Getting Started

[Ken1]

Pertinent article for us I wanted to pass along:

Missing Our Old Habits
Enduring Discomfort by Madisyn Taylor

Sometimes when we break a habit or addiction we find ourselves missing it like a dear friend.

Whenever we make the effort to free ourselves of an addiction or a habit we no longer need, we are often surprised to find ourselves missing the old pattern as we would a familiar friend. This sounds counterintuitive, because we think we should instinctively gravitate toward that which is good for us. And yet, it makes a lot of sense when you consider that we humans are creatures of habit. This is why we gravitate to people and places—and patterns of behavior--that make us feel comfortable. Therefore, many of the habits we form are not conscious and are based instead on learned behavior from role models who were not always making the healthiest decisions.

Most addictions begin as a way of avoiding feelings that are extremely uncomfortable, so it makes sense that stopping the addiction means, for a time, a fair amount of discomfort. The same, of course, is true of habits that we have developed over time that we are ready to release. Just knowing that this is hard, and having compassion for ourselves as we work through this process, can help us to stay the course when we feel the urge to backtrack. It’s also helpful to remember that in time we will establish new, healthier patterns, and the yearning for the old ones will disappear. Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and the longing for positive change may form the basis of a new habit.

The only way to get to this new place is to endure a time of difficulty, which is a challenge we can confidently handle, if we remember that it will lead to the change we seek in our lives. Our bodies, hearts, and minds always need time to adjust to a new way of doing things, but they will adapt, and even become our allies, if we remain true to our vision of a new way

[Ken1]

We all quote Patrick when we talk about it being necessary to take massive action in order to beat addiction, but I don't recall us ever talking about defining it. I found an article by Patrick where he does just that. Here it is:

"By far, one of the most important concepts in early recovery is that of taking massive action.

Massive action is what you need in order to overcome any addiction. Why?

Because addictions are very difficult to overcome, and any drug or alcohol addiction is firmly entrenched in your life and in your habits.

Think about it: what do they say that you have to change now that you are in recovery? Everything! They say that you have to change everything, and they are basically right! You really do have to change your whole life if you want to have a chance at staying clean and sober.

Folks, this is no small feat. This is not a little task that lay ahead of you. No, this is monumental. This is huge. Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is likely to be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life.

Think about that. Overcoming addiction is your greatest challenge. The toughest opponent you have faced, ever. This is your biggest battle.

So why would it NOT take massive action? Of course it is going to be the greatest effort you have ever put forth! You are not just going to take action in order to overcome addiction, you are going to put forth the greatest effort of your life. Ever!

So do not think in terms of “what is the minimal effort I can put forth and make this recovery stuff work for me.” That is the wrong attitude entirely. You are doomed to relapse if you are trying to figure out how to cut corners with your recovery.

No, it requires massive action. Overcommitment. Going the extra mile.

(Here is where he defines massive action)

How do you do this?

The best way is to dedicate your entire life to recovery. Make it your only priority. Everything else becomes secondary.

* Long term rehab? No problem….become willing to live there for several years if necessary.

* 90 meetings in 90 days? No problem….attend several meetings per day (if they work for you) and become involved in helping out with them in any way that you can.

* Recovery literature and self examination? No problem….dive into the material and study it like you have final exams on it next week. Don’t let up for a year or two.

You get the idea. Don’t just take action….take massive action.

Those who fail in early recovery can be easily diagnosed as people who did not take massive action. Anyone who relapses within the first 90 days of recovery can look back and agree that “yes, I could have done a lot more in order to work on my recovery. I did not take enough action.”

This is a no-brainer. If you dedicate your life to recovery, and take positive action every single day, then guess what? You will remain clean and sober, and your life will get incrementally better, every single day.

But if you try to slide by and do the bare minimum…trying to do “just enough” to maintain your sobriety, then guess what? Random life circumstances and events will eventually push you over the edge into a relapse."

Here is the link to the entire article: http://www.spiritualriver.com/early-...se-prevention/

It really is one of his best (I know, I say that about every one I read.)

[yogajunkie]

day 2. in horror and disbelief that i am this person. a real attempt quitting is long overdue... not sure how i'll manage without the comfort and safety net that alcohol provides for my loneliness.

i appreciate knowing this is here and reading about others' triumphs.

