60, 90 days....now what?

[Sally]

Vic - good for you on 100 days - wooo hooo!! and so proud to hear you are enjoying the gift you have given yourself.
Dragonfly 30 is amazing - I am right behind you - I hit 30 tomorrow - day by day - like you i am not counting but someone asked so I looked it up .. it is a lifetime committment
Ruth and Christy - 5 months - you go girls - how is school going this year Ruth?
Juliette - 2 months - who'd of thought huh?
Are there any other birthdays out there? There are so many people and I read infrequntly these days so like Sam if I missed you congratulations!!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend - stress free - I am going to a college football game tomorrow with my family - very excited. We have been invited to a tailgate party - that starts at 7am - lol - think we will get there around 11 and then enjoy the game at noon.

[carol]

Yesterday was my 6 month anniversary! I have seen people put their "sober day" at the end of their messages, and I think that's neat. For me, it's always been about freedom, being free from alcohol, so my "freedom day" is May 8, 2011! It was Mother's Day, and since I feel bad about the impact my drinking had on my daughters it feels good that Mother's Day was my first day of freedom!!

Carol
Freedom Day May 8, 2011

[Ruth]

Congratulations, Carol! Think of the positive role model you are now for admitting your problem and taking steps to change yourself. I think that is very powerful. WHen pressed, my daughter will grudgingly admit that my strength is admitting when I am wrong! At least there's that... I find that I don't miss alcohol so much anymore, but I am feeling kind of blah and exhausted... I feel overwhelmed with everything I am juggling. Samantha, I think it is you who always ask how the school year is going, and it is going fine, but I am constantly under a giant pile of papers that need to be managed. Anyway- still glad to be free of alcohol- freedom day, June 6th 2011, my 51st birthday!

[Mairianna10]

Carol, wow, 6 months, what an achievement. You must be so proud and so must your daughters. Just off to give mine the biggest hug ever x

[Sally]

Ruth - 5 months !!! wow - you are doing amazing. Take a moment to reflect back to the first day you found SP - and now reflect on your life as it is today. Pretty amazing journey huh? We are all truly blessed to have found this site, and each other. I am so grateful for every one of you - and my sobriety - i couldn't have done it without all of you. Who'd have thunk LOL

Do something nice for yourself today - I am - I'm playing hooky LOL - loving living in my pj's for the day:]

[Vic]

Congrats Carol on 6 months that is truly an amazing accomplishment.
Congrats also to Ruth for over 5 months, awesome and very inspiring.
Good job to everybody else as well for maintaining sobriety.

[Ruth]

Hi guys- just checking in... I managed to pull off a gentle surprise birthday party for my husband (people just started "stopping by" and now they are all upstairs playing music and laughing....). I am happy that I am sober to enjoy it and not make a fool of myself! I feel lucky to have a full house of good friends!

[carol]

Ruth, what a lovely thing to do for your husband and oh so much better to experience it sober. Well done!

[Vic]

Day 107 turned out to be a very interesting one.
My wife had bought tickets to a food and wine event several months ago and last night was the event. I was somewhat apprehensive about going because of the wine part of the equation but I wanted to go because my wife was looking forward to the event as she is a very good cook and was looking for new cooking ideas.
Long story short the event was heavy on wine, spirits, beer and light on food. As soon as we got in they handed us each a glass to sample all the different alcohol selections and tickets to purchase sample bottles of whatever alcohol we liked. As you can imagine we were not expecting this and my anxiety grew as we walked around the various alcohol exhibits. I kept looking for the food exhibits but their was only one and it was filled to capacity. As we continued to walk around the many dozens of booze exhibits we were constantly offered samples of alcohol every 2 feet. I didn't want to appear to be a downer so I let a guy fill up my glass with some wine and walked around just holding it so other folks would stop asking to sample their alcohol products.
My mind started racing and I kept thinking to myself even a sip could send me back to alcoholic purgatory.
My mind continued racing thinking about all the hell I'd been through with alcohol and how I could not possibly go back to that way of life anymore. I felt very conflicted because my wife is a normal social drinker and I wanted her to enjoy herself but my anxiety was approaching overload after a while.
Anyways thank goodness my lovely wife after seeing this was mostly an alcohol marketing event with very little food told me it would be fine with her if we left. I definitely took her up on that suggestion and gladly put down my untouched glass filled with wine and hightailed it out of there.
It turns out we were there for only about one hour but to me it felt like an eternity.
On the drive home I was proud of myself for not drinking but it also struck me that moving forward I am not to drink ever again and that very long drunken part of my past life is and has to remain in the past....And more importantly I was more than OK with that concept !
That was quite an experience because the old me would of sampled every booze in the place twice and not even give it a second thought(until the next morning) but the new me felt good about abstaining although I will admit it was a very funky hour.
Have a nice sober day everybody.

