the house and take a walk. Well, that is what I am going to do right now, even if it is just for a little bit. Again, thank you to everyone for your feedback! I'll do my best to check in later today!

[Michael]

A new life, our schedules aren't in synch, but know ill try to reply in the mornings, EST.

[MIM]

I have really relied on this site for support through my WDs. I can understand that the administration of the site was a chore. I find the initial site was less intrusive and a lot easier to navigate especially while comming off drugs. Just point and type. I will try it for a while but dont see the activity anymore..sometimes change is not good. I used to be M

[a new life]

Hey MIM, i just got on here so I'm not familiar with the other site or any of your previous posts. I hope you are able to get used to this new site because I too have found this site to be very helpful in short time that I've been on. How are you doing today? How are the WDs? I'm only on day 2 (this time around) and not feeling good at all this morning.

[T is back]

Hi M, happy you are here. It is difficult figuring out how to navigate on this new site and I was tempted to just not get back on but glad I did and glad you did too.

I have really relied on this site for support through my WDs. I can understand that the administration of the site was a chore. I find the initial site was less intrusive and a lot easier to navigate especially while comming off drugs. Just point and type. I will try it for a while but dont see the activity anymore..sometimes change is not good. I used to be M

[Michael]

Regarding the new forum, I think having a "guest" section to allow non-registered members to post would help out, but then you'd have a bunch of bots posting ads and whatnot. I mean, you can already see it in this thread, and you have to register to post. In terms of the old comments postings, I know those are all stored in a database, and depending on how it was set up, all those comments can create one giant table, and really mess with the performance of any other sites that might be on the server. I'm sure a balance can be struck, though.

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post! Wow! Michael you really spoke to my heart and my head! Thank you for your inspirational words of support and encouragement! It really did help alot! I'm in the mist of Day 1...not feeling well at all- mostly feeling depressed, and I have NO energy. I have been reminding myself that it won't always feel this way (literally- time and time again throughout today). I'm still very determined to get my life back and so far fighting the good fight. The true goal, I know, is to stay this dedicated and strong. Some of the suggestions that have been posted are: to drink plenty of water (check), take a good multi-vitamin (check), and to try to exercise or at least get out of the house and take a walk. Well, that is what I am going to do right now, even if it is just for a little bit. Again, thank you to everyone for your feedback! I'll do my best to check in later today!

I think what I'm saying resonates with you because I've experienced exactly that. So you know you aren't alone, and that is a concept you need to embrace.

Right now, just keep up with those main things -- water, vitamins, exercise. As for the depression, that's the part that REALLY sucks. I know you feel like you're in a dark hole right now, and that you don't see any way out. Yet, here I am, out of it myself, and my life is great again! You do break through, so just keep going. For the moment, focus on the here and now. If you try to worry about tomorrow, you'll end up getting overwhelmed very easily. Take it one moment at a time, though I know how slowly these moments are passing for you right now.

I don't want to get too much more into anything else because it's so important for you to just focus on right now.

[a new life]

Day 3-feeling horrible, physically and mentally! About to FORCE myself out of this bed, which is something that I just could not make myself do yesterday. Worst of all is that today, my true pain (which got me in this mess in the first place) is back and in full force, and otc meds are not even taking the edge off! I feel like I've got to make a plan, at least something to get me through the day. So here it goes...........Today, I choose to: get out of bed, try harder to block out these dark thoughts, and continue to pray for hope and strength. Most of all, today I choose to LIVE and not cave in, even though every part of me is telling me- no not telling me-yelling, screaming, and kicking-for me to do so. I will not cave today, if I don't do anything else today, I will not cave. Although, I'm really wrapped up in how bad, sad, and quite frankly alone I feel right now, I would really love to know how everyone else is doing.