[Ken1]

Hi Yoga Junkie, welcome! You are off to a great start reading through the threads here and I would recommend reading through as many of the articles at the main site as you can also. Please post as often as you would like and this is the perfect place to do so on Day 2, and congratulations on that as well. We are all struggling to recover from drinking too much and definitely learn from each others struggles and triumphs, so let us know what is going on, how you are feeling, what you are thinking, etc. so we can relate our own discoveries on this path so far. Best of luck to you and I am proud of you for making the decision to get sober. I would like to recommend to you this link as a great starting point:
http://www.spiritualriver.com/early-...se-prevention/

[yogajunkie]

many thanks, ken, for the welcome. after i posted that i was able to get my best friend on the phone who was so reassuring and doesn't judge me- especially when i am judging myself very harshly. i was able to cry with her and tell her lonely and unloved i feel. and she knows that alcohol and drinking have created a community for me that i will now need to replace.

it's really hard to not be ashamed by my actions and past behaviors as i am trying to go forward in this new way. i have done some risky things in the past that luckily didn't turn out worse but today i'm struggling to let them be in the past and look forward knowing that if i don't drink, i can be free of worry about doing any of them again.

thank you for being proud of me, especially as i'm feel bad about myself.

more soon,
YJ

[Ken1]

Yoga Junkie, one of the many things I have learned here is the anacronym HALT. It stand for hungry, angry, lonely, tired and they are all some of the basic reasons that drive the urge to drink. You have already figured out that being lonely is one of your triggers, and have already found two good solutions, reaching out to your supportive friend and coming here! Look for other ways to eliminate this issue; you are obviously a big fan of yoga, are you taking classes? Are there any nice people you could socialize with from them? Just thinking out loud.

Isolation is one of the warning signs that we may be drinking too much, so it is great that you figured this out so early in your sobriety.

Forgiveness is a very important part of your recovery. Although it is good that you recognize that you have made some mistakes, guess what, that makes you human! We all have regrets here, and like you said good thing those mistakes didn't turn out worse. But now is a new phase where you need to always remember the past as to not repeat it, but to forgive yourself and others for past mistakes. Put down that burden of guilt as it does no good to continuously beat yourself up. Forgive others for their mistakes as well, not for them for you! Stop carrying that anger around, let it go and move on to a more positive place. The good news is today is a new day where you can re-invent yourself into whomever you wish, your future is unlimited.

Don't feel bad about yourself, feel good that you are making such a huge positive change for yourself! The key is to surrender to the fact that you cannot drink no matter what. Get completely honest with the fact that there is nothing in your life that drinking cannot make worse and then pledge to take massive action to make sure that you do not relapse. Keep fighting and keep posting!

[Lake Lady]

Good day, all!

With the help of this website, forum, and suggested MASSIVE action, I made it through day 2. Whew! Picked a fine time to get sober ... right before a holiday weekend! But, for me, it couldn’t come soon enough. I knew I was in trouble, particularly when I recently experienced a dream-come-true, but decided to “enhance” it by four nights of binge-like drinking. Makes you wonder how I drank when things went bad, right?!?!

I met Greg Lake, from Emerson, Lake and Palmer, a week ago. Do I remember it? Yeah. Was it kind of fuzzy? Sort of. That's a shame, in and of itself (at least I have the picture evidence.) But, what do I do to make it worse? Try to make the high “higher” by drinking for four days. Huh? That's the addictive mind for you. It's never enough. Even if it were, I was just "celebrating" the moment. Or whatever series of "massive rationalizations" once can use to justify the continuing insanity.

What brought me out of lurking in this sight was my inability to function on Tuesday morning. Unable to work, I fed my cats, and went right back to bed until about 1:00 p.m. This is something new to me as I had always been a functioning drunk. But the bottle of wine a night wasn’t cutting it for me anymore. So, out would come the corkscrew for a work-out with another bottle. Then, sometimes there would be the vodka “nightcap.” I knew it was way too much, especially when I began to feel like I was literally pickling my body and my mind. The wine clubs, trips to wine country, all the accessories, prancing around with pretty goblets, etc. ... I admit it, the glamour is gone. I don’t want to clean up red wine stains everywhere (including in my closet ... don’t ask!). And I don’t want to be falling down and/or off of bar stools. It was becoming just as ugly for me as if I were out on the street drinking from a bottle in a paper bag.

I have too much going for me to throw it all away. I own a business and have never been busier. I never want to have to call a client to reschedule a meeting, like I did Tuesday morning, because I am sick in bed with a hangover. I felt SO good today, and achieved more in one day than I did Monday and Tuesday combined. However, I was feeling dejected that I took a really memorable once-in-a-life time experience and ruined it with sickness from unnecessary alcohol abuse. But I guess I can turn that around and always associate meeting a rock legend with giving up the drink. My Memorial Day!

