1. #1

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    5 months sober - then relapse nightmare!

    I've been a heavy binge drinker for about 20 years now but really started trying to quit about 7 months ago. First time I went 2 months sober then a 2 day relapse. After that I started going to AA for the first time and had just managed 5 months sober but cracked on the friday night last week and had a heavy weekend session.

    I thought I was sober home and dry but couldn't make the year. I'm really determined to make it this time and feel so despairing of myself - just in a black self-dug mental hole right now due to my relapse - I just wish I was back on 5 months sober again!

    Back to AA next week and will be re-locating soon to get away from the temptations.

    How many relapses does it take to finally nail it?
    Last edited by Jesus; 06-26-2011 at 09:33 PM.

  2. #2
    Sally's Avatar
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    Jesus - sorry to hear about your relapse. It happens though, even when you least expect it. Alcohol is a very sneaky little bugger...lies in wait all the time. As for your question, "How many relapses does it take to finally nail it?" There is no definitive answer. Every day can be a challenge. My advise to you is to get a routine and try to stick with it - daily. Make a list of reasons why you don't want to drink and then when you have the urge, pull it out, dust it off, and remind yourself why you are trying to quit in the first place. If you can go 2 months, or 5 months without than in my book you are doing amazing and it should be possible to make this a lifetime thing. Good luck :]

  3. #3

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    Cool

    thanks for the reply,

    yes, I think I"m nearly there with quitting - my period of sobriety seems to be getting longer each time - I just can't handle drinking anything ever but after a while sobriety just gets so frustrating. I"m starting to take up Buddhism now and I hope this will help!

    I'm moving soon as well , partly due to work and I"m sure this will help as I'll be away from all my old haunts.
    'Doing a geographical' seems to often be dismissed as an unhelpful thing but this time I think it is the right play.

    8 days sober now.

  4. #4

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    Hey Jesus,

    This rollercoaster is not a fun one, and I give you all the credit for making it as long as you did both times - your commitment and being-tired-of-all-the-crap are both important. You can do this.

    As to moving as a way to get a fresh start - here are my two cents. Last year I was 6 weeks sober and moved because of work. I was excited to 'do a geographical' as I could present myself as a sober person - what happened was that I fell into a new crowd of heavy drinkers, and I found it easy to start over, just not in the positive sober way I originally intended. In making contacts with new friends/colleagues - I always did the 'hey, let's meet for coffee' (not drinks or a beer, as was my former m.o.), yet somehow it always ended up at a bar or someone's house (someone with a bottomless bar with more different kinds of booze than my little alcoholic brain could process).

    Now, I'm moving again for work - new place, new people, same old need to please others and make myself happy . . . this time I really am committed to changing the way I behave as a social creature. So, it is tempting to think that a change of location will automatically come with a new way to live sober - but all the same triggers are there and it is awkward/stressful to be the newbie (for me anyway) and not be the light of the party. Just be aware that there are strategies to get sober and stay sober, but there is no external get-out-of-alcoholism free card. Good luck on the move and congratulations on over a week sober!! Remember how good it felt not to be hungover, sick and tired and angry and guilty. Keep reaching for that.

  5. #5

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    Jesus....so from what I am reading you have relapsed twice in 7 months and those were a couple of days affair, correct?
    I think that is just amazing. Now you have over a week sober. Your practice runs at being sober have been pretty lengthy, I would call that amazing strength, commitment, and maybe more importantly SUCCESS!

    How many relapses does it take until we can finally take to nail it? No one knows, because it is such a personal journey. But just because it is personal, does not mean you have to make that journey alone. This forum is full of folks just like you, who have a wealth of love and support for others. Keep posting here and take advantage of that.

    Buddism and spirituality consiousness is helping me tremendously, as well as daily meditation and excercise. The daily excercises make me feel so good and energetic. The spiritual practice grounds me in the moment, helping me to not regret the past nor fear the future.

    All my best to you. You have inspried me today.

