How to stop drinking

[Millie]

Sylvane, I haven't even heard of it??? Good job staying sober in all that.

Grad, welcome. You are in right place. My recommendation for the weekendnis to tell folks you've decided to quit drinking for 30 days and stick with it. Early on, I found it uncomfortable at the drink ordering/getting stage when folks noticed I wasn't drinking, but after that they quickly forgot..

So just stick to your nonalcoholic bev. Of choice. Drink nonalcoholic beer if that helps.

Good luck. I think it is smart you are dealing with this now.

[Millie]

Frog, wow. Powerful story and incentive to stop!!

[_Erin_]

Frog - awesome post! I wish I'd been able to have a candid conversation about alcohol with my mom. Her dad was also an alcoholic, and he used to hit my grandma, and my mom's first marriage went much the same way. Anytime I asked my mom about any of the above, her reply was, "it was accepted back then, that's just how it was..."

My mom had a total of 8 brothers and sisters. Two of my uncles committed suicide, both into drugs and alcohol. My mom was and 3 of my other uncles are pretty heavy drinkers. I wonder what's different in the 2 aunts and 1 uncle that don't drink? I wonder the same thing with my own siblings - I would think I'm so hypersensitive to it because I was around it growing up. Took care of Mom, "hid" her problem, kept up appearances, etc. My older sister and brother weren't around much, but my little brother was, and he's pretty big into drinking right now. Mom's drinking bothered him as much as it did me! My sister is binging now and then, my older brother is who I'm concerned for most. He's just been relentless since Mom passed away. I almost get the feeling that they drink out of guilt.

I've already voiced my concern to them and let it go. I'm just blabbering. LOL Frog's post just made me stop and think for a minute. I definitely know alcoholism is a family disease, so I just wonder what makes one pick up a drink when another, in the same or similar situation, decides against it.

[grad2008]

Thank you everyone for your messages welcoming me to the forums. Back when I lived at home I was that happy go lucky drunk. Always out for a good time and always ready for a drink. No matter what.

I am going to have to stick to the 30 day plan. I want to commit to it. I believe it will be a step in the right direction. It all starts with that first step.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read my post and give me feedback! It is comforting to know that I am not the only one dealing with alcohol and the horrible effects it can have on your life and the lives of your family and friends.

I hope that I can help others with their journey as well as receive advice!

[Billy]

Wow, some really awesome post! It's been pretty crazy in my world for the last several weeks and I just finished all the post I've missed. Welcome to all the new members; a great group of people who all share the same journey and a big HEY to all my oldtimer friends. It's so great that you all our sharing your experienes even after some of you have made that great switch to the Sober Life. Thank you!

I have been doing well, thanks to those for asking after all this time, but I'm still yet to put that long streak together. When I get those 4 or 5 days under my belt, everytime, I get that feeling I can have a few, or I can control it now, or I deserve a couple, but you all no how that story goes. It's never one drink or one day and one just gets back in that vicious cycle again, and when you do go off, I usually go way over the edge, and then suffer for several days and just have a drink to get rid of the shakes and feel normal again. It s**ks bad! I truely believe what Patrick said...for it to work for me, it has to be zero tolerance if I want that Sober Life!

Well any hoo...wanted to share one story. I read with great appreciation of all the stories about family vacations and drinking. I, as I'm sure many of us all could, definetly relate. Several weeks ago just me and my 17 year old Son went to the Big Apple, New York City. I think the greatest city in the world. Some of the greatest bars and restaurants you can possibly imagine. Well on our train ride home, me and my son were talking and I said to him, you never said good job Dad for not drinking all week (which I didn't because I didn't want to leave him and sneak to the Hotel bar which was very tempting or ruin his or for that matter my trip). His reply as he looked at me with surprise that I even asked him was, you know how I ask you for a gift or some money when I make the honor roll at school you tell me well I expect you to make the honor roll, well I just expect you to be sober! That really hit home.

Good luck to everyone with their demons. You all will get to that better place just never quit trying to quit!! Peace

[Millie]

Billy, love your story. Thanks for sharing. Great to hear from you.