[T is back]

Hang in there (a new life) it will get better and soon. Each day you will feel a little better and if you can force yourself to get up and do something or go outside for a little while it will do you a world of good. Believe me I know how tough it is and it does get easier. I'm on day 13 since my relapse and I hate it that I relapsed because it took everything I had to stop again knowing what I had to face. Remember how you feel, even keep a journal to remind you of what you are going through. There will come a time when you will feel pretty confident and that is a dangerous time, at least it was for me. I told myself I could do a few but what was I thinking, when those few wore off I wanted more and wanted them bad. Now I am thinking clear again and feeling good again and don't ever want to go back there. We are just fooling ourselves if we think the pills are going to make us feel good again, I don't ever want to go through the withdrawals and the depression again. You will be amazed when you get to the point that you enjoy doing things again, I never thought I would and thats why I didn't quit sooner but believe me you will feel amazing before too long. Everyone out there addicted to this evil stuff there really is life after drugs, try it! I don't think you will ever find anyone on here who was sorry they quit. Keep strong and keep working towards that new free life waiting for you. You are all in my prayers

Day 3-feeling horrible, physically and mentally! About to FORCE myself out of this bed, which is something that I just could not make myself do yesterday. Worst of all is that today, my true pain (which got me in this mess in the first place) is back and in full force, and otc meds are not even taking the edge off! I feel like I've got to make a plan, at least something to get me through the day. So here it goes...........Today, I choose to: get out of bed, try harder to block out these dark thoughts, and continue to pray for hope and strength. Most of all, today I choose to LIVE and not cave in, even though every part of me is telling me- no not telling me-yelling, screaming, and kicking-for me to do so. I will not cave today, if I don't do anything else today, I will not cave. Although, I'm really wrapped up in how bad, sad, and quite frankly alone I feel right now, I would really love to know how everyone else is doing.

[T is back]

Michelle if you are reading these posts please respond and let us know how you are doing. I have this horrible feeling that you aren't in a good place with your relapse, I hope I'm wrong but even if you are struggling let us know. You know we aren't going to judge you as I'm sure you are doing that to yourself. If you are feeling hopeless please re read all your posts, you got free of this once and we all know you can do it again. Remember all the reasons you stopped, it's not too late to be clean for your daughters graduation. I relapsed too and it was tough getting back on track, I kept saying tomorrow I'll stop but guess what tomorrow never comes. I'm sure you are affraid of the withdrawals but remember it didn't take long to get over those and you will be back to your free self. Please respond even if you are struggling, there are alot of people concerned about you

[T is back]

Tania,

It may be different for different folks but if it were me I would only be tempting myself having them around, I would be affraid to have them sitting there in a moment of weakness, there have been many times I would have taken them if I could have gotten ahold of them and since there was none around I made it through those temptation times. I did find a pill once during my early recovery and flushed it as fast as I could before I had time to convince myself it would be okay to take it. It's up to you whether you keep them or not but if it was me I'd get rid of them before they screwed up my life again, relapse is no fun and I know that for sure!

[Michael]

Day 3-feeling horrible, physically and mentally! About to FORCE myself out of this bed, which is something that I just could not make myself do yesterday. Worst of all is that today, my true pain (which got me in this mess in the first place) is back and in full force, and otc meds are not even taking the edge off! I feel like I've got to make a plan, at least something to get me through the day. So here it goes...........Today, I choose to: get out of bed, try harder to block out these dark thoughts, and continue to pray for hope and strength. Most of all, today I choose to LIVE and not cave in, even though every part of me is telling me- no not telling me-yelling, screaming, and kicking-for me to do so. I will not cave today, if I don't do anything else today, I will not cave. Although, I'm really wrapped up in how bad, sad, and quite frankly alone I feel right now, I would really love to know how everyone else is doing.

Making a plan absolutely helps. I found that what I needed to do was to pick a set list of things I wanted to get done, a managable list with just a few things on it, and drive myself to check each thing off. That sense of accomplishment when you can look at the list and know it's done helps a lot. Just having a purpose makes a big difference. But make sure it's manageable -- otherwise you'll get overwhelmed and not want to do anything at all.

