Hey Mel! Congrats and how exciting. Wisconsin has easy access as I recall but lots of sober folk too. You will be fine. Congrats on the new job and move.
Mel, congrats on the move and on over 60 days! am glad if I had some small part to play in helping. It's funny to hear that a comment I made re: the 30 day trial was helpful since I was such a chicken I wasn't willing to commit to it until I was 3/4 of the way there!
I hear you on the stores with booze; CA is the same, there's even booze at Target. The other day I went out around 5:30 for a quick trip to the market. That used to be when I'd get my wine for the night, and I have been avoiding any trips late in the day. I was happy I wouldn't be buying booze, walked right past the wine section in the market without really noticing it, then Bam! A free vodka promotion, where they were apparently giving away free small bottles (looked like about the equivalent of 2 airline bottles). Shocked, I just said "not interested" and quickly walked away. I moved quickly enough I don't even know if I was tempted, but I was definitely shocked and unprepared, and if I weren't so far along that would have absolutely triggered a relapse!
Sylvane, I am so proud of you! I know that the path to 55 days for you hasn't been easy. I am happy that you have enough clear-headedness that you can start to see what was driving you, even though it sounds unpleasant and painful. Here's a prayer to you to find some resolution, solace and serenity about those things that happened in your past, so they can stop driving and haunting you. Good job.
Millie I've been thinking about your question as to what worked for me. Reading other people's posts and Patrick's articles before I stopped is #1, then posting what was happening with me. To see myself in other people's posts was so important, both the agony and the hope. Then after I started posting and tried to stop, then relapsed, there was a no excuses article that Patrick wrote that introduced me to "zero tolerance" - NO romanticizing the fun times that I thought I had. I tried to use it whenever the idea of drinking hit (at that point many times a day). Even more important than that though was making quitting drinking my #1 priority, over and above everything else. I tried to be nice to myself. If something didn't absolutely have to be done and I didn't want to do it, I didn't. If I wanted to eat ice cream, I ate it. Anything that made me want to drink I just stopped doing. I figured I could always do it later and if stuff was important enough it would come back and remind me to do it. But one of the things I used booze for was to help me gut through things I didn't want to do. It might have been healthier to do them anyway without drinking, but what worked for me was saying I had to put myself first and the stuff could wait.
I want to add to what Billy posted earlier. For people who are struggling and so don't post, PLEASE POST! I needed to be able to be honest about how much I was drinking and what it was doing to me. I needed that mirror held to my face as to what alcohol does to us if we drink, seeing myself in other people's posts and hopefully helping someone see themselves in my posts. I needed to be able to say here that I drank and felt like crap and felt like a failure and have y'all tell me to pick myself up and try again. If I had waited to post until I had successfully stopped, I'd still be drinking.
Mel, I am glad move is going smoothly...
Happy the move when well Mel.
Vic, good job to you too.
Carol..100 days is wonderful! Congratulations to you.
Bill, badger, Ryan great job with 30 days I will hit 30 tomorrow with Millie and Mairianna and cannot believe it. I did think about drinking today out of the blue and smelled red wine out of thin air again. But I am really trying to stick to a sober life style this time.
Mairianna and Cathy I relate some to your experiences with your husbands. I know I have turned to alcohol to deal with my emotions in the past. Drinking made dealing with my relationship easier. Now that I have been sober close to 30 days I am beginning to see things differently. It is a long road and not an easy one but it is so much better to deal with it sober. Drinking made me so weak mentally, as well as physically, so I never felt confident in my feelings and decissions. Good luck to all those struggling with relationships. We are not alone and need to stay focused on not drinking. I am rambling now..sorry.
Good luck to all!
I am glad you are back. Please pour that bottle out!!!
You can do this!!! I do think you are right that reading and posting here makes a big difference.
Sam, welcome back, this is where you need to be to get you through. Well done not touching the booze, have you tossed it out?
If it wasnt for the support on the forum I would not have reached 30 days today, I really couldn't have believed it when I made the decision, the day I joined. The first week was so hard but I persevered and here I am and you can do it too Sam. That fleeting time when you feel better is not worth the destruction of your life and that of your family. Go for it!
Casey and Millie - we did it!! Well done guys. We're supposed to be allowed to have a drink if we want to and I hope (I know) you wont want to. Lets go for 60! Thanks for being there and to everyone else too who has listened to my rants and helped me through x
I just read carol's last post. Her post and my earlier post to Mel must have crossed paths. She and Billy both made a great case for why posting during good times and bad is so important. It also helps to go back and read all the old posts. It has helped me to read how much the folks that now have 60, 90, 100 plus days struggled and relapsed in the beginning. Sam, even though you deleted all your old posts, all the other old posts can still be a big help. Mosts folks on here have said they relapsed many times before they were finally able to make quitting stick and initially they were not absolutely convinced they could do it..just knew that they were ready to fight like hell.