[BGustavsen]

Hi All. I read a few posts, but admittedly I don't have a great deal of time this morning to get all caught up. I did see some trials and a good number of continued successes. Sincere congratulations to all who stayed sober and still enjoyed their holiday weekend. For those who stumbled a bit, please keep your focus on the long term battle and get back into your groove. You will make it as long as you never quit quitting.

For me, it was overall a very good weekend. While there were some drinks involved, it was so much better than any labor day weekend in recent years.

Fri night: rode the bike to the park with family and friends. Let the kids play on the jungle gym, then had a quiet dinner with those friends. 2 beers (instead of 10 or so normally).

Sat: rode the bike about 15 miles on local trails, good workout and then went home. Spent time with the kids tinkering around the house and then went to a tailgate party for the first home game of the season. 5 beers total (again, would have normally been many, many more).

Sun: went to church with the wife (first time ever, really) and it was nice. Then, worked on the cars at home... changed oil etc. Had a couple NA beers. Then, went out for a very EXPENSIVE dinner with wife and friends. 3 beers at dinner (actually, didn't even want the third but it was ordered for me and I finished most of it).

Mon: rode the bike about 12 miles on local trails which I've never attempted before. Beautiful overcast day, and a great ride in the mountains. Got home, made carnitas tacos and I had purchased some beers for the wife to enjoy with dinner. I had 2 total.

So... this was not a dry weekend for me as I had hoped, and I knew it would be difficult with the holiday and whatnot going on. I do look at it though as a step in the right direction. As I mentioned, I have never (in my adult life) made any atempt to go to church, but I did enjoy it. I will be going more often. Also, I did spend a good deal of time outdoors reflecting on my situation and past decisions... as well as the ones I made this weekend. It was great to wake up every morning without a hangover, and have the energy and motivation to get out and tackle some fun physical challenges. I will focus this week on staying away from alcohol, maybe enjoying an NA beer here and there. I believe that next weekend should be pretty low key, and if I stay busy I'm thinking that I can actually get through without a 'drink'. I'm trying to focus on the small victories here... not being 'drunk' at all this past weekend was a great start.

[frog]

Thanks, Millie. Thanks, Erin, for your post too. How awful it must be to watch your loved ones do this to themselves. I'd like to go back and read your old posts to know more of your story. Maybe those who have a certain chemistry in their body makes them more susceptible to addiction. Alcoholism is definitely psychological and emotional too, but I wonder how much of it is physical. No excuse there, but to answer the question about why some family members have the problem and others don't. I'm so sorry that you had to help your mother through all of that. Here's to sobriety!

Billy, great story about your son. Nothing gets past these kids! Congrats to you for working on yourself. His response was precious and poignant.

Grad, good advice from Millie about the 30 days. I recently went on a trip with college friends, and they gave me a hard time about not drinking. I told them I was doing a "30-day challenge" and that was around Day 9. They said, "Couldn't you have started your challenge AFTER this weekend?!" But it worked out. They were respectful and I enjoyed watching them sweat out the alcohol on the beach the following day.

BGustavsen - great to hear about your weekend. Keep us posted.

I certainly am feeling very inspired by all of you and am excited about this journey. How annoying it is that at the beginning, you do get excited about quitting and then as time passes and life hits and your body detoxes, your enthusiasm disappears. And you expect to feel amazing but you don't always feel so great. So thank you to all of the posters who are telling us about the awesome benefits of quitting. And thank you to everyone who is sharing their struggles - it reminds us to be vigilant and remember how sh**ty it feels. Demons, OUT!

[kevin2]

Hi all,...great reading through everyone's posts. I wish I could respond to all of them. We had a great Labor Day weekend in the Smokey Mountains,...hiking, riding horses, a day on the lake Saturday,...it was all good and the kids had a blast. I did do some beer drinking but like BGustavsen (without all of the biking),...did a much better job than usual of limiting my amount,...and it really paid off. Something was different and I attribute it to this forum. I thought about my own posts, Vic's and many others and it really seemed to keep me conscious of staying in control of what I was doing. I'm not there yet,...but I am so proud of and happy for all of you that are really going at this thing full force,...it's definitly inspiring to those of us still sqirming. I love the phrase I've read a few times here today,.."never quit quitting". Again, thanks for being here folks!

