How to stop drinking

[Vic]

Congrats on 197 days foundintheditch that is fantastic ! As I stated can't seem to get past the 90 day hump. I am determined to finally get to 91 days and beyond. But I must admit that even though drinking is mostly pain and remorse now the concept of never drinking again is still a "far out" concept after drinking steadily for the past 30 years. Breaking it down 24hrs at a time is effect right now but I'm only on day 13....Do you have any advice you can share that helped you make it to 6 months and beyond ?

[foundintheditch]

Thanks Vic. I also am working a day at a time. I too have been drinking for 30+ years. I have tried quitting before but I always had the "award" of having a drink when I had proved to myself that I could do it. I think that I was either blessed or cursed to get this far and I guess it is both. My life finally got to the point where the consequences were too high. Every aspect of my life has been touched by this. I need this new life. Keep people around you that are in the same boat. If found this site early on and it is packed with great info and perspectives. Never forget the bad times. Hang in there Vic.

[Millie]

Rosella and Regina, you two are on same day... I think it helps to have someone on the same day to compare notes with. The fact that mairianna and Casey are on my same day helps keeps me sober. I don't want to go back to day 1 and I think one reason is I don't want to let them down or give them an excuse to go back to day one. You two hang in there and keep adding days. It gets better. I am slowly getting energy back.!!

[Cathy]

Well first I want to say thanks to Fifi, Millie and Dragonfly. I'm back on day 1, and eating humble pie. It went something like this: I was sharing with my husband how strong the craving was, and how it felt overwhelming. He said "If you take even one swallow......I'm out of here" Well....how's that for help!! It's a broken record event after that. My hackles went up, my attitude went sour, and I got into a nasty frame of mind that didn't give one flying fruck what he thought or did! I marched right out the door and bought some vodka. Stupid....I know. Not me, but the way I respond to being lorded over. Geeeeezzz

Well today in retrospect I have to get back to the place where it doesn't matter what he does or says, I have to win this battle for me. But ohhh wouldn't it be nice if the man acted like he had a little compassion for my struggles. I'm pretty sure it's the only way he knows how to help.....by ultimatums and an iron fist! But that's not going to work, so I hope he connects the dots today in his mind! Well enough of all that wretched drama. I'm going to be good to myself today.

So I'm not beating myself up today, because now I know that I CAN make it to a week sober, which wasn't the case before I found this forum. Triggers, triggers, triggers........I have to try to avoid the triggers that set me up for failure. Oh Boy.......where to begin??

[Mairianna10]

Millie, I feel the same about not letting you and Casey down, its an added incentive to keep going, as we're on the same day. Still very little energy, should have done the weekly shop today but couldn't face it. Everything is a struggle. I know from other people's experiences that this is normal though.

My husband is still drinking and I'm really off with him. There are various issues but today I think I realised that I'm pushing him away even more because I worry that if we're nice to each other he'll persuade me to relax and drink with him. Does that make sense?

Keep going everyone, whether on Day 1, Day 5, 3 weeks, 30 days, 101 days or 197 days, we all want to beat this thing x

[Billy]

If its 1 day or 1000 days, what matters is that we are all better off for the simple reason that we are here, sharing this road to recovery. Some times the road is bumpy with alot of pot holes in it, and some times its clear sailing, but I think the most important thing is that we share our successes and failures and learn from it and we are ALL BETTER PEOPLE FOR IT!!

Dragonfly and Cathy - I hope you read the quote by Dr. Seuss. You'll be fine!

foundinaditch & Vic - Welcome guys! We must be about the same age. I'm 52 and have been drinking 30+ years also. Where has the time gone?? About time we figured this shit out, huh!!

Millie - Hi, thanks for asking! This forum means alot to me because of people like you all!

Connor - Sweden! What a global problem we all share. Its really amazing how people from all over the world have the same problems, concerns, issues and can share on this amazing site. This disease hits everyone and has no boundaries.

fifi - Welcome and I,we, know how hard those cravings and triggers are, but I can tell you have the grit and fight to get through this and beat this curse!

Mel - Loved the story about the glasses and thanks for the info on the counselor. I was surprised that my insurance had quite a few that specialized in substance abuse in my area.

Justin - Miss you and hope you are well!!

A big HEY to all my old friends; Samantha, Kathy, Sally, Christy, Carol, Sylvane, Erin, Julliet (she must still be in training), Sam and I hope I'm not forgetting anybody - Some amazing feats your all making! Thanks for all your insight; its all very helpful. And to all the new members, keep on coming back and continue the fight. Its worth all those bruises to get that new life.

[Millie]

Dragonfly,
The female praying mantis often devours it's mate.....