[Julliet]

Vic, your wife obviously loves you very much!! Congratulations on getting through the evening resisting, and bless you and your wife for the obvious love and respect you have for one another. This post is truly inspiring. Thank you!

[carol]

Vic, wow, to be in the presence of all that booze AND walk around with a glass of wine and never take a sip of any of that!! Woo hoo! And as Julliet says, the love and respect you and your wife show each other is touching. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Julliet, I'm glad to hear from you. How is everything going for you? I still think about the time you spent with that lonely old woman and what a gift you gave her. So beautiful.

I am finding myself emotional again, not as dramatic as when the emotions first started flooding back, but I find myself touched by little things, feeling happy or feeling a bit sad and melancholy. Frankly it's still somewhat uncomfortable for me to not just be able to stuff them down with booze, but I think this is what they call living. (smile)

[Ruth]

Vic, congratulations on being able to walk through that experience! It feels like the universe is testing us sometimes, doesn't it? One event that I was at last summer in Greece was all day long, hot as blazes, and included a lengthy sort of trick-or-treat type of musical parade through the village, where at each stop the householder would emerge with a six pack of beer for the musicians and friends (that would be us). They even offered my 12-year-old cold beers! This was followed by several hours of music at a restaurant, with the table literally a forest of full beer bottles (in Greece, everybody just fills their glasses from whatever bottle is close)- it was hard to get anyone's attention to bring soda! A dozen times I almost just said, f*@!k it and picked up a beer! Who would have noticed? My then 14-year-old daughter tells me she drank one and I sure didn't notice that! It was pretty hilarious on a certain level. The message I took from it was that the decision was and is mine, it is about me and what I want for myself. For each one of those difficult experiences I feel like I am being inoculated against the urge to drink.

On a different note, I have discovered tar cherry juice with soda, which is pretty in the glass and really is nice to drink with food that I might have had wine with in the past. GOod for gout, too!

[Vic]

Thank you everybody and I really appreciate your kind words.
Ruth you are one strong lady because I am not sure I could handle an all day boozefest right now. I spent 2 months mostly hammered in Greece many years ago so I know how freely the alcohol flows there.

This may sound odd but lately I am having a struggle with coffee. I was never a big coffee drinker when I was boozing but now that I have stopped I am endulging in it regularily. I have cut back on it and the sweets the past week but I still have 2 or 3 cups per day which I am starting to notice I now crave to the point it's becoming another addiction. Moreover I am also noticing it jacks me up too much and at night I am exhausted. The rub is I am a little worried to stop coffee completely because for whatever reason it seems to have become some sort of substitute for alcohol. This may sound silly but I'm concerned now that stopping the coffee might mark the return of craving alcohol. I'm thinking of going cold turkey on the coffee starting tomorrow.
Does anybody have any experience or insight into this ?

[carol]

Vic, going cold turkey on coffee will give you headaches and tiredness due to caffeine withdrawal, so I wouldn't. I used to drink a lot of coffee until it gave me the jitters. Now I drink one cup a day, and if I drink 2 it jacks me up too much, as you say. Some people are more sensitive than others. But sometimes I do have decaf on on top of the 1 cup of regular and that's ok.

Health wise there is nothing wrong with a cup of coffee, with some saying it's actually good for you.

I might suggest getting some decaf, for tomorrow having 1 to 1 1/2 cups of regular and fill in with decaf if you want, and get down to 1 cup a day over a few days. If you want off completely then after that do decaf a couple of days. You'll feel the tiredness but your brain will temporarily think you've had the caffeine so that helps.

Anyway, that's my experience with coffee.

[Samantha]

Hey Vic how is it going with the coffee withdrawal? I second what Carol says, just take it slow. And mix in some decaf. I dont know what the right amount of coffee is to drink but I have had the same experience as you sober. I have been really looking forward every morning to my coffee. Love all the variety and choices and am savoring it! I have about 2 cups a day. It used to be coffee was needed just to help me wake up and function from being hung over. Now I'm just enjoying it for the flavor since sober. I've had issues with sugar too. But I figure for now the coffee and sugar within reason are ok because it beats alcohol any day for me. And I am slowly working on my diet. Congrats on 100+ days Vic, Carol 6 months and Christy 5 months!

