How to stop drinking

[Cathy]

I'm brand new to this thread. I've read some of the previous posts, and am wondering if perhaps THIS kind of support might be the push I need to put down the bottle once and for all. I'm 53, married, and in a disgusted self loathing frame of mind. My husband is still sleeping and I don't look forward to his confronting me about the drinking of last night. I have tried to quit a 100 times, and usually can't get past the 3rd or 4th day. My poison of choice is vodka.....straight from the bottle. Nothing else will do.......Ugh.......
I'm back to square one again today. Going to try to make it through the next craving (probably Sunday or Monday) and go from there. Thanks for listening.

[Samantha]

Cathy I quit 100 times too. It never stuck until now and this forum. Part of it is I think I was ready to quit and part is having this forum to talk about drinking and remind myself how its really not helpful or making life better. That it really made my life a mess. Patrick has an article which always stuck with me. He says how much of the time that you drank was actually really enjoyable or "beneficial". If I really narrow down the time its the first 10 or 20 minutes I get a buzz.... Then the alcohol gets in my system and it becomes a compulsion and its no longer fun its just feeding the beast. Hungover the next day, feeling tired, angry at myself, angry at everyone else. I say I'm not doing that again...then 3 oclock in the afternoon start the same cycle all over again. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired as they say. We are all here for you. If you keep posting it makes you think more about your drinking and that makes it more difficult to relapse I think. So keep sharing and thank you for sharing!

Sally and Carol I am so glad you chose not to drink. You are both doing great and you teach me in difficult situations or life events we can get through it without alcohol. I was just reading a book last night on feelings and how the first year is dealing with emotions. It said the one thing you learn is you can get through anything without drinking. It probably seems obvious to some people but alcohol always seemed like a solution not the problem to me. Now I have done a 180 on that! Carol sorry about your dog too. I have a cat that died a year ago and I still miss her. When she was dying I was drunk and I'm glad moving forward I can be there for pets or people in my life sober.

[Cathy]

Thanks Julliet and Samantha. Just reading some of the previous posts gives me hope that maybe I can finally get a handle on things. My drinking is always at home alone. It's so stupid, the whys of it. When I'm sober and not in the middle of a craving, I'm perfectly rational and determined to beat the beast down. But when I start experience the craving....I feel like I'm outside of myself watching as I cave in and go buy. I'm walking a fine line these days. My husband is entertaining ideas of leaving. I HAVE to find a way to win this battle! Thanks so much for responding to my post. I'm relieved to have taken this step and start communicating with others about my situation.

[kjbp]

Hi Cathy, I'm a Kathy (also known here as kjbp). Grab onto your hope, embrace it and run like the wind with it. You can and will get a handle on this. Believe all of us when we say it's possible. It's certainly not easy, but with your desire to want to quit drinking, along with the comfort, support and encouragement you will find here, you will beat it. You are not alone in this, remember that. Communicating with others about your struggles and your successes are critical to understanding and growing through sobriety and recovery.

And, as Julliet said, communicating with your husband about your struggles is important too. As I began to open up to my husband it helped us both tremendously. In the past year, we have so deepened our relationship and commitment to each other, as well as our understanding of each other and our needs. We've always been madly in love, but for a short, rather intense period, I was in love with the bottle, any bottle, all bottles, even boxes. I was choosing alcohol over him (geez, I just "said" that outloud now for the first time... see how healing this is here!). Bottles and boxes have been gone now for 79 days and we are more in love than ever. We are taking the same journey Julliet has been - we go on walks together, drives, play board games (Seinfeld is a favorite), watch mind-numbing tv, cook, even things like just walk the aisles of the home improvement stores. It's like a whole new life together and I'm so glad I didn't end up killing myself through alcoholism so I could savor these moments. This has changed us both for the better.

Samantha, I just found the chapter on Feelings in the One-Year book. I'm reading it today. Sally, those damn feelings can sure be messy. I've learned to go with them and find them somewhat fascinating, always learning something from them and growing.

Hugs to everyone this July 15!

[carol]

Sally, Samantha & Julliet, thanks for your condolences. I am doing better today.

Sally, huge congratulations to you! You made 30 days and then even more importantly met adversity and stayed free from alcohol. You did great!

Julliet, I know you're over it now and back to freedom, but I wanted to say a bit more about your 30 days. When Patrick first posted the 30-day trial idea, he talked about how he and co-workers gave up candy for Lent, a 30-day trial if you will, then gorged on candy when it was over and found out it wasn't that great after all. His whole idea of the 30-day trial was to try it and then drink if you wanted. You successfully did the 30-day trial. Then you drank (like he ate candy) and found out it wasn't that great after all. That's not failing, it's LEARNING!!

