Others can drink, which is true but you need to stop fighting alcohol and accept the problem and then you can begin a true recovery.
That is very true Stu,...and very well said.
Others can drink, which is true but you need to stop fighting alcohol and accept the problem and then you can begin a true recovery.
That is very true Stu,...and very well said.
Day 5 over and time for bed, bit of a wobble around 4 o clock but I coped and it feels good to be going to bed sober again. Good night all sleep well.
Stu
Hi Loopy. Congratulations on 4 days! Great stuff - I agree with Stu that it is 4 days (probably 5 by the time you read this). I trust you will be feeling better before long, just hang in there and the lousy physical after-effects should pass and be more manageable soon.
I also agree that it is really important not to beat yourself up emotionally – it’s a bumpy ride that is for sure, so it’s really important you take care of yourself at this time.
You can’t change the past or the future – the only thing you, I, or anyone else can control is our current thought. You can make a conscious choice and decide to change your thoughts to those that help support your sobriety.
I’ve often read and heard about the concept of ‘what you put out, you get back’. So if you are thinking about what a bad person you are, you are likely to continue to have ‘evidence’ of this come back to you. If you are thinking about drinking, you are likely to continue to feel like drinking and events in your life are likely to trigger drinking thoughts. Changing your thoughts is not necessarily easy at first and it takes practice, but I believe it can and does help.
Getting sober usually requires that we play an active part in our recovery, doing the things we need to do to help ourselves. I encourage you to sit down in a quiet place with paper and pen and write down a list of your positive attributes. You might think you don’t have any to write down, but I bet you do – everyone does!
Then, I encourage you to write down a list of positive aspects of being sober, and in particular, the things you enjoy about being sober.
You can then use these lists to help guide you to the type of thoughts you can choose to have. So, if you change your thoughts about yourself and about alcohol, you are likely to have ‘evidence’ coming back to you that you are a good person and that you can be sober.
It might all sound a bit corny, or even ‘woo-woo’ as some people say, but I believe it can and does work. As they say at AA, ‘take what you need and leave the rest’. It’s worth a try and it is another way of being active in your own recovery. Take care.
PS: I almost forgot to mention about being careful about how we perceive things. It is said that ‘our perception is our reality’. If you had seen me a little while back at a family gathering, you may have perceived me to be one of those people who has 2 or 3 drinks then can stop and talk and act quite normally. Little would have anyone known though, that when I got home from the gathering I’d get absolutely drunk and collapse into bed in the early hours of the morning!
Stu: Day 5 – congratulations! Well done on getting past the 4.00 o’clock wobble; each and every one you experience will make you stronger. Before you know it will be one week, then double digits, a fortnight, a month and so forth. I have found setting myself goals like this has helped me through. Every time I reach one goal, I immediately aim for the next one.
I agree with Kevin; your post to Loopy was very true and very well said – and very insightful! Thank you for your thoughts and guidance; they of great help to me also. I look forward to your day 6 post(s). Best wishes.
Wow it is so amazing how the support of fellow alcoholics can really work. We are complete strangers but yet we understand each other as if we have known each problem for years. I appreciate all the supportive words so much. I am feeling stronger. Unfortunately I broke down and cried last night to my husband. Well the unfortunate part is that he took that as a sign that I might drink because I was feeling vulnerable. I understand his position. It must be very scary for him when I am at home with the kids again and he is away and so soon after that last drunk( 5 days). I really don't have a desire to drink today. I do have that insecurity sneaking back in and I feel like I have to feel those feelings and deal with them and not just bottle them up. I think that is what got me into the habit of drinking in the first place paired with the fact that I am alcoholic. I realise that when I am feeling those things I really need to talk to someone from my AA group rather than him. It might be unfair to expect him to hear those insecurities and still have faith in me not drinking.
Hi Jeff,
What can I say I think we all really help each other and I was stunned just how much this mirrored my experience. I pulled it straight from your post.
PS: I almost forgot to mention about being careful about how we perceive things. It is said that ‘our perception is our reality’. If you had seen me a little while back at a family gathering, you may have perceived me to be one of those people who has 2 or 3 drinks then can stop and talk and act quite normally. Little would have anyone known though, that when I got home from the gathering I’d get absolutely drunk and collapse into bed in the early hours of the morning!
