im still alive, thanks for caring billy. i havent had a sober day since i can remember. i figure ill mostly stay away till i can get myself under control.
Connor1a congrats on 15 days! Thats huge. Millie Casey and Mairianna congrats on 26! Nicolelee 8, Vic 17, Badger and Ryan 29? and Sally is away but CONGRATS on 60!! I hope I didnt leave anyone out. I'm about 3 1/2 months into this and for those of you who are tired it does go away. It took me about 3 to 4 weeks or so to get rid of the alcohol fatigue and to feel normal physically. Its a good thing to be tired as it means your body is taking energy to repair itself. I dont know about some of you almost at 30 days if you feel like you are in a brain fog. I had that until honestly maybe 2 weeks ago. The fog seems to have lifted and I can figure out left is left and right is right etc...I was really worried about by my confusion for awhile. My memory is still not great but...at least I can recall short term alot better.
Justin I'm glad you are back here as everyone has asked about you and was concerned. Sending you an email.
The forum was down for awhile so its great to be hearing from everyone. Dragonfly and Julliet how are you doing as you have been quiet for awhile.
Ryan and Badger tomorrow I think is day 30 for you!
Oh, Justin, I am so glad to hear from you. I am sad that it has been so hard for you but heartened that you checked in. That means to me that you haven't given up! Please know that it's ok to check in and let us know how you are doing even if you are still struggling. There are a lot of us who care about you and worry about you. I know that you do want to be free and pray that you will find a path forward that works for you.
Connor, it sounds like you may want to be extra careful to eat consistently, and maybe try having a snack around 1430 or 1500 with both some protein and carbs in it. I'm neither a doctor nor nutritionist but it sounds like you're having some hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) moments that may be contributing to your tiredness. Mid-afternoon is a classic time for low blood sugar. Congrats on continuing to not drink!
Millie, nicolelee, Ryan, Badger, Marianna, casey, and so many others, congratulations! Keep it going.
Ruth, nice to hear from you and that you are doing so well in the middle of a drinking culture.
Billy, I think you're getting some traction. Come say hi when you feel like it.
Dragonfly, how are you? What about you Sam? Sending good thoughts to both of you.
peterpinot, good that you are continuing to post even though you haven't been able to stop yet, I hope you're noticing your triggers and perhaps making a plan to quit. I had a random thought that maybe you could change your name to "peternopinot" when you're ready, but I may be interpreting "pinot" wrong and of course it's none of my business what any of us call ourselves! Most important is that you are HERE! Good luck!
I SO missed this forum while it was down! Hi to everyone else I haven't mentioned by name.
Connor- congrats on day 15! Day 9 for me today! Woot!!! I made it thru a complete fri and sat!!!
I want to thank those who encouraged me to not give up. I'm not giving up, and will pick myself back up if I crash and burn again. Me and my hubby (bad grammer I know)...... have both had some deep seated resentments toward each other for quite a long time now, and this morning we both committed to each other to actively work on our problems. This came on the heels of me completely blowing a gasket this week-end, throwing up my arms and asking him which one of us is going to move out. It wasn't a ploy.....it was the real deal......I came to a point where I felt like I just couldn't do us anymore, with all the issues boiling beneath the surface. Well it got his attention and he initiated the communication (very unlike him).......to us getting damn serious about repairing our problems before it's too late. So.....I'm very encouraged that perhaps this was the hump I had to get over. Time will tell....but it feels right.
Feeling great last week on Day 6 and Friday night came along! Had cravings all day but resisted, went to my work meeting and resisted! My ex had the kids while I was at the meeting and rang during and said he was taking the kids to our local tavern (kid friendly) and said I could pick them up there. When I went in he asked if I wanted a beer and "yes" popped out of my mouth!! I only had half because the kids were tired, but I stopped off to get a few more beers for home, then wine on Saturday and Sunday nights. So that's all it took. One stupid yes. I hadn't prepared myself enough and now I feel like an utter failure. So many of you are doing so well and I'm just so pissed off with myself now. It's amazing what that little alcoholic voice is capable of. It conjures up so many excuses as to why I should be drinking. And like you Ryan I smoke cigarettes when I drink. I never do one without the other- they go hand in hand with me. So not only do I feel headachy in the mornings, my lungs feel so heavy. And Peter, I know what it's like vowing in the morning not to do it again but the craving creeps up as the day goes on. I couldn't count the number of cigarette packets and dregs of wine of got rid of in yhe morning only to regret it come 5 o'clock.