Cathy, welcome. If you haven't already done so, please read Patrick's article on stopping drinking at http://www.spiritualriver.com/stop-drinking/. He has so many great articles, but this is the first one I read. It is very possible to stop drinking. . . but it does take work. I'm 58, had been drinking off and on for 40 years (sigh), had stopped and relapsed and - oh it makes me tired just thinking about it. Lots of magical thinking that i could just stop, lots of evidence that didn't work. The concept of spiritual recovery, the practical articles, the love and support from people on this forum, the accountability of posting here when I drank and when I didn't, all these plus commitment and just hanging on when I couldn't be committed, have really helped make the difference for me. Good luck!

Justin, hooray for you! Keep it going. Billy, glad to have you back! Hi and good wishes to Kathy (kjbp), Samantha, Kristin, Sylvane, nicolelee, DragonflyF15, Erin, Christy, Ruth, Time2Change, Jesus, Matt33, and all our other friends.

Mel, Trisha, Sam "phone home", please. Mel, how's it going at your mom's? Trisha, we'd love to hear from you. Sam, please let us know how it's going, one way or the other.

[Sally]

Welcome Cathy - and ditto for what everyone else said. We are here for you and you CAN do this...start reading :] and make a plan.... Life can be wonderful sober - it can suck at times - just ask me lately (stolen visa, broken laptop, summer taxes due....etc...), but so much better when you handle it sober LOL.

Thanks everyone - I DID make 30 days and I am just astounded...never in my life would I have believed it was possible - and all because of my wonderful Spiritual River friends...I am who I am today because of you. 30 red hearts in a row - WOW!! THANK YOU :]

[kjbp]

Ahhhh, Carol, I was just typing a note to you and it disappeared - you don't want to know what I just said...

I'm so, so sorry for your pain right now and the loss of your dear friend. It is such a time - I know you can't even put into words how your heart hurts. Healing will come to you and you know, it started with the homage and tribute you gave your baby's spirit by being, and staying, sober.

I regret that I wasn't able to cope when we lost our first baby, Jazz a 14 yr-old dalmatian to old age. I could barely take her to the vet I had so drowned my sorrows in bourbon, my husband was out of the country in S Korea on business, and I had never experienced this before. I came home and promptly continued to finish the bottle, crying while cuddling our other dalmatian, Daisy, who was 11. In that same year, old age claimed Daisy and two of our kitties, and drinking to oblivion was my answer each time.

One thing I'm learning through sobriety and our new dog Junebug, a rat terrier/border collie mix, is how they teach us to live life through very simple pleasures. They are true connoisseurs of delight. No worries, just live life joyfully and fully, and never save a bone for later. I think this is a good lesson for us to learn as we work through our recovery.

Bless you and your forever friend.

[carol]

Kathy, thanks. It was time and I know that my Sheltie is now happily herding sheep in heaven and barking at trash trucks, which he hasn't been able to do in a very long time. I'm so glad I could be present and not just blotto.

[Cathy]

Hi Julliet and kjpb, Thanks for propping me up here. My husband, I think has run out of understanding and patience. If he notices that I've been drinking he usually just leaves. He says he's tired of sleeping in his truck in some parking lot. Many times he seemed to understand and tried to support me when I'd commit to trying to quit. But now I don't think he believes it anymore. We've been married for 15 yrs. and during the last year we've become more and more distant to each other. Resentments are flying hard and strong around here. Since I can speak freely on this forum, I'm going to put some stuff out there. Maybe someone else has experienced the kind of snowball effect that seems to have happened here.

I started drinking about 5 yrs. ago. At the time I liked it and felt like it was a great escape from the "boredom" of my marriage. Long story short, I continued to drink more and more until I realized that I couldn't stop at just one. My husband had some issues with pornagraphy that I believe precipitated me "zoning out" with booze. But over the past 5 yrs. the tables have turned on me, and he says our lack of intimacy is due to me drinking. I'm sure that drinking just makes everything worse, but now he acts like he's all righteous and I'm the bad guy. Oh geeeezzzzz.........see how bad this whole thing sounds? There are so many "root" issues at play that I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes.

Well I could go on and on, but I'm not looking for sympathy or making my husband seem like a creep. I'm no angel either and I know we both have issues. But that darned alcohol is so "out there" in everyones face and I hate that. So anyway.......I'm starting to ramble so I'll wrap it up for now and look forward to the support you all are offering.