...and welcome aboard Grad,...stay with us. You will find it to be a huge help.

[grad2008]

It has already been a huge help. I have been consumed with this thought that I am alone in this fight. I think it is because I have always known that I have had a problem but been to scared or not ready to admit it and say enough is enough if I don't get a hold of this now it will begin to define me as a person. And that is something that I do not want.

It is good to have somewhere that you can be completely honest. Because as I sit here and type away all these feelings are coming up. Why do I drink? Why can't I control it like other people? Do I really want to stop drinking or is this just a fad as it has been before?

All these things start to come up when you really sit down and start thinking about your addiction and what it has done to you. In my case, I have always scrapped by after my binges. It is almost like the moral hangover lasts for about a week and then it goes away. Everything back to normal. But not this time. I want a permanent change this time. Hopefully this is the first part in a much longer story!

[anna]

Hi everyone. Wow, lots to catch up on. I'm grateful to be able to come here and read everyone's encouragement and advice and successes as well as slip-ups - we're all human. Hang in there.

Grad - I just found this place too. This is my 3rd day sober (since Saturday). I'm in my 20s too and while I have been lucky enough not to have to deal with the police I was definitely getting to the point where I was seriously starting to damage some relationships when I was drinking. Just being mean and generally not acting like my sober self at all. I'm also a little unsure about a trip I have planned home later this month (1600 miles away!) with friends I haven't seen since last winter so would love to hear anyone's advice in that regard. A wedding is involved also.

After feeling fine yesterday, albeit a little bored hanging out by myself all day, I woke up with a pounding headache today. I've been drinking tons of water and taking vitamins. I've been sleeping more than usual (9 or 10 hours instead of 6 or 7). I suppose I'm just adjusting. Laying low today. Day 3.

[anna]

I was thinking about it and the last time I can remember not having a drink for more than a day or two was last winter when I had the flu for a week, and who knows when before that. Point being, the only reason I stopped for even that long was because I had a raging high fever and was sick constantly and couldn't walk let alone drive anywhere. This is better.

So it seems a little silly but I'm happy about even making it to day 3.

[grad2008]

Anna, I am sure the same things are running through your mind.... What will my friends think if I don't drink? Will I still have a good time without the drinking?

Honestly, I can only have a plan and see what happens on my trip. I am going about 1500 miles too! I am going to say that I am on a 30 day No drinking program. If they really are my friends then they will understand and support me. If the only thing I have in common with them is booze then maybe I need to re-evaluate my friendships in life.

So 3 days is great! Hang in there! You have more days in a row than I do!

[kevin2]

I was thinking about it and the last time I can remember not having a drink for more than a day or two was last winter when I had the flu for a week, and who knows when before that. Point being, the only reason I stopped for even that long was because I had a raging high fever and was sick constantly and couldn't walk let alone drive anywhere. This is better.

So it seems a little silly but I'm happy about even making it to day 3.

Not silly at all Anna,..and congratulations! It's all about the small victories,...one day at a time. As young as you are,..you will do great, and if you care enough to be here,...I KNOW you can do it! When I was in my 20s, quitting never crossed my mind,..I was invincible.

[olivia]

Hi all....I found this site over the weekend and it's been a great help. I've been 'quitting' or 'trying to quit' the past couple years (with some success for a few months here and there) but I have absolutely had enough. I have not been gainfully employed for 2 years. Technically I held a job on paper but it was as a substitute so I never really had to work. I have been hired and then promptly quit several jobs because I can't even function in the real world anymore. I didn't bother showing up to a job I was hired for today and I am disgusted with myself. I can't live like this anymore. I rarely get dressed and lay around in my pajamas all day drinking and playing around on the computer. It's pathetic and I honestly don't know how or why my husband puts up with it. To make it even worse we used to both drink heavily together but he had to quit for health reasons...so I still drink around him, which is beyond selfish.Luckily he is at work in the afternoon/evenings so he doesn't see the majority of it. I am glad I am able to write this down so I can try and hold myself accountable. My life has been all about alcohol the past couple of years and I am a virtual shut in. I will be turning 33 next month and I have wasted so much time and energy on wine and I am ready to try and get my life back.

