How to stop drinking

[Millie]

John, I have not read that book in a long time. What seems to stick in my mind about it though is the idea that EVERYTHING can be taken from you, you can be faced with seemingly unbearable suffering, but you still have the freedom to choose your attitude. I try to remember that when I start to feel down, because often, if and when I choose a "better" attitude, regardless of circumstances.. life gets better. I also seemed to recall that "meaning" didn't have to be something grand, one can find meaning in the simplest of tasks and gestures. Didn't he find meaning in tending to his fellow prisoners in the camp?? I may be misremembering the book. I need to go read it again.

Beth, that is why I like your describing being sober has a GIFT we give ourselves, instead of a dreadful life sentence of some sort. It has wonderful benefits, and so far, very little downside that I can see.

[ww43.]

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[Mairianna10]

Hi all, been feeling a bit low, thinking about drinking loads, having all sorts of conversations with myself about when, how and why I may decide to drink. Mel, liked your morning rockstar feeling. ww43, sorry you slipped but pleased to hear you're straight back on track.

Thanks for being there everyone, love checking what you've all got to say and sorry if I haven't replied properly. Hope to help you guys out more soon.

I think I'm Day 15 and my bed is calling me, nite.

[Ruth]

I must chime in just a bit and remind us all that romancing the drink is a dangerous game. Don't even have the conversation with yourself- shut it down. It is so worth it to get to the place where alcohol is not controlling you- you are controlling yourself by not drinking. It is perfectly possible to abstain and still make business deals, play rock and roll, be sexy, or whatever else it is that we tell ourselves we need alcohol to do. Glad you dodged the cravings, Marianna- keep up the good work, everyone.

[JeffR1]

Hi everyone. I certainly agree with Ruth that it is so important to shut down any romantic thoughts about alcohol. As I harp on with the saying ‘change the way you look at things and the things you look at change!’ I really feel there is merit in this way of looking at lots of things in life, and I believe it really does work.

I had a thought today about creating a safe environment for ourselves, particularly in those times when we might be vulnerable. I remembered the book by Dr Phil about weight loss, in which he talks about the main principles for success.

I think some of these principles apply to pretty much any addiction in life, whether it be food, alcohol, other drugs, over-working, gambling – whatever it is that has a grip on someone. Dr Phil actually mentions in his book the similarities between the addiction to food and addiction to drugs.

Of prime importance, I think, are three principles: Right Thinking, Healing Feelings, and, No-Fail Environment.

Funnily enough, of Right Thinking, Dr Phil says “Change your thinking to change your weight!”. He says getting rid of self-defeating thought patterns is the first necessary step to overcoming your struggles. As you begin to think differently, he believes you will succeed – as for what is true in your mind is true for your life.

On Healing Feelings, Dr Phil suggests the choices we make determine our emotional state. If we make them in a rational way we can stop the cycle that has perpetuated our problem (ie overeating or drinking). Unlocking the door to emotional control is about healing ourselves so we don’t look for outside answers to emotional pain. The answer lies within!

The No-Fail Environment is straightforward really. Applying it to alcohol – you can’t drink what’s not there! When we reduce our exposure to our ‘drug of choice’, we protect ourselves against out-of-control behaviour. By controlling our external environment, we can unlock the door to external control and keep ourselves safe from problematic situations.

So, for me, I’ve been up against a number of emotional factors lately and dealing with the ups and downs of life. Overall, I’ve been finding some situations difficult, and there have been times when I thought about maybe having a drink. Thankfully, I can report that as quickly as those thoughts have come into my head, I have noticed them and just as quickly thought back to the terrible feelings I experienced in the past with drinking. And, right away I know that having a drink would only make the situation worse! I can say also that those feelings are there much less often these days and are lot easier to deal with!

Have a great sober day everyone.

[ww43.]

