How to stop drinking

[ToddE]

Paul, Fantastic on your decision to start-up again. Best of luck to you.

Great going on 9 days - Ludwig, 25 days - AngeleDei(Tim), 10 days – Beth, 3 weeks – Millie and 8 days – Mairianna10.

I think I'll plan on avoiding all rabbit holes (and wet paint). For me anyway, I find as the memory fades, at least I remember it was “very bad”, even as the details get fuzzier. Also having done this a few times, I know each time I've gone back to drinking, after a period of non-drinking, it didn't take long to get back to where I was before. For me, each time I've started up again, the drinking has gotten progressively worse.

-Todd

[bdog]

Thanks Beth, I have always had dogs. the last couple of years I lost a family, then my dog who stuck by me (like they do) passed and that sent me into a even bigger downward spiral. I had to get to the bottom and crawl my way back up. life is so much better now and not drinking is like living really living!!!

[Beth]

Morning of day 11 of my 107 day commitment. How nice it is to really want to give myself this present. I never want anything, I never deserve anything, I am too lazy or selfish to do anything nice for me..... I am feeling good about giving myself this gift and also about receiving it. The work I will put into giving this gift to me is going to be the nicest thing I have ever done for myself and knowing that makes receiving this gift truly the sweetest gift I have ever gotten.

Paul welcome back! Keep accumulating the tools for your toolbox which is the best way to fight this thing!

Extremely long day yesterday made it through by the skin of my teeth.....it's so crazy that even though I was driving my 3 hour drive in the rain back home exhausted, half the time I thought....should I stop and pick up some beer? What The?....I'm convinced my AV is an army of little snots just F'ing with me now.....

[Millie]

Good morning folks. I now have a picture in my head of an army of little snots f'ing with me. Too funny. Game on snot heads!!!

I went to dinner last night and had no trouble ignoring the wine and beer and sticking to tea. I had a nice time and it was nice not to have to worry: Whether I was drinking too much, whether I was ok to drive myself home, whether I was saying anything stupid... Oops, scratch that last one. I still had to worry about that. Lol. But, at least I remember each and every stupid thing I said.

[sandy]

Just finishing day 4. I`ve been ok surprisingly but still very aware that it is only the very very start. Quite annoyed with myself for not trying at least a few days without a drink before and wondering why i was so ridiculous about wanting a least a drink every night. I really appreciate the posts about staying complacent to avoid the rabbit hole. It still doesn`t seem real that I can never drink again. Yes, I could probably have 100 nights in the future of a `few` drinks without drama, but it is the one night that turns absolutely horrific that I am worried about. I know the only why to avoid that night is to not drink. The journey has just began. Thanks for the posts. So nice to listen and share. Thank you.

[ww43.]

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[ww43.]

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[carol]

John, the most important thing is not drinking, and you're doing great with that. Like I said in my last post, I wasn't willing to commit to forever, but "for now". The longer I go the better I feel about it. I do have the advantage that my drinking pattern resulted in some embarrassing and/or revolting experiences which I can still dredge up, which then brings up feelings of revulsion, but I haven't had to use that "tool" for awhile, to continue my toolbox analogy.

As for the second part of Patrick's spiritual recovery, grow a little every day, when you're dealing with challenges like teen-agers it's hard just to tread water sometimes. Long term, I think it's important to make changes, otherwise it's too easy to fall back into old patterns, but for now just keep on truckin' with not drinking.

Julie, oh the bargaining and negotiating. If I were as good in real life as that she-devil of mine was at negotiating with and persuading me, I could have gone into sales and made a mint! There's the "see you've stopped drinking for x days (fill in the blank: 3 days, 2 weeks, 30 days, whatever), good for you, see you can quit anytime, you deserve a drink!" which was a real favorite. "Just one" was also a good one. Not "one won't hurt you" like others try on us, "just have one". Yeah, right. "One is too many, 100 is not enough.". Anyway, the little negotiator faded away. Hang in there.

[ww43.]

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[Paul]

Good Morning (Well in the UK anyway)
I think there is always going to be a common theme on here re going back to "Moderate drinking" and for me personally the further (Time wise) i moved away from my first original state of being at the bottom of the pit of despair thinking i could never escape, the more the AV came back into my head, i had done the 30+ days and felt OK, but a simple conscious go at a couple of drinks at a party turned into the weekend then the weekend after then an excuse on a Thursday etc, the only very noticeable difference this time rather than in the distant past was that i absolutely hated every drink, i felt guilty, ill, depressed, i hated it and was so mad with myself for doing it, for me it was a romantic idea dating back to my younger days of going out that i was probably expecting and that is more to do with being young, being with friends and having a good time the alcohol just happened to be there !
Anyway i feel more prepared this time and already improving on my last attempt, I'm not over thinking things, i am exercising on a regular basis as it really helps with my energy levels and mental state, This Saturday evening/ Sunday morning i'm doing a 90K charity bike ride through the night which i'm really looking forward too only problem is i seem to have develpoed a muscle pain behind my left knee i would like to say i developed it training but i have a feeling i did it whilst my youngest was teaching me the "gagnam style" dance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60MQ3AG1c8o
Have a Great Day everyone
Paul

[Millie]

Wow Tim, love your post. A lot to think about. Thank you.

