Use this thread to continue discussion from this article here:
How to beat hydrocodone addiction
Use this thread to continue discussion from this article here:
How to beat hydrocodone addiction
I will try to post. Bad weather in the Deep South. I hope all are ok.
Hi everyone, I am one hour away from 72 hrs. since my last hydro. Amazingly I am actually at work right now. I have no energy and don't feel like talking to anyone. The fact that I slept fairly well last night and got up at 4:30am to come to work is a miracle! I've checking out this forum off and on for a year and a half now every time I say enough is enough and want to quit. It is very encouraging to hear the success stories and have people pulling for you. But like the idiot I seem to be I usually cave and get pills at this stage of the withdrawl process. Just when I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel, I cave. Not this time! I'm not giving in! It seems that many of you have quit posting since this forum changed. Michelle, Michael, etc. Where are you guys? Your posts have been an inspiration to me and many others I hope you come back.
hey everyone.my problem that i cant figure out is i can go 2 or 3 months sober then all of a sudden crash and buy pills like an idiot.my wife hates drugs and so do i.i want my family to look up and respect me but going back to the pills is noy gonna get it.i feel horrible and cant hide the shame.diring those months of sobriety i do struggle but my lord and savior jesus christ keeps me but as soon as i back off his word and daily devotion wiyh my wife i crash.just trying to figure out how to kick this crap
hey zach try to run alil bud maybe hit the gym for some light weight training.seems like your pretty head strong.take that strength and go beast out and get your life back.working out always helps me have a great day.it even takes away the desire to get high.but zach i must tell you where the ultimate strength comes from.it comes from jesus man.he will heals us all and put new life in our bodies.ive been through alot of storms pal and i praise him in the middle of those storms.he has brought me out of dirt and put me on solid ground.yep i still struggle only because i slack off doing what is right which is stay in the word and keep away from negative people which is hard for me cause i own a tree company and all my workers get high.thats where it gets tough for me.
Hi dhawkforgiven,Originally Posted by dhawkforgiven
Thanks for your post. I too, am a born again child of God who struggles with addiction to these pills. I've always wanted to post about the power of Jesus in our lives. But was afraid to for fear of offending or alienating people. But it's time to let the cat out of the bag so to speak. I have see His miracle power in my life. But like you, when I begin to be more me centered and less Him centered. I lose it. Anyway, I thanks for mentioning Jesus on this forum. I believe you have just opened the door for some powerful posting
I hope im doing this right. Never done this. I am 14 days free from hydrocodone after yrs. of taking them. I have tears in my eyes right now because I too am a Christ follower. It is so hard to live a lie and follow Him. I feel such freedom and I have gotten through these days with hope. The numbness from my mind has been lifted and I am loving my relationship with the Lord. I really did miss my Father. I WILL beat this. I personally have enough faith to allow Him to get me out of this mess that i got myself into. I will gladly deal with the consequences. I am so happy you posted what you did. God bless you. I do need prayer. We all know this is so hard.Hi dhawkforgiven,
Thanks for your post. I too, am a born again child of God who struggles with addiction to these pills. I've always wanted to post about the power of Jesus in our lives. But was afraid to for fear of offending or alienating people. But it's time to let the cat out of the bag so to speak. I have see His miracle power in my life. But like you, when I begin to be more me centered and less Him centered. I lose it. Anyway, I thanks for mentioning Jesus on this forum. I believe you have just opened the door for some powerful posting
Michael, if your out there, I'd love to here from you. Really struggling today
Hey! What's going on?Michael, if your out there, I'd love to here from you. Really struggling today
Just into my 6th day with no hydro. I am depressed and very unmotivated. I've read alot of your previous posts Michael and Have really enjoyed them. I was very glad to see your back now. I don't want to fall back to the pills. But it seems like I'm obsessing about them.
Obsessing about them is perfectly normal and natural. You've broken up with a close lover (call her Lady Opium from the man's point-of-view...) and now you're feeling like you HAVE to get back together -- like you've made a terrible mistake. One thing I noticed about the depression immediately following the physical withdrawals was that it felt like a horrible break-up. I had that same gut-wrenching void in my gut, just below my heart, that felt as if I was leaking my spirit out through my chest. This is different from what I just posted -- this is the crushing depression immediately after withdrawals.
