How to beat hydrocodone addiction
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How to beat hydrocodone addiction
I will try to post. Bad weather in the Deep South. I hope all are ok.
Hi everyone, I am one hour away from 72 hrs. since my last hydro. Amazingly I am actually at work right now. I have no energy and don't feel like talking to anyone. The fact that I slept fairly well last night and got up at 4:30am to come to work is a miracle! I've checking out this forum off and on for a year and a half now every time I say enough is enough and want to quit. It is very encouraging to hear the success stories and have people pulling for you. But like the idiot I seem to be I usually cave and get pills at this stage of the withdrawl process. Just when I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, I cave. Not this time! I'm not giving in! It seems that many of you have quit posting since this forum changed. Michelle, Michael, etc. Where are you guys? Your posts have been an inspiration to me and many others I hope you come back.
Hi Tania, It sounds to me like you don't really have it under control. I totally under stand how your feeling right now. That is exactally what has kept me using all these years, and the whole quit relapse thing. You really do need to Quit. I know that is hard to take because everything seems better or easier when were using. But we are risking so much to live life this way. I finally had to exept the fact if I don't stop right now My life will be ruined.So I am on day 5 with no hydro right now. I keep thinking how bad I want one, and how good I could feel, and how easy it would be to get some. But then I think "Then what, go through another 5 days of being miserable" Plus who knows when I would even return to my senses enough to want to stop again. That said, with only two weeks till finals you really can't afford to go through withdrawls right now. So I guess if you can take a very minimal amount to keep from obsessing about them and make up your mind that when finals are over you will quit no matter what than that might be the way to go. But you also said you were doing risky things. You really can't afford to get busted or what ever it is your doing riskly either. I almost went to prison for forging precripts. So really think this through. Best of luck!!
Hey everyone, On Day 6 with no hydros. Very unmotivated and tired at work today. I;m having obsessive thoughts of using. I thought it would start getting better by now. I really wish more people were posting here. It helps to have support.
Michael, if your out there, I'd love to here from you. Really struggling today
Hi all -- I was one of the culprits on the main site who posted a lot in the "Comments" section. I felt bad for Patrick, the admin, for doing that, but these forums are a great, great alternative.
Here is where I first commented, for anyone who is going through this recovery and who wants to know they aren't alone:
I posted my progress starting from just a few days out. Currently, I've been clean for exactly 6 months to the day. I've slipped once or twice by coming across a few pills, and learned a little bit each time. I'm finally at the point where I simply don't really have any pull or desire to use anymore -- no more dreams, no more hold on my life. The freedom is amazing, but it took some pretty hard work and a lot of suffering to get here.
Originally Posted by Tania
I know about the depression. It's the worst part of this whole thing -- it really, really is. I can handle feeling like I've got the flu, or like I want to crawl out of my skin. But when my soul feels like I'm at the bottom of a deep dark well, I just don't even feel alive. Nothing has any interest, I don't want to move to get out of bed, and the smallest task is a chore. Hell, I would have starved to death a few times without my wife being there because just getting something to eat seemed impossible.
I'm no therapist, but I can say that while chronic opiate use, and especially withdrawal, can induce some really dark depression, chances are that depression is usually also a pre-existing condition. I just discovered last week that my depression is no longer related to my past opiate use at all, but rather other things that I can work through cognitively. Do you see anyone for it? I know there's an aversion to it therapy sometimes, but it has really, really helped me a lot. And not to sound like a thumper, really cultivating a strong relationship with God has made all the difference in the world. If you aren't spiritual or religious, that's OK, but if you are, maybe you should start digging around in your heart.
The main point to know, however, is that depression, whatever the root cause, is treatable and, in many, many cases, temporary. You just have to ask for help -- from a doctor, friend, family -- and accept that help, because it's almost impossible to do it alone.
Also, I totally identify with what you say about obsessive thoughts and those thought cycles. I've been there plenty, and it's really hard to deal with, I know. The trick is to get out of your own head. Try a menial, repetitive task. I like to get out and work in the yard when I get like that, or work on a project around the house -- even if I feel like I can't get out of bed. What I used to do is take off work and go lie down in front of the TV all day. Worst idea ever. I would just sit around waiting to feel normal again, which would make me think about how bad I felt, which would make it worse, and so on. Shove those thoughts out of your head by doing something. That's why many people use drugs -- just to take the depressive thoughts away. Trust me on this when I say that working out, reading, creating something, anything at all, is a better way to get your mind clear than any chemicals. When you feel great, have a beer, but when you feel like your life is stuck, don't fuel it.
When I get those thoughts, I treat them like they're coming from someone speaking to me. I shut them out and close the door. It's not easy, but as you do it over and over again, you actually physically rewire your brain and it gets easier and easier. Eventually, those thoughts stop knocking if the door is never open to them. Man, typing that out and reading it sounds like I'm schizo, but it DOES help me to visualize it that way.