It actually made me laugh because it was so much like me that I couldnt believe it. To the outside world everything appears normal, under the surface your just paddling like crazy to stay afloat and too afraid to tell anyone. Go out to the pub have 2 or 3 with familly or friends. Everyone else stops at that but I had to go home and open a bottle of wine etc, etc. You know the drill. Shame we are 10 thousand miles apart, I'm sure we could swap some good stories over a coffee.
Stu
Last edited by Stu; 03-22-2012 at 06:09 AM.
Hi Loopy,
You sound like someone who is really trying hard to kick the habit and can I be blunt, getting no support from the person you are relying on, stop trying to understand his position all the time. It's nothing compared to what you are trying to do. Take a step back and really ask yourself does he understand my position and the transformation I am trying to make and is he really supporting me during the hardest time of my life. Breaking down is part of the transformation having to deal with all those emotions alcohol suppressed over the years and what you need is support and more support from those around you to get you through this to a sober life. Jeffs post is a fantastic blueprint for sustained recovery I read it a few times and I know it will help.
You know Loopy as I said in a previous post this is about you and the fact that you need to be selfish in your recovery. By doing that not only will you benefit but so will those around you in the long run. If your husband really understands this then he needs to demonstrate that by not putting you under any pressure at the moment like family parties where drink is available and he needs to start supporting you emotionally by not judging you.
Please keep it going you are doing so well.
Take care
Stu
Last edited by Stu; 03-22-2012 at 06:22 AM.
Day six, still sober but I never imagined it could be such hard work. The thought of having to start again though is what spurs me on. Good night all sleep well or have a good day depending where you are in the world. Above all I hope like me you have a sober and fulfilling day.
Stu
Hi Loopy. You are doing okay; what you are feeling is all part of the process, but it will get better! It’s also okay to cry, feel vulnerable, insecure and a myriad other emotions which could come up. It’s a positive, I believe, that you recognise the need to ‘feel’ your emotions and deal with them. I firmly believe we often use alcohol to smother or suppress our emotions, so not drinking is only part of the solution to lasting sobriety. We need to learn how to experience our emotions without being afraid of them or using alcohol to avoid them.
Quite often the people in our lives don’t know what they can, should or should not do or say to help us. Often they fear their words or actions will be a trigger for us to drink. I think it is really important to talk to the people close to us to let them know what we are going through, and to give them guidance as to how they can help us. If it’s possible, perhaps you could talk to your husband along these lines, being as specific as the situation permits as to how he can help. Likewise, I’d say it’s also really important for us to be ‘an open book’ – as much as we can and as the situation permits – by letting people close to us know how we are feeling, especially during the difficult moments. And as Stu said, you really have to put you first in your sobriety. Keep up the great progress.
Stu: Congratulations on day 6. Tomorrow will be 1 week – excellent stuff! I know what you mean about ‘paddling like crazy’; it’s like that picture perfect scene of ducks or swans serenely floating around on a pond, yet all the while their legs are kicking like mad under the water!
You’re probably right that we’d have plenty of good stories to swap. There was a post over on the main How to Stop Drinking thread the other day about us all getting together at a bar in Vegas – with non-alcoholic drinks of course – and how strange it might be in that setting.
It sounds like you are making good progress, and like you mentioned, I too under-estimated the initial effort to get sober. It was a shock to me at first, but as I got my head around it and accepted the fact I was better able to move forward. It does get more manageable, so hang in there. I found that actively thinking about sobriety and doing what I needed to do at any given point in time was really helpful. And yes, the thought of having to start again is a real good motivator!
Btw, perhaps you and Loopy would like to join in over on the main thread as there is lots of great guidance available there, and lots of great understanding people. Best wishes.
Good luck everyone.
Morgan
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.” ~ William Arthur Ward
Here is the main thing everybody on this forum for support each other motivate each other which is quite good/useful and appreciate thing.You are so right the you are the only person to make the change but you are not alone here. The forums shed great insight and struggle. Keep posting, Its referred to as keyboard therapy. We are all pulling for you.
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