Good morning Sally! Thank you for sharing. It is my first week end sober and I enjoyed reading all your thoughts. Just knowing someone else too hid bottles and snuck drinks makes me feel so less alone and hopeful. I too am loving the clarity and being able to get up at a normal hour because im not hung over. I hid my bottles of wine and i agree it was alot of energy spent planning and drinking. It just feels good to not be hung over. I had a good system going but your right i was only fooling myself. I just want to say I'm taking your clay pot idea as that is the best. I love it. Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
Beautifully said! I never thought about it as a "system", but what it was! I also never thought about the amount of "energy" put into working the system. Great reminders to begin a new week. And, I too, love the clay pot. I'm getting one today. I've been making it a point to slow down (I tend to race through life- don't have any idea why I want to get to the finish line so quickly, but drinking was certainly one hard, fast and nasty way to get there). When slowing down, I notice little things I wouldn't have before. I do my best to make a mental note of something that I wouldn't have noticed before, but now I'm going to put them in a little clay pot so I can remember them. Have a beautiful day!
I tried to reply before so I apologize if my message gets repeated.
I want to say that I have been reading the posts and I am so happy to have found all of you. It means a lot to know that I am not alone. When reading some of the posts, I was amazed at how much of my experiences with alcohol were the same as others'. I binge drink. My last binge was 5 days ago when I drank approx. 2 bottles of wine and passed out. I don't even remember opening the second bottle. I too have hid alcohol from my husband and family. I have a cycle of doing good for awhile but always fall back to a binge. I would love to be a normal drinker but I don't think it is possible. I want to stop and have started making life changes such as hobbies, running and yoga. I feel I am ready to change and it has lead me to find this website. Again, I am so happy to have found all of you and plan to return. I wish you all success. There is hope for everyone. This is day 5 as a non-drinker for me.
ive been trying all morning to hold out and stay sober. but im gonna have to drink, im back to needing a drink not to feel sick. my insides are raw and im hurting pretty bad. i really dont understand why i had that one drink. all my sober time is long gone and now i really dont know how to stop again. i feel like im gonna die if i dont have a drink. id kill right about now for 7 sober days. good job samantha. i had one of those romantic thoughts that you mentioned i felt like hey ive been doing really good, what can one drink hurt. and here i am weeks later drinking life away 2 liters of vodka just in the past 2 days. i know its gonna kill me. every single morning i wake up and say ok today will be day one, and every night im so drunk out of my mind that i cant even remember most of the night. im very depressed lately and hate myself more than i knew i could. all i want to is to be healthy and set a good example for my family but im doing the exact opposite. i pray to god everyday for the strength but he doesnt seem to hear me. tomorrow is monday a new start to a new week, ill try again then.
Justin - the hardest part is breaking the cycle...but once you do that I know you will keep on going. Think back...what inspired you then? You are a good person - it will happen - I know we are all pulling for you - so hang in there :]
It was Saturday night and I got drunk. It's Sunday and I won't drink today. It's done. I'm tired of my own story. . .
Sally, so eloquent and so true! I want to stop playing that game. I'm still realizing all the things I need to change to do this creative recovery thing.
Even though it takes so much energy to play this game, it seems so easy to drink and so hard not to. I keep telling myself it's just a habit.
Congratulations to so many of you who are doing so well! Thank you. I am going to aim for 30 days.
Justin, good luck with your struggle. No words of wisdom from me. I don't exactly feel like shit today but I sure don't feel great. I know I feel better when I don't drink. And I know it starts with the thought that it won't hurt me, or the thought that I need a drink. Just a little thought. If I could let the thought go and not act on it. . .
