Ten years ago I started getting moderate to severe lower back pain. Bad discs I was told after numerous MRI's and Doctor's. Of course, the first thing anyone did was start me on pain meds. At first, it was just one or two every month or so whenever I had severe pain, but over the course of ten years, finding a 'pill pushing' Doctor, and a very slow and gradual tolerance build-up, I found myself the last two years of my addiction taking 6 to 7, yes, you read that right....6 to 7 500mg. Norco an average of AT LEAST four times per day and sometimes even five. Worried about the amount of Tylenol I was consuming, I went to a new doctor recommended to me by a friend and asked him to help me ween off the Norco with Oxycotin. Great. Except I kept filling my Norco Rx AND the new Oxycotin Rx and was combining the two for the last two months of my addiction. Well, on my next visit to the Oxy Dr. he did a little computer check-up on me and discovered my double dipping and from then on, the gig was up. Well, as you can well imagine, I broke down in his office both from the shame of being caught and the immense fear of having to go to a re-hab center or just the physical pain of detox which had me paralyzed with fear. Even though I had great insurance through Motion Picture/Blue Shield, I was told by all the facilities I called that unless I was addicted to MORE than just the Norco, they would not accept me as an in-patient person. So of course now all I can imagine is myself balled up in a corner of my bedroom going through heroin like withdrawals and wanting to die. I realized that the quantity of pills I was taking was EXTRAORDINARY and feared the worse.
Well, a dear friend of mine, and also the Dr. that pulled the plug on my self-medicating, gave me all the information I needed to to a completely save, cold turkey, at home ALONE detox. And i can honestly say...the WORST day I had was experiencing some leg cramps but with the meds my Dr. had prescribed for just such an event, I just slept through most of any and all discomfort. I was also taking massive amounts of Vitamin C, Emergency C's, eating lots of bananas (all of which I either did not really believe in or did not like). However, after just four or five days I was able to sit up on my couch and actually start feeling like a human being again. That day, August 3, 2011 is now almost eight months ago. Don't get me wrong. They say it takes a good two years to really get back to feeling normal, whatever that is, and believe me...I spent plenty of weeks after that initial detox laying on the couch feeling weak, depressed, etc. But the worst of it was over and every day gets just a little bit better. I have had the thoughts of having just a couple here and there, like when I had to go home for my dad's funeral in October and realized I had not been around my crazy family sober in years...but bit the bullit. Oddly enough...no one even knew the difference. I gradually told most of my family my journey and of course all of my friends knew while it was going on but no one besides one or two people, that were also users, EVER really knew how bad it had gotten. All I can say is...get some meds to get through the first week, I used Kolonopin which just made me sleep, take mega doses of vitamins...and STOP beating yourself up. At the quantity your taking, I guarantee you will feel great in no time. That small of an amount will be completely out of your system in 7 to 10 days. I wish you luck my friend. Remember, this is the NUMBER one addition in America today so you are NOT alone. I hope this helps. Sandy
Originally Posted by
feelshame
I could have written this post. I have been taking 4-5, sometimes 6 7.5mg/day. Always 2 in the a.m. when I get up and 2 to 3 later in the day. It has been 5 days since I have had one. I deal with IBS, connective tissue disease (similar to Lupus). I am so tired of being a slave to these pills. I don't drink, I love God, and want to be the best parent and wife. I have NEVER told anyone about my addiction and am even finding it difficult to write about it annonimously - feel so much shame that I can't control this. I have easy, legal access which is not good. I first thought is to change docs - probably a good idea. I always run out before the refill date. I have lied to several people I love about taking them. Now I dealing with the stresses of raising a teenage daughter and all I want to do is curl up and hide. I need help - inpatient is not possible right now due to cost and having to face my family. Every month I run out I say I will quit but I don't. I have never taken an illegal drug - have always been viewed by others as "the good girl", "perfect, crafty mom" - so much pressure. I already take an antidressant, but the current depression is hard to handle. Also going through early menopause due to a hysterectomy. What do I do? I hear stories on talk shows about people addicted and think they took so much more than me and got off them - why can't I?
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I have BEEN there. AND MUCH WORSE. May I share my story and hopefully it will help.