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[Kip]

Good morning all... Ww43, hang in there. I know it must be tough. You confirm what I experience in this journey. There are a lot of jerks out there.. Triggers, aggressive and vexing people.. I feel lucky to get home every day and be sober without flying off the handle. I hope my comments didn't negatively romanticize drinking. I agree that there's nothing romantic about it. It's so damn well integrated into our societies that it is hard to extract oneself...weird, you know, 50 yrs ago smoking was romantic, then unhealthy, then annoying to non smokers.. I know active people who will physically go out of the way to not get near any second hand smoke. I'm one of them. Wouldn't this be easier if the current zeitgeist was oriented that way about social drinking. Can you imagine a "no drinking restaurant " .. Oops, I suppose we have them hear in the south .. Lol.

John, thanks for weekend thoughts. Right now I am just trying to slog they the week. Long run in the morning, work, dinner, bath, bed. Still feel a bit tired and lonely. I know, half of HALT.

Have a good day.. Off to run thru the dark, looking for liteness....

[Millie]

Ww43, please don't throw in the towel. Thanks for the details. That truly sounds like it was a nightmare event. Lesson learned: avoid at all costs next time. . I've been on here for over a year, and am still working on it. I do feel like i have learned from all my slips and am better prepared this go round. I hope so, since heading to all in- clusive with big crowd this weekend. Your story makes me very nervous that i will be constantly pressured to drink. I hope not, but realize i am going to have to be extra diligent.

Thanks bunches for sharing your tale. Both the struggles and successes are important on here. The key is to keep posting.

Hang in there folks and shut the av up. Hehe

[Beth]

Morning of day 18 of my 107 day commitment. How nice it is to really want to give myself this present. I never want anything, I never deserve anything, I am too lazy or selfish to do anything nice for me..... I am feeling good about giving myself this gift and also about receiving it. The work I will put into giving this gift to me is going to be the nicest thing I have ever done for myself and knowing that makes receiving this gift truly the sweetest gift I have ever gotten.

[sandy]

Finishing up on day 11. I had my first serious conversation with the demon in my head today. I`m appreciating myself too much at the moment to give in to its demands. But I did have to convince myself not to drink. Even just one little sip! It`s like breaking up with a `friend ` who just doesn`t get the hint. Nice to hear a Japanese connection on here. it really is a beautiful country, strongly recommend for anyone to visit. But drinking is a very big part of society here but generally people don`t react violently or get really rowdy. Mostly people go red in the face and fall asleep. I always wished I was a drunken sleeper, but the more I drink, the more energy I seem to have. Always the last to leave a party. In saying this, there are also a lot of people who don`t drink and this not questioned.
ww43, what a horrible experience for you. Didn`t you say this was for a high school??? Thanks for the post, just reinforces my decision not to work at the biggest party of the year - Halloween - at my friends bar. I love it how things I`m worried about are often answered through other posts.
Well done to everyone for keeping at it and trying again. My primary goal at the moment is to get through a month. The demon has awaken so i must be ready to shut it down fast. EVERYBODY`S posts really help me to do this. It`s nice to be prepared for when it does wake up.
Oyasumi nasai. (Goodnight)

[sandy]

‘change the way you look at things and the things you look at change!’
I love this saying Jeff. Thank you for sharing it.

[Mel]

Oh, man, ww43 - that would be my worst nightmare, and I can't really imagine how awful it must have been for you. Thank you for being honest and still staying strong, don't give in and don't give up! Millie - good luck on the trip and try not to overthink/get nervous before you arrive. Just stay strong in your commitment right now as you move towards departure, and focus on your success right now - it is good to have planned responses or to plan out fun activities away from the bar, keep focusing on the fun those new things will bring to you on their own terms not as a 'this is not drinking' substitute.

Sandy, Beth, Tim - congratulations!!! Good to see Jeff, John, Kip and Ruth. And, thinking about 'romanticizing' - what I find silly about my own pattern of behavior is that I will romanticize the hell out of a drink, the time, the aesthetics of the experience. What I seem incapable of doing is romanticizing the equally pleasurable feeling of not-being-hungover, of feeling fit and awake and alive, that 'rockstar' morning feeling. I guess that I am a sucker for the 'bad boy' .... but we all know how those relationships go. I need to start seducing and romanticizing and loving my sober rockstar. There is a clothing company out in LA that specializes in sober-wear for young, hip, star/lets overcoming addiction - coke, heroin and alcohol - Sober is Sexy. I'm thinking about getting one of their tees and really living that logo.