Samantha, you are definitely not alone. My drink of choice was white wine also--tried so many ways to deny that it was a problem for so long. I too am 48 and sober now for almost ninety days. The hardest part was admitting that I had a problem with alcohol and that I needed to seek help. Now I am following the instructions given by the treatment center that I attended for 6 weeks. Life is so good now and I am really starting to realize that the alcohol was just an addiction, not the center of my world. I can watch other people drink without a problem. When I see someone getting loaded I am so glad its not me. And when I watch someone take a social drink I am good as well--I know that I don't need a social drink, it would never be worth the price of getting bound to that substance again. Seek professional help if you want to quit--The professionals can help you if you want it.
Hi everyone - was looking through some old posts for inspiration and noticed some new people - Kevin, Casey, gettingalife ... don't know how I missed your posts - 'cause I get my high from reading all posts (keeps me on track) - anyway welcome!! Hope everyone had a great weekend and is doing well. Remember - one day at a time and no beating yourself up. Life is what you make it - make it a good day - don't drink!! Sally
Hi All. I guess we've all hid bottles. I would hide the empty ones so they wouldn't know how much I had drunk. Carol, I can really identify with your posts. I feel like I take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I'll go a few days without drinking and think I can have a drink safely. Then I try one but I can neverr stop at just one.
Justin, I hope you are feeling better. Have you seen a dr.? Not trying to be nosy, I just know sometimes they can give you meds to help with the withdrawals. Don't give up. We're all in this together.
Love to all, Mary
This is my first time posting! I am feeling fearful, sadness and shameful over my addiction to the wine bottle. My father was an alcoholic who died of liver failure at the age of 50. This is a baffling disease that destroys lives. Well, here I am now dealing with the same demons. I want to thank everyone who has inspired me through reading your experiences, strength and hope to stop drinking. Today is my 1st day as a non-drinker and I hope with all my heart that I can remain free from alcohol in hopes of living a wonderful and healthy life.
Sam, I so hear you on alternating stores so no one would notice. One time recently I bought a bottle at a local store and the clerk said thanks, Mrs. (my last name). Oh, no, so much for anonymity. I'm amazed that you can stop at 2 glasses of wine, as I'll drink it till I run out or pass out. Vodka I'll usually drink until I pass out, so I try to avoid it at home, but I did have a large vodka chaser before bed on top of my bottle of wine Saturday night.
Mary, yes, I don't know how many times I've told myself I'm doing better and can have "just one". Nope, can't have just one. Tried that & failed more times than I can count. Hope today is another step forward for you!
Today I am using 2 strategies: get my errands and shopping done early in the day while I'm still strong (since I don't keep alcohol in the house 'cause I would drink it), and a non-alcoholic aperitif before dinner for a reward. I tried some sparkling pomegranate drink from Trader Joe's (and I'm proud of myself for going to Trader Joe's and not buying wine!). I put sugar on the rim of the martini glass again, got the pomegranate drink really cold, and put a lime slice on the rim. I liked the ritual, although the drink wasn't even a pale imitation of a real pomegranate martini. Guess I either need to jazz it up or not try to recreate a non-alcoholic version of a drink I love.
Sylvane, hang in there, you're doing great! Samantha, have you been able to keep your sober streak going? I hope so! kjbp, what are you up to? Justin, how are you doing? gettingalife (great name!), Casey, Kevin, welcome! I really appreciate all the comments; if I missed someone, sorry about that - best wishes!
Sally, thanks for your thought for the day: "Life is what you make it - make it a good day - don't drink!!"
Just sitting down after having dinner of grilled salmon and veggies, topped off by an extra large slice of lemon/chocolate cheesecake brownie with a cutie orange. Catching up on the posts for today and I just want to say again how much you mean to me. Reading your posts is like seeing my reflection in a mirror.
I'll add to the hiding the empties list with - I would drive around the neighborhood looking for public trash cans to toss the empties in so my husband wouldn't see when or how much I drank. Sam, I completely identify with you on running to take a swig, restash the bottle, etc. It's an amazing amount of insane work. Insane!
