How to stop drinking

[Samantha]

Carol you are doing awesome! Talk to you all later.

[Mel]

Hey Kristin -

Know that you have full support here, and I am glad to hear that therapy went well. When I first tried to stop drinking, I thought 'oh, the problem is . . . I drink.' But, the drinking was (for me) a coping mechanism that in turn created its own blackhole of problems in my relationships. My partner did not drink, but I can imagine how very very difficult yesterday was for you and how that sets you up for this holiday Friday feeling anxious and hurt. Those were always emotional places for me that I self-medicated away with bourbon and beer.

It is in no way analogous, but as Carol said - people that love you are still susceptible to jealousy and this weird idea that if you change that you will move away from them - when I was with my guy and started to lose weight again (after having gained back almost all the 100 lbs I had lost) and it was working, he started refusing to eat what I cooked and would go and buy the worst fast food (with some extra that he would leave out tantalizingly on the table.) When I tried to express to him how difficult that made my diet struggle, I was told to just 'get some willpower, jeez'. In the end, you may move away from the person you are with at this point in your life (I did) - but it is early in the process for both you and your partner. If you can have a reasoned conversation about how you are trying to be healthier, great. If not, then try and make the stress less for yourself right now.

Good luck, you rock - lots of love and support. M

[Christy]

This is tacked on my "wine cooler" in my bar.
One Day at a Time-Stand tall-Start fresh-Let go of guilt. Don't look back: Take inventory. Make amends. Trust others. Believe in yourself. Discover God's love.
There's more but that's the first paragraph.
I sink this in head first before I go in there. That was one of my "stash" places. Who was I kidding? No one.
Kristen-I know it must be difficult for you, being your significant other, but can you talk to her when she is sober and tell her your feelings? And I ditto Samantha-don't drink no matter what over this, it will not help at all. I will try to be here for anyone this weekend as much as I can. I have to stay busy at the bar though and being on here is going to be a big help for me. It probably won't be busy until later this afternoon so this will keep me focused until then.

[Christy]

This is tacked on my "wine cooler" in my bar.
One Day at a Time-Stand tall-Start fresh-Let go of guilt. Don't look back: Take inventory. Make amends. Trust others. Believe in yourself. Discover God's love.
There's more but that's the first paragraph.
I sink this in head first before I go in there. That was one of my "stash" places. Who was I kidding? No one.
Kristen-I know it must be difficult for you, being your significant other, but can you talk to her when she is sober and tell her your feelings? And I ditto Samantha-don't drink no matter what over this, it will not help at all. I will try to be here for anyone this weekend as much as I can. I have to stay busy at the bar though and being on here is going to be a big help for me. It probably won't be busy until later this afternoon so this will keep me focused until then.

[kjbp]

The messages of support for each other are beautiful and words for all of us to remember. I learn so much from what everyone brings here.

With the anticipation of the holiday weekend, I'm reminding myself that this is a real opportunity for learning and growth. This mindset growth really helps movitvate me. I think while we are in the midst of alcoholism we forget how to learn and our personal growth stops.

I also remind myself that the actual process of learning is as important as what we learn. I'm wrapping my mind around letting go of the fear of situations, predicted outcomes, etc... and letting that fear/anxiety be an opportunity to push me to learn and grow stronger. That fear, which just gets in the way and makes things messy, can actually be my friend by teaching me to live more serenely, rather than as my old freaked out, tightly wound, "numbed" self.

I wish the best for everyone and hope you can take an opportunity this weekend and embrace it as a learning, growth experience down this road we're on together.

Look forward to keeping in touch this weekend!

[Samantha]

Christy I have to say you are an inspiration to me. I had my neighbor bring me a bottle of wine I think it was last week end and I was freaked out for 2 days. I had even given the wine to my husband to get rid of. You work around alcohol and you are strong enough to walk away from it and see it as it is....destructive. It gives me a lot of hope that I can be around it and can say no and it will be ok. Because the reality is alcohol is around so I have to learn to deal with it. I really appreciate your sharing. You are awesome too like Carol!

Julliet your my hero too. The fact you quit your job to focus on you and your sobriety is so smart and so healing. Life is short and you stopped and put you first which is what needs to be. And staying in the moment is like Kathy says such an important part of being sober. As soon as I start getting anxious thinking how long its taking me to get out of debt or depressed about my relationship with my husband these are good excuses to drink. But staying in the moment I know its going to be ok one way or another and I dont need to drink over it.

Mel thanks for checking in and glad you are well. Kathy thank you for your sharing on staying in the moment so I stay sober! You always make me think during recovery and challenge me to grow.