Sorry for the long post, but I just feel like I've gone through every step you're taking right now, and I have an overwhelming desire to help. I hope you feel better soon -- depression can very much be like any other illness that just lifts and goes away.
Hey! What's going on?
Originally Posted by CJB
Just into my 6th day with no hydro. I am depressed and very unmotivated. I've read alot of your previous posts Michael and Have really enjoyed them. I was very glad to see your back now. I don't want to fall back to the pills. But it seems like I'm obsessing about them.
Obsessing about them is perfectly normal and natural. You've broken up with a close lover (call her Lady Opium from the man's point-of-view...) and now you're feeling like you HAVE to get back together -- like you've made a terrible mistake. One thing I noticed about the depression immediately following the physical withdrawals was that it felt like a horrible break-up. I had that same gut-wrenching void in my gut, just below my heart, that felt as if I was leaking my spirit out through my chest. This is different from what I just posted -- this is the crushing depression immediately after withdrawals.
Originally Posted by CJB
That, my friend, DOES lift, and relatively fast. I'd say it'll be gone for you in a week, with periods of relief well before that. For now, I know time seems to be stopped, and a week is an eternity away.
First and foremost, remove temptation. Get rid of any pills you've got, and make sure you can't get to any. Next, take care of your mind. Walk, run, get outside. The season is shifting, and the days are getting longer. Go get some sun on your skin. I know that right now, the sunniest and brightest of days means nothing, but just going through the actions will help, I promise.
Do you pray? Now's the time to do it. Also, find someone you can talk to, openly, about all of it. Someone who can just listen and not judge. FORCE yourself out of bed or off the couch. Get moving. You don't want to, but do it. Go walk around Walmart. Being around other people is scary right now, but it helps. Find something to look forward to for tonight. Being with a friend, or watching your favorite show.
Nothing feels right or easy at the moment -- I understand that. But if you pretend you're OK, your mind will follow. Chemically, I suggest a good multivitamin to start helping your brain recover a little faster. Also, if you can bring yourself to confess to your doctor what's up, getting on an anti-depressant will help. I take an SSRI that I started on day 4 of being clean, and it's been of some good value.
Finally, some mental notes that helped me:
"This too shall pass." (and it will)
"<insert negative thought>, get the f* outta here."
Another cooky thing, but helped me -- I visualized two angels, one on each side of me, while I was walking. It helped me feel like I wasn't alone and had support. Any who knows -- they might have actually been there!
You can beat it. Get a friend to lean on, and fight the urge. Post back, too!
Thanks for responding Michael, I have been contemplating quitting for many months now and found this website then. I've read almost all of your posts and really enjoy your wisdom and encouraging advice and experience.
Yes I do pray and have faith, but feel so hopless right now. Feel guilty praying while all I can think about is pills.
Your reply has really brightened my day. It feels good to know someone out there knows what I'm experiencing and cares.
I know your pain, and "hopeless" is a very apt description. Just remember that the hopelessness you feel right now is, while very real, temporary. That's why I mentioned to Tania find something to look forward to for tonight. Depression stems from an overwhelming sence of hopelessness. Does this thought pattern sound familiar?
Originally Posted by CJB
"I feel so sad, I just want to be happy again. But I'm miserable, and I can't do anything that will make me happy. I want to take a hydro, but then I'll start all over again. What if I never get better? What if I'm like this forever? I'm an addict, and therefore will fall back into it, or have to fight it for the rest of my life. I might get better, but then I'll use again..." It keeps going and snowballs into those recurring, obsessive thoughts about how you'll always be held back in some way.
It's a trap -- don't buy into it. You cannot define yourself based on what you've done, because you are NOT who you were. You're who you are, right now, in this moment. You're not an addict, you're not constrained to a life of struggling. What are you right now? You're someone fighting to get well -- so you're not an addict, you're currently a warrior. And soon, sooner than you know it, you're going to be a blessing to all those you help through having gone through this very experience. Because believe it or not, this is happening for a reason. I don't know what it is, and you may not either, but this pain you have now is tempering your soul and making you stronger. In a few weeks, you'll feel like you could walk through fire because you survived this. In my own personal journey, I can now look back and consider my suffering to be worth it because I'm here right now, trying to help. I thank God every day for pulling me through it all, but also for allowing me to feel what it's like to have my life controlled by a substance.
For now, banish those thoughts when they come, and try not to let a cycle form. As I said, go through the motions until your mind follows.
You can always come back. People who've shot insane amounts of heroin for YEARS have come back. However, it's true that you don't want to walk down that road such that getting back is such a terrible experience.