Mairianna and Casey, congrats on 30. I think I may go get my nails done today to celebrate. Now it is time to push for 60. Sam, you will be right there with us next month, celebrating your day 31! We can do it!!!
P.s. I have no idea why I am up in the middle of the night tonight.. I just posted recently about how much better I was sleeping. Lol.
Last edited by Millie; 08-17-2011 at 01:44 AM.
Sam, one more thing. We started a 30 day challenge thread under water cooler and have just started an exercise challenge. I started yesterday,but many folks are starting today. Come join us!!!
Sam, where are you? I don't know my time zones.
Hi Sam!! I am so gald you are back and look forward to your future post!!
In 30, 60, 90 days, you will be able to look back on that post to remind yourself how far you've come.. Make a vow to yourself for zero tolerance for 30 days!!! You can do it!!!
Sam, that ia AWESOME! To have the bottle in front of you and toss it - WOW! Now you will always have that moment to think of when the thought comes up to have another drink. You know you can say NO! I am so glad for you! Millie, I love the 30 day trial but I was not able to sign up even for the 30 days of not drinking and had to let myself do nothing in order to succeed. For others like Samantha the 30 day trial was just what she needed, and many people like Patrick have found exercise to be a key element in not drinking. What I love about this forum is there's no one-size-fits-all, so Sam, you do what feels right to you. Again, great job!
DragonflyF15, I know you are making progress, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Are you keeping a calendar with hearts or "free" or whatever so you can see how much sober time you are accumulating? You started to put yourself first, and I'm willing to bet when you took that first drink you put yourself DOWN, not first, and then had that drink. You have the ability to go for days without drinking, then start. What's your trigger? For me it was the voice telling me I was doing good not drinking so it was ok to drink, or telling me I needed the oblivion, or screaming at me to drink as the alcohol was leaving my system. Try to figure out what gets you going and have a contingency plan ready. Since you are able to go for awhile without drinking it seems to me like the need to drink will hit like a ton of bricks, and you need to have a plan ready. Just my two cents though. I'm glad you are hanging in there. To quote Sally and others, NEVER GIVE UP!
casey, Millie & Mairianna congratulations on 30 days today!! Hip, hip, hooray!!
Very wise and powerful posts again today, I very much enjoyed reading them.
Casey- I can really relate to your post about turning to alcohol to deal with emotions and how doing so actually makes us weak mentally,physically with very low confidence. I have been on that not so merry-go-round so many times.
Very grateful to be sober again today.
This time around my sobriety feels different than previous attempts. It's like all the other "false starts" have been a dry run (pun intended) for this "real start". I am very aware of all my triggers and potential trap doors at this point and how easily sobriety can slip away if I get too comfortable and confident. Not to mention the HUGE price I now pay and the constant progression of my disease with each relapse. It's very scary now knowing that in my case another relapse is one step closer to the point of no return. As I have said the last binge took everything I had to pull myself back to dry land....Shook me to my very core.
However, while my 1000 slips in the past were very painful and took a little piece of my soul each time it has rooted me deeper into reality and away from delusions more than ever.
That being said I am not getting ahead of myself this time and plan on only focusing on getting through another 24hrs.
Hang in there gang and lets be free of alcohol today.
Wow......just read back through the last 2 days and am blown away. I have to make a long story short. Yesterday....mid afternoon I bought 1/2 pint of vodka (usually 2 airport size bottles will do me)....but hubby was going to hook up someone's new surround sound tv and computer system, and I knew I could drink (if I wanted to) while he was gone. One thing after another held up the whole process. Daughter and grandkids stopped over to get some corn out of garden...... dinner to make and eat..........hubby wanted to spend time with me on a project we've been working on.....etc....then at 8:00 he confirms that yes he's still needed elsewhere.
I didn't want that booze by the time he left. I was hugely relieved knowing that he would come home and realize that I was still sober (he always inhales my breath hoping against hope) that I won't be intoxicated. Here's where it gets weird........I actually thought last night that come morning I would still have all this resolve and happily dump that bottle down the drain. Not so..............I flirted with it several times, asking myself WTF!!! How can I go from strong resolve one day to complete indecision and paralysis the next. I'm not a morning drinker usually (maybe once every 3 or 4 mos. I'll drink in the morning.