That, my friend, DOES lift, and relatively fast. I'd say it'll be gone for you in a week, with periods of relief well before that. For now, I know time seems to be stopped, and a week is an eternity away.
First and foremost, remove temptation. Get rid of any pills you've got, and make sure you can't get to any. Next, take care of your mind. Walk, run, get outside. The season is shifting, and the days are getting longer. Go get some sun on your skin. I know that right now, the sunniest and brightest of days means nothing, but just going through the actions will help, I promise.
Do you pray? Now's the time to do it. Also, find someone you can talk to, openly, about all of it. Someone who can just listen and not judge. FORCE yourself out of bed or off the couch. Get moving. You don't want to, but do it. Go walk around Walmart. Being around other people is scary right now, but it helps. Find something to look forward to for tonight. Being with a friend, or watching your favorite show.
Nothing feels right or easy at the moment -- I understand that. But if you pretend you're OK, your mind will follow. Chemically, I suggest a good multivitamin to start helping your brain recover a little faster. Also, if you can bring yourself to confess to your doctor what's up, getting on an anti-depressant will help. I take an SSRI that I started on day 4 of being clean, and it's been of some good value.
Finally, some mental notes that helped me:
"This too shall pass." (and it will)
"<insert negative thought>, get the f* outta here."
Another cooky thing, but helped me -- I visualized two angels, one on each side of me, while I was walking. It helped me feel like I wasn't alone and had support. Any who knows -- they might have actually been there!
You can beat it. Get a friend to lean on, and fight the urge. Post back, too!
I am new to this site but find encouragement from the threads posted. It amazes me to realize that I am not alone in fighting the hydro dragon ! There have been so many times I wanted to quit but never acted seriously to do so. Excuses are numerous such as back problems from work,car accidents ,etc., Actually, the stories I told doctors were really good. Yes, I do have back pain but not even close to what I told the experts. My doctor continued to prescribe them until one day I ran out and for several days took alternative meds such as xanex. My son found me sleeping in my truck in the driveway and that prompted my wife to meet with me and my doctor and discuss alternatives. My wife went off on my doctor and told him that it was to convenient to prescribe pills without talking with their patients more regularly. He agreed to stop prescribing hydro but suggested I visit a PAIN MANAGEMENT SPECIALIST. My M.R.I."S are legimate and indicate neck anfd lower back degenerative disc problems,Big deal! In retrospect,I misled my doctors to continue feeding me my script. However,my wife went with me to the pain management center and told the doctor that I abused hydro and couldn't be trusted with that prescription. The doctor agreed to prescribe a BUTRAN patch as an alternative but chastized my wife regarding narcotics,saying that narcotics can be an effective tool to use in managing pain at that they won't make you an addict. They performed a urine test on me and I was clean. In fact, I had not even drank a cup of coffee for 8 full days. That 8 days was the longest I had gone without hydro in 5 years. Funny how time flies when you're not having fun. The doctor told my wife that it is not unusual for people to overuse or self medicate regarding pills. Once again he stated that the BUTRAN patch would allow a consistent amount of pain meds into my system in a steady state.The doctor told my wife that I was not an addict but simply required a proper med to regulate my pain. My wife was skeptical but agreed to have me use the patch.On a final note, the doctor told my wife that I would be monitored with regular urine tests and if I failed one test he would stop treating me.Tough love. My anger at my wife was horrible !!!!! Afterall, she had pulled from the shadows and made me look bad in front of medical people.For ten and a half months ,I wore the patch and never took one hydro nor tried to find any hydro. However,the patch would only make me feel better for two days and I would feel kind of lousy for the remainder of the week. Finally I returned to my doctor and consulted with a nurses assistant specializing in pain medication. She pulled me off of BUTRAN and for one week put me on NUCENTA .Hated those pills and stopped abrubtly.Again ,I returned to the pain center,met with the nurses assistant who suggested FENTYNAL patches. Okay, I will give them a try. That day I tried one patch and did not like the feeling I received from wearing it. After one day, I tore it off!! No problem. I made another appointment with the nurses assistant and told her I was sick and tired of taking medication and no longer wished to put any meds in my system. She was very surprised and suggested strongly that I try CYMBOLTA as a non narcotic alternative for -pain management and a help to deal