After untold attempts at cycles of sobriety then relapse, anixety, tears, and not understanding why this cycle is so hard to break, the three words I can offer are "don't give up." I've finally given myself permission to slow down, stop racing around trying to be the perfect poster child for recovery, and really feel every moment of the day.
Ironically, one of the inspirational messages I read yesterday said "Be in a grateful frame of mind. Go very slowly, very quietly, from one thing to the next, taking time to rest (and pray) in between. Do not be too busy. Take everything in order." Today's message included "Having too high expectations is a setup for dissappointment. Every moment of every day opens the way to dreams that enhance reality. Be open and receptive to reality and its gifts."
That really explains how I've been feeling this go 'round. I had to handle both $$ and the car keys today - a serious potential setup for me. My husband was called out of town with 3 hours notice to attend a business meeting in Israel. Sylvane, I thought of you - we had no cat litter, no eggs, etc. Carol, I too went early. I stayed focused and set a goal - I was going to surpass my all-time record in couponing. I was a BOGO, triple-discount fool! I was so absorbed in every moment, it took me 3 hours! The order I shop the grocery in puts the wine on the last aisle, so my excursion didn't leave room in the cart, and I remained so focused it was very easy for me to walk by the alcohol. So, I treated myself to a Burt's Bees lip gloss and a Starbuck's.
I also find I'm focusing on being extremely purposeful in how I approach tasks, tackling things I have let slide the past 5 years, making trips to Goodwill drop off, etc. Instead of blowing everything off for the day, I actually am getting postive things done. But I'm not staying so busy that I use my efforts as a form of escaping from feeling. I understand from Patrick's articles about become complacent. I have before, and recognizing that feeling is important. Besides gorcery shopping, today I planted a pumpkin patch and a sunflower garden. Now I just have to fend off the deer...
Justin, I really understand what you are saying. I feel I was in your shoes. With my husband's help, in my desperation, I finally confided in my doctor (more like 'fessed up to her). She was able to help me and the physical symptoms I was having from the alcohol. She also is treating me for depression. I had been depressed for some time and not realized it. With treatment, it has made it easier to sort through what has been related to alcohol use and what was/is not. I so hope you will consider talking with your doctor. A compassionate medical doctor is also a good friend and will help you be able to make really positive changes.
I could keep going, but 'nough for tonight - sorry to be so animated; I can never tell a short story. Thank you all. Remember, 3 steps forward minus 2 steps back, still sums out to 1 net step foward!! Sleep tight!
Gads, so so sorry for writing so much!
Hi all, thanks so much for all the sharing and support. I read the posts and realize i am not alone in this struggle. Ive had to work alot of hours the past few days so have not been able to share as i would like. But i read each post and cheer each and everyone of you on to a new day of sobriety. Kjbp thanks for tht long post because it was great! I am on day 10. I have thoughts to drink but i have been able to remind myself how painful it will be to try to get off drinking again. Im not doing that cycle anymore. No matter how much my brain tells me i can drink no worries, the other part of my brain, the sane side, says you can drink but you will suffer trying to get off of it. Easier not to start. It was hard work plotting and planning buying alcohol, hiding it, throwing it out. It was not fun hung over all week end pretending i was not. Kjbp when you talked about depression i could relate. I know alcohol only made me more depressed. Since ive been sober every day i take alot of vitamins including B's to help with withdrawal and mood swings. The first week of withdrawal i am up and down in my moods then it starts to level off. I work during the day, come home and make sure i get rest. Im just trying to stick to basics right now, dont drink, rest, vitamins.
I love each and every one of you as you are me and i am you. We struggle together for a better life alcohol free. Thank you for keeping me sober another day!
And i think Sally suggested the count your blessings pot. Ive been doing that. Last night i put a dollar in then thought well based on the economy maybe 50 cents . Then i thought you would drop 10 20 dollars on wine in a second without thinking! So back to my dollar deposits. .
Happy sober Tuesday to everyone!
