We're down to weekly threats to move out
He's sober about 2-3 days, then smashed and calling me names. What's next?
Who's threatening to move out? You or him? If it's you, I'd advise you to reconsider making threats you don't intend to follow through on. We all know that one of the worst aspects of our condependencies is that it allows them to subvert consequences. Giving them empty threats just augments this feeling that they are avoiding problems, and so maybe it isn't really a problem.
Check out some of Patrick's articles on the main (not forum) Spiritual River page. Put yourself first. Keep checking back with us.
I have just been through this with my husband and I am the alcoholic in this. I know I love him and I also know I am the person who is causing the pain for everyone. when he threatened to walk out with my kids, no he did not threaten he actually told me to pack my bags and leave, it was a real wake up call for me. He did not relent, but thanks to some intervention from family members and eventually AA I have managed to salvage what thread of trust I had from him still. I don't think he even trusts me at the moment and I am having to really humble myself and understand that I need to keep him constantly updated about my sobriety in order to keep him in the know about my recovery. I have to have the help of AA or some group that understands me and my problem, first hand. If he really wants to recover and you really support him to go to group meetings or rehab it can be done. I hope for the best for you and your marriage.
Last edited by loopy; 03-20-2012 at 02:47 AM.
Reason: wrong name
How about an Al-Anon meeting? That will help: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
Join my site:: http://addictionhelp4u.blogspot.com/
Support there, too.
Prayers and hopes going out for you.
Don't make threats.. set boundaries. Make sure they are boundaries you are willing to stick too, and follow through with. You can't control someone else, and making threats is another form of control or manipulation. After nearly 3 years of putting up with my wife's addiction to H, I followed this advice from someone else, and it worked, she is now in a treatment center.
However, now I Have a tough question for someone else to answer, I really am not sure we should be together, I have a laundry list of reasons why I'd rather not be with her, and the only reason to stay with her, is because of the children, and my faith. Should I move on, or try to stick it out? Also, on top of those feelings, 2 years ago we separated cause she was using and seeing someone else, I tried for 4 months to fix things, and after that I moved on, met someone that made me feel complete euphoria, and in 2 weeks we stopped seeing each other because of complications with my wife and I.. I've never really been able to get that person off my mind... I'm confused, and now, a complete 2 days after my wife got on the plane, I see this person again... OMG! Is this the Devil Tempting me, or is this some sign from God, and how can I figure out the Truth, I so wish I could have a 2 way conversation with Jesus, and know what I should do... It's driving me up a wall... Anyone that can be helpful, will be greatly appreciated.... Thanks...
Last edited by dantoys; 05-01-2012 at 06:30 AM.
Reason: spelling correction
Dantoys, first off I am really glad to hear that things worked out as far as getting your wife into treatment! That makes me happy for you and your boys. I hope they're adjusting well after all they've been through.
Secondly, I can really sympathize with you on the "is this a sign?" feeling you're having. I do that all the time. You stopped seeing each other because of the drama with your wife, so do you really want to drag her back into it? Probably not, and she probably isn't wanting to deal with all those issues, either. In my opinion, before you explore another relationship, you need to get to a point where you decide within yourself that you're ready to end your marriage and that there is nothing left in that relationship for you. You're the only one that really knows the situation and can reach that conclusion. If that's what you choose, I think you should also be honest and upfront with your wife when the time is right, and let her know that bridges were burned and there is no future for the two of you aside from making sure your boys are raised right. Then, make sure you clean up your own backyard before bringing this person back into it. And on top of all of this, your boys have to be priority. Again, just my opinion, but they've been through a lot already, so trying to give them as much stability as I possibly could would be my highest ranking priority.
I feel like if it's meant to be, and it was a sign that you saw them 2 days after your wife left, it will work out that you will meet up again when the timing is better. Everything happens for a reason. Even if it never works out between you and this other person, always be glad for the 2 weeks of euphoria you did have. I have been somewhat in your shoes as far as meeting someone that made me think the grass was greener where they were, but in the end, you have to make the choices that make it possible for you to sleep at night. The right thing isn't always the easy thing, but it always works out somehow.
Good luck, I'm really glad you came back and gave us an update! It actually made my day to see someone use a suggestion given here and it paid off. People pop in and post once about a problem they're facing pretty often, and I have wondered a lot of times how their situation worked out or if they even come back to read again.