withy what she felt was depression. In all honesty, I feel that the nurses assistant really is trying to help me and I never told her I had taken any hydro. Various issues have caused me depression to some extent, not the least of which was the realization that I did not have a legimate source to hydro. On the one hand I don't want to take the pills and on the other hand find it too easy not to.By the way, I never was required to submit to one urine test the entire time I wore the BUTAN patch !! What is strange was I never tried to abuse the arrangement I made with the doctor.to So after two more days following the doctors visit, I gave someone a ride and he mentioned someone who had hydro. Oddly,I did not initiate the conversation,but obviously the hydro subject came up. So from not taking any hydro for over 11 months. I managed to take about 100 pills during the month of DECEMBER ,2012. Yes I screwed up !! Too many emotions to deal with really. Guilt,shame,anger,sadness,fear are some of the feelings I continue to feel. Anger and frustration at myself over falling was a little much for me. As of January 1,2013, I am clean! It has been an incredibly long 8 days but I almost recognize myself in the mirror. This time I am resuming my lifestyle that I enjoyed previous to my using. Not easy, to be sure but I pray like crazy,put my head down and bull myself forward. Sometimes the energy is low,but I keep slugging away. With 8 days invested in my new life I don't want to throw it all away. The withdrawls are way too fresh in my mind to go backwards.This journey is the toughest fight I have ever been in. If someone said that kicking this stuff is easy,they are either lying,or have never been addicted.It is comforting to me to know that others are trying hard to regain their lives back and that I am not alone!! This is a struggle I would not wish on my worse enemy. However ,this struggle will make me a stronger person. No looking back!
Thanks for responding Michael, I have been contemplating quitting for many months now and found this website then. I've read almost all of your posts and really enjoy your wisdom and encouraging advice and experience.
Yes I do pray and have faith, but feel so hopless right now. Feel guilty praying while all I can think about is pills.
Your reply has really brightened my day. It feels good to know someone out there knows what I'm experiencing and cares.
I've never posted on an forum before and dont even know if im posting this right...here goes. I've been taking my hubbys hydro for recreational use (that he has from a neck injury) I cant believe i've gotten myself into this mess especially knowing that i have an addictive personality already. I'm in my late 30 thirtys and actually had a bad cocaine /crack problem in my early twenties. Ew wow yes i said it. YUKE!!! I got off those drugs on my own and just the thought of ever doing them again grosses me out!!! However my hubby knows i've been taking them but my family-sisters and brother have NOOO idea. I have 2 sisters and actually one of them is also addicted to pills. The family knows she does them but not a clue about me. I know i feel horrible. Anyways me and my sisters are taking a trip Texas in 2weeks and its not like i can take any with me. So i've started today wheening myself off of them. I've been taking them about a year. I take a half at a time(never more) 3 times a day. My question is...Is there any help for me by wheening off like this as far as go down to half at a time 2 times a day for a couple days then 1 for a few days and the last week before i go nothing...so when i get to texas i'm not as sick? Does anyone know? Help!!! Dumb Housewife
@ Housewife, I agree with Patrick. Weening is the way to go if you have the disipline. Most don't. But like Patrick also said, one and a half pills a day is not really abuse execpt for the fact that you only take them for the high. "Recreation" In fact, I'm surprized that you even have withdrawls when you stop. If I were you I would just stop completely, wait and see what happens. If you do start to get sick then take a half. Then go as long as you possibaly can without and take another if needed until you are good to go.
One thing that worries me is that you need to quit for your trip. That is a good reason. But when you get back you will be tempted to start again. And if you have success quitting this time, your brain will till you that you can start again and just quit when ever you need to. So please make up your mind now that you won't start again. Because it will only get worse and harded to quit. Believe me. I got to the point where I needed 6 pills first thing in the morning and then another 4-6 throughout the day. EVERYDAY!! for tha past year. I've weened myself off a time or two and that was defiately better that cold turkey for me. But I also always started again. Probabaly partly because I thought It would be easy to quit again. NOT SO!!!!!!!!!!! It got harder and I'm starting you ween again as we speak. So good luck. I'll be praying for you!!! Keep posting. It help us as much or more than it does you. God Bless!!!!!!!!!!!