[Sally]

Welcome Olivia - you are in the right place to get your life back :] This forum is a wonderful way to be totally honest and get the support you need. Start by reading some of Patrick's wonderful articles, read the previous posts - I am sure you will find your story somewhere there, and make a plan to quit. Baby steps...take the 30 day challenge and go from there. I am coming up on 3 months sober and am amazed at the changes in my life and the freedom that I have found - all because of this site!! You can do it too. Good luck!!

[bdog]

welcome Oliva,

I too have wasted the last couple of years locking myself away from the world. Its a bad mousetrap and its not living but it happens. I have been doing better thru the week but when the weekend comes i just stop and start ruining my weekend and it hurts a day or two into the week. mostly mentally because I cant believe i gave myself permission to drink. I have been reading and learning from everyone on this site and im sure it is making a difference. new ideas, and plans. keep quitting. it has been raining hard here for two days yesterday was bad very depressing and i was up every hour on the hour last night. tonight i walked for over a hour and will not drink. sleep is one of my most precious things and unfortunetly i dont get good sleep until i havent drank for a couple of days. Thanks for listening everyone. im getting tired finally!

[rosella]

I've been telling people that I'm having a Sober September and that's been keeping them of my back. It's crazy that you have to justify not drinking to everyone.
Welcome Grad. I think one of the good things about this forum is that it does make you think about and question your drinking and I guess that's all part of the process. Posts from others bring up memories or issues that we have to deal with also. Being here has made all the difference to me and my 19 days of sobriety!
I've been thinking of a few people I know who are extremely heavy drinkers yet they have no intention of trying to give up. Two in particular have ruined relationships with their family and loved ones and are terribly lonely and depressed, their only friend being alcohol. I feel so sorry for them because I can never see them finding a way out. At least we here are trying to make a stance against alcohol to better the our own lives and the lives of those around us. I'm so glad I've made this first step.
Stay strong all!!
PS I haven't workied out how to use the smiley faces!!

[Ruth]

Welcome Grad and Olivia- the fact that you are here means that you have recognized that your life is not improved by alcohol, no matter how many times we think that it will make us happier, etc. It is tough to stick it out but totally worth it on so many levels. Many of us have similar stories, have done the same stupid and dangerous things, and we are probably the people you walk by in the super market! I wish I had figured it out when I was your age, Olivia (I am 51 now and just finished 90 days) but I can tell you that I had my first epiphany before I was 30, waking up in a cold sweat thinking with chilling certainty that alcohol was going to kill me. Anyway, someone smart once said that you don't have an alcohol problem if you don't drink it! For me, in the earlier days it was important to have a plan, and to wake up each day and promise myself that I would not drink that day, NO MATTER WHAT! We are all here with support and advice, so say what you need to and ask for help.

And Sylvane, you sound great! Good to hear from you!

[olivia]

Thank you for the kind words Bill, Sally, Dragonfly, Bdog, Rosella, Ruth (and hopefully I didn't forget anyone)...I am wide awake with insomnia right now but happy I didn't need 2 bottles (or 3 I should face it) of wine to deal...I have had to do a medical detox before (more than a few times) so I am ready to do that if need be. Right now I am just excited that there are people who are supportive with great ideas here. For full disclosure I did have two glasses of wine tonight ( I have had horrible withdrawal experiences from the past) but I hope to be completely alcohol free in the next day or two. I have already promised(my husband)if I can't do it on my own I will go through our insurance to get detox meds....the only reason I didn't contact them first is that I usually panic more in the ER. I have had some of the worst panic attacks in the ER (pulse 190 thinking I was going to die) as opposed to the sweaty, uncomfortable home detox. I am rambling but thank you everyone who has posted because I read the posts and they help me make it through another second. Seriously, I am jealous of the one day at a time people...I still have to stop my cravings/urges by the hour/second.