[Beth]

Morning of day 12 of my 107 day commitment. How nice it is to really want to give myself this present. I never want anything, I never deserve anything, I am too lazy or selfish to do anything nice for me..... I am feeling good about giving myself this gift and also about receiving it. The work I will put into giving this gift to me is going to be the nicest thing I have ever done for myself and knowing that makes receiving this gift truly the sweetest gift I have ever gotten.

Not a lot of time this morning but wanted to check in.

The thought of trading my peace of mind today for a glass or two is absolutely absurd to me. The trade off for that celebratory glass (or glasses) does not compare to not having the high anxiety and depression it brought to me. I am not going back to those stomache aches, head aches, body aches, and all over pain to not only me but the ones I love.

[Julie]

Wow, I've been reading everyone's post daily, even joined Team Christmas, but haven't said anything ... now's the time to thank all of you for participating in this forum and cheering us all along, even those of us who don't have the courage to post on a regular basis (as in - what can I possibly contribute?). I get so much out of reading here, and I'm managing to dismiss the siren who still calls to me daily. The vision of myself as an escapee on the run to the border, with each of you at my side, made me smile today - thanks for that AngeleDei - my goal continues to be to run, run, run toward the border, and hopefully need my uniform tailored to a smaller size along the way.

Sue – Congrats on successfully finishing your event! I know you trained diligently for it and I look forward to hearing about your next challenge. I appreciate your continued encouragement to refer back to Patrick’s articles … very helpful to read and reread.

Paul – wow, thanks for the post on Gagnam. I don’t have young people at home any more to keep me up to date on popular culture, and I wondered about that USNA Gangnam video that went viral – now I get it!

Beth – Go team Christmas! Continue giving that gift to yourself – you are so right – the tradeoff isn’t worth it, but you are! I’m there with you.

Millie – I’m glad to see you back here posting again!

Sam – good to see you back in action too! Rambling is allowed and I share your “but maybe I can be a normal drinker someday” fantasy – but fantasy it is. I’ve proven it to myself time and time again, quitting for a time and then falling back into the rabbit hole

Ww3 (the other Julie) – You are there for your kids, good on you! I’m a bit further ahead in the game than you, and wish with all my heart I had quit earlier so that I had more sober time with my precious family. Now that I have an empty nest, the time I squandered whilst being drunk angers me. I’m using that anger to continue to fight to stay sober now. Your list of the benefits of not drinking is great.

Carol – thanks for inspiriring us to continue, and for your toolbox analogy – I’m still filling mine daily.

John – my friend, drinking really isn’t rational, is it? I hope you stay away from that wet paint at Halloween! Thanks for the book suggestion, Power of Habit.

Sandy – Good going. Day 5 now, but it gets easier as time goes on and the days do pile up more quickly as you go – kind of like time seems to accelerate – turn around twice and you are a 25 yr old trapped in a 60 year old body. Each day that you don’t drink makes the next one just a tad bit easier.

Bdog – Great to see you back as well! Loss is definitely a trigger, and dogs are such nonjudgemental friends. Just never quit quitting .

Todd – yep, “each time I’ve started up again, the drinking (got) progressively worse”. Putting that in my pocket to refer to again and again and again as my siren calls.

Ludwig – keep it up. Go Team Christmas. Just think how much better biking, hiking etc. are without a hangover!

Mairianna – I’ve been drinking tea too, lots of it! I read that Green tea is a healthy choice, and helps burn fat, so I turn to a hot cup when I feel like drinking wine. Not quite the same, but that’s the point! ☺

Carol – wow, thanks for continuing to post – your success inspires me.

Kimber – What can I say? If you can continue to make the choice not to drink after all you’ve been through I can too.

Sam – I, too, said and did stupid things while drinking – goes with the territory. I think it’s good to keep those memories fresh, not to beat ourselves up, but to remind ourselves what happens when we choose to drink. Keep going!

Sandy – good to see you here. My husband doesn’t really ‘get’ it either. I think most people who are troubled drinkers are baffled by our “one is too much, 100 is not enough” attribute.

Paul – never quit quitting.

Sylvane – hey , my friend, you are my role model for making exercise a habit – and for choosing not to drink.

JacquieC – wow, 260+ days! Thanks for reminding us of the joy in being sober – we should all listen to the birds more often. You are so right when you say “a bad sober day is better than a great drunk one”. I choose to remember my remaining time on this planet.

Ruth – thanks for checking in every now and again and letting us know how long term sobriety feels!

