Incoming incoming incoming!!!!!

[_Erin_]

Hey Matt... money is nice, but it doesn't always cut it. To me, it's refreshing to see people who still care about family and the "little things" rather than just banking as much as they can in their lifetime. You can't take it with you! I'm really sorry to hear about your oldest's birthday, I've been that kid before. I hope that you can find a job at home, it sounds like that's what YOU really need right now. Just remember, being home may make her drinking better or it may make her worse... but the only thing that can stop it is HER decision. Don't let it drive you crazy.

Take care, and thank you for sharing!!

[Matt]

Aliciad
Havent heard from you in a while. Just wanted to see if you were Ok...

[aliciad]

Hi Matt,
Stay strong... I know you can do it. I know what you mean about your financial situation getting you down. My alcoholic or should i say ex-alcoholic ruined my eldest birthday last year this time. He turned 13 on the 26th of August 2011 and I promised him and his friends an outing. I could not carry out my promise because while I was at work he stole my car from my house (we were not living together but the nanny was used to him coming to see the little one). He took my spare keys where I hide them and took off for a joy ride with his friends for the entire weekend and crashed my car (still not fixed). Needless to say I spent the weekend in bed with depression and fighting with the South African Police who are not always on the ball when trying to report my car as stolen. My thirteen year old, now turning 14 this month is still upset by it and honestly so am I. I don't know how but I will have to make it up to him but my financial situation is also not too good at the moment. To top it all off his parents have not bought or acknowledged the little one and he is 15 months old already. Needless to say that I find that not having them in my lives is far better than having them in it. I prefer not to have a relationship with them but in the beginning I tried and used to take the baby up for them to see him. Clearly they showed no interest so I stopped. They are still trying and encouraging my ex to not take responsibility for his child. I find it difficult to understand some people some times. Or perhaps it just depends on the way you are raised. I feel for you being so far away from your children. They are what gets me and keeps me going. I sometimes get so down that I wish I could just die... sounds dramatic I know but the reason I try to keep positive and keep going is because I do not wish it upon them to end up with their fathers. Their futures will be doomed!!! (lol) Now I really am a drama queen. It is difficult and you will have your up and down days. Most of the time mine feels like a roller coaster ride... Just when I think I'm on level ground something happens to drag me right down again... but I suppose that's life... no-one ever said that it was going to be easy. Seriously keep strong and try to focus on the positive and like I keep telling myself lately everything happens for a reason. We don't always know what that reason is but it will all work out in the end. Regards, keep well and look after yourself. Don't make yourself sick with worry or depression once you let yourself go there its a very dark, dark place and its difficult to find your way out again. Trust me I've been there. Its very easy to get sucked in and to feel sorry for yourself. We often forget to count our blessings. Good luck and I'm thinking of you.

[Matt]

Aliciad,

Thank you for the words and I feel for you in all that you are having to deal with. Since I do not know SA law, I really cannot offer any help in getting your police off their respective butts to do their jobs. I got a chuckle out of the doomed statement, yet it was to hide the fear thet my kids may go down the same road as their mom. It just terrifies me that one of my kids may have to face this (on either side). One thing that has helped me is my AA book. Still having issues with the spiritual side, but the meaning is the same. My alcoholic has not made me angry (over booze) in quite a while. She tries to provoke and I just say good-by and log off. It works. She for the most part is talking to me sober, aside from the ocassional drunk texting rant. I just ignore those till she can explain what she said to me sober. She is looking at rehab more and more, but she is not ready to make that commitment. She uses the house, kids, bills animals, ect as her excuse. Granted, it would be easier to do when I am home, but still it is just an excuse.

[aliciad]

Hey Matt,
I was not at work yesterday, had no-one to look after the little one so I stayed at home. I must say I'm felt a little bad Friday coz I thought my message was all doom and gloom and I did not want to leave you with that. Feeling a lot chirpier this morning, okay I won't go as far as saying chirpy but in a much better mood. Told you I'm like a roller coaster . I don't think i'm up to Alanon at the moment went to one meeting and I felt for everyone there but I was not that eager to go back myself. I find that I get more understanding and help from this site. I'm glad you treating the situation like you are it makes it easier on you. And like "Dr Phil" says there is nothing worse than being in a toxic relationship unless you want to make it work and go for counselling. Perhaps you and your wife can do that when you back home. I sure there are a lot of unspoken issues and guess who watched "Dr Phil" on her day off .

[aliciad]

Hey Matt you way to silent for my liking let us know u doing okay, okay.

[Matt]

Sorry for the silence. Nothing bad, everything good actually. I am leaving Afghanistan. I finally got a job back in the states and I get to be with my wife and kids on weekends and holidays. Some of you may think that sucks, but in the last three years I haven't seen them for more than 90 days. So for me this a huge. I get my family back.

Now what scares me is having to deal with my alcoholic. I have set my boundaries and I refuse to let her make me mad. I am trying very hard to find peace and happiness with myself. I just dont know what to expect...........

[Matt]

Leaving my base tonight. About a week till I get home. So looking forward to it, but still terrified about having to deal with her drinking. I will hold to my limits I gave her.

[carol]

Matt, so glad you're coming home. I hope you still stay in touch with us.

A few thoughts for now. When I was drinking, after the first one or two I was really mean to my husband. Thank goodness he didn't give up on me. I loved him dearly and didn't mean to hurt him, but I was a mean drunk. He knew it was the alcohol talking but still wondered if there was something he had done or could have done differently, and it was hard not to take it personally. I didn't mean to hurt him but I did. I share this so if your wife does this, know it doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

Weekends and holidays will be so much better than the little time you had before. Only problem is everyone's expectations are going to be high, probably too high, so settling into a cadence will take some time. Patience is probably not something you have a lot of given where you've been working, so keep deep breaths in mind!!

Good luck!!

[Beth]

Matt,

Was thinking about you today and wanted to check in to say hello.
Your posts really showed your hurt and honesty and am hoping life is treating you and your family well.

Just wanted to show my support.

[brendasail]

...............

[aliciad]

Hi Matt been thinking about you. Hope all is fine. Keep in touch. Alicia