Ok.......here's the outcome. I couldn't make myself dump that stupid bottle down the drain without taking 3 drinks.....by the 3rd sip I had pronounced "if I can dump more than I drink......then I'm still moving forward. So down the drain it went. Usually if I consume 1/2 pint......I'd go get another one......end up losing it/hiding it......then freaking out later that I'll bump into it when I don't want to.
So yeah.....I'm somewhat intoxicated at the moment, and disgusted beyond belief. I keep wondering.....will I ever get to the point of some of you guys. Where you realize.....Hey!! I just don't want that? If the want it would just die............
Hi everyone - and welcome back to Sam! Having that bottle in front of you and not drinking it, is really really amazing. Just keep that in mind, the power you had over that moment. Congrats on all the milestones, short middle and long - they all count.
I've been thinking about what Cathy just mentioned - this hoped-for 'magic bullet' moment when my cravings will stop, and I think for some when they get into longer term recovery that can happen. But I was just reading about Kristen Davis (actress that was on Sex and the City) - she is a recovering alcoholic and in an interview with a British newspaper some years ago, she mentioned that even after 15 years of not-drinking she still has cravings. Esp. as wherever she goes people buy her Cosmos (the signature drink of the show). I've come to the conclusion that, for me, at least these craving might lessen in intensity, but will always be there and I have to be strong enough to say 'no' and be prepared to walk away or act weird or protect myself anyway possible. And that sucks, but if that is my reality - then I have to take responsibility for it, whatever happens.
Hi Dragonfly, Sam and the rest who've mentioned me in your posts. Dragonfly......day 0 for me, 1 for you, and 2 for Sam. I wanted to start my day 1 this morning after I dumped 2/3rds of the vodka! But no can do. I blew it and I knew it! Sam you are so right about the way our minds work. I was so sure that this morning I could take that unopened bottle out of hiding and dump it down the sink. But I felt like a paralytic the moment I had it in my hands. I just stood there staring at it.....and then the mental acrobatics began. Even though I am grateful I poured it out before I got "wasted" I'm still very dissapointed that I caved so easily! grrrrrr.....
By the time dh (dear hubby) got home from work, I was "Ok" outwordly again, but still feeling like shit inwardly. So........(sigh).........back to day 1 tomorrow. I'm going to Lake Michigan with a couple of the grandkids. One of my daughters and son-in-law rented a cottage right on the lake for the week. It's supposed to be a beautiful warm sunny day. On day 2 Friday I'm out of here at 7am to another city with my oldest daughter for more fertility treatments. So I'm feeling relatively safe for awhile cuz I always drink alone! How sick is that??? Anyway for everyone really struggling to get some significant time behind you, I'm with you! Keep fighting the good fight! Keep running the good race! Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? I DO!!
Dragonfly, Cathy, and Sam-I'm sorry you are struggling right now, I am glad you are posting, ((hugs))
I am on Day 12! Celebrating my anniversary tomorrow, going out to a nice dinner. Then dinner, cake, and a movie with my girls for my daughter's 6th bday on Friday, then my parents are coming into town on Sunday for my bday, going to bbq for dinner. Saturday I want to do something with the family, picnic probably. So it should be a good few days,just going to relax and enjoy my family and just being and being in the moment.
Keep fighting that demon and never give up!
Sam, Cathy, Dragonfly, I'm on Day 1 again today and starting over again too. I wasn't going to bother posting today feeling so humiliated and such a failure. Then I see your brave enough to admit where your at so so will I. I"m finding when the urge comes up I don't have the energy to fight it. I know what i'm doing isn't helping but one side of my mind is ibsisting it does. I see some of the posts talking about hiding the evidence. I've been doing the same- hiding the bottles in the recycling bin, taking the empties to another bin, going to different botttle shops. It's all got to stop, this is not who I want to be. I can't believe how this has got a hold on me. Good luck to you guys, lets help each other through this xx
Hi Rosella, I'm sitting here at my kitchen table eating a late dinner. I baked some fresh garden acorn squash with butter and brown sugar in one half and butter, chedder cheese, salt and pepper in the other! Ohhhh my goodness....it's so GOOD!!
Yes Rosella, it was humiliating for me to post this morning because this was supposed to be day 4. Last week I blew it on day 8! Well 7 days is the longest I've been sober in 5 yrs. So when I take a good hard look at it....I AM doing better this month than ever before! So along with all of you encouraging me, I was able to get back into the right mindset rather quickly. I keep thinking "Oh dear Lord, if I don't get a handle on this now......at this time in my life......I may never get another chance! I'm so fortunate that I haven't killed somebody on the road, or myself for that matter. I've somehow been spared the humiliation of a DUI, and many health issues. So anyway....gotta go......talk soon.