[Sally]

BIG BIG BIG HUG to you Sam!! Hang in there sweetie - my heart is hearting because you are hurting! It's 7:42pm here and I just woke up from a 4 hour nap - I am sure to be all screwed up again tonight - so if you need me and I am up - I will check in. Hang in there....

[carol]

Sam, sending good vibes your way! Be nice to yourself today. Skip the to do list, play with your son, if it's nice out go to the park. Don't do anything you don't want to do. The other stuff can wait. Put yourself and your sobriety number 1. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself. Then pamper yourself with something if you can. It's ok to be nervous, just stop and take a deep breath or two or ten (smile). I'll check back later tonight. Know that you have a bunch of friends who care and want you to feel better.

[Mel]

Just want to chime in and say - I'm here too Sam sending you support vibes out the wazoo. Do distracting things, lowkey things, treat yourself and know that if you make it through today without the drink - you will feel great tomorrow because you beat that ornery horrible no-good-terrible beast back a little bit into the dark where it deserves to die.

Yeah, and I agree with Sylvane - normal? I've failed to meet the person who has a 'normal' 'healthy' relationship with alcohol. Those that I know that don't drink are afraid of it and getting out of control, those that do all drink to excess or use it as a crutch. All the experiences you (and all of us have had) make up the people we are - good and bad, beautiful and ugly, laudatory and regrettable, we just need to be in control of our own lives and not let a chemical live it for us. That's my new goal for 'normal' - to be awake, alive, accountable, and in a state to feel it all.

Love love love
m

[Billy]

Sam - I'm not talking to you!! I think you are awesome!!!

[Sally]

LOL LOL - Awwww come on Billy - you are the rose between all of these thorns - right? We need the male persepective on here...keep posting LOL

p.s. I'm still your friend if you'll have me:]

[Mel]

Hey Billy, you do realize that the person you seem to be talking to /about is in the first week of making a try at this - a few weeks ago a messed up email at your work had you sweating bullets, we are all of us dealing with crap both big and small. There is 'tough love' (of which I am not a big fan) and then there is honesty which I personally would prefer over telling someone else how what their feeling is wrong or belittling his/her experience (one I have no real idea about 'cause I'm not them).

I have a pretty boundless amount of support for people in a similar situation to myself - but I don't really understand why this level of anger is necessary. I'd hate to see you stop posting because I truly appreciate your honest (!!) ups and downs. I also don't buy into this whole guy vs. girls shtick - we are all people with a problem.

[Billy]

You are right Mel; again I'm sorry for my honesty!! Thanks for your past support and good luck!!

[Samantha]

Sam your 100% right in what you just posted. And your doing great. I am so happy to have you on this forum and moving forward in recovery together. So many of us our new in sobriety but doing it! Its exciting. Lets all stay sober together July 4th week end. Life is good and peaceful without alcohol. Love you all.

[Billy]

Sam, I wasn't talking about u!!!! You know I love you but this is my last post!!! GOOD LUCK MY FRIEND!!!

[Sally]

Good Morning (or Evening) everyone –

Quite a bit of drama on our site last night :[ I think it is important to remember that we are all in this recovery process together and though you may not always agree with everyone’s posts – they still have the right to write about what they are feeling. I also think that if you are drinking, you should not be posting. We all know that we tend to say and do things when we are drinking, that we wouldn’t normally say and do. And in the process we hurt others, whether intentionally or not.

This weekend is a good opportunity for all of us to do some self reflection. Just being here says it all “We want freedom from this addiction”. And it being the 4th of July, which is all about freedom, is a great time to start or continue, wherever you are in your sobriety. Remember - we are all looking for the same thing – inner peace and serenity and freedom from alcohol. And that is what this site has to offer – peace, friendship, communication, caring, and advice on how to be free of this stronghold on our lives.

If we take the time to keep our mind focused on peace, serenity, love, forgiveness, then we can’t be distracted by doubt, anxiety and fears. Not sure who said that.

I have noticed in my past that my alcoholism made me push people away, by doing and saying things that I later came to regret. I think I did this because I was scared and afraid of what my future would hold without alcohol. I justified in my sick, twisted mind, that if people ran from me due to my tirades then I was right, I was a loser. Self-fulfilling prophecy at its worst. But remember, we need to not only forgive ourselves, but forgive others.

I for one am excited about the prospect of enjoying my 4th of July weekend sober. I have great plans. One of them is to pay close attention to those that are abusing alcohol and to thank God that it is them, and not me. I am a non-drinker now. I choose abstinence over drinking. I am sober today because of everyone on this site, every post whether small or large has gotten me to the point that I am currently at. I feel like many of you have become my best friends, even though you live far away I carry you with me daily. And for that I am grateful.