I understand how you're stuck in your own head right now, feeling how isolated and sad your mind is telling you that you are. This depression you're experiencing is unlike anything you've ever felt. But take heart in knowing that it's also unlike anything you'll ever experience again. Once it passes, you might have waves of sadness here and there, but absolutely nothing like you've got now. And you're on day 4 at this point, so you WILL start to notice a change in the next couple of days. You'll start having small windows of time where you feel normal again, and those windows rapidly get longer and longer until the depression is gone. Until then, it's all about acting like you're OK, no matter how dark and empty you feel inside. We've all been there, my friend, so you are NOT alone. And though you don't see any way out right now, it WILL go away soon.

Also, I really like T's idea about writting it all down. It's like you've got two people in you right now -- your current, severly depressed self, and the normal happy self. As your depressed self, write letters to your happy self (sounds dumb, but I did it, and it's quite therapeutic). When you get happy again, respond back to your depressed self with what you're feeling and why. Worth a shot!

Hey guys I've posted here before ... Just letting you know I'm soon alright a bit better actually.. I had a weird question in mind though.. Is it weird that I like to keep a stash in my room always.. Like before when I was a hardcore addict for 6 years I wasn't able to control myself.. If I had drugs ANY drugs I would do them till I was unconscious but now after 11 months sober and giving up to temptation I now feel the need to have a stash.. Even though I don't intend on using I feel a sort of comfort with the knowledge of having a stash and I don't always need to use.. I know it sounds weird but I find it helps... Like I was hopeless before opiates were killing me one shot after another but now even though it's once in a while I feel comfortable knowing it's there and I don't really have to... Kind of??

That's not weird -- that's pretty normal. There's a lot of psychology invovled there, but I don't think source of comfort is abnormal at all. What I do suggest is that you learn how to be comforted by something else. Now that you're 11 months sober (freakin awesome!!!), you obviously don't need a stash hanging around anymore, so now it's all a mental game. Try putting the stash somewhere you can't get to it for a week, and see how you feel. Ultimately, you know the best answer already -- which is to be able to destroy it and be totally fine with that. Try working to that goal.

[a new life]

Hi everyone. I've been going through a very tough time these past 2 days, but thankfully feeling a little better today. I'm disappointed that I have to admit that I caved in on Sunday. I was feeling so sad, horrible, and in so much pain, that I just couldn't get it together. I felt at the time that if I didn't do it, there was no way that I could get out of bed. Well looking back, in reality I made the CHOICE to not get it together. As you can see, I'm struggling but trying none the less to accept responsibilty for my poor choice and stop making excuses. I still have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I feel embarrased, weak, guilty, sad, out of control, etc, etc, etc. On the other hand, I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm trying to accept what is done is done and move on. As wierd as it sounds, I'm somewhat proud of myself for only taking 2 rather than 10+, and it was SO hard to not take more. You know the thoughts: well, you already did it so why not take more and so on. I'm really focusing on accepting that I am not in control of this and that I need to surrender completely to get better. Since Sunday, I've been struggling but still fighting. Well, that is my update. I hope everyone else is doing well!

[a new life]

Hi Tania, Please don't feel dumb about your post. I'm proud of you for your courage to share your struggle, which is sometimes very hard to do! I don't find it strange at all that you find comfort in that. I think that you have to find what works best for you right now. Remember, recovery happens through changes over a period of time. When we are actively seeking recovery, we have to identify the changes that we can make to support our recovery. When we become comfortable with these changes, then we can move on to other changes and the process continues. I really like Michael's reply and suggestions. I think it is great for us to strive and hope for the day that pills will be so repulsive to us that we can trash them and feel good about it. This takes a lot of time to get there, but each day in recovery gets is that much closer! I also like the idea of trying to find other things to give you comfort. I think the suggestion of not being able to get to them for a week is also a great idea. If a week sounds too overwhelming at this point, I would suggest doing it for 3 days (or less) depending on how your dealing with it. As you become comforable with a certain amount of time, you can begin to gradually increase that amount of time. I also wanted to tell you GREAT JOB on 11 months!!! Have you thought of or had any success with some alternatives to help with feeling comfort?

[Patrick Meninga]

I agree with A New Life.