Good luck to everyone and congrats to you that have made it so far
So here I am, once again, Day 1, vowing to stay sober. not feeling as confident as previous attemptsbut more than willing.
Hi all! Justin and Billy good to hear from both of you, and Rosella - don't beat yourself up too hard, this isn't easy and we all have situations that make slipping into old patterns too easy.
Today was a big travel day - and it started off with a crystal clear reminder of why I need to stay sober. While waiting to check my bags, there were two middle aged women in front of me, both absolutely reeking of vodka. I figured they had to be together - they were not. It was 6:40 am. They were happy drunks and friendly, but terrifying - because I know that I have been that person in the not too distant past.
Tough week ahead. I hate moving and unpacking and meeting new people - and this week will be filled with all of that.
Hi everyone. Thank you nicolelee and good job to you too.
Rosella you are at day 1 and you are willing and that is great.
Justin it is good to see you here again. I think you began posting back in May when I began. I also took a break from the forum because I started binging over and over again and I just couldn't do it. You are back so that is a good sign. Please keep posting and don't give up on yourself.
Peter I hope you are feeling better. I gasped when I read that you drank with a fever. I did that myself this winter and remember thinking, after I did it of course, that I really was becoming out of control. I am hoping the best for you.
Cathy I am sending postive thoughts your way. I hope it works out for you and your husband. It isn't easy but you come first.
Good luck to all!
Mel, just read your post. You can do this. You know everyone here will be wishing you well.
It is great for me to continue to hear of the progress we are all making; truly very empowering to continue to hear from all of you. I have to say, I have not been checking the forum as much as I used to during my first few weeks, but it really is nice to come back here and read about the path we are all on, our ups and our downs and struggles and successes. I feel a connectedness to many of the names/lives/struggles on here, I truly do, even if it is in the form of an internet forum. We are all fighting the same fight regardless of age, zip code, marital status, and so forth. Ryan, I hope you are hanging in there also, 30 days for us tomorrow. Congrats.
Cathy, my husband and I were really horrible to each other yesterday. I wanted to walk out last night but I cant do that to the kids, he's a good father. We also have deep resentments which have built up over the years. I believe I was getting by before by drinking. Not sure what to do, I really dont like him just now. I WONT drink but feeling crap.
Maybe we'll get to sit down and talk about it like you two but at the moment we cant even look at each other.
On the BIG plus side I'm at 4 weeks today, cant believe it, usually after such a mammoth fight I would have drowned my sorrows but no, I really dont want to drink.
Well done Ryan and Badger on 30 days.
For those struggling, Peter, Rosella, Justin, keep checking in here and write down your thoughts. Hope we can all help you to get sober.
Week 2 Dragonfly, that's fantastic!
Week 4 hurray. Congrats to all meeting milestones today. Ryan and badger, 30 days..awesome.
Miarianna, I am so sorry to hear that you and husband are not getting along. If you really can't talk to him about it, you may try just focusing on what you can do. Try to be nicer, more patient to him. Hold your tongue when you would normally nag or snip. Let his rudeness or attempts to hurt your feelings roll off your back and do not react. Compliment him out of the blue, etc. Do it without him knowing that you are purposefully making the effort. You may be surprised at his reaction... It can't hurt. I am excited you, Casey and I have made it 4 weeks. The biggest benefit I have seen so far is that I am sleeping so much better....I sleep soundly and dream. When I was drinking, I never slept well. I used to just tell folks that I was a terrible sleeper.. I never put the dots together that the bottle or so of wine might be the reason. Lol.
Cathy, good for you on your new commitment with your husband. I think this will help you relax and focus on your sobriety..
Thanks Millie, he has a depression/anxiety problem which stems from losing his father in his teens. I think what has happened is that every thing is so clear to me now, I had been putting up with his moods and consoling myself with alcohol, and now I'm looking at life anew. I need to back off like you say and be a bit kinder. Because of the depression he tends to not do much and that is beginning to iritate me more now that I'm not drinking. I'll need to not nag and focus on just getting on with things. Thanks
Thanks for your support in reaching 28 days, you too Casey.
Day 19 -
Hi everybody and congrats to all who are stringing together more and more alcohol free days in a row...Very inspiring.
Had my first alcohol drink(s) (and drunk ) 30 years ago today !....Wow....That's a lot of wasted hungover years and the scary part is it went by so fast.
Anyways, working on another sober 24hrs and trying like heck to avoid the "pink cloud" syndrome thats rained on my sobriety so many times in the past.
Keep up the good work gang and let's not drink today no matter what.
Vic, congrats to you too. Don't even think of touching it. It is not worth it . I am feeling better and better every day. I am proud of myself, too, and boy is that a great feeling.