[Millie]

Thanks everyone for comments.

2 years ago when I went on same trip, I had to stay at resort and recover from dreadful hangover when everyone else went ziplining, etc. I am looking forward to NOT missing the real fun this time. Tim your description of your trip is hilarious but oh so familiar.

I love the idea of "loving my sober rockstar." Awesome. You should definitely rock a "sober is sexy" tee Mel.

Have a good day everyone. I truly thank you for your posts. They (you) are really helping me. It is nice to feel you are not in this alone. Today is day 29 for me. Tomorrow I reach first milestone. I am thankful for that and you.

[ww43.]

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[Ruth]

Well. ww43, just chalk it up to experience. I think on some level most of us are people-pleasers and the alcohol was a crutch for whatever insecurities we have. I don't want to sound *too* much like a bitch, but if they can't have a good time because YOU aren't drinking, that is their problem. Anyway, forward and all. Just don't let that bump in the road slow you down.

(early) congrats on 30 days, Millie! Way to go!

[Ruth]

(I meant a comma after that "well")

[janny]

I'm in the searching for meaning phase. I really get the drinking phase, stop drinking phase and now what do i do?Maybe reading the book "Mans Search for Meaning" will help I too look for answers in books. How do you get that good attitude? I'm busy with day to day tasks but not feeling satisfied.Of course that little voice starts to talk about maybe a drink will bring some excitement to your life. i know it won't. I too can't stand the thought of losing any more vacation time to drinking,it's amazing how drinking becomes an activity in your life,I have to work on filling that void,it was easily accessible and now I have to work on finding the new activity that is easy accessible too.
Thanks for all the great posts. So many are doing great!

[ww43.]

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[carol]

John, I love that quote. Yes, it's all about the space!

It's October so your AV will be hitting you hard!!! If you're still on the fence about the Christmas crew, maybe do an extension to Black Friday ( day after Thanksgiving)? Or go ahead and commit to Christmas? Just a thought

Ww43/Julie, OMG what can I say?! With coaching like that your whole life (I remember some of your other posts re: your mom's comments), it's a wonder you have any gumption at all about breaking free. Yep, back to creating your own happiness.

I leave tomorrow for one of my periodic 10 day trips to Texas to help my mom. My former alcoholic, high maintenance, high-strung, difficult to be around mom who I avoided for years until my dad got sick and I started going home to help. When I talked to my dad about how mean she was to him he said "but you have to understand your mother is a brilliant woman", which she is. She's mellowed some with age and since he passed because he told her to be nice to us kids. Still it will be 88 degrees outside and 82 in the house because otherwise she gets too cold. Last visit she accused me of wanting her dead and I almost just got on a plane home. Needless to say I did a lot of drinking to make it thru these visits (yeah but I did a lot of drinking in my lovely home with my wonderful husband too so that's no excuse). But there are also shameful moments associated with my drinking there too. So I won't drink. Oh, of course it's not all bad, she really does appreciate my coming and has finally learned to say thank you in the last couple of years.

So I won't drink, and I will NOT be like this with my own children! Thanks for letting me vent.

[Millie]

Hey folks. Day 30 for me. Yay. Off on trip tonight. I read they have limited Internet... Not in rooms...and you have to pay arm and leg, so probably won't get report until next Tues. or Wednesday. I am feeling good about it. Thanks for all the tips, etc.

I went to see mom and she told me to have margarita for her and I told her it would have to be a virgin one. She said. " Your still not drinking? Not at all? Did you do something terrible to cause you to quit???"
I just laughed and said "no, thank goodness".

Not sure what to think of that. She has said that before, when I quit last time.... I guess I can glean from that she is aware that my drinking could be problem at times.

Of course, she also told me, I, who will be 50 in a couple years, that I needed to brush my hair. Have a good day everyone.