Aagh, I’m out of time … sorry to those of you I didn’t mention (Ken, Eric et al .. .still with us?) I thank you all again for sharing in this Forum – I’m off to get my uniform fitted ☺

[Mel]

Hi everyone - some really great and thoughtful posts. The question of moderate drinking reminded me of an article I read about a woman who went to the Center for Motivation and Change in NY (uses the CRA approach) to stop/moderate her drinking. Over the course of her therapy - note, this is not an abstinence based approach rather one that has you set goals and then reassess those goals/your success/failure - she came to the conclusion that she could not drink normally, could not moderate herself, and should stop. She had the same wishes that we all have - I want to drink like other people... I have a real issue with getting over that part of it, that idea that I am unable to stop, that I am normal - and normal for me is not being able to control my drinking.

I found this really hard as of late because a friend of mine is now dating a colleague - the colleague is very very active in AA. He, of course, has no idea that I know (I guessed a long long time ago - an alcoholic can always spot another one, right? even if they are in recovery), but at the recent spate of work parties he commented on how 'calm' I am and there were some strange conversations about my 'normal' drinking, how I can hold my liquor and what he used to be like. Note, please, that I would have quite a bit of wine at the party and then go home and drink another bottle. I get the sense that he has identified me as someone who 'drinks normally' and is in that nostalgic phase about his own inability to be normal. HA! This weekend, he and I and another colleague are doing an all-day work thing at his house. He has suggested that I and the other colleague should bring over booze and enjoy ourselves. This seems to me to be living vicariously, but I am in no position to say this to him. I'm bringing over ginger beer (Fentimans!!!! which is AWESOME!!!) .... and am not going to engage, but it is really going to be hard. And I feel like a fraud, because that behavior will only demonstrate to him again that I am 'normal' or balanced.

This quitting is really hard for me. And I'll admit that I have not been 'on the wagon' for the last week - not as bad, but definitely not sober. I'm going to keep trying, and trying, and trying. Happy Thursday !!! Stay sober, and be kind to yourselves.

[Millie]

We ALL can use all the tips, suggestions, ideas we can get whether we've been sober 1 minute, I year or ten years, in my humble opinion. The stories of struggle also are important.

Sometimes i identify with folks posts on here so much, that my response is more a response to myself (or pep talk to myself) than it is an actual response to the triggering post.

Mel, I do think it odd that your colleague that is active in AA would suggest bringing booze over to the house... He must be really struggling. That living "vicariously" sounds a little dangerous to me, but who knows. I am glad you are not taking the bait and plan to stick to ginger beer.

I really hated the idea of never drinking again before, but right now I am at peace with the idea. Just need to keep the AV in check. I went to a dinner last night and I was only one not drinking. I had tons of fun, but the tipsy folks, including my dh started to get annoying. My thought to myself was..it is nice NOT to be the annoying one for a change. Lol

Also, I agree we should 't worry about the feeling like a fraud thing... Some of the best advice is to "fake it til you make it."

[Julliet]

It is not your fault. It is your journey.

Many have reached out to me of late and I thank you. The last year has been a combination of resolve and relapse for many reasons I won't go into right now. May I just say that as cynical as I seem to feel of late, and as heartbroken and lost as I feel, In my search of thousands of books to help me, I have finally found a book that I really am finding helpful. "The 10 Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart", by Daphne Rose Kingma.

I downloaded it to my Kindle for IPad from Amazon. I truly am ready to surrender and do something different from what I have been doing. 7.99. Inexpensive for me considering the alternative.
I pray for all who are still lost to find your way. I pray I will find my way too and soon!
I know that Patrick's articles make sense and I should heed his advice, but I have never been one to take direction to well. This book is not astray from his advice but perhaps presents it in a different format that I am finding comforting and speaking to me personally.

Sorry I just realized I maybe should have posted this in the Library section.

[carol]

Julliet, I am so happy to see you posting. A quick look at info on the book says one of the chapters is "Go where love is--it is all around you". I hope that you will find that here. Thank you for coming back and joining in. Sending hope and love your way. Carol

[ww43.]

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[ww43.]

Julliet, thanks for the book suggestion. I'm going to download a sample to my kindle. And Julie, thanks for the mention in your nice personalized message. I need to find out what ginger beer is!

[Kip]

Hi friends... tgif on the way.. Millie thanks for checking on me. i read all the posts every day but have been in a bit of a pensive mood, not really having much to say.

bumbling along and just trying to stay out of messes during the week as the weekends are same old same old. to be honest, so are the weekdays... like AngeleDei says, Friday nights are the ones i just can't make it through. i'm just in a rut and looking for some magical thing to hit me in the head. i know what it is - just don't drink. zero tolerance, as Patrick says. i am just struggling on how to let that Genie out of the bottle. i keep thinking that one moment i will be looking at myself in the mirror and burst into tears. after that it will all become so clear. but maybe the reality is just making the brave decision to quit and quietly go about my life in a new way. All of you are such brave and wonderful people.. i can only imagine where i would be without this forum. it's to be credited for my sober days in 2012.

interesting talk about sweats... my wife claims it's my age (51..) but i wonder if it's related to withdrawls..

heading home sober. that's a good thing. hope you all have a good weekend.

ps - Midwest Sue, congrats on your duathlon! I believe exercise is the only thing that keeps me from truly going off the deep end. It's just so so good....