thank u patricia and cjm....it was very comforting to get a reply. i"ve been worried sick about all of this. i made it through last night ok...Its definitely a mind game....i have stopped before cold turkey and i usually get very tired all day and depressed with a horrible backache..my thoughts exactly cjm about upon return from the trip starting back. My hubby is suppose to have neck surgery when i return...As much as i'm afraid for him to have the surgery i believe its needed for the both of us...thank u both so much. You've given me hope and strength to get through another day...God Bless u both
First, I hope it helps to know that no matter what profession or just how smart one thinks they are this type of addiction harms everyone. I have been using for over 8 years now and the worst thing is just how functional I had been through so much of it. It actually did neutralize the pain, provide extra energy, and allow myself to exist on little sleep while providing a manic drive to get things done. It seemed like a wonder drug for much of the time. But when you find yourself using around 400mg a day and your Dr is enabling the higher dosages (I mean damn, they dispence them up to 80mg tabs) its quite easy to see why this has become the most abused drug today -especially given all the pain, anxiety, and alienation from American life.
Bottom line is I have quit 3-4 times in the past and always found an excuse to return. Last summer I did an excrutiating month and actually tought I beat it but as fate would have it I had to have root canal and the pain was unbearable. SOooo, I took a few to get me through the couple of days and right back on the train.
Today, I am in day 6 and able to function for the first time all week. I wound up in the ER 2 days ago for the headaches, nauseu and sleeplessless. When I tried to transfer to a detox unit they denied me becuase I was too far in the process. If I were to do this over, I would have gone to the detox unit first. We always think we are stronger than we are (not that some cannot pull this off) but at the level I was in, I needed professional help. But I am thankful for the one night in th ER and the help they gave me.
I just wanted to say, that as I have been reading through these posts, I may know enough not to believe everything I read on the internet but there is so much undeniable truth in here and so much inspiration. I have cried through most and wish you all the best. THIS DOES END. There were a few times I thought suicide had to be better than the pain but this will PASS and we all will be given another opprortunity to deal with our various ailments. I too ignored accupuncture, yoga, organic healing because the meds were the easy way out. The LAZY way out. Its time to deal with the unpleasantness of life in a way that requires hard word. And if we can get through the detox, damn, the rest has to be easier right?
Godspeed to all here. My thoughts are truly with everyone moved to make a post here.
my addiction
i never really thought i could get addicted to painkillers. i have taken them so many times in the past and have never had a withdrawal or thought about them after i took them. granted i wasn't taking them for very long but i really do like them. less than a year ago i would take one 10mg hydro and practically pass out and now i take 5 10mg at one time and feel pretty good. i can't believe i fell into this whole. i have stayed off them recently for a few days here and a few days there and have had no withdrawal symptoms but i like hydrocodone but i am getting kinda tired of taking everyday. i have no more and the person i steal them from has no more(because of me.)
Hi all -- I was one of the culprits on the main site who posted a lot in the "Comments" section.
Here is where I first commented, for anyone who is going through this recovery and who wants to know they aren't alone:
http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-to...#comment-77484
I posted my progress starting from just a few days out. Currently, I've been clean for exactly 6 months to the day. I've slipped once or twice by coming across a few pills, and learned a little bit each time. I'm finally at the point where I simply don't really have any pull or desire to use anymore -- no more dreams, no more hold on my life. The freedom is amazing, but it took some pretty hard work and a lot of suffering to get here.
Tania,
I know about the depression. It's the worst part of this whole thing -- it really, really is. I can handle feeling like I've got the flu, or like I want to crawl out of my skin. But when my soul feels like I'm at the bottom of a deep dark well, I just don't even feel alive. Nothing has any interest, I don't want to move to get out of bed, and the smallest task is a chore. Hell, I would have starved to death a few times without my wife being there because just getting something to eat seemed impossible.
I'm no therapist, but I can say that while chronic opiate use, and especially withdrawal, can induce some really dark depression, chances are that depression is usually also a pre-existing condition. I just discovered last week that my depression is no longer related to my past opiate use at all, but rather other things that I can work through cognitively. Do you see anyone for it? I know there's an aversion to it therapy sometimes, but it has really, really helped me a lot. And not to sound like a thumper, really cultivating a strong relationship with God has made all the difference in the world. If you aren't spiritual or religious, that's OK, but if you are, maybe you should start digging around in your heart.