Dragonfly, you are so right. We can only deal with ourselves, and our own attitudes. It is true, though, that bad moodsvare catching, so we need to recognize that and get out of way, if necessary...
Miarianna, keep me updated and see if it helps.. I plan to try and follow my own advice, too!!!
Last edited by Millie; 08-15-2011 at 08:47 AM.
I know you can do it!!! It is soooo worth it. Just imagine a skull and crossbones on the stuff with a big POISON warning!
Marriana......Sounds like my man and yours could be brothers (raised by the same mother.....lol....) I'm just trying to lighten it up a little bit! Really though, I think me and Eric have fallen in and out of love multiple times. Despite the BIG talk we had yesterday morning, I find myself not really trusting that he'll get as serious as he said he would. A lot of false starts and passifying words in the past that never really panned out with results. I know I can talk about this here because nobody knows us, and no shame publicly for either one of us. So just a little background so it doesn't sound like I'm just expecting him to change and fix everything........I married this man 15 yrs. ago this December. Just a few short weeks into our marriage I found several VHS tapes with some hardcore pornagraphy amongst his things and was devastated. Well in my ignorance and new blossoming love, I believed him when he said that a lot of his brother's things got mixed up with his when his brother was living with him. So he trashed them and was so cool and confident about the whole thing that it came as such a relief that "I was mistaken about the whole thing" About a yr and half later.....out of curiousity I popped one of his DVD's into my computer, and it was more porn. Which I think subconciously I was starting to suspect something because of his increasing lack of sexual desire. So needless to say.....I was doubly devastated and ready to walk out way back then. I know that for some gals porn is no big deal.......but to me it's like being cheated on. It's like a betrayal. So that was a hard time for us, because he had to work real hard to build up my trust for him again. Well in the following few years I did regain my trust and I did think he was being honest with me about "giving up" the porn. But it was later when I learned that it was a gut wrenching addiction, like alcohol, which I hadn't turned to yet. So ultimately I learned how to dig deeper into the hardrive of the computer and figured out how to "open" multiple layers of data and found so much porn that I could hardly believe my eyes. For people who think that pornagraphy is no big deal......I'm here to tell you that that's a lie. It's insidious and cunning, and erodes the very core of a love relationship. So this is one of those subjects that you don't just share with family and close friends, because it's degrading and shameful and can completely ruin someone's reputation. Well I began drinking alcohol (I believe) to block out that pain. Initially I was so relieved by the numbing that I couldn't wait to get home from work, get intoxicated and be able to act like things were normal. I also want to say that by this point he was learning how to block my access to everything below the surface of his computer, so in recent years I just plain gave up looking. So as my use of alcohol spiraled out of control, our relationship took on a new face. Now it was my fault, because of my drinking, that we couldn't get along, and were always nit picking at each other, and at times I couldn't even stand to lay next to him in the same bed, so would go out to the livingroom reclyner to sleep. Ok.........now with all that said, it sounds like we should just hang it up with each other, I know. But I still love him and he still loves me.
I have to stay off the booze, so I can begin to see clearly what steps I need to take next. I've asked him multiple times if he'd be willing to go to counseling and get honest about his "addiction" and he is adament about not exposing that about himself to one other human being.
I have to say that while I was telling this to you all....I thought about just exiting out of here. But I have nothing to lose. Maybe this subject is just too taboo even for this site, but maybe not. I don't know. I've become so appreciative to not be judged or blamed here that what the heck.....I'm going to send. Mairianna even though I started out just trying to give you support and relating to your circumstances, I got carried away. So sorry. I know how hard it can be sometimes living with someone you can't even look at times. Anyway I want to congratulate you on 4 weeks sober!! I fully intend to reach that milestone! I HAVE to be able to sort out my future with a clear head.
I am so glad you shared this with us.. It sounds like this has been an incredible burden that you have been dealing with alone, because of fear of being able to discuss with family and friends. I also feel for your husband, because it sounds like he knows he has problem,but is too ashamed to reach out for help. Are there books or sites dedicated to helping? Perhaps he would be willing to do start there??? Are there filters or other controls he could voluntarily put on his computer that could help him limit his access. Sort of like getting alcohol out of house?? My guess is if this compulsion is anything like alcohol, he is going to have to make the decision to quit for himself. My heart goes out to both of you!!
I am thankful you have decided to get the alcohol out of the mix... It certainly wasn't helping you and it was allowing him to shift focus of the issue...
Last edited by Millie; 08-15-2011 at 10:34 AM.