[Sally]

WOW - lot of milestones lately...truly amazing. Congrats Carol on 6 months - you rock!! Christy 5 months - wonderful and Vic - you are so strong staying the course...100 days well done!

Vic - I LOVE my coffee - but I think, like you, lately I have been drinking too much. Ditto to both Sam and Carol on the weaning off. I have noticed in the past that when I cut way back or don't drink it I get headaches - so good luck. You might want to consider switching to tea - green tea is supposed to be wonderful for you. My diet has been awful the past week. Lost 5 pounds but then put it all back on - well what did I expect having hot fudge sundaes for dinner lol.

I am really struggling with the time change - it is so dark here and I have no energy to do anything. Come home from work and just curl up with tv which I never did in the past. I am not getting anything done and I feel lousy. Need to start eating healthier, walking or exercising in some format. Been living on ice cream, chocolate, and my son's little bags of chips for his lunch lol - not a very healthy lifestyle lately. But the beauty of life is that each day is a new beginning - so just for today I will eat healthy, think positive, make my lists and start doing stuff.

Have a wonderful week everyone!! I am so proud of all of you and aspire to say one day that I have 3 months (again - lol) and 5 and 6 etc...am staying the course though - as Samantha always says "I don't drink anymore - just not an option!!"

[Vic]

Hi everybody,
Well I skipped 2 days of drinking coffee but decided to put off the cold turkey stop for now and will try to cut back as Carol suggested. Like you mentioned Samantha I really look forward to my coffee each morning and at this point I just feel I need at least one vice to maintain my sanity and coffee will be it for now. I tried tea Sally but it just doesn't appeal to me.
Beyond that things are getting better but it's still challenging unchartered territory. I suppose right now the biggest issue is dealing with everything that was put on the backburner for years while I was busy pickling myself. Now I have a tendency to want to fix everything right away but it just doesn't work that way. I am learning to practice patience and some days are easier than others.
I noticed while I didn't have coffee for a few days I was still somewhat nervous and jittery and was wondering if that has been a common experience for anybody else ? Maybe it's a function of facing life completely sober and head on for the first time in ages ?
Anyways a sober life is the only path now no matter what happens. I'm really glad to have SR to share this very interesting experience of rebirth. It's nice to know you are not alone on this journey.

[Christy]

Where is everyone? It's been a few days since anyone has posted on here. We still need to keep this forum going for some of us who have a little longer sobriety than some of the others. Let's keep it going. Relapse is only a moment away.
Sally, Vic, Carol, Samantha, and everyone else that posted here. How are you all doing this week?
Sally-the time change just takes time for us to adjust to it. I find early nights for relaxing a little easier and taking time to myself. I use it to bake a little and cooking more meals at home now instead of out of a take-out box from work. A little more nutricious too.
Vic-now that i'm sober it seems i want to "fix" things to fast too. I'm finding that being sober i'm able to have a little more patience with that now though.

[carol]

Christy, I'm still hanging in there, thanks for asking. I found myself at the grocery store late in the day due to other things going on earlier and was pleased, since my theme is freedom, that I am free to do that now without putting wine in the cart or worrying about it. I was a bit weepy looking at the "cuties" clementines which reminded me of my 85-year old mom, living alone out of town (but luckily has family visiting later this week for Thanksgiving and her birthday). I've talked before about emotions flooding back, but it occurred to me that maybe I'm an old softie who tears up at things like this and cries at sad movies, and that's how I used to be before I got all hard and drunk and jaded, and maybe that's ok.

Hope everyone is doing well.

[Samantha]

Thanks for the nudge Christy! I'm still hanging in too Carol. My moods are up and down but the depression is better without alcohol. I can see now how so many times I used alcohol to deal with the moods. But maybe like your saying Carol those moods are ok. Just a part of life. Good days and bad days. It will be interesting to see how my holidays go this year for the first time in many years without alcohol. I'm guessing it will be smoother and calmer without it! I'm just being cautious to remind myself daily as the holidays approach I can't drink and i don't really want to either.

Vic I m at the point too of being impatient. I want to fix mistakes I made from drinking right away. And I can't! So it's an adjustment for me to be patient and things will be ok in time. I just need to remember no matter what, don't drink.

Jeff how are you doing? Mairianna, Julliet?