I know you two have a long history and he has not always been this bad, but you need to focus on the present. His behavior has been inexcusable.. I really think you would do well to completely avoid him for awhile. Can you make him move out??

If not, is there a way that you can make it clear that you will have zero tolerance for his rotten behavior, and immediately leave if he starts that crap?? He is clearly just trying to be mean and push your buttons.....probably to try and keep the focus off his own problems/behavior. We all know this isn't about you...it is about him and his own demons. No need for you to put up with that s@&$, period!!!

[Samantha]

To all of you with a few days or a few weeks, you are doing fantastic! Keep not drinking and it does get better. It just takes some time to get the alcohol out of your system and as Patrick says to learn a new habit of not drinking.

Carol and everyone thanks for the congrats on 100 days. I am really enjoying my life sober and I never thought I would enjoy it, let alone be able to get sober for any length of time. To foundintheditch, congrats on over 6 months! I related alot to your comments that the consequences became too high for you. It was the same for me and it was either stop drinking no matter what or die of alcoholism. Because there was no middle choice for me. I'd be interested what your experiences were like from 3 to 6 months. The first month I had fatigue, then that went away. I have been in a fog until really the past week. I wonder what the next 3 months will be like?

One thing I do know is I dont have the cravings much at all any more. Thats been terrific. But now I really need to learn how to live life without relying on alcohol. How to deal with resentments etc. I am finding that each day sober is a new experience. I have new feelings, new thoughts, and new struggles. The wonderful thing is that I am facing all of them sober. But with each passing day I also have new questions, and dilemmas I am facing, and I was wondering if any of you with time under your belt – say 60 days or more would be interested in participating on an additional thread.

Don’t worry – I am not giving up on this thread – I will still continue to post and to participate. I just feel that it is time for me to take my sobriety to the next level – to really start living as a non drinker – to ask tough questions about where I am at and where I am going. To better understand what I am feeling and why I am feeling this way. Is there anyone else on this site who feels the same way?

I also think that by creating this thread we can give each other additional encouragement to reach the next level in our sobriety. Just think – all of you with 30 days or more have a new goal to aspire to:] I was thinking of calling it the 60-90 now what? Thread. If you are interested let me know and I will start one up tomorrow or the next day.

Happy sober Tuesday to all of you. :-)

[Millie]

Cathy, I had to chuckle when I read your trigger from last night. It reminded me of me. I don't react well when someone tries to "control" me or tell me what to do. I too tend to do the opposite..

I hope your husband has connected the dots.. My poor husband learned this about me the hard way..

Of course, we need to remember we are doing this as a gift to ourselves, not because our husband or anyone else wants us to. That should help us stay on track, regardless of what our husbands say or do.

[Vic]

Congrats on 100 days Samantha and I totally understand where you are coming from because while this is only my day 13 I have done 90 days sober a few times in the past 4 years. It was during those 90 days that I started to have many questions concerning repressed feelings/emotions that alcohol kept buried for so many years. I will admit I had a hard time with those feelings and really struggled with some intense emotions. And oddly enough I hardly had any cravings for alcohol during those 90 days of sobriety until I decided to have "just a six pack" to reward my 90 days sober... Crazy thinking for sure but that is the nature of this disease. Then the beast took control of me all over again....Brutal !
Anyways, I would really encourage you(and others) to keep asking ourselves these questions and trying to find the answers as best we can. Starting a 60-90 day thread sounds like a really good idea ....and if I can keep myself in drydock for another run at 90 days (24hrs at a time) I would like to read some of those experiences longer term sober folks might post. I think that could prove really valuable for many of us here and maybe get us over the hump.

[Sally]

Samantha - CONGRATULATIONS on 100 days - you are so inspiring.
Foundintheditch - CONGRATULATIONS ON 197 days - WOW - I can only imagine..
Billy how you been? Everyone else - welcome and congrats on where you are at!!! You are ALL amazing - keep it up.

Samantha - I like your idea of creating a new thread for people with 60 days or more. And even though I don't have 60 days yet, I will soon and I would love to be able to participate on your forum - it will give me something to aspire too. I too am starting to have questions with respect to my emotions and how to handle them. Don't get me wrong - I love SP, but sometimes it is hard to relate to posts that deal with the first couple weeks over and over (no offense meant to anyone as I have been there many times myself). If you could let me know the name of your thread - when I hit 60 - which will be this Saturday I would like to join. Thanks. Sally

[casey]

Hi everyone.
Cathy I am hoping the best for you. Just keep going and thinking about yourself. Our spouses and partners aren't always the right kind of support. We really have to be strong for ourselves. I know it is easier said than done. I am working on it myself.
Dragonfly, I love the mantis story and Millie's comment about how the female devours her mate is priceless. I really hope you can find a way to rid yourself of him. I hate hearing the things being said to you. No one deserves that. Dragonflies are pretty cool and fierce insects too.
Good luck to all!