Thanks for listening. Through my research and lurking, this is the best site out there. The articles are invaluable and will serve as a road map to navigate through a long holiday weekend, and beyond. Also, thank you for this and all of your posts that helped me gain insight, clarity and a place to start. It’s where I wish to stay. Now, let’s do this!

Strength and honor.

[Ken1]

Lake Lady,

Welcome and thank you for posting. Your story reads like a book I read (and recommend); Drinking, A Love Story. Drinking is so intertwined into our society and glamorized everywhere you look. The truth is there is that there is an ugly side that is all too real and for people like us the norm. Congratulations on day 2, I think a holiday weekend is a great time to quit, it is easy to remember your anniversary this way and you can celebrate it at the same time. Get yourself some alternative beverages you like, I just discovered ginger beer and love it. It is not a non-alcoholic beer, it is a soda, like a heavy version of ginger ale.

We don't think of people just reading as lurking, rather as read only participants that are just not ready to post. The truth is like you said, this is great place and very open to new people. Non-judgmental and supportive, a great way to get some "keyboard therapy" (thanks Billy!). There are many people like yourself here, high functioning alcoholics that somehow self sabotage themselves by drinking when they are about to have a big breakthrough. We are working on answers to why we do that to ourselves and welcome your input.

Please continue to post, keep reading this and the How To Stop Drinking threads at a minimum plus the articles at the main site. Post in any thread that you feel like and best of luck to you on your journey. We welcome your input as we all learn from each others stories.

[donnallama]

I too have been reading the threads without posting. Just getting starting with sobriety and uncertain of what the future holds. I'm on day 20 sans alcoholic beverages in my system. Coming off of thousands of days of wanting to stop and evenings of forgetting all those thoughts of quitting. In 15 years I've strung together two runs of sobriety: 21 days (about 18 months ago) and 28 days (early this year).

But I'm not an alcoholic. How can I be an alcoholic when I have a job, a home, a husband? I've never blacked out or vomited while passed out or walked into a door. No DUIs or unpaid bills. Just a big, dark hole in my soul. And I know, or am starting to see, that if I don't figure out what that's about, I'll go back to filling it with wine.

So ... massive action. Maybe 90 meetings in 90 days. Dipping my toe in AA waters since early January. I'm surprised to find I look forward to most meetings. Have started working w/a sponsor. Am unraveling my estrangement from the God of my understanding. Feeling very exposed and vulnerable writing about this; also grateful to have a place to open up. Have read many of the articles and posts. Spiritual River. Beautiful.

My name is Donna, and I'm an alcoholic.

Very sad to see that in writing. And what a relief.

[Lake Lady]

Hi Donna - You are right about feelings of vulnerability after making that first post. I cried after I hesitantly hit “enter” last night wondering, what is so wrong with my life that I let it get so out of hand? But I knew I had to get it out there in an effort to make this start-up process official in some form or fashion. Congrats on your 20th day, by the way. May your 21st be even better!

Ken - Thank you for recommending the book, “Drinking: A Love Story” (while browsing, I just saw that you posted that in the Library section too). It's funny. I bought that book about five years ago at an airport bookstore. Read the whole thing on a trip home ... with a constant drink in my hand. I couldn’t put it, or the drink, down. I just guess it just wasn’t my time! It is so incredibly well-written and is probably the story of so many of our lives. I pulled it out, dusted it off and am going to take it for another spin tonight.

I was really worried about today. Friday, the kick start of a long holiday weekend? How are we supposed to do this?!?! I had lunch at an Italian restaurant that I have never NOT had drinks with my meal. I drove away in a daze, but feeling great, wondering how I got out of there sans a gallon of Chianti. A first of many firsts, I hope. Then, I received a green light from my doctor to embark upon a 10-day detox cleanse. Two main reasons: (1) Obviously, to eliminate toxins; and (2) to give me an added massive incentive to stay clean for the next 10 days. In the past, it wouldn’t have been beyond me to do a cleanse while drinking. Kind of like a post I read where someone talked about balancing a gym membership with drinking schedules and hangovers. Or the irony of reading the Dr. Oz book, “You, Staying Young: The Owner's Manual for Extending Your Warranty” with a double vodka tonic in my hand. I mean, seriously? And, so it goes!