Do NOT feel dumb about what you shared, Tania. That is very normal what you described....I used to do the same thing with cigarettes. Just knowing I had one stashed away made it somehow easier for me to go without.

Ultimately, I ditched the stash and was able to quit for good anyway. But any mental tricks like that could be helpful, so thank you SO MUCH for sharing it with us. Doing so makes us all stronger....

[CJB]

Hi everyone. I've been going through a very tough time these past 2 days, but thankfully feeling a little better today. I'm disappointed that I have to admit that I caved in on Sunday. I was feeling so sad, horrible, and in so much pain, that I just couldn't get it together. I felt at the time that if I didn't do it, there was no way that I could get out of bed. Well looking back, in reality I made the CHOICE to not get it together. As you can see, I'm struggling but trying none the less to accept responsibilty for my poor choice and stop making excuses. I still have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I feel embarrased, weak, guilty, sad, out of control, etc, etc, etc. On the other hand, I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I'm trying to accept what is done is done and move on. As wierd as it sounds, I'm somewhat proud of myself for only taking 2 rather than 10+, and it was SO hard to not take more. You know the thoughts: well, you already did it so why not take more and so on. I'm really focusing on accepting that I am not in control of this and that I need to surrender completely to get better. Since Sunday, I've been struggling but still fighting. Well, that is my update. I hope everyone else is doing well!

Hi "a new life" I totally understand your situation. I've been trying to quit for a few months now and everytime I get to about the 5th or 6th day I cave and get a few. The problem is that my dealer usually won't just sell a few so I end up getting 40 or so. Then when they're gone, I try again. I am seriously considering going to rehab again so I can detox there. It's so hard to quit while trying to work and everything. I even work weekends and really need the money so missing work sucks. "no vacation time"

I took my last couple this morning. Much, much less than normal. Already starting to feel a little tired. Not looking forward to the next 6 days but oh well. Anyway, don't beat yourself up. Just get rid of everything now so when you reach that point again you won't have them there. Hang in there and lets beat this thing!

[Michael]

A New Life,

Just keep holding strong. You'll start feeling better by this weekend, you'll see!

[ontrack]

just wanted to say thanks for this website being here when I was looking for help ! 6 weeks without hydrocordone and not wanting it and I'm in physical therapy now ! It was funny when I told the doctor no more narcotics and he tried to give me a change to oxycodone and I said thats a narcotic and I don't want them anymore , he did a double take and said i'll send you to physical therapy then,

I also must confess I'm a beer only drinker and need to stop this also soon ! So i'll be back for that

Thank You spiritualriver

[Patrick Meninga]

Good for you, ontrack.

You have a good attitude. Keep us posted!

Excited to hear how you do....

[a new life]

CJB and Michael-Thanks for the support! I really appreciate it! The words of encouragement truly do help! I have not posted in a while because I'm finding that when I'm not doing well, I just shut down. I have had a very difficult weekend. It's like I know all the right things to do that can help me to feel better, but I just can't seem to make myself get out of bed or "get it together". I know everyone says that this will pass, and I try to remind myself of that. Honestly, I just can't imagine being happy again, feeling alive again, feeling free again, laughing again, cooking again, just keeping up with the house again, etc. Everything, no matter how small it is, feels like a huge challenge. The thought of getting out of bed just to heat up a tv dinner or get some water seems like I'm about to run a marathon. The bottom line is that this sucks! I don't want to feel this way anymore. I am miserable. I want this feeling to go away! I feel guilty for allowing myself to get this far out of control. The worst part is that I feel so weak. I am not used to this feeling at all. I have been through many many difficult times in my life. I have been able to make my mind up, get over it, and move on. I want to move on. I feel like I am in prison, and all I want is to be free and be able to move on with my life. I want to wake up in the mornings and not have how miserable I am be the first thing on my mind (and the last thing on my mind for that matter). Please, everyone, keep me in your prayers! I will try my best to stop shutting down and post on here more, when either I'm doing well or awful. I would so love to hear how everybody else is doing.