[Kristin]

Yay! Day 14. I can't believe that I have gone TWO whole weeks without drinking. LOL. I am really happy, but I am just trying to stay grounded and not get cocky, because that's when, well I'm sure everyone here knows how it goes. It if Friday and I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY. I hope that everyone has a safe and sober and super fun weekend. :-)

[justin]

hey billy, yes i am alittle younger than most dead heads but i surely do know who the greatfuldead are. and keep trucking i will do. today is day 11 and im still sober. today ive had the worst cravings so far. but im still hanging tough. its been a great week. not a single hungover morning and that in itself is awsome. welcome to the forum bill smit and cathy. if you really want sobriety keep coming here it really does help. nothing makes you feel better than getting support from other people who have been exactly where you r right now.

[Cathy]

Hi again Sally, I just noticed that you're from Michigan! I'm in Charlotte (just southwest of Lansing) I have to respond to your statement of being astounded that you've actually made it to the 30 day free mark. I sooo much want to find that freedom. I want to be so astounded that I'll want to click my heels together! LOL One thing that I've done since walking into the substance abuse transe is isolate myself from people. Probably from shame and embarrasment, but those raw emotions weren't enough to help me break free........up until now! I've never been a part of a forum of this kind. I mean where I can talk about and share my emotions and such. I've been a part of gardening forums in the past, but this is a whole different ball game. I'm excited but scared.....you know.....the old demons of rejection have raised their ugly heads before. Well.......congratulations on your hitting the 30 day mark. I'll look forward to announcing my 24 hr. mark tomorrow =)

[Cathy]

Julliet, you are so right about that! I know I can't even begin to work on the other issues as long as there's alcohol running through my veins. You made a statement about me not being able to get away from myself. Have you been listening to Joyce Meyer's too? Man I love that woman. She's so down to earth and tells it like it is! I've been trying to walk the walk and talk the talk, but that issue that so easily besets me, causes me to feel like a hypocrite. Well enough said for now. Thanks for your offer of support. Thanks to all.

[Mel]

Hey everybody - thanks to all those that have sent out 'where the heck are you vibes'. I've been unbelievably busy, yet not getting any of the things done that I need to get done - and that stress has been pushing my buttons. My dad is drinking a lot, a bottle of wine a night - and as I am the shopper I've been having to buy the wine. Blessings and props to all of you who live in states where booze is easily available in the grocery store, I'd be dead if I hadn't been living in teetotaling states the last few years. I find myself lingering in the beer sections. And five minutes ago, all I wanted to do was pour myself a glass of crappy, headache-enducing / gutwrenching crap cabernet. (So, I tell myself so that when I go back down to finish making dinner for everyone else - I will not swig from the bottle and use 'cooking' as an excuse.)

I'll be fine. I just need to find new ways to reduce stress and be productive and make space/time for me. Billy and Justin - glad you guys are back and sounding on top of things. Julliet, I like the way that Carol put it - you did the 30 day trial, and wine is gross and hangovers are gross and you know that now (again, in a new way). Carol - it is never enough, but I am so sorry about the loss of your friend.

Hey Bill S. - as Julliet says, what you tell your doctor goes into your medical files. That can only become an issue if you have lapsed insurance, and under the changes in the insurance laws there will be no denial for pre-exisiting conditions (one reason that I absolutely support the changes) - for years I did not go to the doctor for this exact fear. But, if you are concerned about your health - don't let that stop you. It is important to get checked out if you are having symptoms - I've got a heart condition that was only recently uncovered and I am healthier knowing that fact. It has also been a big help in finally staying with sobriety. I had a really bad episode on Monday (probably due to stress) and if I think about how it felt, then I know I won't drink (alky-hol is a big trigger).

Kristin and Sally - congrats on staying with it!!! You rock. Okay, back to cooking and no swigging.

[Samantha]

Hey Bill welcome! I was a secret drinker too, or tried my best to hide it Getting rid of the bottles was always a challenge too. I never thought I would be able to stop drinking but I did this time. This forum made a difference and I was ready to admit I was powerless over alcohol. So gave up drinking and to my surprise life has gotten better! Keep sharing. Theres alot of great people on this forum and lots of wisdom!

Cathy you can be vulnerable here because we dont judge. We are all alcoholics trying to move forward in recovery. No rejection here! Im being honest, alcohol sucks. Life isnt easy but its better without alcohol. And all along alcohol tried to tell me it was my only way to survive. Ha.

And Sally happy 30 days!!! That is fantastic. I read your posts and relate to it often and always enjoy your pearls of wisdom.

Mel so glad to hear from you. Its great your posting. Maybe just keep trying to post each day to help deal with the stress of your current situation? Anyway, thinking good sober thoughts for you. I always love reading your sharing plus you had some cool non alcoholic cooking ideas!