Dealing with spam -
Hey everyone, I want to keep this forum open so that people can post without having to register.
This also allows it to be anonymous, and people can post without giving up their email address, or giving their real name out.
I also have turned off the "captcha"...that annoying image verification that you have to type in to sign up and be able to post here in the forum.
Unfortunately, this makes it easier for spammers to hit us with annoying ads.
So I ask all of you:
If anyone would like to become a Forum Moderator, just send me a private message or say so in this thread and I will give you moderator privileges to be able to delete spam when you see it.
That way we can keep the forums clean, and let them remain anonymous, and inviting to people. I delete what I can, but I also work 40 hours per week at a drug rehab too, and have a life outside of that!
Hello everyone and thank you for the welcomes. This is day 7 for me and I did think about alcohol today but did not stop to buy any on my way home from work. I then contemplated drinking a beer, the only alcohol in the house, but didn't. I came back to this site to get inspiration from all of you. It is still amazing for me to see my story in so many of your stories. Hiding drinks and bottles, alternating stores, depression after relapsing and bruises. Not really a life for any of us. I was wondering if any of you experience smelling alcohol or tasting it when you are not anywhere near it? Sometimes when I am on a sober streak I will smell wine or actually taste it while I am going about my business. I hope it is something that disappears in time. I wish everyone well. Hang in there one day at a time.
Casey just want to say congrats on reaching your 5th day as a non-drinker! I frequently started with 1 bottle of wine and then rationalized that I would only have one more glass from the 2nd bottle. What a surprise when I woke up in the morning and found that bottle completely empty. I read in a previous post that "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". I definately meet the criteria for" insanity" when it comes to alcohol. Today is my 2nd day as a non-drinker. I slept great last night, but experienced fatigue and GI upset most of today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! I am so grateful that I found this inspiring website.
Originally Posted by Unregistered
Hello all. Checking in at the end of the day here and as Sylvane said, hope you felt success in your accomplisments today. In my case, I had another successful shopping trip today, pushing aside any thoughts of buying alcohol. I was strictly focused on a small decorating project and only briefly had to pass the wine in Target. I powered through, came home and am continuing with spring cleaning tasks that I've let slide for the last few years. The list of sliders is huge, but I've dug this hole and am climbing out. I wish the same for all of you.
Sylvane, hoping you enjoyed your day outside! It's finally resembling late spring here, things are growing, the hills are so green and I was able to get a bit of gardening in today. I'm noticing how bright and colorful everything is - perhaps because I'm not looking at things through a buzzed haze...
Safe and peaceful night to everyone!
Sam, I'm the same - on here throughout the day. Where are you? I'm on the west coast in the U.S. I'd like to help share the anti-spam clean up with you. I find I'm not even visiting the water cooler because of the spam and I realize that's not right.
Patrick, if it will work to have two people (and Sam if you don't mind) I'll also volunteer to help keep the site spam free. I don't know how to do it, but just let me know how. Sam, thank you for volunteering and I like the thought of working with you on this and our recovery.
I went ahead and made the following users into moderators:
Thank you all so much for volunteering!
You all should be able to delete spam when you see it.
It is pretty easy to figure out how. Do not be afraid to break anything. Just experiment and know that I trust you all!
You pretty much just have to click check boxes next to what you want to delete, then click on "Moderation Tools" and select "Delete threads as Spam"
After you click on that, try to check the checkbox that says "physically remove"
It will give you the option to "ban the user." Ignore this, you can ban if you want, but it will not help, as they are not even registered when they post spam.
Probably sounds complicated but once you get the hang of it you can delete spam quickly just by checking the boxes and hitting "delete." Pretty easy.
I so appreciate anyone who is willing to help with this because it will make this into a genuinely valuable forum where we can actually help each other to stay sober.
Please contact me if you have any problems with this or can't get something to work.
Remember to experiment....you won't break anything. I promise!