Have a WONDERFUL weekend everyone – enjoy your newfound clarity, I know I will. Patrick thank you for this site and all that you do – you have given many of us the hope that we thought we had lost. Happy 4th!!

[justin]

hello everyone. sorry for not posting in awhile.. ive been really sick, and havent even been using my computer at all. today is day 6,,, again. i thought being hospitalized was the wake up call i needed, but apparently not. i did it again. and 6 days later im still sicker than ive ever been. my wife gave me the ultimatum. one more drink and shes packing up the kids and moving with her family in pa. i almost lost my job. and i have no idea how i didnt. ive been there almost 5 years and love my job. my drinking is coming close to destroying everything i have ever worked for. and now my health is poor. im done this time. i think i finally hit my bottom. my wife even quite drinking. ive been having panic attacks daily. been very shaky and nauseous all day every day. last night was the first night ive been able to actually sleep in almost a week. so here i am.. still alive. hopefully in another week ill feel better physically. its gonna be a hard weekend for me. never been sober for the 4th before. and all my surrounding neighbors drink and have barbeques. so no worrying guys. im alive and im sober, just abit under the weather is all. i read some back posts this morning, and im touched to see the concern some of you have had for me. its good to see the accomplishments that have been made here and im glad to see some new faces as well. i hope everyone is doing good so far this morning( 9:17 am here).

[Kristin]

So, I'm back to square 1/Day 1 again. Didn't make it through my first friday. Although 5 days sober was a lot to me. I am dissappointed in myself that I couldn't make it through Day 6. But my mistake has shown me new resolve. I drank, and even though it was "only" two beers, it made me feel terrible and depressed and made the difficult issues in my life come right to the forefront. And as Patrick said in his articles. I WAS NOT HAPPY. I WAS MISERABLE. That is the trick that alcohol plays on me. I think it will make me happy or make things better somehow, yet, at this point in my life it DOESN'T. And I am stuck in the past in a time when it was fun and in a time when it did make things better or more light. I guess I have to do a better job remembering that. I am very fragile right now and alcohol is not helping and I will do my best to keep telling myself that. I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY. I am going to my first bikram yoga class today. I am going to a festival in china town and those will be fun things to do that should not involve drinking. But even if there are drinks at the festival. I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY. I have to change. I have to try harder. Thank you everyone for your continued support of me. I WILL NOT DRINK TODAY.

[Samantha]

Kristen its ok. You are really making progress. Coming back on the forum and posting is just what you need to do. I understand what you are saying. I think alcohol worked for a long time for me with different issues of depression, anxiety etc. Then it stopped working and turned against me. Made me more depressed and more anxious.

Justin I am so happy to see you back. I have thought a lot about you and was worried. You will I promise feel better in another week physically. Every day away from alcohol your body gets stronger. It took me awhile to get over being so fatigued. Now I do things around the house in a few minutes that would be such a production and take forever to get done when drinking. It was part of the reason I quit drinking. I was so tired of being as they sick and tired.

Patrick had suggested awhile ago to do a 30 day commitment instead of a one day at a time commitment. He said do whatever works for you its just another suggestion. I liked it because it I didnt every day have to re evaluate in my head do I want to drink or not. I made a commitment to 30 days and said on such and such a date it will be 30 days I can decide if I will drink then. This helped me alot to take the pressure off as one day at a time didnt work for me in the past. I dont know if this would work for you I'm just suggesting it as another psychological technique to stay sober. I always feel like its a battle in my head to stay one step ahead of the drunk in me. So far the drunk has scored zero points. :-)

From one alcoholic to another I love you both. Sam.

[sandy]

Happy midnight to everyone! I couldn't wait until morning to post that I have just achieved day 1!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU Patrick for this site and your articles and everybody in this forum for sharing your stories and support. I found this site by googling how to stop drinking too much, only to realize that it is not possible for me. I, like everybody here, could not stop at only one drink. I always wished I was the girl who could have a couple, giggle, then fall asleep. However, the more I drank, the more energy I got and the worse my decisions were. I couldn't even remember to have a glass of water. This site has finally given me insight and empowered me to take real action. Others that find this site will also feel the same.
It is one day, but one more than usual.
Kristen, do not feel defeated. You are doing amazingly well.
Justin, I have also been following your posts and glad to hear that you are ok. Remember to do this for yourself firstly not just your family because the pressure is too great. I have overcome cannabis addiction and depression but it was finally possible when me, myself and I was just completely over the miserable life I was in.
Have to bed now - SOBER!!