[Christy]

Welcome Cathy and Bill. This forum is a great place to be if you want to begin your journey of sobriety. There is so much wisdom and support on here. This will be 5 weeks since I began posting here and this is the longest I have ever gone without a drop of alcohol in 25 years, only cooking with it. Something must be working here. Julliet is right when she said you do not have to hit rock bottom. It is a choice to make not to be sick and tired of being sick and tired and all the bull that goes along with hiding booze, choosing booze over loved ones, etc.
Carol-sorry to hear about your pet. My dog passed away two years ago at age 15. I was passed out drunk that night as my husband attended to her passing. I called in "sick" the next morning and drank myself silly! How dumb. Another excuse to drink.
Sally-contrats on 30 days and Justin-11 days, awesome.
Hi to all- Billy, Kathy, Samantha, Mel, Julliet, Kristen, Sylvane, Sam. Don't mean to miss anyone, but to all Happy Sober weekend!

[Ruth]

Hi guys- just a quick check-in from sunny Greece. It is hot and lovely, and in spite of this, there are challenges for me. We have a family member here who is a falling-down dunk, so he takes up a lot of psychic space. He is a good reminder for me of what the future could hold if I do not stick to my guns. So every time we have a conversation about him, I imagine it is about me and that is keeping me resolved. Glad we have internet now so I can read your posts and check in once in awhile.

Ruth

[Sally]

Good Morning/Evening All – another beautiful day in paradise!! Don’t forget to count your blessings!

Sam – I am reaching out across the miles and wrapping my arms around you. I am so sorry you are struggling so, but quit beating yourself up, it doesn’t help. Remind yourself daily what a wonderful woman you are, beautiful, talented, loving… have you ever considered meditation? It may bring you the peace you are looking for… and if you like to read I have some great books I can tell you about!

Mel – so good to hear from you. Living with parents is stressful enough, but having to be around the drinking …ughhhh. I have been going up to my dad’s a lot lately, he is a drinker, and I was surprised at how hard it was for me to be around that. And I only had to deal with it for 1-2 nights – so I can image what you are going thru. Hang tough – reach out to us – vent – start taking long walks…whatever you need, do it :] Be proud of the “new you” – you have come a long way:]

Cathy – I live in Waterford, near Pontiac. I agree with an earlier post, doesn’t matter why you started drinking, or what your husband’s part is in all of this, what matters is that you need to get better – the rest will fall into place. Yes getting sober is definitely scary - take it one day at a time – rediscover the beauty in living – and I am sure along the way you will be able to repair your relationship…but it will take time so hang in there.

Bill smit – welcome to the forum. We are all functional alcoholics…kind of an oxymoron when you think about it LOL. I made the mistake, many years ago, of telling my doctor and my insurance cancelled me – no more I said, until recently when I fessed up to everything and said to hell with it. If you need help get it. As for the being secretive, once you get a bit sober, you will be amazed at how silly that sounds. Our families are not as dumb as we would like ourselves to believe. If you are doing shots in the morning than you are really going down the slippery slope – you need to stop it now while you still can. It’s not easy, but it can be done. Keep reading, keep posting…you are in the right place if you really want to quit.

Justin – you are doing amazing, hang in there….so good to have you back with us. I (we) are all pulling for you; where else can you get that kind of love and support? Kristen – YEAH day 15!! Christy – 5 weeks – you are my hero!! Ruth – what a great idea – projection!! Savor your trip, I so envy you, but I will see Tuscany one day :] Julliet – love your uplifting posts!! Sandy – how are you doing? Billy? And everyone else…keep trying – never give up – and hug yourself today:]

[justin]

hang in there sam, just be strong and youll be able to overcome this. acohol is a demon, and it will always give you a reason to drink it. everytime things went wrong that ugly voice in my head said, screw it, go get a drink and i always did. and when things were going good the voice would say hey lets celebrate go get a drink. it sucks. alcohol is by far the most evil thing i have ever experienced, and im an ex drug addict. i tried and got hooked on heroin when i was 18 and then started using meth when i was 20 and did both for years. one day i decided i was done and quit cold turkey, and its been 8 years never a single relapse. the alcohol has been a whole different story for me. i even quit smoking and i smoked almost 2 packs a day for about 13 years. its not easy im on day 12 and its a battle i get the thought everyday to go drink, that being said i feel absolutely awsome right now being sober. mentally i feel better despite the intermittent cravings but physically im actually starting to feel healthy and im starting to leave the house other than just to go to work. its worth it. just hang in there and be strong. everyone on the forum is here for you. Ruuuth im so jealous. my best friend lived in greece for many years,, such a beautiful place. just be careful those greeks like to have their ouzo. mel im glad to see you post, i havent seen you in awhile. hang tough everybody.

[justin]

thanks sally. nowhere can you find the love and support that you can find right here. you guys are awsome.