[Regina]

Dragonfly - Such a wonderful post on the Praying Mantis. You sound so positive and spiritual. My husband is a very heavy drinker and has been told that his liver enzymes are elevated and he needs to stop drinking but he won't. I get afraid for him but then I drink right along with him. Truly the definition of insanity.
Samantha - I think your idea is a good one. Something to aspire to! :-)
Cathy - I think we learn from the relapses. I am glad you are not beating yourself up. We can't change the past.

I am having a really hard time right now. It is nearing the end of my workday and my husband will not be home from his business trip until tomorrow evening. I want to pick up a bottle of wine on my way home. :-(

[Mel]

Hi all,

Samantha - that is an incredible feat! Awesome, awesome, awesome. I think I would be interested in a ye olde timer forum (although I'm just a baby of that group) as I am facing time away from alcohol that is really just inconceivable. And I know in the next few months with my new situation that I will be forced to deal in an adult and sober way with emotions/behaviors/stresses that since I began to drink I have drowned with booze.

Good luck to all and stay sober.

[peterpinot]

Hi Fifi & Dragonfly. I'm here and read the latest.

[_Erin_]

Dragonfly - How awesome about the mantis! Seeing it that many times in one day, to me, would most definitely be a sign that you are not alone right now. I love how we can see the universe communicate with us when we are open to it! I hope you are able to gain tremendous amounts of inspiration from those encounters and hang onto it when you have a weak moment. That guy living in your house is no good for you right now, or himself for that matter. Like Millie said, I would like to see him away from you, too, but that is not my call or anyone but yours to make. Please never think that you are a loser, or that you wouldn't have been a good mom. You have a very good soul, you bare it to us all the time, I can see it and so can everyone else. That baby would have had one wonderful mother! (I hope I'm not opening wounds for you, I'm sorry!) Don't let his hateful, hurtful words get to you. If he is truly Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde when he drinks vs. sober, remember that is the alcohol (demon) making those statements, trying to break you down again. I fail to understand how he has any room to call you ANY of those names if he's drunk while he's saying it! He obviously doesn't have much self-esteem if he has to tear you down.

Samantha - First of all, hello! I don't think I've ever spoken directly to you. CONGRATS on 100 days!!! Awesome! Even though I'm not a drinker, I'm giving my 2 cents. LOL (As usual.) What an excellent idea on the new thread for 60+'ers! Looks like you are getting plenty of support, too. I say anything to keep you on the right track! I know absolutely nothing about the struggle, not to mention after 60 days or more, but I love to learn and you all inspire me regularly, so I look forward to snooping around on that thread, too. LOL

Hello, Billy! I always look forward to your posts. You seem like such an upbeat kinda guy! Love that Dr. Suess quote, always been one of my favorites. I hope you're doing well!!

Hello and CONGRATS to Fifi, Connor, foundintheditch, Vic, Cathy, Regina, badger, Millie, Mairianna, Mel, peterpinot... wherever you are on your road, you're headed in the same direction. It never ceases to amaze me the strength I find on this site.

I'd like to say that reading what each and every one of you have to say every day really does inspire me. Whenever I have an urge to pick up one of my bad habits, I think of you guys. I don't want to go into detail because I feel what I struggle with is really nothing in comparison, but when I see one of you post, "I fought the urge... I chose not to drink last night/today..." I CHEER YOU ON!!! Every time I see it, I chalk it up as another victory, and then I remember you when I need the help later! Every day you don't drink is a win!

I don't know why my posts always end up a mile long. LOL You are all awesome, and once again I appreciate you allowing and accepting me on this thread!

[Cathy]

Dragonfly, It makes me ill to think about you having to listen to that kind of abuse from your man. How to get past those kind of words is beyond me. Even if it is while he's drunk, he's still got to take responsibility for his words. Sometimes words hurt worse and have a longer lasting effect than a physical beating! I'm so sorry that happened to you. My guy has never in 15 yrs. called me names or hit me, but he's the master of neglect and selfishness. (a whole different ball game but pretty devastating in itself)

I had no idea that the praying mantis had such a symbolic history! Very interesting....thanks for sharing. I feel lucky to spot just one each summer. So far this year none. But I have 2 female cats that give unconditional love 24/7. Little sweeties....I love them so much =)

Well Eric usually emails me during the day to say he loves me or whatever.....but not today. He's probably going to have this whole self righteous attitude about him that just drives me nuts! I know I'm not going to drink today though.....no matter what he says or doesn't say. I've basically decided to not talk to him about it, unless he says something to the effect that he knows he can't MAKE me stop drinking, but would like to help if there's a different way to go about it.