  6. #6

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    I'd say I feel back to normal at last - not sure what the move will bring and I guess it will have it's own stresses , not knowing anyone etc.. but I"m not so bothered about meeting too many new people these days and can happily avoid the usual social networking - although without any friends at all things could be hard.

    I am 40 years old now and as they say, 'life begins at 40' - the right time to do my first year sober!

    9 days sober now. (the third attempt)

  7. #7
    Sally's Avatar
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    Hey Jesus - love the Buddhist thing - I am a Buddhist - don't have a Sangha community as it is too far away from me, but I read alot, meditate daily. It is a wonderful thing to get into - and #1 is it promotes healthy living. Good luck with your move and your sobriety. You can do it - and only being 40 means you have many years of sober living to enjoy!! YEAH!!

  8. #8

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    The Buddhism will be all around me as I'm moving to Laos, in SE Asia - a Buddhist country.

    I'll see how things go there and just a bit of peace and serenity is what I need right now.

    Sylvane: I agree with the Love thing as alcohol just sets me into such a rage these days, hating the world etc.. it seems
    to take about 1 wk for that to die down.

    I know I'd rather drink bleach than alcohol now.

  9. #9

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    Jesus....very cool, moving to Laos. I understand that it is a very beautiful country. I hear Thailand and Vietnam are very nice as well. Perhaps you will get to do a little traveling while there. Please keep posting. I am excited to here about your travels, experiences, and your continuted sobriety.

    I was hating the world a few months back. I quit my job on a whim, and have been home since the end of February. It has given me a great opportunity to work on my own sobriety, and meditation and the teachings of the Buddha have been a big part of that. I am fortunate that I had saved up quite a nice nest egg to get me through, and as of today sounds like I will be back to work by the 1st of August. Gives me some more time to just be and get more days under my belt. I still hate some of the crap that goes on in the world, but since the only thing I can control is me, I have to let that crap go, and just focus on my own intentions.

    Glad you are here!

  10. #10

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    all fine so far, day 17 of my 3rd attempt at going at least 1 year sober and then hopefully indefinitely.
    I"m on the road at the moment (in Australia) so laying off the drink is easy enough as I'm having other new experiences - it's when I get back to the dull routine of work etc.. (which will be soon) that the hard times of staying sober will begin again. So far, so good though, one week at a time is my way of looking at it.

    Seem to be plenty of people drinking here, $10/pint - unbelievable really, what a waste of money!

  11. #11

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    Jesus, good for you! When I visited Australia, it seemed like there was a LOT of drinking going on, so great job on staying away from that. When you get home, routine and boredom can be great enablers for drinking. You've already had the experience of 5 months, so that's something you can build on. I'm only at 2 months, so I'm trying to make sure I continue to grow in recovery and not blow it. You've probably already read a lot of Patrick's articles, but here is one I'm reading now that you may find of use. Enjoy your visit to Australia, it's an amazing place!

    http://www.spiritualriver.com/6-thin...to-stay-sober/

  12. #12

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    yes, I've just got to carry on doing stuff , anything really , as my mistake last time was just carrying on as normal minus the drink - the boredom and frustration caught up with me at the 5 month stage though it became a struggle after only about 2. So new changes etc. are going to be my way forward now.

  13. #13

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    I am just over 6 months sober. This is the longest I have been sober in 30+ years. Having people in my life that are doing the deal is so important to me. Finding something or someone to connect with that provides a means of not feeling alone. I believe that the energy is within each of us and we need to learn and allow ourselves to tap into it for strength and calm. Hang in there Jesus.

  14. #14

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    Foundintheditch,
    Welcome. Come join us over on the how to stop drinking thread. Congrats on your 6 months. We would love to hear what you are doing to say on course. . I will hit three weeks tomorrow.

  15. #15

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    I am the 2 month stage now and it's easy enough staying sober at the moment.

    Just getting into some Pagan religious books this time - can hardly 'tune in' with nature though as I'm now living in a 3rd World capital city hell-hole (Phnom Penh) but at least can hide in my room and read without drinking!

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