Originally Posted by Tania
You don't need money to get help for this, all you need is a real desire to be free. Narcotics Anonymous is a great, great tool for anyone. Not only do they help get people off drugs, but they also address the critical issues that get people there in the first place, like depression. I strongly urge you to consider finding a meeting nearby and trying just one out:
It doesn't matter how OK you think you are. You can use any substance 1000 times a day, or you could occasionally pop 1 pill every few weeks, it doesn't matter. And no one will judge you there. I've seen many peoples' lives saved through NA.
I understand that your main concern is depression, and the secondary is hydrocodone. I'm not a doctor, but have you spoken to yours about the depression? It sounds like if you could treat that, the drugs / alcohol wouldn't be as much of a problem to quit. If you don't want to try out NA yet, I still strongly encourage you to let your doctor know how depressed you are because there are some great things out there to help.
Please post again -- moral support isn't everything, but it's a lot.
I'm back, don't know what I was thinking. Went over a month and was doing great till I told myself I could do a few which turned into doing several a day for a few weeks. I am back on track and on day 9 this time, I hate that I have to go through this lack of energy and depression again but that's what I get. And guess what...the drugs really didn't do much for me anymore and had to go back to searching for them UHG just not worth it.
You have wisdom beyond your years. I did not post yesterday because I had broke down and got a some pills. Was high for a day and now back to reality. Back to trying to find energy and motivation to make it through work. I'm sure everyone here must know something is up because when I'm on the Hydro I am talkative and a very hard worker. Then when I'm not, I'm quiet and much less productive.
As far as taking a SSRI, I actually have a bottle full of 40mg Paxils. I was prescribed them before, but quit taking them because It seemed like they ruined the high I got from Hydro. So I took one this morning and will continue. I hope they work soon!
I hope I don't have alot of withdrawls again!!!!!!!
Hi CJB, I think some of us have to go through relapse if only for a day to realize it's just not worth it. I was doing really well and went about 34 days clean and felt wonderful, so wonderful that I thought "I have this beat" I can do a few and enjoy them, well I enjoyed them for a day or so then was right back where I started. If I had some I would still be doing them, thank God I can't get any. I did them for about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks and was afraid to stop again. I felt bad for a day or so with the intestinal problems and longer with the lack of energy and depression. I'm on day 10 now and am almost back to where I was before the relapse. I still think about them but am more guarded now, it's a strong mind game that we have to overcome to be successful in the long term. I am so tired of putting my life on hold and always waiting to feel better so I can actually live my life again. You shouldn't feel too bad if you only took them for a day but the danger is being able to only take them for a day. Like Michael said before the longer you continue the worse it gets to stop and the worse the withdrawals will be.
Has anyone heard from Michelle? I'm so worried about her and hope she comes back. I wasn't going to register for this site, scared to give any info but I gave a bogus email address so any of you hesitating to get back on here you can do that. M are you still out there? Would love to hear from you again. I couldn't sign up as just "T" had to use more characters. Keep up the great work you all and I'll talk to you later.
The only credit I can take for what I have to say is allowing myself to get into a bad situation in the first place. And we all make mistakes -- sometimes over and over again -- it's how we gain experience from life.
Originally Posted by CJB
I too relapsed for a day or so a couple of times. It's easy to do if the temptation to do so is around. As far as the energy and motivation are concerned, if you can stay clean for long enough, that will come back naturally. And yes, I've noticed SSRI's do seem to inhibit the high from opiates, which is actually quite a blessing when you think about it.
Good to hear from you. I too hope Michelle is well, for her sake and that of her daughter.
Originally Posted by T is back
Thanks for your input T. It is very helpful having people who have been through this like you and Michael to talk to. Congrats for making it to day 10. I have,nt been able to make it past 6 yet. So I really haven't experienced any real happiness while off of them yet.
Michael, You are right when so said it is like a very bad break up. I remember when my first wife cheated on me and left. I was obsessed with trying to get her back for a while. Then eventually realized I did'nt want her back and was actually better off without her. But the pain and depression and trying to learn how to live again without her was just like this.
Hi everyone! I am brand new to this forum. I came across it while I was searching for information because I am SO TIRED of this cycle that I have been in for quite some time now. I am so touched by everyone's kind words, personal experiences, suggestions, support, and encouragement, which are all things that I definitely need. I have made the decision (again) to stop this pattern of destruction in my life. I already know that tomorrow will be very difficult with all of the horrors that I will have to face. The depression and lack of energy are the worst, which usually result in me just lying in bed feeling hopeless and horrible. Can anyone give me any suggestions to help me get over the worst of it? I know it will be very difficult anyway, but I'm hoping that there are some tips that someone can give me to help me cope even a little better. I would be very grateful! Thank you!
Hi there A New Life. I already wrote down most of my suggestions for getting through withdrawal right here. There are a couple of decent ideas there that might help you out.
Welcome! I don't have time to say much now, but I would read all that that Patrick has as he's got the treatment expertise. other than that, just take it literally one moment at a time. There will be a lot of fear, but do not let that take over. I'll write more tomorrow!
Originally Posted by a new life