Thanks to everyone else for your continued support! I'm so very grateful for each one of you.

[Millie]

... I am far from 60 days, but can certainly appreciate that the feelings and struggles are very different as one gets further and further away from day one. I think having a dedicated thread for the 60 plus folks is great idea. One of the fears for us new to this journey is that those of you with time under your belts will get bored and disappear from the forum. We value your knowledge and don't want that to happen. We just ask that you still poke your head in here once in a while, too.

[carol]

I can't tell you the number of times my husband did or said something that set me off and I said "I'll show you, I'll drink!". Of course in retrospect it didn't show him a thing it just made me drunk. Still, they really know how to push our buttons.

Seems like when we have husbands/partners who don't drink or don't drink much, they can be supportive OR they can watch for us to fail once again. I think it's maybe out of self-preservation (if she fails AGAIN at least I wasn't emotionally invested in it this time and so I won't feel hurt again). This time I didn't tell my husband until I was well along. I just didn't want to see his face if I failed again, and I didn't have a lot of confidence that this time it would be different. Plus he didn't want to be in a position of trying to MAKE me stop. Others have actively engaged their husbands. I think maybe it was Kathy who gave her husband either the keys or the money, and that worked for her. I'm not sure I agree with hubby going into wifey's purse and taking stuff out, unless there was a prior agreement, but whatever works for you.

Then there are husbands/partners who also drink. I can only theorize since mine doesn't, but I think for them our quitting is a threat. Either it threatens to upset the status quo, and however rotten that may be change is potentially worse. Or it throws it up to them that they may have a problem, even if that's not what we intend. Friends too. Whaddya mean you're not drinking? You got a problem? Well I DON'T have a problem, no sirree, and I don't want to be reminded that I might.

So DragonflyF15 I think your purging your Facebook friends is a great idea, so you don't have to surround yourself with negativity. Cathy, Eric sounds like a great guy. You have to decide if you want to set up something like Kathy (and if it wasn't Kathy I apologize) or if you want to ask him to respectfully give you space, that you understand how much he loves you and doesn't want you to suffer but you have to do this on your own, or whatever works for you. I hear you on just not saying anything unless he brings it up, but you might want to be ready with what YOU want if he does.

Millie, I love your advice! And I agree with you and casey that it's ultimately up to us. It's OUR lives!

I love the energy on this forum! I still like reading the day 1s and 2s, etc., but I really like seeing newcomers lift each other up and support each other and find people with similar number of days to journey with. I guess I'm an old-timer now and do think there would be value in another thread, but I would like to see us still read and comment and celebrate 60 day and up victories on both threads.

Enjoy the day and whatever you do, DON'T DRINK! Thanks for letting me ramble on.

[Fifi]

My trigger last Sunday was that he got drunk by noon, then started making fun of me for being such an angel with my basil peach spritzers from the other day in which is spiraled from there, with nasty comments about I won't make it, if you can't beat them join them, to personal stuff going on presently to our girl. My trigger came when he said, you know, it's a good thing you aren't a mom, look at how pathetic your life is now you boozer. Loser boozer is what he kept repeating. I couldn't even keep fighting at that point, just sat down on the floor and cried. After he passed out, I started to drink his stuff, angry and hurt. When he came around and saw I was drunk, it was defeating to have to hear, see, I told you you couldn't handle it. He's like Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde when it comes to drinking. Sober, he's soft spoken, nice guy. Drunk, he gets obnoxious, mean, asshole. Unfortunately, he spends more time in the latter. He doesn't see anything wrong cause he can be back up in a few hours, never gets hangovers and function. Me on the other hand, lose control when I drink at home when upset and become a fall down drunk, usually end up sick and hungover for a day or two, unless I drink again the next day to take off the shakes.

Oh, Dragonfly. He sounds so toxic. I understand that you love him dearly, but, seriously, how can he say those things to you?? You do not deserve to be belittled like that.

Right now, YOU need to be thinking of YOU ... and, in my opinion, that means getting rid of HIM. Take care of YOU. Encourage him to take care of HIM. And then when you are both well, then you can give a healthy, sober relationship a try.

No one deserves to be spoken to like that. "Drunk" is NEVER, EVER an acceptable excuse. Ever.

Just my two cents.
Good luck - please keep me posted and feel free to private message me.
xoxoxoxoxo!!