Welcome Back Kimber!!! Swallow that hurt hard, let it go, emotions were probably high, pick yourself up, and keep moving forward. You are a survivor, I can tell. Been there too, I know how you feel. Love yourself.
Big Hug.....been thinking of you!
Ken? Come back. I had some down time too. Hope you are still resolved, no matter where you've been.
Big Hug.......would help me to hear from you.
You are not alone. I know about wanting to drown the sorrow and pain away. Then again, I have days when I feel really strong too. I seem to go to the depths of despair, and then after about a day of that, end up taking a real deep breath, and start thinking of ways to change the way I am thinking about things. Focus on the present again, and stop mourning the past. So....what are you going to do for Kim today?
Take a deep breath, feel better and encouraged about your future. You have no way to know right how how wonderful it might be, and you'll miss it if you drink, or remain in the depth of despair and sorrows.
Take care of yourself today.
Love you, Juliet
PS....I wish I could be with you right now to give you a HUGE HUG, caress your hair, and tell you it really will be okay. I guess my words will just have to do.
Eat something...take a nice hot bath or shower, get some fresh air, something wonderful could happen today!!!!
Last edited by Julliet; 10-05-2011 at 07:03 AM.
((((((hugs)))))) Kim... I've been through that range of emotions, too. You said a couple times what you wrote on this site was a journal so you can go back and re-read it when you needed it. I think you need it, girl! I don't know the situation or what happened, but remember, you are not that "barfly party girl" your ex is looking for! You weren't happy in that lifestyle for a reason, honey. Rise above and be who you are! You will find someone who truly appreciates the beautiful woman you really are.
Don't forget about that lawyer you have on standby! Like I said, I don't know the situation, but it's good to know you have her to consult in case things get messy after all. Thinking of you today!
Once again, you have a good plan. No matter what you said or did last night it is over. You were in pain. Make your apologies that you feel you need to, and move on. Ummmm....ashamed, can't believe I said that, did that? Oh yeah, been there a few times to many too. Emotional pain is so much worse than physical pain, at least I think so. But it can be easier to heal if we just forgive ourselves, forgive others, and concentrate on making things better today. I promise that with time things will work out exactly how they are supposed to. Got your back girlfriend!
Originally Posted by Kimber
Kimber - I can imagine what your going through! You are going to continue to have your good days and bad, but how you react to them is only up to you! You were doing so well but the "other shoe" dropped and just remember how you handled it! Drinking is never the way because we have all done things that we regret afterwards. Your not alone! We have all been there done that! I hope you and your landlord are still cool. I would talk to her and let her know the person she saw last night wasn't you, and that person won't be back. Remember, you only get one shot at a first impression.
You'll be fine!! Go back and re-read your old post and don't forget what happened after having only a "few" beers the next time you think about picking up that drink when your having a tough time!! Good luck!!
Wow....a friend just sent me and others in her list, this quote today, and it sure sums it up for me anyway. I can't believe sometimes how one moment can be just the moment I was needing at that moment!!!
"God doesn't give you the people you want in life, He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, so you can become the person you were meant to be."
Julliet,... hey, I just needed a break from here and everything. I'm not planning on going anywhere, I just had to get caught up on some things. How are you?
Ruth,...thanks for your message. I agree that there is much to learn from others, successes and failures alike. At first I felt very welcome here and then there was some drama in another forum, so I decided to spend some time reading through Patrick's main site for a while. I am trying to understand why I relapsed after such a long time sober and wasn't picking up anything that was helping me in that forum during that time. Everything seems to be back to normal and I'm back to learn and grow as much as I can. I have met some great people like yourself here and plan to stay as long as necessary.
Millie,...You are exactly right, I did relapse but I'm not afraid to admit it. My only hesitation is discouraging someone else, I'm not ashamed or embarrassed. One of the life skills I am getting pretty good at is not worrying about what other people think. Not in a rude way, I just realize that if I am doing the best I can, it doesn't matter what other people think. Thanks for your encouragement, that does help a lot!
To quote from one of Patrick's recent articles: "Why was I a drunk? Because it was fun. It was a blast. Until it wasn’t. The unbelievable thing was how long I continued to drink and self medicate after it was no longer fun. The unbelievable thing was the denial, that I clung to the false belief that getting drunk was still fun. But it had stopped being fun a long time ago."
I am there, but there's more: "Is it possible to get sober when you really do not want to stop drinking at all?
Yes and no.
Is it really possible to develop willingness out of thin air? How can you motivate yourself to change?
There are at least 3 pieces to this. Realize that:
1) Nobody totally wants to quit.
2) Those who do quit make the decision anyway.
3) Those who succeed take action following the decision."
Here's my favorite part of yesterday's article, which started a new addiction recovery course:
"If you still happen to be drinking or using drugs and you are moving closer to the point of surrender then there are a couple of things that you should keep in mind in order to help accelerate this process:
* Pay attention to how happy you are at various times throughout the week in relation to your drug or alcohol use. Are you always happy? Are you happy for one hour each day? For only an hour or two each week? Start honestly measuring how much time you spend actually being happy and content. Is your drug of choice really doing for you what it used to do? Does it produce happiness for you all day, every day? Or is the happiness more of a fleeting memory that you are just chasing now?
* Do you remember the good times from when your drug or alcohol use was more fun? Are you trying to recreate those good times by using your drug of choice? Is it working?
* What is the point of your drinking or drugging? Are you medicating your emotions? Are you medicating physical pain? Are you just trying to have a good time? Is it working? Is it working as well as it used to work? Do you think it will ever work well again?
Ask yourself these questions when you wake up some time and are relatively sober. Really think about them and realize that–for the addicts and alcoholics out there that are reading this–the answers should all point to the idea that IT IS OVER. The fun is gone. The ability to medicate your pain is gone. Now it is just a fleeting a memory that you have of how well your drug of choice once worked for you. Those days are gone and you cannot get them back. Time to get sober and move on with your life instead."
And finally, from today:
"Once you decide that total abstinence is the way to go, now you have to work on the mental implementation of that idea.
How do you manage this idea mentally, the idea that you can never use drugs or alcohol ever again?
I call it “the zero tolerance policy.” It is a mental agreement that you make with yourself.
And what exactly is this agreement?
The mental trick that you have to engage in is just this:
Make an agreement with yourself, right now, that you will not allow yourself to entertain the thought of drinking or drugging.
Make an agreement with yourself, right now, that you will stop yourself immediately if you find yourself romancing the idea of being drunk or high.
Make an agreement with yourself that you will never again allow yourself to consciously fantasize about drinking or taking drugs again.
And of course, make an agreement with yourself that you will not take a drink or a drug, no matter what.
That’s it. That is your zero tolerance policy that you make with yourself. You do not tolerate even the thought of going back to using."
I printed out these articles and wound up highlighting the whole page every time! I also highly recommend a PDF by Patrick at this link: http://www.spiritualriver.com/wordpr...iveLiving2.pdf
It's titled Avoid Passive Living and Take Massive Action. It's excellent and I'm trying!
Thanks...good to hear from you, and good words.
How am I?......Struggling just like you but I really want it too.
Ken. Great to hear fom you and great post. I am going to take the time to go read Patrick's article. I completely understand the reluctance to discourage someone else. Mairianna and I started on same day. My fear of letting her down helped keep me sober a long time, but, alas, ultimately I slipped this week. She, of course, is still going strong. My struggles, instead of tempting her to follow, are a good reminder of why she doesn't want to drink no matter what. Mairianna, correct me if got it wrong.. . Anyway, I think that is why the good, bad, and ugly on here are so important. Recent drama notwithstanding, it is a great bunch that regularly post on here. We start to worry if we don't hear from someone in awhile...
Julliet,...you are who I didn't want to disappoint. You have been such an inspiration and so nice to me, and I wanted to say thanks. Are you my guardian angel?
I know why I can't get traction, and until I solve that I fear I am going to keep struggling. I had a very successful contracting company, and when the housing market and economy crashed, my business declined to the point where I was just breaking even. There's no point in working 80 hour weeks to break even, so I shut it down, sold off all my equipment, and let my employees go. I have been searching non-stop for my next career/business to open and can't seem to find anything. I had something lined up, so I thought, but upon further investigation I found it to be one of those "if it sounds too good to be true" scenarios. I had always intended on becoming a realtor when I was too old to handle construction anymore, but we all know the condition of the real estate industry. Thus my constant source of stress. I spent almost 20 years in the corporate world before that, and just don't think I can handle getting a job after being self-employed. I have had several offers for sales and management positions, but I think I would be the most unhappy accepting one of those positions.
Millie,...you give great advice and I can tell you genuinely care about other people. That makes you awesome! Thanks for your wise words.
Kimber,...that article is great and got me excited about quitting. Finding this site has been a real blessing. I had been on so many other related sites but none even come close to the great info plus all the great people found here. I have to keep reminding myself to go to the main site everyday, especially since Patrick started a new series yesterday.
Good to hear from all three of you and thanks again.
Ken, you don't disappoint me in any way. I totally understand where you are at. You have to reinvent yourself again, just like I have done so many times. Really, we all have to do this in many episodes of our life, there is no escaping it for any of us, cuz shit beyond our control just happens. You have a ton of business experience, and you are going to get your mojo back again. I did, you can too. Your struggles everyday are taking you another day closer to figuring it out. Be patient, don't give up, keep it up, and keep talking here. Ask God each morning, what is His will for you, and He will answer you. I would not have made this statement to anyone else here but you.
It is going to be okay, even if it takes a little more time. Keep your heart and mind open everyday, who knows where life is going to take you, maybe somewhere you have not even thought of yet, and it will make you so happy once again! God always wants the best for you, ask Him what he wants you to do, and when it is revealed, accept it, and go for it.
Luv you, Juliet
Last edited by Julliet; 10-05-2011 at 01:48 PM.
Drinking, addiction is a symptom of our hurt and frustrations in our lives. We use it (drink, smoke, puff, pills, powder, juice, whatever you call it) to annoint the pain of it all, to make it all go away even if just for a little while!
If we could only accept that our current condition is meant to be for us to learn something. What the hell are we to learn from all of this? I don't know, I'm still trying to learn it too, but I have FAITH that there is something here for me to learn, and if I don't open my heart to it everyday, I will take my ignorance to the grave and never have fulfilled what is really meant for me to do in this life.
If there is such a thing as reincarnation, and I think that whether it be physical in this world, or some other spiritual realm that we as humans know really nothing about, if I don't learn what I am supposed to in this life, I will take my pain and suffering to the next life, whatever that is, over and over, until I FINALLY DO learn what is my purpose for being here in this human experience as a spiritual being. Not to sound like goody two shows here, but if it resonates with you, then my words weren't wasted. Take the best and leave the rest. I too am struggling with this terrible addiction, my words are only meant to offer a different way to think about all of this, and help you stop with the self hatred. What does anyone else think about this concept? I am really interested to hear it.
Last edited by Julliet; 10-05-2011 at 02:23 PM.
Julliet,...wow, you are unbelievable! So positive and right on the money. I have always been intensely goal oriented, and for the first time in my life I find myself rudderless. You have to understand, I am usually the person that friends and family come to for advice. You are exactly right about asking God what His will is for me. As you know, I am a man of faith and this is so basic. I can't believe I didn't think of that. I pray for other people, I never think to pray for myself!
I will keep an open mind and appreciate your words more than I can express in words. I am moved to the point where I just had to wipe a tear; I am going to re-read this post many more times today. Thank you and love to you too!
Beautifully put, Juliet! I agree... I feel like there is a smooth road laid out in front of me and I set up my own road blocks sometimes. I make life harder than it has to be. I try to control so many things at one time, when sometimes if I would just step back and allow life to happen, I would see that the things I think I control, I really have no control over. I would receive more answers if I would be quiet and listen, instead of trying to talk over whoever is trying to send me a message. I can't count how many times I've hoped and prayed for some answer or help or understanding, and when I finally got it, a light bulb went off... like, "Ohhh..." - I was the one holding up the process!
Erin..... I couldn't agree more. You are truly an angel sent to us here at SP forums. Your Mom must have spoken with God and ask Him to put you in our path to remind you how much she loves you.
Hope all is well with you, you are so lovely, sweet, and truly a loving heart.
Erin,...your message made me think of a song by Lit called "My Own Worst Enemy". Not about you, about me. Your message is spot on, control is an illusion. I was reminded that I need to pray and meditate every day. Praying is asking God for what you want and meditating is listening for God's answer.
Ken I understand ruderlessness. It won't be that way for long. Stay quiet in the early morning when you wake up, make yourself a good cup of coffee, sit in your favorite chair, spend some time with yourself and God, and know that no matter what you are going through right now, it was meant just for you and that you have all kinds of support all around you.
I am wrapping my arms all around you and telling you it is going to work out, you are going to figure it out, it is all coming to you when you are ready to accept it.
Keep your Faith my friend, I have much faith in you!
Juliet, wonderfully said. I think I need to do more praying and listening too.
"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do," he told the Stanford grads in 2005.
"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."
The above is a quote from Steve jobs, from a commencement speech many years ago. So sad he died today.