Vic, don't beat yourself up, and more power to you for coming clean here. I wonder if I would be able to be so honest if I were in your position. You have so much insight and strength, I hope you will see your way clear to stay with it, and with us.
I read in one of Patrick's articles, that instead of thinking you've stuffed up by having a drink again, take up an exercise class, go for a walk, do ANYTHING positive and JUST KEEP ON MOVING FORWARD. We are all human and humans make mistakes. We feel like crap when we drink and we know it. But sometimes we go back there, where we know we are going to get a quick fix from a drink. So we are alcoholics as we can't control that urge. Or can we? That's why we're here and what I see in all of us is a whole lot of insight and dedication and resolve to move beyond this mess we find ourselves in. So, we pick up where we left off and we KEEP ON GOING>
Vic, Cordellia, Mairianna .... I think you all have shown tremendous courage in posting your struggles here. I've said before that we're all on a journey without a destination, and that voice in your head that tells you to take a drink will always be there. Each time we falter on this journey we learn something - it might not be immediately obvious, but the lessons become part of your psyche and affect your future choices. I think it was Mairianna who mentioned being tired of the fight - when that happens to me I try to meditate, go for a walk, and ponder all the reasons why I quit to begin with. I try to avoid the HALT situations, but that's not always possible so I focus on my awareness of them.
Stay with us and never quit quitting....
Thank you for all the support everybody I greatly appreciate it.
Back to Day 1 today and back to 100% dedication to sobriety.
I've tried to analyze what happened yesterday and I can't come up with any good answers except feeling totally overwhelmed but that should not have been an excuse to drink.
I'm obviously very disappointed with myself and I feel I let you guys down but what's done is done and I will will focus on moving forward and staying sober today.
Have a good sober day everybody.
I wish I could remember the quote about when the slip will come... it is something like, "It won't come after a terrible day at work, or after a fight with your spouse, or on the day of your dad's funeral... it will sneak up when everything is fine...". It was better than that, but you get the gist. That is where the need for constant vigilence comes in! YOu didn't let anyone down, and your experience will give you something to offer to others now and in the future.
What scares me is how much I like the taste of good beer.. the craving gets so overwhelming on a daily basis I am having a hard time imagining giving it up completely (as desperately as I want to quit drinking). The problem is once I start, I find myself going back to the store for high alcohol cheap beer/ malted beverages.. I just have to remember what that one beer leads to. After losing my wife about a year ago (due largely in part to my drinking) I made a promise to myself that I would quit everything but beer and I have blown it on multiple occasions this year. Last night I polished off the majority of a fifth of vodka after coming back from the brewpub. I have got to quit everything.. I'm on day 1 and cautiously optimistic.
Hi Jeff, Im a newby at this too, a couple of things you said popped out at me. like being cautiously optimistic on the first day, i get like that, excited to stay sober, it really suprises me, everytime, how i can be craving a drink by the afternoon of that same day, even just following an big drunk. i think ive learned that staying sober takes time and needs time and im only on day 11... any time that you can stay sober counts and is working you in a certain direction in the journey, i like what others have said, classic i know, but the journey and not the destination thing. the other thing you said that popped out at me was that you just have to remember what the first beer leads to, and i think thats good, it has been really important to me to just remember, but sometimes (often) remembering is just not enough to keep it from repeating, i guess thats where the insanity bit pops in, anyway, i find this forum really helpful
HI, I am also on day one. I have had many day ones before and sometimes even day twos. They are becoming more scarce though. Even though I can wake up saying never again, by the afternoon, I am back down at the bottle shop. Any excuse. Mow the lawn? Have a beer. Wash the car? Have a beer. Friday? Have a beer. And on and on. I hope here I can get the support that I need.
Thanks for the insight Thebad. I know what you mean about the insanity of craving a drink the night after a big drunk.. just amazing how quickly we forget, or justify somehow. miller, I hope the both of us get some sober days under the belt; sounds like we both need to badly. Breaking the habit of drinking during sports events will be so tough for me but I just have to break the cycle.. putting our sobriety before everything else in our lives will be key.
Hi to all the newcomers! I know you will find a lot of support here. The best advice I can give you is to wake up each day and commit not to drink THAT DAY, NO MATTER WHAT! Don't worry about next week or forever, just keep your mind on that day. I am not a big slogan person, but this one works for me: STAY- sober today and yesterday. It is hard sometimes, but lots of things are hard, and I know you can do it.
Vic I am sorry to hear about your troubles but glad you are still fighting to beat the beast (as I read in another post.)
Day 3 for me tomorrow.
Thanks Kat and congrats on 3 days, yes I'm back on the sober train again after a 1 day slip up.
The good news is I have been sober 127 out of the past 128 days so I will focus on that instead of the screw-up and move forward one day at a time again.
Have a good sober day everybody.
Vic, I like your attitude and approach to life. You live and you learn something from every mistake.
Greetings to all the new people and old one's rejoining us!
Hey Miller, I'll keep it short.
From one of Patrick's articles:
1) Nobody totally wants to quit.
2) Those who do quit make the decision anyway.
3) Those who succeed take action following the decision.
More from Patrick:
"Why was I a drunk? Because it was fun. It was a blast. Until it wasn’t. The unbelievable thing was how long I continued to drink and self medicate after it was no longer fun. The unbelievable thing was the denial, that I clung to the false belief that getting drunk was still fun. But it had stopped being fun a long time ago."
Check out these articles at the main site:
Check out the main site and keep posting here.
Thanks Vic and best wishes to you and everyone. I will be on day 1 again tomorrow.
Well, Day 4. Had my night out and didnt drink and feeling good today.
I've been trying to digest all the different stories and postings but my brain is not computing very well, so once I get past finishing my coursework mid week I will have time to read through and reply properly.
Just to say for now thank you all for your kind words and generous support.
Although I've slipped, first after 101 days, then almost a month, then a few days, I am grateful that I have had hardly any poison in my system since July compared to pouring into me everyday for the previous 8 years, and I got some lovely compliments yesterday for people I havent seen for a while, so my health has improved and I've lost loads of weight, got into clothes I havent been able to wear for years, and I look and feel so much better.
Waking up today to day 9. Feeling strong and still as determined as day 1...
With that thought in mind I came to wonder why we all put so much energy into days accumulated? The logic here is yesterday is gone, and tomorrow hasn't come...I guess this is why the "One day at time" rings throughout this site!
So in reality we should always be saying today is day 1... whether it actually is or actually not, the true reality is, it is...
Every day is day one, that is going to be my simplified approach. I will always remember the start date just like I remember all those important dates in my life...Wedding Anniversary, Graduation date, Birthday's, and so on.
How many days have I been married? I couldn't tell you. How many days since my graduation? I really couldn't tell you.
How many days since my last drink! Not going to worry about that anymore because it will always be day 1 from here on out!!!!
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, and a thousand years is the same as a year. congratulations everybody for "DAY ONE" Today!
I suppose we count days to give us some sense of accomplishment and to create a marker for how far we've come. I don't know if it makes it easier or harder. I know with cigarettes, I didn't stop craving them until I stopped counting the days (or vice versa). It become misleading, and probably problematic, when you've accumulated a lot of sober time and then relapse. For me, it was always discouraging to be starting over, when I am not starting over. I have learned a lot about myself and alcoholism. My goal is to stay sober for my life, not to accumulate a lot of days. I also suppose this tradition started with AA to show newcomers that the process worked, but I have no evidence of this. That said, I am starting day 14! Monday will mark the longest I have been sober in 12 years! After that, I will stop paying so much attention to days and move to months.
Great accomplishment...I suppose if counting days helps a person stick to their goals and feel a sense of victory then it is a good thing. With me going on these 9 days... it's been probably over 15 years I've been without a drink this long. I remember years back going a month, that felt so good I had to have a drink. Since then it's been drinking every day until 9 days ago.
Today I feel so determined to grasp, choke, throw to the ground ,and stomp on the urge to ever go back! I'm not satisfied with 9 days, I want to strangle the life out of the desire to ever want a drink again...
All of the conversation on here at this point has made me stronger. I know the time will come sooner or later when I will face a struggle with wanting a drink bad...but to this point the demon hasn't attacked yet. I will not know what hour or what day this will eventfully happen. Until it does I will continually prepare myself .
And Miller....instead of 'giving up', try 'taking something else on' instead? So instead of beating yourself up about your drinking, say "I'm going to do yoga/aerobics/go for a walk" today. Break the habit. Commit to change. Work really hard t it.