Fight the good fight, and have a wonderful weekend!


Disclaimer: I am not recommending or advocating a toxic cleanse as a part of anyone else's process of recovery. Please consult with your physician pertaining to your own personal health issues.

[Ken1]

Donna, hello and glad you decided to join in on the conversation. Congratulations on your 20 days sober! It can be particularly challenging in the beginning experiencing the flood of emotions you previously numbed yourself to with alcohol as I'm sure you know. The alternative is so much better and opens our world to living a life that's real, not one we self-medicated to avoid. I am a big fan of AA and glad to hear you are giving it a try. It has been a real lifesaver for me and I give it all the credit for helping me get some traction. The first meeting I went to took some doing out of fear mostly, but everyone was so welcoming and open. It was the first time I didn't feel alone, that I recognized that there was hope to beat this thing.

My name is Ken and I'm an alcoholic, nice to meet you!

Keep reading through the threads here, there's a great deal of accumulated wisdom in them. Keep posting and reading the articles at the main site. I'm considering starting an AA thread if you might be interested in participating in it, let me know. Best of luck to you in your efforts and hope you have a great day.

Lake Lady, you cracked me up with your story about reading Dr. Oz with a drink in your hand! Sounds strangely familiar as I might have watched his show once or twice with a buzz. Let's help each other not to repeat that. I also can relate to the first time I posted, I felt awfully exposed but was welcomed here immediately with open arms and lots of support, so you made the right decision. Have a great morning and talk to you later.

[Eric]

The Dr. Oz story is great! I used to download AA speaker tapes from XA-Speakers and listen them while drinking beer - one right after the other.

[donnallama]

Another day, and feeling relieved to be sober on a Saturday night. I confess I'm dubious about social networking as a way to develop a support system, but I've been wrong about so many things. I'll give it a go, and thank you for your warm welcome.

I read "Drinking - A Love Story" a couple of years ago. It's an amazing piece of writing, fearless. Late in the book when she's writing about maintaining sobriety and having tea w/her friend I thought "I want that." It didn't change my drinking then, but I didn't forget that fuzzy picture of a better life.

Lake Lady - You're brave to start a cleanse now! I seem to be hooked on caramel-flavored anything these days. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Ken - An AA thread might be a good idea. The 12 steps mystify me. And it would be nice to have a place to ask questions about and discuss some of the challenges of working in a recovery group. As for the emotional ride, well, there are lots of things to see once the fog clears. Anger and frustration feels like a storm; it wipes me out. But at least now I know I'm angry. I used to drink and wonder why nobody could admit that I was right. It's no way to find peace and contentment.

[Eric]

Donnallama, you might want to check out a book called "Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA" by A. J. Adams. It tells the story of a person who comes into AA very skeptical of the process but then finds it works. I have just started it, but I like it because it presents the reality of getting sober through AA.

[Ken1]

Eric, you should put that one in the Library thread. I started reading the partial Google online version and couldn't stop so I wound up ordering it. Thanks for pointing it out.

[donnallama]

Thanks, Eric, for the suggestion. I'll check it out; it sounds like it would be really helpful right now. I've also noticed a new article about AA on the home page, though haven't read to the end of the article.

There's a library thread?! Such a great site.

[Eric]

The library thread is in the watercooler forum. It is still fairly young so please add to it! :-)

Ken, I was thinking to add it, but want to wait until I finish it first, then I can give an honest review.

[Maggie B]

Getting started again - Day 1 about to begin for the umpteenth time. Just completed 22 days but slipped up on Friday, then continued Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Want to get back on track before the old habits get too deeply engrained again.

[Ken1]

Maggie B, welcome back and congratulations on your 22 days. Don't beat yourself up, it doesn't help. You can do this. If you are ready, start tomorrow as your new day1 and use the 22 days as proof to yourself that you have the knowledge to try again. Start reading through the threads and come back more often to post, it really helps to get the support of others and realize that you are not in this alone. Be sure to also post in the How To Stop Drinking thread and tell your story there as well. Good luck to you and don't give up!

[Ken1]

ww43, "flu like symptoms" are a perfect way to describe detoxing. Seems like our bodies would be glad we are no longer poisoning ourselves but it's funny what we can train ourselves to accept. Keep pushing through, take some Advil or Immodium if you need to, it helped me. Take your vitamins, eat and drink plenty of water. I had no idea how dehydrated I was until I started drinking water. Get all the rest you can too and you will feel better soon!