The main point to know, however, is that depression, whatever the root cause, is treatable and, in many, many cases, temporary. You just have to ask for help -- from a doctor, friend, family -- and accept that help, because it's almost impossible to do it alone.
Also, I totally identify with what you say about obsessive thoughts and those thought cycles. I've been there plenty, and it's really hard to deal with, I know. The trick is to get out of your own head. Try a menial, repetitive task. I like to get out and work in the yard when I get like that, or work on a project around the house -- even if I feel like I can't get out of bed. What I used to do is take off work and go lie down in front of the TV all day. Worst idea ever. I would just sit around waiting to feel normal again, which would make me think about how bad I felt, which would make it worse, and so on. Shove those thoughts out of your head by doing something. That's why many people use drugs -- just to take the depressive thoughts away. Trust me on this when I say that working out, reading, creating something, anything at all, is a better way to get your mind clear than any chemicals. When you feel great, have a beer, but when you feel like your life is stuck, don't fuel it.
When I get those thoughts, I treat them like they're coming from someone speaking to me. I shut them out and close the door. It's not easy, but as you do it over and over again, you actually physically rewire your brain and it gets easier and easier. Eventually, those thoughts stop knocking if the door is never open to them. Man, typing that out and reading it sounds like I'm schizo, but it DOES help me to visualize it that way.
Sorry for the long post, but I just feel like I've gone through every step you're taking right now, and I have an overwhelming desire to help. I hope you feel better soon -- depression can very much be like any other illness that just lifts and goes away.
I know your pain, and "hopeless" is a very apt description. Just remember that the hopelessness you feel right now is, while very real, temporary. That's why I mentioned to Tania find something to look forward to for tonight. Depression stems from an overwhelming sence of hopelessness. Does this thought pattern sound familiar?
"I feel so sad, I just want to be happy again. But I'm miserable, and I can't do anything that will make me happy. I want to take a hydro, but then I'll start all over again. What if I never get better? What if I'm like this forever? I'm an addict, and therefore will fall back into it, or have to fight it for the rest of my life. I might get better, but then I'll use again..." It keeps going and snowballs into those recurring, obsessive thoughts about how you'll always be held back in some way.
It's a trap -- don't buy into it. You cannot define yourself based on what you've done, because you are NOT who you were. You're who you are, right now, in this moment. You're not an addict, you're not constrained to a life of struggling. What are you right now? You're someone fighting to get well -- so you're not an addict, you're currently a warrior. And soon, sooner than you know it, you're going to be a blessing to all those you help through having gone through this very experience. Because believe it or not, this is happening for a reason. I don't know what it is, and you may not either, but this pain you have now is tempering your soul and making you stronger. In a few weeks, you'll feel like you could walk through fire because you survived this. In my own personal journey, I can now look back and consider my suffering to be worth it because I'm here right now, trying to help. I thank God every day for pulling me through it all, but also for allowing me to feel what it's like to have my life controlled by a substance.
For now, banish those thoughts when they come, and try not to let a cycle form. As I said, go through the motions until your mind follows.
You can always come back. People who've shot insane amounts of heroin for YEARS have come back. However, it's true that you don't want to walk down that road such that getting back is such a terrible experience.
You don't need money to get help for this, all you need is a real desire to be free. Narcotics Anonymous is a great, great tool for anyone. Not only do they help get people off drugs, but they also address the critical issues that get people there in the first place, like depression. I strongly urge you to consider finding a meeting nearby and trying just one out:
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/
It doesn't matter how OK you think you are. You can use any substance 1000 times a day, or you could occasionally pop 1 pill every few weeks, it doesn't matter. And no one will judge you there. I've seen many peoples' lives saved through NA.
I understand that your main concern is depression, and the secondary is hydrocodone. I'm not a doctor, but have you spoken to yours about the depression? It sounds like if you could treat that, the drugs / alcohol wouldn't be as much of a problem to quit. If you don't want to try out NA yet, I still strongly encourage you to let your doctor know how depressed you are because there are some great things out there to help.
Please post again -- moral support isn't everything, but it's a lot.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote